1 HAD NEWSPAPER SENSE, i i '. Pictorial Kumor SHE WOULDN'T TAKE TAFFY. Rosenberg Yo' haf von oof der schmallest feet dot I baf efer seen befoore. Miss Irene Excuse me fo' bein" pussonel, gah, but yo's a liah. 8TAM)1XG NEITR.II. "Speaking about dreamis," said the Boston insurance man as he relighted the stub of his cigar, "I can't say that I do or do not believe in them. One night, during the palmy days of the Louisiana lottery, J dreamed that a certain ticket hit the capital prire. Two daya later a friend showed me that very ticket and I gave him f 25 for if "And it hit the prize?" was asked. "No, sir; didn't come within a mile of it." "And have you any'other instance?" "I have. A year or two ago I fell asleep in a hammock one day and dreamt that I was the biggest ass in America for dreaming that other dream." "And did it turn out as you dreameu ?" "Waal, I have my wife's word for it every hour in the day. and so I guess it did. She wanted that 25 for a spring bat, you see." Charles "Did the tailor take your measure?" Algy "I think he did. He said I'l have to pay in advance." DISAPPOINTED AGAIN. "I h-have c-come," began the young man, shaking so violently that he al most upset the chair. "H'm!" soliloquized the farmer. "1 bet a doughnut he has come around to ask me for Mary Jane's hand. Well, bere Is a chance to get rid of her at last." "I I have c-come," repeated the caller. "Well, don't be bashful. You can have her, my boy." . "H-have w-who?" "My darter. Didn t you come to ask my consent?" "N-no. I come to b-borrow some quinine. I've got an ague c-chlll." BREEZY UNDERTAKING. Blinks I hear you are about to start a new paper. What are ypu going to call it? Jinks I had thought seriously of calling it the Bugle. Blinks Good! Just the thing if you have fully made up your mind to blow "Our party," said V.s politician, con fidently, "will sweep the city." , "I'll vote for it then," replied the citizen; "the city certainly needs sweeping." LOVE AM. Rastus-Dinah- - Won't yo" love me mo-Dinah? -Dinah-mite. Oh! Dinah-mo? II THE BOOK STORE. Josh Wayback Gimme a lot of French novels I hear so much about Mrs. Wayback What do you want them for. Josh? Josh Wayback Well, Mand.r, we got a lot o' space to fill in the new bookcase and they tell me them French novels is very broad. ON THE WAT HOHC "Does our talk annoy you?" asked one of the ladies, addressing the man who was trying to read his paper. It was in an elevated car where peo ple sometimes sit facing one another, very near together. "Oh, no," he answered, "not at alL I employ a lady stenographed, and have got so I can go right along about my own business without listening, unless there's something said that's worth hearing." GETTING KID Or TIIEM. Mrs. Stubb "John, the ashman re fuses to take these old shoes. How can we ever get rid of them?" Mr. Stubb "Don't be uneasy, Maria. There Is going to be a couple married in the next house to-morrow, and we can throw the old shoes after their back." Mistress "Now, remember, Bridget, the Joneses are coming for dinner to night." Cook "Leave it to me, mum. I'll do me worst! They'll never trouble yez again." Any man who monkeys with a mule is apt to come tp a bad end. HER GLAD SIRPKISK. "I have found out one thing about my husband," said the bride who bad been married before, "that surprises me greatly." Her friend moved up a little near er, so that they could whisper, and asked: "What is it?" "His salary is Just as big as he told me It was." BIS FIRST COCR8KS. "What were the first courses you took?" asked the benevolent old party. "Soup and fish," responded the col lege student who had acted In capacity f waiter during the summer. enjoy Miss Peachblow "Did you yourself on your vacation? Kodak Idiot. "I can tell you better after the Alms I exposed are developed." If all the world loves a lover if no Fonder his beat girl gets Jealous. HE 60T HOARSE. i . i ii nil. " ,. ,.,., mm. j"""-.. ' Gaggs I hear you came back from Texas with a bad case of bronchitis. Wagga Yes; too much broncho. As Incident That Admirably lllnetratwa That Quality. Walter B. Stevens, the secretary of the Louisiana Purchase Exposition, for which St. Louis is making great Dreoarallons. was for many years con- netted with the Globe-Democrat and was an especial favorite of Joe Mc Cullagh, Its chief editor. Since 1883 Mr. Stevens has been a Washington :orrespondent, and was recognized as 3ne of the best of the corps. On one :-casion when Mr. Stevens was in St. Louis Mr. McCullagh was entertain ing some visitors in his office, when ihe conversation turned upon the dif ference between men of equal intelli gence in the matter of seeing more han appeared on the surface of com mon things. "Why. I have a man in this of- Ice," Mr. McCullagh declared, "who .an beat the world at such a game I'll show you what he can do." He called through the speaking tube and Mr. Stevens responded, in person. 'Mr. Stevens." said the editor, i have got to have something to fill about a column and a quarter In to morrow's paper. I wish you would go 3ut into the street and write up the Brst thing you come across. Don t star more than 30 minutes. I need you for another assignment after you are through with this." At the stroke of the half hour in walked Stevens with a batch of copy in his hand. I haven't auite finished that arti cle" he remarked, "but It will take me but a little while more." "Oh. very well," said Mr. McCuI- agh. winking slyly at his guests, "but be as quick as you can about It." It was not very long before Stevens returned, laid the finished manuscript on his chief's desk, took his further or ders and retired, whereupon Mr. Mc Cullagh and his friends examined what he had written. Mr. Stevens, It seems, had walked as far as the nearest corner, where a new building was in process of erec tion. Apparently there was nothing to be seen more than anyone could Bee in any unfinished building. He was nrobablv the only passer-by who stopped and watched proceedings, and he talked with the contractor on tne curbstone about the little dummy which was running ud and down- by steam, supplying the bricks and mor tar to the masons on the upper floors. His article was a ltsrbt but thought ful essay on "The Passing of the Hod Carrier." MET CS HOPE SO. Pearl "1 see where some philan thropist U going to run a few drug Stores tor the purpose of giving free Medicine to the poor." Itaby "Gracious! I wonder if they ill have a gratis soda counter at tached?" : ' fun arnonMn. E3H Bmko "1 have chosen a good ' mrtio tot mf boy warn he grows up." Ormengoods-"Wht is It?" C2I Ewfco 'B up sad doing.' " HIS INNINO. Ostend "What is a 'horse laugh,' paw?" Paw "It is a laugh the rural borse gives when he sees an automobile stalled in the mud, my son." Pat "And how is the wife, Mlkef Mike "Sure and I had the doctor last night" Pat "I didn't know thot she was so sick as thot." Mike "No, and she didn't need him; but It she hod died, rare she would always ov blamed me!" Judge. MOT A MIRACLE EITHER. Larry Thwas thor Iver inytblng lny more wonderful thon th' camel go ing tro th' eye of th' nadle?" Denny "Yls. Ol've sane me two-hundred-pound ould woman go tro me vlst pocket, bedad." ATHLETICS AND BEAUTY. Kxerclae I Belter Than Phyelc to In prove One'e Look. American women are beginning to realize that If they would preserve the charms with which nature has en dowed them they must pay attention to physical exercise. But there is danger in excess of athleticism. One journal goes so far as to declare ath leticism tends to overdevelop the mus cle and produces coarseness, and that in their pursuit of exercise women lose their beauty and grace. The de terioratlng influences of athleticism are made responsible, too, according to the same authority, for a new order Df untidy, clumsy and badly dressed women. In the case of the girls of the Nelss family of athletes this theory is at once and most emphatically dis pellcd. The oldest, Hermlne, although Oarely 20, is a splendidly built woman Her pretty rounded and well-develop ed arms must be stronger than many man's, but there Is not the slightest lusplciou of that exaggerated outline which so often distinguishes the ath icte. She attributes her unbroken aealth to this constant round of exer ;lse. The suggestion that a strict :ourse of diet was necessary to keep them In good training amused these 3erman girls not a little. They have to regulate their meals, however, but like and eat whatever is gooa. A good oearty breakfast, luncheon between the afternoon and evening perform ance and the principal meal in the svening after their work is over is the order of their day. With their meals these gymnasts, like others of their icx, take red wine and occasionally champagne, but they would scorn the Idea that (hey needed any influence to give them pluck and courage. They do not know the meaning of fear. Chi cago News. OWE CONSOLATION. Stubb "Is It a model debating clubr Penn "I guess so. They hare never brought up the Sampson-Schley dispute." Guild's rather. Gnlzot lived through the most event ful periods of modern France. He was born In 1787 amid the tB!itt?r!nss of the revolution. Guiiot's parent were married by a prescribed Protest ant pastor, and his birth was never legally registered. His father, who was an advocate, used his talent for public speaking In the interests of the persecuted Protestants, and became a marked man. After living for several weeks in danger of his life, he was at last arrested, unwillingly enough, by a gendarme who knew and respected him. "Shall I let you escape?" said tbo man. "Are you married?" replied M. Gulrot. "Yes, I have two chll Jrcn." "And so have I," replied the prisoner, "but you would have to pay for me; let us go on." They went on ind M. Guisot died on the scaffold a few days later. At this time Fran cols, the future statesman, who was the elder of the two children, was six and ft half years old, and always pre terved the recollection of going to see his father In prison, or what was euphemistically called the "house of lusties. Gentleman's Magattne. it la MtMwted that the rail war now being built to connect Valparaiso with th Rio de la Plata will be completed la are or six years. His left hand Is the plaee of honor How Truly the Great Fame of Lydia E. Pink ham's Vegetable Com pound Justifies, Her Orig inal Signature. Lydia E. Plnkham'a Vegetable Compound. It will entirely cure the worst forms of Ferrmlo Complaints all Uva rian troubles, Inflammation and Ulceration ailing- and lJisplacfiment of tho Womb, and consequent Spinal Weakness, and 13 peculiarly adapted to the Chang-e of Life. , It has cured more cases of Backache and LeucorThcra . than anr other remedy the world has ever known. It is almost infallible m suctt cases. It dissolves and expels tumors from the b tenia hi an ear, sg3 cf development, and checks any tendency to cancerous humors. Irret-nlar, Suppressed or Painful Menstruation eakness of the Stomach, Indigestion, Bloating, Flooding, Nervous Prostration, Head ache, General Debility quickly yields to it Womb troubles, causing pain, weight, and backache, instantly re lieved and permanently cured by its use. Under all circumstances m acts in harmony with the laws that govern the female system, and is aa harmless as water. , , . It quickly removes that Bearing-down Fecllnjr, extreme lassi tude, "don't care" and " want-to-be-left-alone " feeling, excitability, irritability, nervousness, Dizziness, Falntncss, sleeplessness, flatulency, melancholy or the "blues," and backache. These are sure indications of Female Weakness, or some derangement of the Uterus, which this medicine always cures. Kidney Complaint and Backache of either sex the Vegetable Compound always cures. , No other female medicine In the world has received snch widespread and unqualified endorsement. No other medicine has such a record of cures of female troubles. Those women who refuse to accept anything else are re warded a hundred thousand times, for they get what they want a cure. Sold by Druggist everywhere. Refuse all substitutes. jf list REWRES NO COOKING PREMREOFOR f PURPOSES ONLY1 I if mm nm3 Tou get chromo starches under all brands and names, but they are all the same poor stuff and have to depend upon something to sell them. Use Defiance Starch. No premiums, but 16 ounces of the best starch tor 10c. Don't ferret' It a better quality and one-third more of It At Wholesale ly All Grocery Jobbers. K It Vnr Mtrrt Thau n Quarter mf ftwrjr lh rfimtMion of W. T- Dotui ml fry tor ifi, -Jim fort ami mt a tn,i-n ail oilwr tnsyv a tins pri. i.witent njitiion Un twn won hj tuerit tone. W, i. lMUfi aw. IlYm tU ltVt- BIIl-tU! lUSU UiUT JOJJ'laim ftajtt hoa beouue trnt rruuuiun ivc the bet fcuu vaU tttoea uiuu be BUUo)!vw fiS fitiHQttt rn in Amtrimn ritin il tny direct from factory U uearw at one prujiii ami Octi thot Ututert cfttryttVure. 3-so SHOES '3-22 UNION MADE L, DOUGLAS vf i a a mw Line unnui n ln I annot Equaled at Any Irtea. ' Tt Miuvlart hu lwT boon plswl to hlirti IhM t!w wrr mwtrm mon no for hit money In the W. U IvjiibIm nj p.M lin tlun h .m Krt tlmitm. . t. ''"" n,1,k"tl W. I Dnuiclai S3.00 and SMJio ihoni am mail of the wnw high-grade tealltera lued In 93.00 and O.IM mart anu are jan aa goou iu tj.x. j .j Inalct upon havlnc- W. I.. Douirtaa than with name and price dam on miuiim. h tniL inrVn on tlr ol pn nn width uanally wnm : ntln or oaD toe; ueary, meuiuni or ukoi aoua. rATlliMl rnvv W. L. DOUCLAO, Brockton, Mass. BaVFTaK. W3 Some men have reasons for doing things and some have excuses. Caa foe Cannot Da Cared by local application aa they cannot reach the Slueared portion of tne rar. There ii only one ltit!onrrerowtre. Heafnen it cauel hy ar. InSamrd condition of tho mucui lininir of the Euntarhlaa Tune. Wlinn thin lube Ik Inflamed you hare a rumuling sound or Imyerfart benr fnif, and when It Ih entirely rlowd Onttnn U the result, nnd unlevr. the Influmicallon mn be taken out and this tube re!or-l to lt normal condition, hearing will be dntroycd forever: Bine caoeeout of ten are raued by rntarrb, which In nothing but'o lr.flained court I lion ol the mucuH nurfaces. We will ifleOne II -ind red Dollani for any cae of peafnoM cauel by catarrh) thai cannot be cured by Hall Catarrh Cure. Send for areolar., free. a Boli oy Druiflii!i. I.e. Ball's Family i'ilU are the beat. Plow or not plow, you must pay your rent. Matt J. Jobnaon'a OOBS has cured thoueanda of rheumtlm. It Will cur you. Try It. All drusgiata. 'ULvnm-mmmnAiiUAifkumimr Al labqaWl, wbqti woun ywxjable rux ca. No Vart. ISrMatou. ritoltiauita. SI.25.' FOR 30 CT8. MRU TUUH SOO SACK New Mill Oraer Heuu Inlha FM4 Send M)e (tllrcr or umpi) fur our family cata logue; we luMrt a crrdlt nllp ood fur auc on any thing you buy. We mm every thing. A benanmeat Ku.ro by Mall, Kjtra Mpecutl to mine frlruda and roatomera quickly, will lend ewh a pai kaga tooth powder and a felt tooth brukh, 1 oa, frotea perfume, package rator pal, I Ai-ma acarf holder. I wax bouionaiere and eiexant oarf pin. Addreae County Pair, 310 State it, Chicago. A handsome hostess Is bad for the purse. If yon wieh bMutlfnl, fleer, white clothee uae Ked Cro-ie HaU Blue. Large a os. package, & oaota. When two women are bitter enemies there is always some man at the hot' torn of It For weakness, stiffness and soreness Is aged people use Wlsard Oil. . Your druggist knows this and sells tbs oil. Lots of worry and trouble In brought on by adrlce that Is sup posed to praYSBt It. ainii DROPOY eaaM. Book of Uai I mm I n Dttcovtmri jtres quK-k raUefaadearMWfina UailmimlaU rod ia a.f a traatmaaa a, wnn sen, gaMa. aa. W. N. U. OMAHA. No. 48-1901 1 - t-'. .f