THE AMERICAN
MRS. NIWPOPS RIVAL.
ror OMr Dm Mar Tls Trjlaf
t l'aMlea4.
"Home, sweet homer
Aa Goorge Nrpop murmured lb
word there was a bsppr Hunt tn bit
eye, mm the N York WorM. Ills
day's work done, and mamma auJ
baby aaitsl him In the window above.
Rounding up the talr, he IiIimmhI the
haby and k!wd In mother ain and
again. An Instant laier hit light heart
Warn hvr. Tb conjugal tempera
ture a dropping a afore of dfjrraa a
econd.
"What's the matter. dfr?" be In
qulrrd. sternly.
"There's- there's nothing the mat
ter," Mr. Newpop replied, brokenly,
nd her tone condrmed his worst sua-pli-lona.
"Y. there la," be persisted. "I am
unconscious of having done anything
to-"
Men always are. They never do
anything, of course. It to always the
wife who Is to blamer cried Mrs. New
pop, bursting Into tears.
"For haven's sake toll lue what I've
done," ploadd New pop.
"Youyou kissed the baby four
fourteen times."
"Well, what of that? Why shouldn't
f Via him fourteen time, or fourteen
hundred?"
"Hut you only k-kUtsed me th-th-thlrtwn.
and I wish I waa dead "
"Were dead, dear; were dead."
"Well, were dead, then. You only
pissed me thirteen time,"
"Is that so? I did not Intend to dis
criminate, dear"
"Yes, you did. Since baby came you
have not loved your wife a bit. You
I love the baby all the time and I'm In
vccond place, and and I wlah I were
flead, no there!"
"llut I never thought anything about
It. and as for the baby don't I always
rail him the sweetest thing on earth
except his mother?"
"You uaod to, but do not any any
more."
"What nonsense! Compared with you
the baby Is nothing to me."
"Now, don't add prevarication to
four other Bins, Oeorge Newpop."
"I'm not. dear. The fact Is I've
never cared very much for the baby
plnee he wwa born," Newpop protested,
eloquently,
"What, don't you love that baby?"
"Not much he keeps us awake
tights and yells daya and"
Ills further utterance was cut short
Toy the most heartbroken wall that had
yet escaped Mrs. Newpop'a lips.
"Wretch, wretch! Unnatural creature.
Dot to love that dear, aweet, angel
baby I" she cried, rushing from the
room.
For a moment the astounded New
pop stood Racing after her like a man
suddenly confronted with the riddle of
the sphinx. i
"Well I'll be Jiggered !" he cried at
last "I wonder If Solomon, with all
his wives and all his wisdom, ever
really knew what a woman would do
next?"
Horses Will Remain.
The horseless age Is a long way off.
It Is out of sight, and la likely to re
main so, notwithstanding the arrival
of the bicycle and the motor wagon.
"When the reaper was Invented pessi
mists foretold the starvation of the
agricultural laborer. The sewing ma
chine was bitterly fought by people
who saw nothing In store for the seam
stress. The world to-day knows the
results. It is true that electric street
railways have dispensed with the serv
ice of many thousand horses and that
the bicycle has decidedly injured the
livery business, and yet It Is a fact
that the export trade In American
horses Is making giant strides forward,
The exports for 1S95, Just compiled,
are 13,000,000 In value about twice
that of 1S94. Europe will keep on
buying American horses, and the
equine which at home has survived
the competition of the eteam railroad
and the trolley line will hold its own
with the "bike" and the horseless
wagon. Horses will be cheaper, Just
as watches are cheaper now than for
merly, that is all. New York Journal.
French Colonial I'ollry Illustrated.
An Important discovery has been re
cently made in Madagascar which will
have the effect of considerably increas
ing the value of that Island for France.
Gold has been discovered between Ta-
matave and Antanauarlve, where the
conformation of the country is very
similar to that on the Rand. Already
some twenty-eight prospectors have
left the Transvaal for Tamatave. The
French, however, are placing every
possible obstacle In the way of allow
ing foreign prospectors to commence
digging, and a 25-franc license Is now
required to be taken out before opera
tions can be commenced. The author
ities seize upon the slightest pretense
for refusing this license, and every ef
fort Is being made to keep all claims In
French hands. Westminster Gazette.
PANAMA BILLS IN CINCINNATI.
Three Ilaa4re4 tears lla laateke
Mm They Were ieel.
Two old and remarkable Oils have
Juitt been received by the Cincinnati
Hell foundry company from Panama,
South America, says tht Cincinnati Enquirer.
The gentleman who hlpp" rm
from Panama states In a letter that
these belli have an Interesting history.
The letter reads:
'You might desire to know something
of the, two old bells sent you outside
of a commercial value. The small one
was cast In the year 1600 and the large
one In 1720. They have been useless
as bell for rears but have served to
carry back the thoughts of the Spanish
populare here to the old days when this
continent was not so great and so
thickly populated as at present
"1 am sorry that public spirit was not
of a sufficient character to keep them
as a relic of the days when our fore
fathers fought with the natives and the
wild animals, which In that time were
plentiful In this region.
"The small bell was first placed In a
rudely constructed catholic church. It
served both as a call to worship and an
alarm when there was danger from
the natives. For many years It re
mained In this old church' but was
eventually transferred to the steeple of
new church at about the year 1700.
From this edifice It was again moved
to a newer one, always with great
pomp and ceremony and each time con
secrated by the bishop. Dut, like all
other things of earth, It became old,
broken and was finally abandoned as
useless and thrown among a lot of
church rubbish, though It had a his
tory of the country and Is probably the
oldest bell in America,
The history of the large bell, cast
In 1720, Is similar to that of the small
one, excepting that It was placed tn the
steeple of the San Rafael church and
remained there until It bad become
useless."
The bell cast In 1720 bears the fol
lowing Inscription:
"S. Rafael, Anno Domini De, 1720."
These two old bells are peculiar In
shape aa compared with those of the
present day. The top of the bells Is
nearly as large as the base. They are
made of the highest quality of copper,
with a mixture of silver. Doth of ths
bells Indicate that they have received
rough usage. From all appearances it
seems that after the clappers were lost
sledge-hammer was used to strike
them. The Cincinnati Art museum has
made application for these bells and
they will be placed on exhibition there.
The small bell weighs 100 pounds and
the large one 200. The crown by which
the bells were bung seems to have
rotted away In part from old age.
Nothing to Do.
Sensible men who have been hard
workers are always talking about the
(line when they can retire from bust
ness. They have kept regular hours
and had busy lives, full of Interests
and cares and they Imagine they want
to lay these aside and rest. They do
not know they havs lost the ability
to enjoy rest and that the great pleas
ure of life Is in work, not In Idleness,
Frequently men carry out their plans.
They go out of business. They have
nothing to do and they find out for the
first time how Interminably long a day
can be that has no duties in It and
they wear themselves out trying to
have a good time. Generally a man
then makes the discovery that he has
a liver, or the gout, or some ailment
that he can nurse Into a disease. Ho
sits with his fingers on his pulse be
cause he has nothing else to do; he
undertakes to teach his wife how to
keep house and makes himself a nul
sanee to his frlets because he has
nothing else to occupy his mind. It la
reported that Bismarck, when he had
the reins of power taken from him,
chafed at Inaction and said that It was
a curious feeling to wake up In the
morning and feel that the only thing
he had to do was to wind up his
watch. That may be enough occupa
tion for a hair-brained chappie, but a
man who has led a busy and useful
life wants something better to do if
he is to keep healthy in mind and
body. New Orleans Picayune.
WtTTINO THE PIPE.
t'rereata BHere4 free IWrelaf
Rapidly A way Iael4 Ibe Bowl.
"The practice of wetting the bowl
of a new brlerwood pipe before filling
It with tobacco for the Drat time Is an
essentially German custom bre In New
York," remarked a tobacco dealer In
lower Broadway the other day aa a
man who had Just purchased a ptp
walked over to the water cooler and
lied the bowl with water, relates the
New York Journal. "A brier pipe is
the easiest thing to hold between the
teeth when you are working at a desk
r on the street, and nine Germans out
of ten smoke them during the day, al
though at night when comfortably di
gesting dinner they prefer to puff away
it a long-stemmed affair. The reason
for wetting the pipe first Is simple
enough. The wood gets bone dry after
vlng been In the shop for months,
aa most pipes are, and if It was not
et It would burn out In a compara
tively short time. If you allow a pipe
to soak for a few minutes before light
ing It for the first time the wood will
char very gradually, and as time goes
an It will absorb more evenly the nico
tine, which will make It sweet to the
hardened pipe smoker. Most people
think that there Is a vast difference In
the quality of the wood between a
brier pipe that coats $2 and one that
coats 25 cents, and nearly every dealer
Is glad to foster thto Idea. But the
fact Is that the difference in price lies
In the mouthpiece. The 2 pipe has
mouthpiece of amber, and the finer
the quality of amber the higher the
price. But the quality of wood is
about the same In a cheap pipe aa In
one that costs dollars. Of course, In a
cheap pipe there may be flaws In the
wood that have been deftly puttied up,
but a careful buyer, when he has a
number of pipes to choose from, can
easily detect these If he looks eharply.
25-cent pipe, it Judiciously selected.
will smoke Just as well and last as
long as a more costly one."
Noiseless and Smokclrli Locomotives
There is now in use In the Grand
Central station, New York, a locomo
tive which switches passenger cars
without any noise. While the engine
glides up and down the tracks Bhuntlng
rows of cars no smoke is to be seen
nor can the noise of escaping steam
be beard. The big engine exhausts and
uses its own steam. It is what is known
as a compound locomotive, and was
designed by William Buchanan, master
mechanic of the New York Central and
Hudson River railroad. He has sue
ceeded in doing away with the objec
tionable sound of the exhaust.
Too Many llegglng Letter.
The emperor of Germany has re
ceived recently so many letters from
children begging for presents of vari
ous kinds that he haa issued through
jhe minister of instruction an order to
the public school teachers to discour
age the writing of such letters by
pupils, except in cases of necessity.
Nerer.
Cunllffe "Did Roarer ever realize
any of his political ambitions?" "No,
poor fellow; he never got any higher
'than the position of a favorite son."
Philadelphia North American.
Superstition.
Superstition has no place in God's re
ligion nf this aee. All the power of
working miracles that ever was on earth
Is on earth now. Rev. J. fc.. KODem.
Applying the rrorerb.
Roadside Jim "Dere seems to be
some truf in de sayin' dat heaven help
dem wot helps deruselves." Ragweed
Reggie "What makes yer t'lnk so?
Roadside Jim" 'Cause If we hadn't er
gone an helped ourselves to dat cold
ham in de kitchen we'd never seed dem
summer suits hangin' up dere."
Washington Times.
UNABLE TO FIND A MATCH.
from
Lhe Lovers Could Mot Tell One
Toothpick.
It was dark In the hall, her eco
nomlcal parent having turned out the
gas, and the late young man could
not find his hat, says the St. Louis
Republic.
"Give me a match, dear," she whis
pered, and he felt with his disengaged
hand for a match, assuring her at the
tame time that It was impossible he
could find a match for her and little
imagining that he was speaking the
bitter truth.
No flame followed her feeble attempt
to strike a match on the wall paper
and the young man produced another,
and another, until it seemed aa It he
must be a peripatetic match factory.
But no glimmer of light appeared.
"Those matches cannot be the kind
they make In heaven," he said, and
lust then a stentorian voice from the
upper story called:
Mary Elleri! What idiot Is keeping
you up to this hour of the night!"
And the young man said in the
dulcet tones of love s young dream
that he would take the first hat he
could find and forthwith departed into
the cold, hard world.
And the next morning at breakfast
the old gentleman said he'd be blamed
it he wanted to keep open house for a
pair of idiots who didn't know the dif
ference between a sulphur match and
toothpick
To-morrow and To-morrow,
"Tomorrow," I said, "I will cleanly
live;"
But I spoke with a drunken mind;
"Tomorrow," I cried, "to the poor 1 11
give,"
As I scattered my wealth to the wind.
But tomorrow cameand hersmlles were
sweet.
And the wine was sparkling and red;
And my riches were rolled In a winding
sheet
And the poor had to beg his bread.
Tomorrow," I cried, "I will go to
Christ.
For Tophet's too hot today;"
But tomorrow came and the Styx was
Iced
And the devil there was to pay.
And all my good Is In after-now,
And the present is always here;
And I know how the voice of my pres
ent vow
Will sound In Tomorrow's ear.
For Tomorrow will ever a prospect be,
.Unborn In the future's womb,
Till I see it stand in God's chancery,
My Judge at the crack of doom.
Temple Bar.
Estraeu fresa the III Me fled Opera
Eeetera tllleetaaea.
The practice of putting up religious
signs at country croa roads is becom
ing quit popular "down east." One
sign put up recently on a milestone
reads as follows:
Reader, this Is what you would like
to be. It Is quite natural. All people
want to be happy. But remember my
words this day: The true Chrlit-an.
the believer in Christ, the converted
man, he la the only happy man. Such
a one Is an ark. When the last fiery
deluge Is sweeping over all things on
the surface of the earth. It shall not
come nigh him. He shall be caught
up, and borne securely above It all. He
is In Christ Such a one is In a hiding-
place. When God arises to Judge ter
ribly the earth, and men are calling to
rocks and mountains to fall upon them
and cover them, the everlasting arms
shall be thrown around htm, and the
storm shall pass over his head. He
shall abide under the shadow of the
Almighty. He Is In Christ. Such a
one Is in a city of refuge. The accuser
of the brethren can lay no charge
against bim. The law cannot con
demn him. There Is a wall between
bim and the avenger of blood. The
enemies of his soul cannot hurt him.
He Is In a secure sanctuary. He is In
Christ Such a one is rich. He has
treasure In heaven which cannot be
affected by worldly changes. He need
not envy the richest merchants and
bankers. He has a portion that will
endure when bank-notes and sover
eigns are worthless things. He has
Christ Such a one Is Insured. He Is
ready tor anything that may happen.
Nothing can harm him. Banks may
break, and governments may be over
turned. Famine and pestilence may
rage around him. Sickness and aor
row may visit his own fireside. But
still he Is ready for all ready for
health, ready for disease, ready for
tears, ready for Joy, ready for poverty.
ready for plenty, ready for life, ready
for death. He has Christ Reader
this happiness may be yours. Seek
Christ and be happy. Repent, be
lieve, follow Jesus, and you will be a
happy man.
Monkeys as Gold Miners.
Competition Is very keen In the gold
mines of the Transvaal. Some twenty-
four monkeys were recently put to
work as day laborers in the mine op
erated by Capt. E. Moss of Boston.
Their work Is bo satisfactory that their
services are accepted tn place of ordi
nary workmen. Capt Moss recently
published an account of his remarkable
monkey miners In the Boston Evening
Transcript. He says the twenty-four
monkeys do the work of seven able
bodied men, and they do some of the
work more satisfactorily. There are
besides no strikes or other labor trou
bles among these new workmen. The
monkeys' work is the gathering of
small pieces of quartz, which they care
fully pile into little heaps. Their sharp
eyes detect the small gold-bearing
pieces of quartz, which an ordinary
workman would pass over, and they
are exceedingly skillful and quick In
picking them up. Capt. Moss says that
when he commenced digging gold he
had two pet monkeys which constantly
followed him about the mine. One day
he noticed that they were busily en
gaged in gathering up little bits of
quartz and carefully placing them In
piles. They seemed to enjoy this work
very much. It did not take the captain
long to learn their value as laborers
and so the monkey gang was at once
Increased. The monkeys that have had
experience in the mines teach the new
monkevs how to do the work. New
York World.
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KOLABAC,
This is a stronger preparation of Kolo, in tablet form, for those . who wish
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WORK FOR FALL AND CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS. !
Vi will uive JflO.0O to anvone who wilt sell within the next I
three months 200 copies of "Talks to Children About Jesus. " One of 5
tbe most popular dooks ever puunsnea. over ou,uw copies aireuuy i
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Freight paid and credit given. Complete canvassing outfit and full
luiormauon ooceuia.
5100.00 BICYCLE GIVEN
to anvone who will sell 75 copies In two months. We will slve an I
K8TKY OHGAN, retail price K70.00, to anyone who will sell 110;
copies in three months, spienam opportunity for a unurcnorctocieiy
to secure an organ. A UOL.D WATCH, retail price tVXOO crlven to I
anyone who will sell HO copies In 80 days. This premium Is In addl- i
tlon to the regular commiNsion. Agents wno ao not secure any o i;
the prizes, are given liberal commission for any number sold. Last j
fall, we paid to agents over H'kIMO in commissions. A large number j
made over 9100.00 per month. Write us Immediately and secure !
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R. H. WOODWARD COMPANY, BALTIMORE, MD.i
A rroperty of Salt.
Salt has the property of causing
dough to take up more water than it
otherwise would, and thus increase the
weight of the bread, but as this In
crease is mere water, the bread gains
nothing in nutritious quality.
.Taysam's Weird WaT.
"Jaysam Brown" of Kansas seems
less eccentric when you analyze It,
and discover that It is only a blame
fool way of writing "James Samuel
Brown." ...
State Rivalry In E-GoTernor.
The death of ex-Gov. Robinson of
rhi-niK leaves Massachusetts with
only five ex-governors living. Con
necticut can do better than that. She
has eeven to show in ex-Governors
Hawley, Ingersoll, Andrews, Harrison,
Waller, Lunsbury and Bulkeley, and
they will average up quite as well as
those of the Bay state in point of
ability and character also. New Ha
ven (Conn.) News.
Flower-Adorned Wheels-
Wheelmen who come back from the
suburbs with branches of blossoms tied
In front of their wheels have a lot of
trouble getting home with their prizes
If their return take them up the east
side they find It pretty near Impossible.
Children beseech them for a flower with
every variation of entreaty. Young
sters wheedle them with clasped hands
and pretty pleadings and little "tar
riers" snatch at the petals with vlo
lence enough to turn the wheel out of
Its course. Half-grown girls make no
bones about Joining in this gentle brl
gandage, and the exquisite from Mur
ray Hill has sometimes to run an em
barrassing gauntlet. The jovial among
the cyclists attest at once their skill
and good nature by supplying them
selves liberally with branches, from
which they tear off and distribute the
blossoms as they ride along without
slackening their pace. This is known
in the Inner circles as "throwing bou
quets to the masses." Exchange.
Poured Water In Hia Boots.
The Rev. Leonard B. Worth of the
Baptist church has begun a suit for
divorce from Elvira W. Worth in Ok
lahoma. The clergyman alleges that
his wife asked him to deed all of his
property to her and made threats that
if he did not she would not live with
him, but would make it hot for him
all his life. On one occasion, he says,
she filled his Sunday boots with water.
The Nation
Monthly Magazine.
A WESTERN MAGAZINE
FOR WESTERN READERS
It is replete with Articles on Questions of
Local, National and Social Interest.
Price 10c, Single Copy; $1 year, in Advance.
FOR SALE Br ALL FIRST-CLASS NEWSDEALERS.
Conceit.
The greatest barrier In the way of
the acquisition of true knowledge is
conceit The conceited man cannot be
come truly wise. The most striking
instances of humanity have been fur
nished by those whom the world has
accounted the wisest men. Rabbi Da
vld Philipson.
Not Located.
Joe Cose "What has become of that
stale messenger boy joke? It seems to
have disappeared." Sribbins "Some
one must have given it to a messenger
boy to deliver to the papers" Phila
delphia North American.
The Worst of All.
"Henry!" "Yes, your excellency."
"The English think they will have
everything their own way In upper
Egypt." "Yes, your excellency; that is
the usual English idea." "But in this
case, Henry, dervish is father to the
thought." Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele
graph.
Degeneration.
Many churches are degenerating into
mere monkey making machines, fash
i ionable clubs or bureaus of entertain
ment. and there is a danger that the
divine life Is being allowed to die out.
Rev. Dr. Cartwright.
ADDRESS ALL ORDERS TO
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A History of the United States?
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account of the principal events in the History
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and the book. Address all orders to
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