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About Harrison press-journal. (Harrison, Nebraska) 1899-1905 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 19, 1901)
HI Pictorial Bumor SI SWOP DIDN'T WANT ANY STALE. INFLUENCE or FOOD. From the Pitt burg Gazette: "What do you think of tbe theory that food has a potent influence in determining character?" asked Mr. Smithfleld, as lie put three lumps of sugar in his cot in i a "I guess it's all right," replied Mr. Wood as he severed a portion of his beefsteak.. "It always seems a little -Xflnniballbtlc to me when you order lobster." "Well," retorted Mr. Smithfleld, good humoredly, "I ought to have known it was dangerous to lend you money after I discovered your fondness for beets But, seriously, If there were anything in the theory, wouldn't it make a man sheepish to eat mutton?" "It would, and prize fighters ought to restrict ' themselves to a diet ol scraps," A Difficult Tank: Mrs. von Blummer That cook was the worst thing I ever had in my house. Von Blummer Yes, you acted as if you didn't like her. "I couldn't help It. Why, it was all I could do to write her out a good rec ommendation." Life. Young Housekeeper Have you some fine salt? Grocer Yes, ma'am. Young Housekeeper Is it fresh? THE O.NLY ONE TIIERF. In the office of a justice of the peace In Memphis a white man was being tried a few days ago for assault and battery. A small negro, the man's hired boy, was on the witness stand testifying for the defendant. "Tell the court, boy, all you know of this affair," said the squire. "Well, Judge, you see hit wuz dis away. Dat man dere," indicating the plaintiff, "wuz in my boss's office t'other day and dey kummenced qual lln' over sumthin ernother, en dat man he rip out en call my boss en ole bal'-headed scound'el!" "Are you sure," asked the J. P., "that the man was addressing your employer? Was there no one else in the room?" "Yes, Jedge, dere wuz oder folks dere 'sides us, but I knows my boss wuz de only ba'l-headed scound'el in de office." When an optimist breaks his leg he rejoices that it isn't his neck. Antomohlllnt; Eiposed. From the Brooklyn Eagle: "How any horse-power is your automo bile?" Inquired the man in the dog cart. "Ten horse and two men," responded the owner. "The 10-horse power runs It on the level roads, and my chauffeur tnd I get out and push it up the aills." Mrs. Oulnnivoice I never have any -.rouble with baby. I've only to sing him an3 he goes right off to seep. Iff.-.. t)l. .. TI'V,.,. 1. I .. V. U -1 I CASTING A REFLECTION. Husband Who was it that said "M Wife It was evidently some one an is a little lower than the angels?" with a very poor opinion of angels. HER IDEA. to ' He Politicians frequently epend the wholo night playing poker. She Maybe that accounts for the deals we read so much about. Misconstrued. A Hoaton Diplomat. Her Father Well, sir, what can I do Mother "Waldo, I regret to say that tor you? I must spank you." Her Lover I er called to see If Waldo "It would be Inadvisable, roucr would give assent to my mother. Medical authorities are agreed narrlage to your daughter." "Pon the danger of concussion in the Her Father Not a cent, sir; not a neighborhood of the base of the spine." tent, dood day! Boston Transcript. Cause nf tha Divorce). Smart Mot Choice. Mr. Snaggs The leaves are leaving, Charles--"This Is terrible, dcah boy. my dear. I really believe this sausage Is made of Mrs. Snaggs Is there anything odd common dog meat." ibout that? Reginald "Bali Jove, Its an out Mr, 8naRgs Yes, In the spring it rage! If they must use dog meat tbey ru the trees that were leaving. should limit It to French poodles." Qolta Literal. Two View of It. "What have you got that sign, Mrs. B. "Don't you think a woman Hands Off.' posted ouUlde your works ought to keep tab on her husband?" Jor?" asked the curious Individual. Mm. C "Some women, perhaps; but 'Because," returned the Jocular mill r never mend my husband's shirt," rwaer. "my men are on strike." Philadelphia Bulletin. I THE VICTOR. A year ago I held a maiden's hand: Twas white and Bllm and delicately planned; She gave me a red rose; last night 1 saw Her at the altar with another stand. He looked at me as victors look at those Who lie defeated, bleeding from their blows She hfcld a bunch of flowers In her hand, But on her breast wag fastened a red rose. Flight of Funrr. "Children," said the teacher, while Instructing the class In composition "you should not attemnt anv flights o fancy, but simply be yourselves, rfnd write what Is in you. Do not iml tate any other person's writings o draw Inspiration from outsid sou rces." As a result of this advice Johnny Vise turned In the following composl tlon: "We should not attempt any flites of fancy, but rite what is in us. In me there is my stummlck. lungs, hart. liver, two apples, one piece of pie, one stick of lemon candy and my dinner. The Scot'n Knply. A young man, contemplating matrl monlal felicity, took his fair intended to the home of his parents that she might be introduced to the old folks. "This is my future wife," said the young mnn proudly, turning to pater familias, who was a canny Scot. "Now, fattier, tell me candidly, what you think of her." The old man eyed the blushing bride elect critically for fully two minutes, then answered, with deliberation: "Well, John, I can only say you have shown much better taste than she has." a- I. V". !EW5I Keaann for Borrow. Teddy I wished I hadn't licked Jimmy Brown this morning. Mamma You see now how wrong It was, don't you, dear? Teddy Yes, 'cause I didn't know till noon that he was going to give a party. London Tit-Bits. Natural (Joarj. Mill Owner My business runs like clockwork. Walking Delegate With a strike try now and then. r:'. fids pie&sa.rtlyj Acts BerxeficiaJlyi (ictsitrvjly asa.Laxaiiver. Syrup of Figs appeals to the cultured and the well-informed and to the healthy, because its com ponent parts are simple and wholesome and be cause it acts without disturbing the natural func tions, as it is wholly free from every objectionable quality or suDstance. in ine process vi manufacturing figs are used, as they are pleasant to the taste, but the medicinal virtues of Syrup of Figs are obtained from an excellent combination of plants known to be medicinally laxative and to act most beneficially. To get its beneficial effects buy the genuine manufactured by the 4 i Louisville, Ky, for fioie. by.M drui'sts Sa.r' F"rrcisco. Cl. . new YorK,n.Yv Price-fifty certs per-bottl. He who would catch fish must not mind getting wet. PfA permanently cnrpd. Wo (IMor nerroainacfl after f 1 1 v flntt day'n uba of Dr. Kline'n Ureat Nerve Rstor- Sendfor FliKK 2 IH trial bottle nnd treatlK. Da. B- H. Kldiii, Ltd., 931 Arch Street, l'hlliulelphlm, fa. Many a man is able to climb to success because his wite holds tne lauuer. ALL IIP-TO-IJATE HOUSEKEEPERS Use Red Cross Ball Blue. It makes -clothes clean and sweet as when now. All grocers. The woman who loves you is more dangerous than the woman who hates you. ALL CP TO DATE HOUSEKEEPERS use Defiance Cold Water Starch, because it is Duller ana 4 oz. more of It for tame money. Ppw mn flnrl llfo nno crnnrl cttrnot song because they are unable to sing it. DEFIANCE STARCH should be In everv household, none bo Rood, besides 4 oz. more for 10 cents than any other brand of cold water starch. Occasionally a small boy tries to keep clean so he won't have to be washed. Don't Trlllo With Rhnamatlam. Use MATT J. JOHNSON'S 6088. Cures quickly, safely and permanently. When Satan employs idle hands the work is always well done. FLORIDA SPECIAL Via Rig Four Route Chicago to Jacksonville and St. Au gustine. Effective Jan. 6, 1902, the "Big Four" will operate through Pull man sleepers from Chicago and In dianapolis to Jacksonville and St. Au gustine, via Cincinnati, Queen & Cres cent, Sou. R'y, Plant System and Fla. East Coast Ry., leaving Chicago at 1 p. m., daily, except Sunday. Dining and observation cars. For full in formation address J. C. Tucker, Gen. Nor. Agt., 234 Clark street, Chicago; Warren J. Lynch, G. P. & T. A., or W. P. Deppe, A. Q. P. & T. A., Cincin nati, O. The soldiers of tho United States army, who receive $13 a month, are best paid in the world. Mrs. Wlnrlow i Koofhinc yrnp. r'orchlldren teettt'nsr Boftenthe K'ims, reduce lp famwatlua, allays paia.curoa wludcollc gjuabottle- In North Carolina and Louisiana only three persons out of every four can read and write. The Hitiutt Lwuiiilry. There is no reason why the clothes cleaned at home cannot be ironed up to the same standard of excellence that comes from sending them to the laun dry. All that is necessary to attain the desired object Is the purchase of a package of Defiance starch at any grocery. Use it once and you will un derstand why clothes ironed at the laundries have that mild, glossy ap pearance. All first-class laundries use Defiance starch. If there is no grocery in your neighborhood that keeps it they will send for It on request Made by the Magnetic Starch Co., Omaha, Neb. Very few men can bring common sense to the consideration of a prop osition because of conceit; every man thinks he can succeed where another man will fall. Everything comes to the man who waits on himself. Soldiers in the Italian army are each allowed half a gallon of wine every week. air lis 1313 Farnam St., Omaha, Representatives for STEIINWAY and other standard Pianos. SI68.00 buys a new upright Piano, fully guaranteeu on $5.00 Pnyments. Call or write for catalogue and particulars. SHU FOR SALE CHOICE SIOOTH USDS fa Thomas County. Eanaaa nltable for Rmall Grain, Cattle Kalalng and Poultry, never falling water, perfectly healtby climate, tJood Schnoli,Churche and Uallroad facilities Writ for partlculnrs and prices statins about what yoa want. lilt. llttai,!, voiDy, Vor JHnr Than a Qnnrter of a f Vntnry thfl repotnUon of W. I rvonpttaa fft.ooand ii.bo sh-ies tur style, comfort and near nan exuvJieci all other uiakeH Vtid ht Uivm tUv. This excellent rppuintion liaa teen won y merit ftlonn. W. 1,. DoiiKla Mk-M'S have to inve Ixfttcr BuOMai-Mot) than oilier t.ooand $;uo ihoci because km rcputaiioa lur the btst ii.uo and $3.00 shoes uiutl be luainljiinwl. tSuUl fy fl.? Dm-qla Rtorei in Amtriran filing filing direct from factory to wearer at one projU; and bvt tue lieaiert every tcheret W L. 0TC1LAS 3-52 SHOES 3 22 sMsssHi UNION MADE yyW.L. DOUGLAS vC ltr B1.00;ilt jLdire W. L. DOUGLAS I.(M;ilt iLdirn Line Cannot Be Equaletl at Any l'rlcc. Iho ntandanl has always bwn plarM so hich tliat tltft wiarflr rftflclws morft.Talne for his money In thft W, L. IViml:ia in.oi nnil S-I.t s!io'R tliun hfl run Uft olwwhcre. W. U Donclas makrs and sella more S3XU and JSJO shoes Uian any oilier two minutarturers In the world. Faat Color JEyelats XT sad. W. I DnuKlaa S.t.OO and Srt.SO ahoea are made of the Mime hlgh-irrade uaca in vo.uu nnil mo.wt shoes ana are jubi as gooa in every iay. Inalat npnn hnvlnp; W. I.. ImiRlaa nhnea with name and price stamped t ' ',r,op)l aTiywhem on rowipt of prlfp and K renis additional for . i nun lliriMurrniKIHS OI JOOlBSSnnwn : SIIUH STVII' cn'in;u i UIW UIJU . 12 J ' wnrn i P'alii or cap toe ; heavy, medium or Unlit coles. CATALOG FREE. W. L. DOUCLA3, Brockton, Was. ma sfrVfFvl Rheumatic Sciatic, Shirp and Shootlnie Pains, Straini, Weakness ind all bodll aches and paint rolieTed almost Instantly, Backache, Headache, Face.iche. Chest Pains, and all Nervous Pains and Muscular Weakness cured by St Jacobs Oil After ill other remedies fall. Acts like mule I Conquers Pain Price, 35c and 50c srUKV V I Mll LaV A in H Mlvl Eh REQUIRES NO COON KG PREPAREOFOR AUNDRY PURPOSES ONLY Tou can't help being iat lsflod with Defiance Starch. It has all the qualitle you vant, there is more of It than you ever got before, and It will do more with leBs labor. It needa no cooking, simply mix with cold water. 16 ounce pack age for 10c Don't forgot It a batter quality and one-third mora of 1L At Wbolesile by Afl (nctry Jcsrk