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About Harrison press-journal. (Harrison, Nebraska) 1899-1905 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 28, 1904)
Old Blazer's Hero
By DAVID CHRISTIE MURRAY.
CHAPTER VII. (Continued.)
Will had been determined to be found
at early. In taking a wife he had not
iro posed to cripple himself, ilia friend
tailed him "the married bachelor." and
M waa proud of the title. It bespoke
he fact that he had surrendered uoth
mf of hia liberties; that tha yoke which
veighed oo most men who married had
bund no place upon hia shoulder.
Hia wie waa little to blame, therefore,
t ahe discovered the fatal error into
rfcich she had fallen a little earlier than
moat women would hare done. And uow,
sfore ahe had found time even to begin
reconcile herself to her aituation, ahe
tod her husband were put to open
The blow fell dull at first, and it waa
m hour or two before ahe began to
taow what pain it carried. The maid
tame to tell her that dinner was ready,
ut ahe would not trouble eveu to make
a pretense of eating. In a while a tear
tt two began to Sow, and when once ahe
ad given way so far she had lost control
f herself, and flying to her bedroom ahe
ocked the door and cant herself upon
Ae bed in an abandonment of grief.
The weary, dreadful day crawled ou,
aiinute by minute and hour by hour,
when this burst was over, mid ahe paced
aer room to and fro as she looked at the
future. More than once a gust of wrath
passed over ber spirit and stirred the
eick waters of despair. Hut she would
have none of that, and wrestled against
terself with all her forces. She had uo
eight to anger uo right to reproach; ahe
sad thrown those rights away.
All the while her heart cried out for
ter mother. Pride held her bs t, but
rave way at last, before the imperious
tail of nature. The friendly darkness
lad fallen, and no one would -e her
ome and go. She was not certain that
he was not a prisoner, and even that
fear spurred her a li;tle in the way of
tier own desires, for she wanted to test
It and to know the worst, if there were
a worse than had happened already. So
he slipped on bonnet and shawl and left
the house, no effort being made to re
ft rain her. She sped swiitiy homeward
the mother's roof had always covered
home since her marriage ns before it;
and as she went there was such a prom
toe of the peace she longed for iu her
nother'a anus that it impelled her to run.
Wank disappointment at the door.
Mother and daughter had bad but little
Intercourse of late, and the estrangement
fad grown so far already that Mrs. How
rth had gone awny on a customary sum
mer visit of a week to her aister with-
ut letting her daughter know of it. Her
father was indoors, said the domestic,
and would be glad to see her. .No. she
made shift to answer, she would call
again when her mother had returned. She
dared not face her father with the news.
The night had grown black and tem
pestuous. She had hud no leisure to
notice this before, but she saw it as she
turned, and the gloom and threatened
ftorm added their quota to the weight
which rested on hpr. She sank upon a
hillock beneath the tall overhanging
hedge and burst into a new passion of
tears. Only a minute later Mbe heard
between her own fibs the sound of a
tulck footstep on the path, and rose to
her feet to find a somber figure bending
"My poor creature," said a pitying and
familiar voice, "what's the matter? Don't
be afn.id of me. I wouldn't hurt you
Car the world."
Perhaps, if Mrs. Hackett had Had but
time to think of it, there waa nobody by
whom she would rather have been found
In a aituation so painful and humiliat
ing, since it was fated that she should
be discovered at ail. Ned Blane, to her
mind, was wise, tender, discreet and
brave and that is not a combination of
characteristics at all to be looked for in
every young man who may by chance
eurprise a woman in distress; and she
ms an old friend iuto the bargain. She
hrank from him, however, in a new dis
tress so acute tt.:.t for the instant the
pain of it killed the old one, and sle
eeemed almost to recover possession of
"It is nothing." she said. "Go away.
Mr. Blane. Leave me. Pray do. I am
At the first sonnd of her voice he knew
her, and the tone seemed to enter bi
heart like a knife. He discerned a tra
gedy at once.
"Nothing!" he eaid in a voice of real
anguish. "Mi, ye, dear, there is much
the matter. Tell me can I help you V
In all her life she had never heard
the voice of a heart in pain until that
tnomeut She had heard the voice of lit
tle sorrows often enough, but here ahe
waa In touch with something terrible.
The voire shook ber from head to foot
with an instant revelation.
"Nothing." ahe aaid. breathing uneven
If and trembling. "I am not very well,
ad 1 am foolish. Oh, pray go away,
Mr. Blane. Let me go home alone. I
mm batter. It la all over now."
Let me aee you home." he answered
la. a voire suddenly dry and rnmmon-
51 are. "I won't diatresa yon by talking,
'ake my arm."
Me yielded and walked by bla aide
a rough the darkneaa, with a aob catch
aa her breath now and again. There
era enough in the encounter to fill both
salade. Aa for the girl, ahe knew now
That ahe had merely guessed Wore. ';'
had never concerned her greatly.
aaddenly ahe blushed i..,;ly In the
ark, and withdrew her hand from hi
ana aa swiftly that the motion atartled
He had called her 'deer." What
had he to surah to her la such a
way? What right had she, a married
awifaa, ta take the arm of a man who
wllrnaai her ia aurti tern?
"I will ga home ainue. If yaw please,
tit. Haae," aba aaid.
"Mm jaw aieaat," ha aaM. aa eaMly aa
he had spoken last "Your wish U my
There waa not a touch of gallantry in
the toue. Nothing, indeed, could have
been further away from it, bnt ahe dis
liked the words, and slipped away with
a chill "good night," and a "thank you"
murmured with half-turned head when
she was a dozen paces from him. He
stood stock still until her figure was just
melting into the darkness, and then walk
ed after her, accommodating hi pace to
heri, and erely keeping her iu sight
a moving shadow. When they left the
grassy path, and came upon the road of
hard beaten cinder which marked the !
ginning of the town, she could hear hi
footstep at a distance behind her, and
knew that he wa following. She waa
warm with indignation against him now,
and the unlucky word winkled wounding
ly. I'.lsne, for his part, was unconscious
of hav.ng used it.
The man in possession wa in the hall
when she entered, walking up and down.
She esced upstairs.
It was beginning to grow late to l.er
fancy that is to say. it wa Hearing 10
o'clock but she resigned herself to a
further waiting of two or three hour
for her husbr.nd's return. She heard hi
step on the path and his key at the latch
with a heart which beat half in relief and
half in fear. It was something to have
him back so early; but the news with
which she had to receive him seemed a
shame'til to tell aa it had been to suffer.
".Mary." called the Jolly, rollicking
voice from the foot of the stairs, "where
are you?" Then there was an exclama
tion, and "Ilillo! what do you do here?"
Her place was by her husband's side.
If her sense of duty could not carry her
so far now how had it led her to the
altar? But she moved reluctantly, and
came upon the pair pale as a ghost, and
with eyes red and swollen with crying.
Hackett wa reading the document
Ahrnm had presented to hiia by the li'lit
of a labip. and lie had thrust his felt hut
on one side to clutch a disorderly handful
"Will!" she aaid, laying n hand upon
his shoulder. lie turned with a- grimace
intended' to make light of the thing, and
went back to his reading.
"Old Lowtber, is it?" said he, half to
himself. "He promised to wait, the vil
lain. Well, who sups with the Lowtber
should have a long spoon. pivI mine's of
the shortest. I'm afraid he'll get the
l est of :l Look here!" he addressed
himself to Abr:im "you keep dark. I've
got two or three gentlemen coming to
supper and to take a hand at card. I
don't want you in the way You nnder
"Right you 'are, governor," responded
Abrum. "I'm willing to make things
agreeable. You can have the plate in
if you like, so long as 1 see it come out
Hackett laughed at this, though rath
"All right, my lad," he said. "You
stick to the kitchen."
"Will," said his wife, when Abrara
had retired, "you won't have people here
to-night?" She laid a timid hand ii'ion
his arm. and looked up at him appealing-
"Why not?" he asked, staring at her
in affected astonishment. "I must.
They'll be here in five minutes, my dear,
and you must get a bit of supper ready."
"There is nothing in the house," she
answered miserably. "It ia too late to
send out, and I am ashamed to send to
the tradespeople already."
He stood gnawing at hia mustache for
a minute, and bent hia eyebrows aa he
stared gloomily at the floor.
"Oh, I'll put that all right," he said,
recovering himself, and turning with hi
usual jaunty swagger. "I shan't be away
more than ten minutes, and you'll tell the
fellows to wait. I'm going dnw to the
hotel, and I'll get the laud! send
"Will," she broke out sobhYis, ""where
ia all this to end? Y'ou entertain your
friends when we haven't even bread to
eat ourselves that we can pay for hon
estly." "look here, Polly," aaid Hackett, turn
ing upon her with an expression which
hud first surprised her on her wedding
day, and had since then grown familiar;
"my business is my business. Leave me
to it and mind your own. And don't
take that tone with me, for I can't stand
It, and I'm not going to try."
She dropped her hand with a gesture
of despairing resignation, and turned
away. Mr. Hackett was a great deal too
desirou of hi own good opinion to per
mit the discussion to close In thi man
ner. When a man is indubitably In the
right, and l profoundly conscious that
there is nothing In hi career for which
he can blame himself, he naturally likea
to say ao.
"I won't have thoae airs," aaid he
therefore, "any more than I'll have that
tone." Miserable as ah waa, ahe found
strength enough for a flash of disdain at
thi. The ecoru in her eyea wa weary
and aad enough, but it was none the less
real on that account "And I won't be
looked at in that way, either," ha went
on, in a tone more frankly wrathful than
he had ever used before to ber. "Don't
you try that sort of air on me, my lady,
or you'll find It won't pay, I can assure
you. If you think I married In order
to hove a perpetual wet blanket In the
house, you are very much mistaken, let
me tell yon. And here's another thing.
You've been pretty shy of my friends
ever since we married; aad lately, when
ever one of them comes iuto the house, I
notice that you go away and hide your
elf. Now, I'm not going to stand that,
either. You'll come In to-night and take
your place at the bead of tha ailpper
table, where yon ought to be. Mind that,
Kha never changed tha weary look of
anger and disdaia which had impelled
Mm to tag this injunction to hia list e
mraplalata. and he, grew lag reftlaaa aav
fjef Id baa taiWoa awa
tIuuir the hall door, had delivesed tK
greater prt of hi upwb half fa the
and half out of iL TLe young
young g-.itIeHu,u not only warned to
stand r!l with himself, tut had, per
t e, even a stronger desire to mud
weil with other jeple; and if he had
suspected the presence of Ne Mane out
tide it i likely that be would have niod-
. ersu-d hi tone; for although it ia un
deniably a ph-asaut thing to bully the
feble, a lid to hare oue'e way with full
assurance of courage, where there ia do
danger, the dii triumphant swaggerer
would prefer to etecn'e his paces in pri-
Littie as hia presence was suspected,
Ned B!jw stuod in the darkness, under
the shadow of the hedge, and heard n-or
lhau enough of his successful rival's
speech and tone to make hi biood boil
and bis heart ache anew.
By the time Hackett' diatribe was
over, Lowever, the )oiliiig flood had all
subsided strangely. lit was bitter with
in until hi heart loathed its own bitter
ness, but he was completely master of
himsi-if. and he knew it. The honestly
iuccused husband slammed the door be
hind him at the 'mind that, now;' and so
escaped without retort, and at the same
time gave force and point to lis injunc
tion. He strode angrily dowu the little
gravel path and fumbled for a moment
at the gate. In his wrath he shook at it
so noisily that he faisa, to bear Blane's
footstep, and it wa something of a
shock to him to see the somber figuf
looming so closely on him in the dark.
"Hillo!" he said, starting back nerv
ously. "(Jood night. Will!" said Blane. pasa
Ing ao arm through one of his with sin
gularly firm deliberatenexa. Ned's arm
clenched on hi old companion's so firm
ly that Hackett felt as though he were
in custody, and mnde a half-unconscious
movement to extricate himself, but the
arm which encircled his felt like a bar
"Iou't you think. Will." said Blane,
strenuously but quietly rontmllin; Hack
ett' footsteps to the measure of his
own, "that you'd better keep those little
endearments private eh?"
"Oh!" cried Hackett, gladly seizing on
the chance this gave him, '"you've been
eavesdropping, have you, Ned? Come,
now! that doesn't do you any special
credit, does it?"
"Now I'll warn you." said P.lane, with
a curious drynpss and coolness of tone
which very much chilled his Involuntary
companion, "there's nothing I should so
dearly like at this minute hs for you to
give me a reasonable chime of quar
reling with you on my own account. Will
on take that buck, if yoi please?"
"Well," said Hackett. who lii.ed lest
and less the iron pressure on his arm,
"1 don't recognize v n r right, you know,
to make any coalmen" on what you hap
pcu to overhear between my wife aul
"Will you take it back, if you please?"
Blrine asked again, as the other had not
'Haven't I taken it back?" Hackett
deuiaii '.ed. "I said ,.i hnpp.-ue'l to over
hear, didn't I? I have taken it back."
"Very well. And now f-ir my q lestion
again. Don't you think those little en
deaniiputs between man and wife are
best kept private? Tell me uow."
"1 don't see what it has to do w ith you
at all. Ned. Y'ou need not be a meddle
some fellow. Ix-t a man mind his own
concerns, will you?"
"I don't see what it has to do with me,
eit!ier," said Blane. The iron grip on
Hackett' arm liegan to tremble percep
tibly, and while the captive wondered
what this might meau he found himself
suddenly released, but confronted face '
to face. "I do see one or two things.
Blane was saying. "1 do see that you've
married one of the best girls in the
world, and that you're as worthy of her
as I am to be fin angel. I do see that
you bully iier and susri at her. like the
mongiel jou are. Business of . mine?
You may thank your st.-.rs, my lad, that
it' no business of mine, for if it were
"Now, come. Ned," said Hackett in an
almost genial and altogether allowing
and friendly way; "you go too fast and
too far. You do now, really. I'm in
the most abominable heap of trouble.
I've had shameful luck lately, and noth
ing seemed to go ns it ought to go. And
I've had news to-night that enough to
put any fellow out of temper."
"Uo your way." Blane answered, wit
something very' like a groan. "I've dof
"I shan't bear any malice for what,
passed between us. Ned," said Ha'-ketl.
"Very well," said the other. "Least
said soonest mended."
"Ned's queer," thought Hackett to
himself as he went ou his way. "ili
very queer. He used to be prowling a
good deal about old Howarlh' house
himself. Is that it?"
So the one effect of Ned Blane In
terference was that it gave Will Hackett
a needle to prick his wife with, and he
made up his mind to use it
(To be continued.)
When Knglatid Will tic Coal iluogry.
England bag Just been Informed by
the royal commission en coal supply
that she may expect a coal famine la
the year 1945 which I pot so far off
when you come to think of It
The coal in the "tight little Island"
will not be by any means exliausied
In 1946. but all of It which Ilea at a
less depth tlian 2.000 feet will bave
been taken from the earth and burned
It la estimated that all of England'!
coal will have boon transformed Into
beat and smoke by the end of a period
of from 290 to 300 years. After that
time. If coal la still to be used as fuel.
It will have to be brought from the
United States or China. Nobody knowa
bow Urge the coal deposlia of China
really are, but tbey are known to bo
Beryl Oh. yea. Indeed! Mre. De
Ktylea used to be very popular until
ahe cave a progresalve euchre party to
"Bbe neglected to arrange p rites for
everybody and fix It that all the girls,
would win. Baltimore Herald.
Too meuiy people only know bjr bear
a that It la more blaaasst tt atve the
Mr. Tenuey smiled ironically. "And
1 spine I'm only a puukln with no
bhsxl to xiseak of an' no heart at all!"
be said, with the air of holding him
self nobly iu cbctk. Mrs. Truuey re
fused to accept the challenge. "That's
neither bore- iir l here you're beln' a
puiikin," she replied. "What 1 want to
know, Atuus, i what you've got
ygsinst CJexirgp Unyuioud? lie don't
drink; In smokes. I U-licve, but only a
pi-. not them cigarette. He's gut a
got! education, au' still he's w illiujf to
work. An' lie's just lost in love for
"Shouldn't wonder 'f be was." aaid
Mr. Tetmey. complacently. "Nothing
strange ubxitit that, with me the best
fixed lunii in the township."
"Why, Amos. I am surprised:" ex
claimed Mrs. Teiiuey. "You know '
well you want to know that Ceorge
would jvaut Alice just the same if she
couie from from the Driiiutuetsrs,
down Tunkett way."
"Mc-tilie," said Mr. Tetitiey, discreet
ly. "Ixi you menu that lie cures for
Alice Is-cnuse you're well-to-do?" Unsh
ed Mrs. Teiiuey.
"Not nltigether," said Mr. Tenney.
ciMiIIy. "Ittit 'tis hiinl'y likely that he's
unawares of the fad that Alii will
have all I've gof some day. Y'ou know
he'll never bavea penny from any
Ikt.1v." "So you mean lo give tne to under
stand that lie's scheming an' calc'lnt
ing on Alice's prospects Is that it?"
(Ii'inatiili d Mrs. Teiiuey.
"I ain't ac using lilm of iinytbiiix ''
snbl Mr. Tenney, impartially. "I'm
merely saying that tleorge is a iKior
young iiihii an' that Alice's prospect
"You was poor yourself when I mar
ried you," said Mrs. Tenney, reflective
ly. "I admit It." said Mr. Tetiiioy, ns ini
M :soti:illy it he win aide, "'lint that's
1111 IVMSoIl Yl llV I sin II l set siil an' HIV
Alice make the -:!!! -e l iutiiler."
"liiil pa's Ileitis bo diaiiib'il influence
yen any?" ;iskeil Mi'. Teiim-y.
Mr. Teiiit pi'iv ixod the narrowing
circle of his Wife's ('HinillZ. "If
you're sToing to lie 1 -r-"mil " be be
gan. "I '111 It. AllliisV' persisted Mr. Ten
ticy. "No. It (lidn'l. an' you know it." an
snorcd Mi". Tenney. sillily.
"Y'ou fell In hive v. .i!i me jnsl mo
tlidn't you?" Mis. T"u:uy knew If
without assurance, but .i- waited anx
iously for l.er huMii'iid's! answer.
"Ain't !! gettnc: l.ili-l n' niisiv,
Ann ';" be nsk'il. u.iU.ly .
" Ii was that way, wa'n't it?" Ml.
T uiiv.v i on! Jim ii. robustly.
Mr. I' lmey picked up the paper lie
bad l ei ti reading wlicn the conversa
tion benan. "I've a I way explained It
that way to myself." lie replied.
Mrs1. Tenney got up and began to
move about flic room. "I gties I'll be
stiTilig." she wild. "We expect ieorge
to supper an' to s 'ml the evenln'. He
an' Alice sire ciiy d, Amos, and I
told 'em I g:iesiil tonight was good's
uny to ask your oiivut."
Then whs a splint riiij: exclamation
behind the paper.
"What should !) think we'd betler
give 'em silver of money?" Mr. Ten
ney asked, cousidei iitciy.
"Jn-d which yon lliink best, Ann,"
answered Mr. Teiiuey, watching; his
wife out of the room.
"It's all right." Mrs. Tenney contin
ued to Alice In flie kitchen; "be didn't
begin to po oil as yuitr gnin'pil did.
Wh n tun spoke to li!ul about your pi
an' me. It t ick the grcitit part o' tit
ovci liig 1 brhis him round." Youtb'
lr Oilmen Dean of the Htngc.
Nowhere arc gray liiilrs Ii Id iu high
t r riVt i t tice than on tin sfagi. ( i"1
i I illy win u we ourselves have set,
tiit-in come year aft -r ytnr. until tin
head licit was once blown Ik rtr akctf
wiih silver; ami Mis. (Jiilntl has liv
ed to teach n whole genera t Ion ol
jO'iti? a tr-s Kometliiiix tbat they
entiiiot learn from hooks or a diatnafk
scliod about the diliicult ami exquisite
ni t of Krowliw: old gracefully. Tin it
ha never been a time, hnli-d. w In c
tu: could not lui'li her Jiiiiiius a great
ik.il about the art of listening on the
naso, of keeping In the picture ho aa
!o retain the attention of an audience,
vithout clamoring for it and of playing
oven lln least important scenes so as
to give llii-m their fullest significance
Every honor that ber profession can
brim? save the empty ont of riier
fttHi'dim, Mrs. OiUxTt enjoys. Khe ll
Kure of the heartiest kind of a rwei
tion on her first entrance, ami tha
utage hands gather In the wings to
watch her during her txnrt scenes,
M reover, all New York knows her by
ilght and looks after her with kindly
eyes en she passes. .
"I'm sure I ought to be thankful to
the Iord for all His mercies," she said
to me once. "I never get Into a crowd
Ml street ear without find ng Homebody
v.ho knows who I am and gives me a
And this Is a tribute that New York
pays to no one else. I.ctsllt-'a Moulhly.
"What do statistics show?" inquired
the man who wan warming up to hi
"As a rule," answered the man who
is always doubtful, "they don't show
much except patience and industry on
the part of the man who collected
tnem." Washington Btar. ,
dome rules work both ways and
some others won't work either way.
SUPPOSE WE SMILE, t
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
fleuaat lacidraU Uocarrioa tka
World Over-baj ib that Are lr
im lo Old ar loiua- - nuns (selec
tion mat Everybody Will avnjos.
Mother I don't hear the canary
singing this uniriiliig. Osti-u. Is he iu
a good humor?
I Oaten No, in a in ui a. I think he's iu a
Mother You do?
Osteu Yes, the I'ersiau cat swal
Then Ha kin.
"(ieorge. you don't love m any
"Oh, yes, I do."
"Then, George, you have lat-ii de
ceiving me. I-ast night you said it
was Impossible to love me any more
than you did."
"Well, er confound It. then I don't."
"Oh. Oeorge, how can you! l!ou
lioo"' Getting On.
Well, Tommy, bow are you getting
on ut school?"
"1'Irst-rate. I ain't doing so well us
some of the other hoy it, though. I can
stand on tny bead, but I have to put
my feet against the wall. I want to
do it w ithout the wall at all." Punch.
' Iessrr fcvil.
"Mil." vvnilcd the small boy. "I've
lost two teelb, a lock of hair, scraped
my shins and tore all my clothes up."
"What have you been dolni.'. sir?"
demanded the angry woman. "Tell l he
"Oh, well, it's not so laid. I I bought
you'd been playing football."
A Long- l-'elt Want.
Cusey Ol see there's bin a not her
railroad wreck tine to an open switch.
Cussitly Ay, 'tis a plly some wan
don't invint a switch tiiol ll slay abut
whin its open. Philadelphia Press.
Krnie Some learned professor tells
us that MunspotH cause people to lone
Ida 1 don't doubt it. 1 saw several
girls the other day who were mud as
hornets because they had freckles.
One Urn wbuck.
" "i'is love that makes the world go
round." whispered the pretty girl as
she in s! led closer.
"Yes," sighed the. young man us he
gliiiiciil at the lime, "and It seems to
make the hand of the clock go around,
P ut fnr m Kepartce.
"liid you ever set; a chimney
swtepi" asked the solemn man with
the black cane.
"Xt.," responded the conductor of
the ear. "but I've heurd a college
A Clear Cnnsc'ence.
"You arc uv:uk.-h1 of running the end
of an umbrella in this man's eye. Are
you guilty or not guilty?"
"Not guilty, jro'ir honor; the umbrella
doesn't belong to me."
Two of a Kind
"A man needn't be afraid of light
ning ao long as, be can see tt approach
ing," aaid the would-be humorist
"Same way with a bullet," observed
the solemn party with a far-off look In
his off optic.
Ll?ht - ndeed
"And after be elopement," he whis
pered, tenderly, "we will go to light
"Lighthouse keeping!" she echoed.
Innocently. "Then all we'll need will
be a big lamp."
(b'ntae ''rl'l ncT,
Julia Is Clementine really to Intel
Aurella Oh. yes; she. never can tell
you a thing any other nftunan haa oo.
Tap-a, wnat is ainafTnj i
"My boy, It la thfT price set on a
: O i.O
i r-z Ss-. ' i. T 7
C-V.' ? , s X.
"What Is the dlffereoce betwe
and a prisoner oo a pirate ehlpf
the man who waa placing baarda
the slippery stone walk.
"Give it up," responded tha
"Weil. 1 have to plank the walk
he'd have to walk the plank."
Teacher Where l your brother this
Tommy He fell In a barrel of elmu
ami hurt himself.
Teacher How could cider hurt hlatt
Tommy it was hard cider, lua'aJa.
.What b Hasaalv BacheUr aW.
"Mamma," asked small Floraasaf!
"w hat is 'single blesitetlness?' "
"Single blessedness." my detU," sa
plied the knowing mother, is "bos
ijuct that a bachelor throw at hls
self when lie wants to marry ssssl
A Hrifht Thought.
"Yes. ma'am.'' said the obstsuieiei
grocery' chfk .Mrs. BridVy, who waa
luilning Iht lirst hill of supplies, "!'
put down parlor mutches; w but neit?"
"Well er 1 suppose 1 ought ta
have some kitchen matches. Use,
Teacher What is this word?
Tommy I don't know, ma'am.
Teacher W but docs a genllemsn re
move w lien he emers a house?
'lummy Well, if ma is awake pa
removes jiis sh'tcK.
Angry Patron ito wailen HerH
Take away this lobster. Why. it' as
old as 1 Mia.
co A Oiroriate.
"I ml you lie alsiut Lever? Went
fast to sleep while speeding iu hia aa
toniobile." "Yes. ami he sic, it like a top."
'ilmv was that?"
"All, this spring chicken is a tooth
some morsel, " said the s.veel singer
"Uxcuse me," said the cotnotliaa
boiir.lcr, "but ll cunimt lie tisitbaonje."
"liecuuse chickens have no teeth."
An tnrciiHitiabte Keenest.
Wife itiiii.illy I an you let me hav
a (io'l.ir, dear.'
Iluslininl iiestilyi--No, I uttn't
Haven't I JH-i spent f'J.lliiit ou uu aula
1 here's S. nctliin: lo the Wind.
Hheltina: the I'aninet.
"How was that play, 'The Kail at
"''rent: The shells' fell among the
"You don't say!"
"Yes, the gallery boys were eUt
The Absenl-Mlniled llegaar.
She My sister ia coming out neat
lie How long was she sent up fott
Perhaps- ile Was.
"Who was that young man buggus
you lust night?" asked the girl la tail
new fall hat.
"oh. he Ik a book agent," reapoodal
"Looked to me more like a
D. u.l Kany.
"How," asked the very young
can one tell when love is only plat
"When It develops into tha othaj
kind," rcp'b-d the charming wido
"one can look back aud see the tlllTai
No Lsnichina: Matter.
"I thought you would surely laogk q
that little Joke," said the humorist, a)
the editor solemnly glanced at thi
"Not me," rejoined the man llika
the blue pencil, "I never laugh at
"Yes, If 1 do say It," aaM flat eat
eel ted fellow, "she's craty for atsa,
"Uow unnecessary," rtemaj-ksst
Bharpe, "you don't require a ay aaaeat
a nee In that direction." I-nllsVaffcsttl
It All Depaada.
"Uow gratifying it must be," tamat
the sentimental youth who had flat
matrimonial fever, "to be tha ewtest
cf one'a own little home."
"Yes, It's gratifying enough, I ssjs
pese," rejoined the man who had Jua
failed In business, "but lfa a wttok
lot safer to have one'a wife own It'
old a the 8-iaanr.
"Telegraphing without wires ia m
new thing," remarked the gray balref ,
"It Isn't, ehr queried the drummer
"Not by a Jugful," continued I he oh
man. "Why, air, when 1 published i
newspaper forty years ago I got near
ly nil my telegraph newa that way."
i-;. o-sstas -ej .
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