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About The Loup City northwestern. (Loup City, Neb.) 189?-1917 | View Entire Issue (June 19, 1903)
WITAm HUMOR, Necessary. “Now. you’ve been very successful in politics,” said the inquisitive man. “When you’re elected to office do you always believe in remembering the men to whom you made ante-election promises?” "Sure. I have to remember them so that 1 may dodge them when 1 see them coming.” Worse Than the Disease. “My! you’re looking bad. What’s the trouble? Grip?” “No, my trouble at present is the re sult of an attack of the grip.” "You don’t say! Some chronic pul monary—” “No, acute financial. Dr. Price Price’s bill.”—Catholic Standard and Times. Hardly Appropriate. He is an eccentric chap, and often does strange things, eminently philo sophical. but queer, you know. And so it was that upon becoming engaged to be married he presented to the young lady a ring, on the inside of which was engraved the motto: “In time of peace prepare for war.” They Lived for Dress. New Inferno Victim—The women over there don’t appear to be suffer ing a severe punishment. Demon Chauffeur—It’s worse than it looks. They are not allowed to talk about dress, and have to wear the same bonnets for 3.000 years. A Suspicious Sign. “You better hurry up en collect de rent from Bre’er Williams!” “How come?” “Well, fer de las’ six meetin’ nights he’s been a-sfngin’ ‘Jerusalem, My Happy Home,’ en it's my opinion he’s flxin’ ter move!” Chicago Comparisons. Teacher—Now. James, compare the word "pretty." James—Pretty, married, divorced. Two Chatterers. The Rich Man—Money ta'ks. The Aristocrat—Yes: 'jut blood will tell, also.—Boston Traveler. IN A HURRY Mother—l think we ought, to send her away to have her voice cultivated. Father—That's a good idea. It's 12 o'clock now, and a train leaves at 12:15. Pack her duds. Plenty of Time. "Did they run away to get married?” "No, she was 30, and he had been married before.” Happy Day. “What are you writing?” asked the freshman. “Just dropping a line to my gover nor, wishing him many happy returns of the day,” replied the sophomore. “Why, is this his birthday?" "No; payday. He sent me a check this morning.” Neck and Neck. “Let me write the songs of a nation and I care not who makes its laws,” said the musical young man. “Oh. I don't know,” replied the prac tical young woman. “I guess there are about as many ragtime laws as there are ragtime songs.”—Comfort. To the Shorn Lamb. “Chills and fever must be a disa greeable disease.” "I dunno, stranger. You see. in the summer we has chills part of the time, and that keeps ns cool, and in thit weather we has fever part of the time and that keeps us warm." Wise Young Man. He—Will you be my wife? She—Why—er—this is so sudden. He—Will you marry me to-morrow'? She—Really, this is quite a surprise. Why are you in such a hurry? Ho—My salary won’t stand for a long engagement, see? As Explained. Mrs. Enpeck—I don’t see why mar ried men should want to join a club. Enpeck—Oh. that's easily explained. Misery lovo3 company, you know. TOO LARGE A CONTRACT. Tragedian—T was offered a contract to tour Africa as leading man for tho Hardly Abell Co. She—Did you accept it? Tragedian—Not on your life! There's nothing but ostrich eggs over there. An Effectual Quietus. He—Why, we haven’t even to extol the virtues of men to prove the inferi ority of women. The very failings of womankind prove the point. No wom an, for example, has a sense of hu mor. She—She hasn’t? Then why is it that all bits of bright repartee are called Sallies? A Question. “What do you think of the new boarder?” asked Mrs. Starvem. "O! I don’t know,” replied Star board. “I think he’s very polite.” “Either that or very sarcastic.. Did you hear him ask me if I’d have the cream?” Providence in Billville. “Yes, sir, the alligator pursued him up the river banks, and was just about to swallow him when Providence in terfered.” "Providence?" “Yes; a mad bull cam© rushing up and tossed him to the skies.” Good Enough Reason. Casey—Don't say, "Oi ain't done nothin’.” Cassidy—An' why not? Casey—Because it’s not good Eng lish. Cassidy—Shure, O'im glad to hear it, fur nayther am Oi. And He Did. He—“I wonder if you will ever marry?” She—"Well, why don’t you ask mo?" Cost Him More Than a Penny. Husband—A penny for your thoughts, Flora. Wife—I was thinking of a J15 hat. GETS HOME TOO LATE. w Hortense (aged five)—My father comes down to dinner every night in a dress suit. Helen (aged si::)—That's nothing. My papa often comes to breakfast in one. Indication of What Happened. “Sis is engaged to that feller that j .-alls every night.” announced the boy. j “How do you know?” they asked. “ ’Cause she doesn’t powder her face any more when he's coming," an- ■ swcred the observing youngster. Nettie Paints. Edna—They say that Nettle paints beautifully. I .aura—She paints. I know, but I cannot speak for the beautiful effe: t. ' —Philadelphia Telegraph. * Undoubtedly. ‘'Wisdom.” remarked the man with th*1 chronic quotation habit, “is bet ter then riches.’’ “Of course,” rejoined tho philo sophical person, “you refer to your wisdom and other people's riches.” Inconsistent. Mrs. Smith—Mr. Smitn, your rage makes you inconsistent. Mr. Smith—How so? Mrs. Smith—Why, because you are swearing cn the prayer rug. It Would Seem So. "Say, pa,” queried little Johnny Bumpernickle, “what’s an echo?” “An echo, my son,” replied the old man, with a sigh long drawn out, "la the ouly thing that can flimflam a woman out of the last word.” One of the Many. Snicklefrltz—Did you know your wile long before you married her? Dinglebats—Not for a minute; but I was foolish enough to imagine I had known bar for years. PLATFORMS OF 1904 'HE ISSUE CF 1332 TO BE FOUGHT OVCR AGAIN. Unless the Republicans Stand Firmly for Protection Without Apology, the Democrats Will Gain on the Tariff | Reform Proposition. The Democrats are preparing to make exactly the same kind of a fight they made in 1892, on exactly the same issues. They say there can be no compromise on the tariff question. The question then arises. Can the Republicans go into the campaign with any prospect of success if they con cede that a large part of the Demo cratic contention is correct? Are cam paigns fought and won on half breed creed8? To show the position in which the two parties would find themselves in case Gov. Cummins’ idea is adopted, we quote from Mr. Charles S Hamlin, of Boston, who was assistant secretary of the treasury under President Cleve land. Mr. Hamlin spoke at the Samuel J. Tilden banquet recently held in New York. He gave an outline of what he railed “the great questions of the coming presidential contest.” He said the first attack should be upon the foreign policies of the administration; the second upon the treatment of trusts and monopolies; third, tariff re form; fourth, economy in government administration. Then Mr. Hamlin took up the third plank In his political creed and gave his entire attention to “tariff reform” for the purpose of in viting foreign competition to take the place of that of domestic competition," which, he said, is being destroyed. We quote Mr. Hamlin’s words upon the subject of the tariff, as follows: “1 believe the first step should be radically to review our system of tar iff taxation to the end that foreign competition may come in to take the place of that domestic competition which is being destroyed. Then by examining the effect of foreign com petition we shall soon find what addi tional legislation is needed to control monopolies. Meanwhile the federal government should enforce existing ers of the Republican party will be in favor of putting into the platform a tariff planlt with some uncertainties connected with it. But the party has not been dealing in uncertainties dur ing the past eight years, and it will be strange if the national leaders shall once more be willing to insert plati tudes capable of different construc tions in different localities. Our own opinion is that the national platform next year will stand radically in favor of the protective tariff without apolo gy Meantime, the discussion going on is interesting.—Des Moines Capital. REFLECTIONS OF A MECHANIC. Why He Has Stopped Voting the Democratic Ticket. A mechanic of our city, a good one, too, who fought gallantly for four years in the Confederate army and has voted the Democratic ticket regu larly until recently, remarked to a few friends at a recent social event while they were enjoying cigars after lunch eon, as follows: "The war was near ly over, and one cold, disagreeable night 1 was on outpost duty as a pick et, when all at once the question flash ed upon me. ‘What was I fighting and enduring the hardships of camp life for. anyway?’ The answer came back as usual, ‘Fighting for my niggers.’ 1 soliloquized, ‘I have not got and never had a nigger.’ I was In the same fix as the balaneve of my company—no worse or no better off. We were all flffitlng for something which we did not have. The war from that day lost interest to me, but 1 served my time out and was honorably discharged.” Continuing in the same reminiscent mood he said: *‘I was for Cleveland and reform up to 1893, when the ob ject lesson was as plain to me as had been tho reason why I had been In the Confederate army. In that year I was walking on my uppers, and it was with the utmost difficulty that I procured enough to supply my family with the necessaries of life. I was. or thought I was, for free trade, hut by the actual workings of the Wllson-Gorman bill I saw' the Industries of the country paralyzed, and skilled, as well as all other kinds of labor, idle and most of the mechanics as hard up as 1 was. There w as a cause for this general do NOT DISPOSED TO TAKE A SHOT AT HIM. law and provide new legislation to secure information as to what the combinations are doing." If the above is to be the Democratic creed, in what respect docs it differ from “Iowa progressive republican ism?" Some of our Iowa Republicans say that domestic competiton has been destroyed, and that foreign competi tion must come in to take the place of domestic competition, and that is ex actly what Mr. Hamlin says. How are the “progressive Republi cans” of Iowa to make a campaign against Mr. Hamlin's creed? The fight in this country next year will be for or against the tariff as a means of protecting American factor ies and their working men. There can be no half-way ground. If the Republican party, nationally, adopts a platform pledging tariff re form, so-called, the Republican party will be defeated in the Presidential campaign. It will be defeated because the people who turn to the belief of tariff reform will turn away from the party that has always stood for a pro tective tariff. The Washington Post, an independ ent newspaper, does not believe that tariff reform will be put into the na tional platform of the Republican party next year. The Post, in an edi torial commenting on the Polk County Republican convention, gives utter ance to the following doubting expres sion. After noting the pledge on the part of Gov. Cummins to attempt to put the “Iowa idea" into the national Republican platform, the Post says: "That thought, the ‘Iowa idea,' was put into the platform last year In such extremely mild terms that the country failed to realize its full import until . Speaker Henderson flew the track and the other Iowa Republican leaders were metaphorically by the ears and in each other’s hair. In iiis Des Koines speech Gov. Cummins declared that tb. i time has come for enlarging ; the fre list and a general revision of the tal / schedules. That means war on the standpatters, and for that rea- , eon, much as we approve of It, we do not credit the intimation that it was indorsed by the President during the governor's recent visit to Washington. The President has certainly given no intimation, in his public acts or deliv erances, of a desire to promote strife In his party." It may b6 true that the national lead pression, of course, and I concluded ft was too much Democratic free trade. I am not versed on the Intricacies of the tariff, but a blind man can see the dif ference between '93 and now. and can not but know, if he will think, ihat under free trade working men always have hard times, and under protection prosperity. I now have more work than l can do, at good prices, and in the future expect to vote to benefit myself and family by acting with the party which has wrought the wonder ful change in less than ten short years. I am not a politician, further than in the future to lay aside prejudice, war issues and w'hat 1 used to be, and vote not as I shot, but with the party or policy which puts money in my pocket as a recompense for labor, and at the same time makes labor in de mand throughout the entire country. America for Americans before for eign countries is a pretty good motto." — Bates (Mo.) Record. Consumer and Producer. Secretary Shaw: "The employer of labor is both a consumer and a pro ducer, and therefore may be appealed to from either standpoint. The wage earner is also both a consumer and a producer. He consumes food, cloth ing. fuel and shelter and he sells days’ work. He may be so shortsighted as to believe that it would be to his ad vantage to have cheap food, cheap clothing and cheap living expenses generally. Or he might be so farsight ed as to know that the market for his labor anti for the product of his labor is as important to him as to his em ployer. Thus either the employer or the employed may be shortsighted enough to think their Interests are uulike. if not antagonistic, or so far sighted as to know when one is pros perous the other is never hungry or naked, and that when the other is well paid the one is always prosperous." Not With Them. If Iowa Republicans waut to plunge into a tariff revision they might as well know right now that Republicans in other states are not with them. Prosperity under the present tariff law is good enough for most of us.—Schen ectady (N. Y.) Union. Stands Pour Square. Republican protection Is one of the things that stand four-square to all the winds that blow.—Tlonesta (PaJ Re publican. WESTERN CANAOA’S IMMIGRATION Rapid S«ttlament of the Wheat Fields Lying North of the 49th Parallel. (From the Chicago Record-Herald.) "Canada has anticipated a very heavy immigration this year, and she now has figures to show that she U actually getting it in a way to meet all her expectations. In the first four months cf this year the doors of the Dominion opened to 40,672 persons, according to a report prepared by the committee on agriculture and coloni sation of the Canadian parliament. This is almost twice as large as the immigration in the corresponding months last year, and fully three times as large as in 1901, the respec tive figures Veing 22,462 and 13,393. "Most of these newcomers have been attracted by the wheat lands of the Northwest territories. They have moved direct to Winnipeg and they have turned that city into a great camp, In which they have been fitting themselves out for the last stage of their advent ire for new homes. "Of the immigration of this spring a little over a third has come from Great Britain, the figure being 16,457. This Is three times as large as the British immigration of the correspond ing months of the preceding year, and it is within 2,500 of the number of immigrants that the United States at tracted from Great Britain and Ire land In the aime period this spring. Au to the remainder of the immigra tion into Canaux 13,7.0 settlers came from the United States, a 50 per cent increase over the preceding year, and 10,445 from Continental Europe, a 40 per cent Increase. ••These 40,072 immigrants into pan ada may appear trifling In compari son with 297,070 persons who entered the United States In the same period, but they are proportionately more Im portant to the country. Canada’s pop ulation Is one-flfteenth of ours, but her Immigration is now two-flfteenttis as large as ours. It is worth remem bering also that Canadas Immigrants are almost entirely Anglo-Saxon and Teutonic races, while our immigra tion Is now two-thirds made up of Romance and Clar elements." "Speculation Is natural as to ttie future of Canada in her relations to the United States when her North west territories are filled up, but the one bsolutely certain fact of the near future is that the United States is to have a great competitor In the grain markets of the world." The above editorial article taken from the columns of the Chicago Rec ord-Herald of May 26th. shows the condition of the Canadian Immigra tion, which as pointed out, has had a constant growth—a marvellously In creasing growth—for the past six or seven years, until this year, it Is con fidently assumed the increase to Can ada's population, by way of Immigra tion, will exceed 100,000. This is ac counted for by the great agricultural resources which abound there. It Is no fairy tale, but the mater-of-fact experience of the tens of thousands bear ample testimony to the wealth and riches in store for all who choose to accept of the opportunities of fered. Those who wish to learn more of the country can secure Illustrated at lases, pamphlets, etc., giving full and reliable data issued under government authority, by applying to any of the authorized agents of the Canadian government. These agents whose names appear below will quote you the exceptionally low rates that take you to the free grant lands of West ern Canada and render you any other assistance in their power: W. V. Bennett—801 New York Life Building, Omaha, Nebraska. Some people who like hops drink beer and others eat frogs' legs. If every man has his double, how is It that so many of them remain sin gle? Mora Flexible and Lasting, won't shake out or blow out; by using Defiance Starch you obtain batter result* than .possible with any other brand and one third more for same money. A reformer Is generally a man who tries to convert others to his way of thinking. “Still waters run deep”—but the shallow splashing wave attracts (hw most attention. Htl.r RATKS via WABASH KAII.noAB. The Wabash offers many rates to tt.e East from Chicago: Boston, Mass., and return.$19.00 Sold June 25th. 26th and 27th. Boston, Mass., and return.$21.00 Sold July 1st to 5th. Saratoga. X. Y.. and return.$17.45 Sold July uth and 6th. Detroit. Mich., and return.$6.75 Sold July l.'th and 16th. All tickets reading over the Wabash betwen Chicago and Buffalo are good In either direction via steamers be tween Detroit and Buffalo withon*’. extra charge, except meals and berth. Stop-overs allowed at Niagara Kails and other points. Remember this Is “The Cool Northern Ronte” and all Agents can sell tickets from Chicago east via the Wubash. Kor folders and all Information, address HARRY E. MOORES. G. A. P. P . Omaha, Neb. A wise man swallows his pills. A fool chews them. f When the eye is In trouble use a reliable remedy. $¥e saiN^* is a wonderful reliever of sore, weak and iuflamed eves. One bottle usually effects a complete cure. CURES ALL EYE AFFECTIONS.