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About Harrison press-journal. (Harrison, Nebraska) 1899-1905 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 2, 1902)
Ttt Harrises Press-Jwul o. o. bcux, raoraOTom LLK&IS05, - - . VXBRASEA la Important criminal trials, it seems Mat difficult to prove the best-knSwn tact. Anybody can write a book and every body appears to be doing that very thing. The man arho Invented postal card Is dead. Tbe postmistresses ought to give him a monument We infer trvm his prospectus that Rantoa-Dumont has adopted a "No money, no fly" motto. Perhaps a woman can't lead a band, but it to highly probable that a band would follow a woman. Instead of being invented by Mar xnl it la now claimed that wireless telegraphy Is of macaroni origin. Japan seems to have come to the con clusion that women have rights, which considered a great discovery In the lowery kingdom. , The water in Great Salt Lake has fallen alx feet during the past eight rears. There must be a hole In the bottom of the old thing. Now that a train robber has been tilled and Tracy is no more, perhaps sir. Pat Crowe will have the kindness feel a trifle worried. TJncle Sam may have to become step iather to Haiti. The time for him to Jtep in, armed with a good birchen rod, perhaps not very far distant A Chicago barber says his wife and mother lady talked him out of his nra house. They might do well now Jo exhibit themselves or lecture. : A New York woman was found to Vre hatpin through her heart Wo oes should be careful how they set their hearts on other women's hats. The historical novel is to be tbe llt frary topllner for another season. As there Is no law against this particular Time, the public will have to stand for It we suppose. This new explosive tbe war depart Bemt la talking about that will pene trate fourteen inches of steel armor. Might to be able to complete tbe exca rstion of tbe Panama canal in two or three well directed shots. The Treasury Department has Just thKorered that tbe typewriter Is su perior to longhand writing in the mak ing of records. If this thing continues the government will soon be within a sentury of catching up with the ordi nary business world. In Its determination to support any legislation having for its purpose the boHshmg of child labor In States here such laws do not exist the American Federation of Labor is not nly helping on Its own ends, but is Sghtlng In a good cause for the better ment of all mankind. Patriotic women and all women are patriotic are beginning to ask what they can adopt as a gesture of salu tation and respect to the national air and the flag. A correspondent suggests the placing of the hand over the heart. In want of something better that might do; bnt does not tbe gesture savor too much of sentimentality? "Schools of Expression" and "Colleges of Ora tory" have so long associate! that ges ture with tbe receipt of bad news from borne or a false accusation of crime that little real dignity Is left to it One of tbe most cheering of current statements Is that of a man who leaves Sing Sing prison after eleven years' con Inement to the effect that "a man there lets a good chance to reform if he rants to." The superintendent the warden and tbe principal keeper stand ready to meet him half-way, and the Volunteers' Prisoners' League will take care of him when he comes out, ind stick to blm as long as there Is a possibility of helping blm. Instead of "a yearly output of 200 to 300 rascals ripe for lawlessness and crime," this ex WDTJct thinks that at least half the men ling Blng now sends out are "anxious ind able to be useful In tbe world." rhat is the truly Ideal prison which Mnflnes men in order to free tbem from rone places. Of those who visit California every fear, many are Eastern people suffer kig from nervous prostration and seek ng to regain their heal. it by tbe trip Kress the continent It Is a curious (act that not a few of them owe their Etta to nnsnspected errors of vision, tad that the trip benefits tbem by dls tTating the cans of their trouble. 'A Saltforaia physician, writing In Ameri can MsalcbM, says that the bright light at the "Land of aashlne" so qnlckly facta eyes la which there are errors f refraction that tbe patient la driven . as us alt the local oculist. The doc tor naWfaa tbo yo strain, and la so do fcj faawraa also the headache, lnsom gla, lipraaaliB aal other Ills from gt tho patient has suffered. la Cfctara i'tym the tasting of the eyas ga a tn? art TtZ5 a Cmm- Pleas rrrt tf CrtT Caaty, OMa, as- - -, 7 rtiTTjs far tkt taken respecting tbe naturalisation . alien immigrants. He declares that he will Issue naturalization papers to no .man who falls to answer plain ques tions he may ask with respect to our form of government and the Constitu tion. He says he believes that persons who desire to become citizens should be qualllied to vote intelligently, not only to protect their own Interests, but those of their fellow citizens as well Fur ther dilution of our citizenship Is a dan ger that should be avoided. Let the bal lot go to all who are qualified to handle It but put an end to the naturalization of men who are to be utilized as voting cattle. Some learned clergymen who are not out In the fields and woods gathering inspiration and religion are. rushing in to print with their ideas of marriage on the limited salary of I5 per week. "Go ahead and get spliced if you want to, and think about the bread after wards," the most of them say to young people who are in love and poverty at itie same time. They may be right, but Love is a mighty fine thing, but when it conies to the test It's the most material thing in tho world. You can keep the body without food for a week and not be more than a few pounds the worse for it but did you ever try to keep love on a starvation basis? Next time you see Sue and put your arm around her and tell her you could do it forever, try it for twenty-four hours. See if you don't get mighty tired in the arms and empty in the stomach before the time is up. If you are good for the test and at the end of the twenty-four hours still have no desire to break your affectionate hold, marry the girl, no mat ter what you are making. You'll get along some way. But if you do grow tired and have Just the faintest wish to dodge 8ue for a moment and go to the larder, don't have the knot tied for awhile yet. You'll save yourself lots of trouble and worry. Most of the ro mance of married life on 6 per week disappears the first time you see that fairy creature, your bride, who used to be too delicate to hold her own parasol, leaning over a washtub with her hair flying loose and her dress decollete all the way around, scrubbing, nothing but scrubbing. Walt awhile until the $0 grows to something more substantial It will grow If you keep at It Any man having a large one hundred acre fruit farm with no children on It should get In touch with Mr. and Mrs. John Shandrow, of South Haven, Mlcb., and learn how to make It blos som with juvenile gladness. This worthy couple came to tbe conclusion that a fruit farm of such dimensions should raise something else besides peaches and grapes. Here was a large farm going to waste so far as child cul ture was concerned.. Not an urchin roamed Its broad acres or climbed Its green trees, or thrust his bare toes In its fertile soil. In tbe matter of children tbe fruit farm was barren as Sahara, while city tenements and orphan asylums teemed with youngsters whose natures were being dwarfed and perverted by lack of contact with green fields and country air. Instead of kidnaping the children of neighbor ing farmers Mr. and Mrs. Shandrow bit upon the sensible idea of applying to tbe Smith Foundling Hospital at Minneapolis, asking It to send them several children for a summer's out ing, with tbe privilege of choosing from them a bey for adoption. In re sponse there came a consignment of twenty-two bright, rosy-cheeked youngsters, the entire visible supply of children over 3 years old. Of course this was more than the farmer bar gained for, but the more be saw of tbe children the more undecided he was as to which one to adopt Tbe more he saw of them the better he liked the Idea of children on the farm. He and his good wife finally solved tbe prob lem by adopting tbe entire collection of youngsters, and the Smith Found lings' Home is thus bereft of nearly Its entire Juvenile population. There's plenty of room and plenty to eat for twenty-two children on a hundred-acre fruit farm. Tbey don't bring as much In the market as chickens and calves and peaches, but their value to society and the State after a few years on tbe fruit farm will be hard to measure. We commend tbe example of this thrifty fruit farmer to tbe owners of hundreds of acres that never resound wltb tbe shouts of youngsters. Makina; Burglars' Tools. There Is a rich business man of Pbh adelpbla who got bis start In life through tbe manufacture of burglars' tools. He aald tbe other day, confi dentially: "In my youth I was a machinist but the business didn't pa? at all. A thick set man came to me one morning and showed me a Jimmy. "I'll give you ten dollars for a duplicate of this,' he said, and I took him up Joyfully, for In my Innocence I didn't know what a Jim my was and, besides, I foresaw a 90 per cent profit In tbe Job. So I made tbe burglar's tool, and afterward 1 made tho thick-set man some other Implements, and after that again 1 fixed up an outfit for a friend of his. "Thus, In a year," continued the man, according to tbo Philadelphia Record, 1 had more work than I could do; eight or ten vlllalnoos-looking la dl vidua Is brought mo In big orders ev ery da, and In four years I hare sared 919,000. Then I quit I pulled out and went Into my present line, which pays mo well enough, though Its profits art nothing to those that you wUI find In burglar tool making. I often wonder who Inherited my old time trade." OostorLtTtag lacrosse M Par Coat. la five years tbe cost of foodstuff aacaatary to sustain lift has adaaced i ptr coat la Now Tori ofty, and oa gstSar aeala ttoaaghoat tat eoaatrf. OUR BUDGET OF FUN. HUM0R0U8 SAYINGS AND DO INQ8 HERE AND THERE. Joke aad Jokelete that Arc Supposed to Have Been Recently Bora Hayiaas aad Doings that Are Old, Carioua and Laughable Tbe Week's Unmor. "So yeou be an artist?" Interrogated the old farmer at the station. "Yes," responded the dapper young chap with the? easel, "and I paint still life." "Yeou do? Well, come out an' sketch my farm hands during working hours." Chicago Dally News. TV on Their Hearts. Sandy Pikes So yer got de kids' sympathy an' dey give yer two pies. IMd yer tell dem yer lost yer fingers in de war? Pellucid IVte Naw, I sed I lost dera shootln' off firecrackers. An Admitiitieii. Father Iorothy, has this young man any failings? Iai:shter Well, papa, he p-plays ping-pong. Convnlescinv. Patient Doctor, thanks to you and your medicine, I feel like a new man already. Doctor Never mind, you'll soon be yourself again. ' The Critic Ida Yes, it was a case of love at first sight on his part. May Hm! What a pity he didn't take a second sight. An Innocent Tip. She It's awfully silly in a young man to rock the boat when he takes a girl out for a row. He Yes; but I suppose he likes to hear the girl scream. She But she would scream Just as loud If be attempted to kiss her and it's ever so much safer.' An Unbiased View. Younghub There's nothing like mat rimony for teaching a young man the value of money. Oldwed That's right. A dollar a man gives to his wife looks twice as big as tbe dollar he blew in on her during courtship. Rather Evasive. She (to her fiance) I am sure you think that Smith girl pretty. He Yes, I think she Is pretty er tall. Comparison. The Boarder I don't believe I eat enough to feed a bird. The Landlady What kind of a bird? An owtricb? Her Excuse. Friend But are you going to Jump right Into colors? Why not wear half mourning for awhile? Widow Because you know some great sage advised us never to do things by halves. Quite Suitable. Stone Cutter What Inscription do you wish on the monument? Widow Well, as he was my seventh husband, Just put a band on It pointing like this, and underneath tbe line "Sev en Up." The Limit. Parson So yo consider Bruddnh Smlff to be very skeptical? Deacon Skeptical? Why, pawson, ef be wah allowed to reach de pearly gates he'd cblp off a piece to see If the pearl wab genuine. Delicate Insinuation. Miss New York I thought so much of our old yacht that I had a pair of canvas shoes made out of the sail. Miss Oh lea go Gracious! Was It large enough for that? Is AD, IMS. Mrs. Uptodate (to mald Maria, you need not set outthe capsules for Mr. Uptodato'a dinner. I hare received Marconlgram that bo will not be borne until 10 o'clock, as his lantos-Dvimont blle has had a breakdown. Jadge. Secret Oat. flmltb Brown hi certainly a good man. He always speaks well of bla oeigbbore. Jones That Isn't due to bar goodnesj. Bo Is aaxloas to sou his bouse and lot. -Calcafa Mows. i Bowing Wild Oats. "Sence them city boarders got to comin' here our Johnny has been goln' to the bad," said Mrs. Hayaeede to Mrs. Clovertopp. "You don't say!" "Yes, Indeed! He's got to stayln' out late at night. Why, last Sat'day night he went off down town and never came home until after after 9. I've got a mind to ask the preacher to talk to him on the error of his way." Baltimore American. Needy Indeed. "Can't yer help a poor man dat Is widout money?" whined the nisty In dividual on the sidewalk. "But how dj I know that you are without money?" demanded the pros perous citizen. "How do yer know? Why, can't yet sec I don't wear a Panama hat?" Chicago News. Tbe Wild Chauffeur. "Isn't lie satisfied with an automobile that will smash records?" "No; he wants one that will smash trees und telegraph ikjIcs." II is Opinion. Mrs. De Style How do I look in my new bathing suit, dear? M'. Dc' StyleOh. what little there Is of you In It looks all right. He Was Wise. Tonchley Say, Coiner, I'd like to hijve a short talk with you. Coiner It's no use, Touehley. I haven't got a dollar in my clothes. Wise Precaution. I'.ixby I see young DeColn carries a footman perched on the rear of his automobile. Nixly Huh! That innocent-looking footman Is a coroner In disguise. tost and Wou. Green Jones tells me you lost your job by staying a week longer on your vacation than the firm gave you? Brown Yes, but that one boosted my financial prospects out of sight (Jreeii How's that? Brown I married the only daughter of a man worth $100,000. Pair of Them. Canvasser (entering office) I would like to see the manager. Proprietor Which one the office boy or the typewriter? Only the Truth. Employer So you went to the ball game, eh? Thought you were going to the cemetery? Office Boy (who saw home team lose) Well, I just as well had. I saw no many 'dead ones. " Just Home from School. Mrs. Retired Well, Bridget, now what's the matter? Isn't my daughter Esther In the kitchen to help you? Bridget That's Just It mum. If I've got to eat her cooking, I'll quit Had to Decide. Two Jolly sons of Erin halted at a wayside Inn. "Phwat does tbe solgn say, Pat?" asked one. " 'Accommodation for mon an' baste,' read the other. "Thin litis go In." "Hould on." "Phwat for?" "Which av us will be th" mon an' which th' baBte?" Chicago Dally News. Another General. "Any letters for me. Pomp?" de manded the pompous old general as he hobbled out to the gate. "No, sal)!" reajtouded tbe colored mall carrier. "No letters addressed 'General?"' "One, snh." "Then it must be for me. I am the only general In town." "Ah doan think no, tujti." "What general Is It?" "General delivery." His Belief. She Do you believe that people should marry their opposlteg? He Certainly. That's why I am looking for a girl with money. Lons-Winded. Tess Mr. Gayley's stories are rathei broad, don't you think? Jess Perhaps, but fortunately they are not as brood as tbey are long. Philadelphia Press. Both Useful and Ornamental. Mother I don't see that you learned anything either useful or ornamental at that school last year. Pretty Daughter Ob, but you don't know. For one thing, I learned bow to make my shoelace come untied when ever I wish. New York Weekly, ailaht Variation. Stubb When you proposed I suppose she sprung that old gag, "This Is so sodden!" Penn Nothing of tbe kind. She aald : "You allly thing! Why didn't you ssy the word sooner and save gas bills? The Wise Fir. Once foolish fly said to the Phre nologlst Fly: "Come and let ua make baste and alight on yonder bald bead." "Not so,'1 aald the Phrenologist Fly. "Con you not see tbat the bald bead possesses an enormous bump of com batlvenesa?" This teaches us that a Misfortune may at "lrnes Possess Advantages. BslU more American. t GOOD I iSbortQtorleJi nt Ad Inquisitive woman once asked frofessor Andre, before he left cm bla il-fated balloon trip: ' How will you mow when you have really crossed rbe North Pole, professor?" "Oh, that will be simple enough madame," re plied Andre. with his well-known dry iiimor; "a north wind will become a wuth one." A gushing younit woman stood before :he portrait of Thomas Jefferson in ne of the lobbies of the national Ca tol, the other day, the plate on which ears simply the name, "Jefferson." 'Oh," she railed to her companions, 'come here quick, girls, and see 'Joe' fefferson's picture. It's In the cos :ume of Bob Acres, and it's Just grand; Mit I do wish they had painted him as !i!p Van Winkle." A beginner in newspaper work in a outhcrn town, who o-casionally "sent rtuff" to one of the Xew York d.tilic, picked up last summer what seemed him a "big story." Hurrying to the ;elejrruph office, he "queried" the tel egraph editor: "Column story on so ind so. Shall I send it?" The reply a-as brief and prompt, but, to the en thusiast, unsatisfactory. "Send six aundred words," was all It said. 'Can't 1k told In lens than twelve bun Ired," he wired back. Before long the eply came: "Story of creation of world told in six hundred. Try It." Rev. M. Greene, a preacher at Flwl oy's Iake, Ia., took his congregation :o task a few Sundays ago, because '.he members were not. In his opinion, riving suitable supisirt to church work. The reverend gentleman mentioned by Jame several of those whom he regard id as at fault, but was Injudicious enough to include Editor Boerman Lmong the lot. "Why," said the preacher, "Mr. Boerman only paid a Jollar toward my support" The editor etorted: "It was dear at the price," uid Mr. Greene thereupon learned that Is dangerous to monsey witn a mizz aw. lieutenant-General Miles declares that once a delegation of rebellious In liang visited his camp in the West for i powwow. Among other things, they s-ere shown a telephone, and allowed talk over it. Much interested, tbey lemanded to know whence came the roices they heard, and why they Bhould ?ome through the little black instru ment It was, of course, Impossible to Bake them understand the principles f electricity, so the general told them :hat the (ireat Spirit had lent his jghtning to the white men, and that forced the human rolces Into the little box they sow. So Impressed were Oiey by this wonder and the under standing with the Great Spirit which ,t Implied, that they returned to their Doiivw and became such advocates for eace that their tribe surrendered. AUSTRALIA'S DROUGHT. io Copiou Rain Since 1HIM, Sheep Dead, Bettlers Knitted. Apart from the general engagement )f forces in the tariff struggle, a eon .est is now going on In Australia ver the duties on cereals and fod ler. In consequence of the ter ible desolation caused by the con :iuuance of the drought, a jtowcrful igltation has sprung up for the susjm'u don of these duties. The government s on the horns of a dilemma. If It fields to the pastorallsts It alienates the 'armers and plays Into the bands of (peculators In grain and cattle food. If t refuses, and the drought does not !reak, a miniature revolution may oc :ur In the Interior. It will probably Ither make a money grant to the dis tressed districts or allow rebates to :hose In charge of starving cattle. The iverage Englishman can scarcely real ise the horrors of the drought In this freat country, three-quarters of whose turface Is always barren and hateful :o the human race. Let the mind first take In a few grim 'acts, 7..: (1) That the drought has dnee WM killed off 30.000,000 sheep In Queensland and New South Walels; (2j .hat with brief spells of rain the lrought has lasted In Central and North iustralla for seven long years; (,'Jj that n many wldespreadlng districts the rainfall has fallen from 22 Inches In 18!)4 to 1.70 Inches last year, and (4) hat thousands of settlers are absolutely ulned and have nothing but bank ruptcy and starvation before them. Then, let the Imagination bestir itself ind try to conjure up vistas of wide itretcbes of grassless plains whitened with the skeletons of dead sheep. Let he Londoner endeavor to Imagine him lelf tall, loose-lltnbed, dry-skinned, lollow-eyed settler, with a dirty wlde iwake bat and dull, torn, colorless rlothes, riding ninety miles on the back f a half -starred, bony horse for a gal 'on of water and pcrluiii:: he will at ast ttcgin to realize what the drought nesns to his Australian cousin. The tutlook Is Indeed a gloomy oik. If the emporsry removal of the duties on train and fodder will brighten It, then, D the name of God, the step should be aken. Melbourne Correondent of he Ixmdon Chronicle. ON CUPPING EVERGREENS. Ipruce uad Norway Pines Reqalre At tentloa Periodically. There Is a great variance In garden tig tastes. Some persons abhor any Alag formal, stiff or In tbe slightest de cree abnormal; a few will go utterly to !ho extreme; the remainder bare bal laced Ideas, admitting both where tbey Dam tttlng aad proper. However tastes will disagree, some plants must have a little attention from the pruning shears to make them at all desirable. Many evergreens msy be thus classified, but necessity only de mands very slight attention. Retlnia poras and pines are usually much ben efited by a slight shearing every two years. Hemlock and Norway spruce may also be so treated to their advan tage, and yews as well. To accomplish the desired end, which Is that of preventing bareness of the lower limbs and to encourage a degree of compactness without absolute for mality, the occasional shearing Bhould take place after new growth has ad vanced several Inches, about half being cut sway, says a writer in Median's Monthly. This check to natural ad vancement causes the growth of lateral buds and consequently a more com pact appearance. The spruce and any otht r evergreens of rapid growth and that form larger trees should be trimmed to ;'rnw some what conical. If allowed to become broader above than below the stronger upper branches will eventually rob the lower of nourishment and make them weak and more or lens bar of foliage. If shearing be neglected at the time designated It may be done late In the growing season, If before growth Is quite completed. Then strong buds will be formed for another season's growth. The pruning of pipes should be done by pinching back the young growth while it Is soft and brittle. Old News 1 No News. A good newspaper tries to give the people fresh news and to "dress up" old news In an attractive form. Most people like to hear again what they already know, but readers are few In deed who would approve the novel at titude of the editor of a German paper published In America. He was very matter-of-fact, says the Washington Tost, but a faithful, hard worker. One night there was a great fire which destroyed the entire block oppo site the newspaper office. The whole town turned out to see it, and the streets were crowded. The proprietor of the paper did not go out, but lay In bed dreaming of the fine display the story of the fire would make on the first page of his Journal the next morn ing. But when he opened the sheet at breakfast, there was not a word about the fire. With wrath In his eye he went to the office and burst Into the sanctum of his German editor. "Why," he thundered, "is there no mention In this morning's Issue of the fire across the street last night?" "Ach. meln lleber Herr," said the edi tor, calmly, "for vy vaste s,o much gut paper? Kfrybody vas In de street, und see de fire himself. Vy should re tell de t'ings vat de people seen already? Shall ve de news print or rat efrybody knows? I)ey haf seen de fire, but do dey know dat Schleler has lost his dog? No. So I have dat printed." An Old One Recalled. The fact that an Irish story, though trite. Is always pat, was Illustrated yesterday, when District Attorney Beeves told this anecdote: "Some people object to releasing pris oners on a floater because of the fact that the renegades are turned loose upon other communities. That re minds me of the Irishman who, after reaching America, was full of home sick brag, In which nothing in America even approached things of a similar variety In Ireland. In speaking of the bees of the ould sod he grew especially roseate and said: "Whoy, th' baie in that counthry Is twice as big as In'thls. Indade, they're bigger than that. They're as big as th' shape ye have In this counthry!" "Bees as big as sheep!" said his In credulous listener. "Why, what kind of hives do they have to keep them inr "No bigger than th' ones In this coun thry," was the reply. "Then how do the bees get Into the hives?" he was asked. "Well," replied the Irishman, "thot's their own dom lookout." Los Angeles Herald. Tennyson's Tactlessness. Several stories are told of Tennyson's thoughtless speeches. "What fish Is this?" he once asked bis hostess when be was dining. "Whiting," she replied. "The meanest fisb there Is," he remark ed, quite unconscious that he could have wounded any one's feelings. Yet bis kindness of heart wus such that when his partridge was afterward given him almost raw he ate steadily through It, for fear his hostess might be vexed. On one occasion Tennyson wss very rude to Mrs. Brotherton, a neighbor at Freshwater. The next day be came to her bouse with a great cabbage under each arm. "1 beard you liked these, so I brought them," be said, genially. It was bis Idea of a peace offering. Pretty Much the (tame. Tbe shades of night were apward dnwo Just si s youth of brains and brawn Unto the breakfast table Died And to tbe waiter loudly cried, "One shredded wheat!" The waiter bronght It on a plate And watrbed the young man while be ate And when there was not left a shred Of all thst shredded wheat be aald, "Excelsior!" Th young man never cracked a smile, Rat after pondering a while The aptness of the waiter's jeat Arose and thus himself expressed, "1 think you're right" Judge, After a man has been disappointed In krvo be develops Into a flrst-claas cynic. All Is not gold tbat shows op la a gllttorlDi mining prospattm