Harrison press-journal. (Harrison, Nebraska) 1899-1905, July 09, 1903, Image 4

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    i THE FRASER
I. !
BMPUDENCE, I call it." Raid the I
fair young widow Marston, "when
you know I start for London to
morrow. Marry you, Sim Parker!
You! Why, I may be a 'ladyship' be
fore I come back with all that money.
"You niay. Seme folks 'lows as you
mayn't," Bald Mr. Sim Parker, totally
unmoved by Celinda's scorn. "You've
sold up everything?"
"Everything," said Cellnda, decided
ly. "Everything, even the cow and the j
the pig. Chub cried for the pig; but
the cow and the pig were sold In one j
lot because they're such friends."
"But s'posin'," delicately hinted Sim,
"when you gets to London there ain't
nothin' In this yer yarn about them
millions ?"
"I can't suppose anything of the
sort. No one but a a groundhog like
you, Sim, would think of such a
thing."
"I may be a groundhog groundhogs
Is very good eatin' when you can't git
nothin' else but you're spendin' all
the money you've gut, after you've
paid off the late lamented's mortgage,
Jess to fetch tbeseyer millions. Huw
do you know they're yours?"
"How do I know? Sim Parker, you
make me tired. I I feel it, I tell me.
Wasn't my maternal great-grandfather
a Fraser; and haven't I all the papers
proving my descent from the Erasers
of Ochiltree? There's a matter of four
millions waiaing for me. Pounds,
mind you, not paltry dollars. All I
have to do is to go over to London,
walk into the Bank of England, sav.
'I've come for the money,' and they'll
give It to me straight off, or I'll know
'the reason why. I reckon to stay Just
two days in London, and then home
again. I want to buy the Judge's place
when I come back."
! "You're goin' to take the baby with
your
"Chub? Of course I take the darling
with me. You don't suppose I'd go
without him?"
"And you won't take me?"
"To London, or marry you?"
"Both."
- "Neither, thank you. I don't think
you could live up to the Fraser mil
lions." "You've sorter set folks' backs up,"
delicately hinted Sam, "with theseyer
high-falutin' notions of yours. They're
'glad you're goin'."
The youthful widow turned upon
him with a glorious light In her beau
tiful black eyes. "And you, Sim?
You're you're not glad?"
"See that tree?" asked Sim, pointing
to an ancient rock elm which leaned
crookedly against the side of Cellnda's
pretty little house the bouse she had
Just sold.
"Of course I do! What has that got
to do with Itr
"You'll find me leanin' agin it when
you come back; that's all." The young
fellow's blue eyes impressed her with
a sense of power. Her own fell be
neath his masterful' gaze.
"Croak away," she said, scornfully.
"If I've need of you when 1 come
back. I'll ask for your forgiveness."
"That'll do me," said tbe imperturb
able Sim. "That'll do me, your your
ladyship."
"Her ladyship" made him a pretty
courtesy, and held the Infant Chub,
aged two and a half, more closely to
her. 'You'll be a lord when we get the
money." she said, eeatsHcsU to that
sleeping cherub; "and I'll dress you
up with a gold crown."
"Take my advice, sonny," said Sim
to the Interesting Infant, "and don't
have nothin' to do with It. You'll
have a heap more fun with the pig. I
washed him a-purpose yesterday." He
laboriously produced a document from
his pocket "I've brought you a let
ter." "What for?"
"It's for a big Canadian lawyer set
tled la London Hiram Gould. I've
sent him fifty dollars and told him to
give you a show for the money."
'Yon dared to do that'"
"Of course. I reckoned you wouldn't
take me along. Somebody's got to
take you round and give you a good
time."
Cellnda was touched. "You mean
well, bat you're so ignorant, Sim."
"I'm not too ignorant to know you're
the prettiest girl In the Ottawa val
ley." "You mustn't I'm not a girl, Sim.
I'm a widow."
"If wish In' could have made you a
. widow, you wouldn't have waited all
this time. He was a bad lot"
"Hs was," calmly acquiesced Celin
da. "Most men are. That Is why I
want the money to be Independent of
tnaaa. I wonder who boogkt my boose.
"If roe re very good, when I corns
baak I'll get yon to psnsgs things
r nsa."
T rathsr manage iva." Mid the
bar.
m
tasty."
,; fbwMiiai,
h, I CSat to g m sat sf
' japr a mtx
MILLIONS i
There was a 'big but unsympathetic
procession to see Cellnda start from
the wharf next day. Four Coruerites
vaguely resented Celinda's airs and
graces, and did not believe that she
would get the money. But she looked
so radiant and confident that even the
case-hardened editor of tba Four Cor
ners Gazette offered to adopt Chub un
til she came back. Celinda. haughtily
conscious of the hostility of her for
mer friends, was coldly distant, and
rather resented Sim's accompanying
her to Montreal.
But when the bout was slowly
"tugged" out from the wharf, and
she saw Sim's handsome face receding
In tbe distance. Celinda, conscious of
certain misgivings, took the radiant
Chub down to her cabin and cried
over him a little. Tbe story of her
being the heiress to the Fraser mil
lions was noised about all over the
ship. For tbe last two years Celinda
industriously studied up the family
pedigree, and there was no flaw In the
evidence. As far back as 1750 Fraser
of Ochiltree's eldest sou had emi
grated to Canada. When Fraser of
Ochiltree died his son had never
claimed bis money, which presumably
continued to accumulate. One of the
Montreal papers said that It amounted
to four millions. All Cellnda had to
do was to prove her Identity and bring
back the money. She wanted to settle
down In the Judge's house and show
people what Rhe thought of them. But
when the vessel got outside Quebec,
Cellnda would have given all the Fra
ser millions to be back at Four Cor
ners. But in time she recovered. Chub
(he declined to be seaslcki made vio
lent love to the captain, whom he per
sisted In looking upon as a parent,
greatly to that worthy's embarrass
ment He was a married man, and
told Chub so; but Chub only laughed
and gurgled, and wanted him to "tiss
mummy" a proposal which sent a
blush to the youug widow's pretty
checks.
When Cellnda reached Liverpool the
captain obtained permission from his
owners to take her up to town, and
leave his first officer in charge, Ce
llnda bad refused to marry the first
officer four times, the second officer
twice, the third officer thrice, but they
none of them bore malice, except to
pity the captain for being a married
man. "You see," said the first officer
to his companions in misfortune, "we
can afford to look down on him, bo
cause he's out of It married. Now, If
the widow comes back with us for the
return trip, we can go on proposing
until she gets tired and takes one
of us. It looked at first as if the old
man had the bulge on us, but you Just
wait until he goes home and tells his
wife all about It"
II.
Sim Parker went Into what had once
been Celinda's pretty house and gazed
at It with an atr of satisfaction. Ev
erything was Just as It had been be
fore Celinda went away to fetch tbe
hypothetical four millions. Chub's
cradle, already aired, stood In one cor
ner. Sim gave It a thoughtful push
with bis foot and set It rocking. Soine
Interesting works of art on tbe wall
shone iu fresh frames. The rooms had
been repapered and the kitchen celling
whitewashed. At the sale Sim had
been the only bidder for five photo
graphs of the late unlamented Dick
Marston. With a certain delicacy he
took them into the kitchen and put
them in the stove, as If be thought
they would thus rejoin the person
whom they portrayed. The "hired
girl" wore a new frock, presented to
ber by Sim. Celinda's little pig, no
longer an outcast In spite of bis pit
eous entreaties, had been scrubbed by
Sim Into a state of pinky perfection, in
case Chub wanted to "love him." The
black and white cow looked out from
her stall and lowed to a pretty little
black and white calf which had mys
teriously appeared upon the scene. The
calf wore a collar with tbe word
"Chub" In brass letters.
"So far that's all right" said Sim,
as be went round the veranaa and
noticed a belated humming bird bov
erlng over a big fuschla In Its green
tub. "New, if parson and bis wife will
only come in time' Celinda '11 git bere
Just after dark, and nobody be any the
wiser."
He looked at a telegram from bis
agent in Montreal, and smiled. Then
be frowned.
"I dunno," he mused. "I dunno as
It's fair to Cellnda to force her Into
It Reckon she'll be feelln' pretty
bad."
Be beard tbe whistle of tbe night
boat as she fussed up to the long
wharf. I'd like to wring the neck of
that whip-poor-will," mused 81m, tak
ing his position sgalnst the tree be
had mentioned to Cellnda. "Makes me
feel that lonesome. It gives me the
chills."
The Inhabitants of Four Corners
were all Indoors enjoying their even
tag mosl sad tbe stage, after ram
ly waiting at the wharf to bring an
paiSNigsn, crawled ssaptlly into roar
Centra.
"Jnaa so," aaid Mm. piaddty eon Un
ite to masts, "Joss as. Kb ain't
jasa' to sasaa ay fa the stafs. and fcavs
mtU tte fsMn mmW awt to toar at
vMl 'B'sMmma lifts fllnf 'avwlwsi
tf ami taiga. Osttada's asatt
"Are yon there, 81m T asked a plcao
ant voice, as the parson wire ap
proached a tree. j
"You bet I'm here, Mrs. Clarke,"
said Sim, with a smile; "but It's sort
of lonesome."
"You'll lie very gentle with her,"
hesitated tbe minister's pretty wife.
"You'll be very gentle with her, Sim.
True love Is never harsh or unkind."
Sim nodded cheerfully. "You bet I'll
be gentle. Minister in there?" He
pointed to the little parlor, in which
the lamp shone brightly.
"My husband? Yes; he's very hun
gry, Sim. Don't be longer than you
can help."
"I've got a deputation of our 'lead
ing citizens' hiding behind the barn,"
grinned Sim. "Had to pay old Parker
ten dollars afore he'd come, and Chris
Johnson five dollars; but they've
learned their speech."
"You're a good man, Sim," said the
little lady, and tripped away to Join
her husband.
Presently, as Sim stood leaning
against a tree, a slight figure stole
timidly through the dusk. In Its arms
It carried a bundle. A sob rose to its
lips as it looked at the cozy little
house. Then It turned sadly away.
Chub, who was weary, began to cry.
"I wouldn't go If 1 were you. Celln
da," said Sim, softly.
Celinda gave a little sob also, then
choked It back. "I I wanted just to
have one look at it again. I might
have known you'd be here, Sim."
"Of course," said Sim, quietly.
Didn't I say so?"
"They laughed at me," faltered Ce
llnda. "I went to the Bank of Eng
land with Mr. Gould, and they were
quite satisfied with my proofs. The
only difficulty was that there wasn't
any money. It had never been lodged
at the book at all, and no one knew
what had become of It"
She turned away bitterly.
"Where are you going to put up, Ce
llnda?"
'Anywhere anywhere. I'm going
into the bush," she said, fiercely. "I
haven't a friend left here. It serves
me right. I I'm only grieving for
Chub's sake."
'I wouldn't do that if I was you.
Celinda. Here's your own house wait
ing for you, all fixed up cumferable."
"My own house?"
"Of course." Sim took Chub from
her tired arms. "Your own house, Ce
linda. Shall I carry the little feller Id
for you?",
"But I sold It."
"Well, I bought it back for you
You've no call to thnnk me," said Sim.
"You You'" She knelt at his feet
Sim held Chub with one band and
raised her with the other. "I'll go
away If you don't want me," he whis
pered, brokenly. 'Only, there's a dep
utation walttn' to welcome you back,
and parson's In tbe parlor. Brace up.
Celinda. Brace up."
"Sim, dear, will you forgive me?"
she whispered, and kissed him with
a heart and a half. "I've been wicked,
so unkind, so brutal to you."
"You've kissed me," said Sim.
'Kissed ffid That answers every
thing." i
He led her proudly to the house as
she wiped away her tears. Once in
side, Celinda "braced up" and received
the greetings of the parson and his wife
with shy cordiality. "Would you
please marry us, and then we'll have
supper?" she said, with characteristic
decision; and the parson understood.
The deputation" staggered In as the
brief ceremony finished. "You kin glt
out again," wild Sim. "You've been
asleep behind the barn."
Ain' slep' a wink. Wansh earn ten
dollars," hiccoughed old Parker. "We,
the undershlned " He looked help
lessly round.
Cltl citizens." hiccoughed Jimmer-
son.
We. the undershlned"
Well, you kla juss go and shine
soinewbcres else," said Sim. "I'm a
married man. I am, and I can't have
two cranks like you foolln' round."
After making three unsuccessful at
tempts to find the door the deputation
withdrew.
We'll take tbem home," said the
parson, making a sign to his wife. And
they followed tbe devious footsteps of
the deputation.
Outside, the river murmured at Its
own sweet will. All the happy souls
who bad ever loved shone down upon
them with radiant starlit eyes as Sim
placed sleepy Chub within tbe empty
cradle. Slowly, slowly Cellnda turned
8nd bid ber face upon his breast
Black and White.
Cause nod KflVct.
"I bg your pardon," said the young
doctor, who bad recently settled In
the nalg'bborhosd; "did I understand
you to say yesterday that you never
had any sickness at your bouse and,
therefore never engaged a family phy
sician r
"No," replied Krotchett "I said I
engaged a family physician and there
fore never bad any sickness at our
house." Philadelphia Ledger.
A New-Fans; led Alans Clock.
A Philadelphia bas devised a novel
arrangement of alarm clock and phoo(
ogrspb combined, which not only
wtkes him in the morning, bat tells
biro why he should arise. The spring
which starts the alarm starts a mo
ment later a phonographic attachment,
which says: "Get op, you lasy loafer'
It's 7 0'elock!"
A man who la nearly 80 years old, U
tick, and aays be can't Imagine what
Is tba troabU. W can toll dub: b
waa bora to tong age.
After alt eea fan Has
fas
g$cieiice v
xfajfventionll
The late surveys of the English coast
show a loss of land of forty thousand j
acres since l'i7, although In some j
places, as at New Komuey, the solid
ground has been pushed out two units
or more In the sea.
The city of Toronto couuts on get
ting 12.-,o horse power from Niagara
Fulls, although' Its distance from the
great cataract is ninety miles. Tbe
electric current Is to b carried the en
tire distance from the generating
plant, which will be constructed on
the Canadian side, by cables supported
on a double-pole line.
Evidences of the favorable action of
X-rays uiM)ii lupus and cancer contin
ues to increase. The action Is not yet
understood, one theory Iwlg that It
kills the bacteria, while a more prob
able suggestion Is that the Inflamma
tion sec up brings an accumulation of
phagocytes and leucocytes, and these
"scavenger" cells attack and destroy
the morbid tissues.
Excessive muscular development Is
pronounced by an experienced physi
cian to be not only unnecessary, but
positively dangerous. On ceasing ath
letic training, which every person
must do sooner or later, the system
adapts Itself very slowly to new con
ditions, and digestive and liver trou
bles are very liable to follow. The
great lungs, not needed In sedentary
work, degenerate, often leading to con
sumption. The bacteria mining lamp of Prof.
Hans Mollscb, of Prague, consists of
a glass Jar lined with a compound of
saltpetre and gelatine, previously Inoc
ulated with luminous bacteria. In this
culture the bacteria showed enormous
Increase. In two days a bluish green
light filled the Jar, sufficiently brilliant
to show faces two yards away, and to
enable a person to read large type,
and this light remained for several
days, gradually fading away In about
a fortnight. The light Is cold and
quite safe In mines filled with the
most dangerous gases.
All readers of Scott's novels must
vividly remember the Peak of Derby
shire. This elevated region Is to be
made a source of water supply fur
four cities Sheffield, Derby, Notting
ham and Leicester. The gathering
ground of the water lies from S00 to
2.070 feet nbove sea level, and covers
fifty square miles. Virtually, the en
tire sources of tbe river Derwent will
be collected, but one-third of the water
must be restored to the river to pro
tect vested Interests along Its course.
The cost is estimated ar $50,000,000.
A temporary town, with houses of gal
vanized iron lined with match-board,
and with a school, a church, a hospital
and a concert hall, has been construct
ed for the army of laborers, who will
be employed for a dozen years. There
are to be Dve reervoirs with an aggre
gate capacity of 10,508,000,000 gallons.
The project of climbing the loftiest
mountain on the earth. Mount Ever
est, In the Himalayas, whose tremen
dous head rises, according to trigo
nometrical measurements. 2A.0O2 feet
above sea level, has now reached a
stage Immediately antecedent to the
actual attempt A party, led by Mr.
Eckeustein, an experienced climber,
has set out for the foot of tbe great
peak. Several celebrated mountain
climbers have expressed the opinion
that the feat is feasible, but only by
the method of gradual ascent, whereby
the adventurers may become Inured to
the effects of a rare atmosphere.
Months and even years may be spent
in ascending to higher and higher lev
els, a long pause being made after ev
ery considerable advance. The highest
ascent now on record Is that of Acon
cagua, In the Andes, the elevation of
which Is 23,080 feet, 5,092 feet, or more
than a mile, less than the height of
Everest
NO STYLE ABOUT JACKSON.
B la Cook Was Called Interpreter to
the 1-rencb Diplomatlat,
"Although 'Old Hickory' was a bluut
man In all matters of business and
reached hi purposes by tbe straight
est road," said au old newspaper man,
"still he was courteous lu au eminent
degree and had a high respect for the
forms of social Intercourse. While
president of the United States bis re
ception of foreign ministers and emi
nent citizens was distinguished by
courtly etiquette and noble bearing. It
la related that on one occasion a for
eign minister Just arrived bad a day
and an hour appointed by Mr. McLaue,
then Secretary of State, to be present
ed to tbe President, and, misunder
standing tbe premier's French and
perfectly at fault by the apparent sim
plicity of republican manners, tbe min
ister st tbe appointed time proceeded
to the Vh!te House slone snd rang tbe
bell.
"Je sals venu voir Monsieur le
President," said tbe plenipotentiary to
the Irish servant.
"An' what the dlvll does that meant'
muttered Pat, and conttaaed. "lie
says President though, an' I s'pose
ha wishes to see tbe general."
"Oat. sal," said tbe minister, bow-tag-
:
Wlthoot farther ceremony tbe gen
tlsman waa nahecad Into the green
rooat, whera tna General sat compla
cently aansrlag kla corn-cob pips, and
a tna lasts at k aaasmancad a asra
Mataaa mtmmg la Vtsacn, of which
rOM EkfcffT did aat anderstaad ana
itte
want. Patrick r
moaallag
at what
ha wii
"It's French that he's spskln In,
an" with your lave I'll sind for the
cook to find out what tbe glntleman
wants."
In due time the presiding officer of
the kitchen arrived; tbe mystery was
explained, and to the astonishment of
the cook, tbe servant aod the old Gen
eral an accredited minister from a
foreign government was developed.
Fortunately at the Instant the Secre
tary came In, a ceremonious Introduc
tion took place and all parties were
soon at ease. Washington Star.
SAVE THE LAMP CHIMNEYS.
Care Will Prevent Much Ilreakage and
Conaequent Kxpenaa.
We are assured by a contemporary
that the breaking of lamp chimneys
Is mainly due to unequal expansion
and that this can be remedied by mak
ing perpendicular cuts all around tbi
"bulging purt" of the chimney with
a diamond ring.
Well, really! Why did no one think
of this simple remedy until now, when
lumps burn blue, and. Indeed are In
lunger of going out forever before the
radiance of the garish electric light?
The beauty of the suggestion lies
in Its extreme practicability and its
ready utiizatlon of the means at hand.
It is so simple, so convenient Ev
erybody owns diamonds and every
Ixxly wants to save dimes. Koine peo
ple will urge that they have to work
so hard directing trust companies and
checking off the social calendar that
they do not have time to sit down
once a week or so and scratch lamp
chimneys. Their course, however, is
perfectly clear. They must provide
the butler with a set of diamonds and
let him attend to this economy.
What a burden Is removed from tbe
shoulders of the ordinary housekeeper.
No more worry over breaking lamp
chimneys. A few flourishes with her
diamond and she has Insured herself
against every chance except the light
headedness of the hired girl
There are people, of course, who will
carry this thing to excess. They will
not be satisfied with perpendicular
cuts. Oh, no! They will begin to Itch
for triangles and asterisks and chrys
anthemum patterns. The daughter of
the house will quit pyrography to ex
pend her artistic yearnings on the dec
oration of the lamp chimneys, and as,
of course, fancy cuts cannot be achiev
ed with any old kind of a diamond it
will be necessary to have certain
styles for certain cuts, so that a reg
ular outfit for a lamp chimney dec
orator will probably cost several thou
sand dollars. .Shades will go out of
fashion In order to show off ornate
lamp chimneys. Fierce rivalry will
develop In the fashionable set and
common people will go mad on the sub
ject and the manufacturers will take
the matter up and the first tiling we
know we shall see cut glass chimneys
on the, market. The question then will
be, considering the extreme fragility
of cut glass. Is not the last state of
the housekeeper worse than the first?
But It Is folly to look far ahead.
Save your dimes now and you may be
able to afford cut glass chimneys when
they come In fashion. Philadelphia
Ledger.
FEARS CONDUCTOR'S PUNCH
Meaecnger Box Who "Fit pa'
Street
Cara la Getting Wary.
The street-car conductor's punch Is
becoming the nemesis of the messen
ger boys who "flip" the cars. The
conductor snatches a cap from a mes
sage carrier's head, puncnes a hole
In the visor, and the work is done,
That little hole In tbe bill of the cap
Is a tell-tale mark, and when the em
ployers see It they know tbe boy bas
been hitching on to the street cars.
The use of the punch for tagging
the "flippers" has made the young
stcrs dead!? enemies of the street-
railway men, and has Incidentally en
rlched the curbstone vernacular by two
picturesque names. One fs "nickel
snatcher," a name given to the con
ductor, and the other la "wire biter,
as the messengers have dubbed the
grlpiuan.
The other night three "flippers'
were "hitching on" to a North Clark
street cable car. While one of the
boys was watching the conductor the
grlpman reached out bis long arm
and lifted tbe boy's cap from his head
He banded the cap to. the conductor,
saying: "Put your mark on It."
"Naw, gimme It," yelled tbe boy.
"Doncher punch It. You want to get
me fired? I ain't done nuthln'."
The conductor set the jaws of tbe
punch over the visor, and the mes
senger set up a wall. He knuckled his
eyes and cried like a baby.
The conductor placed the boy's cap
back on bis head, took blm by the
coat collar, and set him down In the
street When he was safely out of the,
clutches of the "nickel snstcher," as
he called tbe conductor, be lifted his
cap off bis bead snd carefully exam
lug It to see If tbe punch bad taken
out s bite. When he saw It was all
right be clapped It back on bis bend
and "bitched on" to tbe rear end of tbe
last car, yelling "wire biter" and
"nickel snatcher" at tbe grlpman sod
conductor. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Oowt Wars Than Woods La cm.
'There's a poor man at tbe doer,
air, 'as two wooden legs, sir, and 'a
says, sir, would ysu be good enough,
sir, to
"YoQ go back and tell the poor man
with the two wooden legs that ha't
blamed lucky. Tall him I'rs got th
gout In both feet" Boston Olobe.
Alnasta
Alnmlnam la aapartor to any atoas
tor sharpening
i't task fa
flu
Us
pralan jm fat,
Us CI h
EFFECT OF ANESTHETICS,
i'atiaate in Deatlet'a Chair Often Aat
Qneerljr Under It.
"As I entered the dentist's oHlce,"
laid a woman the other day. ' I saw
a man sitting In a chair rocking vio
lently and with a wild look of misery
written on every feature. Next him
sat a demure looking trained nurse.
After a few minutes, during which wi
ull throe sat and pitied each other,
the dentist entered, dressed for out
doors, and he beckoned the man. The
unfortunate wretch responded and
then we knew. The doctor never
draws teeth himself, but takes such
patients as have need of that gentle
art to a brother dentist, who in his
turn makes a specialty of drawing,
always administering gas for it
'The nurse turned to me with a
smile. "I wonder what he will d
when he comes out of It?" she said,
meaning the anaesthetic.
" 'Why. what do you mean?' I asked.
"Don't vou know?' she answered.
My patients always say or do some
thing silly either when they take It or
when they come out of It'
"I was Interested at once and begged
her to tell me some Instances.
"Whv. let me see,' said she. 'To
begin with, women always yield to
the influence of au anaesthetic mors
easily than men do, possibly becau
they ate not so strong-willed. Any
way, women mnke better patients.
They are less trouble and so afraid
of pain or even of death.
'In almost every case 1 nave una
the woinen'nithcr welcome chloroform,
although almost ull of them light etner,
nnd 1 don't blame them. After Ui
first whiff a woman will almost luvorl-
nblv make love to the doctor, calling
him all the sweet tilings she ever knew
and demanding his affection in re
turn. Then she (inlets down and tlm
operation begins. When coming out oi
it If she Is a particularly sweet and re-nrn-d
woman she will use the most
villainous language and carry on gen
erally in a manner calculated to shoes
a new nurse almost out of her senses,
"'Now, on the other hand.' she con.
tinned, 'the, woman who ordinarllj
Hises Billingsgate (and there are quit
h few) will bubble of childhood s days,
hngels' faces and peaceful green neiu.
ii'i.i ..,.,a mi-oni-e I it it Is never-
tbeless trup. Of course, we seldom
tell them what they have been saying
or doing. It wouldn t do sin
broke off. 'Ah. here comes the dentist,
hud bis patient. See bow wild be looks.
You Just ask the doctor what ne um.
See if It wasn't funny.'
"The doctor came In, ushered nu
patient Into the operating room, spok
a few words to the nurse and followed
his patient
" '1 came for something to rellev
my patient," she said to me In explana
tion. 'She had a violent toothache.
"The doctor returned with a smal'
package, which he handed to tbe nursa
He then spoke to me, saying that h
would be ready In a few minutes,
When I turned 1 found the nurse had
gone.
"Usually I am cot !n a hurry to ge
Into a dentist's flbalr. but, being
woman nnd a curious one at that,' wai
anxious to bear what that man had
i-aid or done when under the lnfluetict
of the anaesthetic.
" 'Did you notice that man?" aske
the dentist as he carefully filled, mj
mouth with cotton. I tried to look ui
Intelligent as my gaping mouth wouM
let me. 'He has lust taken gas to havi
a nerve killed and taken out," continues
the doctor. 'When he was returning t
consciousness be pulled a great roll ot
bills out of his pocket and Insisted
upon throwing them all over the pluee,
giving them to everylody he met In th
halls and acting generally as a mil
llonaire philanthropist gone mad. Aftd
he had quieted down a little he told
me confidentially that he experienced
the finest Jag he had ever had In hli
life. And the funny part of that re
mark Is that neither I nor anybodj
else that knows the man has eve
known or heard of tils taking a drot
of liquor. In fact, he has always as
serted that ft was strictly against hll
principles to touch liquor In any form
This Is surely a funuy business.'
"And shaking his bead mournfully,
continued the woman, oecordlng to thi
New York Times, "the doctor proceeds
d to make things lively for me."
M launder tood.
McQueery "You're not so attentlvi
to Miss Hoi ley as I thought you would
be."
Hunter "N'o. You see er she told
me she dldu't go In for social pleas
ures since ber father bad failed."
McQueery "Poor old man! He k
falling dreadfully. Quite a physical
wreck."
Hunter "Gee whiz! I that what
he nuantr Philadelphia Ledger.
Cannot Escape.
"Do you think the person who com
milted the crime will be punished?"
"Empathlcally, yes,'' said the polio
sfflclal.
"But you haven't discovered birr
Ft"
"No. But we'll keep saying we sns
ect somebody snd thereby keep bin
lufferlng tbe terrors of a guilty cos
clence." Washington 8tar.
Appropriately Named.
, Kilmer "Gee whit! What sort of I
ngar Is this 7"
Glvver "Oh! I bought It for a nick
11. I don't Just recall the brand, bof
I think It waa named after soma boa
.ctor."
Pumer "Ah I No wonder It wosl
Iraw." Philadelphia Press.
Why lnqlolre of a
Mat hlaa, "How are
How ars yawr Ha vjajsl
Nil fan. If thara la anything
A fnatl assay af Ota asaa klra. to
m art shwpty to tna wax