Vmi BILL d 3 2 t? The Hobo Chant. r HO wouldn't be ' a hobo, All free from care and worry? Who would be a hobo, That's never in a hurry? Who wouldn't be a hobo? Who wcu'.Jn't be a hobo. Always hummin' chuck? Who wouldn't be a hobo, A'trustin' all ter luck? Who wouldn't be a hobo? Who wouidn t be a hc'oo? He's the cipher uv the earth. Who wouldn't be a hobo, Either sad, or full uv mirth? Who wouldn't be a hobo? ? Who wouldn't be a hobo. With a rummy leokiu' nose Who wouldn't be a hobo. That's known as dusty clothes? Who wouldn't be a hobo? "That's the chant the hobos had down on the bank uv the river the other afternoon," said Uncle Bill. "Shake Rag will be noted hereafter as a con vention village, as we were honored by the Light Prestage brigade who had their campfire built au' was proceedin' ter draft a set uv resolutions, jest as I dropped down on 'em." "Did they recognize you as one of their fraternity?" asked the editor. "Yes, they accepted me as one uv 'em, 'fore I could explain, so I thought I'd carry out the joke on myself an' see what was goin' on," continued Uncle Bill. "Then they said 'interduce yer self. brother.' I told 'em I was known as Shaggs, out in the Klondike, where gold was plenty, an" say! every hobo took off his hat ter me an' bade me welcome." "How many were there?" asked the editor. "Six besides myself," replied Uncle Bill. "There was 'Dusty Jim,' got his name 'cause he could kick up more dust along the highway than eny man what ever come over the griddle. He used ter own a cattle ranch out in Kansas, hut the beef trust give him the wrong steer an' put him on the 'hog.' "Tinker Peter used ter own a jewelry tore in Elgin, III., an' some feller run away with his wife an then Pete ran away with himself an' never was head ed off ontil he fetched up in the garb uv a tramp. He gits lots uv flxen watches an' clocks ter do, an' as soon as he gits a little cash on hand he goes ter a saloon an' starts in ter fix his troubles. 'Grubby Chuckles' has a father back East somewhere who's rich, but he don't know 'Grubby' eny more, "cause he's goin' ter give him a lesson with experience as a teacher. The last letter he wrote ter 'Grubby' he told him that the only thing he ever need look for from him agin was advice, t "Then there was 'Weary Camp. He always had that tired feelin' and' It was an awful job fur him ter carry It 'round with him, but he said he never could unload it. '"Trucky Rider' got his name from jumpin' under the cars onto a truck an' passin' himself 'round the different parts uv the country. " 'Pica Rule' kept the gang with the news, as he would bum exchanges from the printing offices. I see that they was a jovial set uv loafers, an" as they had nothin' in sight ter eat, I told 'em that I would appoint myself a committee ter prepare the banquet feast. So I started an' went over home an' got a basketful nv grub, which consisted uv coffee, bread an' butter, eggs, doughnuts an' sich like an' say yer ought ter uv seen 'em look with wonder at the lay-out I brought tbem. The tomato cans begun ter rattle an' every one was makin' his coffee. They wanted ter know how I got it an' I told 'em that I had been a 'grub' gitter all my life, an' always expected ter be. Sometimes yer see a feller can tell the truth without lyin'. " "Yes. truth is stranger than tramps at times," remarked the editor. "What did their resolutions contain?" "Wall, after they got through eatin' they commenced on resolutions, an' they drafted a set as would make a con gressman quit his job. 'Pica Rule' be In' the best scholar among 'em. set ter work ter put them into a legible form an' here they are." said Uncle Bill, as he handed a parchment roll to the edi tor with the remark, '"tain't very good writin'." The editor took the manuscript, eyed it curiously for a moment, then pro ceeded to open it. and as he djd so he exclaimed, "Whereas!" "Yes, that's the start uv it," asented Uncle Bill, and as the editor hesitated, said, "Let me take it. I can read It" The editor passed it back to Uncle Bill, who commenced with: "Whereas, the Royal Hobos of Amer ica are now choosin' delegates fur King Edward's coronation, an' "Whereas, King Edward Is the roy alistest hobo what ever lived he never worked, an' never will, therefore be it "Resolved, That we in national as semblage shall choose one uv our most royal hobo to represent ns at his cor onation; an further be It "Resolved, That the delegate so chos en must have a royal record, 1. e.: never baa worked an' never will, so as ter he on an equal footing with his highness, an' bis family uv mendicants, now feed In' off or the fat uv the land, who never worked an' never will. An' be It "Resolved, That we petition congress to appropriate a sum sufficient fur the .royal maintenance ut the hoboa, who ao loyally, without visible means uv sffgport, sustain royalty in this country, u wq hw worked an' never will. An' fcs K farther "KMoivea. That If In a weak moment Mjr wf m have ever stooped to work Hi ot ci shall at tfca corona-1-1 Wnri i parte, for L wmti a stay as ev Lpf ECSArt iwaa w vention we shall choos from our royal assemblage a king uv hobos who shall preside over our royal family uv hobos, an' do the principal part uv the gam blin', as we are too busy bumniin' chuck ter waste our precious moments in such idle nonsense. "Resolved. That President Roosevelt is too strenuous entertaining foreign royalty, when he so sadly neglects bis royal hobos at home "Resolved, That we sing the Hoho Chant an' adjourn fur the purpose uv huntln' our royal budwoirs." "Then they sun another verse uv the chant." said Uncle Bill, "which I jotted down, an' it runs like this:" " 'Who would'nt be a hobo, Lookin' for a quiet still? Who wouldn't be a hobo Ni-vvr work, an' never will? - Who wouldn't be a hobo?' "After singin' that verso they ten dered 'Shaggs' a vote uv thanks fur their banquet an' wandered in different directions lookin' fur some royal place ter sleep," remarked Uncle Bill. "This country don't take care uv its royalty like Europe does." And as he started out the familiar refrain, "Who wouldn't," etc., etc., seemed to follow him. FAULTS OF PRONUNCIATION. Maltreatment of Various Words in thi English Language. London Chronicle: A correspondent points out that our pronunciatlor. (which is too often "pronounciation") has its faults. It is only too true, and "Gibraltaer" is a rock on which many split. "Heighth" is a common mlstakt and a few months ago thousands oi people were convinced that they wert in "Febuary." Not one man in e hundred calls an isthmus anything but an "ismus." And "aerated"! The maltreatment of that word demands f common injury. But there have beer heard such common fractures as "aereated" and "aeriorated." Aftei that "diptheria." which merely lose an "h," is a mild case. Foreigners, however, may be excus ed, since their mistakes are usuallj cue to a superfluity of conscience. Oni may sympathize with a Frenchman whe puts faith in any rule as to the pronun ciation of "ough." The plural of "po tato" may have no terrors for him, but set him to pronounce this sentence, in vented by Punch: "A rough-coated dough-faced ploughman strode, cough ing and hiccoughing thoughtfullj through the streets of Scarborough.' The foreigner who could take that feticf would deserve Immediate naturalizatior as he alighted. In regard to the popular pronuncia tion of "Berkshire," "Derby," anc 'clerk," a correspondent reminds ut that the late Professor Freeman dis cussed the question some twenty yean ago In the nineteenth century. Pro fessor Freeman's view was, that it did not matter whether we say "Bark shire" or "Burkshire," since both are equally wrong. He supposed that tht original and proper sound of the first syllable was the same as that beard ic "berry" or "Berwick," when they are not pronounced, as they are in many provincial district, "burry" and "Bur rick." If you take a Scotsman unawares he will invariably revert to the original and proper "Bairkshire" and "clairk." FIRE-FEOOF RAILWAY CARS. What Prussian Government Official! Are Seeking to Accomplish. Harper's Weekly: The managers of American railways might, to their own great advantage as well as that of their patrons, take a leaf out of the book of the government railway control of Prussia. These o" cials have ordered that experiments should be made look ing toword the substitution upon the 30.000 miles of railroads which they operate of noncombustible cars for the more or less inflammable boxes In which the public are now transferred from place to place. The steel trucks are. of course, already comparatively safe from destruction by fire, but the Construction Vl tQs BUptriouuuun; Ot these coaches has always been of such a nature as to be something of a men ace to the traveler's safety. The walls and floor3 and general trim of passen ger cars have ordinarily been con structed of wood that are peculiarly inflammable, and the use of oils in their cleansing and decoration has in tensified the danger. The Prussian facts, are to be in the direction ot mak ing floors and walls oi materials chem ically treated so as to make them non combustible, and of the construction of seats stuffed with fire-proof cocoanu; fiber and having asbestos coverings. It is an important step and in the right direction; and in a country like our own, where there is so much more travel and a correspondingly greater duty for conssrvin gthe security of the traveling public over more than 180,000 miles of road-bed, it would seem as if it would be a wise precedent for the rail way authorities to follow. As a rule our railways are exceptionally well managed, and the traveler In the Un Ited States gets a vast amount of com fort and convenience at a very slight personal risk, but the further step to ward the making of fire-proof coaches would serve to greatly reduce that risk to a minimum which would amount al most to its total extinction. In Vienna every man's home is bis dungeon from 10 p. m. to a. m. Vienna Is a city of flats, and r.t 10 p. m. the common entrance door of each block Is closed and bolted. Thereafter persons passing in or out must pay a line of 2d to the concierge until mldnlgtu, and 4d from tbat hour to 6 a. m. To go out to post a letter costs 2d, and tbe same amount to return. To prolong a visit to a friend after 10 p. m. means 2d to get out of his bouse and 2d more to enter you own. A natural result of this irritating tax Is tnat of all capita) cities Vienna Is earliest to bed. Sermon vs. Millinery. She Why, I thought the sermon re markably short I'm surprised that you should consider it long. He But I wasn't wearing a new bon net to church for the first time, with the consciousness ' at all the other at It, falls! ODD TAIL OF EGYPTIAN GREYHOUND. Striking and remarkable i3 the draw ing of a greyhound that is one of the surprising finds of the last year in Egypt. The astonishing feature of this drawing is the curious knoblike ending of the tail, clearly defined and portray ed, which gives a vivid glimpse of the strange und hitherto unknown type of animal. This ball-like termination of the tail is a puzzle to scientists, who are un able to account for or to trace its origin. A noteworthy outcome of this find is the iact that the existence of the pure type of greyhound is pushed back to greater antiquity than was supposed. This illustration of the animal is con sidered to be the oldest In existence, and was executed some 5,000 years ago. CLOCK MADE Probably the moat elaborate floral piece In the world is the great flower clock in the public park in Detroit. It consists of a great green base, with a huge clock dial, perfect in every detail, some seven feet in diameter. The var ious dials and the hours are laid out accurately, Including the hands. I he floral clock is a permanent em blem throughout the summer months. Tim thousands of flowers which cot- - pose it are all living. Taey tie planted early each spring in the great base of earth. The clock is never taken apart for repairs until tbe late fall. It takes THE LION OF ajUI.O.aSB! bums Of the many treasures discovered in the East by the German expedition, of which Dr. Robert Koldeway is the lead er, not one is or more interest man tne Hon recently unearthed In the palce of King Nebuchadnezzar, It is fashioned of many-colored glaz ed tiles, in the form of a mosaic, and Is regarded as one of the choicest speci mens of that kind oi art tbat has ever been found. Mons of this type used to adorn the outer and Inner walls of East A BROKEN PITCHER. It was found on an elaborate wall paint ing on one of the royal tombs near Thebes. The tomb was that of one of the famous Thebeau kings, who reigned from 2800 to 3000 B. C. The monarch was a great sportsman and the walls of the spacious interior of his burial chamber were highly ornamented with hunting scenes. The king 1b depicted several times, a'ong with his favorite greyhounds, on hunting expeditions. Antelopes Reem to have been the raost hunted of all wild game at this early period. They are frequently shown being pursued by the greyhounds and hunters with long spears. It is, however, as a wonderful type of that dog and a marked variation of the usual type that is of especial interest to naturalists and fanciers. OF FLOWERS. tour expert gardeners the greater part of a month to construct the great emblem. The flowers are selected from a great assortment, and more than 5,000 sepa rate plants are required to completed cover the base. These are arranged with greatest care, so that the colors will be In striking contrast. The var ious parts of the face, may be recog nized for a considerable distance. Even when the flowers have been care fully planted the clock requires con stant care. The plants must be trimmed almost daily to keep the face clear and distinct. BABYLON. ern palaces, and were also often placed in front of the outer doors, presumably because their grim aspect enabled them to perform admirably the duty of watchman. As Nebuchadnezzar resigned during the sixth century before Christ, this novel work of art must be at least 2,400 years old. It was In fragments when the German explorer found it, but all the pieces were recovered, and It was not difficult to place them In thc-lr orig inal positions. Representative Babcock of Wisconsin shaved off his luxuriant black beard the other morning and the doorkeepers refused to admit him to the floor of the house until he had been Identified. Mr. Uabcock had not been shaved before In 15 years and as he walked down the aisle toward bis seat the members looked searchlngly at blm, many fall ing to recognize their colleague because of the absence of bis whiskers. Of the last two hundred grand vlzcers of tbe aultan of Turkey not more than 24 have died naturally. One hundred of them were poisoned and 66 of the others were either beheaded or drowned in the Botpborus. Of the remaining 40 tbe cause of death cannot be traced. One of the vision was only four hours in office, and another occupied tbe position , for only 10 minutes, being strangled a us end oi uat time. QUERIES. If mon re living on m tr I wonder how thins arc un r I)o f;thlon make tlie And do advcrttHt'int'iita Mnrt'.n deceive'.' Io agents for dramatic rot Assert they have what they have not Are jewels lost to boom a sliow? Ar scandals told to make ti:-n go. Have they the peg-top trousers then-? And trailing skirts do women wear? Do s'rls for wealth and till - strive. Uec-ause of which divorce coums thrive. Does glitter there the mind enchant? And have they much of foolish cunt? Is all their nympathy for foe. If-gardless of their soldiers woes? Do they court-martial men who ntht, And claim the foe is always right .' Do wheelmen there forsret the ll(?ht Aa they go scorching through the night? Do automobiles wildly race At most unlawful, frightful pace? And are the people up tn Mars Forever dodging trolley cars? And are they ruled In politics By shamelens demagogic tricks? Do men at times reforms promote, And for reform forget to vote? Po thetr assessors need an ax To part the rich man from his tax? Do men combine, by some device, To put the food at higher price? Well. 1f these things they do not do. 'd like to go there wouldn't you? Klliott Flower in lirooklyn Eale. ON A PARTY LINE. BY JEAN'N'RTTE II A HERMANN" WALWORTH. (Copyright, 1901, by Authors' Syndicate.) "N UMBER?" Short, incisive, per emptory. ' "Three hundred and two three rings, please." Courte ous, musical, shy. The trumpet holder could not quite divest herself of the idea that the giv- ng of Miss Jemima Bolton's number would reveal to a lot of giKgling ex change girls and from thence to the entire town that she, Uabriclla Mathe- hon, wanted to ask Miss Jemima when she would be ready to fit the wedding gown now under her skilled scissors. Hello well well," Miss Bolton s shrill soprano in sharp staccato. vveil it certainly was not. Across Miss Bolton's shrill response to her summons the wires were weaving strange words in a deep melodious voice that she knew and knew she loved, and recognizing no one's super ior right to its tender utterances, she applied herself to capture the words traveling over the party line. "Well," bawled Mis Jemima, with a note of exhausted patience in her voice, 'who wants 302?" My precious, don't you get cross with your faithful old Steve. You know J can explain everything to your entire satisfaction." Through the warp of Miss Bolton's importunate "wells" shot the woof of lover-like protestations. Party line tel ephones have tragic possibiltles. "This evening. Theo. I'll make it all right. Yours truly, Steve." Oh, me. Oh, my. Why was I ever born? Why were telephones ever In vented? Who Is that horrid Theo. any way? I never knew he knew any Theo. I might as well ring Miss Bolton off. It doesn't make a particle of difference about my wedding dress now. I shall never marry, never, never." The trumpet waa still glued to her ear. The light that glittered in her blue eyes was not love-born. Her heart whispered, defensively, that there might be some mistake. She shook the trumpet as If it alone were responsible for all her misery. Mistake? She mistake Stephen Wade's voice? Traitor! She supposed men were all alike deceitful, unrelia ble, hateful. She was done with them forever, and having disposed of the of fending sex with one sweep of her will she hung up the trumpet and sat down to weep. ! She felt vaguely comforted by the re flection that when Stephen came to pay his regular visit that night he could easily perceive by tbe size of her nose and the tinting of her eyelids how deep iv nis ireaencry nad sunken into her trusting soul. Between that bitter moment of tele phonic detection and the coming of her lover she tasked her brain to supply her with oorne cunning device by which she might bring him to confusion, herself remaining on the exalted pinnacle of In Jurpii innocence. Ms last Impressions of her. after she had told blm good-bye witn dignity, must be of her superior ity to all womankind, inclusive of his horrid Theo. She would open the discussion with a general dissertation on the imprudence or confiding guilty love secrets to the telephone and, by interweaving the name of Theo artfully, she could smite him hip and thigh. He was quite handsome and Jolly enough to innpire any girl with jealous love, but Gabriella Matheson houedshe was not reduced to the necessity of ac cepting a fraction of a lover. , If he was that Theo's "faithful old Steve," that Theo was cuite welcome to him. Scanning her pretty, flushed face with his great honest gray eyes when he came at the usual hour that evening, Steve retained her coldly proffered hand to say: "You've been crying, sweet heart. What's up? Wedding dress a mieflt or gloves too small? Tel Its poor old faithful Steve what troubles It." She drew her hand out of his warm clasp with tragic vehemence. "Tbc-re it goes again. Oh, Stephen, how can you be so so de de ce eeltful? I never would have believed it of you. I did trust you so imnlicltlv "Did?" Calmly divesting himself of bli mahogany-colored gloves he In formed himself thst he was in for a stormy session. He seated himself M near bis lady-love as she would permit under ibe strained situation and re marked, composedly: "Give me a tip, Bella, my darling, ao' I can catch on and say my little part. I've got no cue, you see." "Don't exasperate me, Stephen. You know I'm not the sort of woman to let anybody wipe the earth up with her" "Yes, of course; no, of course I mean. But then I have never experi enced the slightest desire tn m.w. . foorroop of my mopsy-wopty petay- -; glared at him. "1 do wish knew if ti.u are " ill H'iii " rJ.vo me fli be r-ri'-r.t A " . and eay tbey arc Well, what of It ... . . von .IT" scare of the fact tint 1 have u V 1- n:m-, .u. Preitv much everybody has cowa- ,);.,, I believe," On a arty line -K.onoinl'al but(fc0nfuslng. "Very uinftisinE" Socially when tin-re is a traitor at one end and a Then at the other. Traiiors are not good things to have ut anv end of anv line.' I should uf; nor Theo's either. Oh I heard ycUWhen. 1 wiih ?had not No Idrt't. It Is much bel-iaveDr?muVhe-..rh It should all Uvt. com;- ot.t 'kI(o-o .n.-tcad of AlUT "Yepf'iut what s-.rt of sr. Irruption is coming out arid on who'" "Disruption, Stephen, yem had bettr Stephen lauphed-a heartless iro ceedl K but the t ta of It lingered in hit eyes long after his lips had taken on the- most melancholy curves. "I hate to be laughed at, but I sup pose you and your Tbeo will have no end of fun at my expense when you go to see her to explain everything to her entire satisfaction. c. i,,. r.nhrielia. a rnnn must love a woman a tremendous lot to stand this ort of thing without a kick. Have you not faith at ail In me.' "Oh repeat it. I heard you ask her that very question this morning." "But I can explain everything satis factorily." , ... "So I heard you (ell her. Vs, I did, Stephen, you need not try to deny It Stephen got up with dignified com posure and began drawing on his gloves in stern silence. If her very damp handkerchief had not Intervened she might have delected the smile lurking under his m'ltitache. "Stephen, will you deny that you talked to Theo somebody over the tel ephone this morning?" "No; I don't deny it." "Or that you called yourself her poor old Steve?" "Dont deny that, either." "Or that you begged her to trust you?" "Correct" "Because you could explain every thing to her entire satisfaction?" "Correct again." "Well?" "Well, good-night. Gabriella." And he was actnally gone. Gone without one word of explanation- The next morning a mysterious parcel was de livered by express at Miss Gabriella Matheson's door. It wag accompanied by a note from Stephen Wade. A note which began and ended somewhat ab ruptly. "I told you I had a comical wedding present for you. Her name Is Theo. She la a wonderful linguist I hope she will say her little piece like a good girl. On the other page you will find a for mula for starting Theo's tongue. She was given to me by a married roan, who says he found her invaluable during the honeymoon and that the man who gave her to him said the game. Theo's mission in life Is to show newly-married men how like parrots they can con duct themselves." "Parrots?" Mlse Matheeon drew oft the heavy bagging that she had left about her bulky wedding present until she should decide if Steve's note waa sufficiently apologetic to admit of a reconciliation. "So Theo Is a parrot?" Hearing herself called by name tbe uncanny bird snapped viciously at her new mistress and shrilled out her cat echism. "Don't talk to me, sir. Don't come near me. Tretty hour of the night for a newly married man to be coming home." 'Twixt laughter and sobs Gabriella turned to the second page of her lover's note. Q. 1 she asked: "Haven't you any faith at all in your poor old Steve?" "I detest you, sir. I am going home to my mother. Yes, I am this very day." "But, Theo, I can explain everything satkfactorily." , "Don't gpe&k to me, Blr; don't come near me." Gabriella shuddered and loe'ted at the feathered monitor with aversion. Did she herself contain such hateful possi bilities? She rushed to the telephone and called up her fiance: "Stevey.' she called, In repentnt tones. A Jolly laugh came to her over the wires. "Stevey, please don't he haWtil. If you'll just send here and take this hor rid thing away from me I'll promise you faithfully never to say the parrot's catechism as Jong as I am your wife " "Sorry I can't oblige you. (b-ar but I m under contract for Thea's board anil lodging until rny next chum needs lr services. Havo I explained everything to your satisfaction?" "Ye-es. but I hate your Tb'o as bad ly a I did before." "Theo Is your patron safety saint. Sho him come to May." And Theo stayed, but as the old formula fell ni innocuous d'wtude Gabriella had In give her fresh legions. The new parrot's eplKtlo made for peace and harmony in thit pretty n(. home to which Ste-hen Wade ioon afr conducted his bride- YACHTMEN'S HTJMOE. Anything But Humorous, However to Persons Chiefly Concerned ' Pearson's Magazine: There ! , fund of dry humor in th. VkTppr yachts. I remember a erv fit rtifihln? up to tho skipper of Ty thwmaklng good wes'lT.' "Oh captain, captain!" Md y. ..b wmppentomelftheysoht "Oh, you'll float sllrlght, r . you have to do I. A ki"1' r' . trick of the Atlantic liners sink one of 'cm." ' 7m mlk' A?aln I recollect' dWly brM. , away rrom a yfccht lying roadstead, T " s Pat on nasty tlds Zi U ,h mm, BKipper," J he mak a mistake he'i : " "An' t ha Is, ,ir and the dinghy cost 10 Z wretsry Root, announces hi. Won to the converting of rlrtT Henry tuo a public park.