'il l W KU,
IN this discourse Dr. Tslmas arTra
word of good cheer to commercial
travelers and tella of their safeguards
and their opportunities; text, Nabum ii.,
4, "The chariot ahall rage in the streets;
the shaH juatle one against another in
the broad waye; they shall seem like
torches; they shall ran like the light
aiaga." It has been found ont that many of the
arts and discoveries which we supposed
were peculiar to our own age are merely
the restoration of the aru and discoveries
of thousands of years ago. I suppose that
the past centuries have forgotten more
than the present century knows. It seems
to me that they must have known thou
sands of years ago, in the days of Nineveh,
of the uses of ateam and its application to
wift travel. In my text I hear the rush
f the rail train, the clang of the wheels
and the jamming of the car couplings.
"The chariots ahall rage in the streets;
they shall justle one against another in
the broad ways; they shall seem like
torches; they shall run like the light
ings." Have you ever taken your position in
the night far away from a depot along the
track waiting to see the rail train coiue at
full apeed? At first you heard in the dis
tance a rumbling like the coming of a
atom; then you saw the flash of the head
light of the locomotive as it turned the
curve; then you saw the wilder glare of
the fiery eye of the train as it came plung
ing toward you; then you heard the shriek
of the whistle that frenzied all the echoes;
then you saw the hurricane dash of cin
ders; then yon felt the jar of the passing
earthquake and yon saw the shot thunder
bolt of the express train. Well, it seems
that we can hear the passing of a mid
night express train in my text, "The char
lets shall rage in the streets; they ahall
Jostle one against another in the broad
ways: they shall seem like torches; they
-ahull rnn like the lightning."
I halt the train long enough to get on
hoard, and I go through the cars, and I
find three-fourths of the passengers are
enmmercifll travelers. They are a folk
peculiar to themselves, easily recognised, j
.at home on all the trains, not startled by
the sudden dropping of the brakes, fa
miliar with all the railroad signals, can
tell you what is the next station, how J
lone the train will atop, what place the ,
passengers take luncheon at, can give you
information on almost any subject, are
-cosmopolitan, at home everywhere from
Halifax to San Francisco. They are on
the 8 o'clock morning train, on the noon
train, on the midnight train. You take a
berth in a sleeping car, and either above
you or beneath you is one of these gentle
men. There are 100,000 professed com
mercial travelers in the United States, but
500,000 would not include ail those who
are sometimes engaged in this service.
They spend millions of dollars every day
in the hotels and in the rail trains. They
have their official aewspaier organ. They
have their mutual benefit, association,
about 4,01) names on the rolls, and have
already distributed more than 1200.000
among the families of deceased members.
They are ubiquitous, unique and tremen
dous for good or evil. All the tendencies
f merchandise are toward their multipli
cation. The house that stands back on its
dignity and waits for customers to come
instead of going to seek hargnin makers
will have more and more unsalable goods
an toe shelf and will gradually lose its
control of the markets, while the great,
enterprising and successful houses will
hare their agents on all the trains, and
their chariots will race in the streets,
they shall justle one against another in
the broad ways, they shall seem like
torches, they shall rnn like the light
nings" Wards of Good Cbeer.
I think commercial travelers can stand
seruiou of warm hearted sympathy. If
you have any words of good cheer for
them, yon had better utter them. If you
have any good, honest prayers in their lie
half, they will be greatly obliged to you.
I never knew a man yet who did not like
to be prayed for. I never knew a man yet
that did not like to be helped. It seems
to me this sermon is timely. At this sea
son of the year there are tens of thou
sands of men going out to gather the
spring trsde.
Now you, the commercial traveler, have
received order from the head men of the
Arm that you are to start on a long excur
sion. You have yonr patterns all assorted
and prepared. You have them put np in
bandies or cases and market. You have
fall instructions as to prices. You know
; oa what prices you are to stand firm, and
"from what prices you may retreat some
what. Yon have your valise or trunk, or
both, packed. If I were a stranger, I
would have no right to look into that va
lise, but as I am your brother I will lake
the liberty. I look into the valise, and I
congratulate yon on all these comfortable
article of apparel. The seasons are so
changeable yon hare not taken a single
precaution ton many. Some night you
will art out In the snow hank and have to
walk three or four miles until yon get to
the railroad station, and yon will want all
these comforts awl conveniences. But
will yon excuse me if I make a sugges
tion or two sbout the valise? Yon ssy,
"Certainly; as we are baring a plain,
frank talk I will not be offended at any
honorable suggestion "
pat to among yonr baggage mum ra re
fsity at test, wholesome reading. Let it
h to history, or a poewt, or a book of par
istlaav at ssav votaate that will give yoa
fcforasathai la regard r yonr lias of brorf
anaa. Then add to that a Bible in rouod,
tMwtIM tyr
yen aaywhsrv, bat aeraMarly hHThjg in
fcft s s raft train. Pot yonr railroad
r' Vmi mi nbiesUeby ssie-tat sm
and the other to show you the route to the
next world. "Oh," you say, "that is su
perfluous, for now in all the hotels, in the
parlor, you will find a Bible, and in uearly
all the rooms of the guests you will find
one!" But, my brother, that is not your
Bible. You want your own bat, your own
coat, your own blanket, yonr own Bible.
"But." you say, "I am not a Christian,
and you ought not to expect me to carry a
Bible." My brother, a great msny people
are not Christians who carry a Bible. Be
sides that, Is-fore you get home you might
become a Christian, and you would feel
4kward without a copy. Besides that,
foil might get bad newa from borne. I
see you with trembling band opening the
telegram saying, "George is dying." of
"Fannie is dead; come borne!" Oh, as
you sit in the train, stunned with tbe
calamity, going home, you will hare nu
taste for fine scenery, or for conversation,
and yet you must keep your thoughts em
ployed or you will go stark mad. Then
you will want a Bible whether you read
it or not. It will be a comfort to have it
near you that book full of promises
which have comforted other people in like
calamity. Whether you study the prom
ises or not you will want that book near
you. Am I not wise when I fay put in
the Bible?
Now, you are all ready to start. You
have your valise in the right hand and
you have your blanket and shawl strap in
the left band. (Jood-by! May you hsve a
prosperous journey, large sale, great
percentages. Oh, there is one thing I for
got to ask you about what train are you
going to take? "Well." you say. "I will
take the 5 o'clock Sunday afternoon
train." Why? "Oh." you say, "I shall
save a day by that, and on Monday morn
ing 1 will be in tbe distant city iu the
oommcrcial establishment by the time tbe
merchant come down.1" My brother, you
are starting wrong. If yon clip off some
thing from the lord's day, the Lord will
clip off something from your lifetime suc
cesses. Sabbath breaking pays no better
for this world than it pays for tbe next.
Out of every week get twenty-four
hours for yourself. Your employer, young
man, has no right to swindle you out of
that rest. The bitter curse of Almighty
God will rest upon that commercial es
tablishment which expects its employes
to break the Sabbath. What right has a
Christian merchant to sit down in church
on the Sahhath wben bis clerks are travel
ing abroad through the land on that day?
Get up, professed Christian merchant so
acting. You have no business here. Go
out and call that boy back. There was a
merchant in 1H37 who wrote: "I should
have been a dead man bad it not been for
the Sabbath. Obliged to work from morn
ing until night through the whole week,
I felt on Saturday, especially on Saturday
afternoon, that I mnst have rest. It whs
like going into a dense fog. F.verything
looked dark and gloomy, as if nothing
could be saved. I dismissed all ami kept
the Sabbath in the old way. On Monday
it was all sunshine, but had it not been
for the Sabbath 1 have no doubt I should
have been in my grave." Now, I say if
the Sabbath is good for the employer it is
good for the employe. Young man. tbe
dollar that you earn on the Sabbath is a
redbot dollar, and if you pnt it into a bag
with 5,000 honest dollars that redbot dol
lar will burn a bole through the bottom of
the bag and let out all the ft," boici
dollars with it.
A Place to fttady.
But I see you change your mind, and
you are going on Monday morning, and I
tee yon take tbe train. For a few weeks
now you will pass half of your time iu the
rail train. How are yon going to occupy
the time? Open the valise and take oul a
book and begin to read. Magnificent op
portunities have our commercial travelers
lor gaining information above all other
clerks or merchants. The best place in
the world to study is a rail train. I know
it by experience. Do not do as some com
mercial travelers do as many of them do,
as most of them do sit reading the same
newspaper over and over again and ail ibe
Advertisements through and through, then
sit for two or three bourn calculating the
prolits they expect to maice, tneu upending
two or three hours looking listlessly oul
of the wimlow, then spending three or
four hours in the smoking car. tbe nastiest
place in Christendom, talking with men
who do not know as much as you do. In
stead of that, call William Shakspeare,
the dramatist, and John Buskin, the es
sayist, and Tennyson, the p-wt. and Han
croft and Macaulay, tbe historians, and
Ezekiel and Paul, the inspired men of
God, and ask them to sit with you, ss they
will if you ask them. I hear you say: "I
do wish I could get out of ihis business
of commercial traveling. I don't like it."
My brother, why don't you read yourself
out? (Jive me a young man of ordinary
intellect and good eyesight, and let bill)
devote to valuable reading the time not
actually occupied in commercial errand,
and in six years he will I qualified for
any position for which he is ambitious.
"Oh," yon say, "I have no taste for
reading." Now, that is the trouble, but it
is no excuse. There was a time, my broth
er, when you had no taste for cigars, they
made you very sick, but yon persevered
until cigars have become to you a luxury.
Now, if you can afford to struggle on to
get a had habit, is it not worth while to
struggle on to get a good habit like that
of reading? 1 am amazed to find bow
many merchant and commercial travelers
preserve their ignorance from year to
year, notwithstanding all their opportu
nities. There is no excuse for a niso lack
ing information, If he have the rare oppor
tunities of a commercial traveler. Im
prove your mind. Remember th "learn
ed Blacksmith," who, while blowing tbe
bellows, set his book up against the brick
work, and became acquainted with fifty
languages.
A stay a I TumUr.
Be ashamed to sell foreign fabrics or
fruits unless you know something sbout
the looms that wove them or the vineyards
l hat grew ibetn. Understand all about
tbe laws that control commerdsl life,
about banking, about tariffs, about mar
kets, about navigation, sbout foreign peo
ple their characteristics and their polit
ical revolutions as they affect ours; about
the harvests of Rossi, the vineyards of
Italy, th tea fields of China. Leara about
tae great commercial centers of Carthage
ud Assyria and Phoenicia. stead all
sbont the Medici of Florence, mighty la
trade, mightier In philanthropies. Ton
belong to la royal family of merchants.
Be wsrtay af that royal UaaUy. Oh,
take my advice ana turn the years of
weariness into years of luxury. ' Take
those hours you spend at the depot wait
ing for the delayed train and make them
Pisgab heights from which you can view
the promised land.
But you have come now near the end of
your railroad travel. 1 cau tell by tbe
motion of tbe car that they are pulling the
patent brakes dowu. Tbe engineer rings
the bell at tbe crossing. Tbe train stops.
"All out!" cries tbe conductor. You dis
mount from tbe train. You reach the
hotel. The landlord is glad to aee you
very glad! He stretches ont hia hand
across the registry book with all tbe dis
interested warmth of a brother! Yon are
assigned an apartment. In that uninvit
ing apartment you stay only long enough
to make yourself presentable. You de
scend then into tbe reading room, and
there yon find the commercial travelers
sitting around a long table. Of course you
will not stay there. Yon saunter out
among the merchants. You present your
letters of introduction and authority. You
begin business. Now. let me say, there
are two or three things you ought to re
member. First, that all the trade yoo get
by the practice of "treating" will not
stick. If you cannot get custom by tip
ping a wine glass with somebody, you had
better not get his custom. An old com
mercial traveler gives as his experience
that trsde got by "treating" alwaya dam
ages the house that gets it in one way
or the other.
Practice Fobrletj.
Besides that, you cannot afford to in
jure yourself for the purpose of benefiting
your employers. Yonr common sense tells
you that you cannot get into the habit of
taking strong drink to please others with
out getting that habit fastened on you.
O commercial traveler, though your firm
may give you the largest salary of any
man in your line, though tbey might give
you 10 per cent of all yon sell, or 20 per
cent, or 50 per wot, or 81t per cent, they
cannot pay enough to make it worth your
while to ruin your soul. Besides that, a
commercial house never compensates a
man who has been morally ruined in tbeir
employ. A young man in Philadelphia
was turned out from bis employ because
of inebriation, got in tbe servb-e of the
merchant who employed him, and here is
the letter he wrote to his employer:
"Sir. 1 came into your service uncor
rupt in principles and in morals, but the
rules of your bouse required me to spend
my evenings at place of public entertain
ment and amusement iu search of custom
ers. To accomplish my work in your ser
vice, I was obliged to drink with them
and join them in their pursuits of pleas
ure. It was not my choice, but tbe rule of
tbe house. I went with tbem to the the
ater and the billiard table, but it was not
my choice. I did not wish to go. I went
in your service. It was not my pleasure
so to do, but I was the conductor and com
panion of the simple ones, void alike of
understanding and of principle, in their
sinful pleasures and deeds of deeper dark
ness, that I might retain tbem as your
customers. Your interest required it. 1
have added thousands of dollars to the
profits of your trade, bill at what expense
you now see, aud I know too well. You
have become wealthy, but I am poor in
deed. And now this cruel dismissal from
your employ is tbe recompense 1 receii
for a chara"-ter ruiued and prospects blast
ed in helping to make you a rich man!''
Alas for the mau who gets such a letter
as that!
Again. I charge you, tell tbe whole
truth alsiut anything you sell. Lying com
mercial travelers will come right after
yon into the name store. Do not let tbeir
nufsir competition tempt you from the
Straight line. It is an awful bargain that
a mau makes when be sells his goods and
his soul at the same time.
But it is almost night, and you go back
to the hotel. Now eouiea the mighty tug
for the commercial traveler. Tell me
where he sK-nds his evenings, aud I will
tel you where be will spend eternity, and
I will tell you what will be his worldly
prospects. There is sn abundance of
choice. There is your rootn with tbe books.
There are the Young Men's Christian As
sociation rooms. There are tbe week
night services of the Christian churches.
There is tbe gambling saloon. There Is
the theater. There is tbe bouse of infamy.
Plenty of places to go to. But which, O
immortal man, which? O God. which?
"Well." you say. "I guess I will 1 guess
I will go to the theater." Do you think
the tarrying in that place until 11 o'clock
at night will improve your lodily health
or your financial proeet or your eternal
fortune? No man ever found tbe path to
usefulness or houor or happiness or com
mercial success or heaven through the
American theater. "Well," you say, "I
guess, then, 1 will go to I guess 1 will
o to the gambling saloon." You will
i -. ... I 1, Than u 111 vi In t,l a c
lirni IU - j ..... m,v .w
These wretches of the gambling saloou
know bow to tempt you. But mark this
all gamblers die poor. Tbey may make
fortunes great fortunes but tbey lose
I hem.
K Pure in Thought and Action
O commercial travelers, I pray for you
the all sustaining grace of God! There
are two kinds of days wben you are espe
cially in need of divine grace. The one,
tbe day when you bare uo success wben
you fail to make a sale, and you are very
much disappoiutcd, and you go back to
your hold discomfited. That night you
will be tempted to go to strong driuk and
rush into bad surroundings. Tbe other
day wben you will especially need divine
grace will be when you have hud a day of
great success and tbe devil tells you you
must go and celebrate that success. Then
yon will wsnt the grsce of God to restrain
you from rollicking Indulgences. Yes,
there will te s third dsy when yon will
need to be Christians, snd thst will be the
Isst day of your life. I do not know where
you will spend it. Perhaps In your bouse,
more probably in a rail car, or s steamer,
or tbe strange hotej. I see you on your
last commercial errand. Yon have bidden
gissl-by to the fsmily st home for the Isst
time. The trsin of your esrtbly existence
is Hearing tbe depot of the grave. Tbe
brakes are railing. Tbe Is-ll rings at the
terminus. Tbe train stops. All out for
eternity. Show your ticket now for get
ting into tbe gate of Ibe shining city- lbe
red ticket washed in tbe blood of the
Lamb.
Copyright. UaW.
Great Meas.-Great Ideas are In tbe
souls of the beat men, and the public
has to be educated up to them. The
English language I gradually becom
Ing tbe speech of tbe vast majority of
the human ' race, sod tbroagh It the
moot beeatlfal Ideas on the gift of Osd
and tbe destiny of man will gala, slant
sal vernal curreacy.-Ber. R. Thotaaa,
CMgtaaatUoMllat, Boston, Mass.
THE DANGEROUS NAUTILUS.
lutsrestlna Accoant of This Prstty bat
Poisonous Msrius Crssture.
C. F. Holder gives an interesting ac
count of his experiences with the pby
islla, tbe nautilus like denlr.cn of south
ern waters, which floats on the surface
with Its trailing fishing lines extending
far below. Tbe balloou, or float, is
from two to five or alx Incbea In length;
a delicate sac filled with air, and tinted
with many beautiful hues, among
which purple, pearl aud pink predom
inate. One end is elongated like a An
ger, and along the dorsal surface ex
tends a ruffle which can be raised at
will, and becomes a perfect salt, richly
tinted In red. yellow, pink and sliver.
Wben the animal is at reat the mem
brane Is furled; at other times It la
raised two or three Inches, and, catch
ing the wind, drags the tentacles at an
angle of forty degrees to the surface
of the water. These are purple, halr
llke objects, which look very beautiful,
as, crinkled and curly, tbey drift
through the water. But woe to the un
fortunate fish which, attracted by their
bright appearance, touches tbem. He
Is Instantly Inclosed by the tentacles
nnd stung to death with a thousand
darts. Tbe tentacles are covered with
minute bombs, resembling an elongated
capsule, Iu the Interior of which Is tbe
dart, a thread with branching points
on either side.
But this Is not the entire armament
of the physulla. The colled dart or lasso
floats in a liquid poison of great power,
of the effect of which Mr. Holder
speaks from personal experience. He
was swimming Iu five feet of water,
when he passed over the tentacles of a
large pbysalla. Tbe sensation as the
purple threads wound around the abdo
men and thlgb was of molten metal
being thrown upon tbe flesh, and tbe
shock was so great that he bad to be
assisted from the water. Tbey tried
vainly to rub off the blue mass with
cloths, and then with knives, and Anal
ly a razor wus used. The flesh was
raised as In a burn, the mass of darts
apparently eating Into tbe flesh. Tbe
case became alarming, and a fatal ter
mination might have resulted bad aid
not been at baud. One singular symp
tom of tbe shock was sn obstinate
asthmatic condition, which made
breathing almost impossible. It was
several weeks before the wounds were
completely healed, and even twelve
months after tbe flesh bad tbe appear
ance of having been tattooed tn fanci
ful designs of blue India Ink. Of all
tbe so-called "stinging animals" found
In tbe sea, the beautiful physalla la
probably tbe most dangerous. Boston
Transcript.
Not only men and women give way
to fancies and humor tbeir likes and
dislikes cats and dogs also are "fini
cal," and not slow about expressing
preferences. One dog amuses every
one because when his owner practices
on a violin he bowls so distressingly
that he has io be shut up. Whenever
the piano Is played, on tbe contrary, he
edges up to tbe player us close as possi
ble and beams delight.
A well-known man has a dog which
does not object to music In any form
or as produced by any player, but he
strongly objects to tbe crowing of a
certain cock. This might not seem so
IKK-ullar were It not that only when
J this especial chanticleer raises bis
j voice does tbe dog begin to bowl. The
other roosters may crow ever so loudly
and they make no Impression whatever
ou Bouncer, tbe dog, who only Joins in
tbe chorus when his euemy crows.
A handsome and sensible pussy own
ed by a puzzled lady will sleep sweetly
during general conversation, singing
aud piano playing, but let a certain
I hyiun tune be sounded she wakes,
arches her back, meows, and will not
I be comforted till tbe tune is finished.
wben she resumes her Interrupted nap.
The cat Is a treasure to Its owner, for
whenever there Is company aud things
begin to drag amusement Is always
furnished by tbe never falling anger of
the cat wben the hymn tune la played.
A man who owns some Pomeranian
dogs says that at the sound of bis cor
net one of the little animals will rush
around the house wild with delight.
begging and dancing. Another of the
Pomeranians will not notice the cornet,
but delights In the piccolo pipe, beg
wags his tall, and. If he can get tbe
chance, licks tbe small Instrument t hat t
produces tbe music he loves.
Tbe "White Woman."
Id some parts of Germany, pari leu
larly In Bohemia, some most extra. r
dinary tales are reported of the "white
woman." This celebrated ghost Is sup
jKed to represent a woman of very
modest appearance, excessively tall,
and her dress entirely white, she Is
never seen without a very long veil
reaching nearly to her ankles, and
which is of such an Impervious nature
that no person has ever been able to
obtain a glimpse of her features. On
one single occasion, however, It Is re
jrtirted that she condescended ta lift up
her veil, when such a blase of beauty
burst ujmn the astonished beholder
that he was actually rooted to the spot
for a considerable tiros. The lady
never leaves her subterranean or her
celestial abode bat for the charitable
purpose of Informing an individual of
his approaching death. Thus tt la very
common to say in some parts of Ger
many, "the white woman" baa visited
him, meaning thereby that all hops
are vsnlshed of a recovery, and tasTS
are not a few in that country who pay
CtUe or no attention to the declaration
f ta physician rapsxtlaf the) !
aiate dissolution of the patient nntll R
has been ascertained whether tbe
white woman lias paid her foreboding
visit.
THEORIES ABOUT THE "MAINE."
Cant, lawbe's Tslk with tks epaatab
Adaslral After the Ksplosloa.
Nothing could be written In better
taste and temper than Capt Stgsbee's
"Personal Nsrratlve of the 'Maine,'"
Id the Century. The captain's personal
relations with General Blanco and Ad
miral Mantcrola were, he aaya. undis
turbed by tbe explosion. They remain
ed "cordial to tbe last." Soon after the
catastrophe, the Admiral called upon
Capt. 8lgslee, and a conversation oc
curred which Is tersely summarised Id
these words:
Tbe admiral assumed from the first
that tbe explosion waa from the in
terior of tbe vessel. He asked If the
dynamo bulbars had not exploded. I
told him we bad no dynamo-boilers.
He said that the plans of the vessel,
aa published, showed that tbe gun
cotton store room, or magaclne, waa
forward near tbe xone of tbe ex plosion.
He was Informed that those plana had
been changed, and that tbe guncotton
was stowed aft, undwr the captain's
cabin, where the vessel was virtually
Intact. He pointed out the modern
gunpowders were sometimes very un
stable. This was met by tbe remark
that our powder was of the old and
stable browu prismatic kind, and that
we bad no fancy powder. He referred
to the irrotwble presence of bollera,
lighted, near tbe forward coRl-bunkers,
which were adjacent to the magazines.
This again was met with tbe remark
that for three months no holler In the
forward butler-compart ment bad been
lighted: that while In jKrt the two
aftermost boilers In the ship bad b.-ea
doing service.
Tbe Properties or Salt.
Salt Is not only valuable as a diges
tive ageut, but la useful In many ways
for household and other purposes; for
Instance, carpets are better cleaned
with salt than anything else, as it not
only restores the colors but absorbs
the dust, and only needs to he sprinkled
over aud the carpet well brushed. When
the feet feel tired nothing will relieve
them better than a hot salt bath, while
washing tbe head with salt sud water
every now and then will prevent the
hair falling off.
Salt and water forms a good emetic,
and Is also a good restorative after a
fainting fit produced by a shock. A tea
spoonful of salt In a glnssfui of water
Is an excellent remedy for many trou
bles of the digestive system, while a
bag filled with bot salt will relieve neu
ralgic pains. L'scd In conjunction with
turnip It is a splendid cure for chil
blains; cut a turnip In half, dtp well in
salt, and wben the latter Is dissolved
rub the turnip over tbe affected parts.
Before washing colored fabrics, dip
tbem In a salt-water bath and the col
ors will Is? less likely to "run."
Cane chairs, willow furniture, and
even white straw bats can ls scrubbed
with salt and water, and made to look
almost like new. A handful of salt In
a pall of witter whitens boards; but In
this case no soap should be used.
Couldn't Catch Mrs. Tnrveyton.
Mr. Turveytop has. up to very re
cently, considered himself quite clever,
and nothing so pleases him as to get
tbe best of some unsuspecting person.
For a long time bis wife had been to
need of a new muff; and after hinting
to her lord that her happiness would
never be complete till she owned one.
he at last decided to gratify her desire.
So be went into a shop and picked out
a couple, one of which was cheap and
the other very expensive. I'pon these,
he changed the price-tickets, putting
tbe cheap price-mark ou the expensive
muff, and vice versa, and then took
them home.
For a long time bis wife pondered,
and at last said: "Now, door, tbe ex
pensive muff Is a beauty, mid It Is real
ly very good of you to allow me my
choice. Some women would Ink It
without a word, but really I don't think
we can afford the more costly one; and,
besides, 1 think the cheap one is more
stylish, too. Why, dear, what Is tbe
matter? Are you 111?"
But "dear" had fled Into the night,
where, unseen, be could abuse himself
to his heart's content
Two Brldit German Girls.
Tbe strides that the picture post card
mania is making In Kurope Is wonder
ful, to say the least of It, and a funny
Instance of tbe bold this new craze has
t.iken on the younger generation In par
ticular comes from I be maneuver dis
trict. Two young girls were fortunate
enough to have an opKirttiuity of pre
senting the Kaiser with bouquets of
wild flowers, which bis Majesty gra
ciously accepted, saying that they
would grace his dinner table, giving
tbem forthwith into Hie keeping of his
adjutant on duty, who, iu accordance
with etiquette, asked the demoiselles
what favor tbey would like of his
Msjasty in return for tbe beautiful
flowers. Their request waa as amusing
as It was modest, namely, that tbs
Kaiser should send tbem each a picture
post card from Jerusalem on the day of
his entry into the holy city.
A Mtrange Strong; Bos.
The King of Annam has an original
Idea in the way of a atrong box. Ha
bos the trunks of trees hollowed out,
filled with gold and silver and fluaf
Into bis private lake, where a larga
stsff of crocodiles ward off Intruders,
It Is Interesting to speculate what aa
will do wben as wants his treason.
Ioadoa's Oral a Is aorta,
Iondou s Imports of grain amount
to about i ,000,000 bushels per snana,
0,000.000 of which consist of wheat
No matter how little a man believes
la rellgioa, as detosu Inaversaes la
wsi
CIVILIZlrtO THE SAVAOC
MalosBMt Bctweea aa A fricaa asst a
Christian Civlliaer.
While Czar Nicholas 1L recently aa
pressed bis opinion of the civilisation
brought to tbe benighted heathens by
tbeir Christian fellow men aa amoant
ing frequently to nothing more than a
shipload of cognac. Andrew Lang tolas
us of a "savage" tribe which la so
shocked at tbe selfishness ami cruelty
of the whites that It has instituted a
sort of purification rite for those of tan
tribe who have come in contact vita
them upon their returning bom. Tbo
Freethinker contains the following dia
logue of a large, strong man, dressed hi
uniform and armed to the teeth, knock
ing at tbe door of a but on the coast of
Africa, with tbe black native:
"Who are you, and what do yew
want?" asked a voice from the inside.
"In tbe name of civilisation, saea
your door, or I'll break tt down for yea
and All you full of lead." '
"But what do you want beref '
"My name is Christian Civlllaatloa.
Don't talk like a fool, jrou black brate.
What do you suppose I want here hot
to civilize you, and make a reasonable
human being out of you, If It Is
ble."
"What are you going to do?"
"In tbe first place, yoo must
yourself like a white man. Ifs a
shame aud a disgrace the way yon go
about From now on you muat wear
underclothing, a pair of panta, vast,
coat plug bat and pair of yellow gloves.
I will furnish them to you at a reason
able price."
"What shall 1 do with them?"
"Wear them, of course. You didn't
expect to eat tbem. did yon? Tbe flrst
step of civilization Is to wear proper
clothes."
"But It Is too hot to wear such gar
ments. I'm not used to them. I shall
perish from tbe heat Do you want to
murder me?"
"Well. If you die, you will have tba
satisfaction of being a martyr to civili
zation." "You are very kind."
"Don't mention it. Wbat do you do
for a living, anyhow?"
"When I get hungry 1 eat a banana.
I eat, drink or sh-cp just as I feel Ilka
It."
"What horrible barbarity! You muat
settle down to some o-cupatlou, my
friend. If you don't 1 shall have to lock
you tip as a vagrant."
"If I've got to follow some occupa
tion, I think I'll start n coffee house.
I've got a good deal of coffee and sugar
on bund."
"Oh, you have, have you? Why, you.
are not such a hopeless caw as I
thought you were, in tbe first place,
you must pay me 5,"
"Wbat for?"
"An occupation tax, you lniHx-ciit
heathen. k you expect to get nil tbe
blessings of civilization for nothing?"
"But I haven't got any money."
"That makes no difference. I'll take
It out In sugar and coffee. If you dou't
pay. I'll put you In Jail."
"What Is a Jail?"
"Jail Is a progressive word. You must
be prepared to make sacrifices for civ
ilization, you know?"
"What a great thing civilization Is!"
"You cannot jmsslbly realize the ben
efits, but you will before I have done
with yon."
The unfortunate native took to tbe
woods and has not Ix-cn seen since.
Egyptian ftlsllke of the French.
The Frenchman in Kgypt is an un
pleasant person from the native point
of view. French artists, wandering
from place to place Iu search of sub
jects for their paintings, carry with
them. In addition to tbeir artistic para
phernalia, their own MHtillar notions
of civilization. The Arab Sblekh. who
with dignified kindness offers to the
perfect stranger the most frank and
generous bospitBfity. is treated as dirt
of civlllxution. The Arab sbelk, who
passing along the vlll.-i'e street, with
only ber lustrous eyes visible above her
flowing veil, is favored with a stare
tbe like of which cannot be conceived
by sn American tituti who has never
left bis owu chivalrous country.
Tbe little children of five or six years,
who come and stare at tbe wonderful
stranger, and who get In his way, are
whacked with tbe Frenchman's stick.
Tbe dogs of tbe native villages, which
for protection are trained to sleep In
the daytime and keep awake In tbe
uigbt, know tbem. and bate tbem. At
Intervals through the night these dogs
bark and bowl in a desultory fashion.
calling to tbeir cunlne friends and rela
tives In other little villages a mile or
two away. If the dogs fall asleep the
Arabs stir mid awaken in Ibe unaccus
tomed silence. Then tbey thluk tbeir
dogs cannot 1m kccpluc a proper look
out and, getting up, tiny arouse them,
and the monotonous jap yap yapping
is resumed.
I'nat'cnuntalile.
Among the several unaccountable
things which one sees In Russia, one is
struck forcibly with tbe difference la
shop signs In the large cities. It ap
pears that tbe Jews are mude to write
tbeir names out In full, giving the Jew
ish form of tbeir given naiiica Instead
of those actually In use by tbem, while
the signs of tbe Gentiles bear only tbs
Initial.
When a girl writes her name
"Muynie" or "Mai," she puts s label
upon herself that contains tbe word
Cheap. She may lie sensible in some
respects, but no one seeing tbe label
will believe it Tbe "Mais' and
"Msyme's" are not good daughters,
snd tbey will not mske good wives.
Tbey sre silly, Irresponsible, snd r
msntlc, Show us s girl who chsngns
ber nam from Mary to Mai, snd ws
ran read bar palm like a fortune teller.
There Is on thing s1m.ui s bulling
piece of meat-there Is alwsys enough
f It Tsars Is asvar enough steak.