Will Maupin's weekly. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1911-1912, December 15, 1911, Image 16
That Invitation That's tunny." aald Mrs. Crockett. -Mrs. Hamilton Hurtbart Dickson re quests my presence at bridge Mon day afternoon and she requests it in the most expensive engraved old Eng lish, too!" "Why funny T Inquired Crockett, temporarily suspending the reading of th sporting page. "Did you expect ht to pick the letters in a pin or make a transparency of it?" Mrs. Crocket turned up her nose at hint. "It is funny." she said, "because 1 hare not the slightest idea who Mrs. Hamilton Hurlburt Dickson is have youT Crocket laid down his paper. "Never beard of her." he said. -But think. Jimmy begged Mrs. Crockett. "Was she on your list when w seat our announcement cards?" -She was not." sang Crockett in de scending scale. "To the best of my knowledge, she isn't the sister or mother or relative of anybody I knovr or ought to know. Why should she in vite youT "Well, as to that, why shouldn't she?" bristled Mrs. Crockett. "And it's to be at tfcs Xonhedge dub. and I'm dying to see inside of that club. It's two weeis oX so it must be a big party." BEST ATTITUDE FOR SLEEP WHY THEY LOVE THE LIBRARY French Physician Says Position Which On Finds Most Comfortable Is Best. As practically everyone is more or less addicted to the habit of sleeping, the question of the best and most .healthful attitude during slumber Is of general Importance. There is an an cient and widespread idea that to sleep o nthe left side interferes with the heart action and is consequently injurious and that to sleep on the back develops the inclination to snore. Modern authorities are not at all agreed on the matter, however, one of the greatest heart specialists declar ing that It Is quite Immaterial whether & person sleeps on the right or left side, while another equally famous doctor asserts emphatically that one should always lie on the right side if heart trouble and indigestoin is to be avoided. Eliminating the question of snoring a habit quite possible to break one's self of there is littlo doubt that the most restful position, when once a person has become ac customed to It, is flat upon the back, using no pillow, and with the arms above the head. This straightens drooping shoulders and gives the lungs full play. However, this Is a matter in which one may do as one pleases, and have good authority therefor, as a very dis tinguished French physician has dis missed the subject by saying that the best position for sleeping is that which, a person finds most comfortable. Such a Nice Place to Si V Especially If One Has Agreeable Company. While pleasant weather lingered the stone benches In front of the New York public library were occupied by couples whose presence could not be attributed wholly to their interest In the architectural scheme. They re mained too long and their eyes spoke of other things. Since rain and chill winds have made marble benches out of doors un comfortable, even for ardent sweet hearts, tbey are to be found on simi lar seats which are placed for decora tive purposes in the long corridors In side the building. "Dont you love the new library?" one girl said to another. "No; it takes too long to get the books." "Well. I dont know about that. I haven't drawn any books yet." "What do you go there for. then?" "Oh. it is &o lovely Just to sit there." "Alone?" "No, not alone. . -Well, why dont you go?" asked Crockett- "You've got the ticket let ting you in." "Go to a party suven by an utterly strange woman?" demanded Mrs. Crockett. l have heard of women who were social climbers inviting women they wanted to get in with. en if they ha-la't ev?r met them. Maybe" "Darlicg," interrupted Crockett. "I ant foafU to blast your sweet illu sions, but why should anyone as ex pensive as Mrs. Hamilton Hurlburt lu-ksun looks to be from her invi tation card be sitUcg up nights plan ning how to get acquainted with a perfectly sweet laily living in a $43 flat and able to aSord one tailor gown a J ear . "AH this." said his wife, "comes Trout having a legal mind! But I sim ply dont understand! It is address ed to my full nanio and the address U right!" Mrs. Crockett stuck the card In her dressing mirror so it would be handy to ponder over. By diligent search she found that Mrs. Hamilton Hurl burt Dickson lived on a boulevard quit near, and she walked by the news without getting any further clews. Every night she told Crockett that she simply must find out about the Invitation, so she could either ac cept or decline It. "I'd hate to orTc-J her by declining It If It really is some one I ought to know." she wailed. "But. of course. I doat want to thrust myself upon her if she doesnt know me! Consider bow awkward it would be. Jimmy, for a perfectly strange hostess to meet a perfectly strange guest, and neither of as have the slightest coamoa ground to stand ca! We cant even ask how each other's families are. because we dont know who belongs to the fam ilies,! They say that Xorthedge club la perfectly beautiful. Of course I'm ot so crazy to go that I want to ac cept this iuT italic a. still and there's my new wtvel dre&s. and this would b such a good chance to wear it." "Well, go oa asd go!" urged Crock ett. . "Oh. 1 wculdnt dream of such a laing!" cried h:$ wfe. "But do you think it would be awful if I did? It she's a&ked me she should take the onseqt:encs. shouldn't she? Of courss I shaat but. then dont you thin'; that last hat I got looks particularly well with the velvet? I'm just dyias for a good game of bridge ve got to write my acceptance or regrets today, that's all there is Jo it!" That afternoon, as Mrs. Crockett sat down at her writing desk, her sister-in-law came In. She saw the car-i from Mrs. Hamilton Hurlburt Dicksoa. and reached out a casual hand, when Mrs. Crockett told its story. "Oh. that's meant for me!" she said. "Mrs. Dickson is a bride, and I'm a friend of her mother's and her moth er la in Europe, and she didn't know ray front name, so she looked in the telephone book and when she found a Crockett oa this street she thought the first one must be I. I wouldn't have missed that party at the Xorthedge thsb for anything!" Crockett heard about it that even ing. "I'm awfully sorry " he sympa thised, "when you wanted to go so badty!" It was then that his wife exploded. "Why, James Crockett!" she cried.. "Aa if I ever dr-r-eamed of going to her old party! The Idea! I should ay not!" JOKE ON POLICE SERGEANT Thought He Had Officer Trapped in Undertaker's Shop When Pinocle Game Was On. "Here's the best joke I ever heard on a sergeant." said a high official in the police department. "He was go ing tha rounds when he saw a police man whom we'll call Mullaney go into an undertaker's stop where there is generally a pinocle game in the back room. He knew there was no back way out for Mullaney, so "rounds' planted himself at the door and waited. "After a time he sent in word by one of the men working in the shop that he knew Mu'sney was In there and that he had better come back on post, because the longer he waited the worse the complaint against him would read. "There was much commotion in the back room, and as there were a num ber of coffins being loaded on a wagon outside they put Mullaney in a coffin and loaded him on the wagon. They drove him down the street a couple of blocks and Mullaney climbed out. He strolled back up to where the ser geant was doggedly watching the door and saluted. 'Hello, rounds, pleasant evening. isnt it? he said, and the sergeant stared for a moment and then stamp ed away too mad to speak!" New York Sun. Had His Eye On the Boat. Alexander Carr has a reputation as a wit and story teller only equaled by his reputation as an actor. His latest story was told the other night and runs as follows: Two Hebraic gentlemen, friends of long standing, went to the lake and each hired a rowboat for a trial of skill and strength. In the middle of the lake one tipped over his boat and sank from sight. Coming to the sur face close to the bow of the other boat he shouted: "Ikey. Ikey, save me. I cant swim!" Carefully holding the boat a few feet away from his drowning friend. the other looked on unmoved. Again the unfortunate one sank be low the surface, and as he came up for the second time repeated his cries for help. A third time he came up. and then as he started to disappear from sigh for the third and last time, his friend- shouted: "Abie, if you dont come up again: can I have ycur boat?" Wanted to See It Bloom. Mabel Parr, just turned six. lives a Lauderdale avenue, in Lakewood, says the Cleveland Leader. Her" mother, a Scientist, has been trou bled for some days with a cold-sore, much to her little daughter's concern. When she could not longer restrain her sympathy she turned Interroga tion point. "Mother," she asked, pointing to :he slight disfigurement, "what is !hat you've got?" "That's a rosebud, dear." said Mrs. Parr. Mabel was silent and thoughtful all die rest of the day. When she yield- id to pressure she confessed she'd een worrying about her mother. Tve been thinking about that rose Dud." she said, "and wondering why :hat flower never blooms." Polyglot Chicago. The introduction of Polish as a course In the public schools of Chi cago, by Superintendent Ella Flagg Young. Is an Interesting experiment, though some may regard it as a rash one. There is a tendency among chil dren of foreign parentage to drop their native language, while it would no doubt add to the general culture of the rising generation in our large cities if they would retain it along with the prescribed studies. If the ex periment is successful. Mrs. Young proposes to follow it up with other laasTJages. There are perhcrs 153.000 Poles in the city, but there are 14 tongues, each of which is spoken by more than 10,000 persons. Xewspa rers appear in ten languages and church services are held in twenty. In all there are forty different lan guares of dialects employed to express the thoughts, needs and emotions of the population, Chicago is the second largest Bohemian city in the worid, the third Swedish, the fourth Norwe gian, the fifth Polish and the fifth. German. If all these are to be in structed in their national language and literature the city will eventually need an Elihu Burritt or a George P. Marsh to direct its educational ac tivities. Boston Transcript. Not a Motiotheist. What might have been Oliver Her ford's last witticism was delivered of the poet-artist in a recent attack of typhoid, when the malady was neap ing its crisis. A frequent visitor was a clergyman of his acquaintance, who, leaving the sick room on this occa sion, remarked cheerfully: "Good by for the present, and God be with you." Mr. Hereford was unable to lift his head from his pillow, but he respond ed feebly: "The same to you and many of 'em- Primitive Reasoning. "Did you sell your vote?" "No. siree! I voted fur that feller 'cause I liked him." "But I understand he gave you $10?" "Well, when a man gives you $10 taint no more'n natural to like him. is it?" Wshft.'rton !tr!r. Will Maupin's Weekly $1 a Year Read it. It will do you good. ONLY SIX MORE SHOPPING DAYS! Our departments are filled with thousands of good suggestions Jor suitable Xmas presents. 5I A ramble through our various departments will be of great aid to you, both in regard to see ing our splendid values and helping you in your selection of Xmas presents. q We have them in all prices for the people in moderate circumstances, as well as the rich. (I Our store is the most popular Xmas store in town. Do not fail to pay us a visit before shopping. Santa Clans Headquarters Santa Class Headquarters Important to You Select gifts for men here. Our purchase of the O. A. Fulk elegant line of Furnishing Goods and Hats and putting them on sale at 20 Discount offers you an opportunity to buy just the kind of pres ents that men appreciate at a big saving in price. We have included in the sale all our high class Suits and Overcoats. BUY NOW FARQUHAR ss Difficult Alternative. "What I want to see." said tha ecoo mist, "ts a system which will compel; Isg enterprises to get out and aght each other to a finish." "la othr words, your Idea la that: tha only way to prevent collusion, la to, arrange a collision.' Squelched Him. Mr. Hoopah Youu de oaliest Ctrl I evr loved. Delia! VI Cote Yoa kin net heah an say tt t1!t yoa turns black la da face, but 1 aiat gw later blieva yo'!" Puck. Trick May Earn Monument. Pioneer residents have inaugurated a movement to have a tablet placed in the new state capitol of Minnesota in memory of Joseph Rolette, who, in the early days saved the prestige of St. Paul. By act of legislature the capital of Minnesota was removed from St. Paul to the rival town of St. Peter, but the hill never was signed by the governor, for. during the last ten days of the session the bill was in custody of a committee of which "Joe" Rolette was a member, and he disappeared with the bill in his pocket. His disappearance with the bill ren dered the act of the legislature void. Wo Dont Forget tha Waiter. "Well, our vacation is over. leave for home today." "I see the waiter has decorated our table with rosemary." "Rosemary, eh? Ah, yes; that's for remembrance." Measurement. "Your wife thinks a lot of you. doesnt she?" "I suppose I might say so," replied Mr. Meektoa. "When she starts in to tell me what aha thinks of ma It taken a long time." WHEN YOU WANT TO SEND A GIFT PACKAGE OF GOOD CANDY GET Ka-We-Ba Chocolates Golden Rod Chocolates Bitter Sweet Chocolates Chocolates Coated Maraschino Cherries LNUFACTURED BY GILLEN & BONEY - GOOD CANDY MAKERS LINCOLN, NEBRASKA.