■ The Mystery of a Proposal.'
BY J. NOEL JOHNSON.
(Copyrighted. 1900, Daily Story Pub, Co.)
“Of all strange featers about human
cater to me,” said aunt Jemima Mead
ers, “the quarest one Is that them folks
who have came off first best from the
band o' nater, Is the kind that sets
the least value on the work, while
what nater has been stingy, hard, an’
ugly, in turnin’ out a Job, thar you’ll
find most redicilous self-apreslashun.
The sweetest flowers hide In ugly
nooks, while dog-fennel, jimson-weed,
and burdock crowS along the high
way."
‘T’ve allers noticed that ar,” re
turned old Nance Latimer, giving her
clay pipe fresh feed. “I’ve allers no
ticed that hang-back dispersitlon on
the part of the feater-favored people.
Everybody wants ter chase arter ’em,
an’ that keeps ’em, like a dogged cat,
in er chronic state o’ skeer. I’m most
’Bhamed ter let it git out, Mis’ Mead
ers, but, when I wus a gal, I wuz more
retirin’ nor a crawfish. When young
fellers wud come swarmin’ ter our
house, I’d go up the ladder to the left
like a squirrel up er tree, leavin’ my
plain but brave sisters to bear the
brunt. As er consequince, they was
carried off years afore me, an’ I'd er
still bin single ef it hadn’t er bin for
Mam’s trick. One day, when she seed
Joe Latimer coinin’, she took down
the ladder as he was cornin’ in at the
door. He caught me an wouldn’t let
me go till I blessed him with a prom
ise.”
Aunt Jemima lifted her bandana,
dropped a smile among its folds, and
proceeded:
“I hearn o’ that—yas, take that Ed
gar Taggart for a sample. He’s tall,
broad, fine shaped, an’ is graceful as
a pine when bowin’ and scrapin’ to
a soft wind; still, look how he tries
to sneak away his beauty! He enters
the church house like a timid child
pullin’ back from a stranger. Gals
all focus on him as he enters, an’ jest
set drinkin’ his beauty while he
snooks off in er dark corner an’ sets
blushln like a smoky sunset. On the
other hand, here comes Tim Bradford,
who is ugly enough to make an ole
family nag run away. His white hair
sticks out in wisps, like paint breshes.
TTI « • 1_I. III..
XUO iipo
the edges of wet
sole leather forced
(together. His ears
stick out like fans.
His eyes run out
and his forehead
\ runs hack. His
j nose, long, thin,
high an’ crooked,
* loons line u nau
Nance Latimer, been whittled from
a clapboard with
a dull knife, and stuck on his
dough-colored face by a drunkin’ hand.
Still ho enters a church, an’, in ever
look an’ motion, seems ter announce:
‘Here I come, the king of grace an’
booty!’ An’ his ugly impudence car
ries him to the sides of the pirtiest
gals when church is over. While others
sigh an’ wish they could, he goes right
in an’ dares an’ does.
“It ain’t no serprise to me thet he’s
engaged to Dolly Madden, one of the
pirtiest gals on the cricks. While poor
Edgar Taggart who loves Emma Sal
yers, the sweetest gal in the county, an'
is worshipped by her, stands around,
like a sick rooster in a cold rain, an’
never offers to go with her. ‘Hit
makes me sorry for both of 'em. She
dees all a modest gal can do to toll
him up. but he never gits in grabbin’
distance of her. She’s tried goin’ with
others to spur up his jealousy, but it
only skeers him fudder off. Hits a
plum pity. His bashfulness promises
to leave him in miserable o!e bachelor
hood, an’ will force poor Ella, at some
hopeless hour, into a marriage with
some cheeky thing she don't want. Hut
my son Fred, the lawer out to Vance
burg, tole me when he was home last
Sunday that he wa3 goin’ to fix on
a plan to git ’em together, an’ ef he
sots in on it, he’ll work it. Him an’
Edgar allers wuz the greatest cronies
in the world, an’ its through love for
Ed an’ friendship for Emma that will
cause him to fix up some rascally trick
to get ’em yoked. Can’t fool them
sharp lawyers, I tell ye!”
About a week after the above chat
between Aunt Jemima Meaders and
old Mis’ Latimer, an elegant looking
“town gent” called at the home of Ed
gar Taggart.
"Why, hello, Fred! Come in, sir,”
effusively greeted Edgar Taggart when
he appeared at the door in response
to the former’s knock.
“Of course I’ll go in, and have a
chair and ’make my self to hum,”’
laughingly spoke the young lawyer.
“What’s the news. Fred?” Inquired
Edgar, as a conversation started.
“I hear you are to get married right
away.”
”W-h-a-t!” exclaimed Edgar, spread
ing his blue eyes.
“That’s all I hear, and it’s news
enough for one time. 1 knew for years
you were crazy about one another, and
I’d feared you would never muster up
the spunk to propose, but I congratu
late you on a species of courage I
thought entirely
finer match was
never made in the
mountains. You
are as good as you
look, and she
looks as good as
she is, and that's
a great deal to say
indeed—but not a
j wu U1UV.U, UU,
don’t sit there “W-h-a-t!
with your eyes popping, and your
jaw on your collar bone! You don’t
know how I know but here’s her
answer. I was at her house not over
an hour ago—in fact I carried your
letter of proposal to her, and as I
wanted this long-standing case closed
up—filed awny, a* fO were— I Insisted !
on her answer instanter."
“You took my letter of proposal!
What do j»ou mean, cianf Are you
crazy?" |
"I may bs in some rerpects. It's a
theory of some high grade philoso
phers that on some point or another, 1
we’re all crazy. I’m crazy, I think,
after a little beauty out to town, 1
whose father has a fortune, and you’re
doubtless crazy about Emma. You've
let your mind run on her long enough,
the Lord knows! But drop that crazy
stare and stare at this”:
Edward took an unsealed envelope
thrown In his lap by the lawyer and
read:
My Dearest Edgar:
As you doubtless surmise, I accept your
proposal to marry, although to wed this
evening, I had thought a little sudden. .
Mr. Meaders, who brought me your let
ter, Insists that It ts not too sudden,
however. He says you have your rea
sons for desiring a hasty marriage. I
shall not insist on knowing them. I’ll
be ready at h:S0 ibis evening.
Forever yours,
EMMA SALYERS.
Well, that beats me!” exclaimed the
young man, astonishment, incredulity
and delight all jumbled together in his
expression.
“I see nothing mysterious about it.
A young man writes a letter to a girl
proposing marriage. A friend takes
it where it belongs, and returns with
the girl’s letter accepting with pleas
ure—simplest thing in the world.”
"I never wrote her any letter. I’ll
swear it!”
“Don’t try to throw the girl new,
young man, because you feel too cow
ardly to do what your heart and honor
commands—no; nor you shouldn’t
swear either, for I'm county examiner,
and authorized to administer oaths,
and I have your own letter here that
would convict you of false swearing.
Here, isn’t this your handwriting?”
Edgar took the proffered slip of pa
per and read as follows:
My Dearest Emma:
As you know, for years I have loved
you—secretly, madly loved you! I have
tried to muster up the courage to tell
you so In words, but always faiied. Now,
I've finally decided to write you. Will
you be my wife? And If so, would you
object to the ceremony to-morrow even
ing? Yours ever.
EDGAR TAGGART.
The man put his hand to his fore
head, as if he felt his reason going.
Filially, he said:
“Fred, I’d be the moat delighted man
In the world did I not fear I was either
in a dream or going daft. This is my
handwriting, still, Fred, I tell you I
never wrote it.”
“Then I fear for your reason myself.
I stonned here ves
terday and found
all of you away.”
“Yes; some one
was here. Mother M
said she missed all W
her custard pies 111
from the safe.”
"Just so; well,
after eating all I “
wauteu, i Happen- ^
ed to look oa your ,‘Un'3oubtPdl>--"
writing desk, and saw this letter ad
dressed and unsealed. I opened it, and
read it. I feared you’d never have
courage to mail it, and so I took the
liberty of a iife-long chum to benefit
you everlastingly by carrying It to her
myself. So here we are, ready for a
wedding.”
Edgar’s great joy was dampened by
the mystery of his letter. He knew
he had never written it, still any one
who knew his chirography would have
sworn it was his handwriting.
While he still sat, helpless and stun
ned before the mystery, the young
lawyer’s puzzled look vanished and his
face blazed with the light of discov
ery.
“Edgar,” he shouted, gleefully rub
bing his hands together, “I’ll bet I
have a solution to the mystery that
will relieve you from the menace of in
sanity. You wrote the letter while In a
somnambulistic state. You know you
used to get up at midnight, when we
camped out that season, cutting cord
wood, and would sometimes get a fire
started, preparatory to breakfast-get
ting when I would awaken you."
“That’s so!’’ cried Edgar, brighten
ing, “and I was up and all over the
place night before last.”
“During which time you wrote this
proposal?”
“ Undoubtedly.”
• • • • •
After the ceremony, the lawyer took
Edgar to one side and admitted he had
forged the letter, being so familiar
with the groom’s handwriting. “Just
name your first boy for me is ail I
ask as a return favor.’’
Prickly Pear n Nuisance.
One of the most serious difficulties
in the way of land settlement in some
parts of Australia is said to be an
obnoxious plant called the prickly
pear. As a pest to farmers it may be
fairly classed with the rabbits. It
has taken possession of whole tracts
of country and the settler has to fight
a pitched battle for every acre he calls
his own. A single fruit brings forth
thirty—sixty and even a hundred fold
of good productive seed. All herbage
may droop, die and disappear in the
oven of an Australian drouth, but the
pear survives, flourishes and carries
on its processes of expansion and re
production with unconcern. In the
fierce “struggle for life” when a
drouth Is devastating the land this
pest is a living example of the survival
of the “unfittest.” It was brought to
Australia, like the rabbit, either for
use or ornament, and it has become a
plague and a pestilence. Its extermi
nation in the colony of Queensland, at
least, is a question of national import
ance.
Onr t'onsnl at Ilariioot.
Dr. Thomas H. Norton, United States
consul at Harpoot, is forty-nine years
old and a graduate of Hamilton col
lege. He was for seventeen years pro
fessor of chemistry in Cincinnati uni
versity.
Tba Lady Lieutenant Quit*.
The only wonyui with the rank of
lieutenant in the army has resigned.
Dr. Anita Newcomb McGee, daughter
of Simon Nwcomb McGee, the astron
omer, was appointed acting assistant
surgeon in the United army In August,
1898, to aid in the selection and equip
ment of a corps of army nurses for
field and hospital work. The appoint
ment carried with it the rank of first
ileutenant and the right to wear the
shoulder straps and uniform of an
officer of that grade, a right for which
she did not avail herself. The work
for which she was appointed having
now been fairly organized, Dr. McGee
has resigned, and no successor will be
named.
Carrying Any the Monument.
The Washington monument is said
to be slowly but surely disappearing.
Vandals are carrying it away in their
pockets. The interior is constantly
being defaced. In many places the
inscriptions on stones contributed by
the various states of the union, as
well as those Sent by organizations,
have been greatly injured. From the
appearance of some of the marble it
has been attacked with inron instru
ments. Letters have been broken off
the tablets. While the great bulk of
the damage Is doubtless done by relic
hunters, some of the highly polished
stones have been injured simply for
the sake of defacing them.
A VETERAN SPEAKS.
The Honorable Mnuri It. Crane of Ta
coma, Hath., Telle How Old Soldiers
May Help Themselves.
Tacoma, Wash., Jan. 5, 1901.—(Spe
cial.)—‘T used to have Heart Disease,
but thanks to Dodd's Kidney Pills 1
now have Heart’s Ease.
"Five years ago I was a continual
sufferer of Heart Disease. Exposure
during the war, and a tendency to grow
over fleshy, had greatly aggravated
this dread disease. T often had to sit up
half the night. I had It so bad when I
would lie down. Life looked pretty blue
to me. as I thought there was no relief,
until one day I read an advertisement
of Dodd’s Kidney Pills. I bought a box
that same day, and It was the best
day’s work I ever did. Before I had
used all the first box I could eat and
sleep better than I had done for many
years, and after three months’ faithful
treatment, my health was completely
restored. I am an old man now, but
my step Is as elastic and my brain as
clear as when 1 was thirty years of
age.”
these are the words or the Hon.
Moses B. Crane, secretary of Odin
Lodge, No. 123, I. O. O. F. of this city.
The Hon. Mr. Crane is also Senior
Vice-Commander of G. A. It. Post No.
5. Tacoma.
Those who know Mr. Crane have the
fullest confidence in his honesty and
truthfulness, and know that he would
not give this unsolicited testimonial
unless he had actually experienced the
relief which he indicates in his letter.
Dodd’s Kidney Pills are having a won
derful sale among Mr. Crane's friends
—and their name is legion—in this
part of the country. There does not
seem to be a single case of Heart Dis
ease, Kidney or Bladder Weakness, or
Rheumatism, that Dodd's Kidney Pills
do not permanently cure.
The candidate who expresses him
self is often beaten by another who
pays the freight.
For starching fine linen use Magnetic
Starch.
Many a man starts out to gather
wool and gets fleeced himself.
PUTNAM FADELESS DYES do not
spot, streak or give your goods an un
evenly dyed appearance.
An old toper says he envies acorns
because they always remain in their
cups until they drop.
11
The average man thinks other peo
ple need church more than he Uoea.
TV* pit* IB > Week
■nil «xp«n»e« to meu wlih rlgt to introduce our
Poi mbt Conform). Javbllb lira. Co , Ocut 1>,
l'AS.Oh A, KaKAAA.
A set of false teeth is an emblem of
time.
The beneficial result* of Oarfleld Tea
upon the system are apparent after a few
day* ' use: T1U0 COMPLEXION 18
CLEARED FOR THE BLOOD HAS
BEEN PURIFIED.
The man who possesses a million Is a
capital fellow.
BITS Prrmanrni'y < ure«i. tc f t» or i.ervnnravwafTe*
flrwt dry * u»« of l»r. rvilnv'H i«rr*t Nervi* Ke«t<>?er.
Beni! f'-r Ki<KK Bt.OO t'Ul bottle *n<t treatm*.
bn. iL IL Kia.Mt. Ltd.. 9J1 Area St.. 1 tUi*UeiDbi% i’n.
Every little vice i3 the subject of a
lot of advice.
The favorite for restoring life and color to the hair
If 1 * a k k nit Hair Ualkam.
lii.NDJtKi.oKNt>, the best cure for corns. 15cIt.
The oftener a inan is in the wrong
the louder he crows when he happens
to be right.
TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY.
Taltc '.AXATIVR BROMc UUJNUOC Tabi.kts. All
druggists refund the money if it fulls to cure.
E. W. Drove's signature is on the box. She.
No matter how changeable a man
may be he always wants a little more
change.
$148 will buy new Upright piano on
easy payments. Write for catalogues.
Schmoller & Mueller, 1313 Farnam
street, Omaha.
* ■ - -
love doesn’t laugh at the minister,
and he Is love’s locksmith.
Throw physic to the dops—if vou don’t want
the dogR—but If you want ifood ulgcKiion chew
Ueeuiuu'H Pepsin Uum.
A schoolboy says there are teo many
switches on the road to knowledge.
Ceafne.s Cannot Bo Cared
by local applications, us they cannot reach the
diseu-ed portion of the ear. There 1* only one
way to cure deafness, and that Is by consti
tutional remedies. Deafness is caused by an
Inflamed condition of the mucus lining of the
Eustachian Tube When this tube is lnflnmed
you have a rumidinr sound or Imperfect hear
ing. nnd when It Is entirely closed deafness Is
the result, anil unless the Inflammation can be
taken out and this tube restored to Its normal
condition, hearing will be destroyed forever;
nine cases out of ten are caused bv catarrh,
which la nothing but an Inflamed condition of
the mucus surfaces.
We will give fine Hundred Dollars for any case
of Deafness (caused by catarrh) that cannot
be cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. Send for
slrculars, free.
F. J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo. O.
Sold by Druggists, 75e.
Hall's Family Pills are the best.
When a tricky jockey holds the
reins the race isn't always to the
swift
Plso's Cure Is the host medicine we ever used
for all affections of the thro it and Iuiirb.—Wm.
O. ENDSnSY. Vanburen, lad., Feb. 10, 1900.
Some men are so very good that it
is a question what they are good for.
Magnetic Starch is the very best
laundry starch in the world.
More Mexican Explorations.
Professor Frederick SCarr, of the
University of Chicago, with a photo
grapher and guide, has gone on an
other visit of investigation among the
unknown tribes of Mexico. He will
be absent half a year, and experts to
complete with his journey his studies
of the South Mexican Indians.
What Do the Children Ilrlnk?
Don't give them toa or coffee. Have yon
tried tne new food drink called GUAlN-Of
It is delicious mid nourishing, and takes the
! place of coffee. The more Graiu-O you give
I the children the moro health you distribute
through their systems. Grain-O Is made of
: pure grains, and when properly prepared
; tastes like the choice grades of coffee, but
| costs about % as much. All grocers sell it.
lie and Hoc.
Iowa’s Oldest Voter.
In a newspaper hunt for the oldest
voter in Iowa, Wiliam Zimmer, of
Clinton, has been found, who says his
first vote was cast for James Monroe
in 1820. He whs then living in New
York state, and had just passed his
21st year, which would make him
now above 100 years of age. The rest
of the country is challenged to pro
duce a voter who can beat this record.
(This picture tolls its own story of sisterly affection. The
older girl, just budding into womanhood, has suffered great
ly with thoso irregularities and menstrual difficulties which
sap the life of so many young women.
Lydia E. Pinkliam’s Vegetable Compound can
always be relied upon to restore health to women who thus
suffer. It is a sovereign euro for the worst forms of female
complaints,—that bearing-down feeling, weak back, falling
and displacement of the womb, inflammation of the ovaries,
and all troubles of the uterus or womb. It dissolves and
expels tumors from the uterus in the early stage of develop
ment and checks any tendency to cancerous humors. Iti
subdues excitability, nervous prostration, and tones up the
entire female system.
Could anything prove more clearly the of*
flclency of Mrsm Plnkham's Medicine than the
following strong statement of Grace Stansbury7
“ Hear Mrs. Pinkham I was a sufferer from female weakness for
about a year and a half. I have tried doctors and patent medicines, but
nothing helped me. 1 underwent the horrors of local treatment, but re
ceived no benefit. My ailment was pronounced ulceration of the womb.
_ -.. .. .. -. I suffered from intense pains in tho womb and
ovaries, ana tne oacuache was dreadful. I had
ieuoorrhooa in its worst form. Finally, I grew so
weak 1 hnd to keep my bed. The pains were so
hard as to almost cause spasms. When I could
endure the pains no longer, I was given morphine.
My memory grew short and I gave up all hope of
getting well. Thus I dragged along. To please
my sister 1 wrote to Mrs. Piukham for advice. Her
answer came, but menntime I was taken worse
and was under the doctor’s care for a while.
“After reading Mrs, Pinkham’s letter, I con
cluded to try her medicine. After taking two
bottles I fait much better; but after using six
bottles 1 was cured. All of my friends think my
WTUr -fTir _y r jp^-^ w - | cure uiiuubi uuruvuiuun. i iiiaiiu. yuu very in ucn
| CRACE e STANbBURY | for your timely advice and wish you prosperity
i--- in your noble work, for surely it is a blessing to
broken-down women. I have full and complete faith in the Lydia
E. Pli\khnm Vegetable Compound.”—Uiiacie li. Stansbukt,
HeringtoUj Kansas.
Ifl B3HI iWh d*K /fita llriAl A HR Owing to thr fact that some tktptical
V B H 1 A M grt Ba |i mJw I^KII P*0P‘e have from time to time questioned
fi s 3A 8! ffl til *2 H B lit wa MiaBU thegenuinenersr f the testimonial letters
||T ly w Him III we arc con*,ant'y publishing, we have
1 1113 I D | deposited with the National City ttpnk, of Lynn, Mass., $5,000,
n B B ffj S? *5 W S3 wkich W*H |,c Pa*d to any person who will show that the above
U^f IwjJBp j testimonial is rot genuine, or was published before obtaining the
wr HUP writer's special permission.—Lydia 1$. 1'insbam Medicinb Co.
l—m—e> II IIW ■MJJUlUaMHMMgMMMPMMMMBMBBMMBMMWMWAWMMi
When it conies to word painting the
sign painter is at the top of the lad
der.
Every time a man’s wife looks happy
he flatters himself that he is the cause
of it
No man ever expects h!s wife to
make as may mistakes as be does.
Use Magnetic Starch—it has no equaL
No matter how tall a man is he la
not above critlctsm.
Bilious-dot a Cold?
You’re bjlious, got a cold, you have a throbbing sensation in your head, a bad taste in your mouth, your
eyes burn, your skin is yellow with dark rings under your eyes, your lips are parched and you feel ugly and
mean, as if you wanted to kick a lame infant or kill a canary bird. Your system is full of bile not properly
passed off, and what you need is a cleaning up inside. Don’t continue being a bilious nuisance to yourself
and those who love you, but send out at once for a box of CASCARETS and work off the cold while you sleep.
Be sure you get CASCARETS! Don’t let them sell you a f^Ve substitute.
cers Dectr.tioer 4, 1783. awb*
“I have used yonr valuable CAS- ’
CARRTS and find them perfect. Couldn’t Pr'
do without them. I have used them for capv
somo time for Indigestion and biliousness
and am now completely cured. Recommend
them to every one. Once tried, you will ba'
never be without them in the fnmllv " _
THIS IS in
[EES] 25c- 50c*
NEVER SOLD IN BULK.
THE TABLET DRUGGISTS
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bad breath, bad blood, wind on the stomach, bloated bowels, foul mouth,
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plexion and dlxxlness. When your how'ela donrt move regularly you are
felting sick. Constipation kills more people than ull other diseases together.
t Is a starter for the chronic ailments and long years of suffering that como
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OVAKAKTEED TO (TRE» Fonr years nr© the first ho* of CA8«
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