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About Will Maupin's weekly. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1911-1912 | View Entire Issue (April 7, 1911)
pccts to have a lot of fresh lettuce and rad
ishes. We done seen him when he bought
the seeds. We're in on the garden truck or
we'll tell the boss man of the 'Lopes.
LET US GO THE SUNDAY BLUE LAW LIMIT
Pa Rourke is going to have the finest ball
park in the west, and one of the finest in
the country. He has spent $35,000 in fixing
up the old Vinton street park, and people
will hardly know it when they take it in the
first time this season. Now if Fa can only
assemble a team that is in the runing for
the pennant he will have to hire a dray to
haul his money to the bank. Having a
sneaking liking for the old boy we are hop
ing that the Antelopes will be the only team
between him and the pennant when the sea
The worst thing about sentencing Jack
Johnson to jail for thirty days on the charge
of ovcrspeeding was that he got out on a
writ of error, or havehis corpus, or some
other blamed technicality, before he had
Leen in quod more'n an hour.
Des Moines threatens to be the weak sis
ter in the circuit this season. Manager Hig
gins hasn't shown any ginger so far in as
sembling a winner, and according to the Des
Moines dopesters the outlook is as gloomy
as as can be.
.T:" TT 11 r 1 ,
ixip raageriiian wouia iainy eat em up
if they moved the pitcher's box a couple of
feet nearer the batter. In that event "Rip"
would merely lean over and hand the ball
to the catcher. When it comes to the elong
ated pitching staff Lincoln has got 'em all
lashed to the kitchen sink and hollerin' for
the cook. With three pitchers aggregating
within an inch or two of nineteen feet Lin
coln tops 'em all.
Waterloo has cinched her position in the
hrce-eyed league, and here's hoping we've
heard the last of the squabble.
Gag the Stiing Fiends
For, heaven's sake put the gag on the
newspaper correspondents who wire to east
ern papers that "Nebraska is experiencing
a blizzard" every time there is a little snow
furry! Last Sunday, for instance, the
weather changed a bit and a little sleet and
snow fell while the wind was blowing a bit
harder than usual. Monday morning every
eastern daily contained big headlines over
special telegrams, mostly under an Omaha
date, declaring that Nebraska was suffering
from a blizzard. This sort or rot is doing
Nebraska incalculable harm. The storm in
question didn't amount to anything, and it
wasn't cold enough to nip a beet top and
beets are about the easiest thing nipped by
frost. Nebraska hasn't had a real blizzard
in fifteen years. Sunday's "blizzard" was
just enough of a storm to purify the atmos
phere and set the bio 2d trie Ting through
one's veins.- The correspondents who made
a few cents by wiring out the "fake news"
damaged the state to tie extent of thou
sands of dollars. If tl cy refuse to quit the
criminal practice they ought' to be incarcerated,
Sunday base ball is illegal. Those who
play it are criminals. If we are to have
"blue laws" let's go the limit. Let those
who want to go to church on Sunday do so,
but let us make them walk by stopping the
street cars on Sunday. Sunday street cars
means work fo'r hundreds of men who are
entitled to rest on Sunday and a chance to
rttend church. Let us shut up every bakery,
('rug store and soda fountain on Sunday.
Stop the trains. It is just as wicked to
pilcasure ride on Sunday as it is to play
ball forbid it. If it is wicked to sit on the
pleasure ride on Sunday as it is to play
U is wicked to sit on the front porch on
t i;. t day and enjoy the sight of autos and
I logics and cyclists whizzing by. If it is
a -ched for salaried ball players to enter
tain a lot of people in a grand stand, it is
a congregation of men and women on
wrong for a salaried choir to entertain
tlie same day. If it is wrong for men and
Avomen to seek Sunday recreation at a ball
l ark, it is wrong for men and women to
!L?ek Sunday recreation anywhere. Let us
not strain at gnats and swallow camels. If
we are to have Sunday blue laws let's go
the limit. Stop everything. Make it a day
" of fasting, with no work, no recreation,
nothing but solemnity, wearing our faces as
long as pumphandles and not daring to pro
fane the day eron by listening to the birds
singing or watching the kittens at play. You
workers who leave your homes in the morn
ing before the kiddies are awake, and get
home in the evening after the kiddies are
asleep; you who are driven by necessity
from bed to vork, and by fatigue from work
to bed; you who dare not lose an hour lest
your little ones hunger don 't you tare to
play ball. The only day you have for your
own you must spend as some one else dic
tates. You are permitted only to toiLand
slave and suffer. That is your destiny.
But the birds still sing on Sunday al-x
though they would be stopped if within the
power of some to stop them. The lambs still
spend Sunday in renewing, your flagging
muscles. Don't you dare take the kiddies for
a walk through the fields. Don't you dare
relax mind and body by watching criminals
gambol, but there are those who would pre
vent it on the Sabbath if they could. ' The
squirrels wall gather their nuts on Sunday,
and on the first day of the week Dame
Nature will pursue her wonted way. But
the tired worker he must be guided by the
rules laid down by others who know nothing
of his condition.
Let's go the limit on this blue law busi
ness. Jail the man who kisses his wife on
Sunday. To the gallows with the man who
caresses his little ones on Sunday. To the
stake with the man who dares to stroll
through fields and woods. Into the boiling
oil with the man who dares to bat a ball or
run the bases. Having discovered that the
church has failed after two thousand years
of effort, let us take refuge in legislative
enactment and the sheriff's writ. Let us
try to make men moral by law. If we suc
ceed, what a saving we can make. When
we can save the souls of men by enacting a
statute there will be no further need of
churches and priests and missionaries..
Now let's go the limit.
WHAT THE OFFICE BOY SAYS
De more I see o' politikins de better I like
I'm wise t' de fac' dat he is a man wot has
been tryin' t' acomplish somethin.'
De trouble wid most fellers is dat dey ex
hausts deirselves in de prospectus.
I ain't no medicine sharp, but I'm hep t'
de fac' dat wot some men t'ink is religion is
only mental dispepshy. 1
Eny fool kin "knock" on his town or on
his neighbors an' most of 'em do.
If I had fin ottermobile I might t'ink it
w'as wicked t' play ball on Sunday.
If dere ain't no hell I wish I hed th' mak
in' o' one f'r de guys w'ot profit from de
labor o' kids and wimmen.
If dere was more o' de square deal dere
woiildn't be any need o' so much charity.
Some o' dese days I'm goin' t' call de
attenshun o' de foreign mishunary societies
t' de heathen fathers an' mothers dat live in
When de time comes we kin make men
moral by law de parsons will be out o' jobs.
I reckon God is goin' t' judge us by w'ot
we're tryin' t' do, not by what we say we've
I've been read in' up a bit, but I ain't yet
found no savage communities w'ot live off
de toil o' deir childrun. Dat is left f'r
Christian communities. .
De fellers wot puts on de most front us
ually has de back alleys nearest de.ir front
De doit on me hands don't matter as long
as I don't git none on my heart.
De best men I knows of are so busy mak
in' a honest livin' dat dey don't have no
time ter tell how religious dey arer.
Say, if you'd run some o' dem peek-a-boo
shoitwaists de goils wears in summer
!e piano player it would play de
"Maiden's Prayer" f'r fair.
It's jus' dis wray writ' me: When I hear
a man bein' backcapped by a lot o' fellers
I'd ruther see a man smokin' cigaroots
dan hear him always callin' hard names de
feller wot don't t'ink like he does,
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