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About The farmers' alliance. (Lincoln, Nebraska) 1889-1892 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 28, 1889)
WEAR YIN FOR YOU.
, Jst a-wearyin for.vou,
All the time a-feelin' blue; """""S.
Wisljin' for you. tronderin' when
You'll be comin' home ocen;
Iteetless don't know what to d5.
Jest a-wearyin' lor you.
Kep a-mopin' day by day; "
Dull in everybody's way.
Folks they smile an' pass alonff
Wonderin' what on earth is wrong;
T wouldn't help 'em if they knew
J e6t a.' wearyin' for you.
Boom's no lonesome, with your chaig
Empty by the fire place there;
-Jest can't stand the eight of it; (f
Go out doors an' roam a bit, ' '
But the woods is lonesome, too,
Jest a wearyin' for you.
Comes the wind with soft caress
I -ike the rustlin' or.vour dress;
Blossoms fiillin' to the ground 1
Softly like your footsteps sound;
Violets like your eyes fo blue,
Jest a-wearyin' for you.
Alornin' comes. The birds awake i
(Use to eing so for your sake) '-a-But
there's sadness in the notes
That comes thrillin' from their throats
Heem to feel your absence, too, 1
Jest a-wearyin' for you.
Krenin' falls. I miss yon more
"When the dark gloom's in the door;
rVems jest like yer orter to be s
There to open it for me!
Latch goes tinklin- thrill? me through
Sets me wearyin' for you.
Jest a-wearyin' for you;
All the time a-feelin' blue!
Wishin' for you-r-wonderin' when
Ycu'Jl be comin' home agen.
liestless don't know what to do
Jest a wearyin' lor you.
F. L. Stanton in Atlanta Constitution.
HER HUSBAND'S MECE.
fret this letter?"
, "On Wednesday' he said, with
' "And this Is Friday," rebukingly
replied his wife. "You carried it
about in your pocket for at least
two days. It is from your niece,
Fanny Atwood. She left New York
yesterday and will be here on the 8
o'clock train this morning, and it is
half-past 7 now. This is a nice state
of affairs, isn't it?"
"It was careless in me, Mattie," the
young farmer regretfully admitted.
He was a handsome, good natured
fellow, sturdy in frame and pleasing
in speech. He had a whip in his hand,
and his wagon, loaded with milk
cans, was standing at the gate.
"She says she'll get off at Forest
station, where you are to meet her,"
Mrs. Henderson said, her eyes once
more on the letter.
"Oh, pshaw," cried the husband
with an impatience unusual with him.
"I can't. I must have my milk at
Beaver station on time. Why didn't
she come over the road most con
venient to me?"
"I suppose she'll have to walk
here," replied the young wife. "And
as she says that she intends to stay
three weeks, no doubt she has brought
her trunk with her a trunk of no
mean dimensions, I'll veuture to pre
dict. I am a good deal more put
out about it than you are. There's
the butter to churn, the clothes to
iron, the currant jelly to make, and
goodness only knows what else.
She'll be too dainty to lay a hand
to anything, and will spend her time
reading, sleeping and lolling in the
hammock. She might have waited
to be asked."
"I know it will prove an infliction,"
the husband consolingly said. "But
I guess there's nothing to do but to
bear it. Things may not turn out
bo bad as you fancy they will."
. He got into the wagon and drove
off. Mrs. Henderson walked into
the spring house to churn thebutter.
She was seldom peevish and rarely
complained, but the visit really
seemed inopportune. She was not
very strong, and as she worked
early and late and took no recrea
tion, it was beginning to tell on her
The farm was not entirely paid for,
and they were not able to keep a girl.
She was a sensible little woman, and
felt that it was her duty to second
her thrifty husband's efforts. Leis
ure, if not competency, would come
by and by.
In descending the steps of the spring
house she fell and sprained her an
kle, the pain was so great that she
"That means a week of enforced
idleness," she despairingly thought.
"Time so precious, and that fash
ionably reared niece of George's more
of a hindrance tnan a help. Oh,
After much painful effort she suc
ceeded in reaching the sitting room
and threw herself upon the comforta
ble lounge. She fell into a doze, and
when she opened her eyes there stood
Fanny Atwood, looking down into
She had on a plain, sensible look
ing traveling dre3s. Her figure was
compact, her complexion healthy, her
air cheerful, her demeanor self pos
sessed. Her cheeks were dimpled, her
mouth indicated resolution, her soft
brown eyes offered confidence and in
vited it. She had walked two miles
through the hot sun, over the dusty
road, but one would hardly have
thought so, she looked so neat, clean,
"You are my Aunt Mattie, I sup
pose" she said,m a low, sweet voice,
a smile lurking among her dimples.
"Yes," Mrs. Henderson said with an
effort. "Your undo forgot to give me
vour letter until this moraine:. He
could not meet you because ho had
to deliver the milk over at the other
railroad at the hour you named,
am sorrv you had to walk."
"I wasn't vexed about it," replied
the visitor. "Nor am 1 in a hurry
about mv trunk.
"I sprained my ankle,'i-Mrs. Hen-
(fe3son said. "1 am atraid 1 will not
be about for three or four days."
!That is too bad,"eommise-at;ng-iy
rejoined Miss Atwood. "1 I seems
I was iust to come. I can do ever so
many things for you."
." r:rp?!r?mz& HEN did
"Yes," grimly assented Mrs. Hen
derson. "I'll first look after that ankle,"
the visitor said briskly, cheerfully.
She removed her dainty looking
cuffs, and then took off her aunt's
shoe and stocking.
"It is considerably swollen." she
"I am not surprised," replied Mrs.
Henderson. "You'll find a bottle of
liniment in the cupboard yonder."
"I wouldn't put liniment on it
just yet," advised Fauny. "Have
you any sugar of lead?"
"Very likely. Look in that med
icine box in the cupboard. There's a
little of everything there, almost."
Fanny found the sugar of lead,
and then some linen suitable for a
bandage. Sbe put the sugar of lead
in a basin, added cold water, soaked
the bandage in it and then wrapped
it around the swollen ankle. She
went about it like a professional
"That feels very cooling," Mrs.
Henderson greatfully said.
"There is nothing reduces a swelling
like sugar of lead water," replied
Fanny. "Ill wet the bandage every
now and then with it. Just you re
main quiet, dearie, and don't bother
yonrselt about anything. You have
"No, child," Mrs. Henderson said.
"We cannot afford to keep one."
"I'll get uncle his dinner," announc
"You'll get George his dinner!"
repeated Mrs. Henderson.
Fanny noticed the incredulity in
her tone, laughed" prettily and said:
"Why shouldn't I? If you wiU al
low me to skirmish around I'll man
age to find things. However, it
isn't near dinner time yet. When I
wentto the kitchen for the basin, I
saw you had sprinkled the clothes.
Shall I iron them?"
She saw the odd smilo that came
to her tired aunt's lips and correctly
"Maybe you think I can't iron?"
she pleasantly said, "Just you wait
and S0?" .
x "But the dress you have on, Miss
"Was selected for service," complet
ed Fanny. "Of course I'll put on
one of your aprons."
When George Henderson returned
from his errand he heard some one
singing cheerily in the kitchen. He
stepped in and saw his niece ironing
away as deftly as it she had spent
the best part of her life at it. She
made such a pretty picture thajb he
stood still and looked at her.
"How do you do, uncle?" a twinkle
of merriment in her brown eyes; then
she went and kissed him, standing on
tip-toe to do so.
"I'm glad you've come, Fanny," he
said with heartiness. "I suppose
Mattie explained why I did no c meet
you at the station? But why are you
ironing? WHiere is Mattie?"
"Sbe is lying down, uncle. She fell
and sprained her ankle."
Mr Henderson stepped into the sit
ting room, a look of concern on his
"Whv, dear, how did this hap
"Oh, how does anything happen?"
she replied a little querulously.
"Through my own awkwardness, no
doubt. I almost fainted, the pain
was so great."
"Does it pain you now, dear?"
"I'll bathe it in sugar of lead wa
ter," he said. "There isn't anvthing
"Fanny has already done that,"
replied the wife. "It was her own
"Oh, ejaculated Mr. Henderson,
with increasing appreciation of his
"And she insists upon ironing. A
pretty mess she'll make of it."
"Well, maybe not, Mr. Henderson
said in a quiet tone. "I watched her
a little while. Mattie, you are a
rrrrr irnnoT ln. clio i a vniiT onnnl "
"Oh, nonsense beorger exclaimed
his wife. "Beared in the city, as she
"Didn't necessarily make her a lazv,
silly, novel reading imbecile," inter
rupted her husband. "Perhaps we
haven't been just to Fanny. I think
she is a solid, energetic, capable sort
of a girl, and it is lucky that she
"Well, I hope it may prove so,"
doubtingly rejoined the wife.
"George, there s the butter!"
"I'll churn that," he said. "We'll
at along. Just you keep your mind
at ease. You will get about much
sooner if you do."
ranny Atwood prepared dinner,
now and then slipping into the sit
ting room to wet the bandage, and
to chat in her cheery way with her
On the third day Mrs. Henderson
was able to hobble to the kitchen,
where she found everything in excel
"Look at my currentjelly," Fanny
proudly said, as she held up one of
the glass jars to the light. It was
translucentland bright as ruby tinted
"It is very nice," Mrs Henderson
said. "How much sugar did you
"Pound for pound," replied Fanny,
"I wasn't extravagant, was I?"
"You were wise," her annt said
with a smile.
She opened the door leading into
"Fanny, did you whitewash the
starway?" she asked in surprise.
"Ys, auntie. It needed it. I knew
you meant to do it, for I saw you
had slaked the lime. Isn't it nicely
"Very nicely," Mrs. Henderson said.
"But is wasn't right foryou to do it.
Surely your hands"
"Look at them." Fanny said,
laughing. "They are as white an.d
soft as any lady's. I put gloves on,
and I have a sort vof dainty way of
working. I can do it well without
pitching into it all over. I have a
knack, as mother calls it. If it was
right for you to whitewash the cellar
way, it was right for me to whitewash
it. I came here to help you and to
spare you; to ride the horses, to go
to the mill with Uncle George, and to
make myself useful and welcome. If
you are not going to let me work, or
have any fun. why I'll go right back
to New York."
" She spoke with voluble earnestness,
her gestures rapid, hr dimples
Mrs. Hattie Henderson sat down in
a chair and cried f .
"Why, aunt, what is the matter?"
asked Fanny, her brown eyes widen
ing. "I hope I didn't say anything
"No, dear, you didn't' replied Mrs.
Henderson in a broken voice. "Iam
crving because I am ashamed of my
self because I have been so unkind
to you in my thoughts. I supposed
that vou would annoy me, and hind
er me; that you would be helpless, j
seinsn, iauit nncnng; mauu
"But you think more kindly of me
now, do you not?" interrupted Fan
ny, her hands moving caressingly
over her aunt's hair
"Most certaiuly I do," replied Mrs,
Henderson, explosively. "That is
why I confess my injustice why I
want to make amends why I"
uon tj mma it, aumy, etuu uie.j
sweet, forgiving, sympathetic voice.
"I don't censure you, and it's all
right now. There may be and, iu
fact, there are listless, frivolous.
helDless girls in New York city and
in other cities but I am not one of
them. If I was, I am afraid I would
"I am glad you have come, Fanny,
and I will be sorry when you go,"
Mrs. Henderson said, and she meant
it. "My prejudices misled me, and I
have been taught a lesson. Here
after I'll not be so hasty in estimat
ing people, . especially before I have
Not So Smart.
An uptown Scrantpn man thought
a great deal of his old mother cat for
a little while after he reached home the
other evening. He saw her carry a
dead English sparrow from the front
yard to the back of the house, and
on the back porch he found thirteen
more dead sparrows in a heep. The
cat dropped the last one on the pile,
and the man praised puss for
her remarkable work. It tick
led him so much that he went
right away and told his near
est neighbor all about the cat's feat
of catching fourteen sparrows in one
afternoon. His bliss was of short du
ration, for the fact of the matter was
that the cat hadn't caught a single
one of the birds alive. The neighbor
td whom he was bragging about tho
cat had shot every one of the spar
rows from his window with a little
rifie, and the birds had dropped into
the other man's yard. Scranton
"A Suspended Judgment."
The true scientific attitude of th
day, as expressed by the president of
the British association, Professor
Fowler, is a suspended judgment."
Professor Fowler indorses Sir John
Lubbock's idea that the field of in
quiry is limitless and that there may
be "fifty other senses as different
from ours as sound is from sight, and
even within the boundaries of our
own senses there may be endless
sounds which we cannot hear and
colors as different as red from green
of which we have no conception.
These and a thousand other ques
tions remain for solution. The famil
iar world which surrounds us may be
a totally different place to other
animals, To them it may be full of
music which we cannot hear, of color
which we cannot see, of sensation
which we cannot conceive." Science
The Printer Did It.
A well known Australian writer a
very bad penman in mentioning
the name of a certain lady in an ar
ticle, said she was "renowned for her
graciousness and charity." For
"charity" the compositor read
"chastity." The author, on seeing
a proof, recognized at once that
there was an error; but, unable to
remember the word he had used in
place of "chastity," marked the
proof with what is called a "query"
? to refer the printer to his MS.
When the article appeared, the writer
who had intended to pay a pretty
compliment to the lady was sur
prised to read that she was "re
nowned for her graciousness and
chastity (?).' Verdict for plaintiff,
2,500 sterling, with costs. San
Only a Baby.
A pretty story of royal etiquette is
told by The Pall Mall Gazette. It seems
that all the royal children, whether o
Prussia, Austria, or Bavaria, take
equal delight in seeing the soldiers
present arms to them. When the
Princess Gisela, who is aunt to the
little Archduchess Elizabeth, was 4
years old she used to make a great
fuss every time her gloves were put on.
She was told one day that if she went
out without her gloves the soldiers
would not sain te her. All of a sudden
the little girl became most eager to
wear gloves. Then as soon as sho
was out of doors she peered about
for soldiers. Directly she cauirht
sight of one she held up both her little
fat hands and cried, "I got m
An Automatic Nailmaker.
An automatic machine for making
horseshoe nails has recently been
brought out. Wire is coiled on a reel
on the top of the machine, which cuts
off, stamps, points and heads the nails
without any hand assistance what
ever. The receiving box contains only
perfect nails, for if there is any hitch
in the working the machine stops it
self, and points out by means of in
dex where the fault occurs. A few
moments only are required to remove
the offending nail, and the machine
Wanted It Good.
"Are you fond of music?" asked
Mrs. Symphony of an elderly relative
from the country.
"Well, yes, I am" was the careful
reply; "that is, when it's good music,
Laury. Now you take a good ac
cordeum an' a fiddle an'a pair o'
bones an' a flute an' let 'em all Jplay
'Old Nicodemus4 all at thesametime,
and I tell you it's swectl" Harper's
SPECIMINS OF WIT.
Some men's affairs don't gefc
straightened out until , about tho
same time they do themselves.
"De June bug got do golden wing,
Do ligntnin' bug de flame;
De bed-bug got no wing at all,
But he git dar all de same."
Sure signs To meet a funeral pro
cession is a Bigu of death; to lose a
pocket-book containing bills of large
denomination is considered very un
lucky. "Do you know Dr. Shaw?" "Yes;
he is a member of our church. Near
ly all the members employ him as
their family physician." "O, I see:
he is a regular piller of the church."
. Marion Harland says that the
coming woman will have her own
bank account This will prove pleas
ant news for the coming man, espe
cially if her bank account- is big
enough for two. Norristown Herald.
It is a fact worthy pondering that
though the night falls around us it
never breaks, whereas the daybreaks
but never falls. We offer ' this deli
cate fancy to some struggling aspir
ant for poetical hours.
It will cost .$100,000,000 to put
our seacoast in a state of defence
against a foreign foe, while it wen't
cost us ten cents to mind our own
business and keep out of a row with
the rest of the world.
Hattie "What in the world dfd
Carrie marry that old man for?
Why, she is actually giving her life
away." Minnie "Not at all. She
is selling her life as dearly as possi
ble, He is awfully rich."
The doctor "I think, my dear sir
that it would be bettor to have a con
sultation; your wife is seriously ill."
Anxious husband "There, I told my
wife long ago she ought th have prop
er medical advice, but she was so
afraid of hurting your feelings."
"Do you ever receive contributions
written on both sides of the paper?"
asked a gentleman, . entering a news
paper office. "No, sir; never," em
phatically replied the editor. "All
riht; I was going to indorse this
check to your order, but I don't want
you to break your rules." Then be
went out, lea ving the editor in a deep
green study. Yonker's Statesman.
It has often been said that the chief
characteristic of the epitaph is its
lack of veracity, but it is perhaps bet
ter that it should err on the side of
kindliness rather than wound the liv
ing by a brutal truthlulness, as in
the case of an inscription written for
the tombstone of a lazy man by one
who knew him well: "Asleep (as
State's Attorney: "So the defend
ant did propose to you that you set
fire to the store snd get half the
insurance. State now whether or not
he offered to protect you from all
risk of punishment at the hands of
the law. . What did he say about
that?" Witness: "Yes, sir; he prom
ised to see me through. He said he'd
manage to catch me in the act and
let you prosecute me."
Mrs Grubber: "Well, well! What
fools these editors be!" Mr. Grub
ber: "Eh?" Mrs. Grubber: "Here I
writ a letter to the editor of the
Punkinville Trumpet, askin' what
would be proper an' inexpensive to
git lor a weddin' present; an' here in
the paper he's printed a list of about
a huudred things what folks gives as
weddin' presents, an' there 'oint one
of 'em costs less than a dollar."
"Tell me, Uncle Charles," pleaded
Amelia, "do you think that Henry
will make a good husband?" "I
think he will," replied Uncle Charles
without hesitation. "I offered him
a cigar last evening and he took it
as freely as it was given. When he
opened his coat in search of a match
he exposed his waistcoat, and its .
two upper pockets were filled with
cigars. I have no hesitation m say
ing that Henry will prove a saving,
economical husband." Boston
Several men were at work on the
brickwork of a new building. It was
the day after Thanksgiving, and
Mike and Pat were chums. Mike had
brought no dinner pail, as he had
been on a epree the night before.
About nine in the morning he got
very hungry, so he helped himself to
Pat's dinner. When twelve struck,
Pat missed his dinner, and upbraid
ed Mike for appropriating it. "Faith
1 did, "but I'll get ye another one."
"How are you going to get me an
other one?" "I'll soon show you."
There was a small pet' dog playing
around the building, belonging to
the lady in the next house. "Mike
procured a small switch, and seizing
the dog by the back of the neck, be
gan hitting him with the switch, not
hard enough to hurt him, but hard
enough to make him squeal like "blue
murder." The lady who owned the
dog, hearing the rumpus, put her
head out of the window and shouted
angrily, "What are you hitting that
dog for?" "Sure he ate all my din
ner." replied Mike, in an injured tone.
"Well, don't touch the dog. Come .
in, and I'll give you some dinner."
So in they marched and had their
fill of cold turkey and mince-pies and
all the fixin's. This st Jiy is literally
A Brave Woman.
Welsh papers describe a conspicu
ous act of bravery performed by,
Mrs. Irving, wife of Capt. Irving,
Gadlys, Bagilt, North Wales. As
the Irish mail was entering the sta-.
tion at the speed of 50 miles an
hour, an aged man slightly deaf, was
in the act of crossing the rails, parry
ing a parcel. The officials shouted
to him. and certain death appeared
to await the poor fellow, when, with
out a moment's hesitation, Mrs. Irv
ing sprang down, seized the man,
and pushed him off the rails, narrow
ly escaping with her own life.
How My Hair Turned White.
"How did my hair turn white?
will tell you the tory. ,
j "On my way to Exeter on business
my present wife, to whom I was at
that time betrothed, asked me tc
get a bottle of chloroform for her
mother's headache. After transact
ing my business I returned home and
was almost at my gate when I met
HughRawdon. He was a big hand
some fellow and my rival for Ethel's
hand. I wanted to keep on good
terms with him, naturally, so when
he asked me cheerfully to take a sail
with him I could not re .'use, besides it
was a glorious day.
"After tacking about some time I
suggested returning, but he would
not'hear of it. I was enjoying my
self too much to urge him, but by
sunset 1 thought of my engagement
with Ethel and that Ave must be on
our way back. I told him my
"In an instant his whole manner
changed. He sprang up, almost up
setting the little craft with the vio
lence of his motion, and, coming close
up to me, said in a deep, hoarse
'Herbert Wallacv, you will go
back no more!"
"I was utterly dumfounded with
astonishment. . At first I thought he
was only perpetrating a foolish joke,
but when I glanced into his eyes and
saw there the awful fire of madness,
my wonder soon gave way to fear.
"There he stood, glaring down up
on me. Slowly, without removing
his eyes from niy face, he put his hand
behind him and drew from a. hip
pocket a small Colt's revolver.
" 'Move one inch and I blow your
brains out,' he said; With his unoc
cupied hand he cast loose the halliards
and the sail fell with a thud. Still
covering me with the revolver, he
next threw both the oars overboard,
and then sat quietly down opposite
"My dear Bawdon,' I began, but
he interrupted me fiercely.
" 'Silence, sir, and hear me. I have
brought you out here to kill you. I
have been thinking of this moment
for days and weeks together, brood
ing over it, glorying in it, feeding on
it. Ha, ha! you think I am mad.
Yes, I am mad,' and he burst into a
loud blood-curdling laugh that made
my very flesh creep.
"'Mad, yesl' he continued; 'but
what has made me so? Hear me, Her
bert Wallace, hear my story, and
your own just doom. Ethel! Oh how
I loved her! For her I toiled, for her
I fought, ay, for her I sinned. To
night, therefore, I will enjoy your
misery, to-morrow we will jump over
board together. Think of Ethel,
think of her,, lost to you as to me
forever! Ha! ha! ha!' and again that
awful laugh echoed across the waves.
"I have, and had, my fair portion
of strength, but I was no match for
Hugh Bawdon. Yet my only chance
of life was to overcome him, and
either bind or hurl him overboard.
He had replaced his revolver, appar
ently satisfied that I should offer no
resistance, and seizing my opportu
nity, as soon as he sat down I sprang
wildly upon him. With a yell, like
the howl of a wild beast, he received
me, and the next instant we were en
gaged in the most awful struggle
ever man imagined. I had taken
him at a disadvantage, and life,
love, and Ethel seemed to lend
strength to my arms and courage
to my heart. He durst not let me
go for one instant to reach the re
volver, and gradually I pressed him
back, back over the stern of the little
boat. With a tremendous effort the
madman recovered himself, and the
next instant I was lying on my back
in the bottom of the boat with his
knee firmly planted on my chest.
Oh, the agony of that moment! I
expected to be instantly pistolled,
but to my astonishment Bawdon
seemed calm and quiet.
"You had better not have resisted.
Now I must tie you," was all he said.
Never giving me a chance of regain
ing my feet, he lifted me up and
stretched me across the thwarts,
binding me to them, hand and foot,
with the halliards.
"It was now quite dark. For an
hour or two Bawdon sat still. Then
he rose and coming to me, said:
" 'I am sleepy and tired. Such
yiolent exercise as you have com
pelled me to take is not healthy in
this warm weather, so, with your
permission, I will lie under the
thwarts and get a nap,' I suppose I
gave some involuntary sigh or other
mark of renewed hope, for he added:
'Don't deceive yourself. The least
movement will wake me. We are
only postponing our entry into the
next world till to-morrow. He lay
down in the bottom of the boat, and
presently his regular breeding told
me that he slept.
"Just at that moment a drop of
spray dashed into my face. With a
supreme effort I broke my bonds, and
pulling out my handkerchief wiped it
off, and was replacing the handker
chief when I felt in a corner of my
pocket a little hard packet. In an
instant it flashed upon my mind.
'Here was my deliverer!' That little
bottle of chloroform which I had
bought in Exeter and forgotten till
that moment would save my life.
With one silent cryot prayer and
thankfulness I drew it out. In spite
of our dreadful struggle it had es
caped uninjured. I pulled out the
cork with my teeth, and folding my
handkerchief into a pad, I saturated
it with chloroform, and creeping to
the sleeping maniac, laid it gently
over hr mouth and nose. Then I
bound him as firmly as possible with
every bit of the rope in the boat and
took away the revolver. He had
not moved from the moment when
he lay down.
"At length the morning came, and
with it, in the distance a sail. I sig
nalled as well as I could, for I was
still afraid to shout. At last they saw
me, and, bearing down took me on
board. Shortly afterwaid Rawdon
awoke from his sleep, and when he
saw tha t his prej' had slipped through
his fingers his ravings were frightful.
I had escaped death, but since that
night my hair has been as you see it.
Eh? What became of Bawdon?
Poor fellow he died in an asylum two
days after. Ethel and I were mar
ried a year later."
Tho Only Basis of Trade With
He was an agent, with a big bas
ket of goods on his arm, and he had
just rapped on the door of a country
farmhouse. An old lady of forbid
ding aspect opened the door and
sized him up before he had a chance
to open his mouth and said savage-
"Don't want anything ter-day"
"But, madam," he replied, with a
weary attempt at a smile, as he
mopped the perspiration from his
brow with his coattail, "allow me to
showyou the goods, please. I have
washing soda at two cents a pound,
silver tea spoons at ten cents per
dozen and the finest tea at twenty
cents per pound, with a teacup and
saucer thrown in; this alone is
"Don't want anything ter-day,"
she repeated, still more savagely.
"Madam," he replied, as he slowly
returned the goods to the basket, "if
I were to offer you the whole busi
ness for ten cents would you take
"No, I wouldn't. I don't want
your old stale, shop-worn stuff, .'it
any price; so clear out."
"Madam," he continued sadly, "if
there is anything in the world that
you would buy just let me know, and
I will bring it to you on my next
"All right, you persistent puppy,"
she replied. ""The next time you
come bring a dozen genuine ten-dollar
bills for a dollar a dozen and I
will take tho lot. Now, git out and
go and load up with something sale
able before you show that red nose
of yours here again."
A Sensational Letter.
An amusing hoax appears to have
been perpetrated upon the foreign
press in the shape of a letter alleged
to have been written by the present
czar prior to his ascension to the
throne, to the famous editor and pan
slavist leader, Aksakoff, whose widow
died a few weeks ago. The document
in question, which bears the date of
May 22, 18G6, contains bitter com
ment on the class of courtiers by
whom the imperial family was sur
rounded, and compares the highest
officers of state to contemptable lack
eys. The publication of the letter in
question has pxcited an immense
amount of attention throughout
Europe, and it appears to have been
copied in almost every foreign news
paper of any inportance. The whole
thing is, however, but a hoax. The
letter in question, instead of having
been written by the present emperor,
was addressed in 179G to Count
Kotchoubey by the Grand Duke
Alexander Paul witch, who subse
quently ascended the throne as Alex
ander I. The courtiers refered to in
such bitter terms were the ignoble fa
vorites ofhisgrandmother Catharine
II. The original letter will be found
in tho first volume of the "Life and
Times of Alexander I," published by
C. Toneville in 1874.
A Formidable Weapon.
Extreme low water in the Mississip
pi recently unearthed an historical
relic at the ferry landing at Colum
bus, Ky., in the shape of a huge, old
fashioned columbiad, which did duly
during the late warin the hands of
the Confederates. Those familiar
with the history of the formidable
weapon state that it played a con
spicuous part in the battla of Bel
mont, Mo., in the fall of 18G1, and
that from its lofty perch on the bluffs
above Columbus it sent many ahuge
shell screaming across tho river into
Grant's army, and that it had more
to do with keeping the gunboats at
bay than all orders at the fort. Tho
gun is the only remaining relic of the
Confederate fortifications erected at
Columbus, Ky., thirty years ago.
Hard on Horses' Feet.
There has been but little sickness
among horses in St. Louis during the
last few weeks, but there has been a
decided increase in the number of
cases of lameless. Nearly all of these
are foot troubles, and are due to the
concussion of our hard granite
streets. You will see a still greater
wear and tear of horse-flesh year by
year as the streets are reconstructed.
Carriage horses which are driven
down town a great deal and the
draft and delivery horses of the great
firms are the principal sufferers. The
fine roadsters are usually so highly
prized by their owners that they
rarely bring them down town, but
use them exclusively for driving in
the parks and on the boulevards.
Interview in St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
A Mob Controlled by Water
The sheriff of Washington county,
Md., who subdued a lot of refractory
prisoners with the prison hose." used
a weapon that is as efficient as a Gat
ling gun, and much less harmfull. A
riotous mob, that would stand up
against musketry fire, may be scat
tered by a well-directed stream of
water. Men would of course, get used
to water; it could not hold them in
check very long, but they seem to be
as much afraid of it when it is sud
denly applied as a cat is of wetting
There's a Charm About It.
. The last counterfeit half dollar put
out had thirty-seven cents of the real
quill about it, or nearly as much as
the government puts in, and the
gang would have had to float tens
of thousands of dollars to make day
wages. It was harder work then
digging potatoes, but there is a
charm about beating Uncle Sam
which never grows stale. Detroit
Keeping the Gate.
A man who was recently nrrcstesl
on a charge of vagrancy was asked
by the magrestrate why he did not
go ,to work. .
"I cannot," the man replied.
"You cannot? Why I haven't evn
a more strapping fellow in many a
day than you are. Does anything ail
"Then why don't you work?"
"Because I used to keep toll-gate
on a turn-pike in tho South."
"You are a disharged," snid tho
Judge. "Here take this dollar."
The judge was a wiseman. Hi
knew the nature of a toll gate-keener:
he knew that tho most active and
industrious man in tho world, if put
at toll gate-keeping, would become a
sloth incapable of sell-support. Th
town constable islazy, and Ukm own
try school-teacher is not given to un
due exertion but the, toll gate-keeper
is the head waiter (we tan think of
nothing more suggestive of indolen c
Tho old toll gate-keeper was a sort
of news budget. Ho had nothing in
detail, but held the paragraphic
gossip of several neighborhoods. In
season ho had a little weedy garden
back of his house, and in it yellow
cucumbers could be seen, withering
under the fierce rays of the sun, but
no one ever saw him chop down any
of the weeds or gather any of tlu
cucumbers. Near bis house then
was a well, from which water was
drawn with a long pole set in a ss
saw, and with a heavy weight on
one end. It would bo risky to
say that there" was any worse
waterin the world. It was black
ish, and had, in. connection with its
other monstrocities, a burnt-left thor
taste. But how the old fellow did
delight in handing out that water
to the thirsty and dust-covered t rav
eler. He had a gourd that had breu
broken and sewed up with a twine
string, but the wound had never
healed, and through it tho water
poured down the way farcr's sleeve.
As a rule the old fellow had seven
children and several grandchildren.
His daughter, a pale-faced woman,
with large, sad, brown eyes, had
buried her husband away over tho
hill under the persimmon tree. The
oldest of the grandchildren, n chubby
little rascal, with a daub of molassos
in his hair, would toddle, out to col
lect the toll.
The old fellow does not keep the
toll-gate now. He lies under the
persimmon tree on the hill.
Calm in the Face of Death.
A tradesman of Lyons, in Franco,
of the name of G rivet, a man of mild
and simple manners, was sentenced
during the French revolution, with u
number of others, to dio next morn
ing. Those who were already in th
cave pressed around tho newcomer
to sympathize with and to fortify
him. But Grivet had no need of con
solation; he was as calm as if lie had
been in his own house. "Come and
sup with us," said they; "this is tho
last inn in the journey of life; to
morrow we shall arrive at our long1
home." Grivet accepted tho invita
tion and supped heartily. Desirous
to sleep us well, he retired to the re
motest corner of the cave, and, bury
ing himself in his straw, seemed not
to bestow athoughtonhisapproach
The morning arrived. The other
prisoners were tied together and led
away without Grivet's perceiviug
anything or being perceived. Fnt
o sleep, enveloped in his straw, he
neither saw nor was seen. The door
of the cavo was locked, and when he
awoke, after awhile, he was in tho
utmost astonishment to find himself
in perfect solitude. Tho day passed
no new prisoners were brought into
the cave. The judges did not hit for
two days. Grivet remained all this
time in solitude, subsisting on .somo
scattcrd provisions which he found
in the cave, and sleeping every uUrht
with the same tranquility as on tin
first. On the evening of the fourth
day tho turnkey brought in a new
prisoner, and became as one thunder
struck, on seeing a man, or, as ho
almost believed, a spirit, in tho cave.
He called the sefttmel, who instant
ly appeared. "Who are you?" said
he to Grivet, "and how came you
here?" Grivet answered that he had
been there four days. "Doubtless."
he added, "when my companions in
misfortune were led away to death 1
slept and heard nothing, and no one
thought to awaken me. It was my
misfortune, since all would now have
been past, whereas I have now lived
with the prospect of death always
before me; but tho misfortune now
will undoubtedly be repaired and I
shall die." ,
Grivet wns summoned before tho
tribunal. He was interrogated anew.
It was a moment of leniency with the
judges, and he was set at liberty.
A Chinaman on Walking.
Nobody ever saw a Chinaman with
muddy shoes, no matter what the
weather, unless some hoodlums had
pushed him into a puddlo. We take
care of our feet instinctively, and grt
into a habit of walking careftlly. If
you watch on a muddy crossing. you
will see one American after another
pick his way over cautiously, and
yet land on the other side with mud
on his toes, while a Chinaman will
walk along after them at his usual
gait,and, seemingly not noticing his
feet, stepping on tho other curb with
not a particle of mud on his shoes.
But when he crossed the street he did
not walk as the American did. Had
lie done so he would havo been as
muddy as they. They stepped along
gimgerly on their toes, or, at least
tho front part of the foot. In this
way they put all the weight of their
body on the thinnest part of the shoe,
from top to bottom, and when it
flattened out with each step the mud
touched the leather. Tho Chinaman
walked over with the weight of his"
body on the heel and instep of the
shoe, and the toe barely grazing the
ground. The foot of the shoe that
felt his weight was firm and unyield
ing, and did notspread into theniud.
Fung Loud in St. Louia Globe
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