JOHN BURT
By FREDERICK
UPHAM ADAMS
;| Aathoc **Thn KM—ppe4 MllUonnlrei.'* “Colonel Monroe’* Doctrine," Etc. |
11_Copyright, 1902, by
,1 JMMiOCK Upham Atiamb
All rights
reserved
Copt right, 1903. by
A. J. Dbixil Biddle I
CHAPTER SEVEN—Continued.
“Yes, he has, and she’s a beauty,”
he replied, with the air of one giving
an expert opinion.
"Well, you keep away from her!”
said the old man gruffly. “Let her
alone. She’ll never have a dollar. Car
den’s ruined right now, but he doesn’t
know it. I do. What about this
daughter?” he demanded, pausing in
front of Arthur. "Is she stopping
around here?”
“She is spending the summer at
Bishop's—a farmhouse about five
miles from here,” replied the son.
"Say, governor, you must write to
Carden and say you’ve learned that
his daughter is here, and that you and
your family will be delighted to meet
her socially, and will try to make her
stay in the country agreeable.”
‘ I’ll do nothing of the kind,” roared
Randolph Morris. He stormed and
fumed for a while, and then wrote
the letter, as his son knew he would
from the beginning.
"There it is!” he said as he handed
the envelope to Arthur. “For God’s
sake, don't marry the girl!”
Arthur Morris leaned back in the
chair and laughed.
“I have never spoken to her, gov
ernor,” he said, putting the letter in
his pocket, "and I certainly don’t con
template matrimony.”
Jessie was greatly excited when a
letter came from her father notifying
her of the invitation which had been
received and accepted. The general
considered the incident a gratifying
recognition of his increasing import
ance as a financier. Jessie knew little
of the business prestige such recogni
tion entailed, but was delighted with
the opportunity to meet the famous
Morrises, and in despair over the
gown she should wear.
The day after she received the note
from her father John Burt called, and
they took their first horseback ride of
the summer. They galloped for miles
thing that happened for miles about—
John heard of Ihe party, and drank
deep of the lover’s first cud of sus
picion, bitter with the wormwood of
jealousy. He decided to call on Jessie
and learn his fate. His heart leaped
when Jessie came forward to meet
him. There was tenderness in her
eyes and welcome in the clasp of the
warm little hand which nestled for an
instant in his.
“Saddle my horse. John; let's ride!”
she said.
Delighted, John obeyed, and set
himself stolidly to enjoy her presence
as they galloped along the beach.
“Have you an engagement for Sat
urday?” asked Jessie.
“I have none. Can I do anything?”
asked John eagerly.
"I have cousins who live near the
beach twelve miles south of here,”
said Jessie. “I want to spend a day
with them. Do you think you could
endure the company of three foolish
girls all day, John?”
"I could enjoy the company of one
wise litt’e girl forever,” said John,
with a fervor which astounded him
when the words were uttered.. A
blush suffused Jessie's cheek, but her
drooping eyes expressed no rebuke. “I
—I—shall be deligted to be your es
cort,” stammered John, far more
confused than the subject of his
ardent compliment. “When will you
be ready. Jessie?”
“You may call at 8 o'clock, if you
will,” said Jessie, without raising her
eyes.
It was ten o’clock in the morning
when the Morris trap stopped in front
of the Bishop farmhouse. Morris was
i looking his best. His eye was clear,
I and his smooth, plump face was
| ruddy.
“Present my compliments to Miss
| Carden,” he said, offering his card.
“Miss Carden is not at home,” re
j plied the maid. Will you come in,
sir?”
^ "WELL, YOU £IttjdrMrJZ?C*7JZ!3??m
along the hard sand of the seashore,
and dismounted to rest and talk be
neath the shade of pleasant trees.
Jessie told him of the letter from
her father, and with some pride talked
of the invitation from Randolph Mor
ris. John looked at the slip of paper
in Jessie’s hand, and it appeared like
a wedge about to separate them. And
why should it not? What right had he
to aspire to the love of Jessie Carden,
the daughter of a rich man; beautiful
beyond any woman he had ever seen?
The fear, which ofttimes became a
certainty that Jessie would pass be
yond his reach, was the haunting ter
ror of his dreams by day or night.
She had everything—youth, health,
beauty, wealth and position. He had
youth and health—so had the aver
age farm laborer.
“Let’s climb Strawberry Hill and
watch the sunset,” suggested Jessie.
John helped Jessie up the steep,
winding path, and they stood on the
crest of the hill. The broad Atlantic
lay to the east, and the island-dotted
bay glowed in the colors of a glorious
sunset. At the horizon was a mass of
clouds; above burned a bar of red—
the red of. blood. To the zenith were
spread the gorgeous tints with which
the setting sun tinseled the closing
curtains of night. Delicate greens
toned through the shades of orange
into rich amethyst, and against this
background of lacework of clouds
flaunted the thousand graduations of
the spectrum. But the bar of red
above the dun cloud dominated. It
was reflected in the wrater of the bay,
shimmering in the rubescent glow.
They stood silent for minutes
under the spell of nature’s grandest
spectacle. The sun dipped lower until
its arc touched the line of the cloud.
Sharp as a knife, the black bank slow
' ly obscured the face of the sun, until
a red hemisphere, weird and unreal,
glowered and quivered in the western
sky.
Jessie Carden’s reception in the
Morris mansion opened to her a new
and an attractive world. Accustomed
from childhood to the comforts and
luxuries of comparative wealth, she
was awed by the magnificent sensu
ousness of the millionaire's palace,
and by the pomp and splendor of its
decorations and fittings. Neverthe
less, without attempting to analyze or
justify her feelings, Jessie was not
favorably impressed with Arthur Mor
ris. There is a psychological barrier
between vice and virtue; an instinct
which places innocence on guard. The
young man’s personality was of slight
importance at the moment, but Jessie
did not like him—why, she neither
knew nor cared. She tactfully eluded
his further attentions, and spent the
remainder of the afternon with his
sisters.
Three days later Arthur Morris
called at the Bishop house and found
Jessie at home. They chatted for an
hour or more, and he secured her
consent to be one of a coaching party
on the next Saturday. Had it not been
for his presence, she would have en
joyed the expedition thoroughly.
More than a week had passed. From
Sam Rounds—who knew of every*
“No, thank you. Very sorry, I am
sure.” His face grew dark, but his
voice was quiet as he said: ‘‘Tell Miss
Carden of my disappointment, and say
I'll call some day soon.”
Gen. Marshall Carden paid a visit
to the farm a week later. After din
ner he invited Jessie to a walk, and
his manner told her that something
was impending. They paused to rest
under an arbor. For some moments
both were silent.
“I have something to say to you,
Jessie, which I wish could be left
unsaid,” began Gen. Carden, clearing
his throat uneasily. Jessie looked
into his face with questioning eyes.
‘‘You are nearly seventeen, Jessie, and
are now a woman,” he continued after
a pause. ‘‘You belong to a good fam
ily; and, God willing, you will inherit
a modest fortune. You are very beau
tiful, my pet, and it is natural you
should have admirers.
‘‘I will explain to you frankly what
has happened. I received a call yes
terday from Mr. Randolph Morris. In
a casual way Mr. Morris spoke of you
and sent his compliments. "He ex
pressed regret that his family had
failed in an attempt to make your
visit to the country more enjoyable.
Of course this greatly surprised me,
and when I pressed him for particu
lars he said he knew nothing, except
that Arthur had called and that you
had refused to see him.” Gen. Car
den paused.
“I don’t wish to see him, papa,”
said Jessie, with much spirit. ‘‘He
annoys me. He said he would call
Saturday and take me out riding, and
never so much as asked me if I cared
to go or not. So I went to visit Cou
sin Edith, and when he called the
maid told him I was out.”
Gen. Carden looked greatly reliev
ed. ‘‘I am glad tnat Arthur has given
you no more serious cause for dis
pleasure,” he said. You know little of
business affairs, but you must know
that Randolph Morris is powerful; a
good business friend, and a foe to be
feared. At the present moment I
dread to incur his displeasure. Your
slight of his son might be of vast con
sequence in determining Randolph
Morris’ decision in a matter most
vital to our weffare, Jessie, my dar
ling. It might even—” Gen. Carden
checked himself. His face was drawn
with a distress which Jessie was
quick to perceive, though not to com
i prehend.
“I do understand, papa, dear,”
said Jessie. “I will write and ask Mr.
Morris to call, and will treat him Just
as if nothing had happened. But I
know I can never like him, and I don’t
have to try, do I, papa?”
“Certainly not, my pet,” said Gen.
Carden. He kissed his daughter affec
tionately, and seemed greatly pleased.
On Sunday Jessie wrote a note to Ar
thur Morris. Two days later he called
and Jessie received him in the old
fashioned parlor. Both ignored the
incident of the preceding week, and
chatted gaily for an hour or more.
Jessie accepted his invitation to a re
ception in the Morris mansion for Sat
urday evening, and went under her
father’s escort
Two w *ks passed, curing which the
rich New Yorker was a frequent visit*
or at the Bishop farmhouse. One even
ing John called when Arthur Morris
was present, and Jessie introduced
them. Arthur treated him with that
airy tolerance which success grants to
its vanquished.
“By the way, Mr. Burt,” said Ar
thur Morris, as he carelessly rolled a
cigarette, “Miss Carden has accepted
my invitation to attend to-morrow’s
clambake near Cohasset. I must ac
company a party cf New York friends
who will spend the night on my yacht,
and attend the bake. We must start
early, so I can’t offer to escort Miss
Carden. If I may presume on your
acquaintance with her, I shall ask
you to drive her to the grove, where
I will meet you with my friends.”
“I shall be more than pleased if
Miss Carden will accept my escort,”
said John.
“Certainly, I will,” laughed Jessie.
Arthur Morris remained a few min
utes longer; then he gaily bade Jessie
adieu, shook hands with John Burt,
and rode away.
CHAPTER EIGHT.
The Tragedy.
Churchill’s Grove was famous for its
clambakes, and when John and Jessie
drove into it the scene was one to
delight the heart of a loyal New Eng
lander.
The cool, salt breeze from the ocean,
the aroma from fir and pine, and the
odor from simmering clam and sea
weed formed a trinity ambrosial
enough to make an Apicius of an an
chorite.
For an hour or more they walked
along the hard, smooth sand, crunch
ing the shells under their feet: the
song of the sea in their ears, and its
cool breath on their cheeks. Then
the great gong sounded the signal for
dinner and they turned to the grove.
“Mr. Morris must have been delay
ed,’’ observed Jessie as she glanced
once more toward the harbor. “Come
on; we won’t wait for him.”
They had a merry time over dinner.
As they came out from the grove they
saw' the Voltairs at anchor, her upper
works glistening in the sunshine. Her
launch, crowded with passengers, was
just leaving.
(To be continued.)
FISH SHAPED LIKE HAM BAGS.
Jersey Visitor Spies an Old Acquaint
ance in the Aquarium.
“Ah, I see you have some hambag
fish here,” said a Jerseyman who was
looking along the tanks in the aqua
rium, as he paused in front of one
containing two fine adult specimens of
the creature known hereabouts as the
orange filefish.
There are few common fish that
have not a variety of names, and the
Jerseyman’s name for the orange file
fish is rather appropriate. The fish
has somewhat the outline as well as
the color of the yellow bags in which
smoked hams were once put up.
The two specimens in the aquarium
are the survivors out of four taken in
Gravesend bay in June last. One of
them is yellow all over, the other is
brown in color over three-quarters of
the surface of its body and of a
bright light yellow over the remain
der.
The orange filefish is homely in
shape and as thin-bodied as an ordi
nary flatfish, but unlike the flatfish
in this respect, which swims flatwise,
the filefish swims with its body edge
wise in the water and commonly car
rying its head more or less down.
Sometimes when not swimming it
drops its head *so far that the fish
seems to be standing on its head in
the water.
Odd in shape as it is and odd in
action, and withal bright colored, it
is a very striking creature, and the
two specimens of it here are among
the most attractive of the aquarium's
exhibits.
These two orange fileflshes are the
first that have ever been carried here
through the winter, making a record
for the species in captivity.—New
York Sun.
Japanese Government.
It is now quite well established that
the Japanese government continued
for over 2,500 years exactly the same
in form as that of the Mahometan
caliph and of modern Rome. The
chiefs of religion among the Japanese
have been the chiefs of the kingdom
much longer than in any ether nation.
The succession of the pontiff kings
may be traced with certainty for
more than 780 years before our era.
The ecclesiastical emperor was
called “Dairi,” a name now used by
the people for the royal residence of
the mikado or for the court itself. Un
til recently the mikado was regarded
as too sacred to be called by his right
name. After the overthrow of the
pontiffs the dairi was kept in honor
able confinement by the mikado and
treated with the utmost respect, for
the people revered him as if he were
an idol.—New York Press.
The Restoration of Galveston.
Galveston was destroyed by storm
on Sept. 8, 1900. It was almost com
pletely wiped out. There was no in
surance. Eight thousand bodies—one
seventh of the population—were un
der the ruins. In forty-five days the
city was entirely cleared, and almost
all of the wharfing had been perma
nently rebuilt. The commerce of the
port for the next succeeding month—
October—was greater than that in
any previous October in the history
of Galveston shipping. In Galves
ton solidity was not sacrificed to
speed. The people were simply keyed
up to the exigency. Baltimore could
and would have moved at the same
rate if it had got started on the mo
mentum generated by a great calam
ity. Every day of delay, every un
necessary word of discussion, mag
nifies our disaster and diminishes our
opportunity.—Baltimore News.
Defines Cancer.
The peculiarity of cancer among
diseases is that it consists in the re
bellion and malignant behavior of
certain parts of the body itself, not
in the attacks of foreign enemies.
Cancer, in fact, is a state of civil wai
in the body, a reign of terror pro
duced by outbreaks of murderous fury
on the part of revolutionists at one 01
more localities.
Art Enamels.
Beautiful products of the enameler’s
art play so important a part in our
surroundings of to-day that we wonder
how we ever did without them. Some
of the buttons on the velvet coatees,
with their paste gems introduced into
the midst of the enamel, are veritable
works of art. and the small jeweled
charms, as also the bonbonnieres, all
enameled in vivid colors, are quite a
revelation. Some of these represent
automobiles and are filled with choco
lates, or, if intended to hang on a
chain, sometimes with scent.
This kind of jewelry lends itself so
well to the velours supline, which can
be draped like satin. In Paris velvet
carries all before it, simply made in
the perfection of style, which necessi
tates not only a good dressmaker, but
handsome ornaments.
Youth’s Overalls.
Overalls are essential to the neat
ness of the youth who is engaged in
any manual pursuit, w’hether for pleas
ure or profit, just as aprons are es
sential to that of the girls who em
ploy themselves
about the house or
in such occupa
tions as painting,
pyrography and
the like. Those
i 11 u s t r a ted are
quite simple and
easily made and
are suited to den
im, linen crash
ULJU. and all the materi
4683 Youth’s Overalls, a]s use(j for gar
10 to 16 years. jnents of the sort.
The leg portions are large enough
to allow of drawing over the trousers
without being uncomfortably loose.
The fronts are extended to form a gen
erous sized bib, but the back termi
nates at the waist line. Openings are
provided at the sides which button
into place and pockets are inserted in
the front portions, while a patch pock
et is stitched onto the right side of
the back. Straps are sewed to the
upper edge of the back which pass
over the shoulders and are attached
to the fronts by means of buttons and
metal fastenings, and above the bib
are supplied with buckles by means
of which the length can be regulated;
but these can be cut of the exact
length and attached with buttons and
buttonholes when preferred.
To cut these overalls for a youth of
14 years of age 2% yards of material
27 inches wide or 2^ yards 32 inches
wide will be required.
The pattern 4fc83 is cut in sizes for
youths of 10, 12, 14 and 16 years of
age.
-
Wide-shaped girdles are the proper
waist finish.
Insertions of colored lace trim some
of the sheer white blouses.
Tucks of all sorts of circular and
crescent-shape design are used.
Hand work is more in evidence
than ever in the fashionable ward
robe.
Stiff little hedges of foliage and
flowers encircle a few of the hat
crowns.
Surplice waists are to be much
worn by the woman with a pretty
throat.
Those printed bobbinets In big flow
ered designs are wonderfully attract
ive.
A sheaf of flowers lying on the arm
is said to be the most convenient
form for the bridal bouquet.
There is a tendency at present to
relegate the trimming of skirts
toward the middle when it is applied
horizontally.
Flower Parasols.
A bewitching fad of the coming sea
son will be the floral parasols. The
foundation of these dainty creations
will be chiffons, mousselines, liberties
and other gauzy materials. These
plain foundations, however, will be
trimmed and in some instances entire
ly covered with artificial flowers.
A daisy parasol, for instance, will be
made of green liberty silk, and will
have a bow knot design of white dais
ies on it, with a border of the same.
The parasol point will also have a
mass of the daisies tied with green
gauz? ribbon to match the parasol
proper.
An orchid parasol will have a violet
chiffon foundation, and it will be sim
ply massed with these exquisite vel
vety blossoms, from the wooden tip
to the slender Ivory handle.
Violets, pansies, carnations and all
the floral favorites will figure promi
nently in this new fad, but, of course,
such a parasol can only be carried on
very dressy occasions.
A Hint to the Clever Needlewoman.
The new fishnet, Arabe-tinted cur
tains, show mercerized applique orna
mentation, which gives a stained
glass effect to the curtains when the
light gleams through them. They
furnish a suggestion to the clever
needlewoman. Why should she not
decorate fishnet with applique work of
her own designing and obtain much
more artistic results and at one-quar
ter the cost.
The Peacock Girdle.
In spite of the superstition in refer
ence to peacock feathers, they are to
be seen on various dress accessories.
One of the most exclusive girdles
shown, for instance, has sixteen pea
cock feather tips, each one mounted
and framed in a glass case and joined
together with long gold links, ^ese
glass cases, which are about the size
of a .dollar, have a narrow frame of
gold about them. The flirdle is fin
ished in front with a gold chain fringe,
Pretty Waist That May Be Made In
Two Combinations—Simple and
Convenient Overalls for Youth—
Some Beautiful Products of the Art
of the Enamelcr.
the ends of which have emerald, blue
and gilt stones dangling from them.
This offers a suggestion to the girl
who wishes to mount her favorite
flower and wear it for a girdle. Real
or artificial pansies mounted in this
manner would make a stunning girdle.
When sprinkling clothes use hot
water. It damps clothes more evenly
than cold.
Keep nickel silver bright by rub
bing it with a woolen cloth dipped in
spirits of ammonia.
Ermine and other white furs are
easily cleaned by rubbing with a flna
nel cloth dipped in dry flour. It is
well to first dry the flour in the oven,
taking care not to brown it, and to
use it while still hot.
In ironing handkerchiefs it is use
ful to remember that the middle
should be ironed first. To iron the
euges first causes the middle to swell
out like a balloon and makes it diffi
cult to iron satisfactorily. Test the
iron carefully before using it. A piece
of rag should be at hand for this pur
pose.
Misses’ Blouse or Shirt Waist.
Shirt waists and shirt waist gowns
grow more popular with each incom
ing season and are shown in almost
limitless variety of
material. This
pretty and stylish
waist is adapted
both to the gownt
and to wear with
the odd skirt and
to the entire range
of seasonable fab
rics. The model,
however, is made
of pale blue mer
cerized ehambray, 4685 Misses’ Blouse
and is worn with or Shirt Waist,
belt and tie of 12 to 16 years,
blue ribbon. The plain back with the
tucked fronts are much liked, and the
sleeves are the favorite ones that are
snug above and full below the elbows.
The waist consists of fronts and
back, the former being tucked at the
shoulders and finished with a regula
tion box plait. The sleeves are cut in '
one piece each and are gathered into
straight cuffs.
The quantity of material required
for the medium size is 3*£ yards 21
or 27 inches wide, or 1% yards 44
inches wide.
The pattern4685 is cut in sizes for
misses of 12, 14 and 16 years of age.
Dainty Centerpieces.
For those clever with the brush the
latest table centers should appeal to
some purpose, for now that spring is
here the loveliest and most appropri
ate to the season are made of finest
clearest muslin, hand painted, with •
trails of blossom in faint tints. In
favor, too, are billowy centers of chif
fon. also hand painted, and these, in
softest green, with posier of violets
or sprays of lily-of-the-valley arranged
upon them, look simply lovely. Silver
bowls filled with spring flowers never
look better than in a soft setting, such
as chiffon or muslin, or some of the
silver-shot gossamers now sold for the
purpose of table decoration.
Set in Champagne Tones.
A smart set—hat stole and parasol
—for summer use is shown in cham
pagne tones. The hat is woven of
hair braid, and the brim is covered
with loose tea rose leaves. The body
of the chiffon stole is cross shirred,
and there are two accordion pleated
ruffles. The parasol is also of accor
dion pleated chiffon, and has a clus
ter of tea roses fastened at the head.
To Wash Velveteen.
Not every owner of a velveteen
gown is aware that velveteen stands
washing. Have ready a warm, soapy
lather, immerse the velveteen garment
in it and gently rub until the dirt dis
appears. After rinsing, press as dry
as possible and iron damp on wrong
ECRU WITH WHITE.
No combination is more fashion
able than white with corn. This styl
ish waist shows the ecru in represe
lace, the white in cream crepe, and is
charmingly attractive. When liked,
the sleeves can be made in elbow
length and the yoke quite separate,
so making the waist with both high
and low neck and rendering it easily
convertible. The quantity of material
required for the medium size is 4
yards 21, 3*4 yards 27, or 2*4 yards
44 inches wide, with 1% yards of all
over lace.
A May Manton pattern, No. 4660,
sizes 32 to 40, will be mailed to anj
address on receipt of ten cents.
.
side with hot irons frequently changed
Then hang in front of fire to finish,
and the pile will come up like new.
Necklets of Velvet.
In toilet accessories there are many
pretty notions, such as necklets of
narrow velvet bands, in the new
shades of yellow, green and blue.
They are studded with steel, and the
ends are held together at the neck
by a steel motif. Waistbands or belts
may be arranged in the same way.
Fancy Blouse.
Box plaits combined with tucks or
shirrings are among the novelties that j
are genuinely attractive as well as j
new. This pretty waist admits of j
either combination
and is eminently
g r a c e f u 1 and
smart. The model
is made of pale
blue raessaline sat
in, with yoke and
cuffs of cream
lace, and is tucked
between the plaits,
but all of the i
soft and pliable
materials of the
season are appro
priate and shir
4684 Fancy Blouse,
32 to 40 bust.
rings can bo substituted for the tucks
whenever preferred. The drop yoke
and the deep gauntlet cuffs make j
noteworthy features and the crushed
belt is both fashionable and in har-;
mony with the design. The back
blouses slightly over the belt but can
be drawn down snugly when pre-!
ferred.
The waist consists of the lining, the
front and backs which are arranged
over it. The yoke is separate and is |
arranged over the waist after the
sleeves are sewed in, the closing be
ing made invisibly «.t the back edge
of the yoke and beneath the box plait.
The sleeves are the ftvorite ones of
the season and form toft full puffs
above the cuffs but are tucked to fit
the upper arms sungly.
The quantity of matrial required
for the medium size is 4 yards 21
inches wide. 3 yards 27 inches wide
or 2 yards 44 inches wide with % yard
of silk for belt and 1% yards of al!
over lace.
The pattern 4684 is cut in sizes for j
a 32, 34, 36, 38 and 40 inch bust meas- ;
ure.
—
Modes Becoming to Few.
There are some individual women
who look charming in 1830 garb—pale
shades of lavender taffeta, old em
broidered fichus, with the quaint
drooping shoulder, but the ordinary
modern type would do well to avoid
these modes. The bouncing, healthy,
athletic young woman of to-day looks
terribly out of place in fashions of the
early Victorian era.
Lengthens Life of Sheets.
When the middle of a sheet begins
to get thin cut it down lengthwise and
sew the selvedges together so that the
sides form the new middle; then hem
the sides. If this be done to sheets
before they are too much worn it will
make them last nearly double the
time they would without this turning
about.
Readers of this paper can secure any May
Manton pattern illustrated above by filling out
all blanks in coupon, and mailing, with M) cents.
iO *?. E. Harrison A Co.. fiS Plymouth Plase, Chi
.igo. Pattern will be mailed promptly.
-—-.,
«
Name ... j
I
Town.
State.......
Pattern No.....
Waist Measure (if for skirt).
Bust Measure (if for waist).
Age (if child's or miss's pattern). |
I
-—--1
Write plainly. Pill out all blanks. Enclose
lCc. Mall to E. E. Harrison A Co., tt Plymouth
Place, Chicago.
Something Needed.
“We are about to put a new piano
on the market that we are sure will
fill a long-felt want,” said the manu
facturer.
“What will you call it?”
“We shall call it the Cozy Flat
Plana”
“Why?”
“Because it’s about twice as high as
an ordinary piano, but only aoout half
Its thickness; just right for a cozy
flat.”
Graphio Description.
Little Margie had been to the den
tist's to have a tooth extracted, and
this is how she explained the pro
ceedings:
“The man grabbed hold with a pair
of big tongs and pulled his best, and
just before it killed me the tooth came
out.”—Exchange.
Not a Litterateur.
“Is he a litterateur?”
“Oh. dear, no. Why, he’s able to
<ell the stuff he writes.”
Hard Thoughts.
Teacher—I whipped you for your
own good; I really did. Now, tell me
what you think about it?
Bobby—If I told you what I think
you’d give me another licking.
Quite the Thing.
Editor—I'm surprised that Nurltch
didn’t want any notice in our society
column about his going to Europe.
Reporter—Well, you see, he wants
to give the impression that he’s so
swell now that his going to Europe
shouldn’t excite any comment at all.—
Philadelphia Press.
Poor Mrs. Woodby.
“So you’re little Willie Woodby?”
said the new minister after Sunday
school. “I called to see your mother
yesterday, but, unfortunately, she was
not at home.”
“Oh. yes, she was,” replied the boy.
“But I guess she took you for the in
stalment man. You look somethin'
like him.”
A Foolish Move.
“You seem nervous and restless this
morning,” said Merchant.
“Yes,” replied his partner. “I asked
Borroughs to drop in to-day and pay
me what he owes me.”
“Ah! And you’re afraid he won’t
come?”
“I'm afraid he yrlll come and borrow
more.”
Hopeless.
Lenders—See here! How about
that $10 you owe me? You promised
to mail it to me last Friday.
Spenders—Well, I’ll tell you. I
started to raise it but then I remem*
bered that even if I did scrape It to
gether I didn't have a stamp. So I
couldn’t send it.
Jumped the Bill.
“At what hotel did you put up when
you were in that town?” asked a cas
ual acquaintance.
“None,” replied the deadbeat.
“Didn’t stop at a hotel, eh?”
“Oh, yes, I stopped at one, but I
didn’t put up.”
Didn’t Need Help.
Dusty—I want work.
Proprietor—What can you do?
Dusty—Nothin’.
Proprietor—Oh! I do that myself.
Then He Kicked
Glass Eater—The midget said he
wanted everything small. The small
est bed, the smallest cups and the
smallest chair.
Wild Man—W’hat is he kicking about
low?
Glass Eater—The manager gave him
‘he smallest salary.
Not in the Same Line.
“This is our latest novelty,” said
:he manufacturer proudly. “Good
.work, isn’t it?”
“Not bad,” replied the visitor, “but
vou can’t hold a candle to the goods
we make.”
“Oh, are you in the line, too?”
“No; we make gunpowder.”—Youth.
On the Bathing Beach.
“Judging by Eve’s costume,” he
mid thoughtfully, “the Garden of Eden
must have been the original seaside
-esort.”
