Loup City Northwestern CEO. E. BEN3CHOTER, Ed. and Pub. LOUP CITY, - • NEBRASKA. All the world knocks a knocker. A Sioux Indian has siouxed for di vorce in South Dakota. What people think about a woman doesn’t worry her; it is what they say. Folks who go searching for escaping gas with lighted lamps, invariably find it. The burglars’ union is not opposed to the introduction of improved ma chinery. When the political orators all get fairly going we shall all sorely need a wind shield. Whether or not wealth is a curse to children depends on the kind of parents they have. There is little danger of a rise in the price of ice just now, but watch out for the coal man. A 14 year old St. Paul boy has car • Vied the latest news from the football field into the next world. >_ Lord Alverstone may as well make up his mind that they'll never build any monuments to him in Canada. A New York boy stole and ate 150 pies and still lives. Yet some people assert that the age of miracles is past. Tho man who aims to lead a strenu ous life should be sure he is aiming straight before he turns on the strenu osity. Russia is in Manchuria to stay and would be deeply grateful for informa tion as to what anybody is going to do about it. Japan lias landed troops at Ping Ynng. As soon as Russia gets her forces massed at Ping Pong the trou ble will begin. An Englishman named Lever wants to lift the American cup. Mr. Lever will be a shining mark for the men behind the puns. A Pittsburg astronomer claims the discovery of a new spot on the sun— or is it the place where Boston knock ed the hall through? Judging by pictures appearing in the press, a Turkish army on tho march bears a striking resemblance to a crowd coming home from a pic nib. When a man boasts that he is the architect of his personal fortune, his hearers are apt to wonder hoiv he suc ceeded in evading the building in spectors. Airships are supposed to rise grace fully into the circumambient without apparent effort, but look closely and you will see that each one is worked by a crank. "Our Lady of the Snows,” on the other side of the border, should re flect that she still has more territory than she can populate In the next hundred years. Scientists have discovered "the burning bush” which Moses saw, or one .ike it, and confidence in the so briety of the leader of Israel’s hosts is strengthened. The Indian at Muscogee who leased his land six times to the Standard Oil company cannot be recommended for his honesty, hut he exhibited great business ability. The Blddeford (Mo.) Record reports the “uno” cocktail, a finger of alcohol in a glass of beer. Maine’s necessity is certainly the mother of some re markable inventions. • ---—- ■ ' An Egyptian mummy that passed through a Swiss custom house re jently was classed as “dried meat.” /.s everybody knows, the average cus tom house official is "an amoosin’ ■juss.” A pet monkey in New Jersey is de veloping into an expert baseball pitch er. This measureably offsets tho ef forts of certain members of the New York smart set to develop into expert monkeys. Why wouldn't it be a good plan for the gentlemen who are trying to make their trotters do it in less than two minutes to have a strong, serviceable system of suction pumps rigged up around the tracks? Shamrock I, Is to be converted into a schooner to carry scrap iron. This may not be romantic but it is an hon est occupation and it vindicates the racing craft from tho charge that it is good for nothing except racing. The Hartford Post admires Annie Russell, but wishes she would “put on her hosiery and shoes before the cur tain rises, instead of before the audi ence." The Post fails to appreciate a really thrilling dramatic situation it seems. The Shah of Persia still has some very old-fashioned potions. For one thing, he insists on doing his own of ficial poisoning when ho wishes to put any of his loving subjects out of the way. Some crowned heads are so fussy over these things. HE 10UGHT THE DOG. Possibly He Was Pleased With the Animal's Sagacity. A certaia office holder decided to buy a dog. In reply to his “ad” a man called at his office with an In telligent-looking animal, that he im mediately took a fancy to, though he deemed It advisable to first inquire into something of its characteristics. “What can he do?” he asked. "Oh, sir, he can do anything. If you’ve lost anything, sir, he’ll go direct to the place where you lost it. He’ll—” “By the way, I Just missed my glove. Do you s'pose he could find it?” “Certainly, sir. Just let him sniff at your hand." The office holder held his hand to the dog’s nose, and the animal trotted serenely off. Presently he returned, and with a joyous wagging of the tail deposited his offering at the office holder’s feet. At the same moment the click of the typewriter in the next room ceas ed. A girlish form appeared in the doorway. “My sash ribbon,” cried a high sweet voice, “my sash ribbon! The dog has my sash ribbon!" The office holder’s face turned a dull red. He cast a furtive glance at the man, dived into his pocket, and hauled out a bill. “I guess the dog’ll do,” he said quietly. WHERE THE JOKE CAME IN. Iceman’s Mistake Excited the Negro’s Risibilities. While Frank Daniels, the comedian, was taking a stroll about Rochester he came across an old negro who, as he watched an iceman slide ice through an opening in the asphalt, laughed uproariously. “Observe how easily amused he is, and yet there is nothing to laugh at,” commented Mr. Daniels to his friends. “Still, they tell us the colored folks have a keen sense of the ridiculous. You’ll notice that most of the suc cesses in the minstrel business are white men, however.” Then, “Hey, uncle!" he shouted. “Do you think it’s funny to watch a man slide ice down into the cellar of a saloon?” The old man straigthened up, scratched his nose thoughtfully for a moment, and then replied: “Why, boss, I ’low dat performance do tickle dis ol’ man’s risibilities. It suttenly does, boss. You see, Sab, he's a new iceman, an’ stead o' slidin’ ice down in de basemen’, he’s jes’ slidin’ it into de sewer. Yah, hi hi!”— New York Times. IGNORANCE WAS NOT DLISS. In This Case It Cost Its Possessor Some Money. There are men who are never satis fied unless they are gambling. One of them met another man of the same disposition a few days ago. There didn’t happen to be any cards or dice about, or any ot the other apparatus made for the accommodation of sport ing blood, and so the gentlemen con cluded to match pennies. This grew tiresome after a while, and one of the men produced a roll of bills and offered to bet his companion that he couldn’t guess whether the last figure on the number of each bill was odd or even for a dollar a clip. “I’ll do it if you’ll tell me the series of each bill,” was the reply. This was agreed to, and in a very short tlmo the man who made the proposition had lost all his money. A private investigation made by him shortly after revealed the fact that his acquaintance had outwitted him, for he discovered that the last figure of the number of series A and C was odd and that of B and D was even. Tailoring by Weight. Many men of modest dimensions have thought it hard that they should be charged by their tailor on the same scale as the men whom twice as much cloth is needed to clothe. The Gar ment Makers’ convention at Chicago has decided that in future the cloth ing of corpulent men will be paid for according to bulk. The weight of men or normal size is arbitrarily fixed at 150 pounds, and for each 100 pounds over that weight the fat man will be taxed $5 additional for his clothes. “Anti-Fat” and similar remedies will be more in demand in the states than ever. Saul’s Address. \Carrlors and chiefs! should the shaft or the sword Pierce me when leading the hosts of the Lord, Heod not the corse, though a king's, in your path,— Bury your steel In the bosom of Gath! Thou who art bearing my buckler and bow, Should the soldiers of Saul look away from the foe, Stretch me thut moment In blood at thy feet; Mine be the doom which they dared not to meet! Farewell to others; bnt never we part. Heir to my royalty, son of my heart! Bright Is the diadem, boundless the sway. Or kingly the death, that awaits us to day! —Lord Byron. All That Was Needed. “It wouldn’t take much to make me tell him what I think of him,” said the angry man. “How much?” Thereupon the angry man got his second wind and with It came a sec ond thought. “A little more muscle and a few boxing lessons,” he said. All He Wanted. “Did your college confer any de | gree on you?” I “No; but they gave me the third ; degree in my secret society, and you j bet that’s all 1 want. I’m aching from it yet.” ENORMOUS BENEFITS EFFECT OF FREE TRADR AND PROTECTION ON RAILROADS. Against a Less of $413,000,000 in Gross Receipts, 1893 to 1897, There Has Been an Increase of $1,764,000, 000 from 1898 to 1902 Inclusive. According to page 407 of the Statist ical Abstract of the United States for 1902, flscal year, published by our use ful Bureau of Statistics, the gross re ceipts of our railroads, in the four Democratic flscal years, 1894-1897, were, compared with 1893, Republican flscal year: 1893 . $1,207,000,000 1894 . 1.066.1100.(00 1896. 1 092.(00,000 1896 . 1,126,000,000 1897 . 1,132,000,000 The decreases from 1893, McKinley tariff year, were: 1894 . $141,000,000 1895 . 115,000, .000 1896 . 82.000.000 1897.. v.,,. 75,000,000 Then came the chanca. By the pen of William McKinley a brighter state ,of affairs was inaugurated on July 24, 1897, when the Republican Dingley protective tariff became a lav/. Now compare the railroad gross receipts of 1897 (low tariff Democratic) flscal year, with the Republican protective tariff flscal years since, to 1902, the Estimated Democratic tors, 1W8-1S02 .$ 51$,080,009 Actual Republican gain, ttoi> 190£ ..1.7M.000.009 Real Republican gain .$2,380,000,000 Half of this Inures to the direct benefit of railroad wage earners, and all the rest, except bond interest and occasional dividends, to the benefit of the wage-earners of allied interests and the country at large. Results and facts like these speak louder than tons of argument. Walter J. Ballard. Schenectady, N. Y. CAU8ED BY THE TARIFF. Republicans Willing to Take Respon sibility for Prosperity. Mr. John F. Clarke, Democratic can didate for the United States Senate In Ohio, opened the campaign In his state with the statement that tho country was face to face with a panic and Industrial depression, all, accord ing to Mr. Clarke, brought about "by the disturbance of business caused by the high tariff taxes." Save during a brief period, when Democratic views on the tariff were in legislative effect this country has been under high protective tariff for a gen eration. During all that time, save during the period when the Democrat ic tarifT was in effect, this country has steadily advanced in wealth and pros perity. Its industrial expansion has been the marvel of the civilized world. Under this tariff system it has become the foremost industrial nation of the THE TARIFF TIN KERING INCUCATOR. f FREE TRADE. J J: rff f if - ^L'^vJ'.VEAlljjM jU INCUBATOR_ VVVWWVVk^V»VVVWUVVWVWVV last fiscal year for which figures are yet published: 1897 . *1,132.000,000 1898 . 1.249 000,000 1899 . 1,336.000.1X10 1900 . 1,501.000,000 1901 . 1.612.000.000 1902 . 1,726,000,000 The figures for 1902 are from the New York Times of September 26, 1903. The increases over 1897, under Re publicanism and protection, were: 1898. *117.000,000 1899 . 204.000,000 ]JM) . 369,000.000 1S8U . 480.UOO.OOO 11812 . 594,000,000 Republican tala .*1,7G4,000,000 Here is a gain to owners and work ers alike of one thousand seven hun dred and sixty-four millions of dollars (gold dollars, not the Bryan, three cent Johnson kind of dollars), In five years, equal to $352,800,000 gain each year. Inasmuch as, irrespective of allied railroad Interests—supplies, etc.—fully 50 per cent of gross railroad earnings is paid out Immediately for wages to railroad employes; these figures show that such wage-earners are directly Indebted to Republicanism and pro tection for $882,000,000 In fivq years, or *176,400.000 each year. It Is worthy of note that in the first Republican fiscal year after Demo cratic misrule—namely 1898, the re bound was so effective as to make the earnings $47,000,000 more than the prior Republican fiscal year, 1893, and the increase has gone on increasing each Republican year since. Further, as the Democratic party Is now advocating the same principles (and worse) which It advocated in 1892, and used In the fiscal years end ing June 30. 1894 to 1897, Is It possible that any voter engaged In railroad or allied Interests can. If he studies his own welfare, vote now or at any time for that party of disappointment and loss? There Is a broader view and a wider tatorest still. The official and undis poted figures quoted above show loss of $113,000,000 in the four Democratic years, equal to $103,250,000 yearly. It Is fair to presume that that ratio of loss would have continued. If not In creased. had Democratic policies pre vailed in the fiscal years 1898 to 1902. In such case the additional loss In rail road earnings for the five years would have been $516,250,000. Consequently the real gain attributable to Repub lican policies and control Is: world, and its commerce has expanded In like proportion. Since the present tariff law came into efTect the advance of the country in all of these direc tions has been immeasurably greater than it was during any similar period of time in the nation’s previous his tory. This is the condition which has been brought about, in Mr. Clarke’s lan guage, by “the high tarifT taxes.” Re publicans are perfectly willing to ad mit that the conditions which th« country is enjoying are the direct re sult of the application of the protec tive tariff principle. They are per fectly willing that the responsibility shall rest on them for bringing about these results. The "disturbance ol business” which has followed since Democratic legislation on the tariff was repealed and Republican legisla tion on the sabject was substituted, is such a disturbance as has brought re lief and gratification to the home ol every wage-earner in the land. Mr. Clarke says the credit is due to Re publican legislation. So it is,— Seattle Post-Intelligencer. More Cotton in Their Ears. It is not at all likely that any part of the country held by the Republican party will chance a repetition of the experience of the years between 1803-6. Whatever the Northwest con tributed to the election of Mr. Cleve land was paid for In the contrition ol the years that followed. It is eminent ly true that the conditions have changed, brought about by the protec tive tarltT policy of the Republican party, which has spread plenty and prosperity over the Northwest, with the rest of the country. All the West ern States that ran amuck on Popu lism have returned to the Republican party, and it Is not reasonable thej are now going to stand for Cleveland or any other man who "haa a moder ate leaning toward tariff revision”— not at this time, at any rate. If te refuse to Interfere with the present prosperky is “stubborn deafness” on the part of Republican leaoars. then it would be well to stuff more cotton In their ears.—Wheeling Intelligencer Prosperity Under Republican Rule. The people of the United States con sumo the equivalent of 95 per cent ot all we produce, and upon this fact Secretary Shaw declines that “not while those conditions continue will prosperity cease.” Can .‘hera be a reasonable doubt as to the soundr.es; of this view?—Omaha Bee. Broom Moistening Device. The scientific housekeeper nowadays cannot wield her broom without first iseuring herself that the microbe killer Is attached to the dustpan and that the disinfecting apparatus is in place on the Lroom itself. This latter device which has just been patented, takes the form Df a small, flat reservoir, clamped or strapped to one side of the broom. In order to distribute the liquid thorough ly through the straws, numerous small tubes project from the tank into the broom from which the disinfectant per colates slowly downward. Should the housewife not be so particular about the microbe danger she may see fit to use this same .nvention to hold com mon water, in which no disinfectant is to be found, for the purpose of mois tening the carpet or floor, to lay the dust during the sweeping process; or, the inventer mentions, there is still another use to which it can be put, that of distributing kerosene oil to a carpet to brighten the colors and des troy the moths which often lurk in the edges or corners. About the only objection to the invention seems to be the weight which it will necessarily ,42 Reservoir Holds the Liquid. add to the broom, and which may thus increase somewhat the burden of the housewife’s duties. Isaac P. Kilgore of Wcstpoint, 111., is the inventor. Sleeping Berth Attachment. A berth is a berth, whether in the sleeping car or steamer, and about the only good advice which can be given the traveler is to get the lower one ii he can. But if his wife is along she may object to his following this advice —though probably the objection would not always stand—and claim that she should have the lower berth and he should take the upper one. Well, which ever way they settle it, the one who has the upper berth would have a troublesome time getting into it but for the little step ladders which the transportation company provides. It is to do away with this ladder, and at the same time provide a rail which shall serve the double purpose of assisting the traveler into his bunk and pre venting his falling out after going to sleep that this berth attachment has been designed. As a glance at the drawing will show, there is a pivoted bar, which has a stirrup at the end, in which the foot can be Inserted foi ■ ■—-f—■-* Stirrup and Side Bar. climbing to the upper berth. The low ering of this stirrup into a vertical position throws up a horizontal bar along the outer edge of the berth, thus affording further assistance to the climber. When not in use both these devices can be folded into the side bar of the bunk, though at night they should be allowed to remain extended to insure the sleeper against accident al rolling ofT his high bed. The inventor is Elijah Dawe of Col lingswood, Canada. Artificial Mine for Study. The new School of Mines at the Bir mingham (England) University is to have a novel piece of scientific appa ratus in the shape of a model mine at Bournbrook, about ten feet'below tho surface, extending over about three gucrters of an acre. The passages will be constructed of brick arching, and will be lined, paved and finished so as to resemble au actual mine in detail. The mine will be laid out to illustrate :he best ways of working coal and methods of timbering and will also lemonstrate the various systems ol underground haulage. Slaby’s Wireless Experiments. . Professor Slaby has demonstrated, Ifter exhaustive experiments, that the surface of the earth plays an import ant part as a conductor of tho Hertz ian waves, for which many have here tofore regarded the air as tho only conductor. Ho constructed an arti ficial earth, which was rendered im mune from external influence by cov ering the floor of his laboratory with zinc. He then experimented with tho waves on the floor until his theory was proved. ' State of Omo, Citt of Toledo, U Fbewk J. Chbvkt nialcei oath that lie !» eeafot Farmer of thr firm of F. J. Chihet 4 Co,, doing boeloea. In the City of Toledo, Connty and State nforeaatd, and that said firm will pay the anm of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for each and every case of Catakbh th»t cannot be cured by tbe u»e or Hall e Catabru Ci’BB. FRANK J. CHENEY. fiwo-n to befor® me end *ab«ciibe (orona N th* highest grade Pat.Leather made, v n UV'lf UlfJ. tit* thrifty farmers •re Invited to settle In tha Stato of Maryland they will nnd a delightful and bealtb. rt'mam il? class markets for Lhelr product, and m»n V!!' ?r"1i at reasonable price,. Map, and de«rPmlT/£r ,‘!3? leu will Uoaeut free upon application to P»“iPb E. BADENHOOP, Seer State Board of t numeration, BALTIMORE, MO. I