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About The Loup City northwestern. (Loup City, Neb.) 189?-1917 | View Entire Issue (July 31, 1896)
——— —~ DECOAATION-U AT. Tbe war-cry Ihro’ the land la milled, 1 he cannon’* sullen IIpm are dumb; To-day throughout our laud we bear The aolenm beat of muffled drum. The flags bung drooping from tbe staff Ihe alreels are filled with grave-eyed men; Long dormant memories spring to lllc We live the dead past o’er again. We see thro' mists of falling tenia — The wild, fierce strife of arinc4MH^ We hear the clash of hostile »te<L We feel tlie touch of vanished Safe a We part, as In the dv s of yore. From loved ones long since In tliri^m We hear that mournful s >uml again, The c.snklng fcliett of the slave. We see the Ines of Blue and Gray Minted for the fight, as In tlie past; W e hear the neigh ng of the steeds And wateo to ourselves at last. Instead of rtrlfe, Ihe lute of peace B cntli s softly o’er a vrateful land; Instead of arms the daln'y flowrrs, Are slresu aiiout on every hsud. The Gray now mingles with Ihe Blue In that cU rn»l sleep called death. Their strife is o’eraud In the end We mourn them all with equal breath. From far-off lands »e come to place Sweet blossoms on I In- bonored tombs Andwo-'der vaguely will they see— Our offer,ngs from their nariow room* The emptv sleeve a Northman tears Is MiHtched i y one Irom Southern lands| The fu r Mav-hlossoms tliey would strew Find other eager, will ng hands. And as the one-time warriors stand With tear-dimmed eyes, to lend their aid Tbe r verv actions seem to say “This brotherhood hath all repaid.” Their str fc it o'er, their work e rnptete. And that for wuli li they strove is done: We who remain can hut applaud A noble battle grandly won. “They bulldi d letter limn I Iter knew” A goodly slrueturi—i urfslr land; We mourn Ihe deal but gladly s-e The Blue and Gray -land hand in hand. —Edwin 0. If heeler, In The Current. VllllllllLiUlVL-L'ia UIU He Known Mm. 8. How Ilia Mother > Used to Make’Km. “My dear.” said Mr. Spoopendykc, folding his napkin and pushing his chair back from tlifc table, "my dear, you are a pretty good housekeeper, and once in a while you contrive to cook up a fair meal, but you have no business fooling around a mince pie. There never was but one woman who could make a mince pic, and that was my mother.” “I thought this was nice.” returned Mrs. Spoopendye, with just a little quiver resting on her tip. “I got it out of the cook book-” “And you’d better out it right back in the book as a warning to other am ateurs,” continued Mr. Spoopendyke. “I don’t say that this is especially bad, only it doesn’t meet with ail the re quirements of pie as they were in stilled into my young mind. You might work it on foundling hospitals that nevei had any mother, but it hasn’t the soul 1 used to get out of pie when 1 lived at home.” “How did your mother make the mince pie, dear?” asked Mrs. Spoop endykc. “If I knew what she used, perhaps I could get up one of which you would eat six slices instead of four.” And with this purely feminine dig, Mrs. Spoopendyke looked mod estly downward and began folding knife pleatings in the table cloth. “Come!” exclaimed Mr. Spoopen dyke, jumping inlpetuously from his chair. “If you’ve got the ingredi ents, I’ll show vou how to make a pie that will draw Iiowls of envy from the neighbors,” and Mr. Spoopkendyke led the way to the kitchen. “Where’s your chopping tray and Iho apples? Fetch me the hand guillotine and the beef! Look alive now, my dear, and we’ll startle the world with some rev elations on the abstruse subject of mince pie!” "Let me put this big towel around your neck, so you won’t grease vour clothes,’’ suggested Mrs. Spoopencfyke, dragging out a huge crash towel. “What's that for?” demanded her husband, contemplating it with no amount of favor. “W'hich end of the pie is that thing supposed to have in fluence with? If I make up ray mind when I get through that this pie wants to DO snavou, 1 11 put on this skirt, but in tho meantime 1 want room (or all my limbs. Now,” he continued, as he dumped the beef and apples into the tray aud went at them vigorously witli the chopping knife; “now you watch the proceedings aud note how this pie begins to assume proportions.” “Didn’t your mother peel the apples before she chopped them?” asked Mrs. Spoopendyko, quietly. “Eli!" ejaculated Mr. Spoopendyke, slowing up a little aud looking into the tray distrustfully. “Of course not,” nitd lie resumed' his labors witli more energy. “If you di.l, there’s where you made your mistake. I sup y pose you peeled the beef, too, didn't yeP Though 1 don’t know," aud he stopped short and regarded his work attentively. ••It strikes me this meat would chop liner if some oue had drop ped a pile driver on it once or 'wice. Anyway, you don’t want your meat too line, aud 1 guess this willdu,” ami ; Mr. Npoopendy ke set the tray full of lumps on the table aud rolled up his sleeves. "What will you have now, dearP” inquired his wife, tenderly. “Nome Hour and water,” replied Mr. N, HMipendyke, cheerily, “It’s the crust of a pie that l* Its genius, and I’m going to turn out a slab •d past i) that will las a mourn mei.t to the artist who is weav* j ing this job. Iiiiiiiuu tbe Hour and water, while I feel as one npott whom the spirit of a successful pie rots visibly , Mrs Npoopcndy ke brought out the material and »ace more resum est the relation as n pupil to Ihs M< vrvises, "Anything efse, dear*” the ask cl, n* Mr Nsoopiiudyke wet down S b • Hour and jammed iiU Usis iu the past*. "Nothing but profound silence," re lorted her husband, “the chef Irom bb> with the crust to yuur pie is that yuu altuw yuur attention lu he die* Iras let! from It at the critical moment I. on the ewnlrarv, wdl stop ng this uver«u*t fur that u*.u.«- meet juat at the lesumd it renebea Haklneass” and he slammed In more fust and plunged again Into l» a ambtimua short In 1 be way uf t rust, "Ther*?” enid he when he bad fought It lu the i-»a*tal>-i<cy of •end aud to o dug. and rolled i| toil -ato Iwn lawk chunks. “There la thn , triumph of pie over puttering! Lead out tne pan whom the sods would honor, and let’s see how this combina tion of hereditary intelligence and ac quired brains will go when it’s cooked!” Mrs. Spoopendyke handed him a pie pan into which he dropped his bottom crust, and then poured ia the rnlnco meat. “Got to lift your teeth pretty high to get around some of the meat,” ho observed, as he tried to poke the lumps into position with a slick. ••I’m not sure whether mother used to grate the meat or crack it with u ham mer. but it don't make so much dif ference. It's the crust that talks, when you come to conversation on pie. Now, you do this,” and he marked out a sprig oil tile top crust with liis thumb; “and when you got it on, thus, you pinch it around the edges, so. See? My mother used to have an old wheel out of a wooden clock, and she printed landscapes in holes all over the pie. Hut that isn’t necessary. It adds luster, but no dignity, to the per formance. Now, we put it in the oven, this wise, and in a short time we will have accomplished results in the immediate lino of pie." “It is really wonderful how well you remember how your mother made them,” smiled Mrs. bpoopcndyke. “You won’t feel badly because it beats yours?” said Mr. Spoopandyke, kindly. “You won’t cry?" and lie chucked her under the chin, and opened the stove door cautiously to see how affairs were progressing. “I’ll try not to,” replied Mrs. 8p Kipendyke, easting her eyes down, anil suppressing something that sound ed like a sob. “left’s see. You stick in a broom splint, don’t you, when you want to know if the pie is done? Where's your broom? Show me the happy broom that is to be immortalized by testing this grand apotheosis of pic!” Mrs. Spoopendyke produced the broom, and me nusnami, careiuiiy ho- | looting one of the splints, jabbeil away at tlje upper crust, “It won't go in,” bo remarked, rath er dolefully, selecting another with Himilar result*. “The trouble Is with the broom. Haven’t you got a broom that knows something about its busi ness, or is this one of those pious brooms that won’t work on Sundays?” and he broke up several more splints in a vain cudcavor to penetrate tiie pie. “Hadn’t you better try the handle, dear?” suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke, “No, I hadn't better try the handle, dear!” mimicked Mr. Spoopendyke. “Come out lu re, and let’s see what’s the occasion of this uncalled for resist ance!" and Mr. Spoopendyke hauled his pie out of the oven and tired it down on the table. “(lot an idea that vou’re going to be assassinated witli a broom splint, haven't ye? Think you’re a sort of a bulwark of Ameri can liberties and bound to resent for eign intervention, don’t ye? Well, you ain t; you’re only a measly pie, anti you’re going to have something stuck in ve, if it takes a cold chisel and n eunnonl” and Mr. Kpoodendyko slabbed at it with a fork, and then with a chopping knife, without pro ducing the faintest impression. “You’re up in pie, what d’ye suppose is the matter witli the thing?” he asked, turning on his wife. “If I’d been your mother, I should have put some lard in the crust,” re turned Mrs. Spoopendyke, compla cently. “I don’t know how you’re going to get lard in a crust that you can’t pene with a beyonct!” retorted Mr. Spoo pendvkc, upon whom it began to dawu that there wax a hitch somewhere. “I’ve almost forgotten how mother did try pies to see if they were done.” “Did she ever try a club?” inquired Mrs. Spoopeudi ke, timidly. "No. she didn’t try a club!” roared Mr. Spoopendy ke. Come thither, ray gentle pie!” he howled, planting his tisi in the middle of the apparatus. “Listen to ttie voice of the siren in quiringly within! and he dropped it ou the t!oor. and planted his heel upon it. “Front door closed for repairs; en trance at tiie back!” and ho kicked the whole business to the ceiling. “Your mother must have been very vigorous for her age, ” observed Mrs. bpoopendyke, calmly. “1’ts those gas led' lumps of meat,” snarled Mr. bpoopendyke, picking up his pie, aud examining its knobs and bumps attentively. “1 thought they’d melt when subjected to intense beat. Anyway, the inside of that pie is all rigid, if i could only gut the lid oil'. Got any thing I eau get under the edge and lift the roof ott this business? Gimme that e:ui opener! Give way, now! Wlioon! Once more! Kiyuti! Ail together, now! Who-e e! There she j comes!” Amt the crush gave way re vealing chunk* of beef and apple par j ings, half-cooked.aud still steaming. ”1 suppose your mother put iu the J spice* Kiel elder after the hired tuau had u reuched the pie open.” remarked | Mr*, bpoopendyke, solemnly. “You do, do ye?” squealed Mr. | Spoopendy ke, sqatting down and resting his hands ou hi* knees, while he grinned in Ins w ile's face. “That tump of quicksilver you call your mind, ha* got around to where it I Iran-aft* tin- supposing bosiue**, ha* : itf Crap* you don't Uke the pie! I * po»c you've got •lime fashionable no tion that *ou don't rare lo a*siMuale with this pie! Well, you needn’t, I 1 don't force uuptea*aul acquaint wees i oil my wife t tietievr III making home n |>aradi*e, I do! Go forth, pie! 1 amt h« shied it through the window, glees, sa*h, and ell. “ t hat suit you '” he yelled- “Does your morel nature feel re lie«ed by the abwvuce of the pie v*Ot nave l*»s Instrumental In testing, U|K>U the chilled ehefttie* of alt on- j sy i*| athel hr world *” “I guess that pin can take eat* of itself." suggested Mrs, wpuopaady ke, soothingly, “The neat time I mnke one, I u try and tusvv it Just as your mother used tu.11 “Vow It Intch It!” r«ar«d Mr hpoaqaendykr, stamping up aud down th« kitchea aud slapping tea fust otf hi* (HN|I * V»*u rl ki4 tiki With lMn|k( | t*Ai| itittiiH )»»m ln»k% * (knit# 4m I II |MHif liftl tu | mil MUf A|4 #1*44'* MiMf f i m4 I Mil In Ilk* UWn |M IsH lltlll . Ua viii u4 !r«>m iDlvIiivlHil ( cial intercourse, just because yon ain’ half baked!’’ and Mr. Spoopendyki slammed the door after him, ant mounted the staircase with heavy tread. 1 don’t care,” murmured Mrs Spoopendvke, as she swept up the dt bri», “I don’t care. If that is tiM wav his mother made pie, 1 don’i wonder it left a strong impression ot his mind.” And with this chnritable view ol the situation, Mrs. Hpoopendykc sal down to the consideration of whcthoi she’d better make a false train foi her new black silk.—Drake's Traveler't Magazine. Narcotic (’laills. In Vick's Floral Magazine we read of n llower which creates laughter, ll grows in At tibia; the (lowers are of s bright yellow and the seed resembles small black beans. These are dried by the natives and pulverized, and it is said that small doses make a person behave like a circus clown or a mad man, for he will dance, sing and laugh most boisterously, and curry on iu a ridiculous way for about an hour. The stage of excitement is followed by ex haustion and sleep. This reminds us of nn exoeriment we made many years ago. \Ve iiad seen Prof. James K. Kocharian ex perimenting with pulverized herbs by placing them in the palms of the hands of a class of medical students. While they sat in a sort of expectant mood, waitin'' for something to turn up and holding various powdered herbs in closed lists, every now and then some one of them would tell of the symptoms which were being pro duced upon him. It was to us then a new arid surprising revelation that medicine could thus act without being taken into the stomach, and wo are not yet fully satlstied as to the way they do act under such circumstances. Hut having seen Prof. Huchanan's ex cxqcriuicnts we wore led to try it our selves on a couple of boys about sev enteen your* of age. Powdered Can nabis Indica from the same plant wliieli gives hasheesh, a narcotic used by the natives of India, was placed In one hand of each of the hoys, while they sal quietly waiting to see what would turnup. One of them soon com menced to titter and then to laugh boisterously, and soon ho became so hilarious with excitement that we thought best to take the drug away front him. He soon sobered down. During the period of excitement we tried to get him to say wiiy he was earning on in such a way, hut he was utterly unable to give anv explanation for it other tnau lie felt that way. The other boy quietly nodded off to sleep In his chair. This exiwiriment illustrates two im portant things; first, that medicine can exert an action in this curious manner, and second, that a medicine will ast differently on different per sons, according to temperament or indiosyncracy, or susceptibility, what ever you choose to call it. Further more, it may be remarked that both the exhilarating and the stupifymg re sults observed in those cases are known to be the effects of hashces upon the human system when taken internally. The description of the “laughing plant” given by Vick doe* not corre spond witli the botanical description of the Cannabis Indica plant, though tiiere are some similarities, but in ef fects they are evidently quite alike. Fish ami b isliernicn. Trout are caught in the Truekcc River, Nev., so easily that any one with a bit of crooked wire tied to a stick can get a basketful. Winter iishing in Lake Manitoba has become quite an industry, several hundred persons being engaged in it. The lish is sold on the ice at a ceul and a quarter a pound, or three cents delivered at the railway. In Lord Mansfield's iishing grounds, near Stone Palace on the 'J ay, a sal mon weighing eighty pounds was re cently taken, it was returned to its eleiueut. The heaviest Tuy tish on record weighed seventy pounds. Ill 1872 1,000 markup salmon wore turned into the We-er, but not until recently was the first capture reported. The tish was taken near the place where it was put into the water. It weighed thirty pounds, and its murks showed that it was thirteen years old iu 1872. A race between a trout and a water snake was recently witnessed near Oswego. N. Y. The iisii was on its spawning ground, and kept swimming about in a circle, a little iu advance of Its pursuer. The snake finally caught the fish by the tall, but the trout had the use of its tins, uud kept Its body well ahead ot the snake. I lie suake ilieu bank oil 111> toward shore, and with one liuul etlort drew the bah out of the outer and swallowed it. 1 ilkiu s Star Crou i hs. (live the devil his du-de. Many a uiauy is a fool for revenue only. Sunbeam* »tit»i»«*rt the tloor of heaves. The waste basket is mightier than the lieu Silenoe Is the gold plating for a (•Mil's longue, I'he drunk trd’s thread Ilf life IS wound on tael When hope i|;es the devil adds au other soatp to hi* b*>l. Splitting heirs is noth ng new. Sobituon attempted it. And he Mill, “led there Iw elite," and the ‘ lust fantdy" IwuhM into the worhl. Hope build* a nest la a man's heart where disappointment batehes Its bt<Mnl A t.ltle learning In a fowl, like •rant* powder in a large gun. wilt eowetlaios make ...aside) able sums. •.WkthMk Tints* ■■■■■w - • s — Not iso Sensible. "rather." etelalmed vuueg Jenkins, suturing the obi gentium .u s ».rti.*s, I "i have n.id mi printing otli m " ■•S»i down, lout I am gUd to •«* that you are •» sensible." "Yes. Islki f. | h*l* sold mi «4liS, but I hate le.ogbt another oak" iSist Up' V 'll *» k * w r * littlS1 ,en«e you if * w ■ TsNsiss OLD MITCHELL'S LAST VICTIMS. The Dancrrf Thu Environ Mrn Who Meddl« with a Swamp Amp-1. One of the worst men in the world, so far ns reputation goes, Isold Martin Mitchell, who lives in the swuiiip just batik of here, writes a Blacklist), Ark., correspodent to The New York Sun. He is a terror to the hard men for hundreds of miles around,and yet personally ho Is one of the most nfluido old fellows that ever lived. Not one person in a thousand who tells with prodigious udjoctives ami expletives of the "swamp angel’s” ferocity ever saw him. His reput itatiun bus growu by degreos, until the old colored people have come to look upon him as in partnership with Satan, and many a black mother and nurse scares her lit tle ones by telling them that "dat ole debbil what swiims aroun’ in do mash es is artor ye!” Now, the fact Is that old man Mitch ell, according to Ids own story and the eommon judgment of his fellow-men in this vicinity, is a harmless and law abiding citizen. Hu lias a iiut of some kind in the swamp, where he makes his headquarters, but when the weath er is good lie is just as likely to camp twenty or thirty miles away, wherever nightfall may litid him, as lie is to bo at home. He is a hunter and Usher, and it is probably true that if nobody had ever bothered him he would not have hurt anybody, lie bus been in the swamp for thirty years or more, killing a man now and then, as oc casion seemed to warrant, and making no fuss about it. Heretofore, when theso dillleiilties have occurred, the old man has not thought it worth while to come in ami explain matters, or even pay much attention to his vic tims. If no one claimed tlisiu he has buried them in the bullriislios and gone on about his business. The other day, however, lie found that lie had to kill three men in a bunch, ntid ns this was something unusual, lie came to Blacklist) to upologlzo, and eventually went over to Memphis and communi cated with the sliorill' there on tl|0 point. This wus the first real glimpse i>f siiiflltwntliili fli-if t Las *<11(1/11 (till It IliVoP* lias had in many years, und lie enjoyed it much. Two men named Cummings and liryNon, living at Memphis, came over into the swamps a short time ago lisli ing and hunting, and knowing old Mitchell only by reputation they fired several shots at him, one of them in flicting a painful wound. The old man lay low for awhilo, then arming himself he got a canoe and made pur suit. lie found the trail adillieultone, hut lieing thoroughly acquainted with every nook in the great river, ho knew that unless they took to land he would eventually overtake them. He follow ed them seventy-live miles down stream and then lost the..,. He waited there three or four days without (hid ing a trace of them, blit at length he was informed that they had gone north, and he started after them, llur ing all this long chase he passed al most his entire time in his ilugout. and only went ashore as he found it necessary in order to lay in provis ions. At length he found them, near his own swamp, lie hail gone ashore in the brush in order to cook a little cof fee. and, hearing voices, peered out on the river. There was a boat, with Cummings, Ifrysou, and an unknown man in it. Seizing his rifles, the old man made for a tree and opened lire, the men in the boat standing up and returning it with great spirit. At Mitchell's second shot Cummings drcppe.l and tell into the river, lie next brought down Bryson, who also fell out of the boat. The stranger wus then left standing alone, with a revolver iu each hand, with which lie was making the bark on the old man’s tree fly. Mitchell took careful uint and lived, and the stranger dropped in the boat, which was drifting slowly down stream. Satisfying himself that the job had been well-done, the old man got into his canoe und came up to his hut, wtiere he rested a day or two, and then, with the idea of telling how it happened, he came to town and reported. In conversation M:tchell is very agreeable. He said to the sheriff here: ‘•l’bis here last little difficulty of mine was on a bigger scale than anything • l... t ft... _... 1.. .....I that'* what troubled mu a little. You see, I know u white mun'H rights ev ery time, aud I wouldn't botheryou at all with tills matter oulv I wanted the tiling ail straight. If it ain't all straight just put your damps on me. If it is 1 want to bo getting back to business. I've hud shooting before, hilt only one at a time, aud everyone of them tvus of some euss who waul ed to murder me. I'm a harmless mail, mid yet I never shoot without hitting something. It's lieen my iuuk always to Im on the defensive. Kvcrv mau that I've tieeu compelled to kill haseoiue at me wrong, and I wouldn't harm anybody If everybody would let me alone. The reason that I've never been in before |« lieeatisc you were busy, and I knew there yv'an't any ease against me. If this last thing is all right I'll get bank to the swamp." As no eonndaiiit tins been tiled, the swamp angel Is ev dually to Iwlult un disturbed by the suthorites. With a little (letter understanding between him ami (he lelluws that prowl around In* headquarters aud take him lor a win) man there rn'ght Iw less blood - shed. laird Uudley a Heavy Hda. Those Spirting papei* which hive alluded lu the sensational wages with wbleb the late Karl of IliidTey used flam time lo time to asloaish the ras - ing world have somehow omitted to record the last lie! which he ever made, and wmeh isiuaatisl la laying tt'kusi iu ii.vsm on tVlrarvh, at A* col, fur the twenty >thi(d Triennial, when Morning Mnf won. Into (he yets uivstam «• >d that memorable rate we have no wish to luqnlrw laird 1'udley, || a well known, refused to settle the (»• I for some week* after* ward, and did not engage In any sob sequent turf transa* tion*. He had nvti, indeed, pant a visit to any rnea v “irwe uf recent tears, and had long smee ewaaed to taka mi late real in the *souri nt kings" Hi* wagers, as a tton, were vary MMOMsfut ones were chiefly negotiated on the classic races. He had £9.000 to £2,000 about Heine for the Oaks of 1872, and in a later year netted an eqnallv large amount by the successes of Vlarie Stewart, Apology and Spinaway. With many racing men the story of his having offered to liet £20,000 to £10,000 on Macgregor for tiie Derby of 1870 is very familiar. The late Mr. J. B. Morris was the bookmaker who on that occasion declined tiie sensational wager, only to see Macgregor beaten a quarter of an hour afterward. His feelings may bo imagined.— Whitehall iteview. _ _ Disposal of the Dead. “A statement made by the counsel for tiie Greenwood cemetery associa tion at the recent investigation into tiie management of the cemetery’s af fairs is one to make people think more of cremution than ever before,” said a gentleman who was present at the in vestigation to a Mail and Jixpreu re porter. ••This was, that it was most injudicious to allow relatives or friends to be present when remains which hud long been in a grave were tuken out to be transferred to some other place, be cause the coiliu was likely to have l>e cotne decayed and tiie remains had to lie taken up with a shovel. Just think of that! 1 actually believe I’d rather have tiie urn idea adopted in place of the present burial system, odd as it seems.” Aii olliccr of a cremation company, when asked by a reporter for particu lars regarding the mode of disposing of tiie dead suggested by the above remark, said that from all observations cremation is destiucd at no distant day to supersede tlio practice of grave burials because it had none of their offensive features. “As now conduct ed at Gotha. Milan, and other points of Europe,” he added, “cremation is not for a moment to be confounded witli tiie offensive custom of burning on tiie open pyre, as practiced by the ancients. It is effected in a super heated air chamber, which allows no contact of llatne or fuel with the body, ■ -■ ii a! .- 1 n IIIIU nit HUU ... I'*” ducts of combustion arc completely re generated and rendered innocuous und odorless before being liberated. Why, an approved modern crematory might be erected in Madison square, and but for transporting tho dead bodies thither, could not be an offense to any one. The process is accompanied with no repulsive sight, sound, smell, noise or smoke.” “What is this prooess?” was asked. “The body, covered with a pall, is placed on a catafalque in the chapel or reception hall, whence it descends noiselessly by means of an elevator to the incinerating chamber. This, by means of superhcutud air, lias been raised to a white heat at a tempera ture of about 2,000 degrees fahrenheit. When opened to receive the body tho in-rtishiug cold air cools this chamber to a delicate rose tint, and the body, after remaining an hour in this bath of rosy light, is completely decomposed. Nothing remains but a few pounds (about 4 per cent of the original weight) of clean, pure, pearly ashes. These uro then taken out and put in an urn of terra cotta, marble, or other suitable material, and placed in a niche of tho columbarium or delivered to the friends of tho deceased.” “What is tho usual cost of crema tion?” “The cost of such a disposal of tho hurnau body, after it readies the cre matory, is from #10 to #25, according to circumstances. To this may bo added, if desired, $5 for au urn and #10 each for a niche in the colum barium, where the urn may bo kept, with an inscribed tablet placed in tho wall below the niche commemorative of tho deceased. Thus the entire ex pense would not bo over #60.—A'em York Mail atul A'isursss. The Tabllsher Crushed. “I am, indeed, glad to hear that you are prospering in \our newspaper veu ture,” said a gentleman to the editor. “Thanks,” responded the quill driver. “Yes, I am indeed, glad to hear that von are doing so well. A man who lias struggled along so bravely us you have, deserves to be successful. Ciose application and persistant work de mands recognition. See how 1 have labored, loug and most industriously, and cau look buck to the time when a dollar was as big ns a curt wheel, hut. i bv preaervance and hard work, I have , been enabled to count my wealth by j the thousands." “Fortuue has, indeed, favored you.” “It has lor a fact, and the heroic ef forts of every man should be fully ap preciated by those who have u soul 1 within hlui, aud is tinauoiully able to j do so." “True, every word of it," said the i editor, who wit* mow assured tlmt a ; two dollar subscription was almost ; within his grasp, aud atiolher houored name would tiud itself on the "an ] uoiuled list" uf his subscribers. Hut you kuow us publishers experience great dilUeiilty lit collevliiif our sub scription money, we are put oil with various excuses, and wear out our solus in our frautic efforts to colled i t«hut Is dtiu us." “What is the subscription price to i your paperf" asked the gwullciuau as lie put bis band in Itis pocXet. “Unit two dollars," replied the edi tor • Only two dollars a year, |w#t age paid," “lad me see.” said the gentleman, “that's onli lav eel.Is a week, cheap ' chough You way scud it tu me for a i year. The editor smiled a beautiful stulle, which waa instantaneously Iran* •uogrtHwd into a scow I that w a* a cross between tbe laugh of a frightened dude, and the swart of a subdued • armu. when tie* gentleman concluded by sayingi “Here* Hi« vunta for the next Issue, and you can send tear boy to the house every ■'Saturday aud collect the same amount I like to encourage hunt* talent f'd*• Ni.tiy Aawrwta *s»p t assXv** so thsu | Ksg'tsh sesepetlUMs ta sMtuts nki naesh AawfOse srltsstM sot vtl *t* Iwn so sthk ■ kuss Iksi IIuh sea, if isspt i seimatitgol. • •■aw eg I'Uwj'kaaUt in any to d uf ittawy IMI a UOl'S Assssost loktsss I'SeuMy «i ae-fee twit saaatiMs! t .u .iy et hump *u i usasni's- foi*n»i FACT AND FANCY. A public safety committee of one hundred has been organized In New Orleans to reform the bad local gov ernment. About fifty thousand people visit the White mountains during the sum mer and fall. The hotels can accom modate about twelvo thousand souls at one time. The guests average a slay of two weeks. The will of a merchant of Troy, after being before the courts for sev eral years on the suit of a sister, has finally been established as valid. The cost of the contest has been $30,000 — nearly half of the amount involved. ••What did you moan by telling that infernal lie?” "Wlmt lie?” ••You said you were with <Irunt at the battle of Dull Run. (irant was not at Bull Run at nil.” • Wasn't he?" "No. he wasn’t.” "Well, then, there ain’t no lie out, for 1 wasn't there, either.” A man in a smoking ear on a Dan bury aud Norwalk railway train lean ed over to a man who sat in front of him and said: "Have you a match?" "Yes but I haven’t got any cigar." was the prompt reply, "'lheii you can’t want the match, ’ said liio man, sweetly. A young minister of Oglethorpe county, Georgia, in order to raise funds for ids Sunday scnool, requests the scholars in the school to briug an egg every Sunday, for which tie pays them, and by reselling the eggs se cures tlic needed money to meet the expenses of the school. "I say, Longsbot, whero’s the Irish setter you hunted with last season?” "Oh, I had to shoot him. Good dog; cost me $H3 when a pup.” "What was the matter with him?” "Hydro phobia; worst way.” “Sure?” "Yes; howled and ban fits every time a milk wagon passed the house.” a House at Bcueneciauy, is. i., for u long time infested by roaches ami water-hugs. Last fall a servant, heat ing that toads were an antidote, caught tlirce ordinary hop toads and put them in the kitchen. Not a roucli or water-bug can now be found in tne house. The toads have become domes ticated, never wander about the house, and are so cleanly arid inoffensive that there is no objection to their presence. A professional athlete prints instruc tions "how to walk up stairs without getting tired.” Pah! Any foolcau do that if he’ll only take enough time. What the American people want to know is how to walk up stair* at 'J a. ui. In the dark without falling down twice, waking up the whole house, and taking one extra step after reaching the top. It’s stepping up the step that isn’t there that shakes man's faith in the integrity of the human organism. "Let us go hack,” said tin* scientist, beginning his lecture, “into the dim past of the Tertiary ages.” And his audience arose as one man, and left the hall. They didn’t object to going back to the Tertiary ages particular ly, but they didn't propose to start off OB such a remote excursion with out feeling pretty certain that the re turn tickets wouldn't expire before the home trip was concluded. Any body can go to the Tertiary ages; ft doesn't require a scientist to lake us there. The trouble is to get back here again. t Two Kansas City young ladies were lately made acquainted with grief through the instrumentality of castor beaus. Two geutlemen wagered that they could cat more of them than the ladies, nud swallowed two or three; the girls ate a dozen or more each. It was rather dangerous business. The symptoms of poisoning were painfully severe, and lasted several hours, leav ing tlie patients greatly prostrated. Kieinine, the toxic principle of the bean, is an acrid poison. A number of writers report deaths from eating castor-beaus. A Bridgeport druggist has discov ered a compound winch, when applied to a base-ball, render that object lum inous. One of the drawbacks of play ing base-ball at night under the elec-* trie light Is the inability to see the ball when thrown or oatted into the air with the black night background of sky behind it. By saturating it with the new compound tuc can wane mi motion iti luminous. At rest it docs not give out aiiy light. The illumin ating hall retains its meteoric irrita tion for forty-five minutes. Two or three therefore, would be required to plav a game of nine innings, aud sov , cral could he kept in pickle to that end. A new summer "cottage” at Long Branch shows to what extent of com fort the modern resort has attained. The interior ol the cottugo is finished tu natural wood-, olive, bam boo, chest nut, cherry, ash, Kuglish oak, aud othur woods richly carved by hand. There are no Inside doors on the lower floor, with the exception of those which cut off the butler's pantry from the linll and diuiug-rooiu. home of the elegancies are large pane.* con taining It .slorienl scenes iu colored silk tapestry, a huge Moorish lircp'ai# sartuuuilled W.til quaintly-designed I irou-work. slanted glass wtuduws, In j laid flooring, an elecirl«-bctl system through the house, and model plumb ing. I he library I* fitted up in the 1 .latmnese style, and has n heavy blue I silk canopy ce liti.-, on which dragons | ami other fabulous reptiles UUpoM I themselves. * I I be asst rtion la made by the 1'hda delphia paper* that Helton was re I sponsible lor the tact that thliuw ; dropped from the llruullyii bridge One of the stuff papei# published a lute. In the first chapter uf which the her trine was deer I bed a* attempting suicide by falling fr»ut n considerable height Into the water beiww. The ro ut it nee waa advertise*! throughout the country by vmnuu cl huge postern con taining a big p.» lure uf the descend 1 mg (ill t here seemed to be soma i tb ng last Inni ng in the idea, three I suicides were reported float a* many part* uf the country in rbu* twits itun uf the lutigmar* one iMIum was th«n In I'Mladeipbta, where a girl under t*»»h to realise the ruutasve, and It was the read.tig d her smart >t is declared. that put the liMpct tab* ht« head uf gaining notursety by aunt* a leap a* at length Kitted h ns.