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About Harrison press-journal. (Harrison, Nebraska) 1899-1905 | View Entire Issue (April 23, 1903)
The liarri: oa Pies-Jjiinial & O. BCRKB, PKt)lKlJtTO IA&R1SON, NEBRASKA Almost anybody would agree to take J. Pierpont Morgan's assets and pay bis debts. Now, if Miss Van Vorst bad been a dinosaur one set of brains might have beaded off the other. Why should John ..Mitchell want money or additional lory? A 5-cent cigar has been named after him. It appears that Mrs. Patrick Camp bell was born in America. She needn't expect mufh when she comes here af ter this. As to Mrs. Russell Sage's remarks on eschewing social life, Tncle Kus" Bed may be depended upon for a re sounding amen. A New York man made H.oOOkiO in six weeks speculating iu cotton. No mention is made of the large number of men who didn't King Edward probably honestly won ders how in the world Parliament could ever be opened if he were not on band In his fur-trimmed blanket. A poet named Yrhlichy has been ilected a member of the Austrian House of Peers. If his poetry is any thing like his name be must belong to the Browning school. The ease of the New York man who was killed by his wife and his bones fed to the hens is rather extraordi nary. It is not often that a husband Is henpecked alter death. "Now that Dr. Loeb of Chicago has discovered a cure for St. Vitus' dance," suggests the Kansas City Star, "let him cast about for some remedy for the cake walk." This might necessi tate an entire change of the pigments In the blood. The exposure of the turf investment frauds came before the American newspapers have finished expressing their amazement at the gullibility of the French as revealed by the Hum bert swindle. No nation has a mo nopoly of the "easy mark." There is no loyal road to wealth, ny more than to learning. However, '.he desire which lurks in the average human breast to make a fortune will continue to induce foolish people to visk their money on schemes that promise to save them from the neces sity of earning their daily bread, and such lessons as that of the St. Louis failure will only serve to act as a temporary brake on the train load of gamblers running down grade on the road to ruin. Fifty thousand reformed drunkards, according to (ien. Booth, are march ing in the ranks of the Salvation Ar my. Forty-five thousand young wom en through its influence have been re claimed to lives of rectitude and hap piness. The work has been done eco nomically, and many who have been helped have subsequently paid into the treasury more than was spent upon their reclamation. Human waste, as well as that of the industrial world, can be utilized, and the wisest phil inthropy works toward that end. Religious services held in absolute darkness are an experiment begun a few weeks ago in London. The purpose was not novelty or notoriety, but a de lire to answer the objection raised by poorly dressed people against going to ny place where their shabby clothes made them feel uncomfortable. The experiment was made at St. James', in Clerkenwell. A large sheet was hung across the eastern end of the church, nd upon this the words and music of the hymns, the prayers and responses were thrown by a lime-light lantern. If the attention of the congregation was not concentrated on the service the fault could not be attributed to any de sire to study the fashions. While Miss Marie Van Vorst is to be rommended for her noble stand In fa vor of matrimony and we hope Miss Marie will soon exhibit the courage of her convictions she is a little "too se vere on the maidens of various ages who have not yielded to the scriptural Injunction. Nor can we accept ber statement that "the fact remains (hat the world's celebrated women hare all married," If by that she would argue that marriage was the promotion of their Influence and accomplishment It Is a fact that It 1 rather natural for women to marry Elizabeth proving a notafile exception but It Is far from a fact that great women bare been made great merely by the marriage connection. Indeed, the reverse Is more likely to be true, and woman wbo has accomplished, or la likely to accomplish, much la very often stunt ed bjr the marrtaf tie. Let us marry by all means, the more tbe merrier tod tbe often sr the better, but don't lake np tbe absurd notion tbat mar riage la tbe likeliest patb to greatness. I-rt us be fair to the old maids. A writer la London Health has ob served that there la nothing dtetiat tire about the American faoa, aa there U abort all tbe rest of the gnapa of Onncnalna faces. It has no kadlvldaallty. The English face, the Jew face, the German face, the French face, the Italian face, the Irian face, ate all dletiaeUre types that may be Cattttei at a gUace. Cach of these bris something about It that calis up a dcliuite picture iu tbe in 1. But the American face has no strong characteristic to differentiate it from other faces of superior races, though it is peculiar iu some ways. It is i culiar in Its cosmopolitanism. It Is pa in one sense a composite face. It is international., for here and there one may find the traces which suggest a relation to this, that or the other face. It may be a line or a ligament be queathed by an early English an cestry or something suggestive of Teutonic origin or a sharp sugges tion of the Frenchman's face or the .Irishman's face or the Italian's or the Scotchman's. But when one" must deal with the American abstractly, one can scarcely call up the American face. I'ncle Sam, with his strijted trousers, his sharply cut coat, his plug hat, his whiskers, and his bland, good natured countenance. Is a happy conception, yet he may never hope to portray the matchless and Unlescrlb able cosmopolitanism of the American fate. But if the American face has no distinctive features, it has distinc tive struigth. It is a composite of the liest in all peoples. It is a blend ing of the lights .md sh idow in thu faces of men wbo have come from ail parts of the world to conquer .ml who have conquered. Intolerance of oppression, longing for liberty politi cal and industrial resolve, effort, en ergy. siKi-ess all these are written and rewritten upon the American face, by the best nnd bravest children of every land under the sun. From tin Amerb-an face are obliterated all the provincial narrowness ami weakmsses that make the .other faces distinctive. In it is combined the strength of them all. The criminal statistics for the yeat r.HC are not encouraging. They show that all forms of human abnormality are decidedly on the increase in this country relative to the increase of pop ulation. The most remarkable fact connected with the year's record is the sudden and pronounced change of the proportion between men and women suicides. For a long time the pro portion was about five males to one female, but last year's record sent the old rule sky high, the figures being, male suicides, 5,08:; ; females, 3,14!. It also appears, says the Chicago Exam iner, that there is a large increase in juvenile crimes. As compared with the records of former years, the story of 1902 is alarmingly full of the crime of boys and girls between the ages of 12 and 17. A something which the statisticians are pleased to call "dis eased preeociousness" is making crim inals among the young people at a rate that is appalling, with the further result that they are killing themselves, adult fashion. In quite unprecedented numbers. The old question of the city versus the country and the influence of city life upon morals Is mightily In tensified by last year's statistics. Dr. Arthur MacDonald of the Bureau of Education in his recent report to Con gress shows that the victims of alco hol and suicide are more than twice as numerous in the cities as they are in the rural regions. For New York the figures are for deaths per l.OOO.Ono by alcoholism. State St), New York City 210; Illinois 48, Chicago ST; Penn sylvania 28, Philadelphia 02; Massa chusetts 72, Boston IS). The figures for these four States and cities as re gards suicide show about the same re sult. It appears that the percentage of suicides in the cities, as compared with the country, is abnormally large, showing that in the great centers of human congestion the forces that de moralize are much more active than they are away from those points. The causes of this unenviable condition of things are not far to seek. The haste, of civilization Is, perhaps, the mairi cause. There is an abnormal strain on the nervous system which deranges it and so throws the whole human ma chinery out of gear. We are obliged to think and act so quickly and to keep up the thinking and acting so persistently, that the phosphorus of the brain is prematurely used up and the result Is nervous prostration, fail ure, suicide. Again, the emphasized gregarlousness of modern civilization, bringing people close together in great numbers, excites the passions, en hances selfishness, sharpens the spirit of competition, and to the same extent" i 3 deadens the sympathies, and In thi way cheapens human life and leads t crime. But after all the picture, dark as it Is, is not without its streaks oi light. Crime may be on the Increase! but It Is a matter of genuine congraf ulatlon that the people In this country! and in all countries are morally soundi in love with life, and doing all thai they can to make It beautiful for every son and daughter of Adam. A Notoriety Krcker. Reuben Jason's furever plottln' tew git his name In the country paper. Silas So? Reuben Yaas, between times whefl tbar baln't a new baby up f bis hous be paints bis barn or su'tbin'. Phila delphia Press. Abe Lincoln used to tell a story of a steamboat tbat had such a big whurtJ tbat, after whistling for a landing, II bad to tie up for an hour, In order te get op enough steam to run Its englnesj better story was told a few years agl by an Atchison brakeman. The Ml sourl Pacific bad a dinkey switch en gine In tbe Atchison yards tbat shoota the earth with Ita whistle. "If tbaj whistle could be Jacked up," a brike man said, "and a locomotive built un dor It what a great switch engine If would maker la Tialtfng places of Interest la large city don't overlook the yaw shops. LET US ALL LAUGH. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA RIOUS HUMORISTS. I'ltaoant Itu-UIt-nt Occurring the World Over Say int-a that Are Cheer ful to Old or Vounji Kuua j Selec tion that You Will Enjoy. S,n-n Ucc.deil. ' "Wh.it a ni.inilici-iit specNiieu that tall Sued.- is"' s.iid Rivers, looking at the stalwart p.iiiet man that Kan guard-iiig-the eroding,- "He isn't a Swede," said Brooks, "lie s Irish." "Bet you a dollar." "It's a go." v They approached the policeman. "UHicer," asked Brooks, "where Is the Masonic Temple?" "Be .Jure,:" he replied, "yez'll hev " "Here's your dollar. Brooks," said Rivers, handing it over. Too Kxponive. "Five do'.ia.-s a minute';" said the youth who had asked t lie long distance tee phone rate be! ween him md the town where resided the lady fair. "Yes. sir," asserted the telephone chr!;. "I guess I am not on speaking terms with her." sighed the youth, sadly counting the $1.."h) which was ill his purse. BeMic' I mprcftftlon. "I Md the baby just come from heav en';"' a-ked Utile Bessie. "Yes. dear." replied the nurse. "ltachms: I guess he came so soon he forgot to bring bis teeth." II in Little Joke. 1.41 Montt Iid you ever hear the s:-ry of the oyster soup we have ut our boarding house? La Moyne Think not. Is it a good story? U Montt No, there Is nothing In it. A Plijjht M iaunderatandinu:. , Bell Iion't you think Sotisa Is a great conductor? Nell I don't ever remember riding on his car. Defined. Teacher What is a cannibal? Bobble-Please, sir, a cannibal Is one who eats each other. VShr It Kniled to Appear, "You didn't publish that communica tion I sent you the other day about the money problem." "No, the fact is " "Iion't you believe in giving both sides in your paper?" "Yes. but jou wrote on both sides if yours." Hint on Ktiqnette. "Say," whispers the parvenu at the banquet given to commemorate the re conciliation of the society couple, "my bread is wrapped in a napkin. I'm not up on all these things, you know. Do I eat the napkin?" "Oh, no." says his mentor. "Not here. This feast is to celebrate the cessation of chewing the rag." The Main Fact. Angry Father Clvlng money to you is like pouring water Into a sieve. Spendthrift Son Well, there's plen ty of water, Isn't there? Happj Medium. Ernie-How funny! Mabel married the son of a minister and Gertrude, married a gambler. May Who did Sally marry? Ernie- Oh, I believe she wedded a sp'i it millet. May-H'm! Suppose she wanted a medium. The New Arrival. "Coo, that was a careless stork," re marked little Ben as he got a glimpse of the baby for the first time. "How so?" queried the nurse. "Why, he forgot and left the baby's teeth and hair behind. An Independent Thinker. Flossie Mamma, didn't tbe preach er say something last Sunday about not caring what we eat or drink or what kind of clothes we wear? Mamma Iid be? Perhaps I wasn't paying attention to him. Flossie Well, I don't suppose nny l.ody'd pay much attention to bttn when he sm.vh things like thatl Puck. Choice of KvlL. Wife-It's nearly time to clean bouse owe more. Husband -Can't you let It go this lime? Wife -I don't see how I can. Husband-Well, let me suggest a ;i'an. Instead of cleaning bouse we'll note, A atrala-M Tl. "l ve got a soft thing," remarked the !!g :nnn who bad Just been appoint . in n government position, "bat I 'ti t know how long I'll be able to .eec ::" "Oft, you'll probably keen It till en rr iw 1- r ad," replied the sg Cupid's ictory. -So the elopement was a Ernie fail- ure? Eva -Oh, no! Ernie lint I beard the automobile broke down. Eva Yes, but It broke down right In front of a minister's. At t be M inatrri. Bones Yeas, Ah found de Filipinos very refined. Would yo' believe dal dey wouldn't sit In der shirt sh-eves? Tiit.V .h I n.wt lil,llr t.o. .. ,. .... , , .. . , . . lieve it. V by wouldn t dey sit In del , , . . enlrt sleeves 'r . Bones-Because dey don't wear eny shirts. Ha" Ha! Take No Chances, He would you fancy a trip on the sea of matrimony? She Yes, If I had a return ticket. Human Nature. Hix-Say, I want to buy a good dog I lx Now, that's a sensible thing t do. Every man should own a goo dog. Hix-Iio you know where I can gef one? Ilt Sure. I'll sell you mine. Aake and Answered. "Are you working for the contraclot of the road?" asked the Inquisitive par ty of the laborer who was driving rail way spikes. "Faith, an' Ol'm not," was the reply. "Ol'm workin' for th' ixtender av it." An Kiperiment. Judge Why did you bit your wife in the face with a rotten apple when she asked you where you had been till 2 a. m.? j Prisoner I wanted to see If a soft) answer would actually turn awayj wrath. An Eye to l!uinr. Physician The walking Is just splen did this morning. His Wife Why, I thought the streets were covered with sleet Physician So they are, my dear. Inexperienced. "That Is a new girl." whispered the old telephone operator. "How do you know?" queried the friend. "Why, don't you see she blushes every time anyone kisses over the tele phone?" Too Much for Them. City Man Why did the neighbors) vacate so swiftly? Silas Too much cultivating, stran ger. ,City Man Cultivating the fields? Silas No; Hiram's daughter was cultivating her voice. Cause for Jealouar, "Here may lm girls In school iu have a better edlcatlon dan me, but dey can't touch me on style, and dat'd wot catches the fellers." Why He Warn Popular. Ernie Why Is Jack so popular with the girls? Edith He is a planter. Ernie Planter? What In Hie world does he plant? Edith Kisses. J'roofa. "My dear, why don't you hit the naib on me ueau sometimes," "I do. Book at my thumb." Chi cago Times-Herald. Floor of tbe Paciflo Ocean. If the waters of the Pacific could be drained, there would lie revealed a vast stretch of territory comprising enormous plateaus, great valleys for which no parallels exist on tbe land surface lofty mountains, beside which the Himalaya and the Andes would look like hillocks, and tremendous hol lows or basins, only to be compared with those on the face of the moon. While there are great mountains, anil huge basins or "deeps," tbo plateau areas are by far the most extensive Helatlvely speaking, the floor of tho Pacific as now at Inst revealed on tho plateau areas, Is level. There are un dulations and depressions, but the gen eral area Is about the same depth lie low the surface. Soundings develop a mean depth oi from 2.600 to 2.700 fathoms. In shoal j er spots there Is a mean depth of from 2,300 to 2,400 fatboms. Deeper apoti how from 2,800 to 2,000 fathoms. Leelles Monthly. Iiim your h cynic. Q 1 APRIL S A LUCKY r.'ONTM, t in iHirtH ii 1 1 - vr it in American H intnry Occurred Durum It Thirty Pays. "I fid juii liiinw that the month of April has plajitl a more -oupicuou pa rt in American history than any tit her mouth of the year';" asked a man who is fond of things histcr; -al. Fnmi the way I look at the eveiiis involved April Is the most Important lit all the months and 1 have of tin wondered why the American peopls Ihow so much indifference to the fact. , Why. when you come to thin of It, !(he Fourth of July, while, of course, Important enough, is yet not quite s-i 1 ,7 , , i . I momentous In the annals of American I , History as some oiuer (lays imp iingni mention. April has been the out month of the year which has really settled the great problems with which the American people have had to deal. Supiose we glance at the record for a ! moment. The war of the revolution Ugan April 1!, 1775. and ended April II. 17N.'!. Coming on down we find th' Sabine dlsi urbance, involving tin i-outhwesiei n frontier, Louisiana. Ar kansiis. and Texas, and which began in April. lv."!l, running through t June ot tin- in'M oar. 1 he Mexican war be.-an April 21. lMtl. The Yuma fxpediiion int i California ended I: April. I"2. h.n iiiir hoviuii in I .- in be,- lie- year prcvl ,:. The (Jiia e pedition into New M'-xieo was launch ed April 1'!. IV.7. The t'olorad-i )iic, exiied'iioii ill California ended April "S. IS. "ill. The Feces i-Apedilion iul. Texas uas launched April US, 1K1H. There ua-i the War of tie- Itebellimi. which stalled April I'.i. IVil. Hostili ties actually began when Fort Sump lor uas lired upon April 12, ISll. The Fte expedition in Colorado be gan April .'!. 1S7S. It is a rather curi ous coincidence that the late war with Spain began April 21. in the saior mouth and but two d:i later, with resiMt-t to the day of the month, than the War of the Kebellioii. which Ik gan April 1!. The Spanish-American war began April 21. ivis. and emlol April 11, 1MHI. These arc some of tie more Important things which luivi taken place In the mouth of April, and ulany of the events have lieen of deep Import from the viewpoint of Americans. What reason can you us sign for the consiileuous j,ai-t April has played in the history of America Do men feci more like lighting In April than In the other months of the year' Is the spirit of war and revolution In fiiioueed by the rising of the sap? 1 do not know, but there must be somi good reason for the happening of thesi great things, wars, explorations, ad ventures and events of this s irt In tin month of April. At any rate they have happened In April, and it would be unreasonable- and nliogeihcr absnn: to assume that these things are due t. haphazard, that they are mere coinci dences, Apr!! cannot be explained out of its rightful Inheritance among th more important months in Auiericai" historv. AGED A HE NOT DOOMED. Iiieaca Mar He lurc.l hj C'o;iiij, itntl Centlc Core. Ill the past, a nd even yet nil too fie. pieiiily, the old man or the old womai; who had the misfortune to fall serious, ly 111 was believed to be doomed. Tin disease was allowed to run its coins with little or no opposition from tht doctor, for so little hope was there that It was commonly regarded as a u.-eh-st cruelty to annoy the dying suffeiet by pressing him to take the Uecessaij medicine and food. Now we know that this Is wrong. Old persons, very old ones, can and dc recover from the gravest diseases, ami they have as much right to claim the (thoughtful care and intelligent treat j incut of the doctor and the nurse ii(i ! have their children and grandchildren, j But, of course, their treatment must j be of a different kind, both because the frail system will not endure lh sometime seviii- measures that an life saving for the more robust, and because disease In the o!d assumes a different character from that which It assumes In the young. The arteries Iu the aged me les( elastic, all the tissues are sliffer ami less plastic, and the reaction of the sy tem is slower find lest pronounced Fever, which accompanies every litilr indisposition In the child, is Incon spicuous iu the maladies of old age and a disease like pneumonia may ruu Its course, even to a fatal termination, without any appreciable elevation of the Itody temperature, mid, Indeed, without any sign of Its presence be yond more rapid breathing and pro gressive weakness. Excretion Is less free In the old, and the depressing signs of systematic poi soning by waste products are much more evident. This poisoning Is mani fested, not In the wild delirium and high fever of the young, but In stu por, low-muttering delirium and vital depression. The aim, therefore, musl be to rouse the Magging heart, and to assist elimination of the toxic niuttert from the system, at the same time us ing only the gentlest niensures. The brittle organs of the aged will not stand blows that are often needed to get nuy response at all from tbos of the young. They would break un der such rough usage. They must U coaxpd and gently pushed, but neret driven. And herein lies the dllllcull task of the physician. He must keep a steady hand on the helm and a watchful eye on the breakers, and must know well just how much strain the weakened timber of the bark will stand If l.e would guide It between th Kcylla of Inaction Hnd the Charybdli of excessive ceal. Youth's Compan ion. Nothing tires a man like being work- ed by others. Nearly all Ibe sand paper in "se 18 ua !e with powden d glass. Iu France there are 4,000,000 acres icvolcd IjHjm nilmrc oi the grape. Pupils in the public schools of Aus ;ria are compelled to learn English. A single grain of gold after having lecn converted Into gold leaf, will :over forty-eight square lncbes. fiifty German warships and one tor ?cdo boat liave already been fitte.l ilh the apparatus of wireless tel- lllrj nilicn- inu o . Warren's Comers, N. Y., April 20. "Wait and see you're better now, of rourse, but the cure won't lust." This was what tbe doctors said to Mr. A. B. Smith of this place. These Juctors had been treating him for year nnd he got no better. They thought (hat nothing could permanently cure him. He says; "My kidneys seemed to be so large that there wasn't room for them, and Jt times It seemed as if ten thousand jecdles wile running through them. I ?otlhl not sleep on my left side lor years, the pain vtas so great in lh.it ;oitioii. 1 bad to get up many times id urinate and my urine was soiiieiiuos ilear and while as spring water, and igaiu it would be highly odoiy-d and would slain my linen. The pain across i ay back was awful. I was ni veooiisiy Ir.iiiL'ry all the tiiic-. "Afier I had taken Hodd's Kidney i'iiis fc- four days my kiduey-i oainod me so had i cou'd hardly it dmvn. l)ii the morning of th fifih day I felt i nine lienor, and the improv eiiH-nt,con-liliUed til! 1 WIS completely cured." "As tli!s was months up, and I am itill feeling splendid, 1 kilc.' 'hat my :ure was permanent and genuine." His Satanic majesty expects to pave several miles of new .stieets this year. A ton of cork occupies a space of one hundred and fifty cubic feet ; a ton of gold iseoiiHUcsied In the space Df two cubic feel. Some men know just enough to make fools of themselves. No Maud, dear; a person who has 'jeeti stung by a bee doesn't necessar ily have to suffer from hives. The sandblast has been successfully applied to the cleansing of chips' bottoms. An ironclad was recently dry docked in an English seaiKiit, and, by means of compressed uir. sand was forced against the sides ofjthc vessel, clcasing and polishing the iron and fctcel until they became almost, as aright as silver. CASTOR I A For Infants and Children, Hie Kind You Have Always Bought Bears the EigUiittLT I ' i m in- r i; i trt 'Mi M. tr 'J tr ie( . (V jj ks Ml "W y v r'wM Kmai fc t At, ' U n w.- M. , J ALESMEN WANTED I ure to Mako S20 Por Woek cason Now at Its BEST , end for Terms. THE.HAWKS NURSERY CO, Wauitaioia, Wis. - . .. -- r, nr. m rap Insomnia, with lmh 1 bave t-n ffilclv! u,r pvi-r twpnty jearn. and 1 run nay that Cawarnu ,",rn "ie m"r" rrn-f than any other nmi-rtr 1 ham rift irl.l I ihau orwlinr re commend thrm to iror frlrn!a bln all thrv re reiwsrniMl." 'Iiion. ijiaitu, twin. m. BEST FOR THE BOWEL ;n, Palalahln, l -t.nl. Ttt linn T Oood, K.r.r fcitk.n. w'.ak.o .0np, "feS , OURE CONSTIPATION larlla, hul, l..wr. Caicw, l..l.l, , t. M'TQRAC n'1 r",rnt"t 1 all nm. I 'MK ,! lot I UK lofcacw Matll? fr5 E Win YOW TRADE IgJ Youcan buy oluiat whole ale prirei and tare money. Vur I,uug-page catalogue trill the itorjr. Wt will tend it upon receipt ol 15 cent. Your neighbor! trade witn at why not you ? CHICAGO The henm that tnlla the truth. UVVIIIIUIfl I m 1 - JV. V a L M. U. 78.' 7 mi iff up