The alliance. (Lincoln, Nebraska) 1889-1889, June 12, 1889, Image 1

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Tare Alliaicb upon
ilheseacf jf
aska iournalisi we do
fnt claim feil filling a "hWfeltwant
Jn the swv
ilper world
h "the con-
V. - ... : ... . .
) mil wen ir
there are
that room
yen K 'Only be found in 'U
eatsto reach. 'There,
indee H rW:en0Ughvand those
who n 2l4e 'heights are sure of, a
cordiil jiume. i
But the organization
of six! ":ftitestg being in vogue,
such q a
(fiis must have their own
ioms of communication
iKer, and their special or
pLnt their claims to the pub-
their cause before it.
. . .- -. . .. -;
lie, al
J lis light the birtn or our
is fully, justified. . The
-!st'lirmers' Alliance is com-
clhfyiy thousand of the intelli
vissive and thinking farmers
ip fl Many of them have long
ttf.K Necessity of a paper devoted
4fl the interests of the Alii
ilijave promiseu unjir earnest
jl pecure ior scn a paper
("import. The paper sees
IB'. While it
will be the
n of the Farmers' Alliance
a, it will also aspire to. work
fdTand represent as well as
nterests of the members
r'f v the paper will represent
J-X,.. .if all farmers, and in
Vil the interests of all classes.
sljushman at Donnybrook fair
Mitten yez see a head hit it."
n'e see a wrong we shall hit it,
hijiit hard. But do not infer that
afwrtd to engage in a general cru
i ilaj nst all wrong. Xo, indeed!
.tfJuld be too large a contract.
sjfffl combat and strive to right the
lii Vf tTieTarmers: We are firmly
:av k'jbd that in doing this we shall
I.:1U;Vf the welfare of society at large.
Svj fgy earnestly ask every member
X thAlliauce to aid in redeeming the
;k i JB3 that nave been made to us.
T .1 -
p.Tifyk every member in the state to at
lijc'sonstitute himself an agent to
jfcsJiWj subscriptions for his and our
V , fTi S-i A . : T1 11. .
,va.L.nAJNi;is, iijse uie society
b jft name it takes, will be indepen-
apn; tju politics, and nou-partizan in
ha!rter. it will support " for 'office
h? viict jiif known integrity, who are
the interests of the farmers;
jp; ill advocate only such measures
a K ielieves will be beneficial to the
vl? people, regardless of which party
,n fen .belong to, or which party
?04s our measures.
Its advertising
pyQ will ibe for sale to approved pat
1 cu fair terms; its ODinions and its
15 "
Iwvial -eolumns never.
ill .
sha21 hold constantly in mind the
,rt treats of this grand state and the
jri who produce its wealth. Our
mediate iwme is the city of Lincoln,
we have long been proud of. It
y je heart of the state. Its muscles
f Weel penetiate and throb to and far
1 Hnd our remotest borders, and its
.-ate electric nerves thrill with iii
j, Jgence and life wherever its iron
s extend. The city bears the Dame
noe noblest man that ever lived, save
TV One. Tt is tesmfiftil i
rl4aHi has a srand f uture. before it.
mmercial plans and its beneficent
xprise? will always command our
mest support.
o our contemporaries in the news-
er world we make our modest bowl
ask their toleration to start- with
Jir respect when we earn it; , but al-
Vs a free field and a fair fight.
yf the patronage of the public we
. e to win a share, and tq deserve it;
I'fd so without more ado we set our
flfk afloat,
if- -
K-t. r :
"iThis paper being under the exclusive
j if State Farmers' ,4Jliance, aU sub-
'-npuons must be . , sent to J. M.
'n jompson, Secretary, Lincoln, JSeb.
j order to give time for the paper to
? A before the members of Alliances,
'inscriptions taken. - forwarded and
perly entered upon our books, num-
two of the paper will, not appear
two weeks. In the meantime our
nda fwjai please forward subscrip
ts as fast as received. !Now for one
ove all along the line for your
' -s." : ! : ' TH
.! . - i i
TATa lot of -hi
.d farmer legis.
Nislature should
InM knowledge of
9 nt come tinder
assert a Tight to a
their ownnd, to di
when the boss crad J Us , whip, has
... K. LX m
. ,
M m g -
je al awful mad.
Hearifc,. M
'Notice to the8,ltl0 -woods mem
bers of the Illinoi?8 foetlature: , Quit
dall vine with thard J Jn?ge bill and
let the ireal stater ike c;ire of it
If you don't knoi legislate gc
aiHms and nla v
into tne commup
cards. .The -ot-hfc
your work and yjf
trnuhlp. ..This dhi'
1 '.keep out of
ofclear the 'skull
and cross-bones fttlir it White Caps,
but it goes. Wateina kred of your
humor." B'.Biaej ,
a sa ' or soft soap
about this " Oil 1 contrary, it
looks as if the M
v to scare the
farmers to death.l
It sounds very harsUt I:d
cruel, but
perhaps the Mail thi
3 is a case
where timely severity
lasting kindness.) ;
vill prove a
ilf this revolt dgamst tie beneficent
bossing of the , ciporaticn attorneys
who are always Mder r.! the (House
and Senate goeson,? ,m would soon
come to pass thai there jvould be no
money in practip politics The rule
of vulgar honesra and ccmmonplace
purity would crd men of .nt and
enterprise into rpTe lucrative occu-
pations, and th genius fould thus
be lost to the gm?rnment '
-'This "dreadfuMatastropJe must be
averted, if eyry plouth
member has to
into fits in
order to accom
sa it.
"Hey! you I bumps: m farmers,
stand back andhve the eal' states
men a show." I ' I
: Real statesmfe; please inderstand,
are gentlemen SLorneys j big cor
porations, elecli by boulht voters,
or schemed intfbosition a?, machine
politicians. If ir fitness fwas certi
fied to by the inopolies yhose .ser-
vants ey aregnd not by the votes
of a lot of stu
farmers, wio cannot
be supposed
know al statesman
We invite fjHners e
commit ; to ni. hory this
screech from tli Mail,
ioriiit shows
very clearly hd
the city lionopoly
gang regard t
It is full of in tempt .fotthe man
who tills, the fids, whieh s precisely
the attitude o he benefici; ies of the
banded mono dies. 4
' Farmers! th e is no moi commun
ity of interest etween youl' : member
of the legislat e, if he be Suare and
loyal, and f corporatioA . attorney
memoer. tnaffi nere is .bi
greenhorn M gambler
rarmersi i-ou will ioi , cut
b f
your interests legislative
ills with
one quarter othe care thri is exer
cised by greey corporation
in pro
will be
tectmg theirs this countrf
. . . i i
blessed w ith reign of . j
;tice and
general prostrity. that has
ong been
banished froj it. -Farmers
he Dal:a ' Farmers
id . over
binding twir
last year,
more than
This was
,x ...
the jaoiountcpended
twine i in
It used tpe that men a gaged in
business in ties and towns iiroughout
the state, oped and operated farms
convenient towns. .Whf her these
men grew rh from the prolt of the
farm and leg ago retired fe are un
able to saviAt all events
fVare vos
dem varmej now?"
fturposKvery iaijn ana rearmer in
i r i m
the countrjvvas taxed acftrih'ng to net f,
earnings a: is propp3etftd) tax the
railroads iiLhis state tier;Wt would
le very diflrent. It diei
t matter
whether a irmer raises a
p or not
he must pa his taxes.
when a
great railrtd corporation
into a
row with ieir employes
great dealbf money and!
$stroy a
great deal i property f a
deal of
ralKT is mad nnniir raAintr
(tiads :-c-
cording tofneir income in
Friend Tfgraph.
Alitle Faith Abon
There ifa feeling of dih
largely pclominates amol
ers at theSresent time.
of the wtd, who can bla
ever a clas of men have
upon by politicians, bogusi
ETveen tne
wo plucks
CSr.' 'P-
lifet whKl?
bL(e farm-1 cf
Ml fl CQnOfll ? i
blem? If
I aM imposed I
ent ngt fiends and slee!
fits, paHlr1
viuuyj uti) Class is tue iai.m
1 1 -l. . i .i At
the timmow is when thep tiler mus
use his lost careful judgLJuj in th
matter iid discriminate i
men witj honest hearts afilrtentionf
ana nog's inenas. uur j i nes are
1 Ul
1 1 .
T V. v lii
us divided.
y can we hope to suc
kers in the work we
How can we hope
" -VI
have undctt'al
for uecei i f istrust these leaders?
l-eii us Aib-rif ir best judgment in
to requisiVo aa;. J not condemn or
ruse one another of d'sloyalty without
abundantopCToof, and then, when such
pjoor is
rimy established, fire the
A Fejw tnt Among The People.
Thei'ejSil, ferment among the people
tromoceiii to ocean. The Grange, the
Alliance the Wheel, the Farmers' in
stitutes, Ae v. all centers of debate
Econom ii aw8are under review. Old
notions nrjf "tumbling under the assaults
otmenn-ljo have been thinking. The
big quc-jLiis Of production and distri
bution are under investigation. There
is a seaiimg f the hidden mysteries
of taxatlort; Men are asking each oth
er whateffect this- tax has, and that tax
and the m her. - Is a taxation a bless
jng? Ppf' a. tax check production?
Does itfhiadm distribution? Has it a
tendency'l io promote monopoly? Is it
the bulwik of trusts? Does it foster
corrupjijji? j Who pays it? Who gets
the be 14 ;t? Who is inj ured? Is it
just? ::t equitable? Can it be shift
ed? W 6 and what are the individuals
most a iX' bus to keep it up and increase
it? it : ' .
Thecfiintry school house in every
state isinging with these questions.
The (job ntry , newspaper is repeating
them 'lh( every conceivable variation.
The cott er - grocery is the daily resort
of meujEUed with the spirit of inquiry
and controversy. The great awaken
ing is:at hand. Chicago Xews; -
'Doubting Thomases.
Ohejna while we find a farmer
who doe f not like the Farmers' Alii-ance-t-b:is
ayague notion in his head
thap it :Di,eani something wrong. We
do nol 'know what got the notion in
his hjacl unless he is not used to seeing
orgaijizfition'5 among the farmers, or
some City chap with a butterfly tie
told Jiiii it was bad. The rich aristoc
racy jof ;he south tried to perpetuate
blaclj Si avery by representing to the
peopje.bat Lincoln and his armed as
sassins were coming down among them
to roVS plunder and - steal everything
theyctuld lay their hands on, JnvaeT
fly 16 a rms i$aj. beat him arid his robber
hordes back, u'he great mass of the
southern people believed the silly tale
and j thousands shed their blood for
theiJr lelief. Better have not believed
andlbeen saved in this instance. Just
so rt Us .with the Farmers' Alliance
whiL'h is now rising as one of the great
emancipators ot j the white
Alii manner of silly and unreasonable
tales are set afloat concerning it. One
is tjia-t the Farmers' Alliance proposes ;
to indicate all branches of business
outside of wholesale establishments,
the're )y completely eradicating all the
toWfl! and villages of the cuuntry.
Ne"t jthinjg you know, my poor, doubt
ing fiU-uaqr friend, they, will be trying
to nf ike you believe that the Farmers'
Alliance js going to completely reverse
the great order of the Universe and
set tlie earth revolving the other way
jnp for a change. Oh, no! Don't
wqnJy for fear the Farmers' Alliance is
gohijj to po something rash now, for it
isn't f '
theItail goes with the hide.
i r 1 f." :
And 3nti$ is About all the Farmer ts
at of the S Oiaaha Stock Yards.
The South Caaha stock yards,
ufidf the control of Armour, is now
giving tne farmers a, practical dose of
its , filching proclivities. The local
butchers are supplied from its slaugh
ter JhouSe, and consequently buy no
stodc "rom the farmers. Every
pox .hd f meat consumed in Omaha
mu it come through Armour. If a
faritierlias an occasional fat cow or
f'ter U turn off he gets for it what
vtt this concern feels like giving,
WhJcn is usually about half what it is
vofth. A. prominent farmer living
ie r Omaha told us a few days ago
h;tl. sold three cows whih were as
ide ;"4tcher's stock as could possibly
jdrCred, and all they, brqaghi.'hira
f I? ter head after navinr-' mm.
1" . -l-J 1 J---B j
fin jss:"n. All stock,too,must go through !
t h e-fcds of commission men.
Hztti cannot sell direct to Armour:'
Pal hvill buy only of these commis-
si3R Jnen. The commission, is 4
lad. The concern buys the
Jat their own price, deducts the
lission, and the farmer is robbed 1
jit recourse. The . prices af
to the consumers of Omaha re
the same,' the local butcher
his average margin of profit,
Jog Armour takes the cream and
irmer gets off with barely the
nd hide. Still there are people
will find fault with the farmer if
pmplains and unites with other
iers in an organization to protect
elf from iust such filchintr as this.
The Shot Fired by the National
Farmers' Alliance, Heard
Round the Continent.
And Produced Gcnsternation In the Ranks of
King Shylock.
Let the
; King on.
of the Gun
GRESS of the United States:
Your Memorialists,- citizens of the
United States, and ) delegates to the
National Farmers' Alliance in annual
meeting assembled, respectfully rep
resent" ' . '-'i.rK: .i. ; .
That the present economic and finan
cial condition of the country is anoma
lous, inasmuch f.s, while the produc
tion of wealth is unprecedented, the
condition of the producers of wealth is
not improving, but is Ion the contrary
retrograding. While no period . has
witnessed a greater aggregate increase
of wealth than the past twenty years,
at the same time the j farmers of the
country are sinking deeper and deeper
in debt. It is becoming rare to find
farms which are not mortgaged, tenant
farmers are rapidly: increasing, and
failures of country merchants are be
coming more numerous day by day.
In addition to this private indebted
nesss there is a corporate and munici
pal indebtedness which is of appalling
magnitude, and which causes a further
exhaustive drain upon the energies of
our people.
While the farmers of the country are
becoming involved in debt, the arti
sans and laborers are finding the con
ditions of life harder. Man j are idle,
many are working on reduced time
and poverty and distress were never
more common in our, land than now.
This causes dissatisfaction and strikes,
often riots and bloodshed, exasperates
employers and continually widens and
deepens the chasm between laborj and
capital, which ought to have no exist
ence. V' : '"; ;
On the other hand. fojced,by--al, con-
tinuallj)aja;owing margin of profit to
reduce exenses and secure safety for
investments, manufiicturers and deal-
ers are driven to comoine io accom
plish these ends, and trusts which
seem pernicious and tyrannical are
formed. Meantime there aretwo
classes of men who seem above
reach of adverse financial
money-lenders and railroad owners.
Of these the former are reaping a har
vest of wealth unprecedented in the
history of the world.
While we do not wish to complain of
the prosperity of any class, we believe
that the prosperity of a state is meas
ured by that of all its people instead of
a few of them; and that any nation is
surely on the road to decay where a few
handlers of wealth absorb the greater
proportion of its productions, -while its
producers remain stationary or grow
Your Memorialists believe that as
these disorders are financial in their
character, their causes may be found in
the financial system of the country. ,
First, the volume of the currency
furnished by the government is insuffi
cient to transact the business of the
country on a cash basis, and the people
are therefore forced to do it upon a
credit basis. This must be apparent
at a glance.
In 1865 we had about $1,900,000,000
currency of all kinds in circulation; we
had only 31,000 ,000 of population, of
which 10,000,000, people of the south
ern states, were then just beginning
again to use our . money. We were
then doing business upon a cash basis;
we were free from debt and prosperous.
We were in that condition in spite of
an exhaustive war and solely by virtue
of the volume of currency made neces
sary by the war. We have now of all
kinds of money less than $1',600 ,000,000.
We have over 60,000,000 of population
instead of 31,000,000, and our annual
production, by virtue of our annual
agriculture and the; increased use of
mechanical appliances, is three times
what it was then, thus making a rela
tive decrease of - two-thirds in oiir
money volume. ..We are now universe
ally in debt, only a few of our people
; are prospering:; .-and they at the expense
or an tne ret. it. is oovious tipni this
comparison that the great evii:is a re
stricted volume of money.' -
Tour Memorialists believe that to re
strict the currency of a people to an
amount'-insufficient to transact, its busi
ness operates solely to the advantage
of the money -lending class and is dis
astrous to all other classes. : ' .
Money possesses two powers which
are of transcendent importance-the
power to fix or measure values, and
the power to accumulate by interest.
It is an accepted financial law that the
value or price of property or products
maintains a certain fixed relation to
the amount of money available for cir
culation. With a shrinking volume of
money, values shrink and vice versa.
JUNE 12, 1889.
This law applies to all accepted money.
A shrinkage in the volume of accepted
paper currencies has the same effect
upon prices, productive industry and
prosperity as a shrinkage in the vol
ume of metalic money. This shrink
age may be absolute or it may be rela
tive. An increased population, with a
proportionately increased volume of
business, and the volume of money sta
tionary, would have the same effect as
the shrinkage of the volume of money
with production stationary. j
Money being the instrumentality by!
which commodities, are exchanged, nn J
inadequate volume of t means stagna
ted trade, low prices, diminished re
ward for labor, restricted production,
and an increase of the weight of exist
ing obligations. ,
This power to fix Values, and the
power to accumulate by interest are
the qualities which give money control
over labor and production, and enable
the money-lenders to accumulate in
their hands the greatest share of pro
duced wealth. "
The depression of prices and grow-'-ing
indebtedness of the country have
been continuous since the effort to
bring the basis of our money to the
single gold standard began in short
since the contraction of the currency
relative to production began. This
depression must continue and must be
aggravated, as long as this relative dis
turbance continues. Prices are only
the expression of the relation of money
and other things, and there is no bot
tom to prices as long as money may
grow relatively less in volume. The
present economic situation is simply
the logical result of the change in
these relative conditions which has
been going forward for the past twenty
years. A greatly increased population
and production, a ' diminished rolunie
of currency, a continual depression of
prices and values, a constantly swell
ing volume of debt, the depression of
labor, a clogging of demand resulting
in so-called over-production, and a pro
digious golden harvest of interest.
Your Memorialists invite your at
tention to the pregnant fact that
prices of products incisure the reward
of labor and the value of interest. As
prices shrink, the reward of labor; di
minishes and the value of interest in
creases. Thus while production brings
to the debtor less reward, interest com
mands more of his products. Hence
in both directions is the indebted pro
ducer scathed, while with every succes
sive fall in prices the money-lender com
mands more of the proceeds of his la
The prodigious concentration of
wealth in our cities, and in few hands,
is Vlso the logical outgrowth of this de
pression of prices, coupled with the ac
cumulative power of interest. To il
lustrite this power of absoiption, tae
for exWple our four thousand million
of watered railroad securities, which
bear aboit four per cent interest. Al"
low th'reeNaer cent, reloaned semi-annually,
and tie principal will doable in
twenty-threVand one-half years. Say
twenty-four yNars, and carry the com
putation forward for 120 years, and we
have the enormous sum of one hun
dred and twentyWht thoasand mill
ionstwice and aVilf.the value of all
the property of theVnited States.
Take the $150,000oo on the farms
of Nebraska at seven W cent interest,
which is less than theterest actually
being paid. Reloaned Wmi-annually
it doubles in ten years, 1 V.d the pro
digious sum of four thoWnd eight
hundred millions are produW.
Your Memorialists respectfully rep
resent, that the depression ti prices,
stagnation in trade, iecurrirtr labor
troubles and increasing debt, ca only
be arrested by a larger supply of non
ey relative to production; and thatthis
end cannot be stecured under the pW
ent system by which the government
furnishes money to the people.
Money is loaned by the trovernment
on the security of U. S. bonds, at cost
of issue, to a small class of citizens,
who reloan it to the people at exhorbi
tant rates of interest. It is difficult to
see and necessity for the intervention
of this small class between the govern
ment and the peopled It is also diffi
cult to see why bonds, which are varia
ble in quantity and value, and which
may have their value greatly impaired
by a public calamity, should be pre
ferred as security to land, which is in
variable in quantity and, of less chang-
ing value, and forms the basis of all
production. " ' ;
Land is the ultimate and natural se
curity for all money. Whether bor
rowed by the banker, . merchant, manu
facturer or farmer, it icurity and in
terest for its use rhusfrbe found in the
production of land and labor. This be
ing the case, your Memorialists con
sider the loaning of money direct to
the people, on land security, at cost of
issue, a more just and equitable way of
putting money into circulation than the
present method. -X--' '-'. -
Your Memorialists would further re
spectfully represent that this injustice
underlying our monetary system--the
monopoly of our money by a small
class, and the accumulative power of
interest really underlie most of the
complaints which comprise what is
termed the labor question. Interest is
the basis of rent and transpoitation
charges, and largely determines the
wages of labor in bur factories and
mines. It will be seen that it forms a
burden from which no man can escape.
That freedom from debt gives immuni
ty from it is a delusion. As long as
credit is the basis of our business every
consumer must bear his share of the
unnecessary burden.
In a country where all are theoreti
cally equal any great injustice in the
statute book cannot fail to cause dis
content and breed social ditorder. How
much greater this effect when the in
justice is so great, and so closely con
nected with our daily labors and needs.
Your Memorialists therefore most
humbly pray that your honorable body
will issue an increased volume of mon
ey; to be issued direct to the people on
land security, at a low rate of interest,
to the end that an adequate medium
for the "exchange of commodities may
be h .id, the prices of products and lalior
incieased, prosperity restored to the
people, and burdens of debt and inter
est gradually removed.
And your Memorialists will ever
Signed on behalf of the Alliance by
J. Uunnows, President.'
II. L. Loucks, Vice-Pres't.
. . August Post, Secretary.
A. J. Streetkk, )
Allen Hoot, I
Committee on
An Era of Discontent.
From all over this broad land of ours
comes a wail of discontent from th
masses. The farmer isn't , satisfied,
and imagines he sees greener fields and
richer pastures somewhere else than in
his immediate surroundings. The
laborer and mechanic is idle and is
pushing out for other fields of labor
only to find hundreds, more just like
him who have preceded him in a
fruitless search for something to do.
The business man finds his stock of
the year before lying, still upon his
shelves largely, and wonders if there is
not some place else where he could do
business, where there is business to
do. In short, there is a ceasless, surg
ing throng upon the highways, in - the
trains, in box cars and on foot, drifting
hither and thither,, they know not
where, in their vain efforts to find the
spot where they can" exchange their
labor for the necessaries of life and a
Ah! Where can they find it?
Should these things be? Should not
a system run On correct principles al
ways furnish something for willing
hands to do, and at sufficient remuner
ation to afford a comfortable living
and a home? Certainly it should.
Then there must be something wrong
with our present systems, of course.
Now, what is it? Take, for instance,
our own great state of Nebraska.
Place the farmers out of debt, stop ihe
ceasless drain of interest flowing from
them into the coffers of the inonied
centers of the east, allow them to hold
their bountiful crops until they obtain
prices for the same above the cost of
production, and see what a wonderful
change would come over the business
and industries of the state. . The farm
er would treble his purchases of the
merchant and thus set the wheels of
the factories in motion to meet his in
creasing demands, thus furnishing em
ployment to the now thousands of idle
factory operatives. lie would also
build more comfortable buildings,
fence his farm and make hundreds of
other improvements which he now
hasn't got and cannot hope to have un
der our present false systems.
Then one of the remedies to apply is
to get the farmer out of debt.
How is this to be brought about?
Now, farmer friends, as we have
om time to time during the past ten
ars, tried to impress upon you that
d only helps those who help them-
selw " we leave the question with you
righuicie. We can solve it according
to omdeas, but we want you to think
on tbewiestion and see what conclu
sions yoi arrive at. After you have
given it kir earnest thoughts for a
while, sukose you write us and tell us
your concisions. Then we will com
pare notes. i this way we will arrive at
the causes hich are producing the
evil effects seVi on every har.d to-day.
and then be beer prepared to do our
pait in helping W with remedies.
. Workmen are Vow entrae-ed on the
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capitol grounds, Nhout seventy-five
yards south ot the site house, excava
ting a large cellar tobe used as a
basement for the buildjr' which will
contain tne engines noiin the base
ment of the capitol buildW Some
body is evidently afraid th boiler? of
the engines might sometimeylow' up,
but whether it is the State Wrd of
Transportation that entertain tiles'
fears or not, up to the hour . of. going
topress we did not learn.
NO. 1.
rmh Attempts at Wit. f '
A wag lias discovered a queer coin
cidence in the fact that while red is
made from madder, bulls are m nda
madder by red.
"You're the editor of the Bugvillo
Leader, I believe?" "Yes, sir."
'IIow nre things ot Bugville?" "Very
dull, Fact in, 1 haven't been slugged
for throe weeks. "Omaha World.
"I don't see how you eau.t
ie Tubbscommonl" cried a fa' jfounj
girl, in a tone of reproof. Wlnr, sh$
never uses anything but nectarinV
chewing gum, and it eOsts 15 cen ?
package!" '
A Free Translation." Binks-I wish'
I was a mind Re ader, Marie. Mario
What for, Mr. Binks? Binks So I
could rend your inmost thoughts,
Marie. Marie Then it is fortunato
that you can't, Mr. Binks.
Customer: "I wish to get a pair
of shoes for my boy." Honest dealer:
"Yes, sir. Which do you prefer tho
kind that looks pretty and go to
lieces in a week, or the kind that
ook ugly and last two weeks?"
"You don't mean to say, John,
that you are going to have a steam
heating arrangement in the base
ment, do you?" "I do, Maria," said
John, with iron firmness. "I'm go
ing to keep those ieet of yours warm
this winter if it costs f 1 ,000!"
"Don't fret, John," said Mrs. Wig.
gins. "You've lost nearly everything
you had in the world, I know, but.
remember you've 4 still got me.'
"Yes," said'John.with another henrt
felt groan, "That's just what I was.
; "Why he thought he'd wait Den
tist: Mr. Doppenheimer: Ish dot so?
Well, I dinks I coomes to-morrer.
Dentist: But. why not let me pull it
to-day? Doppenheimer: Well, f
don't yoost know how much uionish
der wash in my pocked-book.
"This is about tho nliintucst dinner
lever snt down to." he said as ho
surveyed the table; "but I g'poae I
ought to make certain allowances."
"Yes, John," replied his wifo, " if you
would make certain allowances you
would have no occasion to 'quarrel
with your lood. Harper' a Hjuur.
Foreman (great daily) "lVc-ve'a
f an order from down stairs to print
a cut of Blifkins, thw people's candi
date for mayor; Wo haven't any
cuts of him." Able Kdjtor "How
much did he pay for it?" "Fiv dol
lars." "Only live dollars? Scratch
a beard on Lydia Pinkhani, and run
that in." Philadelphia Becord.
Chumley I'm in a little Ux to-dny,
Brown, for money. What would you
say if I were to ask you for a tempo
rary loan.of a hundred or two dol
lars? Brown Well, Chumley, if the loan
will be temporary, 1 will let you have
two dollars.
Clerk "Brigsby, I want to ask a
favor of you." Employer "Well,
James, what is it?'.' "A iKloved un
cle of mine is to be buried to-day, and
I would like to go to the funeral."
' "Very well, James, but wait a few
minutes and we'll go together. I
want to see the ball game myself."
. Trump Could you give a bite to a
poor man who hasn't eaten anything
for . Lady of tho house (shouting
shrilly) Tigc! Tige! Come here, Tigel
T. (loftily) You am calling your
dog, madam. 1 want you to under
stand that I don't eat dog. I'm no
Indian. And he strode uway in sil
ent dignity.
He Was Quite Hoarse.
The Marion (Gu.) Patriot says
several men were sitting in front of
the stores in that place, when one of
the men remarked, just us a lady
with strawterry blonde hair was
passing, that he was quite bourne.
The lady stopped nnd placed her
arms akimbo, just as they always do
when they want to given fellow n
tongue-lashing, and looked him
through as though he was as trans
parent as nir, and remarked:
"It is coining to it pretty state of
affairs that a lady can't 'walk tho
streets without being insulted with
that senseless 'white horse' racket. I
will let you know, sir, that if I havo
red hair I have a temper to resent
any aspersions cast upon it, sir."
"I beg pardon, madam, I most
humbly beg pardon. My remark was
that I was 'quite hoarse'." -
The lady passed on, thinking that
such a mistake was natural, but
looking a doubt as to the sincerity
of the man's apology.
Cannot Be Ascended.
Mount St. Elias promises to oe tho
future mountain-climbing center of
this country. X traveler who has re
turned from there, after failing to as
cend to the summit, reports that his
party, after surmounting great diffi
culties, reached a height of 11.500
feet, and were the. compelled to
abandon the enterprise. Tho ascent
was covered with ice mounds, strewn
with - boulders. The party were at
one time knee deep in snow and nt
another were wading through icy
waters fed by glaciers. He believes
the mountain cannot bo ascended
without the assistance of trained
Swts mountaineers. The packers
with the party could not climb.
Washington Post. . i
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