7
i'
1 j
Itt Harrison Press-JjoiMl
C. C. BUBKB, FBOrRIBTOB
CABBISON,
U
NEBRASKA.
All royal road now Beem to include
a run through America.
Home people put oil airs because that
is about all they have to put oil.
J. ru-rpout Morgan sayg xiker 1 a
wUked game. Pierp is a hard loser, .
Self-interest is more likely to warp
a baa's judgment than anything else.
iiml of as would prefer to have the
flaws come without the dark hour la
tnat.
The wings of riches enable them to
Bjr up and roost on the highest
branches.
Oae-half the world may not know
how the other half lives but It has
80)iciODS.
Von't Imagine a man belongs to the
vegetable kingdom because be is a ven
erable sage.
The Cxar la going la for reform and
the Coaaacka will be given more tar
get practice.
Lord Salisbury baa refused a duke
dom. How that man must be pitied
by William Waldorf Aator.
Don't wait for great opportunities. A
Joag, continuous walk will get over
eaere ground than a abort run.
A man who fighuTfor" freedom and
wins Is a patriot; If be fights and loses
Be la a pig-headed old Imbecile.
Gossip avers that the boy king of
Spain la acting like a bad boy; but gos
sip la responsible for many untruths.
That Vermont farmer who went
away from home just before dinner
thirty-nine years ago and hag Just re
turned deserved to And his dinner cold.
A woman's club recently debated this
question: "How long should a wife
submit to a beating before she leaves
Uer husband?" That's easy. She '
abould submit long enough to get hold
of tbe iron poker.
The inhabitants of the Isle of Tines
are uncertain as to their nntional sta
tus. Since the evacuation of Cuba by
tbe American forces and the inaugura
tion of the native government, they
have been detached from the province
of Cienfuegos and are now without
machinery of administration, other
than that of the little town on the
seBtb coast of tbe island. There are a
umber of American settlers on the
island who object to their condition.
Tbey do not wish to be Cubans, but If
tbey cannot be Americans they do not
want to go without Cuban support ior nee(s a tnt or a ..horrWe example"
their schools. Cuba may not be In- he pan alwavg nDd a wealthy spend
llned U agree to the exclusion of the ; thrlft to gerve hIg turn
isle of Pines from the boundaries of j
tbe republic. It is only provided by . publ ic attention is usually occupied
tbe Piatt amendment that the ques- ; wiIh ,n:lt .re ()f thv ,,., nn(i
tion of sovereignty over the island tll.lt ,,.IK Creat changes that r.rc fu..
shall be settled by treaty. Cuba may ' ,,n,.ntal often go on unnoticed. To
conslder that it has nothing to gain by j.jy n gri,at change, amounting to a
giving the island to the L nited .Mates, i
I
Hate generally halts when its victim
is on bis deathbed. Yet the story that
:-omes from St. Petersburg emphasizes
ihe fact that the Slav is a little differ
ent from tbe ordinary man that we
meet on tbe streets. He can hate even
while Death seems fighting for prece
dence In the household of his foeman.
It seems that Russia's world-plans con
templated a long-drawn war In the
Transvaal. It meant almost tbe tying
of the bands of the Bear's great rival
In Asia. It meant that Great Britain's
brains aad sinew and guns must be
mobilized under Kitchener, lest another
Majoba BUI put a period to English
aspirations for ascendency In the Boer
aad. Aad meanwhile tbe never-sleeping
Mby could plot tbe Russianizing of
Asia. But peace came to tbe weary
warriors In tbe vales and on the kop
Jles. It meant happiness tbe world
ver, except la Russia. There Britain's
hardships were counted gain, while her
successes of any nature were cause for
vain regrets. Indeed, so upset was the
government at tbe unexpected victory
of peace In Africa that Its disappoint
ment overcame Its courtesy, and when
Klag Edward lay, as thought, upon bis
dying bed, no word of sympathy was
teat to tbe embassy of Great Britain
at 8t Petersburg. Of course, It might
have been that some one forgot, but
forgetf ulness In diplomatic matters fre
quently leads to a request for pass
sorts. Tbe Slavs are a queer lot. Tbe
world would not be too safe in their
keeping.
General Weyler, be of tbe blood
stained reputation, has a king on bis
sands. Spain's Minister of War Is
nothing If sot self-seeking. Ills am
bit ion leaps high. Tbe army he con
sidered his private property. If be had
his way all tbe gold lace In Spain
areaM be decorating his uniforms.
Presa rater of the army to ruler of
pass seemed a aot Impossible leap,
lit Qaosa Regent be counted aa an
Is tbe yeang Alfoaso be hoped
to Cat alsTtakaBf yoatt who could be
K aot sowed. Bat something
! 9 hi AJfeaso's seat wbea the
t7 tira wars said. A crartac to
b rc to fa aw to Basse. So, tatoty,
C3 C tSas was ad slsssbertag.
tl 3 fc Cs aX of ortartef a
I '"ZC7t t Sf'.T'jy BBt flsT iwtov M
' '"trfcfcrr-Tt Eb fauna
' t"3 era fc tt
and tbey are not at all displeased ovei
playing soldier before their v ruler.
But W'eyler is disgruntled. Uasves that
such performances weaken his monop
oly on the applause of the army. II
has no use for a king that does not
breakfast lu bed, and a king that or
ders the army out without consulting
its head leads him to traitorous
thoughts. But the world w ill bid Al
fonso good fortune in bis ambition to
find out what a king in Spain can do.
It means that he may the sooner and
the more thoroughly learu what the
King of Spain should not do. For Spali:
needs a king that knows and respects
the people and their needs one that
will command and compel obedience,
and one that will stop the plundering
ana start a renaissance. And If, lnel
dentally. General Weyler is unhorsed.
Spain will be advantaged and tin
world will applaud.
The rich young man who will net
work and who spends unprofitably and
foolishly tbe money his laborious fa
ther left him is one of the favorite
topics of the stern moralist, who usu
ally has little to spend and who thinks
he spends his little wisely. A pro
fessor at tbe University of Chicago en
livened and humanized his lecture on
the dry subject of "Kent and Interest"
by holding up to scorn the Idle and ex
travagant sons of the rich. He brand
ed them as "parasites," who should
not be allowed to draw tbelr interest.
"It Is," said the professor, "a crime to
society to pay them Interest fa money
which they did not earn and which
they are not using for the good of the
community" as the "good of the com
munity" Is understood by political
economists. They reprobate all ex
penditure for cakes and ale, fast
horses, yachts and costly social func
tions. The "crime against society"
which the professor deprecates is as
old as society itself and will last as
long as It does. Unless the possessor
of unearned wealth Is so madly extrav
agant as to warrant the appointment
of a guardian, there Is no way In which
he can be deprived of his interest and
forced to abandon the life of a drone
for that of a toiler. The world must
take the sons of rich men as it fiuds
them tbe bad with the good. When
the unimpassioned statistician looks
the' matter up he will find that the
percentage of the favorites of for
tune who do not work and only
sK-nd is small, and the percent
age of the sons of rich men who t
rentage of tbe sons nf rich men who
make a proper use of their money is
large. The good which the latter do
far exceeds the evil the former do. Un
fortunately, the son of a rich man at
his office desk is not so conspicuous as
the son of the rich man driving furi
ously In his "sea green automobile"
and the one gets liltle praise, while the
other gets much censure. Tbe "para
sites" have their uses. What would
the men who wish to point morals and
adorn tales do without them? When
the preacher, the censor of manners, or
the political economic who objects to
expenditure which Is not reproductive
revolution in farm life, is in progress.
The rural telephone, rural free deliv
ery, and the troll-y line are bringing
so many of the advantages of t' town
to the country that the rising genera
tion will never be able to realize h(w
its fathers lived. The older men can
still recall the old farm village, remote
from railways, where year after year
everything centered about the petty a'
fairs of an isolated community, neigh
bor's children marrying . neighbor's
children, and making new homesteads
on the larders of the old. A day's
Journey by team was an extended t'lp,
and a visit to the city an event of wide
spread interest. The railway and tele
graph ruined this old-time village. But
the revolution they worked a gciera
tlon ago was nothing compared !o the
revolution that Is now going on. a revo
lution tbat will In ten years make tbe
farm tbe ideal home of the well-to-do.
To-day more than 4.000,000 farmers In
the United States have dally mall do
llvered at their doors. This Is tbe re
port of tbe Assistant Postmaster Gen
eral. As a result of this daily mall they
are sending out an average of two let
ters where before tbey sent one. Win ti
rural free delivery was first proposed
It was ridiculed as a fad, a new means
of squandering the public money. It Is
now In operation In every State in the
Union excepting Montana, where
mountainous roads thus far have made
It Impracticable. Even in Alaska there
Is a route from Nome to Gold Itlver.
The 'department estimates that with
the present month 8,000 routes will be
In operation, averaging twenty-iive
miles In length. It is safe to predict
that during President Roosevelt's term j
every thickly settled farm section will
have Its dally mall. The rural tele
phone Is not so far along as rural de
livery, and the trolley line Is only being
experimented with In tbe West. But
who will venture tbat In ten years all
tbe Important farm roads will not be
lined with wire and many of them laid
with tracks? Hitherto it hss been the
dream of the fanner to save enough to
enjoy at last the conveniences and lax
srles of town life. Already the change
may bo noticed. Tbey art building tbelr
bow homes oa tbe farm. With tbe
faculties tbey bow enjoy the town does
not p reseat to maay attractions. The
change to most fortunate.
Wo wtob tbat we cevid toko ears of
Mm asiMttoaa aa a girl speaks of
osajaa)00 OOOOO aO OOO 00aO''
COOD
Short Storie$
The Living Church quotes this ex
tract from a Connecticut womau's
diary, dated 1700: "We had roast pork
for dinner, and Dr. S., who caned,
held up a rib on his fork, and said:
'Here, ladies, Is what Mother Ere was
made of.' 'Yes,' said Sister Patty,
'and it's from very much the same kind
Oi cnlter. - .
General Horace Porter, the American
minister to France, says that when b
departed for his post five years ago, bis
parting words to Mark Twain, as he
was about to board the steamer for the
other side, were: 'Mark, may the Lord
be with you." "Yes," the humorist re
plied, with a slight cough, "snd I hope
He may occasioually find a leisure mo
ment to pay some attention to you
also."
An unlettered Irishman applied to the
Philadelphia Court of Naturalization
the other day, when he was asked:
"Have you read the Declaration of In
dependence''" "No, sir," was ihe re
ply. "Have you read the Constitution
of the United States?" "No. sir."
"Have you read the history of the
United States?" "No, sir," he repeated.
"No," exclaimed the Judge in disgust:
"well, what have you read?" "Oi bave
red hair on me head, your honor," was
the Innocent reply.
In a series of sketches, eutitled
"Lights and Shadows In a Hospital,"
Mrs. Terton tells of a melancholy man.
depressed with rheumatism, in ber cot
tage hoppltal. whom she wanted to
cheer by reading. Ordinary hospital
literature was no good. At last, said
the nurse: "I shall read him 'Three
Men In a Boat,' and if that doesn't
amuse him. I shall give him up as hope
less." So she read, till final!- "a re
luctant smile came over his face, and
be said, with slow satisfaction: 'I do
think they lip three rum 'tins.' " That
was the fuming point in his illness,
lie recovered completely, and left the
hospital a bright and cheerful man.
It is said that Senator Jones, of Ar
kansas, dropped into Mr. Hoar's committee-room
to see what the Massachu
setts Senator thought of Governor Da
vis' act In pardoning a negro on condi
tion that he go to Massachusetts. "Why,
I accept the governor's compliment lor
State," Hoar Is reported to have re
plied; "while the negro was looked
upon as a criminal, it seems that Gov
ernor Davis regarded him as a tit sub
ject for Arkansas. But when he found
that the negro was innocent and ca
pable of good citizenship, he was di
rected to go to Massachusetts, where
we have only good citizens. Please
convey to the governor my thanks for
his compliment to Massachusetts."
Senator Perkins says that once when
he was a sailor, a tremendous storm
came up. and it looked as If the vessel
were doomed to go under. In the midst
of the excitement a minister, who was
one of the passengers, asked the tap-
tain If he could have prayers. "Oh.
never mind about tbe prayers," s.-Jd
the captain; "the men are swearing too
hard to stop for prayers, and as Icn-.' as
you hear theni swearing," added Hie
cap'alii. "there is no danger." The
minls.er went back to ids cabin. A lit
tle while later, when the storm iri-.-w
worse, the preacher went on deck to
spc what the tailors were doing. Then
he went back to his wife. "Thank God.'"
he said, fervently, 'those men are slill
swearing."
SILK MANUFACTURE.
France Kirnt, United Simon Second In
Mine of Product.
With the prominence that is being
given In many quarters to the sub
ject of child labor It is Interesting to
note that In 1X70. according to the last
census, "JO. per cent of all the opera
tives of silk mills In this country were
children, while In l:x the number of
youthful workers had diminished to
9.8 per cent. The decrease took place
between 1870 and 110. Wwe the lat
ter year there has been a slight In
crease. New Jersey shows the greatest
falling off of child employes, having
dropped from 32.1 per cent to 5 pet
cent In contrast to this, the propor
tion of child operatives In Pennsji
van's has grown greater during tbh
entire period, reports the New York
Tribune.
America Is second to France In Hie
snnual value of Us silk production. In
1000 70 per cent of tbe silk used In this
country was manufactured here an
Increase of .17 per cent since MHO aad
pf 13 per cent since IWst. America
now produces K" per cent of the silk
riblKtns annually sold here. The goods
now principally Imported from Europe
re high-class iiovelib-s, hand made silk
velvets and hand-made silk laces,
which are not produced here to any ap
preciable extent, but which will, with
out doubt, be made In du time,
Hahiitfll and Kalkn silks, which, by
reason of their extreme lightness in
Weight, are so popular for summer
wear, come from Japan. In 'Mi the
value of the Imports of silk manufac
tures was $W.Mfl3,ri4l: of the domes
tic product, fl07,2fW,2."8.
There Is very little coin pet I tion from
broad with domestic manufactures of
sewing silk and machine twist. In
fart, the United States product Is uni
versally acknowledged aa superior In
donah of parity and dye to tbat of any
ether country, because only the best
Japan and China filatures, dyed un
weighted, are used. It Is noteworthy
tbat at tbe Parle exposition of 1000
tbe graad prig d'bonneur, tbe highest
ward gives, waa awarded to aa Amer-
Jtaas oxMMtor of this class of silks.
Mors raw aflk to sold aaaBally la
New York than Is consumed In France
which Is tbe largest raw-silk consum
lug country of Europe. As to the soli
ing value of the product, the United
States ranks second, being surpassed
by France, which still dominates
without serious competition, tht
world's markets In church ornament
and chasubles and Parisian speclaltiet
representing the supremacy of Parlf
fashions for women's wear. Many ol
these are made on hand looms, th
quantities required In different pat
terns and styles being so limited that
their production in the United State!
by power loom weaving would not ix
i-rotliaMe, ...
M'KINLEY'S DOCTORS
Have Never Rendered Any Bills fo
Their Services.
Not one of the seven local doctors wh
performed services In connection wit
the McKluley tragedy in this city last
year, says a Buffalo correspondent o
the New York Tribune, has received
any compensation thus far. Nelthet
has any of them any official or direct
knowledge that he will get any com
pciisatiou. Notwithstanding statement
to the contrary, none of the physician
ever submitted bills for services, ano
the entire subject of compensation waf
left wholly to the Government. In th
long time that has elapsed no Govern
nient official has ever consulted any ol
the doctors on the matter. Tbe local
physicians who were In personal atteu
dance tiion the President, or who wen
called Into consultation In tbe case
were Drs. Matthew D. Mann, Hermaii
Mlnter, Charles G. Stockton, Roswel)
Park aud Eugene Wasdln, tbe lattet
being In rhe United States Marine Hos
pita I service. Drs. Henry R. Gaylord
and Herman G. Matsinger performed
the autopsy, assisted by some of the
doctors named.
"None of the local physicians who at
tended President McKlnlev or who
performed the autopsy have recelvet
any compensation," declared Dr. Mann
this afternoon. "Neither has any o
them been consulted In any way on the
subject. It was agreed when the ques
tion of compensation was tirst i
tated that no bills should be submitted.
and the agreement was observed. Tilt
dor-tors simply permitted the Govern
tnent to follow Its own course. In con
sequence none of us know officially
what has been done or what will be
done. All we know Is that an Item o
$4.Vca) was put In the emergency Mil,
That Information was derived from tin
newspapers; in fact, all that we know
about the entire matter from the time
our services were performed until now
has been learned through the newspa
pers.
"Has any arrangement been made to
divide the compensation If It Is al
lowed';"
"None whatever. We assume that
If the Government allows any money
the Government will arrange the ap-
)Mrt!onmet!t among the physicians. As
I understand it. Dr. Wasdln, because
he Is in the Government service, will
not be Included in tills division. We
are leaving everything to the Govern
ment."
A Question of Conscience.
"Some folks," said the store clerk,
"are too honest. Now I've had some
body come In to me when the boss was
standing by. somebody that had bought
something or me the day before, and
band over two cents and say:
"iou gave me two cents too much
change yesterday, ami I've brought ll
back.'
"He couldn't rt, you see, that man
until he'd got that two cents off his
conscience and returned It. But In
getting rid of that load himself he sim
ply shifted it onto me. Here's the ho.
standing by when that two cents Is
returned; and the toss says to himself,
with his eye on me:
'"Hm: If you make a mistake of
two cents, you'd make one of two dol
lars;' and so you see, tbat super-lion
est man's return of tbat tvo cents may
do me a lot of harm.
"The meaning of which is. If I can
make myself clear, tbat we don't want
to be too blamed honest. A man can
be too honest and worry himself over
trifles that he ought not to bother over.
"I should say that If the honest man
must bring two rents back let him turn
It In some time when the Ikb wasn't
'round." New York Sun.
Hdlson's Quick Repartee.
There Is a sparkling, even dazzling,
quality In Edison's repartee, which Is
usually a surprise to strangers. People
generally approach tbe heavy, self-contained
looking figure expecting replies
of ponderous technical Importance;
hence tbelr surprise.
Tbe wteard was approached the other
day by an enterprising llghtnlng-rod
agent anxious for some word of prRlse
for his wares from the great num. Edi
son was non-coininlttal.
'Well." said tbe lightning-rod man at
last, "do you approve of light iilng-rods,
anyway?"
'It depends upon tbe building," said
Edison,
'But Is It any good In any case?
Would you advise their use on
churches, forintanee?" ventured the
roil man.
Well." replied Edison, with twink
le "tbey might m of nse on churches.
It does look as though Providence were
a bit absent-minded at times." Boston
Journal.
Uovrrntnent nf Journalists.
Mr. Asqnlth, the English statesman,
said In s speech at a recent press ban
quet that nearly every member of the
present British cabinet, from the pre
mier down, bad worked for the press
at oo4 time or another,
Some people tblob tblaga tbe don't
say, sod others say tblags tbey don't
think.
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleahant Incidents Occurring tbe
World Over Sayings that Are Cheer
ful to Old or Young Koonr Selec
tions (bat Everylody Will Kujoy.
Ascum-How on earth did you ever
come to be engaged to Miss Main
chanz? I thought you said you always
got so bashful when you were alone
w it h a girl that you couldn't speak,- -
Stammers That's just It; I couldn't
I cp
glvf-i
speak, so she said. "Silence glvr-s con-
sent." and that settled It.- Philadelphia
Press.
How he Got Him.
"Where in the world did she ever get
that ugly little lop-sided husband of
hers?"
"That's one of her finds."
"One of her finds?"
"Why, yes. Didn't you know she was
a bargain fiend?" Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Pretty Weak.
First Farmer (tasting In How much
cider did yon make tills year?
Second Farmer Fifteen barrels.
First Farmer Well, ff you'd a had
another apple, you might a-madc an
other barn I.
A hemnon in Ktiquette.
The Caller You are never naughty.
are yon?
Margery Well, I shouldn't think
you d ask me that: Mamma says it
Isn't good manners to hurt people's feel
ings.- Puck.
Her Rejoinder.
"How you young women did chatter
at your progressive euchre party!" ex
claimed the United States Senator.
"les, answered Miss Cayenne; "one
might have thought we were trying to
select a route for an isthmian canal."
Washington Star.
Had Them to Burn.
Being grievously afflicted with rheu
matism In one of his legs tbe centipede
went to the cutworm for relief.
'I've stood It as long as I can." he
said. "I wish you would amputate the
ailing leg. It's along here somewhere
on my left side."
'They all look alike to me," said the
cutworm, after making an examination.
"Which one is it ';"
"How can I tell?" exclaimed the cen
tipede, Irritably. "Cut off five or six of
them, aud I'll tell you when you've got
the right one." Chicago Tribune.
The Jnry'a Hympatbiea.
Stranger You still have Ivnchlngs
here, do you ?
Westerner -duly in the case of bad
characters. When a fairly g.sid cltl-tt-n
gets arrested for anything we al
ways let the law take Its course.
"That's encouraging."
"Yes, you see an average Jurv can
ahvajs be depended upon to hang a
good citizen if ll gets a chance. "-
New York Weekly.
Cause for Apprehension.
Mrs. Ilornbeak Ezry, I'm afraid
your ma Is loslu' her mind.
Farmer Ilornbeak What makes ye
think so? I ain't noticed any purtick
lcr signs of It.
Mrs. Horn beak -Why, she's got bo's
she don't 'pear to think everybody that
comes to the house Is anxious to hear
all about her gran'cbildren. Judge.
Fncial Prratiicr.
"But I can't see why you folks cater
so much to this Mr. Hyuiples. He has
neither brains, wealth nor blood to rec
ommend lit in."
"till!" explains the villager, "but be
owns the thermometer that registers
higher than all the others In summer
and the lowest In winter." Detroit
Free press.
Her Hyatem.
Ii. Mrs. Wise seems to understand
id w to ma nag" her husband pretty
well.
She-Yes. She lets hlra have ber own
way In everything.
r low.
"Were there enough young men to
go around?" asked Erms, speaking of
the mountain resort.
Yea," said the girl who had aot
been hugged, "bat they were too bash
ful to go around,"
Tba Famlalas View of It.
But It takes two to make a bargaia.
you know," ssld the man la tbe rasa.
"Of course It does," replied tba
naiden fair. "A dollar article Isa't a
srgain unless one can purchase a) for
Wordlcx Tboaft-hta.
"Remember, my son," said tbe o!
mini to bis offspring, who was going
forth Into the world to do for hhnsell
and to do others, "tbat there are timet
when It Is best to saw wood and a
nothing."
"That's right, dad," replied tbe wist
Innocent "If a fellow was to saj
what be thinks while sawing wood l
might affect his standing In tht
church."
Iter Martyrdom.
ftylvla I'm surprised to hear tbsf
Isabel married young Dashlngton, aft
er derlarlnf that he wasn't good
enough for her.
Phyllis-Ves, but later she declared,
that he was too good for any thei
girl, so she married him out of sfteet
sympathy.
Forced Tbem Out.
"There Is a man who made everyone
get out of tbat big aartment bouse."
"Ixies he own it?"
"No; he Just rents a hall room. Too
see, be started to clean his last yeat't
straw hat with sulphur fumes."
hove Him the Trnnble.
Sleek-My wife wanted me to buy
her a pug dog for a pet, hut I bought
ber a groundhog Instead.
Meeks-Why did you do that?
Klerk Because a groundhog digs Its
own grave. See?
Oat at First.
Koftlelgh- -I-sw had a moet de
lightful dweain lawst night, dnncber
know."
Miss flitting -Indeed:
Softleigh Yaws. I-I dweamed that
we were mawwled, doncher know.
Miss Cutting Had I dreamed that I
should have classed it as a horriblt
nightmare.
Doubtful Crnsolat Ion.
Young Wife Fin so unhappy.
Girl Friend -Why, dear?
Young Wife I'm beginning to real
ize that my husband married me for
my money.
Girl Friend-Well. It ought to be
some consolation to kuow that he Isn't
a big n fool as he looks.
Two of a Kind.
"I see you are wearing stripeM now,"
s;ild the window blind.
"Yes," replied the awning, "and yon
would be wearing them also If yon had
what's coming to you."
"How's that?" queried the blind.
"You are a daylight robW, ssme at
I am," answered the awning
What!
"Well, we're having a taste of it our
selves, now."
"What?"
"The water i-ur."
Kl,.,led.
Customer When was this chicken
killed?
Walter -We don't furnish dates with
chicken, sir. Only bread and hotter.
The Place to Show It.
Tens-1 suppose she'll go to the moun
tains this summer, as usual.
Jess -(ih, no! She has become qnite
plump, and has developed a good fig
ure. Tcss - Well?
.less She'll go to the seushore, of
courM'.- Philadelphia Press.
Cruel Cuckoo.
"Ah, Miss Breeze," began the roman
tic young man, "I adore the beautiful.
I am a lover of poetry. I am a"
'Cuckoo!" Interrupted a small voice
In the clock. And then the romantlt
young man bit bis tongue.
Chance for a Uivoree.
He-1 understand young Slmkins an.
bis wife are not living happily to
gether.
She What seems to lie tbe trouble)
He Incompatibility of temper.
She-Which is at fault?
He Both. He furnishes the Incom
patibility and she supplies the temper,
She Was Charitable.
Miss Younger Do you know, dear,
I bave often wondered why yon uevef
married?
Miss Elder-Indeed! Well, to tell
you the truth, I er-tbat Is
Miss Younger Oh, never mind telN
Ing me, If It Is at sll painful. Doubt
less you bave often wondered nf it
yourself.
t riixhinif Blow.
"I think 1 never saw Kqulboh so ut
terly crushed as he was when his first
poem appeared In the Dally Bread."
"What was the matter? Some typo
graphical error In Ihe poem?"
"No; that wasn't II. What crushed
him was that the paper was sold for 'J
rents a ropy that morning, Just as
usual." Chicago Tribune.
Tbe llaabaad Kiev,
Vlty Editor-Hoe here, In your obitu
ary of this prominent rlub woman you
say she "Is a good wife." You mean
"was," of course.
Reporter-No, I mean "Is.' Mr. Ilen
peek, ber husband, told ihe If I wanted
to be abanlntely truthful that was tbe
way to put lt.-Pbllaolpbta Press.
Tbelr JSVm. -"hut
think of those stteaUeU eBBib-
lag op those vt
oown arts taoir castors," rtltsrof :
rosoica.
They wlaaoi Is got as
H-fl I
or tbe sttssawa,
dick.
wo cents less."
