III Timed Humor.
Dr. Frederick Van Eeden. the Dutch
j physician and author, always kept In
; sight the Injustice of fate that sub
i jecta the poor to tortures from which
(
THE
ONYX
FOUNTAIN
The fnest in the west. Just the
place for those delicious summer
drinks.
Lincoln's popular after-the-mitr-nee
and after-the-opera resort.
Good service quickly performed.
The parlor de hue.
RECTOR'S
12th and OSL
the rich are exempt. He told the fol
lowing bitter little anecdote, which
occurred during his student days in
Amsterdam:
Once a poor man was brought in
affected with a very strange and rare
r
; disease of the spine that caused him.
by involuntary spasms of the legs, to
Maupin-Shoop Publishing Co.
Successors to
Wageworker Publishing Co.
Jump and to continue hopping when he
tried to stand on his legs. Our pro
fessor wanted to show this to his stu
dents, and he requested the patient to
AUTO 2748
stand on his feet. The poor man
looked at the crowd around and said
with a pathetic, imploring look:
If the gentlemen will please not
laugh." The professor promised they
would be serious.
And yet when the man began to
hop the "gentlemen" roared. And I
felt the tears come to my eyes and
my fists close in my pockets. World's
Work.
K
r
E. FLEMING
1211 O Street
Jewelry and wares 01
Precious Metals.
Best selected stock in Lincoln.
Here you can get anything you
want or need in the line of
jewelry, and at the inside
price. Especially prepared for
commencement and wedding
gifts.
II 'atch repairing and
EngiM'ing.
See Fleming First
r;'?vr
OFFICE OF
DR. R. L. BENTLEY,
SPECIALIST CHILDREN
Otbce Hour I to 4 p. m. ,
Office 2119 OS. -BothPW-
LINCOLN. NEBRASKA
To Repair a Map.
-A. coa preparation to ufe in re
placing the piece which have fallen
o9 the cotton of the man .jy be
made aa follows: Beat up a paste of
rye Hour and add to It good sree In
proportion of one-quarter tie. weight
of tie flour. Mix weU; spread lightly
on the cottoa. and carefully afflx the
torn piece. .
Had a Protest C amino- tf
-Ethel.- said Mr. Browuri want
row to civ that young man- ofyours
a little message from to.'' "''Tea,
rather." said Ethel, bluiLIog. ."Ta
hint that your mother and father doat
object to big gas bills, but they ob
ject to hts carrying thereortrtrg pa.
per away with aim when he I uvea
man.
Emtio. "
"One objection, tt eeeins to me,
again being a great man," said the
peraoa who habitually doe$ M Jhink
tng along erratic line, ""la ,t.after
a atateamaa baa made footprint on
the sands of time It keeps him busy
trying to obliterate them." Puck.
UtHlaed Spare Time.
"One can aceompttah much by utU
Ikiag apex momenta." Tharu right.
That tall girl yonder has read seven.
summer novels thia eeasoa. wtOa aha
waa dummy at bridge." LonhrrtOa
Oourier-JoernaL t
v no
Entnuelasfn storsr Alt
Every good and commanding nor
tea tn Ue annals of th world ts the
triumph of enthueiaem. Nothing great
ever accomplished without, tt.
England the Plsasv
The manufacture of eottoa seed
products oa a commercial seal had
tta beginning ta England, and aa lata
aa IS 74 that country, wtta aa annual
crash of 100.00a tone, waa U leading
cotton seed oil producing country ta
the world.
Everything Put Right. 1
"Father, the ike has proposed, and
we want to be married Immediately."
"All right. Here's a check tor your
BilTH Tel the duke to step la and
III give htm a dollar to get" Che II-
" Louisville CourieisIouraaL
A Greenland Duel.
It is rather a pity for the geyety of
nations that French men of letters
cannot fight their duels as duels are
fought in Greenland. In Greenland
when one man has been insulted by
another the adversaries each compose
a satire in verse. This each man re
cites to his household until the serv
ants and the women know it by
heart. Then a place of meeting is ap
pointed. The two men. the insulter
and insulted, the offender and offended,
stand face to face, and each recites his
poem. Ills friends and servants form
a chorus. Each man tries hard to
raise the laugh against his adversary.
Each man speaks in turn, whipping
the enemy with epigram and quip,
and after two hours of this wordy
battle the meeting gives the victory
to him of the two adversaries who
has amused the whole assembly most.
Colored His Sermons.
"A minister has got to be alive and
resourceful today." said a deacon of a
big metropolitan church. "Ours finds
be cant speak well extemporaneously,
and he reads from a typewritten copy,
t never knew how he managed to
preach so effectively until one day I
happened to see his manuscript. Half
of it was underlined in different colors.
It looked so curious that I asked him
about it.
"'A little scheme of mine, he said
laughingly. I found I was delivering
what I had written in the same tone.
So now. early on Sunday morning, I
go over the copy I carry into the pul
pit. I keep crayon pencils of six differ
ent colors on my desk. Red means
one tone, green yet another, yellow and
blue yet others. As I turn each page j
I see ax a glance jusi now t am w
speak. New York Son.
Secret Societies.
Secret societies are so ancient that
their origin is lost in the mists of the
past. They existed in Egypt. Persia.
India, at the earliest times with
which history or legend gives us any
insight. It seems to be natural for
men to organise such societies for both
good and evil purposes. Nearly all the
ancient religions were of a two faced
character, popular and secret, or. as
they are called, "esoteric and "es
oteric." the first for the few. the in
itiated, the second for the rank and
file. The philosophers would teach one
thing to the masses of the people and
another to the select few who made up
the "Inner circle. Cicero tells us that
the wise men of Some and Ureece be
lieved quite differently from the cout
mou run of Greeks and Romans.
A Good Listener.
Alfred Uenry Lewis, the author, was
walking up Pennsylvania avenue one
day when he met Louis Brownlow. the
magazine writer.
"Louis. said I jew is solemnly, "listen
to me for three hours.
"Why. what's the matterT asked
Brownlow. - .
-Why. said Lewis indignantly. "I've
been in this town all day, and every
body else has been doing the talking.
I do love my Uttle conversation"
Brownlow went to luncheon with
htm and. after doing a sprint in long
distance listening, pulled out his watch
with the remark: "Lewis. I've listen
ed to you for three hours ami nine
minutes; Goodby." Sew York Trib
une. The Genuine Article.
"I dont know about this picture.
Bobby. said the visitor as he ran
over specimens of the youngster's
camera, work. I am afraid a dog
with a propeller instead of a tail is
something of a fake."
"That ain't a propeller. said. Bobby.
That's hU tail. He kept, waggin it
while his picture waa being tookened.
Harper's Weekly.
Vulgar,
"When ordering champagne some
people are not satisfied with the pop
of the cork.
"Think notr
"No: they think the waiter ought to
also sound a gong. Kansas City Jour
nal. Women and Youth.
She A woman, you know, is as
young as she looks. lie Yes, but un
fortunately she isn't always as young
as she thinks she looks. Exchange.
Sarcastic
Major Mull The doctor says he
thinks I am suffering from brain fag.
Miss Cynic Rather a flatterer, Isnt
net Loudon Opinion.
It is manly to love one's country; it
is godlike to love the world. J. W.
Co&knn.
1705
ii
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8uq tjjKoo ejsj,s stiMU q auU ooj
eouuOAUoo e;qjojaiao ejooa c si 1
paioiioq eq pinom jaawjBjs sju. mnq
rojk O3o3 eqi jojq sjsai c paip jon
ptq jaiared aqj .1134 ji -suaqna jo
JOj. eqj x Xaqj ju;j. qosoo dqi at
o paSanAjd osoqi souojut usipoisna
T paepui -suaqoH jo tis oqi ui
sudmxa pJ- pMuope J stoned oqx
-pepfOAU anjajeo 8utq wut iqi-iK5
ajttMUJnj tjuoiin) sinoa usinSun
ajp qojqji soAjna on If qn poduqs
at ptra "jsx nj mnq ssja tl ajisjnb
-an aja aattixro pun s8uippm aqt 1
1l"U oo pou oopd ui suoiuodoja
U aotta)spre uj qeoa ejajs mjwnsoq
Tfaotn etj) ruto vrjsnY joMdma aqj.
uoaoo ons uevt"1
AwtfKMU Not Posted.
'Witts have often proved a. stumhttBg
Mock to the novelist. One- flagrant
ease may be meotiooed. ' A popular
writer causes an old aristocrat to have
Ma "last win and testament" wta
o eased by hia butler and bia feoose
keeper. yet he makes them both bene
fit under It. By so doing a rendered
the will invalid. But the author did
not know it.
In Proportion.
Wlfle I want a cap. please for my
husband.
Shopkeeper Yea, madam. What
alae does he wear?
Wine WeU. I really forget. His cot
tars are slse sixteen; though I expect
he'd want about also eighteen or ts aa
ty tor a oap, wouldnt hat
Vast Wealth Wasted,
According to the American Marti tn
tst. It baa been estimated that there
ta lost snnnalty more than a minion
and a half barrels of oil by the burn
ing of oa wells.
Dally Thought.
Dare to be what yon are, aad to
learn to resign with a good grace all
that you are not and to believe ta your
owa Individuality Amlel.
Printers and Publishers
There is nothing in the line of
GOOD PRINTING
we cannot do promptly and to your entire
satisfaction.
Everything about our printery is new and
of the latest designs. Not an old font of type
or a bit of old machinery in the shop.
Will
A Journal
O STREET
How Birds Keep Warm.
The high temperature uf b.rIa -
ables them to resist cold mcr; efTrc
tively than they could otherwise la
Whereas blood heat in r.:as s ?S 4
degreea Fahrenheit it Is 107 decrees
tn the domestic fowl and more is
some other birds.
Nevertheless they feel the cold
cruelly, as you may see any frost
night tt you visit an Ivy creeper clad
wall.wtth a lantern; the sparrows nes
tle together tn a closely packed mass,
and tf there, be a chimney you may be
rmre the btrda win have chosen Its ex
terior aa tbetf roosting place for the
sake of,. each warmth as tt may give
Made Woman's Opportunity.
American. Oiw'llers are sold all
the world. Minions are in. use.
Nothing, else: that has been invented
has been so potent In affording busi
ness opportunity for women. It waa
after she bad entered bonis ess as a
typtst that aoman began to branch
oat Into other Ones of endeavor.
Cxpected It.
crazy vehicle
went bumping
over the unovea. pavement.
Thia ta eoongh to drive a mu ta
drink.- groaned the passenger tnstde.
Teestr," satd the candrtver. "Most
of the f altera that hires it think If a
good enough. Cor that Any ptlculai
place yon was wishln" to atop at right
bod Reasons.
Tet they say the widower, who baa
Jost got married again, was an broken
up when his first wife died." "Then
tf be was all broken up. that waa a
good reason why ha should be repair
ed." Baltimore American.
stake tne Best Use of It.
tt ta useless to desire more time, tf
you are already wasting what little
you harve; for you would only grow
more Indolent and Indifferent. Whitel
Class AdtrUalng.
: Maupin's Weekly
of Cheerful Comment. For People Who
Think and Boost
ONE DOLLAR A YEAR
Their Particular Sin.
A school for poor children having
read In their chapter in the Bible the
denunciations against hypocrites who
"strain at a gnat and swallow a cam
el," were afterwards examined by the
benevolent patroness. Lady , aa to
their recollection of the chapter.
"What, In particular, was the sin
of the Pharisees, children T and the
lady, "Ating camels, my lady," was
the prompt reply- .
b an every day delicacy that all
can afford.
A few cents a month cowers the. difference
between ordinary butter and "Meadow Gold."
Butter b one of those "big little things'" a poor V
I quality can leave a feeling of dissatisfaction with an t
I entire meal, while good butter lends an additional I
I charm I
I The delicious flavor of "Meadow Gold" Butter I
is particularly enticing. Its rare richness J
appeals to the most fastidious palate.
Sold by aU
-ii&5 dealers who are
irie3' butter oarticular.
J
Do One's Best.
We cannot avoid meeting great lav
All that we can determine fcr
ourselves is, whether we shall rmrrf
them well or HL Theodore Roose
velt. "There's no doubt," remarked
shopkeeper, "there sre too many
hugs and swindlers tn this town.
"That Is so." sgreed hia compautous
"you and I must leave It!
Its Flavor
Wins Favor
f - -
