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About Will Maupin's weekly. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1911-1912 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 20, 1911)
T THE WAYSIDE PHILOSOPHER Just Honey Enough. I never cared to be as rich as some men that I know, For riches ain't the only thing in this old world below; And men don't always feel the best beeause they've lots of wealth. For gold, though legal tender, won't buy its possessor health. - But I'd just like to have enough of money so when I Am called these chilly mornin'gs I'd be able to reply : "Fh-huh! All right; I'm getting up in just a minute!" Then Uoll over kind o lazy-like and go to sleep again. I never cared to own a yacht or palace car so fine; And automobiles are too strong I don't want one in mine. I don't want such a pile of gold that folks will envy me, Or mix in deals that won't let my old conscience feel quite free. But I'd just like to have enough laid carefully away So when I'm called at 6 a. m. I'd feel quite free to say: "rh-huh! All right; I'm getting np in just a minute!" Then Roll over kind o' lazy-like and go to sleep again. To corner markets, water stocks, and float a. trust or two May be the things the millionaires think lots of fun to do; But I dont want to have the fun that causes others woe. Or by a robbing set of laws make my own fortune grow. I dont want millions! that's too much my wants are not so great ; I only want enough so I at 6 a. m. could state: " Fh-huh'. All right; I'm getting up in just a minute!" Then Boll over kind o' lazy-like and go to sleep again. Will M. Maupin. The Office Boy. Wot de devil don't t "ink' uv some men kin. When de first baby is bora de neigh lor wimmen begin eountin' on their fingers. A man is never so funny as when he takes hisself too durn seriously. I know a lot o' guys dat t'ink dey are progresj.in' when dey are ruaniu around in sirkles. A lot uv ottermobiles represeut more mortgages dan evidences o' wealth. Napping. Funny, isn't it, how .vat men will exhibit their ignorance; There's WiUu-uu Howard Taft. for instance. Addressing a Washington crowd, he said that state was the largest com monwealth having equal suffrage. It wasn't true when he said it. and less true now. Washington has approxi mately 1,400.000 people. Norway with 2.200.000 people, and Australia with 4.300.000 people, are equal suffrage , commonwealths. And since Taft made the statement California with 2,300, 000 people has adopted equal suffrage,. Kveu the encyclopedias do not sutnee to keep our great men posted. Men We Like to Meet. The man who is a god listener. The man who doesn't say, "I heart! that story in a little different way." The man who does not insist on telling you the smart things his youngster said when you want to tell the smart things your own offspring said. The man who takes hold of your hand as if he really meant it, and not hand you a palm with about as much life in it as a dead jellyfish. The man who smokes the same brand of tobacco that you do, and always has a supply when you are just out. The man who doesn't laugh before you reach the point, and who does laugh when you do reach the point. The man who sometimes disagrees with you without making, plain that he thinks you are a dad-binged fool. Displayed News. The following items have been con sidered of sufficient interest by num erous exchanges to demand more than ordinary display: "John Bitterbite, who has been ail ing for some time, walked into our cfliee the other day fully restored to health. Glad of it, John. Mr. Bitter bite inforns us that after months of suffering he was fully and speedily cured by taking thirty-one bottles of Dr. Squirtemfull's Triple Extract of Dandelion Greens and Burdock Root. "For years Amri Soakemnp was a victim of alcoholism. Vainly he sought relief until an old Indian named Zim-ra-makem-weary, which means afraid to take a bath, gave him a recipe which eured him. Mr. -Soakemup is now entirely eured, and so rejoiced is he at his emancipation that he feels it his duty to inforn other victims. Kecipe sent free upon receipt of twenty-seven Ill-cent stamps. Address Amri Soakemup, Fakeville, X. Y." LOOK THEM 0VESL If you want to see the real orchard lands of the North Anerican conti nent, just take a long auto ride down through southeastern Nebraska. Hun dreds of thousands of bushels have been shipped or stored, and thousands of rosy apples still laden the trees. Fruit raisers are beginning to under stand that orchards will not take care of themselves. With that fact in mind they are cultivating and fertilizing and spraying, and as a result Ne braska orchards are coming into their own. Will Maupin 's Weekly told the story once before, but it will bear re peating time and again: Almost two decades ago a number of gentlemen in southeastern Nebraska organized a stock company to set out and conduct an apple orchard. They bought some seemingly ideal orchard land, and they set out hundreds of trees, all well selected, all well set out. Then these gentlemen sat baek and waited for the dividends to come in. They did not deem it necessary to pay any more attention to the orchard save at apple gathering time. They never got enough apples from the orchard to pay for the young trees let alone paying for the land. For years all the returns they got came in the shape of money paid them for the hay therefrom. The annual crop con sisted of a few bushels of wormy gnarly apples fit only for cider vine gar and not even for that under the present stringent pure food laws. Three or four years ago a cuiie of young graduates of the State College of Agriculture who had learned a few things about horticulture, looked ove the orchard and made the owners a proposition for a long time lease. The owners jumped at it. and really felt sorry for the two young book-learned "suckers." The first year the two young men didn't realize a dollar from their venture. On the contrary it was a big expense, for they spent money liberally in fertilizer, for cultivation, for pruning and for spraying. Last fall, however, they made the owners oi that orchard sit up and take no tice. Those two young men sold more than $15,000 worth of apples from that orchard. This year they will do even better, and next year they will do still better. Why! Because they are nsing their brains; because they are using modern methods of fruit culture; because they are working hard ami intelligently. And what these two young men have done for that old and abandoned orchard may be done by other equally intelligent and industrious young men to scores of southeastern Nebraska orchards that are now practically worthless. CURRENT TOPICS Continued from Page 1 need he, for the record of the last legislature shows for itself. Governor Aldrich will not add to his good record by allowing his partisanship to prevent him from giving the legisla- CLARENCE E. HARMAN OF HOLDREGE Democratic candidate for state railway commissioner. Mr. Harman stands for a strenuous defense of the 2-cent fare law and the physical valuation of public service corporations. Mr. Harman lives at Hold rege. Two of the present commissioners live in the extreme east end of the state. The republican can didate against Mr. Harman lives in Lincoln, already represented on the commission. The western part of the state is entitled to reresentation. Mr. Harman would make a capable representative. ture of 1911 full credit for its good work. It enacted some good, whole some and humane laws; it made needed appropriations, seemingly large because they had to make good the omissions and the neglects of former sessions one democratic and the rest republican. In view of what there was to be done, the legislature of 1911 made an enviable record, and the gov ernor should be big enough and broad enough to admit the fact. Trust Nebraskans to make their presence felt, no matter where they land. A former Nebraska woman Mary Fairbrother. is secretary of tue California Equal Suffrage Association, and it was Mary Fairhrotlier who planned the campaign and directed the fight. There wasn't any demon strations like unto those we read about as having been pulled off in England; no rioting, no assaults. Not much! Mary Fairbrother appealed to the jus tice and good sense of the men of California, and she won the fight She simply demonstrated anew the fact that when you want a thing done nd done right, put a Nebraskan on the job. The republican state central eom nittee exhibits a remarkable case of pure and undiluted gall in sending out a circular in which credit is claimel for the g. o. p. for the enactment o? the 2-cent passenger law by the legis lature of 1907. The fact of the matter is that the democrats endorsed that measure in their platforu, while the republicans were silent. Governor Sheldon opposed the law and allowed it to become such without his sanction. It was passed by the unanimous votes of the democratic- members of the legislature, aided by a deeidedly small minority of the republican members. Nor are the evidences of gall to say nothing of unfairness lacking in the g. o. p. circular's claim that the democratic sessions of 1909 and 1911 were "extravagant." True the ses sion of 1909 appropriated $836,000 more than the republican session of 1907. But why! Beeause the repub- lican session of 1907 sought to deceive the voters into believing it was prac ticing "eeonony," when it was merely playing a very disreputable sort of polities making the depend ent wards of the state suffer from neglect that the party managers might reap some glory as "economical mana gers of the state's finances." At the close of the-biennium, April 1, 1909 the state buildings were in a sorry state of neglect, and in many instances were wholly inadequate. It took fully s350.000 to repair the state's buildings and make. them fit for human habita tion, to say nothinsr of being -suitable for the sick, the aged and the iniina wards of the state. Two hnnured thousand dollars of the IPO! appro priations were for new buildings thai had been inperatively needed for years. And most of the reaiaiiulr "f that "huge excess appropriation" ras for educational purposes. Anybody who is deceived by the circular is sued by the republican stat central committee would make an almighty good subject for the gentlenieu v,!i: deal in gold bricks, mining str;I: u "srreen sroods.". We note from a careful reading of our exchanges that Mayor DahVuan has been cured of something or other by the use of Dr. Soakem's Peculiar Pills for Perfectly Pindling People. We have forgotten just what ailment it was that Mayor Jin was -.r.-ed of, but it was something besidss Dr. Soakem's pills that cured the mayor of his obession that he could he ejected governor of Nebraska on a wide open platform. KEEP IT BEFORE THE PEOPLE Nebraska has more things to be proud of than any other state. She ought to be making every one of them known to all the world. Nebraska is remiss in her duty to herself when she fails to advertise her resources and pos sibilities to the remotest corners of the earth. Nebraska has some mighty big things, thank you. She has the largest creamery plant in the world. Her largest city, Omaha, is the great est butter market in the world. She has the third largest packing center in the world. She has the seeond largest smelter ia the world. She is the third largest corn pro ducer. She is the third largest dairying state, and promises to be the largest inside of ten years. Her annual egg ontpnt is worth more than the gold output of any state or territory. Her annual butter, egg and poultry output is worth more than the gold and silver output of any two states or ter ritories. ; Iler annual oatput of corn and wheat is worth more than the nation "s annual ontpnt of crude petroleum. - - Iler annual ontpnt of grains and grasses is worth more than tLe coal output of Pennsylvania. Iler annual corn ontput is wortA more than the nation's annual out pat of copper. If one year's product of her farms were loaded in standard freight ears and the cars made into one train, the train would reach from St- Petersburg Russia, to a point in the Pacific ocean nearly a thousand miles due west of San Francisco, crossing the Bailie sea, the English channel, England. Ireland, the Atlantic ocean and the United States. She has nearly a million acres in al falfa, and the aereage is increasing at the rate of 10 per cent a year. She has more than eight million dol lars worth of interest bearing securities in her permanent school fond, and school property, including school lands, worth $40,000,000. She has 49,000,000 acres, three fourths of it fertile and less than two fifths of it under cultivation. She has a climate unsurpassed, a sofl more fertile than that of the valley of the Nile. She offers more opportunities to tfca honest and industrious home-makes than any other state or territory and she isn't doing a blessed thing to make the f aet known.