MIS AWFUL FINISH.
He went to cross the boulevard
When something fouled hi heel;
He backed himself just half a yard
And grazed a biker's wheel.
He heard a mighty warning shout.
He tried to clear the track,
A run, a leap, a whirl about.
Just missed a horseless hack.
He hears a yell and starts to flee.
But stops and calmly waits;
A whoop, a fall, he failed to see
The kid on roller skates.
SHORT STORIES.
HE LOVED HIS WIFE.
We had been married about six
months when Miranda advised me that
Mir Aunt Sarah was coming.
I said "Yes, dear," and tried to look
pleasant.
I had expected this for some time,
and In a way prepared for the ordeal.
"You will be triad to see her, won't
foo, Curtis?"
"Yea."
"No, you won't"
"Yes, I will really."
"You don't like her."
"I am sure, dear, that she Is all that
sne could expect her to be."
There is no accounting- for the ways
-ana uoings 01 wumuuninu. inai
the nicest thing I cou.d think of say
jig, but Minranda Jumped up with one
it her flashlight glances of indignation
and left the room.
I found her In the garden. Over the
kills to the north hung a few fleecy
dduds. The sun blazed fiercely out of
sanatoria1 skies. In the beneficent
lhade of the maples our fowls and
household pets lay tranquil and pa
tient.
Miranda was kneeling beside the
aensy bed, engaged in weeding and
stirring the soil.
There is nothing more conciliatory
than a prayerful attitude. I also knelt
and began to weed.
We weeded on in silence. The cat
arose and came with a peaceful purr to
suggest a peace conference.
Aggravator, the dcg that has never
fat lost a race when another canine
aas intimated a desire for hostilities,
stretched his lazy form and also moved
toward the center of industry.
Our chanticleer perched himself on a
gawhorse with great caution and for
Ballty and nine times declared he had
sever met his peer.
Finally the clock struck four. Then
Vlranda arose and walked a few steps
way.
Directly she came back and, passing
aer fingers through my hair, took a
trm hold and began the conversation.
Tou don't mind her coming, do you,
Suits?"
T think you might take my word for
XV
"Answer."
Ton remember the advantage she had
takes. I said: "No."
Later in the day, when she was put
ting away the tea dishes, I wrote out
the following statement:
"T am glad that Aunt Sarah is com
ing. Her presence will add to the sum
total of my happiness. I shall be better
"tor her having come. My wife will be
sappier and what more can I want?
It will be a good thing for the com
aranity at large, for do not all great
Binds proclaim that the welfare of the
ttate depends upon the happiness of
the heme?"
I was going to write more, but she
looked over my shoulder, took the pa
ser away, said I was a goose and kept
Be busy an hour and a half watering!
rose bushes.
The sunset that evening was won
;lerful. A blue cloud sailed into a sea of
srlmson and around its edge wore a
golden f rings.
Up from this the skies varlated un
numbered shades of marvellous hues.
Presently we stood, watching night
teal about us and our home. We tum
id into the path through the orchard
With clasped hands.
Aunt Sarah or ten of her no man
.should be alone! Chicago Democrat.
HAPPINESS AGAIN.
It Is evening. The hot and pitiless
August sun wUich all day has poured
its sultry rays with utmost violence
apon the smothered city of New York
kaa sudden Its face In the curtains of
eight
A young girl, with a pale yet beauti
ful face and large sorrowful eyes, has
entered the park unseen, and Is crouch
ed In a secluded corner, her face burled
in her hands.
Once more the truth comes before her
mmitt, r-ni.hln force. OOCO BOOM She
her betrothed lover, Ralph Chap-
In company with a neauiiiui
swung woman, of whom gossips say, he
Is aroud "Can she also be his be
trothed, and does she not know that he
Is already engaged to me?" Constance
thinks wildly to herself.
'.They say she Is an heiress and hand'
ansae, and " but her reveries Is la
tsrrwptsd. for she hears the sound of
nurses' hoofs upon the pavement aad
the merry laugh of young voices near
at hand. As she tarns to look, two
splendid carriages dash by, each drawn
by a noble span of horses.
At a glance she recognises the occu-
aat of one of the carriages. It Is her
JUlph. and with that other lovely wo-
Taw Mowta afternooa Coaataae Is
lit la the library gaalng out of the
CjUw aad sew aad then earelessty
f leaves at a worn ox wavess
r 'm laaar hv
f.t-stz. avtsrs aattrta a asaattfal
. tcaaafwatuaaoataiasas-
r t .?rm .a tart
Is visiting his parents. The note is
signed "Ralph Chapman."
Constance trembles visibly as she
hands a perfumed note to a servant I
few moments later addressed to Mr
Ralph Chapman and containing an in
vitation of welcome for that evening.
That night, arrayed in a gown of
purest white muslin, with red roses In
her belt and in her hair, Constance
looked charming as she rose to receive
her lover and her cousin.
A formal introduction followed, and
as Constance raised her eyes to meet
those of Miss Bert rand her cheeks grew
pale and then flushed alternately as she
recognised the beautiful woman whom
she had seen Ralph with several times.
Recovering her natural grace and
composure. Constance welcomed her
guests, and the time passed so quickly
and pleasantly that they did not notice
the arrival of a carriage until a servant
entered to Inform Miss Bertrand that
her barouche was at the door.
Miss Bertrand explained that she was
to attend the opera that evening with
one of Ralph's friends, and soon took
her leave, promising to call again soon.
Once more alone with her love, Con
stance poured out her recent troubles
to Ralph, who comforted his darling by
telling her she was the only one he
could ever love.
"Wasn't It foolish of me to grieve
over so small a thlng?"she asked.look-
ing up lovingly Into his face.
"No, darling," he answered: "It only
shows how much you really love me.
Condensed from Boston Poet.
AFTER TEN YEARS.
Here was I, after long years, on the
lawn at Ascot, rubbing shoulders with
beauty and fashion: a prosperous, suc
cessful man, back again In England.
I was penniless when I left my own
little village near Doncaster ten years
ago to seek my fortune at the Cape. I
had a roueh. hard life at first, but It
was free and wild and healthy; and
then I had my lock and became rich
and am now, I suppose, an envied man,
for I am young still and as sound as a
bell.
Ten years absence from home marks
many changes. Mow aiterea my nine
village! The old church still nestles un
der the woods, the quiet hamlet still
sleeps as of yore; but there Is a new
town on the land once farmed by my
dear old father, and some modern
graves In the cnurcnyara recora, u
seems to me, the death of a whole gen
eration of friends.
The rew hearty handshakes and
art-moving greetings, the few loved
voices, served only to accentuate the
sorrow I felt at the changes that had
made my old village home desolate.
And I came away sadder than I haa
been for years, without news of Alice
except that she left Brigdon not many
weeks after I did and went to Lon
don.
Alice!, In her name Is contained the
one true love story of my lire. ne
came from the West of England to be
governess at the rectory a very few
months before I went to the Cape. I
had fallen In love with her literally
at first sight.
And then came the break-up of my
life the Leger of I backed tne
wrong horse for much mora than I was
worth, and ruined my father and my
self and the love that might have been.
Before I left the country I sought
Alice, but she would have nothing
to say to me except to upbraid me for
my father's grief and my on folly.
But when I got to the Cape I wrote
letter after letter to Alice, tor mere
had been a kindness even In her re
proaches. I sent them through my
Aunt Deborah, whom I thought I could
trust. To these Alice did not reply, and
It was not until years afterward that I
discovered that my runt had with
held my letters from her.
I saw Cyllene win the cup, and then
went under the chestnut s fit the back
of the stand, where ;h. i.idles were
promenading to the strains of the Roy
al Artillery band.
Near the sates, beneath the great
rhododendrons, which, though ablaze
with purple bloom, teemed neutral In
hue through the radiance of the ladles
who clustered about the base of the
plants, my eye was arrested by a face
as healthy and e pure as a lily, won
derfully fair, and perhaps with some
thing of a lily's languor, but little In
terested In the gaiety of the picture of
which It made a part.
She was quite near to me, and of a
beauty so striking that I was compelled
to gaxe upon her weary face and
look Into her mild, gentle eyes.
to
Suddenly my heart came Into my
mouth. A great thrill or excitement
dased me utterly. Did I sob? I cannot
tell; nor what I did, for before me was
Alice! my Alice!
But when the sudden selsure which
momentarily eclipsed my senses naa
passed, she had risen from her chair
and was staring Into this sunburnt
face of mine. In her curious Intent I
read during these moments of ecstasy
the gradual vanishing of astonishment, I
,k- ainw dawn of recognition, and the
thrill of tearful Joy and happiness
which suffused every feature of her
beauty when she saw me and knew
me after kmc years.
Did she love me? Was she free?
fbere was bo need for me to ask. I
knew I saw. Love lit up her face and
told me all. She, too, had endured the
years of heart-emptiness that bad been
mine. Her face was aglow with unim
aginable joy.
Oar hearts, void so long, are full.
AHes Is pledged to me. My Alice my
oera for evermore!
madovi WArrnto.
It waa a sold, rainy night la Movent-
her was the trala stopped at the little
TlTntT OrtemvMe aad Madge Kslth
n r useokmiosn noser ee w
wi Mow a wklrl of rata awtfaet her.
last Katfjal the was as deeolat
nd
forsaken as the few birds' nests gwlng
Ing In the leafless boughs. She had bees
aa orphan for two long weeks, and life
seemed very empty to her.
"I will not be quite alone," she had
thought, when the news of her father's
death had been broken to her. "I will
have Harold Deming." But the funeral
had passed and Madge had been In the
house two dreary weeks, and yet Har
old Deming, her most devoted suitor,
had not called or even sent a mes
sage. Madge could not understand it, and
after trying a fortnight she had packed
her clothes and come to stay with her
one aunt In the country.
Life was dreary at Aunt Ellen's farm,
although the young folks were In near
ly every evening. The winter passed,
and Madge grew white and thin.
Sleighing parties and sewing bees were
very common, but Madge did not seem
to care for any of them. She would sit
by the big log fire In the old-fashioned
kitchen and think and think.
She tried to forget that Harold had
forsaken her. She tried to forget all
about him, but she could not, and all
this while she had no one to tell her
troubles to.
She had not known before how much
she had cared for him, but she was cer
tain now that It was a great deal.
Spring came, with all Its buds and
fresh life. "Now the roses will bloom
in her cheeks," Aunt Ellen thought.
Madge did get a very little color in her
cheeks, and she looked so fair that her
Uncle Ellis said she was as pretty as a
"pictur."
The June roses were blooming all
over the farm when one day Madge,
dressed modestly In a soft white dress,
went with a book to the large rose-
covered arbor to read. Her golden
hair was tucked up Into a loose knot at
the back of her head, and was fastened
with a pretty white roue, while shs
wore another rose at her throat.
Her eyes were resting vacantly on
the first page of the book and she did
not notice a tall, handsome man stand
ing down at the garden gate.
Evidently he saw her, for he opened
the gate and crossed the old-fashioned
garden to the arbor. As the dark form
loomed up In the little entrance, Madge
glanced up. It was Harold Deming.
Madge's heart stood still. Now that he
was here sne aia not Know wneiner w
be angry or pleased, but when he sat
down beside her she chose the former.
What do you mean, sir?" she said.
vainly trying to be composed.
Only that I'm glad, oh. so glad, that
I've found my little sunbeam," he an-
swered( as he drew her down besiae
him again. "I have a long, long story
to tell," he said, and Madge thought
hers would be longer, but she said noth
ing.
He told her how he had been thrown
from his horse the very day her father
died. His skull had been fractured and
he had been out of his head for weeks
and weeks, and when he began to gain
his health he had a relapse. He told
her that when he was better he naa
written notes to Madge and had re
ceived no answer, and when he was
well enough he had started himself te
find her.
Then Madge told her troubles, and It
... - i 1 A .. i V,
was dusk Deiore iney uau
Aunt Ellen oame to call Madge to sup
per and was startled at the sound of
a strange voice.
"This Is my friend, Mr. Deming, Aunt
Ellen," Madge said to her mgniene.i
aunt. "And your nephew. Aunt Ellon."
Harold answered as he offered an arm
to both ladles to escort them to sup
per. There were two happy hearts In old
Ortonvllle that night, and Madge felt
well paid for her patient waiting.
ALL. SORTS Or TKOlusnrwa
When a new word is Introduced into
tht language, remarseo a i"
tional grumbler, "it is generally badly
needed, but there Is one recent addition
that exasperates me all over. I refer
to the up-to-date application of the
word 'proposition, it Is no longer
used in the sense of a proposal or an
offer, but It Is applied 10 everyinniis
under the sun, from a clergyman to a
cocktail, and from a horseless car
riage to a can of embalmed beef. There
never was a word In the English lan
guage so hard-worked and so badly
abused, and the way it is dragged in by
the heels to eke out the scanty vocab
ulary of every conversational chump
one meets Is enough to drive a fellow
to drink.
The otherday a friend of mine (I
. . , . . . . . i. . i . .
mean be was a inena men;
since took blm off my list. He took
me out to look at his new cottage, and
aa we stood at the front gate feasting
our eyes on the premises, he said, en
thusiastically: "Well, old man, what
do you think of that for a domestic
proposition V What he really Intended
to do was to ask my opinion of the
cottage as a nice, cosy, homelike hab
itation, but couched In that barbarous
argot, the inquiry made me mad, and
I said things. He took it good-natur
edly. 'Well, upon my wora,- ne re
marked, after I blew off steam, 'you're
a pretty queer proposition yourself."
"That Is the reason why we don't
speak now. Every day of my life I
hear chaps talking about mining prop
ositions, and theatrical propositions
and Cuban propositions, and easy prop
ositions, and tough propositions, and
heaven only knows how many other
kinds of propositions, never meaning
a proposition at all, but Invariably the
thing Itself, and I am sick and tired of
the word. What makes It extra of
fensive Is a certain Indefinite wlng
ttpping, poke-you-ln-the-ribs sugges
tion about It. Confound the thing! If
I were Hi the council I'd pass aa or
dinance making It a misdemeanor to
use the npresstoa Inside of the city
' Hmrls.M-nmes-ueocrai.
DOCTOR IDNA,
The whole world, or rather hie world
know what had eome to young Dr,
Channlng In the last three year. Rear
ed la luxury, be found himself on
bright morning penniless and alone
His father died and from every quart ei
of the globe, It seemed to young Chan
nlng, creditors came forth, but he pai!
out to the last dollar, the last cent and
came through as one of his friends put
It, a ruined but an honest man.
But the question of Dr. Edna Staple
ton as to what he had been doing wltt
himself while she was abroad did nol
embarrass him In the least
"I? Oh the siren we call Fate hat
not sung a very pleasant song for mi
lately, but I really believe the lesson
she has compelled me to learn hai
been beneficial to me. I hope so, aJ
least."
"That Is well," she replied. "You
have not given me time to congratulate
you, but you must allow me to now.
Why was not your wife at Mrs. Staun
ton's last night?"
An amused expression came to Dr.
Channlng's face.
"Oh," she said, "did you think )
didn't know. We always got the hom
papers while we were abroad, and 1
saw the announcement of your mar
riage over a year ago, wasn't It? I re
member lust what we all said when
we read It. Cousin Harry said, 'Chan
nlng caught at last!' and Edith said
'Who caught him?' and I said "
"Yes," Bald Channlng, leaning for
ward, "what did you say?"
"Well, we were at breakfast, and In
addition to asking for some more
cream for my coffee we were at Ber
II n that year, and they never gave me
as much cream as I liked I said that
the man who had married Bessie Ar
nold had excellent taste. Although 1
did not know her Intimately, I had met
her several times and remembered
what a sweet face she had."
Channlng's face fell a bit "If she
did not look quite so cool and unoon
clous," he thought
"Thank you. I am glad you know
my wife even so slightly, and hope you
will know her better some day. Only
those who know her well understand
her, for she has a heart and soul in
perfect harmony with the face you call
iweet"
That afternoon Edna received a tele
gram. It read:
wantAil nmfAaiiionjLlI V at
Bt. John. Dr. Channlng seriously hurt.
Shot accidentally. urae on ni huju.
"FRED HASWELL'
"Hello, Edna; you here? You didn't
think this morning you would be sent
for to patch me up, did you?" Chan
nlng's voice was very weak from loss
jf blood and the Intense pain he was
bearing. "Come around here, and tell
me If I must either die or lose my
rm?"
Edna's face was as white aa the one
5n the pillow as she made the necessary
examination. "I thing, Dr. Channlng,"
ihe said at last, "that with skillful
nursing you will get well and will not
lose your arm, either."
Dr. Griswoid changed his position.
"Are you going to abide by what this
woman says?" he asked.
"Yes, that Is why I sent for her."
"In that case we are not needed any
longer," and the two gentlemen of pills
and potions took their departure. Edna
innVed at her watch and reached for
the hat and Jacket she had taken off.
Channlng's eves had not left her race.
"What are you going to do?" he asked.
"Telegraph for your wife ana a train
ed nurse."
"You'll do nothing of the kind. 1
haven't got any wife, and never will
have unless you marry me, and Fred
Haswell can send for the nurse you
are going to stay here. How am I to
know I won't die the minute you are
out of my sight?"
Tt was a rare tonic to the wounded
man to see the flush of Joy struggling
with the look of surprise on her face.
"But Frank, I saw
'Trm saw that a man named Frank
Channlng married some woman whose
name was not Edna Staulcb.n, but
thank Ood I was not the man,"
'And you said something on the train
this morning about your wife."
"I meant my wife that was to be,
for, Edna, you are going to marry me
Just as sure as I live."
And she did. Condensed fnm Wo
man's Home companion.
Could Skate on Hie Head.
"The recent death of Ilomanloff, the
Russian skater and the old-time cham
pion, reminds me," said an old resident
to the Washington Star, "of the fact
that he gave exhibitions of his skating
in this city over thirty-five years ago.
He was not only a fast skater, but h
was especially skillful In all kinds ol
fancy and trick skating, surpassing In
his grotesque skating any of the rollei
skaters seen on the stage. The psr-
tlcular exhibition which I remember,
and at which I wbs present, took place
on th ice which had formed In the
foundation of the Luther Memorial
church on Fourteenth street.
"Romanloff gave his exhibition tc
son e rf his friends, who had ban In
vlted to see him by Mr. Bodlsco, long
the Russian minister at Washington
He was the only skater I ever saw
who could skate on his head. He had
a fur cap on his head on which a skat
waa attached. He would turn a band
spring from his feet and land on hit
head, and skate away upside down.
He also did a trick with skates on hit
hands and feet In which he representee
a hear skating on all fours. The foun
datlon of the church afforded a skating
nlaea abost seventr-flve feet y aoouy
ferty, which was sufficient for Mm t
do Ms work, the audience standing ot
the foundation walls."
A FORTUNE TELLER.
Irma, the quwn of fortune, as hei
wn advertisements called her, was s
picture of beauty disconsolate as sht
reclined on her divan and s'ghed ano
sighed again.
Jo Dalton had fallen In love with
ber. He was twenty-eight, very hand
some and of engaging presence and
manner. He and Mary Wallock, other
wise known as Irma, the queen of for
tune, were Ideally mated. Each wa
physically splendid; each lived by tl..
exercise of keen wits. Their morality
was on a level; she was a clever fortune
teller and he an adroit conHOenre m:-n
He had been absent about a week on
that afternoon when Irma reclined on
her divan and sighed the sighs of lovt
iesplsed. She wanted to cry, but pride
forbade her; pride and possibility ot
being called upon professional at any
moment.
There was a knock on the door and s
slight, pale, tall blonde of hurried, ner
vous manner walked in. She was about
twenty and good looking despite hei
pallor and was fashionably dressed. In
obedience to the quet-nly motion of Ir
ma's hand she took a seat, and without
any preliminaries rattled out this dis
closure; "I don't know t.ut you'll think me
silly, lime. Irma, for thin is a very fool
ish thing, maybe, but maybe it ain't;
anyway, I'm afraid Joe don't care for
me like he used to, and I want to know
-you'll think r'm a goose now how to
get him back. Ain't there some pow
ders or c harms or something? Oh, dear,
me, I hope you won't be offended and
won't laugh at me, but I'm so mier
able." Here Bhe began to sob. "It was
mean of me Just to call him Mr. Palton,
like a stranger when he was leaving,
and and he called me Miss Thompson,
not Jennie any more, and "
When the crying fit was over Irma
said: "I don't need to read the card?
for you. I see your lover. He is r.i
this moment In the company of a dark
featured lady and as making love to
her. There Is but one way for you to
get him back, and that Is to make him
leaioua Allow him to see you accept
attentions from anybody elee. Oo
far in that direction aa you prudently
s&n."
Irma was lazily glancing over the
mornlgn papers when ber eye fell 'n
the marriage notices.
Khe started, trembled and the paper
almost dropped from her hands. With
& little cry she raised It near her face
ind rwead read twice over the follow
Ing:
"Dalton Thompson. Yesterday, at
the Church of the Nativity, Joseph Dal
ton and Miss Jennie Thompson, by tha
rector. Rev. Louis Hansbury."
Inn a fainted.
When she recovered consciousness
ha was lying on the divan. Her negro
serving woman, looking greatly fright
ened, was holding smelling salts to her
nose, and yes, there was Joe Dallon
giving directions to the servants and
saying something about going to ra
doctor.
"So you are better now, dear Irma. '
said Joe, stooping over her and speak
ing with all the tenderness of a lover.
"How dare you come here and use
loving words to me?" she asked. "Your
place Is tx-slde Mrs. Dalton. Go home to
her. Leave this houe this Instant, sir."
'I must suy I can't understand what
all this Is about." cried Dalton in as
tonishment. "What is it, Irma? Tell
me what has angered you?"
She towed the newspaper on the ta
ble, pointed with trembling finger at
the marriage notice and then walked
to the door as If to leave the room.
She wanted a good cry, but could not
cry there In his presence.
'Why, Irma dear, that's Cousin Joe's
wedding. What of It?"
There was a ring of sincerity In the
question that no one could mistake.
Hhe paused, undecided.
"And you will Introduce me to Mr,
and Mrs. Dalton?"
"To Mr. Ialton, yes; but you need no
Introduction to Mrs. Diilton. Hhe told
us all a.ut It at the wedding, as a
very good Joke on Joe. Both are thank
ing you for bringing them togsther
after their quarrel."
I thought," she raid, "when that
young woman come to see me that you
were her lover and I gave her that ad.
vh e In order to make you break with
her. You had bum abrent a week and
I was easily made Jealous."
"Yes: do you think well, you are the
greatest fortune teller!" he cried wlih
a hearty laugh. "But don't pout now.
don't be crowi. Here's a chance for you
to redeem your repute as a seerx-si. I
made a heap of money last week. 1
want you to look Into the future now
and name the day of our wedding."
She did and It was a true prophecy,
Chicago News.
No one msde any remark upon the
temerity of the ladies who Invited Am
brose Blerce to deliver a lecture before
the members of the dub. Blerce ws
so taken aback by the unexpectednest
of the request that, to his surprise, h
found himself weakly accepting U:
bid, and then humbly consulting hit
callers concerning the topic upon whirl
they might desire him to spesk.
The president, a dignified and very
conservative lady, In reply In a novel
sugegstlon of the lecturer elect, re
plied somewhat loftily that they
were not a club of new women.
"I am convinced of that," answered
Mr. Blerce In a bland and deferential
tone, which almost, if not quite, con
cealed his cynicism. "Shall I say you
are a club of old women?"
"You go home late, Hilly; Is yout
wife cleaning house 7" "No; she onl
cleaning clolhespresses. When she get
to cleaning house she doesn't let nv
eome home st all." Chicago Record.
NOW PEOPLE LAUGH.
Sines the days of Adam, who Is saW
to have Invented laughter when hi
awoke and saw Eve by bis side, no twe
people have laughed alike. The laugl
Is as distinct as the voice. Women laugb
different from men, children from
women; Indeed, even the laugh of a
full-bearded man Is different from
that which he laughs when be hat
shaved.
The Abbe Damascent thought he had
discovered In the various enunciation
of laughter a sure guide to the temper
aments of the laughers. Thus he said:
"Ha! Ha! Ha" belonged to a choleric
person; "He! He! He!" to a phlegmat
ic one, and "Ho! Ho! Ho!" to the san
guine. And It Is a scientific fact that
while men commonly laugh in A and
O, women usualy laugh In E and I.
Those who practice laughing to any
extent have been divided wittily Into
dlmplers and to know how charming
they can be. one has only to go back
to Charles Reade's "Simpleton with a
Dimple" smllers, grinncrs, horse
laughers and sneerers. This is to lay
down a science of laughing, for which
there might have been need had our
generals In the late water taken up the
Idea of old Iiulow, who prcposed to
form troops, in the face of the cnomy,
in line of battle, and order them to ad
vance with their arms at a shoulder
and salute the foe with ringing burets
of laughter.
"Be sure," said Iiulow, "that your,
opponents, surprised and dismayed t
this astonishing salute, wwuid tu:D
about and run off."
Perhaps this scheme would not work
now, while the present long ar
tillery Is used; but, n a matter of fact
it Is related that the Mameiuaes once
turned tall from an assault u;-.". the
French In Efc-ypt on hearing the rar
of laughter with which N'spoleon's vet
erans greeted the command: "Emm
In squares, asses and rr.cn of sc'.sr.ce
In the centre."
Great men often have fancied It a
part of greatness to refrnln from hilar
ity, rhllip IV. of Spain Is sail to nave
laughed only once in 1.1a T'-ot
was when his bride, Anne of Austrlr.
went at hearing that the q'.ieena t,f
Spain had no fecrt. She took with Ger
man llteralness an old piece of F;an-
Ish courtesy. Ai she was Journeying
toward Spain some German nuns met
her, and desired to present some stock-
Ings of their own knitting. The wor
thy princess was about to accept the
gift when a Spanish grandee of her
suite interfered with the remark that
it would be against etiquette, as the
Qu-ens of Fjialn were not supposed to
have any uee for stockings, whereat
the princess began to weep, under
standing, roor woman, that on her ar
rival iu i . -in L. r feet would be cut
off.
Lord Chesterfield said: "Nobody has
seen me laugh since l nave come iw
my reason," and Congreve makes his
Lord Froth in the "Double Dealer"
savs: "When I laugh I always laufih
alone." Young people and fool laugh
easily, says an old proverb, which of
ten has proven true.
Nevertheless, the singer Robert gave
lessons In laughter In Paris and In
Ixndon In 1W6, and, so far at least
aa filling his own purse went, with suc
cess. He held that men and women
;ould not lauh "decently and system
atically" without proper training, anl
aid thut a person who could laugh
anly in one tone seemed to him like
jne who could say only oul and non;
but that a trained laughter could
pretss many things.
It Is a curious fact that It Is only
among the French and troor! the an
cients that we read of people lauf-i?
themselves to death. We, In our days,
must have either more Jokes or a dull
er appreciation of wit. Zeuxls U said
to have died of laughing at a painting;
of an old woman, his own handiwork.
Philemon expired laughing at a don
key who ate so contentedly the phil
osopher's figs that with his lsirt ar
ticulate breath he sent out lis Inst
glass of wine to the lesst, who drank It
with equal enjoyment, and thus proved
himself. It would seem, not such a
donkey after all.
It remains true, however, that laugh
ter Is good for the health. ."!,sug!i
and grow fat" Is the old proverb. Sy
denham maintained that the arrival of
a clown In a village was as wholesome
as that of twenty donkeys laden with
drugs. Tlseot. the famous rFrnrh
physul-in. cured consumption and liv
er complaints by causing his patients
to laugh, and F(ramus, through Im
moderate laughter at the rude Latin of
Hutten's "Letters ot Obscure Men."
broke an Internal abscess which had
onr plagued him.
"When a mn smiles, nnd mu'-h more
when he laughs. It adds something to
hl fragment of life," said V'erne. who
wixhed laiiKhter enumerated In i:,e ma
teria mertl-a, holi'tnd It as a eurat!v
ot the same
kind as rouffh'r-g end
n .... ( n , u n ,-1
perhaps voml'ler. only
much pleasanter than any of these.
Policeman Albert W. Owens, of the
FlKtbuh Station, Itrooklyn IloroiiRh,
wus strolling up Erasmus street when
a big Newfoundland dog with an an't
pfithy for policemen jumped r "" r th
fence of ?'o. 84 snd sevste'y eMarid
Mm. Hefore the brute was driven off
the policeman's hand was budly lacer
ated. Owens did not wait to ssk questions,
but hurried to a physician's office and
had the wound cauterised, then ht
went back to look up the dog and settl
accounts,
"Where's that dog what bit me?"
sked the officer, holding up his ban
daged hand In proof of the accusation
"He's dead." said the owner.
"Dead!" said Owens, incredulously,
"What did he die of V
"I'm sure I don't know. He diet
about ten minifies after you went
away. Perhaps the bite killed him,
said the owner, wiping his eyes anf
sobbing bitterly.
Policeman Owens returned to tht
station house, but he has been doing i
90s af thinking ever since.