Harrison press-journal. (Harrison, Nebraska) 1899-1905, January 28, 1904, Image 6
3 3 1 1 J 3 Old Blazer's Hero By DAVID CHRISTIE MURRAY. 13 CHAPTER VII. (Continued.) Will had been determined to be found at early. In taking a wife he had not iro posed to cripple himself, ilia friend tailed him "the married bachelor." and M waa proud of the title. It bespoke he fact that he had surrendered uoth mf of hia liberties; that tha yoke which veighed oo most men who married had bund no place upon hia shoulder. Hia wie waa little to blame, therefore, t ahe discovered the fatal error into rfcich she had fallen a little earlier than moat women would hare done. And uow, sfore ahe had found time even to begin reconcile herself to her aituation, ahe tod her husband were put to open tine. The blow fell dull at first, and it waa m hour or two before ahe began to taow what pain it carried. The maid tame to tell her that dinner was ready, ut ahe would not trouble eveu to make a pretense of eating. In a while a tear tt two began to Sow, and when once ahe ad given way so far she had lost control f herself, and flying to her bedroom ahe ocked the door and cant herself upon Ae bed in an abandonment of grief. The weary, dreadful day crawled ou, aiinute by minute and hour by hour, when this burst was over, mid ahe paced aer room to and fro as she looked at the future. More than once a gust of wrath passed over ber spirit and stirred the eick waters of despair. Hut she would have none of that, and wrestled against terself with all her forces. She had uo eight to anger uo right to reproach; ahe sad thrown those rights away. All the while her heart cried out for ter mother. Pride held her bs t, but rave way at last, before the imperious tail of nature. The friendly darkness lad fallen, and no one would -e her ome and go. She was not certain that he was not a prisoner, and even that fear spurred her a li;tle in the way of tier own desires, for she wanted to test It and to know the worst, if there were a worse than had happened already. So he slipped on bonnet and shawl and left the house, no effort being made to re ft rain her. She sped swiitiy homeward the mother's roof had always covered home since her marriage ns before it; and as she went there was such a prom toe of the peace she longed for iu her nother'a anus that it impelled her to run. Wank disappointment at the door. Mother and daughter had bad but little Intercourse of late, and the estrangement fad grown so far already that Mrs. How rth had gone awny on a customary sum mer visit of a week to her aister with- ut letting her daughter know of it. Her father was indoors, said the domestic, and would be glad to see her. .No. she made shift to answer, she would call again when her mother had returned. She dared not face her father with the news. The night had grown black and tem pestuous. She had hud no leisure to notice this before, but she saw it as she turned, and the gloom and threatened ftorm added their quota to the weight which rested on hpr. She sank upon a hillock beneath the tall overhanging hedge and burst into a new passion of tears. Only a minute later Mbe heard between her own fibs the sound of a tulck footstep on the path, and rose to her feet to find a somber figure bending Ter her. "My poor creature," said a pitying and familiar voice, "what's the matter? Don't be afn.id of me. I wouldn't hurt you Car the world." Ned Blane! CHAPTER VIII. Perhaps, if Mrs. Hackett had Had but time to think of it, there waa nobody by whom she would rather have been found In a aituation so painful and humiliat ing, since it was fated that she should be discovered at ail. Ned Blane, to her mind, was wise, tender, discreet and brave and that is not a combination of characteristics at all to be looked for in every young man who may by chance eurprise a woman in distress; and she ms an old friend iuto the bargain. She hrank from him, however, in a new dis tress so acute tt.:.t for the instant the pain of it killed the old one, and sle eeemed almost to recover possession of herself. "It is nothing." she said. "Go away. Mr. Blane. Leave me. Pray do. I am faing home." At the first sonnd of her voice he knew her, and the tone seemed to enter bi heart like a knife. He discerned a tra gedy at once. "Nothing!" he eaid in a voice of real anguish. "Mi, ye, dear, there is much the matter. Tell me can I help you V In all her life she had never heard the voice of a heart in pain until that tnomeut She had heard the voice of lit tle sorrows often enough, but here ahe waa In touch with something terrible. The voire shook ber from head to foot with an instant revelation. "Nothing." ahe aaid. breathing uneven If and trembling. "I am not very well, ad 1 am foolish. Oh, pray go away, Mr. Blane. Let me go home alone. I mm batter. It la all over now." Let me aee you home." he answered la. a voire suddenly dry and rnmmon- 51 are. "I won't diatresa yon by talking, 'ake my arm." Me yielded and walked by bla aide a rough the darkneaa, with a aob catch aa her breath now and again. There era enough in the encounter to fill both salade. Aa for the girl, ahe knew now That ahe had merely guessed Wore. ';' had never concerned her greatly. aaddenly ahe blushed i..,;ly In the ark, and withdrew her hand from hi ana aa swiftly that the motion atartled He had called her 'deer." What had he to surah to her la such a way? What right had she, a married awifaa, ta take the arm of a man who wllrnaai her ia aurti tern? "I will ga home ainue. If yaw please, tit. Haae," aba aaid. "Mm jaw aieaat," ha aaM. aa eaMly aa -9S r3 13 he had spoken last "Your wish U my law - There waa not a touch of gallantry in the toue. Nothing, indeed, could have been further away from it, bnt ahe dis liked the words, and slipped away with a chill "good night," and a "thank you" murmured with half-turned head when she was a dozen paces from him. He stood stock still until her figure was just melting into the darkness, and then walk ed after her, accommodating hi pace to heri, and erely keeping her iu sight a moving shadow. When they left the grassy path, and came upon the road of hard beaten cinder which marked the ! ginning of the town, she could hear hi footstep at a distance behind her, and knew that he wa following. She waa warm with indignation against him now, and the unlucky word winkled wounding ly. I'.lsne, for his part, was unconscious of hav.ng used it. The man in possession wa in the hall when she entered, walking up and down. She esced upstairs. It was beginning to grow late to l.er fancy that is to say. it wa Hearing 10 o'clock but she resigned herself to a further waiting of two or three hour for her husbr.nd's return. She heard hi step on the path and his key at the latch with a heart which beat half in relief and half in fear. It was something to have him back so early; but the news with which she had to receive him seemed a shame'til to tell aa it had been to suffer. ".Mary." called the Jolly, rollicking voice from the foot of the stairs, "where are you?" Then there was an exclama tion, and "Ilillo! what do you do here?" Her place was by her husband's side. If her sense of duty could not carry her so far now how had it led her to the altar? But she moved reluctantly, and came upon the pair pale as a ghost, and with eyes red and swollen with crying. Hackett wa reading the document Ahrnm had presented to hiia by the li'lit of a labip. and lie had thrust his felt hut on one side to clutch a disorderly handful of cni'l. "Will!" she aaid, laying n hand upon his shoulder. lie turned with a- grimace intended' to make light of the thing, and went back to his reading. "Old Lowtber, is it?" said he, half to himself. "He promised to wait, the vil lain. Well, who sups with the Lowtber should have a long spoon. pivI mine's of the shortest. I'm afraid he'll get the l est of :l Look here!" he addressed himself to Abr:im "you keep dark. I've got two or three gentlemen coming to supper and to take a hand at card. I don't want you in the way You nnder staud ?" "Right you 'are, governor," responded Abrum. "I'm willing to make things agreeable. You can have the plate in if you like, so long as 1 see it come out again." Hackett laughed at this, though rath er comfortlessly. "All right, my lad," he said. "You stick to the kitchen." "Will," said his wife, when Abrara had retired, "you won't have people here to-night?" She laid a timid hand ii'ion his arm. and looked up at him appealing- ly- "Why not?" he asked, staring at her in affected astonishment. "I must. They'll be here in five minutes, my dear, and you must get a bit of supper ready." "There is nothing in the house," she answered miserably. "It ia too late to send out, and I am ashamed to send to the tradespeople already." He stood gnawing at hia mustache for a minute, and bent hia eyebrows aa he stared gloomily at the floor. "Oh, I'll put that all right," he said, recovering himself, and turning with hi usual jaunty swagger. "I shan't be away more than ten minutes, and you'll tell the fellows to wait. I'm going dnw to the hotel, and I'll get the laud! send something up." "Will," she broke out sobhYis, ""where ia all this to end? Y'ou entertain your friends when we haven't even bread to eat ourselves that we can pay for hon estly." "look here, Polly," aaid Hackett, turn ing upon her with an expression which hud first surprised her on her wedding day, and had since then grown familiar; "my business is my business. Leave me to it and mind your own. And don't take that tone with me, for I can't stand It, and I'm not going to try." She dropped her hand with a gesture of despairing resignation, and turned away. Mr. Hackett was a great deal too desirou of hi own good opinion to per mit the discussion to close In thi man ner. When a man is indubitably In the right, and l profoundly conscious that there is nothing In hi career for which he can blame himself, he naturally likea to say ao. "I won't have thoae airs," aaid he therefore, "any more than I'll have that tone." Miserable as ah waa, ahe found strength enough for a flash of disdain at thi. The ecoru in her eyea wa weary and aad enough, but it was none the less real on that account "And I won't be looked at in that way, either," ha went on, in a tone more frankly wrathful than he had ever used before to ber. "Don't you try that sort of air on me, my lady, or you'll find It won't pay, I can assure you. If you think I married In order to hove a perpetual wet blanket In the house, you are very much mistaken, let me tell yon. And here's another thing. You've been pretty shy of my friends ever since we married; aad lately, when ever one of them comes iuto the house, I notice that you go away and hide your elf. Now, I'm not going to stand that, either. You'll come In to-night and take your place at the bead of tha ailpper table, where yon ought to be. Mind that, now " Kha never changed tha weary look of anger and disdaia which had impelled Mm to tag this injunction to hia list e mraplalata. and he, grew lag reftlaaa aav fjef Id baa taiWoa awa tIuuir the hall door, had delivesed tK greater prt of hi upwb half fa the and half out of iL TLe young young g-.itIeHu,u not only warned to stand r!l with himself, tut had, per t e, even a stronger desire to mud weil with other jeple; and if he had suspected the presence of Ne Mane out tide it i likely that be would have niod- . ersu-d hi tone; for although it ia un deniably a ph-asaut thing to bully the feble, a lid to hare oue'e way with full assurance of courage, where there ia do danger, the dii triumphant swaggerer would prefer to etecn'e his paces in pri- vate. CHAPTKK IX. Littie as hia presence was suspected, Ned B!jw stuod in the darkness, under the shadow of the hedge, and heard n-or lhau enough of his successful rival's speech and tone to make hi biood boil and bis heart ache anew. By the time Hackett' diatribe was over, Lowever, the )oiliiig flood had all subsided strangely. lit was bitter with in until hi heart loathed its own bitter ness, but he was completely master of himsi-if. and he knew it. The honestly iuccused husband slammed the door be hind him at the 'mind that, now;' and so escaped without retort, and at the same time gave force and point to lis injunc tion. He strode angrily dowu the little gravel path and fumbled for a moment at the gate. In his wrath he shook at it so noisily that he faisa, to bear Blane's footstep, and it wa something of a shock to him to see the somber figuf looming so closely on him in the dark. "Hillo!" he said, starting back nerv ously. "(Jood night. Will!" said Blane. pasa Ing ao arm through one of his with sin gularly firm deliberatenexa. Ned's arm clenched on hi old companion's so firm ly that Hackett felt as though he were in custody, and mnde a half-unconscious movement to extricate himself, but the arm which encircled his felt like a bar of iron. "Iou't you think. Will." said Blane, strenuously but quietly rontmllin; Hack ett' footsteps to the measure of his own, "that you'd better keep those little endearments private eh?" "Oh!" cried Hackett, gladly seizing on the chance this gave him, '"you've been eavesdropping, have you, Ned? Come, now! that doesn't do you any special credit, does it?" "Now I'll warn you." said P.lane, with a curious drynpss and coolness of tone which very much chilled his Involuntary companion, "there's nothing I should so dearly like at this minute hs for you to give me a reasonable chime of quar reling with you on my own account. Will on take that buck, if yoi please?" "Well," said Hackett. who lii.ed lest and less the iron pressure on his arm, "1 don't recognize v n r right, you know, to make any coalmen" on what you hap pcu to overhear between my wife aul me." "Will you take it back, if you please?" Blrine asked again, as the other had not spoken. 'Haven't I taken it back?" Hackett deuiaii '.ed. "I said ,.i hnpp.-ue'l to over hear, didn't I? I have taken it back." "Very well. And now f-ir my q lestion again. Don't you think those little en deaniiputs between man and wife are best kept private? Tell me uow." "1 don't see what it has to do w ith you at all. Ned. Y'ou need not be a meddle some fellow. Ix-t a man mind his own concerns, will you?" "I don't see what it has to do with me, eit!ier," said Blane. The iron grip on Hackett' arm liegan to tremble percep tibly, and while the captive wondered what this might meau he found himself suddenly released, but confronted face ' to face. "I do see one or two things. Blane was saying. "1 do see that you've married one of the best girls in the world, and that you're as worthy of her as I am to be fin angel. I do see that you bully iier and susri at her. like the mongiel jou are. Business of . mine? You may thank your st.-.rs, my lad, that it' no business of mine, for if it were you'd suffer." "Now, come. Ned," said Hackett in an almost genial and altogether allowing and friendly way; "you go too fast and too far. You do now, really. I'm in the most abominable heap of trouble. I've had shameful luck lately, and noth ing seemed to go ns it ought to go. And I've had news to-night that enough to put any fellow out of temper." "Uo your way." Blane answered, wit something very' like a groan. "I've dof with you." "I shan't bear any malice for what, passed between us. Ned," said Ha'-ketl. "Very well," said the other. "Least said soonest mended." "Ned's queer," thought Hackett to himself as he went ou his way. "ili very queer. He used to be prowling a good deal about old Howarlh' house himself. Is that it?" So the one effect of Ned Blane In terference was that it gave Will Hackett a needle to prick his wife with, and he made up his mind to use it (To be continued.) When Knglatid Will tic Coal iluogry. England bag Just been Informed by the royal commission en coal supply that she may expect a coal famine la the year 1945 which I pot so far off when you come to think of It The coal in the "tight little Island" will not be by any means exliausied In 1946. but all of It which Ilea at a less depth tlian 2.000 feet will bave been taken from the earth and burned up. It la estimated that all of England'! coal will have boon transformed Into beat and smoke by the end of a period of from 290 to 300 years. After that time. If coal la still to be used as fuel. It will have to be brought from the United States or China. Nobody knowa bow Urge the coal deposlia of China really are, but tbey are known to bo Immense. Awful Mistake. Beryl Oh. yea. Indeed! Mre. De Ktylea used to be very popular until ahe cave a progresalve euchre party to the kirla. Blbyl Well? "Bbe neglected to arrange p rites for everybody and fix It that all the girls, would win. Baltimore Herald. Too meuiy people only know bjr bear a that It la more blaaasst tt atve the UniMilATHirSCOSSlfcL, I Mr. Tenuey smiled ironically. "And 1 spine I'm only a puukln with no bhsxl to xiseak of an' no heart at all!" be said, with the air of holding him self nobly iu cbctk. Mrs. Truuey re fused to accept the challenge. "That's neither bore- iir l here you're beln' a puiikin," she replied. "What 1 want to know, Atuus, i what you've got ygsinst CJexirgp Unyuioud? lie don't drink; In smokes. I U-licve, but only a pi-. not them cigarette. He's gut a got! education, au' still he's w illiujf to work. An' lie's just lost in love for Alice." "Shouldn't wonder 'f be was." aaid Mr. Tetmey. complacently. "Nothing strange ubxitit that, with me the best fixed lunii in the township." "Why, Amos. I am surprised:" ex claimed Mrs. Teiiuey. "You know ' well you want to know that Ceorge would jvaut Alice just the same if she couie from from the Driiiutuetsrs, down Tunkett way." "Mc-tilie," said Mr. Tetitiey, discreet ly. "Ixi you menu that lie cures for Alice Is-cnuse you're well-to-do?" Unsh ed Mrs. Teiiuey. "Not nltigether," said Mr. Tenney. ciMiIIy. "Ittit 'tis hiinl'y likely that he's unawares of the fad that Alii will have all I've gof some day. Y'ou know he'll never bavea penny from any Ikt.1v." "So you mean lo give tne to under stand that lie's scheming an' calc'lnt ing on Alice's prospects Is that it?" (Ii'inatiili d Mrs. Teiiuey. "I ain't ac using lilm of iinytbiiix '' snbl Mr. Tenney, impartially. "I'm merely saying that tleorge is a iKior young iiihii an' that Alice's prospect urc gisiil." "You was poor yourself when I mar ried you," said Mrs. Tenney, reflective ly. "I admit It." said Mr. Tetiiioy, ns ini M :soti:illy it he win aide, "'lint that's 1111 IVMSoIl Yl llV I sin II l set siil an' HIV Alice make the -:!!! -e l iutiiler." "liiil pa's Ileitis bo diaiiib'il influence yen any?" ;iskeil Mi'. Teiim-y. Mr. Teiiit pi'iv ixod the narrowing circle of his Wife's ('HinillZ. "If you're sToing to lie 1 -r-"mil " be be gan. "I '111 It. AllliisV' persisted Mr. Ten ticy. "No. It (lidn'l. an' you know it." an snorcd Mi". Tenney. sillily. "Y'ou fell In hive v. .i!i me jnsl mo tlidn't you?" Mis. T"u:uy knew If without assurance, but .i- waited anx iously for l.er huMii'iid's! answer. "Ain't !! gettnc: l.ili-l n' niisiv, Ann ';" be nsk'il. u.iU.ly . " Ii was that way, wa'n't it?" Ml. T uiiv.v i on! Jim ii. robustly. Mr. I' lmey picked up the paper lie bad l ei ti reading wlicn the conversa tion benan. "I've a I way explained It that way to myself." lie replied. Mrs1. Tenney got up and began to move about flic room. "I gties I'll be stiTilig." she wild. "We expect ieorge to supper an' to s 'ml the evenln'. He an' Alice sire ciiy d, Amos, and I told 'em I g:iesiil tonight was good's uny to ask your oiivut." Then whs a splint riiij: exclamation behind the paper. "What should !) think we'd betler give 'em silver of money?" Mr. Ten ney asked, cousidei iitciy. "Jn-d which yon lliink best, Ann," answered Mr. Teiiuey, watching; his wife out of the room. "It's all right." Mrs. Tenney contin ued to Alice In flie kitchen; "be didn't begin to po oil as yuitr gnin'pil did. Wh n tun spoke to li!ul about your pi an' me. It t ick the grcitit part o' tit ovci liig 1 brhis him round." Youtb' Cotni union. lr Oilmen Dean of the Htngc. Nowhere arc gray liiilrs Ii Id iu high t r riVt i t tice than on tin sfagi. ( i"1 i I illy win u we ourselves have set, tiit-in come year aft -r ytnr. until tin head licit was once blown Ik rtr akctf wiih silver; ami Mis. (Jiilntl has liv ed to teach n whole genera t Ion ol jO'iti? a tr-s Kometliiiix tbat they entiiiot learn from hooks or a diatnafk scliod about the diliicult ami exquisite ni t of Krowliw: old gracefully. Tin it ha never been a time, hnli-d. w In c tu: could not lui'li her Jiiiiiius a great ik.il about the art of listening on the naso, of keeping In the picture ho aa !o retain the attention of an audience, vithout clamoring for it and of playing oven lln least important scenes so as to give llii-m their fullest significance and value. Every honor that ber profession can brim? save the empty ont of riier fttHi'dim, Mrs. OiUxTt enjoys. Khe ll Kure of the heartiest kind of a rwei tion on her first entrance, ami tha utage hands gather In the wings to watch her during her txnrt scenes, M reover, all New York knows her by ilght and looks after her with kindly eyes en she passes. . "I'm sure I ought to be thankful to the Iord for all His mercies," she said to me once. "I never get Into a crowd Ml street ear without find ng Homebody v.ho knows who I am and gives me a sent." And this Is a tribute that New York pays to no one else. I.ctsllt-'a Moulhly. A Mkeptio. "What do statistics show?" inquired the man who wan warming up to hi t;jjt. "As a rule," answered the man who is always doubtful, "they don't show much except patience and industry on the part of the man who collected tnem." Washington Btar. , dome rules work both ways and some others won't work either way. SUPPOSE WE SMILE, t HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. fleuaat lacidraU Uocarrioa tka World Over-baj ib that Are lr im lo Old ar loiua- - nuns (selec tion mat Everybody Will avnjos. Mother I don't hear the canary singing this uniriiliig. Osti-u. Is he iu a good humor? I Oaten No, in a in ui a. I think he's iu a i - Mother You do? Osteu Yes, the I'ersiau cat swal lowed him. Then Ha kin. "(ieorge. you don't love m any more." "Oh, yes, I do." "Then, George, you have lat-ii de ceiving me. I-ast night you said it was Impossible to love me any more than you did." "Well, er confound It. then I don't." "Oh. Oeorge, how can you! l!ou lioo"' Getting On. Well, Tommy, bow are you getting on ut school?" "1'Irst-rate. I ain't doing so well us some of the other hoy it, though. I can stand on tny bead, but I have to put my feet against the wall. I want to do it w ithout the wall at all." Punch. ' Iessrr fcvil. "Mil." vvnilcd the small boy. "I've lost two teelb, a lock of hair, scraped my shins and tore all my clothes up." "What have you been dolni.'. sir?" demanded the angry woman. "Tell l he truth." "I'-figbling." "Oh, well, it's not so laid. I I bought you'd been playing football." A Long- l-'elt Want. Cusey Ol see there's bin a not her railroad wreck tine to an open switch. Cussitly Ay, 'tis a plly some wan don't invint a switch tiiol ll slay abut whin its open. Philadelphia Press. More lroof. Krnie Some learned professor tells us that MunspotH cause people to lone their tempers. Ida 1 don't doubt it. 1 saw several girls the other day who were mud as hornets because they had freckles. One Urn wbuck. " "i'is love that makes the world go round." whispered the pretty girl as she in s! led closer. "Yes," sighed the. young man us he gliiiiciil at the lime, "and It seems to make the hand of the clock go around, too." P ut fnr m Kepartce. "liid you ever set; a chimney swtepi" asked the solemn man with the black cane. "Xt.," responded the conductor of the ear. "but I've heurd a college yell." A Clear Cnnsc'ence. m is "You arc uv:uk.-h1 of running the end of an umbrella in this man's eye. Are you guilty or not guilty?" "Not guilty, jro'ir honor; the umbrella doesn't belong to me." Two of a Kind "A man needn't be afraid of light ning ao long as, be can see tt approach ing," aaid the would-be humorist "Same way with a bullet," observed the solemn party with a far-off look In his off optic. Ll?ht - ndeed "And after be elopement," he whis pered, tenderly, "we will go to light housekeeping." "Lighthouse keeping!" she echoed. Innocently. "Then all we'll need will be a big lamp." (b'ntae ''rl'l ncT, Julia Is Clementine really to Intel lectual? ; Aurella Oh. yes; she. never can tell you a thing any other nftunan haa oo. One ell Tap-a, wnat is ainafTnj i "My boy, It la thfT price set on a : O i.O i r-z Ss-. ' i. T 7 C-V.' ? , s X. t jr 1 ft I an' liberty." "What Is the dlffereoce betwe and a prisoner oo a pirate ehlpf the man who waa placing baarda the slippery stone walk. "Give it up," responded tha suburbanite. "Weil. 1 have to plank the walk he'd have to walk the plank." aa Eaailv Kaplataed. Teacher Where l your brother this morning. Tommy? Tommy He fell In a barrel of elmu ami hurt himself. Teacher How could cider hurt hlatt Tommy it was hard cider, lua'aJa. .What b Hasaalv BacheUr aW. "Mamma," asked small Floraasaf! "w hat is 'single blesitetlness?' " "Single blessedness." my detU," sa plied the knowing mother, is "bos ijuct that a bachelor throw at hls self when lie wants to marry ssssl can't." A Hrifht Thought. "Yes. ma'am.'' said the obstsuieiei grocery' chfk .Mrs. BridVy, who waa luilning Iht lirst hill of supplies, "!' put down parlor mutches; w but neit?" "Well er 1 suppose 1 ought ta have some kitchen matches. Use, oughtn't I?" Nightly Occurrence. Teacher What is this word? Tommy I don't know, ma'am. Teacher W but docs a genllemsn re move w lien he emers a house? 'lummy Well, if ma is awake pa removes jiis sh'tcK. Sc-ilhiflK. Angry Patron ito wailen HerH Take away this lobster. Why. it' as old as 1 Mia. co A Oiroriate. "I ml you lie alsiut Lever? Went fast to sleep while speeding iu hia aa toniobile." "Yes. ami he sic, it like a top." 'ilmv was that?" "Spinning." 1'iotii-r Hrpartee. "All, this spring chicken is a tooth some morsel, " said the s.veel singer "Uxcuse me," said the cotnotliaa boiir.lcr, "but ll cunimt lie tisitbaonje." "Why not?" "liecuuse chickens have no teeth." An tnrciiHitiabte Keenest. Wife itiiii.illy I an you let me hav a (io'l.ir, dear.' Iluslininl iiestilyi--No, I uttn't Haven't I JH-i spent f'J.lliiit ou uu aula mobile? 1 here's S. nctliin: lo the Wind. Hheltina: the I'aninet. "How was that play, 'The Kail at Suuilago'?" "''rent: The shells' fell among the audience." "You don't say!" "Yes, the gallery boys were eUt peanuts." The Absenl-Mlniled llegaar. She My sister ia coming out neat week. lie How long was she sent up fott Cornell Widow. Perhaps- ile Was. "Who was that young man buggus you lust night?" asked the girl la tail new fall hat. "oh. he Ik a book agent," reapoodal her chum. "Looked to me more like a agent." D. u.l Kany. "How," asked the very young can one tell when love is only plat tonic?" "When It develops into tha othaj kind," rcp'b-d the charming wido "one can look back aud see the tlllTai No Lsnichina: Matter. "I thought you would surely laogk q that little Joke," said the humorist, a) the editor solemnly glanced at thi muniiMirlpt. "Not me," rejoined the man llika the blue pencil, "I never laugh at old friend." Crasy Knnaatla. "Yes, If 1 do say It," aaM flat eat eel ted fellow, "she's craty for atsa, "Uow unnecessary," rtemaj-ksst Bharpe, "you don't require a ay aaaeat a nee In that direction." I-nllsVaffcsttl Press. It All Depaada. "Uow gratifying it must be," tamat the sentimental youth who had flat matrimonial fever, "to be tha ewtest cf one'a own little home." "Yes, It's gratifying enough, I ssjs pese," rejoined the man who had Jua failed In business, "but lfa a wttok lot safer to have one'a wife own It' old a the 8-iaanr. "Telegraphing without wires ia m new thing," remarked the gray balref , passenger. "It Isn't, ehr queried the drummer "Not by a Jugful," continued I he oh man. "Why, air, when 1 published i newspaper forty years ago I got near ly nil my telegraph newa that way." Chicago Newa. -----. i-;. o-sstas -ej .