ABSINTHE AS A "TOOTH DOPE"
CANT STAND FOR EVERYTHING
Bartender Finds Out One Good Thing
About the Popular But Wicked
Stimulant.
He had just had a tooth out one of
those extractions that seem to go to
the root of all things and dashed in
to see his friend the bartender for
solace. He called for whisky, and as
he swallowed a toper's portion ex
plained the reason for his haste. He
had to drown the pain, he said, over
the bar, and while he was about it
guessed he would repeat the dose.
"I know a better way than that,"
said the barkeeper, forcibly removing
the whisky bottle from the bar. "Ab
sinthe is What you jaeed." And he
poured out about a thimbleful.
"All that?" inquired the toothless
one. "Aren't you . afraid it will lay
me out?"
'"S"nough," said the bartender. "Just
put that in your mouth; don't swallow
it; and let it soak in where the tooth
was. It will fix you all right; stop the
hemorrhage and the pain at the same
time."
Credulously the customer obeyed,
and found almost instant relief. .
"Dangerous stuff that," said the bar
tender; "even those who use it admit
Its wickedness, its treachery to its
friends, Its general cussedness. But
It's a good friend to the man who's
had a tooth out or who has an ache in
a tooth that isn't out Don't know
why it isn't only the alcohol in it.
but it's the best tooth dope I've
found." !
FISH FOR IRON THROUGH ICE
How the Swedes Get. Ore From the
Bottom of Some of Their
Lakes.
The bottoms of many Swedish lakes
are covered to a thickness of six or
eight Inches with fragments of iron
ere of the size of peas. This lake ore
consists chiefly of ochre, or hydrated
oxide of iron, mixed with silicate and
phosphate of iron, clay, sand and other
impurities, and yields pig iron of very
good quality.
The ore Is obtained by very primitive-methods.
In winter a hole is cut
in the Ice, a scraper attached on a
long pole is inserted and all of the
ore within reach is collected into a
heap beneath the hole. Some of the
mud which has been scraped together
with the ore Is removed by stirring
the mass with poles, and the ore is
then scraped Into bags which, have
been sunk and Is hauled up.
In summer this curious mining oper
ation Is conducted in a similar man
ner from rafts anchored in the lake.
Two miners can bring up about four
tons of ore in a day. Steam dredges
have recently been installed In a few
places. About thirty years after the
removal of the ore a new layer of
the same thickness is found to have
been produced by natural chemical
processes.
Wasted Effort.
"I want you to subscribe something
10 the fund we are raising for the pur
pose of giving. Senator Bunk a grand
reception when he comes from Wash
ington. How much shall we put you
down for?" I
"Nothing!" !
"Nothing? Why. you must admit
that Senator Bunk has made a great
record in congress. He has succeeded
In making himself one of the leaders
of the most, dignified deliberative
body on earth." i
"Yes, but he's got all the offices at
r.ls disposal filled, so what's the use
- Chicago Record-Herald.
Every Man Has Weak Spot in HI
Humorous Nature and Falls to
See Joke.
A man who lacks a sense of hinnoi
Is despised by all.' But every man
has a weakness somewhere in his hu
morous nerve. Every man knows of
some joke which is amusing to all but
himself. f
For my part I never could see any
thing funny about any one having the
toothache. What on earth Is funny
about the toothache? I have had
plenty of opportunity to observe this
phenomenon in all Its phases, and
while I admit that toothache is thrill
ing and exciting, I cannot see where
the fun comes in. v-
I have six children and they each
have toothache by turns, Bulstrode
has it Monday, AJax Tuesday, Abe
lard Wednesday, Sinbad Thursday,
Fritz Friday, Peter Saturday, and I
have it myself on Sunday. Everybody
in the house has it but my wife and
the cook. One of them hasn't time,
and the other cannot afford to have
It. But as It is we are busy with It
all week.
When I stagger into the office Tues
day morning clutching my hot, throb
bing head the boss inquires: "What's
the matter?"
I say: "Little Bulsey had the tooth
ache all night last night."
"Too bad!" says the boss.
Wednesday morning finds the same
symptoms in me, and the same ques
tion comes from the boss.
"Ajax had it this time." I say. -
The next 'day the boss questions me,
and 1 say it was little Sinby's turn,
and the next day Fritz and the next
Peter. The boss is always sympa
thetic. But on Monday when I tell him 1 1
had the toothache myself he lets out
a horrible roar of laughter. I de
spise such misplaced humor. H. P.
Qalt in Chicago News.
Fond Hearts Finally United. -
After waiting 30 years for her to be
come a widow, George Sleegarm of
Wilkesbarre, Pa., has married' Mrs.'
Marietta Tehern of Hazelton. When
they were young in Germany, they, fell
in love, and would have married had
It not been for the opposition of their
parents. They tried to elope, but
were discovered and caught before It
was posslMe for 'them to wed. Slee
garm, despondent and angry, emi
grated, and his sweetheart, who was
married a year after he left followed
a few years later with her husband;
who died a short time ago. Sleegarm
lately discovered the his old sweet
heart lived in Hazleton. The old court
ship was begun again and culminated
in their wedding the other day.
Poe's Conundrum.
Edgar A. Poe, great as was his gen
ius, had but little humor. He had.
however, a hard. Intellectual wit which
scintillated- In the most unexpected
ways. He was accustomed to de
nounce punning as the most banal and'
foolish of all kinds of pleasantry, and
satirized on every occasion the pov-
erty of faculty which indulged itself
in this kind of pseudo-cleverness.
On one occasion a brilliant company
in which he was present, knowing his
foible, was teasing Poe with a . pro
fusion of conundrums, and challenging
him to make one. The poet grimaced.'
and Instantly shot forth this: . -.,
"Why is Aesop's fable of the t fox
that lost his tail disproved by geol
ogy?" .':.
Every one was nonplused, and Poe
had to give the' answer: e;;;
."Because no animal remains have
ever been found ' in trap." Youth's
Companion.-- . :
F. W. BROWN
' LUMBER CO.
) 700 O STREET PHONE 1586 ()
Bell 3401 ,
JOHN WESTOVER
Manufacturers of Bridge
and Building Iron
1900 W Street
WILL MAUPIN'S WEEKLY
ERNEST
Hardware, Stoves, Paint
Window Glass Etc.
108 North Tenth Street
Telephones, Bell 972, Auto 2853
Auto 1745
Lincoln, Nebraska
HOPPE
Dealer in
Lincoln, Nebraska