4 .
The Harrboa Press-Jjnroal
C. C. BL KKK, PKOI'RIETOB
HARBISON,
- NEBRASKA
If people were as wise as they think
they are the unexpected would never
happen.
ft is suggested that : If Andrew-Carnegie
really fears to die rich he might
hold a world's fair.
The physician who discovers the
first case of perityphlitis la his patients
is sure of free advertising.
There Is no limit to the possibilities
of a country that can have snowstorms
In June and sunstrokes In January.
It may be better to give than to re
ceive, but the girl who is trying on ber
engagement ring doesn't look at it that
way.
Many a man thinks the world has a
spite against him, when the world
doesn't know that there Is "any such a
person."
Koah probably was the first captain
of industry. At least It Is only fair to
suppose that he saw to the watering of
th stock.
Uncle Russell Sage says he has been
working for nearly seventy years. He
has also put In about the same amount
of time in omitting to be worked by
others.
America is supposed to be the place
where the Almighty Dollar is wor
shiped, but Americans do not bet
money on the life or death of a sick
man who is official head of the nation.
A statute representing a firecracker
boy has been raised in one of the Chi
cago parks. It shows him as he is on
the glorious Fourth. Now let the old
maids and old bachelors raise a fund
for a statue showing the firecracker
boy as he appears ou the Fifth.
Another woman has shot the man
who refused to marry her. Just why
shooting a man should make him more
willing to marry, provided he survives,
is not easy to understand. The man
who will not wed with a whole skin is
hardly likely to yearn for the woman
who perforates It
Young Alfonso's matrimonial inten
tions offer possibilities to our ambitious
young women whose papas have made
a pile in pork or sugar or steel. Consid
ering the state of Alfonso's bank ac
count, be should come as cheap as a
French marquis and at a great deal
lower figure than an English duke.
Sealed bids should be sent in at once.
Buffalo and Boston day nurseries an.
training young girls to be nurse
maids. The course in the Boston Insti
tution, occupying six months, qualifies
a girl to feed and wash the baby, cook
and sew for him, amuse him in various
ways, and teach him morals and man
ners after the method of the kinder
garten. The demand for these knowl
edgeable maidens greatly exceeds the
"supply, It Is said. Yet It can hardly
lie maintained that the business of
baby-tending is "a new profession for
women."
The only flag ever allowed to float
above the Stars and Stripes on the ves
sels of our navy Is the church flag, a
broad white streamer with a blue
cross. Its presence marks one of the
most Impressive sights on shipboard
the sacred service held every Sundaj
morning, attended by all officers and
men. Nearly all the denominations, in
their national assemblies, have lately
protested against the growing seculari
zation of the Lord's day. In at least
one branch of the government service,
the navy, Sunday has gained rather
than lost with the years in tokens of
respect
Most old saws are nutshells full of
ancient and accepted errors and one ot
the most ancient, the mont generally
accepted and the most erroneous of
all is the saying that a rolling stone
gathers no moss. The saying has
blocked many a young man's first step
(o fortune and a career. Unless a man
does a moderate amount of rolling he
will settle in a rut and go on, forever,
never rising and never Improving. Op
portunity must be sought It may be
that all things come to him who waits,
out it comes much more quickly to him
who goes out looking for It Oportu
nlty, like a woman, yields more readily
to an ardent wooer.
Perhaps no missionary ever preached
in more parts of the world than the late
Bishop William Taylor of the Metho
dist Church, whose death has been
noted recently. He went to California
to a missionary along with the "forty
niners;" the be preached In Csnada.
Thence be went to England and the
continent, visiting Egypt and the Moly
Land, bold lag evangelistic services
wherever It was possible. Later he
forte bi Australia, Tasmania, New
ealaad, India, loath Africa, the Congo
, Ow West Indies, mad la various
hi Sooth and Central Amer-
a, Cfcw tor si lag rrery continent and
fca fcteaas of the as. He literally weat
f 3 the worM, preaching the gospel.
Cm leaasa why than Is apprehension
O tr-Ua over the possible death of
, r j Levari la that there is little con
"n tl C hotr aiaarsnt. TheDvke
Xt y toot khhj Umber la bin,
4 est bow It Bo to aa aa-
vd km bJ resell to Use
7 Cn carta c seojat
cry tcJ Ca4 to Ka wto
age Brit'iher Hks his king to be dlg
niiicd, all rlht. but he wants him to
le democratic also. That Is one rea
son why Edward Ik popular. As Prince
of Wall's he was unconventional, so
cial, hearty, democratic. Edward is
not only democratic In his manners and
tastes but in Lis views of things. In
politics be is liberal and broadminded.
He was an Intense admirer of our
Blaine in the kilter's day and was a
sympathetic follower ami friend of
(ihtdntoiie even whea that great Eng
lishman was unpopular at his mother's
court. II is vote in the House of Lords
was always ou the liberal side and
there is uo doubt he greatly aided the
Boer peace negotiations. The king has
been considerable of a sport in his time,
but that has not hurt him much in the
estimation of the English. Much is for
given to royalty where royalty is the
fashion. England's king has not given
to the royal house that veneration and
deep respect which Victoria command
ed. It was not in him to do that. His
career as prince did not fit him for
playing guch a part. But he has made
the most of himself since he came to1
the throne and few kings have been
more popular.
Probably the recent train robbery
will set some undoubtedly brave men
to declaring what they would hav&
done if they had been on the engine or
in the express car. They think they
would have made a fight of it. History
shows that they would not. No matter
how brave a man is. he succumbs to
"the drop" when it is held on him by
a man who has every reason to shoot
at the slightest sign of resistance. The
records of far Western stage robberies
show that hundreds of the coolest;
bravest men ou this continent or In
the world, for that matter have
ranged themselves at the side of a road
while a single highwayman "wenf
through" them. Given an even chance
and any one of them would have made
a battle of It. Given only a fighting
chance, probably half of them would
have accepted It. But to Invite practi
cally certain death is a height of bra
very that Is not reached in resisting
highwaymen. It is attained only by
soldiers in the performance of their
duty, by life savers inspired by the
grandest of motives and by enthusiasts
religious, political or social who are
willing to die that the cause which
they advocate shall prosper. The man
who is "held up" by a robber is not a
coward by any means. He declines to
stake his life against bis valuables, for
that is really the issue. Shall I risk
my life for a few dollars? is the ques
tlon be has to answer. There Is no
great principle at stake. He can
achieve no great glory If he comes out
of the conflict victorious; he loses his
life If he suffers defeat In such a
position most men will do what the
trainmen did hold up their hands. A
man can recoup his financial fortunes,
but be can't rekindle the vital spark
once It has been snuffed out.
One of the strangest divorce cases on.
record deals with Mrs. Margaret Hud
son Thomas, of Brooklyn. She sued
Frank L. Thomas. The meat In the
case is that Frank "got mad" about
Hotueihiug and stopped talking. They
lived together, ate together, and not a
word passed his lips. At table ho
would pull out a little tab and write:
"Pass the butter," or "The meat Is
rare," or some other bit of Informa
tion, and solemnly hand It to his wife,
She stood two years of It and then left)
him. A good woman will suffer muclf
to avoid scandal. She will hide shamij
and tears, and suffer mental and some
times physical torture, sooner than
spread her sorrow before the rude eye
of a public that sometimes sin Men
when it should be sympathetic. The
man who punishes "his woman" bj
refusing to speak to her is generally a
petulant, spoiled child In man's clothes,
and no more fit to le at the head of a
household than a baby. He plans if
train np his wife, to discipline her oc
casionally, when the chances are that
she has forgotten as much as he knows.
Sometimes he punishes her by falling
to give the good-by kiss at the door.
It cuts her like a knife thrust, and bt
consults his vanity and learns that "a
woman should not be allowed her own
way too much. Or he refuse
to speak to her, for a day, or
a week, or for a period calcu
lated to bring her to an adequate un
derstanding of her sins and his dig
nity. Yes, these things really happen.
Ion't think because love rules In your1
home, ami happiness is yours, that alt
of the men are good and all of the
women sweet. If a man can't rule
without becoming a stubliorn ass and
acting like a fool, If he can't maintain
respect and affection by deserving It
lie will never make his point by a sys
tem of dumb torture, which is more to
be dreaded than blows.
Wearing Hats In Church.,
The wearing of hats In church was
a sore point with the clergy of the six
teenth and seventeenth centuries. Ham-t
el Pepys went to church one Sunday
iq the reign of Charles II., and duly
noted the fact In his diary, adding J
with reference to the sermon, that bo
beard "a simple fellow on the praise;
of church music and exclaiming
against the men wearing their bats In
the church." It seems, probable that
men took off their bats throughout the
service, bat pat them on again during
the sermon. . Early In the seventeenth
century many of the clergy began ta
attack the custom and pleaded fori
more refined and becoming behavior)
in cnuren. lit. uonne, oesn ot an
Paul's, spoke out sternly against this
practice.
Nearly every
yoo met to,
looking for
Bat th
hare foaad r aoe
actvy to
There are ZU establishments, em
ploying D.SS'J glove makers, in the
United Slates.
A crew of Italians n ployed on rail
road work north of- Marinette, Wis.,
struck recently cm aiount of the mos
quitoes. Increases have been made by the Il
linois Central railroad in the wages of
telegraphers at cert a 1 stations and
overtime granted um.er certain condi
tions. Absolutely the newest thing in or
ganized labor is the Greater New York
Shoe Polishers' Union, No. 1, which has
just been formed, with the object of
regulating prhes and hours. It has
a membership of WK).
This is a remarkable story which j
comes from Massachusetts of the man i
who, In order to take his wife abroad
to finish the training of her voice, has
closed his factory and thrown 1,200
employes out of work.
A report Issued by the Census Bu
reau on the textile Industry of the
United States shows that the capital
Invested In cotton manufacturing In
the Southern States increased from
$20,413,414 in 1X.S0 to $tl2.(i'i'$.72 In
1800 and to $137,172,501 in 1000.
There is trouble brewing between
the Allied Metal Mechanics and the
International Brotherhood of Black
smiths. The former want to claim
jurisdiction over the blacksmiths' help
ers, but the brotherhood officials re
fuse to look at the matter in that light.
Secretary Brain wood of the Inter
national Typographical Union, paid
per capita, tax on 42.144 members to
the American Federation of Labor for
the month of May this year. This Is
the largest number of members the or
ganization lias had since Its foundation
50 years ago.
A feature of the new scale signed by
the Kepublic Iron and Steel company
of Pittsburg, which has not as' yet
gained prominence, is that the com-,
pany agreed to establish an eight-hour
dnv in Its mills wherever practicable.
The officials of the Amalgamated asso
ciation recognize this as a victory.
R. H. Alley of Seattle, Wash., has re
turned from Australia, where he says
he secured $1,500,000 capital to erect
and operate a woolen mill In Seattle.
The wool growers of Australia and
New Zealand are Interested in having
a market for their product In the rap
Idly developing northwest Plans in
clude a regular line of steamships be
tween Seattle and Australia.
An agitation for a labor temple In
Chicago was launched at the last meet
ing of the Chicago Federation of La
bor. Chicago has nearly 500 unions.
Excepting the Bricklayers and Stone
Masons' Union, all rent balls for their
meetings and headquarters for the of
ficials. It Is estimated that a quarter
of a million dollars Is paid out an
nually !n Chicago for hall rents and
meeting places.
The recent convention of the Inter
national Brotherhood of Bookbinders
decided to submit to referendum vote
of the members a proposition for the
payment of a death benefit It also
appointed a committee on a book
binders' "home," patterned after the
Printers' home at Colorado Springs.
Already $20,000 has been subscribed
for the project. It is likely the insti
tution will be situated at Colorado
Springs. E. W. Tatum was re-elected
international president.
Binile that Saved a Life.
Rome time ago a delicate though ar
tistic girl of Naples, Ida llizzl by name.
saw a photograph of Queen Helena In
which ber majesty was represented In
a thoughtful mood. Straightway she
conceived the Idea of painting a r
tralt of her sovereign and of beautify
ing It with a smile, which was wholly
lacking In the photograph.
This she did, und when her work was
finished she sent it to the queen, with
these words: "May her majesty smile
in this maimer all ber life."
A few days later the child became se
riously ill and the physicians decided
to perform nn operation ou her. Mean
while the queeu had learned who had
sent the painting, and the result was
that a few hours before the flxi-d time
for the operation Ir. Qulrleo, the court
physician, entered Ida Klzzl's home
with Instructions from the Queen to
take the best possible care of her. Soon
after him came the Countess Gulceiar
dlnl. one of the Queen's ladies In wait
ing, with a large Ikjx full of Is-auflfiil
presents, among them being boxes of
choice paints, brushes, engravings, a
Jeweled brooch and a fine portrait of lit
tle Frlncess Yolaude, below which were
written some kindly words by the queen
herself.
An Hfflclent Officer,
A man who was "wanted" In Russia
had been photographed In six different
positions and the pictures were duly
circulated among the police depart
ments. The chief of one of these wrote
to headquarters a few days after th
Issue of the set of portraits and stated:
"Sir. I have duly received the portrait
of the six miscreants whose capture
Is desired, I have arrested Ave of
them and the sixth Is under observa
tion and will be secured shortly."
Ever remark bow people admire a
polite, sensible, well-behaved, Indus
trloas boy? Why not be that kind,
boys? Boy never lack appreciation
whoa they behave themselves. ' And II
to oaotor to bohare than It to to act the
"Don't you think she's 'a njede
mother ?"
"Why, her children are little ter
rors!"
"Yes; but she writes such pood pa
pers for our motbty-s' meetings."
His t-uii t.rtion.
'How can I make my boarding hous)
more popular?" asked Mrs. Sawedge.
"You might," replied the star board
er, squaring up to a bit of steak, "yot
might advertise It as furnishing all tin
advantages of a gynrimsmm."
Connected.
"They claim to be collected wit)
Some of the best families."
"By telephone?"
"Laved In the Shade."
A Good Listener.
Mr. Jumper You seem to like to tall
to Whllks.
Mr. Jimps Yes; he never reads thi
papers, and everything you tell him 1
news.
When Om Union I Success.
Clara-Shall I write Cousin Elizs
that we think we will come out to visli
her?
Clarence No; the last time wewrote
you remember, she got away before w
arrived there.
Marriauc a Failure.
Polly Men are so deceiving.
Holly-Why?
Polly Oh, Phil used to rave over mj
angel cake; and now he doesn't like it
because I can't make gingerbread.
Pittf harmed.
Judge Your wife has brought sull
against you for desertion, sir. What
have you to say for yourself.
Accused It was this way, your Hon
or; you see, my wife asked me to beat
the carpet, and
Judge Enough; you arc discharged
Hearties.
Soapless Sam It's a heartless world
pnrd. Guess what a woman done the
other day when I asked her t' glmnif
soinethin' t' keep body and soul to
gether. Ixmg Ike Dunno.
Soapless Sam She gimme a safety
pin.
Correct.
Teacher Johnnie Stokes, how many
make a miiiion r
Johnnie Very few on dis earth.
Up Aeainwt It.
Smith What's the trouble, old man?
You look as If a squall had struck you.
Jones Worse than that, my lsy. I've
just been struck by two squalls.
Smith Why, how's that?
Jones Got twins at our house.
Went One Better.
Jlmson Scared Why, the poor, wom
an was so badly frightened ,lia t !l
turned her hair white In twenty-four
hours.
Jester Huh! I know several girl
who have turned their hair yellow In
ess time than that.
Miaunderatood.
He Do yon think your father will
vbject to my suit?
Slie-I don't see why he should; he's
jjot one exactly like It.
Pa II ail Purchased Some.
Utile Willie Sny, jm, what arc sum
nary measures?
Pa-Early strawberry boxes, my son.
Ilin-ranee la Illlas.
Maria Our I.ucy says since she went
lo college she has learned to be an ex
pert chanffeuse. I wonder what that
means, Hiram?
Hiram )b. Just another name for
Fench cook, I reckon.
liiiC Head.,
"I see some one has Invented a hat
that will stret'-h to any size."
"H'ni! It must be Intended for col
lege graduates."
Painfully Practical.
"I shall take as my motto," said the
ambitious youlth, "the Immortal words,
'Be sure you're right and then go
ihcsd.'"
"That may do later In life," answered
Senator Sorgiim, "but for the present I
ihoiild advise you to be sure some other
lellow Is lucky and then catch on be
hind." Washington Star.
Additional Light.
"No," said Mr. Bickers to Mr. Ga
am, who had resumed a subject dis
missed the day before, "on that point
roil are decidedly wrong."
"But you thought I nas quite rlghl
yesterday." protested Gazzam.
"True, but I've talked the subject
over with my wl." since." Detroit
Free Press.
The Tifw Arrival,
"Have you seen Hie new baby?" ak
ti enthusiastic Tommy,
"No." replied Freddy.
"Wen, he's a blrdr
"A Mrd? I guess that 'a why tbf
atork bresgbt him -
- fl
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
6TORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Cnriona and I.nuKhnble Phaaea
of Human Nature Graphically Por
trayed by Imminent Word Artiats of
Our Own Day A Hudct of Fun.
t;U;-,!; V.'asoiev w:;s going to ask
old Bullion for his daughter's hand.
wasn't he?
liauks lie did ask him.
Banks I low did he emno out ?
Punks On the back of his neck, I be
lieve. Judge.
An Awful Jolt.
"The face Is an Index to the mind,"
said the boarder who deals In quota
tions.
"I don't believe It," snapped the an
gular female at the end of the table,
who Is entitled to allowance for age.
"One exception," replied the quota
tion dispenser, "Is necessary in order to
prove the rule. Therefore It stands to
reason that when a woman's face Is
made up her mind Is not necessarily in
the same condition." Chicago News.
Varying.
Uncle How old are you, Jimmy?
Jimmy I am 13 at home, 14 at
school Bnd 11 In the train.
He Liked It Hare.
Mrs. Young Wife (on her first mar
keting tour) I want two pounds of
beefsteak, and have It rare, please.
He Het It All RiKht.
Bill Collector You say you Intend V
pay this bill some time; can't you set a
certain day?
Lawyer Furst Yes; judgment day.
Chicago American.
Carrying It to Exceaa.
"Frlsble Is au exceedingly polite
man," said Cumso.
"He carries politeness too far," re
plied Cawker.
"I did not think that was possible."
"Well, I've known him to remove his
hat when talking over the telephone to
a lady."
Her Preference.
Clara Don't yon like to get out In
the woods on your knees where you can
examine the beauties of nature?
Maud I'd rather get on some one
else's knees.
Needy Indeed.
"Can't yer help a poor man dat Is
wldout money?" whined the rusty Indl
vldual on the sidewalk.
"But how do I know that you art
without money?" demanded the pros
perous citizen.
"Ho t jrr kr.os:? Why, csn't yer
ee I don't wear a panania hat?"
The Trouble.
Itoan What's the matter with the
mare?
Sorrel She's mad because she think--her
hat isn't on straight.
A Good Imitation of Hucceaa.
Frederick Poor Felix, he Is a sad
denltig failure!
Eugene Failure? He has got near
ly through life without ever doing a
day's work.
If the Truata Continue.
Jones Is beef stili rising?
Brown Ys: soon a porterhouse wil'
os I as much as a dwelling bouse.
A Different Matter.
The Beauty B-but you told papa yot
could k-kecp nie In the style I was ac
customed to.
The Beast So I could, dear. It li
the frequent changing of the slylei
thnt breaks me.
Terrible Rarer.
Gunner They say that fatal autotno
bile In New York was shaped like
ilgsr.
Gnyer Well. If It had been shapec
likn a cigarette there would hav
heen some excuse for It killing people
Jnaf the Looba,
"I wish you wouldn't seal your an
iKMincement cards," said young Jones
"Why notr asked the tailor.
"Because my landlady thinks the)
ire bills. It hurts my credit"
Deliver tla from Oar Friends,
"1 didn't know they were engaged.'
"They wern't; but their friends do
bled It would be a splendid match, at
there was nothing else for them to do.'
Canny Paupers Had
Fat Bank Account
Whether the town or State shall take
action to recover nearly $l.'-'Ht said to
be on deposit In a Ware, Mass., bant
to the credit of a family that has beeu
receiving pauper rations from the town
for ten year Is bothering the authorN
ties lu Puiiinr.
A..r .s t'ie town Is concerned It
has lost m tliU.g by the transaction and
It is not likely to. unless it may b
some expense Incliietital to au attempt
that ill be made to recover the money
for tlie commonwealth, which has re-i
imbmscd the town for the charity
doled nut.
It has been learned that there i
something over Jl.X) owned in Ware
by tliis family, which has been get'
ting week after week orders on busi
ness men, so that annually the bill
footed up to amounts between $50 and
$so.
The case first tame to the attention
of the Palmer overseers as far back aa
lXiJ and since then aid has been giv
en regularly after It was found that th
family was a State charge, and thai
the town was merely acting as agent
for the State In giving assistance.
Humors that occasionally reached
the ears of the officials ended with the
Investigations and legal advice waa
taken In the matter.
The legal opinion was solicited in the
question as to whether it is for the
town or the State to take action; and
the answer was that there being no
action of contract between the State
and the family it seems Incumbent on
the town, to take It up with a clause
specifying that the attempt to recover
the money Is to be made In behalf of
the State.
It was suggested, says the New York
Herald, that If the family got an idea
of the Intention the money would bo
withdrawn, but even if tills was done
it Is believed there will remain Just
as strong a case of obtaining money
tinder false pretenses.
CRANBERRY GROWING.
Fruit Crop thnt Kertiire Capital for
Its Culture.
Cranberry growers of the United
States had to their credit last year a
crop of 1,W0,kki bushels. Of the va
ried Industries that have shown unusu
al results there are none with a more
notable record, for the crop of 1IKK) was
5K),(JX) bushels. These facts mean that
the owners of the cranberry bogs have
received nearly $1,"00,XX). Cranberry,
raising Is an Industry which, despite
the popularity of the fruit, has com
manded small attention from others
than those directly Interested. Capital
Is an absolute necessity to engage In It
successfully, as a productive bog costs
from $300 to $500 an acre to bring tot
a state of profitable bearing.
In September the cranberry harvest
begins, although October may more
properly be called the harvest month;
When the section of the bog where the
picking Is to sUirt Is selected It is di
vided Into rows, the boundary lines be
ing marked by stout twine running the
entire !f!!ln "f He section. These rows
vary in width from two to three feet.
A row is assigned to a picker.who must
strip the vines therein thoroughly lic
fore he is allowed to change to atiothert
row. The method ot removing the ber
ries from the vines is simple and exJ
pedltions. The picker places his fing
ers slightly spread apart beneath thn
vine, or bush, close to the ground, a!
liilck upward movement, and his bandd
have stripped the vine of its fruit.
The cranberry bog blossoms In Juno
and It is its appearance at this tag4
of growth that gives the berry It
name. Just before expanding Into per
fect flower the stem, calyx and petal
resemble the neck, head and bill of aj
crane. Hence the name "craueberry,''
Which usage has shortened to "cran
berry." Overcrowding In london.
A committee of the Ixuidon County
Council has recently studied the ques
tion of overcrowding, based on the cen-,
sum of 1!K)1. Tell years previously, bf
1S!)J, K.'51,WS persons were living In 14.V
811 lodgings of less than five rooms,
giving an average of 2.IHI persons pen
room. In Wl, 7t!,o!ni persons werr
living lu 124,77't dwellings of less than
Ave pHiins, giving mi average of
persons per room. In lS'.il there wern
'fOM.'.HK dwellings of five rooms or nmrJ
to the population of l.K.S!i.475, or (l.lC
M-rsons per dwelling. In l'JOl there
were :W7,5I dwellings of five rooms or
more to a population of 2.' iHii.T." er
ons, or six persons per dwelling. On
the whole, then, the figures show s
slight Improvement In the situation.
Will of an Kecentrio Man.
A rich and eccentric man who died
ihe other day lu Berlin left a will which
was to Im ocned Immediately and a
codicil to Ikj opened after the funeral.
The will said: "Kvery iiiemlier of my
family who shaft abstain from attend
ing my funeral Is to receive 300 marks."
As a result the funeral was attended
by his housekeeKT, a distant cousin.
On the codicil being ocned It whs
found to enact that the residue of his
fortune was to tie divided among those,
who, notwithstanding the loss of the
tOO marks, attended his funeral. Hence
the housekeewr gets all; but the heir
threaten to dispute the will.
Piscatorial Trothrnlneaa.
"Fish will do singular things," says
a local conteniMirary. But nobody ever
beard of a fish's lying about the slse of
the man that caught It Detroit Free
Press.
You would never know bow Impor
tant some men art If they didn't Inform
yoa.
ncati mew
