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About The Loup City northwestern. (Loup City, Neb.) 189?-1917 | View Entire Issue (June 5, 1903)
T The Umpire. A fool there was. and he took a chance (Even as you or I> fn a hunch of baseball disputants With all of an umpire's arrogance. And a mask to cover his countenance (Even as you or I) The fool he called a batter out. And the crowd held him to blame. While the batter batted him over the head. And Jumped on his chest, and left him for dead (Which you will allow was not well bred). And that was the end of the game. —Chicago Tribune. = Mr. Togg's’ Generosity Mr. Toggs was peculiar; but every one is peculiar who is assertive and does not think in all things just as we do. Mr Toggs was not considered a gen erous man; but then the standard for generosity varies so that we cannot always accept even the judgment of friends. Mr. Toggs was generous with him self. This was unquestioning!)' con ceded. In dress he was generous to prodigality. The appearance of his well-developed <i feet 2 of physical manhood, from the luster of his high top hat and immaculate linen to the sheen of his No. 10s was faultless. It was in his family relations that Madam Gossip charged him most un sparingly. She said that he kept no servant for his wife; ttiat he never allowed her family to visit her on account of the added expense that would be incurred; that while he was clothed faultlessly, she was—but why should we be rummaging in oilier folks’ closets to display their family skeletons, when the very thought slarts a commotion in dark recesses nearer home. Remember, Mrs. Toggs never com plained ; not she. Had she not prom ised at the sacred altar to love, wor ship—cherish, 1 mean—and obey? And she did it so thoroughly that all inde pendence of thought and action was lost in her devotion to her over-tower ing spouse. Mr. Toggs fell 111. He had been ex ceedingly generous with himself, and bad indulged in a late banquet at the Ego club. He awakened early in the morning with a most pronounced at tack of indigestion. Mr. Toggs declared that ho had swallowed the larger part of a mill stone. and that it lay with its crush lug weight just below his diaphragm. Then lie felt like the Spartan youth who concealed the stolen fox under his toga, and he experienced the burn ings of a thousand pitiless flames as they ate their way into his vitals. During the first hour’s torture Mr. Toggs groaned and moaned and ex pressed himself in langnuage that was as forcible as tlie conditions de manded. Mrs. Toggs, without any undue dis play of alarm, gave him the full ser vice of her devoted nature. He had been sick once with rheumatism, and she hud witnessed a display of the lack of all Christian graces in the nature of Mr. Toggs when sick, so she was not apprehensive. Indigestion may effect a complete transformation in its victim. It will make either a saint or a demon of the worst or host of men, or change a Hon Into a lamb. Mr Toggs. after a few hours’ torture, became a lamb. Ho uncomplainingly swallowed quarts of scalding hot water. He chewed pep Became a lamb. Biu tablets without amurtnur. He swal lowed Dr. Killer's remedies faithfully, and submitted to applications of mus tard plasters until the outer surface of his body had every appearance of being parboiled Through it all not one word of com plaint or rebellion escaped Mr Toggs’ tips, and Mrs. Toggs was somewhat alarmed. As day and night in regular order | succeeded each other until five revolu tions of the earth on its axis had been completed, and Mr. Toggs avowed that the millstone was growing heavier, the fox was unwearied in his endeav ors to claw out his vitals, and the inex tinguishable iires burned with increas ing fury, and in the face of all he was growing more and more lamblike, Mrs. Toggs became correspondingly more alarmed. This complete change could presage only one thing—the coming end. "Dear!” gasped the tortured Mr. 1 Hastened from the room, a picture of despair. Toggs, as he turned a look of intense longing upon his unfailing wife and noted her anxious face, "won’t you i send for Elizabeth to come and assist ; you? You are overdoing yourself.” Poor Mrs. Toggs could scareely re | strain herself until she hastened from | the room, when she burst Into a flood i of tears. Mr. Toggs was certainly mortally 111. In all their twenty-three years of conjugal relations, he had j never before applied to her so pre ! clous an epithet, arid for the first time I he seemed concerned about her per i sonal comfort. And he had broken his | oft-declared law that there would he | no visiting relations of either side allowed in his home. Elizabeth had a reputation for being an exceptional nurse, and an expert in the knowledge of family remedies. So upon her arrival there was a re sumption, or rather addition, of opera tions. The Indigestion loosened Its hold somewhat, and Mr. Toggs was grateful. “Clarissa, dear,” he said assuring!)-, as he lay bolstered up in a large rock er, "I feel much better, and if I con tinue to improve, and am well to morrow, I’ll give you $5 for your nurs ing and care of me.” Mrs. Toggs hastened from the room the picture of despair. She was sure he was dying, and when she returned to his side, closely followed by the faithful Elizabeth, she manifested no sign of joy at her husband's asser tion of marked improvement. “Elizabeth," and Mr. Toggs’ voice grew stronger. ‘Til give you $5, too, if I am well to-morrow!” Then Mrs. Toggs had a presentiment by a rattling in the chest that he was marked for death, and her little body stooped in anticipation of the crushing blow. Uy noon Mr. Toggs declared that he felt well enough to go out for a walk about the block. As he was adjusting Ills lustrous high-top hat. he said. "If you’ll give me the money I'll settle the : account for the medicines at the drug i gist's.” | Mr. Toggs never liked bills to hang. Mrs. Toggs handed her departing lord and master a shining gold eagle —a part of her week's allowance for all household expenses. The druggist claimed half of the gold, and Mr. Toggs tucked the change in his lower right-side waist eoat pocket. Hut feeling a suspicious sensation that prophesied a return of the tortures, he hastened home and calmly submitted to the untiring ef forts of his faithful nurses for relief. That night Mr. Toggs fell into a refreshing sleep and a./oke in the morning a completely delivered mau. • "Here, dear, is that $5 I promised you," and his thumb and index finger went down into the lower pocket on the right side of his waistcoat, and ha laid a $5 bill on the bureau. Mrs. Toggs murmured her (tranks between stifled sobs, but refrained from touching the sacred testimonial of his dying love. For, surely. Mr. Toggs was nearing the end of his earthly career, and his avowed im provement was only a delusion. She gazed upon him in helpless abandon ment to the inevitable. Mr. Toggs proceeded with his toilet, and when it was completed he turned suddenly toward the bureau and, pick ing up the money he had shortly be fore laid there, said in his old way: "I think, Mrs. Toggs, you saved this much on me in household expenses, for I have not partaken of a single meal while I have been sick. I may as well pay Elizabeth with it.” And he hastened to find Elizabeth. As Mr. Toggs loft the room, his wife experienced a sensation of joy. Mr. Toggs was better. He was his old self again. She was relieved of tho dread that hung over her and she was happy. "Here's the five dollars I promised you.” Mr. Toggs said to Elizabeth, whe was busy preparing the morning meal He laid the bill upon the sideboard iq the diningroom and strode away. Mrs. Toggs and Elizabeth were sc happy that they could only gaze ir, admiration at Mr. Toggs as they sal at the table, while he ate sparingly of the morning repast. Happy Mrs. Toggs stood with Mr Toggs' lustrous high-top hat in hei hand when Mr. Toggs appeared ready to leave for his office. After he haa taken a last reassuring look at himsell In the hall mirror, he went to the din Ingroom, and said to Elizabeth, as ho took the $5 bill from the sideboard: , "I think your board has been worth this much for the time you have been with us as our guest.” Mrs. Toggs never qestioned her hus hand’s intentions. It was enough thal he was well once more, and she was happy. What Elizabeth thought and said as she journeyed homeward would not be complimentary as an epitaph. All that day Mr. Toggs' countenance was lighted with a complacent smile He was a man well satisfied with him self.—Frank E. Graff in Boston Globe WEALTH OF THE WORLD. ! Four Hundred Billion Dollars Is Es timated Total. The total wealth of the world, while not exactly known, has been estimated at $400,000,000,000, says Gnnton's mag azine. This is probably an underes timate of the actual amount of money and property in civilized and semi civilized lands. Of this total the greater part is owned by Americans and Europeans. The United States lias somewhere rear $100,000,000,000, or about one-fourth of the whole. The United Kingdom is the richest country of Europe, its wealth being estimated at £ 11,806,000,000, or £302 per capita. Of the total England's share was £10,062,000,000; Scotland's, £1,094. 000,000; Ireland's, £660,000,00. In American money (at $4.8 pound sterl ing) Great Britain's wealth in 1895 was $56,668,800,000. A recent estimate makes it $59,000,000,000, or $1,442 per capita (In 1891). The annual income of England's population is said to be $5,600,000,000 while the yearly sav ing is $1,948,000,000. It should be remembered that a large amount ot l British capital is also invested in the colonics of the empire and in foreign lands. France Is the next richest nation ol ! Europe. Mulhall estimated its wealth J in 1895 at £9,690.000,000, or £252 per capita. A recent estimate ol France's wealth makes it $48,000,000, 000, or $1,257 per capita (1901). Ay cording to Mulhall. Germany's wealth In 1895 was £8,052,000,000 or £156 per capita. Prussia's share was more than half t £4,940,000,000); Bavaria's £949,000,000; Saxony’s. £456,000,000; Wurtemberg’s. £370,000,000, while the smaller German States had £1,337, 000,000. According to a more recent estimate. Germany's wealth is $4o, 000,000,000. or $7<i9 per capita (19ol) : German money loaned or invested , abroad amounts to $8,000,000,000 ot j more. Russia’s wealth in 1895, as Mul i hall estimated it, amounted to £6,425, 000,000 or£61 per capita. A recent | estimate places Russia’s' wealth at $32,000,000,000, or about $296 per cap ita (estimating the population In 1901 at 108,000,000). Making Monkeys Work. “Monkeys—wild monkeys—can be made to work in India,” said a mis sionary, “Some little ingenuity is re quired to start them, but once they are got going they peg aw ay like good fellows, “They are often put to harvesting the pepper. The natives, aware that they are watching with a profound curiosity, gather the pepper and pile it up carefully in mounds; then, a? though suddenly revolted, as though suddenly weary of a foolish game, they go away and leave the pepper. “The monkeys watch all this. It absorbs them. As soon as evening comes they begin to play the new game themselves. They, too, gather the pepper carefully. They, too, stack it up in mounds. Then, at the end they, too, as though suddenly tired and bored, go away. “What is the result? The result is that the monkeys have harvested thf pepper.”—Philadelphia Record. The Woman's Best. Tom—I can’t help asking my fiancee occasionally why she loves me. Dick—Me too. Mine always gives me a very satisfactory answer. Tom—That so? What does sh« say? Dick—“Because.” j THE SOUTHERN WAY railroad surveyor tells of T-r.XAS HOSPITALITY. Situation in Which He Was Placed Made Him Think It the Ureatesi Welcome Ha Ever Received—First Impression Not Favorable. The man who had been in south west Texas looking over the route for a prospective railroad had been Inter ested in a reference to hospitality in its truest sense. "All day long I had been driving with a man in the dust and the ques tion of a camping place involved find ing the necessary water.” he said. ‘‘There were no streams, no water holes, only dust and hills and alkali. ‘‘Just before sundown we came in sight of some scrubby timber rising from a draw ahead of us and we start ed for it. Just as we turned the ridge we noticed a lonesome looking shack in the edge of the trees, and we drove up to it just as darkness came on. •‘The first sight of anything living was a lean foxhound that dashed out at us. baying; he was followed by two more and after these a pair of collies and then a miscellaneous collection of dogs of all shades and breeds, bent upon attacking us. but snarliug and biting even among themselves. “Suddenly a long, lean figure of a rnan with a hairy face out of which only a pair of eyes and the tip of a nose was showing charged upon the dogs with a stick, sending them scut tling under the house again. Then without a word he came up to us with his eyes fixed on the horses. “It wa3 not an ideal situation for a fagged team and two worn, thirsty men. but 1 tackled the proposition. I didn't mention anything about a rail road, but I laid beautiful stress upon our condition and our needs for a camping place where there was water. ‘•And while I talked he was looking over the team from the front. As I talked some more in my most engag ing manner he stepped around to the side of the off horse to look him over, broadside. It ould be the greatest favor im aginable if only we might stop here," I continued. 'We will make you no trouble and are more than willing to pay for feed for our team.' "He was at the side of the off horse by this time, and I was almost too discouraged to say anything more, thinking perhaps that we had been taken for a pair of horsethieves. I had made another attempt to move him, however, when he straightened up, ex pectorated an immense charge of to bacco juice under the horse anil looked into my face for the first time. “‘Want to stay all night, hey?' “I was trying to tell him again just how much we wanted to do that very thing when he broke in: “ 'Well, ef you want to stay all night I reck^t you’ve struck the damnedest most lively place this side of the Pecos river." "Hospitality?” repeated the man who had been in Twas. "Say, that was the greatest welcoming 1 ever had in my life!”—New York Sun. The Reliance. Oh! here's to the ship whose rollicking clip Shall lower old England's pride! To her our colors and pens we dip As she rides on the rippling tide Just gaze at the rake of her mizzen mast That soon shall rake the seas, And notice the bend of her how abast That bendeth before the breeze, yoho! That bendeth before the breeze' Oil! here's to the rollicking yankee crew That cruises her fore an' aft! As clever a crew with chart and chew As ever canoed a craft They're bully bold boys in a blow, you bet. And gloat on a gallant gale. So lower away at the anchoret And swing to the swelling sal! yoho! And swing to the swelling sail! Oh! here’s to the rollicking random verse They print In the papers now! It can't tell a halyard hitch from a hearse And doesn’t know boom from bow. The ship, no doubt, needs a crew that’s stout. And a captain does no wrong. But you can't compete for a cup with out The swash of a salt-sea song, yoho! The swash of a salt-sea song! Hard on the Undertaker. "You seem to be enjoying unusual ly good health,” said the friend of the family. "The last time I was here you were up against a severe attack of dys pepsia." “That's right." replied the jovial head of the household. “I bunkoed the undertaker out of a job, all right, all right." "How did you manage it?" was thp friendly Interrogatory. "I got hold of my wife’s cookbook and malt a bonfire of it." was the significant reply. Orange Colored Beards. The natives of Aden are as black as as the ace of spades, but all of them persist in dyeing their hair the color Df a ripe orange. If the men have beards, they dye them the same color. An Englishman with a beautiful head if red hair visited Aden. He was besieged by crowds of natives who Thought he had dyed it. They liked .he color better thau their own and wanted the recipe. Why There Are So Many Mason*. A little girl tells what she knowe lbout King Solomon in the following 'saay: “King Solomon was a man who lived ever so long ago and in the country in which he governed he was he whole thing. King Solomon built Solomon's temple and was the father >f all the Masons. He had 700 wives md 200 lady friends and that is why here are so many Masons in the world.” ITALY TIRED OF HER PAST. Some of Her Ancient Landmark* Like ly to Disappear Before Long. Italy is tired of a glorious death. Her sons boast of Garibaldi and Mar toni. not of Raphael and Julius Caesar. Venetians may well shrug their shoul iers when foreigners complain of steamboats in the Grand canal. They are not. the grievers when the Cam panile falls. The papers and states man exhorts the people to Imitate more powerful nations and abandon their idle, pleasure-loving spirit, their love of pageantry, idleness and fire works. their indifference to education, to sound politics and finance. The Roman city government Is now willing to construct railways along side the Forum. The old is mixed with the new. industry with art, en ergy with decay. There is a telephone at the spot w'here St. Peter is sup posed to have been crucified. I saw the king of Italy in an automobile by the ruins in which Christian girls were gored by bulls. His four attendant guards rode bicycles. Trams and busses start from the square in which are Nero's bones, where Luther knelt before his great revolt, by the gate through which an endless line of shadows pass, from guilty Macbeth, doing penance, to so many popes and emperors. The greatest of churches is now lighted by electricity as well as by Michel Angelo’s dome and the same new luminary is turned upon the dying gladiator. The Roman glor ies in his modern stations and ugly civil buildings and cares little for Cicero or Brutus, for the renaissance or the antique world. Underneath a statute of Garibaldi, on one of the Roman mills, are groups of figures, allegories, In which Eu rope presides over history and art, America over trade and industry.— Collier's Weekly. CALLED UP AND CALLED DOWN. Mean Trick Played by Joker on Prom inent Citizen. A former city official who is well known in many sections of the bor ough had occasion lo attend a concert given in a large hall the other evening. His wife and many friends were among those present. During an intermis sion every one was somewhat start it'd to hear a stentorian voice ring out from the gallery. "Is the Hon. Mr. Blank present?" the voice said. Slowly and majestically the afore said erstwhile official rose from his place in a prominent part of the house and faced the gallery in a dignified manner, as suited his station in so ciety. "I am Mr. Blank," he replied, as he drew his rather stocky figure to its full height. "Sit down, you iobsteri" called the voice, with an emphasis that was as great as it was embarrassing. Tlie dull thud that was heard im mediately after the above sally was only the noise caused by the ex-offi cial’s anatomy as it came in contact with his rather hard seat. During the laughter and confusion that followed the guilty one escaped.—Brooklyn Times. Place of High Temperatures. A gentleman visiting Ireland, while being driven about to view the scenery of a certain district, had his attention railed by his native driver to "a par ticularly fine bridge, your honor.” “Very fine," said lie. "Has it any name?" "Yes. your honor, it is called Crom well’s bridge." After a while they came in sight of it again, from the opposite side, and the gentleman, not recognizing it, asked, “What bridge is that?” "The same, your honor—Cromwell's bridge.” “Well,” said he. “who is *his Mr. Cromwell that the bridge is named after? Does he live about here? I’d like to see him.” "No. your honor," replied Pat. "Ye can't see Mr. Cromwell—that is, not just at prisint. He's living now where he can light his pipe with the tip of his finger.”—Philadelphia Ledger. Look Pleasant. I pity the man with a troubled brow; I pitj the girl with a scowl; I pity the people with frowns on their faces. And 1 pity the dogs that howl. T pity the woman who's tied to a man With children another one bore; I pity her mother who lives in the house. But 1 pity the children more. I envy the man who is free from ail this. Who's home is a refuge from strife: I envy the woman who Is wife of this man. And the children that they bring to life. A smile is a blessing; a scowl Is a curse; A cross word, a wound that won't heat. So bury your trouble, no matter how hard. And look pleasant, however you feel. One of the Modern Wonders. When you take into account all the varied forms of healing and the num ber of people engaged in ministering to minds and bodies diseased isn't It a wonder that anybody can get sick enough to die? Or is it more to be wondered ai that anybody is alive? Depends on the “Atmosphere.” “There is one thing I can never un dMStand." said the patient looking wcman; “and that is why a man who has been sitting with the crowd all afternoon at a baseball game will come home and say that the noise of the children makes him nervous." Government Claim* Monopoly. The French postal authorities claim that wireless telegraphy comes under the terms of the state monopoly. The authorities at Cherbourg have seized apparatus erected by one of the nu A DANGER SPOT. A dangerous spot for JJt&lU IUO small of the back; it tells of Kidney ills, as do most pains and , aches in the back. Kidney ills begin with backache and end with Dia betes, Dropsy, Brights Dis ease. Cure Kidney and Bladder troubles before they reach the serious stage. Read how easily it can be done. W. J. Hill of 40 South Union Street. Concord, N. C., proprietor of hard ware and harness store, Justice of the Peace, and one of the best known citi zens of that place, says: “Doan's Kid ney Pills proved a very efficient rem edy in my case, I got a boa at the Gibson Drug Store, and used them for disordered kidneys and backache from which I had experienced a great deal of annoyance, trouble and pain. The kidney secretions had bothered me for a long while, were very irregular, dark colored and full of sediment. The Pills cleared it all up and I have not had an ache in my back since taking the last dose. My back is much stronger and my health generally is improved a great deal. I am glad to make a public endorsement of the Pills, trusting that it may be the means of relieving some other suf ferer.” A FREE TRIAL of this great kid ney medicine which cured Mr. Hill will be mailed on application to any part of the United States. Address Foster-Mil burn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. For sale by all druggists, price 50 cents per box. Undertakers are always prepared for death. If you don’t get the biggest and best it's your own fault. Defiance Starch is for sale everywhere and there is positively nothing to equal it in quality or quantity. Indians are occasionally troubled with red aunts. If the electric chair is an instru ment of death where does the accor dion come in? 8tope the Cough and Works OfT the Cold Laxative Brumo Quinine Tablets. FTiee25c. He who never seeks his opportunity will never find it. Think twice before speaking when angry and you may be able to say something more aggravating than if you ha dspoken first. You never hear any one complain about “Defiance Starch." There is none to equal it in quality and quan tity, 16 ounces, 10 cents. Try it now and save your money. Never smash a hedgehog with vnu' fist, or you may have cause to regret it. Odd Frrors in Books. Some one has been hunting for er rors in the writings of old and new authors. He has run down some fun ny mistakes. In “ivanhoe” Sir Walter Scott makes a knight of Richard f converse with a contemporary of Wil liam the Conqueror, who was Richard's grandfather. Tin* new moon appears in the western sky and sets from the moment it becomes visible; but in "The Children of Gibeon” Walter Be sant caused a new' moon to rise in the east at 2 o’clock in the morning. Trol lope makes one of his characters, Andy Scott, come whistling up the street with a cigar in his month. In "Don Quixote” Saneho continues to ride on his donkey after having la mented the animal's death, in "The Reign of Law," by Jainesp Lane Al len. one of the characters refers to a hook which was not published for ten years alter the time the reference was said to have been made. Hamlin Gar land wrote in 189(1 “The Rose of Duteh er's Coolly,” and one of the characters in the novel is given about three differ ent names. Jacob Riis tells in “The Making of an American” that while a young reporter, in giving the particu lars of a river's overflow, lie described a stone floating on the waste of wat ers. But that was not more wonder ful than the case of our old friend, Robinson Crusoe, who, after taking off Iiis clothes to swim to the wreck, took the precaution to fill his pockets full of biscuits. Neither was it more sur prising than the discovery by a Paris reporter, who found in the Seine “the nude corpse of a man with ten sous in his waistcoat pocket.” DOCTOR ON FOOD. Experimented on Himself, A physician of Galion, O., says: “For the last few years I have been a sufferer from Indigestion and al though I have used various remedies and prepared foods with some benefit it was not until I tried Grape-Nuts that I was completely cured. "As a food it is pleasant and agree able, very nutritious and is digested and assimilated with very little effort on the part of the digestive organs. As a nerve food and restorer it has no equal and as such is especially adapted to students and other brain workers. It contains the elements necessary for the building of nerve tissue and by so doing maintains an equilibrium of waste and repair. "It also enriches the blood by gtv ing an increased number of red blood corpuscles and in this way strength ens all the organs, providing a vital fluid made more nearly perfect. I take great pleasure in recommending Its use to my patients for I value It as a food and know it will benefit all who use it." Name furnished by Poa tum Co., Battle Creak, Mich.