The Sioux County journal. (Harrison, Nebraska) 1888-1899, August 26, 1897, Image 5

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    WOTMMS FEEDS THE CHICKENS
A wbik? before the iun linn roue.
'N' father builds the kitchen fire,
Our bit; black rooster crows 'u' crows,
'Z if bin ueck would never tin;
'N'en we t-'et up V feci the stock
V water Fuiinie 'u' milk the cows,
'ii' fix a cate er broken lock;
'N'eu after brenkfun' father plows
'S' mother feeds the chickens.
The paii'ukes Wallte wouldn't eat
'N" eorubread left on Murjorie's plate,
A scrap of toust, a bitf meat,
'N' all li e stuff what no one ate,
She puts it in that worn-out tin,
Throws out Rome graiu, V pretty quick
She hollers nearly 'g loud ' she kin,
"Come chick! chick! chick! chick! chick!
chii-k! chick"
So w hen she feeds the chickens.
You'd ought to nee old Top-Knot run,
'V Itanty hop he's hurt one Ick
'S' riyinouth Hock (the bigges' one
She lavs a 'nornioiis inoiiKtriis egg!
'N'en Sockle, with her new-hatched
brood,
A-clucfcin' to 'em 'a hard's she kin,
N" shown' 'em the niees' food
She gets it fer 'em out the tin,
'N' pecks the other chickens.
Old Gray, our cat, comes snoopin' roun'
'N' slyly peeks from hind the stoop;
F any meat's there he is boun'
'T shant no to the chicken coop.
Now filled with nil an owner's pride,
Wee Willie comes with wondering eyes,
That look so brown V bright V wide;
He loves to watch 'em, V he cries
"lies see my baby tickens!"
I love to ride the colt a lot
'N' i0 fer berries to the patch;
I love to see our dog 'n' Spot
Get in .1 turble scrappin' match;
'N' tho' it's kiud o -quiet fun,
I like it nearly best of all;
That's why I alius cnt V run
To see 'em 'f I Tiear the call
"Come chick! chick! chick! chick! chick!
chick! chick!"
When mother feeds the chickens.
Will h. Davis, iu Chicago Hecord.
A JEALOUS WIFE.
"Out every night until 2, and you le
lleve him when he says it Is business!"
said Mrs. Merkle, pursing up her lljw.
"Ah, well, you are an innocent In nib,
Doris Moore."
"Hut, Aunt Sarah, why shouldn't I
believe what my huHband says when
he always tells the truth?" said young
Mrs. Moore, indignantly.
"Because he Is a inun," said Mrs
Merkle, nodding her bond. "I've had
three husbands Thompson won the
first. lie was a good provider, but he
provided for two, and I got a divorce
and alimony. Then I married Max
well. I caught hitn kissing the hlted
help and began my Investigation. The
Mime old story. However, he died, and
that ended It. As for Merkle, I have
-my thumb on hint, but I got It by
searching his pockets. Men are sueti
J idiot they leave their love letters an,
where. When I'd collected a pack 1
read them aloud to him one evening.
He stays at home now after oiiu-e
hours, unless he goes out with me, and
he don't write anything but business
letters. He is old. you know, and .
deacon wants to keep up a reputation
- for resH'ctabillty. , Hut your youiu
husband what should he care If p-o-ple
talked nliout him' Oh, there is a
woman at the bottom of this 2 o'clock
business, I'll warrant you."
"Why, Aunt Sarah, how dare you?"
cried Iioris, stamping her foot.
"Huminage your husband's coat pock
cts and you'll find I'm right," said Mrs.
Merkle. "And unless you want n di
vorce, which I don't advise when i
man Is only on a salary, show lilm
what you find, make a scene ami end
It early." ,
"Why, you talk as If you knew some
thing alxtiit Owen, Aunt Sarah," said
Doris.
"I know he is a man," said Mrs. Mer
kle. "Hullo!" cried a voice at the door,
which opened at this moment. "Here
is Aunt Sarah talking against men as
usuaKjwhat has poor Merkle done
iiowJ I thought he had sowed bis
' wild oats."
"Iook out for your own crop, Owen
Moore," replied Mrs. Merkle.
"I don't set up for a saint and neve
-did," cried Owen. "Give me a kirs,
Doris, I'm as hungry oh a hunter, at.d
fl must eat and run. It's nil night again,
f Doris Well, so much more In the wiv.
lugs bank, and. Indeed, we've no rea
son to be sorry."
"1 mil- you very much, Owen," said
DorlH, a she brought a hot disk fro n
the oven and set the chairs at th ta
" Me. "I'm as lonesome without you tin
a kitten without Its mother."
"I keep thinking of you, too," said
Owen. "Oh, Indeed, I don't like it a
nit, but I 8ii y a dollar put up for a
rainy day may keep us from tho heart
ache." lie ate his supper In a hurry, lough
ln and talking the while, then, kissed
his wife, shook hands with her aunt
and took up his hat again. Out on the
tfnlrti he paused n moment. . Aunt
Sarah' shrill voice was lifted once
more;
"Jlon't I see how honest lie Is?" s.ie
was repenting. "All very well, Dor.s,
but look in his coat pockets all the saato
look In his coat Mckets."
"Old cat! She's at it again," sn'id
Owen, who heard, but like the good
natured man that he was. he only
laughed as he rat) downstair. "The
devil will fly away with old Aunt
ftarah one of these days, but she can't
make my lxry lielleve any 111 of me,
that's one eomfort."
Meanwhile Mrs. Merkle had j'ntu
i, home to tell her unfortunate spons.
and Doris sat herself down with her
J f'H on the hearth, and thotiKht over all
y she had heard.
Aunt Ka rah. was a very unpleawint
person, who a I way mado Iroul U
wn'rever alie went, but she had thu
lputallon of Imlng very wnslbV.
which miclt people are more opt to g iln
than cheerful, ajirUible folk, f.nd what
1
Mid ft he really lieileved, for she hid
no good thoughiH of a n.au or wmnin.
Hut Doris was very much in lov with
Owen, and Jealousy is always close at
band where love Is strong.
In vain Doris tried to convince litr-
elf that Owen was too much 'i. lore
with her to think of anyone else. I he
little si-ed of sUHjiicion had been plant
ed, and It fjrew like Jack's beanstalk.
It was lonely there In the lit tit tipper
Hat at night, and Doris bed been used
to a large family circle before the lHt
her country home to share Owen; for
tunes iu the city.
After awhile she found herself crying
she hardly knew why feeling not
only lonely, but neglected and Injur-d.
"Owen ought not to have left mo
even for buslm-ss," he said, "lie used
to come every night when he was
courting, though it was an hour's jtir
ney by rail each way."
And from this she went on asklug
herself if it were possible that Aunt
Sarah could be right. New York was
ruch a wicked place; there were such
Itold, audaclotm women to be met with:
Owen ws so handsome. Oh, could
Aunt Sarah have grounds for her sus
picions! Owen, waking early one morning,
caught his wife turning his iockets out,
reading the bits of paier she fonud
there. A fiote from cousin Johi, who
had d-slred to borrow $5; a typewrit
ten circular, recommending Stump's
restaurant; a letter from his mot'acr
telling hi in of the doings at home.
Nothing but what she had steu he
fore. And Owen, whose conscience
wag as clear as man's could le, was
not In the least alarmed.
Doris might rend all the lerte's he
ever nn-elved, nil he ever had received,
for the matter of that; but ho did not
like to think that she would watch and
spy upon him, that an old woman's
prattle could make her suspicious of
1dm,'
He had heard the advice t'lai Mrs.
Merkle gave his wife as he sroed out
tide tlie door of his little dining-room,
and he was very sorry tha Doris
should take It and search his pockets.
lie had a good mind to speak out.
frankly, to tell his wife what he had
heard and what lie had seen, find to as
sure her that his story of night worl;
was true: to take her with him to the
great piano factory where he wn em
ployed, and convince her bow ilie
hours were spent. That would lnj a
serious way of making all right Hut
suddenly an Idea popped Into hi jelly
head.
"I'll turn It all into a joke." be sal 1
to himself. "I'll make Dory well
ashamed of herself, the darling. I.'?;
write a love letter or two and put the.ii
In my -pocket ami let her Aid the.ii.
Then there'll be a row, and when it's
gone far enough I'll out with the truth.
A bit of a joke settles tilings the best
way."
It seemed such a comical hhf that
he burst out laughing over li's bicak
fast, and nearly choked himself twic;
in trying to swallow his joke wi'.! bin
Coffee.
However, he bad not time to carry
cut his plan until Sunday ea;ic.
Then, while his wife was busy over
the dinner, he took from its likling
place a little parcel of pink-tinted pa
per, with a rose at the top of tliff sheet,
and concocted three Idiotic and ex
travagant love letters, signed them,
"Your beat beloved and ever loving
Fanny Ann." ami put them Into en
velops addressed to himself.
He was rather clever with I.U pen.
and Imitated a woman's baud very
well.
Having first sft!ed thepe up, and
then cut them open again, he hid them
in the Hckets of the clothes he wore
on holidays, and which he did not
wear on Monday when he wei.t to
work, left them hanging In the waiil
rolM. There they might have remained, for
Doris had grown ashamed of her mis
picions of Owen ami determi led never
to ransack bis pockets, but that Aunt
Fa rah uropped In again afar Owen
had left the house.
"Out again?" tdie said, with a ncd.
"Yes, and hard at work, jnior bey."
leplled Doris. "Aunt Sarah, I'm xure
that he is aa true to me as one nuro
could be to another."
"I should like to look through his
!Kcket8, though," giggled Aunt Sarah.
"Iyook, then," said Doris, throwing
open tlie wardrobe door. "There are
his things."
Aunt Sarah took her nt her word,
and n moment more her shrill, vixenish
voice cried out:
"Three pink notes, my dear; and all
slgiK-d Tanny Ann.' "
An hour afterward, Doris sat at the
t enter tnl !e In her little parlor sobb'ug
violently.
The light from the shaded lamp fcli
upon the three pink notes, all wet with
tears, Owen's compositions, as we
know, and so absurdly rapturous and
Idiotic lhat they would have betrayed
the fact that they were jokes to any
but a Jealous woman. Hut Doris, In
her woe and wrath, had very little
common fense left.
Aunt Sarah, frightened by the storm
her own de-d had raised, had taken
her departure, and Doris had resolved
to wait for Owen's return, show hlin
the letlers, and at once go home to her
mother.
For awhile It had scorned to her that
she would And at home a refuge and
consolation for all her woes. Then she
began to wince will) mortlllcation. To
tell her mother that Owen was false to
her would not be so bad, but that her
listers should know It, her friends.
Jin k's wife, (he whole connection.
"Oh! Life would not be worth liv
ing under siwli circumstances!" Doris
cried out, ami then an awful thought
emit Into her mind and gained
strength there, - A Jealous man or
woman Is a maniac, Iet that be an ex
cuse for Doris when she erlod out at
last:
"Death la the only cure! Death!
P !h! And If God will not kill me I
must kill inj self!"
At 2 o'clock Owen opened the door of
his lint and went in. Things did uot
look as UHjal. The kitchen tire had
gone out, ami no little snack had been
kept warm for him. The lied In the lit
tle lxHlroom was still neatly made Mp.
and no one had slept in it that nig'jt.
In the parlor the lamp was yet burn
ing, but Doris was not there.
As he looked alniut him be saw
doors and drawers open, things scat
tered aliout, and a nameless terror be
gan to possess him.
"Doris!" he called aloud, but there
was no answer. He walked to the ta
ble. There lay three sheets of pink
paper with a weight upon them to
keep (hem from blowing away, and be
side them another letter addressed to
himself. I'oor Owen could hardly
command himself sutliciently to teat
this (.pen and read the contents.
"I have read Fanny Ann's letters.
Aunt Sarah found them in your pocket.
Oh, Owen! I tVought you loved me,
but your heart has lieen stolen by that
wicked woman. I was niot preity
enough or good enough to keep you
true, but now that you are false I do
not care to live any longer. I am go
ing to drown myself and leave you
free. Your broken-hearted
"DORIS."
And this, then, wns how his jok
had ended. This was what he had
brought about. Doris had killed her
self. Then, he would follow her ex
ample. But first he must find her lody.
and pay It the last honors. He caugh'
up his hat and left his desolate home,,
the tears gushing from his eyes as h
remembered how happy he hud Liec
there.
When he reached the street he stood
bewildered, .asking himself which waj
he should go, what he should do. Then
It c-amo to him that he must report the
horrible facts at the statiou house and
have an alarm sent out. The police
would know what to do letter than he
could; and with heavy steps and reel
ing brain he sought the big brick build
ing before which the great lamps him.
and entered iu.
I-nte as it was., there was a little
crowd there, gathered about sonnnUin;,'
that lay in the middle of the floor.
"What is it?" lie gasped, with wnlr
l:ps that could scarcely form a sound.
"Young woman jumped into the riv
er," cried a policeman.
"My God!" cried Owen, bursting
through the crowd, and falling on his
knees Itefore the wet figure lying on
the floor, witli a olieeman's coat un
der Its head. "My God! It is my wife!"
The next Instant he gave a big howl
of joy, for the great eyes unclosed
themselves, tlie little trembling hand
were outstretched toward him, and a
faint voice said:
"Oh, Owen, take me away from this
dreadful place and all these dreadful
men."
For Doris, although she had really
thrown herself from the end of a whar
Into the river, had been promptly flail
ed out by the river police, ami although
soaked to the skin, terribly frightened
and' heartily ashamed of herself, was
very much alive, indeed, and When
Owen had whispered .something in her
ear the story of his Joke, which we al
teady knowcould only sob:
"Forgive me, Owen, pray forgive
me."
"She was a bit out of her mind, y
we, with a ,sort of fever," Owen ev
plalued, "and God bless those who
saved her to nie."
Then he took his wife home, and
whatever else has come to Its hmniile
door'siwe that day, the green-eyi d
monster. Jealousy, has never entered.
Dublin World.
A Gopher F.noe.
While tlie trahi bearing the excur
slon'.sls to Hawkiusvllle was rolling
through I'uhiski County last Thursday
a peculiar looking fence, Inclosing a
garden, wtis noticed by some of the
pa.sf'-v'or' The fence was nm.de of
boards a 1 tout two feet high, and they
wer tuck tn tlie ground so close to-gthci-
th:'t no cracks were left. They
also leiine'i. outward and were held In
poslron by banks of earth thrown
against them on each side. One pas
senger wanted to know what good such
a fcti'v would do. A second passenger
said that it was to keep out rabbits,
A third passenger replied that such a
fence could nM keep out a rabbit, and
said that it wns de.slgm'd to keep out
gophors. This last guess was accepted
as tie proper solution of the question.
The passengers had never ls-fore seen
a gopiicr fence Middle Georgia I'rest.
Archery.
The Cretans HJ'e said to have bean
the (Irst people to practice archery,
they having Iennx-d tho art from
Apollo. Three of Fnglnnd's kings and
two royal prince were killed by ar
rows Harold and his two brothers
came to their death by arrows shot
from the cross-ltows of tlie Norman'
soldiers. William Hufus was killed by,
nn arrow shot at a deer, and Klolmrd
I., who revived archery In Kngla.nd,
was finally slnln by nn arrow. Three'
great battles of Fngllsli history, Crecy
(i:Gti),l'olctlers (l.Tid) and Aglncourt
(Ml.-)), were won by the nrchers. Iu
those (lays there were men who -ould
shoot nn nrrow from fitH.) to TttX) ynrds
tind Uoblu Hood Is said to liave shot,
from HK to StK) ynrds. Kenyon coli
lege, Ohio, liwluded archery as one of
tlie courses of study nlxuit throe score
years ago.
Tut Where They 1MJ the Mont flood,
"Mister," said tlie small boy to the
druggist, "xlve me a bottlc o' then) pills
you Hold father day before yesterday."
"Arc they doing him good?" asked
tho chemist, looking pleased.
"1 d'no whether they're doln' father
any good or not, but they're doln' me
good. They Just lit my air gun!"
Odds and Knds.
A lazy man can't help it auy utofv
Oian an Industrloue man cua. 1
Wood-Stone.
From a mixture of magnesia and
Sawdust, subjected to a high tempera
ture and great pressure. Dr. Otto Leh
I'ig has produced a substance which he
cidls "xyolith." or "wood-stone." It
tan be cut with tools, but, it is said,
does not bum, and does not absorb
noisture. The inventor thinks it should
prove useful as a building material.
f-'wlft-Flying: Clouds.
Mr. Clayton, of the Blue Hill Observ
atory, near Boston, reports that obser
vations made there show that the aver
age speed with which clouds, between
KO'k) and 9.1MX) feet high, move is sixty
miles an hour In midsummer, and one
hundred and ten miles an hour In mid
winter. The swiftest flight of a cloud
yet measured was 230 miles an hour.
A IMiKeon Race.
In France pigeons are regarded as
valuable messengers iu ease of war,
and recently the French Minister of
War offeri-d a prize for the winner of
a pigeon race from rerlgueux to Parle,
20 miles. No less than 2,740 birds were
entered in the contest. The winner
made the distance in seven hours thirty-four
minutes, an average of over
thirty-four mdes an hour.
Ice-Break i na Fhip.
Vice Admiral Ma.karow, of the Rus
sian navy, Iijis been studying the con
struction and use of powerful Ice
breaking ships. At a recent meeting of
the Imperial Geographical Society at
St. Petersburg, he expressed his belief
that with two such ships, each of ten
thousand horse-power, acting together,
a line of free water communication
could be kept open in winter to tlie port
of St. Petersburg, and he added that
they could even force their way
through the glacial ocean if the thick
ness of the ice did not exceed twelve
feet.
The Flight of the Pnn.
Astronomers know that the sun, ac
companied by the earth and the other
planets, Is moving toward a point in
the northern heavens with great speed.
Just what the velocity is, however, can
rot yet be told with certainty. Prof.
Simon Newcomb. in a recent lecture,
Mi id that It was probably between five
miles and nine miles per second. The
bright star Alpha Lyrae lies not far
from the point toward which the' sun
Is moving. EveYy moment we are get
t:ng nearer to the place where that star
now is. "When shall we get there?
Probably in less than a million years;
perhaps In half a million."
A Short-Lived Inland.
In 18117 a new shoal was discovered
Irj the group of the Tonga, or Friendly
Inlands. In 1S77 smoke was seen over
the shoal. In 18S5 the shoal had be
come a volcanic Island, more than two
miles long and 240 feet high, and a
r.i rce eruption was taking place within
It. In 1880 the Island had begun to
shrink in dimensions, although the
next year Its highest point was 325 feet
I'bove sea level. In 1880 its height had
diminished one-half, and the ocean
close around It was more than a mile
deep. In 181)2 the Island rose only
about twenty six feet above sea level.
According to the latest Information, its
complete disappearance, under the ac
tion of the waves, will not be long de
layed. Ulah-Prlced Bumblebee,
Many years ago the farmers of Aus
tralia lniKrted humhlcltcctt from Eng
land and set them free in their clover
I. elds. Hefore the arrival of the bees
clover did not flourish in Australia, but
rfter their coming the farmers had no
more difficulty on that score. Mr. Dar
win had shown that bumbleltoes were
the only Insects fond of clover nectar
vhlch possessed a proboscis sutlicient
ly long to reach the bottom of the long,
tube-like flowers, nnd, at tho same
time, a body heavy enough to bend
down the clover-luwl so that the pollen
would fall on the Insect's back, and
thus be curried off to fertilize other
Powers of the same species. According
to a writer In Popular Science News,
the bumblebes sent to Australia cost
the farmers there aliout half a dollar
1 piece, but they proved to be worth the
price.
A 'imrrnw l'rlmn Dnnmi.
Monsieur Mingaud, a naturalist of
Mines, France, gives, in Ln Hevue Sci
( i!tlflue, nn Intercut Ing account of the
musical accomplishment of a sparrow
in his collection of living birds, lie
en pt tired the sparrow soon nfter It had
been hutched, mid fed It by hand until
it could care for Itself. Then he placed
It In a cage containing a challiiich, a
Ktld finch and two canaries. Alter a
time the spnrrow learned to warble
like the finches and to trill like the
cnnarles, the Imitations being so er
feet as to deceive the enr. f In spring
Monsieur Mingaud Is accustomed to
keep a box of crickets near his bird
cages. Two dnyb after tue crickets
bad been placed near the cage contain
ing tho sparrow the latter began to imi
tate their cry, Intermingling It with Its
r.ngs. Even after the crickets had
long lieen dead the sparrow remember
ed Us lesson, and continued to repeat
their ery. None of the other birds at
tempted to lmlUttc the crickets. Singu
larly enough, tlie sparrow never uttere
the peculiar sijuulling cry of Its own
species .having been removed from It
nest too early, apparently, to have
learned it
KANSAS TWISTERS
A Few Little Anecdote Told by a
Truthful Witness.
"I've heard so many tueredible stor
is about the cyclone and Its eccen
trieitiejj.' said the solemn looking man
to a party of tourists he had joined In
the sleeping car, "that I've been to
Kansas making some iorsoii&l In
vestigations In the interest of science.
"I find that many reports from that
section have been grossly exaggerated.
Nothing occurs there that is not In
aecord with our understamding of
theso terrific outbursts of nature. For
instance, the tornado, often mistakun
for the cyclone, has a rotary motlon.
I have known it to dip low enough
to bore a well and then bound once
more to the region of the clouds.
This wonderful phenomenon was an
accomplished fact In far less time
than it takes nie to tell of It.
"An extensive farmer here heard the
roar of an approaching storm and Just
had time to get his team from his
reaper to a place of safety. The wind
eaug'it the reaper and sent It round
and round and round the Immense
tract, till the grain was all cut."
"But didn't It blow away?"
"Not at all. That would have de
stroyed our theory. Tlie circular whirl
at the Irresistible power swept the
grain to the. center of the field and
Into an immense stack such as human
hands could not have piled.
"Ore of the strangest atid best au
thenticated Incidents 1 learned of oc
curred where a cyclone struck the base
of a mountain and went burrowing
throrgh It. A few feet in the twister
encountered a solid giunite formation.
It was two weeks later whom tlie tun-1
nel was completed and the terrific
wind resumed its devastating way on
the other side. The tunnel was prompt
ly appropriated by a railroad com
pany." "I had ratlier an unpleasant exper
ience in that section,'' said one of the
tourists. "I lKught a little farm there,
just to be a landholder. Everything
In three counties was plastered thick
with mortgages. A cyclone wound
them all up into one great package and
pasted them down on my little place.
We drilled and blasted to get them off,
but it was no go. My farm is mort
gaged $40,000,000 deep."
The solemn man of science never
turned a hair, but took notes. Detroit
Free Press.
Cause and Effect.
"Never tell your dreams" is an oft
repeated bit of advice, yet' it is proba
ble tliat few persons do things in their
dreams that are more foolish than
some things they do when they are
wide-awake.
"I had a very singular dream last
night," said a boarder, as he came
down to breakfast one morning. "I
dreamed I was a iectato.r at one of
those eculiar institutions known ns
'cake-walks.' I was the only white man
present, and was enjoying the novel
sensation of watching for the first time
a procession of gorgeously arrayed
couiels making tlie circuit of a large
room in the most stately and impos
ing style imaginable, when suddenly
the master of ceremonies saw me, took
me by the arm, led nie to the center of
tlie hall, called a halt, and the entire
assembly gathered nbout me, and be
gan to Jabber in an unknown lan
guage. "All at once I liegan to grow tall. I
felt myself rapidly expanding in an
upward direction. The crowd at my
feet seemed to dwindle. My head
pushed Its way up through the ceiling,
then through the roof, and probably It
would have bumped against the moon
In another minute If I hadn't waked
up. It wns u narrow iwca.pe."
"Ami you saw and did all this at a
cake-walk, did you?" asked one of the
regular boarders.
"Yes, that's what I said."
"H'niph! What have you eaten for
supier?"
"Nothing but a plate of buckwheat
cakes."
"That explains it What you saw In
your dream was a buckwheat cake,
walk." v
A stroke of Diplnmacy,
Applicant I have called to nsk yon,
madam, to ii'-eyour influence in my be
half. 1 am an applicant for a posi
tion in your husband's private ollice,
but I have one dangerous rival. He
seems to prefer
Madame (interrupting) -I'm sorry,
sir, but J never interfere with my hus
band's business.
Applicant If I were as pretty as she
Is I might
Madame She?
Applicant Yes, .madam; my compet
itor Is a most bewitching girl.
Madame Just call to-morrow, sir,
and I may have the position for you.
Washington Times.
A J ilft ifleut Ion.
Mother (coming swiftly) Why,' Wil
lie! Striking your little sister?
Willie (doggedly) Aunt Frostface
made nie!
Aunt Frost race Why, Willie! I said
if you did strike her I would never
kiss you again.
Willie (still dogged) Well, I couldn't
let no chane like dnt slip. Judge.
Worried.
Wlnililedi-i; Whnt's on your mind,
old man? Is your wife or any of your
( HMren sick?
llaukl.iiv-Ilenvens, It's a moie serl
c; y v t iler than that! I'm afraid we're
i i,t n to have a base-ball team here
tills season. Cleveland leader.
If a baby la good at all other tlmei,
It is bound to howl when IU mother
and father Invite their unmarried
friends In to envy them.
Riding Hindi Off the Bar.
There are various reasons why the
reprehensible practice of riding with
bauds qff the handle bars should be
generally abandoned. Chief among
;hese reasons, perhaps, Is the fact that
It is dangerous not only to 'the rtder
himself, but to others. To do the trick
successfully, it is necessary to traveL'.
at a speed which Is not safe, at least
on a street which Is liable to 'be cross- . .
ed anywhere by pedestrians or other
riders, and it is juft such thoroughfares'
that the senseless hands-on rider se
lects to ' show himself off. With the '
hands off the bars the rider has no con
trol of the wheel, and particularly at
crossings, there is no telling at what
instant it is necessary to make a detour
or slacken speed. Just the fraction of
time necessary to regain control of the
wheel often is enough to cause an acci
dent. With no guiding power there Is
no telling what the front wheel is go
ing to do. A email olistacle in the street
which would ordinarily be passed over '
without notice Is enough to deflect the
front wheel and, if there are any rid
ers close, send it crashing into their
bicycles.
Noise Means Damaee.
When your bicycle makes a noise it
is a sure sign that something is wrong.
The perfect running machine is noise
less. A jingling sound usually Indi
cates that spokes have broken loose
from their fastenings at crossing
points; a distinct click indicates spokes
loosened at tlie rim; what might be
termed a jogging noise is usually caus
ed by a loose crank; loud snapping al
most Invariably conies from a dry
chain, and a loose sprocket will thump.
No matter what the noise is, or from
wliat part of the machine -it comes, it
indicates trouble that should be
promptly attended to.
What a Collision Means.
A man of 150 pounds weight, and
moving at the rate of ten feet ier sec
ond (about seven miles an hour), has a
momentum' of 1,500 pounds, without
counting the weight of his wheel. This
is sufficient to have surprising effect
on the ordinary pedestrian. A collis
siou between two 150-pound riders
wheeling at the moderate rate of seven
miles an hour would result in a smash
up with a force of 3,000 pounds. No
wonder bicycle accidents are often
serious!
Depend on the Right Foot.
It is a singular fact, but true, that
the majority of cyclists depend on the
right foot to push the machine along.
In proof of that, if the balls on a crank
axle are examined those on one side
will be found more worn than on the
other. That Is accounted for by the
fact that the greatest strain is on the
right side.
Scorchers.
"How long did it take you to learn
the bicycle?" "Me? It wasn't three
days before I could lie as fast as any
of them." Indianapolis Journal.
Tyres Have you named your boy
yet? Spokes No; my wife wants to
name him after her wheel and I want
to name him after mine. Judge.
Walker They say that Napoleon waa
so self -possessed that not even the
sound of a pistol fired close to his ear
could make him start. Wheeler He
wouldn't have much show in a bicycle
race. Indianapolis Journal.
Some people have stopped eating
grapes for fear of appendicitic, and It
is now said that the bicycle is a prolific
cause of that disease. Stop eating hi
cycles. Louisville Courier-Journal.
Mrs. Yanwnrt (rising up in lied horri
fied) Reginald, what made you sweat
so when you stepped on that tackl
Van wart (wildly) For a moment I
thought I wns cycling and had puno
ured my tire. Puck.
An Informal Meal.
In Fnglish country houses the hot),
of high b'a is considered the pleasanft
est one in tlie day, eswcially during th
hunting season. Formality Is cast
aside. The men come in from the field
with appetites shariiened by n long gal
lop In the fresh air. The women a in
Kar In their prettiest tea. gowns, 1li
conversation is usually Interesting and
Hplrited, and everything tends to mak
the participants linger long around th
table. The meal partakes of the na
ture of breakfast, luncheon nhd dinner
without. lK'lng too nearly like any ol
them. Tea, of course, is served, nnd li
made at the table by the hostess, Itolnj
kept warm under n dainty cosy. Claret
and even beer, are allowable for tlx
tired nnd thirsty siMuismen, thong!
the latter is randy asked for. The tablt
Is well furnished with substnntlnl eab
nbles for tho men and with dainties foi
the women. ,
Tobacco Consumption in Austria.
Austria, with a total iopulation ol
nlsuit 4H.500,(XK1, consumed tn IHOfl 1
S44,0O0,iHi0 cigars and 1,005,000,(101
cigarettes, which Is about ttiirty-elghi
cigars nnd forty-right cigarettes to er
ery man, woman and child in FurojH
per year. Since tiie manufacture ol
cigars, cigarettes r.:i;l tobacco Is a moil
ojioly of the Austrian government tin
entire income of th!?t Industry reverti
to public use!. The total reee.lphi foi
the year amounted to more than 08,
000,000 florins (37,000,000).
Moat people not only grow older tr
ery day, but poorer.
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