TOPICS OF THE TIMES.
A CHOICE SELECTION OF INTER
ESTING ITEMS.
aata mm CrtetHaana tpom the
JaapswaUm tmm Dwy-BUeMrtead mm
Hmwn Wnaa
A hotel register sufficiently Indi
cates that brains and bad bandwrit
i ng are not inseparable.
Whe.v a woman is not declaring
6he is not superstitious, she is worry
ing arxmt some signs of bad luck she
has seen.
Gov. Tillman of South Carolina
has twenty barrels of whisker left on
his bands by the explosion of the dis
pensary. His consolation must' be
that tbe older the stuff gets the more
It is worth.
A pifTrKEsyrEentertainment man
aged by a Boston woman shows, bjfa
series of tableaux, the manner of con
ducting the marriage ceremony from
the barbaric age to the present. Mar
riage dramas, she calls them.
A wealthy widower of, Indianapo
lis has lieen compelled three times to
secure the arrest of a w diw who an
noys him with protestations of affe.c
tion, aod wants to marry him in
spite of himself. See what misery
wealth brings.
A glimpse into the gi zard of a
Santa Rosa, CaL, rooster evealed the
p esence of gold. Unfortunately the
deceased had left no memoranda as
to whe.e he had been in the habit of
dining. As a consequence the Santa
Rosa rooster who does not wish to be
assayed will do well to hunt a high
limb.
Six stray curs rubbed against a
lamp post in Chicago and died forth
with. The post had become charged
with electricity from an ad.acent
and particularly intelligent trol y
wire The item is probably being
circulated to create sentiment in
favor of a t ansit system not wholly
popular just now.
The man who Insists on getting off
his little joke, whether it is funny or
not, is a pleasant Idiot compared to
tbe idiot who insists on the practical
joke. The practical joker gives his
victim a loaded cigar, which explodes,
and knocks bis eye out. Or he bangs
a red flag on you, without your
knowledge or consent, or something
of that kind. The first man who
whips a practical joker should be
.given a medal.
' Among the many trades carried on
In the big city of "ew York is clover
peddling. Men come from the su
burbs every day, driving wagons con
taining loads of fresh-cut clov r,
which is peddled to teamsters for
their horses. The peddle s make a
- good thing out of the business, and
so do the tired c ty horses, who oth
eiwise would have no opportunity to
plunge their noses down into a bunch
of sweet clover.
t A Michigan man had a quarrel
with a neighbor and got into the
habit of taking au ax to bed with
h m. This proved objectionable to
bis wife, who disliked the contact of
cold steel in her slumbers, and be
cause be would not ref aio from con
verting their couch into an armory
he sou 1 for a divorce, and, it is said,
she is it a fair way to win the case.
He should have taken up h s quar
ters in tbe woodshed.
A New Yoik girl who was to have
been married to the Vice President
of Salvador has changed her mind.
Love in a mansion that is likely at
any moment to be over an exploding
bomb is not without drawbacks. The
Vice President of Salvador may hold
bis job a week and at tbe end of that
time be ba; ked against a stone wall
and shot beyond the reach ol worldly
honors. Altogether tbe head of the
New fork girl appears to be level.
The Ameer of Afghanistan bus is
sued a proclamation to his people
aak ng for their consent to his visit
ing London 'for the good of our holy
religion and the glory of our great
country." Which shows that the
Ameer Is eligible to an engagement
as a professional wit Tbe only per
son who will fail to appreciate the
joke is her Majesty the Queen, who
silslikes very much to have her royal
oriental friends visit London because
It Imposes upon ber a few more farth
ings in the pound of expenses for en
tertainment The owner of a valuable iron de
posit in the East learned by accident
that bis ore contained a quantity of
to element that produce tbe black
est dye known to chemistry or com
Mrce, d worth some fabulous
price par ounce. Delighted at tbe
prospect of wealth, be mads ready to
prodoos bis dye, bat preliminary in.
rtetlgaUoa showed that the total
df ind for tbe staff was not more
(tea s low pounds per annum He
gave tp tbe scheme as a eoamarelal
vealon. though be bad. m he e
Clares, enough of the stuff to blacken
the face of tbe universe.
A rjssidewt of Olympia, Wash.,
named Scott, wandered away and
was supposed to be dead. After his
estate had been administered upon
he reappered, with a denial of tbe
allegation of mortal dissolution. The
Court would not listen, but told Mr.
Scott that having been judiciously
declared dead he was dead, and, as a
corpse, could expect no standing.
Then Mr. Scott missed tbe chance
of his life. He could have called the
Court a bald -beaded Idiot, for no
cadaver could be in contempt, and
have smitten the Court with a club,
for action for assault will not lie
against the deceased. But instead
of this he appealed, and the higher
court being compos mentis, has de
cided that he is still on earth.
It is a fact known to tbe builders
of sky-scrapers that there is a con
stant and uneven motion going on
throughout the whole structure,
called by some molecular vibration,
to an extent which can be measured
with tbe naked eye. Girders will
move an inch or more, and then come
back into place. The causes of ths
movement are as yet entirely un
Known, as are their extent and dura
tion. Another peril which menaces
this claps cf building is oxidation.
The steel frames are inclosed in fire
proofing, and beyond the reach of ex
amination or the application of pre
servatives. The dtsintegrat on mar
be slow, but tbe dar must come, so
say good authorities, when the great
building must succumb to r ist and
ruin.
The following stoiy is told by a
writer in tbe Pall Mall of an exam
lug clerk in tbe audit 01 ce, or treas
ury, who. finding in tbe traveling ac
count rendered by a queen's mes
senger an item of two shillings put
down for "porter," thought well to
consider this as an item fur refresh
ment and as such to be disallowed.
When it was explained to blm that
the charge in question was lor tbe
service of railway Dorters, the great
man was mollified, contenting him
self with requesting that the appli
cant should express himself more
clearly in future. "This, sir, should
have been entered as 'porterage,' not
as 'Dorter.'" Accordingly, in the
next account sent in. there figured
an item of four shillings lor cab
bage," to tbe intense disgust of the
quill -driver.
TriE suggestion of a Washington
correspondent for a star-spangled
postage stamp is a good one and
me its bea ty approval. Such a
stamp as be p o poses would mean
sometb'ng nationally . and inter
nationally. It would be a constant
reminder of the flag to eve ybody in
tbe land who sends o receives let
ters; that is, to all who have anv in
telligence; and it would be a wonder
fully cheering sight to the American
in foreign lands who often goes for
weeks or m3nths w tbout a glimpse
of the emb em of freedom except
wben he visits minister p.' consul
We have had a good deal of va iety
In stamps, from tbe wretched pi ture
of a locomotive to tbe huge placa d
which adve tised the Columbiin Ex
position, liit we have had none
thus tar In the history of the coun
try so d it nctive, so cha acte istlc,
and so patriotic as tbe star-spangled
stamp would be.
Despite tbe acknowledged fact
that justice lags more and more every
year and that nine out of ten crim
inals escape punishment altogether,
there are still In this country just
and i.p ight not to say Draconian
jidges who treat malefactors with
proper severity. One of these Dan
iels Is located in Martin ( ounty,
Ky., and although he is only a justice
of tbe Peace, bis dignity and stern
seuse of right might well be envied
by many of h i brethren of tbe courts
of record. Tbe other day a man was
brought before blm charged with
horse stealing, and after bearing all
the evidence the Martin Co .ntr
jurist solemnly ajucged that the
prisoner be Immediately taken out
aod banged by the neck until dead.
As the constable was perfectly will
ing to execute tbe mandate and the
spectators were entirely In sympathy
with it, the outlook for tbe criminal
was black Indeed; but his counsel,
after gasping for breath two or thr
times, finally found bis voice lon
enough to protest with great vigot
and tbe execution was deferred until
blgher authority could l appealed U
for a stay of judgment Of cours
tbls postponed tbe hanging lnded
nltely, but the warning has been a
valuable one to evil disposed per-'ooi
o horses will be stolen in Mart'n
County for a long time to come.'
The Kiwi.
The Klwt of New Zealand lays an
egg which weighs fourteen and a half
ounces, and tbe contents thirteen
ounces. Tbe living bird weighs only
slity oanees, so that the weight of sa
saw appears to be nearly equal to one
fourth of tke whole weight of Um
toft.
A SONS FOR ALL SEASONS.
Ah! Utile ml it aawrr world:
Say ao, and a not (baa ftrtoral
T to til to Mr M.
Dare the ehars tbltle aod the prickly tbora,
AM luabe tor lay ao;
If t li a lurry world' then I
Will pluck tba tbora, and whiatle though I
cry.
Tbou, voutb, tinea Ufa la all Is low. titoa too
bej ao, and ba not tba aaat dowa ;
"Til all m aar-au.
And if on tbe a maid do- b nougat but (rows,
Yat make thy lar o.
Mnca life la (till Is luring. 1.
When ajf love fro aa, will whiitle though I
eifh.
Kay, man, a kindly and a marry world I
hay ao, vbn thou art near thine and;
"1 i all in .ay-ao.
hi armor f- od by to life a tby beat friend.
And make thy lar ao:
Pe.t life, if 1 nun leave tbea, I
Will apeak tbea fair and whialla though I die.
Century.
THE GOLDROOM.
The night mal from Paris panted
Into Calais tier station only five
minutes late. Tbe usual scrambling
exodus of passengers eager to tfet a
snack at tbe buffet before the si earner
was due to start betran almost before
the train bad stopped.
My employment Is that of travel
ing clerk to an express company,
whose business It is to convey be
tween 1 aris and London valuables
Intrusted to it by clients.
I was more than usually anxious
that night, because it was marked
Ijy the inauguration ot a new system.
Hither the valuables bad been placed
by one of us in tbe go'droom rented
by our compauy on tbe steamers.
The room had been carefully locked, J
and the property had been left to
take care of its If until it got to
Itover, where it was met by another
official of the company, who was pro
vided with a duplicate key.
Tbe captains of the boats were
also in possession of keys in case it
should be necessary for the safety of
the ship to enter tbe goklroom.
These precautions, however, had
proved insui.cient. Although the
locks of the goldrooui door were
safety ones "of tbe most approved
kind, impressions in wax had been
obtained, false keys had been manu
factured, and roliberl :s had been fre
quent perpetrated, without doubt,
during the passage across the channel
by a gang or expert thieves.
In consequence, an official was to
accompany In future every consign
ment and keep watch and ward at
the gold room door.
That night the consignment was
of small bulk, but of extraordinary
value. It consisted ot two tin boxes,
one of which contained notes on the
Bank of (ranee, sent to the Bank of
England la payment for tbe purchase
of 600,000 sovereigns; the box con
tained negotiable bonds, with cou
pons attached, of the new Turkish
loan the property of the largest
financial house in tbe world.
The bonds were worth A'250,000, so
my total charge amounted to 13,750,
000. Two of the company's porters had
accompanied me from l'aris to assist
in shipping the boxes. As I stood
on tbe platform watching my men
haul tbe boxes from the treasury van
1 was tapped on tbe shoulder by one
of the French detectives whose duty
it is to keep an eye on tbe boats.
"You cross to-night under the new
arrangement. Mr. Dutton, I think,"
he whispered.
That is so," I replied. "Have
you taken stock of my lellow pas
sengers'" "Ye," he said; "and 1 have not
spotted any suspicious characters so
far. Ah! stand aside there, mon
ami: make way for mad a me," and
tbe detective pulled me gently back
a step to allow a solemn procession
to i ass along the platform to the
gangway of the steamer,
A couple of railway porters were
carrying a sick woman, by whose
side walked a tall maid. Two other
porters followed, wheeling unmis
taicably feminine luggage.
The detective stepped quickly to
the side of the truck and read the
address painted In large white letters
on one of tbe packages.
"Mme la Comtes.se Bruno." he
said as be rejoined me. "It Is not
a title with which I am famll ar.
Mon cher, It might be as well if you
kept yourself acquainted with that
lady's wbereab iuts on the boat."
"What! Have you cause for sus
picion?" I asked.
"Not in the leat. 1 did not re
cognize either tbe grand dame or ber
maid. Only, when one comes across
a title inknown to us of the French
police it makes one auttous that Is
all, my friend. Bon vogage "
The detective moved away, and 1
followed my men on board the boat,
each carrying one of the boxes. On
the gangway 1 met tbe captain, to
whom I was well known jolly old
Capt Temple.
"Hullo, my boy:" he said. "So
you're going with us, That's good;
you'll relieve me of a lot of responsi
bility. 1 got my new key for your
precious new lock from the agent to
day, but I've hit on a better dodge
than all the locks In the world. Just
come along with me."
Captalu Temple led the way be
low. 1 followed with my men. Tbe
goldroom was situated on the main
deck in a little recess aft of tbe sa
loon. It was about tea feet square and
was approached by a passage Ave
yards long running out of tbe saloon,
In which, as we passed through, 1
noti ed tbe invalid lady and ber at
tendant being ushered Into a state
room by tbe stewardess.
The stateroom was tbe nearest to
the goldroom passagea fact which
further Impressed upon me tbe bint
given bv the detective
The captain opened the door of
tbe goldroom with hi key, and my
men deposited the botes on tbe floor.
Captain Temple waited nntll I bad
disnlsesd tbea and then stooped
down in another corner of tbe room
and pailed at a sma 1 tag of wire
s tbaa protraded through a bote.
When be cot eswagh wire to make
a fair sited loop, be carried over one
of the loxes, put the loop of wire
arouod it aod turned to me with a
smile
"There, Dutton," be said. "Now
if any oue touches that box I shall
know it up on the bridge as soon as
you will iu tbe saloon there - sxiner
if you don't happen to spot them go
ing In."
I complimented the skipper on his
ingenuity, though 1 ma e the oiea
tal reservation that on occasions
when 1 happened to be on duly bis
electric bell would never be used. I
did not mean to lake my eye off that
passage during tbe voyage.
The captain put the other box on
the top of tbe one to which the wire
was attached, and after a last look
round we locked the door, this time
with my key, to make sure that tbe
new lock answered satisfactorily to
both of them.
It was a Doe night, and the saloon
was nearly empty, most of the pas
sengers preferring the fresh air on
deck, one respectal.le old gentle
man, was Immersed In a book at tbe
table that ran down the center of the
saloon, but with this exception ail
the occupants of tbe niace were
ladies, and not many of thcui.
In my immediate viclulty only one
lady was sitting, and 1 paid very
little attention to ber, all my
thoughts being concentrated on tbe
goldrojin door, with just a wink now
j and then toward tbe invalid lady's
cabin.
But it soon came to me that the
lady near me was in trouble of some
kind. From my position I coula see
ber without turniug rou. id, and 1 no
ticed that she kept ber bead in ber
bands and appeared to be shaking
with suppressed sobbing.
At length she raided ber face and
looked at me. Her eyes were red
with weening and the e were tears
on ber cheeks. She was quite young
and very pretty far too pretty to be
traveling alone, I thought.
There was a plead ng expression In
ter eyes as she looked at me which
half suggested that she re juired
some service at my bands, tbougt I
quite made up my mind not to grant
It, whatever It might le, if It should
take me from my post for one slrgle
instant. Beauty in distress was a de
coy not altogether unknown in tbu
annals of crime, and at tbe risk of
impoliteness, I would avoid all
chance of becoming a victim.
Hesitating and struggling with
emot on, the girl opened her lij and
essayed to speak. Tbe words seemed
to come with difficulty and were al
most Inaudible.
"May 1 ask you to give me your at
tention for a moment.'" she stam
mered. "Believe me. It is on a mat
ter of great Importance,"
"I am on duty here." I answered,
and l ean not come over to von. You
bad better come a little nearer."
"It Is about your duty 1 wish to
speak," whs ber astounding reply as
she moved over and took a scat by
my side. "You aie in charge of the
goldroom, are you not?"
"Yes," i said shortly, not know
ing what to expect.
She paused for a moment and then
went on, speakb g hurriedly in a
whisper. ' I wish to save my brother
from the prepetration or a great
crime," she said. "He is a dupe of a
wicked man of lied Jem, tbe notori
ous boat th.ef and his gang. There
is a plot on loot to steal the valua
bles from the goldroom to-night A
thousand times better for my brother
to suffer a punishment at tbe hands
of the law for a first unsuccessful at
tempt than u become a hardened
criminal. Oh, sir, stop blm in time,
and be as me cifui as your duty will
permit."
The young lady need have no ap
prehens.on lest I should fail to stop
tbe robbery, I said to myself. Then
I asked aloud, "Where is your
brother, then?"
"In tbe goldroom at this moment,"
was tbe reply, which took my breath
awav.
"Impossible " I exclaimed. "I
have not moved from tbls spot since
tbe goldroom door was locked."
"My brother slipped Into the pas
sage way after we started, while you
were looking at tbe cabin door. He
was concealed under the saloon table.
And you do not know Led -lem, sir.
He has master kes that will fit any
lock."
1 was puzzled sorely. I felt as
sure as man could fee) that no one
could have passed into tbe passage
without my seeing blm. And, agiln,
If there were some one in the gold
room tampering with the boxes, how
was it that the captain's boasted
electric bell had not warned blm up
on the bridge:
However, my duty was obvious. I
must unlock the door and see tor my
self ifanytbing was wrong. 1 drew
tbe key from my pocket and ar
proacbed tbe door, followed by tbe
weeping girl, who now began to show
signs of repenting ber confidence In
me.
"He is only a lad, sir, only a lad.
Sp ire blm If you can, and remember
that I, bis sister, prevented the rob
bery." I put tbe key In the lock and the
heavy door swung back, opening in
wara. There was no light In the
place beyond what reached It from
tbe saloon, and in the dim corner I
could see tbe boxes Just as we left
them. But there was no robber.
I took a step forwaid to look be
hind tbe door, In case perchance he
was lurking there, and then In a
moment I knew that 1 was done
Lithe arms stole ar jund my neck
and pressed a tllthy plaster of some
substance over my mouth; several
pairs of strong bands gripped me
from behind and cast me to tbe
floor.
As 1 tell the door of the goldroom
swung to, and all wa darkness.
But only for a second. A silent
match bla ed up, and a candle was
lighted which i bone on strange eoss-
pany
Kneeling on my chest and b adog
me with a vigor which ill accorded
with ber assumed cahracter was tbe
sicki countess," whom I bad seen
carried ou board.
Helping to hold me down ww the
tall maid who who had walked by
her side, wh le. cover ng me with the
shining barrel of a revolver was the
girl who had induced me to open
the doors, a horrid grin on ber face
in place of tears
There yo i are, friend Dutton."
said the "countess," who was no
other than Ked Jem b mself. "I
think you will do cow, for tbe few
minutes we jhall require you. What
a pity it is that your people have
been so smart You see that nice
new lock compelled us to get you to
be so olilmlnif as to open tbe door for
us. Look alive with tbe pigments,
1(111, and get on with your makeup "
1 was half da ed with tbe sudden
ness of tbe attack, but my senses
were rapidly clearing, and I was be
ginning to appreciate tbe value of
Ca t. Temple's electric bell. What
ever happened to me, 1 thought, the
loxes wuuid be all ritibt tbe alarm
would ring directly tbey were
touched.
1 was soon to be undeceived. I
was held against tbe wall by
the powerful hands of Ked
Jem, looking i-trangely fantastic in
his fem niue dress.
The "tall maid" who bad been ad
dressed as lull rapidly divested her
self of her top clothing. Then my
clothes were taken from me, and Bill
put them on, standing revealed at
last in his proper character of a neat
ly built young man of about my own
height.
As soon as he was dressed in my
clothes he took up an actor's paint
box and proceeded to make sundry
alterations in bis face. Bit by bit
tbe likeness grew, till In front of me
stood a counterpart of myself a
eounterpa t that my mother might
have mistaken for ihe original
"Now, Mr. Dutton," said Bed
.lem, "you see our little game per
haps. My friend Bill will relieve you
of your duties an i will see the bonds
sa ely ashore, Katie will take lilli's
place as a much more appropriate
maid and will escort me tbe sick
Comptesse de Jfrune bark to her
cabin while the coast is clear. Neat,
isn't it?"
"Yes," I said, "but what are you
going to do with me'"'
Ah, my dear friend," he replied,
with a horrible grin on his painted
face, "that is the sad part of IL
You have got to die, Dutton. I'm
sorry, but sl.oou.oou is worth a man's
life.
"Bill, where' that knife? No
body would be likely to bear the pistol
down h'-re, but It's best to l sure."
My couuterfeit drew a glistening
dagger from the clothes he had re
moved and gave it to lied Jem.
There was but one chanre for me.
and that was to r ng tbe electric bell
To shout would be to incur certain
death, and tbe odds were that in
that out of tbe way place, amid the
rush or water and the noise of tbe
addles, no one would bear my cry.
But how to get free in time:
"I suppose you will give me two
minutes to make my peace?" 1 said.
"Oh, ye-, If you think it wor b
while to prolong the agony," said tbe
chief. "Only be quick about it"
"It may seem odd to you, but I
have scruples about these matters,"
I said. "Would you o!ect to loosing
this strap round my legs so that I
can kneel? You see that it Is Im
possible to escape with the door
locked and three of you here."
"I'm the best natured fellow In
the world" replied tbe bloodthirsty
scoundrel, and he stooped and un
buckled the strap. "There, get lo
your pravers and don't be long about
IL You can use your precious bond
boxes as a desK, if you like."
In those last words be sealed his
own fate and that of his companions.
Outwa dly aim, but in reality
trembling with excitement, I as
sumed a devotional attitude In the
corner ot the goldroom, resting my
elbows on tbe top of tho uppermost
box. With my knees 1 gently pushed
tbe lower one so as to bring a strain
on the wi e.
Once, twice, thrice, I p esscd it
and then knelt down in prayer which
It Is very certain was not at all make
believe.
Bed Jem and his companions were
whispering by the door, and from
the scraps of conversation that
reached me I lea ned that my body
was to be thrown overboard.
"Now, young man, time's up,"
said the principal vlllian at length,
advancing to where I knelt, but as be
did so I Knew that 1 was saved.
There was a burr ed rush of many
feet outside, the door was thrown
open and Captain Temple, pistol in
band, and followed by a half a dozen
men, burst in.
For a moment be was puzzled at
the likeness between me and tbe rob
ber known as Bill, but be soon
grasped the sltuatioa lied Jem and
his gang will not trouble tbe Dover
uiall boats lor many a day, and I have
since bea d that bis wife tbe Katie
who so cleverly Imposed upon me lo
tbe saloon, and aitcrward held a pis
tol to my head died in prison.
After all, it was tbe captain's In
vention, and not my care of the gold
room key, which saved the company's
property, and, what is not of so much
luifiortance, thedlfeof one of Its serv
ants, Waverly Magazine.
Wholly Charitable.
This amateur rformance you
speak of was it a charitable affair?"
"Oh, yes, the people knew the young
folks were doing as well as they
(ould." Boston Transcript
Some people are always going tc
school entertainment and then
complaining because they didn't
have a good time.
Twlrgraphra' Mistake).
The funny mistakes of telegraphers
are as numerous as those charged up
to p oof readers, two on the former
have junt come In. A gentleman
who has been an eitens ve traveler,
aod conse'iiientiy uot suoj4ed to
overbjok any details, saw his wife off
on a tra n for the slope the other day.
U was supiosed that everything had
tieen arranged. The good -by aod its
accouiuaniuieot had been pissed and
the gentleman returned to his home,
that night his w.fe suddenly remem
bered that she had left a valuable
adjunct to her happiness, and wrote
a message to her husband which he
received tbe following ruoruiug at bis
o 1 ce. It read
"Forgot Think conductor has
teleuraphed for it."
lie read it again, and again it read
as at first? Forgot what'.' he
murmured. And he read it again,
and kept reading it until tbe words
run together and bis temples
throbbed. He sent a message to bis
house asking the servants f .Mrs.
had left anything. They made n3
discoveries, of course. Then he sent
a message to the operator at the
oWce from wh ch his w.ie's message
wis sent asking bim to rej eat IL He
waited for an answer. He lost bis
luncheon and bis dinner waiting. He
remained at his office until late at
night, and as he was about to leave
In desnair he received an answer to
his. Itread: "Forgot trunk. Con
ductor has telegraphed for It"
r-ure enough. The word ' trunk"
had been made to read think. But
wasn't it strange that a man who had
traveled all over the world should
come to his own home to forget to
check his wife's trunk? He laughed
to himself, af ler it was all over.
But It had cost hlin lots of worry.
Equally fuuny is this one:
A lady had leceivtd a letter from
her oia borne In Concecticut which
caused ber a good deal of trouble.
Her answer to it was by wire. W ben
it was delivered in the Connectlcat
bouic it read:
"How's t,he weather?-'
What a i exasperating query at
such a tune The letter referred to
the lady's mother's health. The
dispatch should have read, "How's
mother?"
A little different is this one: A
gentleman sent bis wife a message
from Washington, March 4, into,
prepaid, and it has not been de
livered up to the present writing.
The correspondence between the
Chlcaco o 1 ce and the Washington
and New i ork o;t ces about the
transaction has accumulated until
the batch looks like the papers in a
long continued law suit Chicago
l'ost.
Uot the C'ommlaalon, Too,
He Is a sharp business man who
can get the better of Mrs. Hetty
Green, the wealthy financier. When
the business depression was weighing
most heavily upon the count, y a ri h
New Yorker who wished a large sum
of ready money wished to place a
mortgaue on one of the most valu
able pieces cf real estate in New
York City. His brokers set forth to
negotiate the loan, but ca-h was ex
tremely scarce, even when the finest
security was offered for it- Among
others whom the brokers saw in re
gard to the loan was a certain banker
who knows Mrs. Green. He was un
able to make tbe loan, and could
think of no oue who could. Meeting
Mrs. Green the next day, however,
he said to ber:
"Oh, why didn't I 'thing of you
yesterday? Mr. '. 's brokers were
in to see me to borrow a million."
"On what?" asked Mrs, Green;
and the banger explained the secu
rity, the terms, etc
"You can go and see the brokers
now," bo said. "Y'ou will be wel
come. A million Isn't easy to ra so
in these days, and there Is a pretty
commission In It for them if they can
net the money from you. They'll be
glad to sec you."
But they did not see Mrs. Greea
She had no intention of letting that
commission go astray. She saw Mr.
herself, gave him the loan at
her rate of interest, and took the
commission also for getting the loan.
A Clever llluaion.
An Ingenio is Frenchmau has ar
ranged a clever optical Illusion,
which, while it is intended to be
used for pecuniary profit, and not
for scientific advancement. Is a most
convincing proof of the visible e.lect
of imaglnat on on tbu physical func
tions of the body.
In a tall, one storied building Is
arrangrd a wooden swing, similar to
those i scd on picnic gro nds. The
Interior walls of the bu Iding are ap
parently painted to represent a wooe
land s ene. . l'ersons are Invited 1 1
take a ride, and when one or two
get into the wooden box seat they
are strapped in securely by an attend
ant, and warned to "hold on tight."
Then they go, slow at first, b t in
a minute or two so last at:d so high
that they are In Imminent danger of
turning completely over. A man In
tbe swing usually turns pale and
grips harder. A woman screams,
and when tbe machine slows d wn
she gets out reeling very faint. This
disappears when the attendant shows
her that tbe swing Is stationary and
han; moved and Inch. The pa nted
walls are not walls at all, but can
vas, so adji stcd. as to move and give
the people in the swing tbe impr a
Ion that they arc human pendulums
going at a reckless rate. The Im
press on In the mind Is precisely the
same as though the swinging actually
took place. New York Mall and Ex
press V .'man nature never, changes, If
a man promises to do better than
men have done In tbe past, do not
be! eve blm.
Why are boots and shoes like door
mats? Because tbey are worn by
the feet
