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About Will Maupin's weekly. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1911-1912 | View Entire Issue (March 31, 1911)
SPEAKING OF OUR "AMERICAN PEERESSES" Our enterprising contemporary, the Lin coln Daily Star, in its issue of last Sunday morning, favored us with a list of "Ameri can peeesses" who will appear in their 'robes and coronets" at the crowning of their majesties, King George and Queen Mary, at Westminster Abbey on June 22, Of course the whole story is a lot of "rot," but it will interest many people. But Will Maupin's Weekly wants it distinctly under stood that not all of the "American peeress es" appear by name in the list published by the esteemed Star not by several mil lions. Nor does the Star's list contain the real creamof the lot not by a danged sight On June 22 the greatest "American peeress" of the whole bunch is going to get out of bed about the usual time, prepare breakfast for a gang of the brightest and best kiddies in the country, get 'em all out of bed, wash their faces and comb their hair, rout a sleepy husband out of slumberland and send him off down town prepared to hustle in good shape, and then do the sweeping and dusting and baking. Her robe will be neat and clean calico wrapper unless she has a premonition that callers are due and her coronet will be the love of her husband and of that same bunch of kiddies who know without question that they have the best little mother in all the land. Talk about your "American peeres ses!" Bless ycur souls, the pick of the whole lot never were within three thousand miles of the Court of St. James, and never expect to be. And the "American peeress here described may be found in a thousand homes in America. The sixteen names of "American peeresses" published by the esteemed Star make up a list of sixteen snobesses ; sixteen American girls who have traded good American dollars for the right to be th? playthings of a lot of frazzled-out and ' washed-out aristocrats who are not worthy of unlacing the shoe of any self-respecting, industrious, honest American me chanic. There arc some things that give Will Maupin's Weekly a feeling of lassitude in its lm::bar region and the rapid develop ment of American snobacracy is one of them. WHAT THE OFFICE BOY SAYS Ev'ry time I hear a feller sayin' he don't keer t' hold his job I feel like givin' his boss de tip. I hev offun notused dat de guys wot say dey c'n drink er let it alone genrully hev noses dat don't leave no doubt erbout deir drinkin'. After I've hustled a whole week t' earn me liviif it's blamed tuff t'. have t' spend me only rest day t' suit de fancy o' some guy wot . don't know what hard work is. . Some fellers wid de cleanest hands has de doitiest hearts. - A rnighty lot o' smart young fellers dat stand on de corners an' make remarks about de goils fergit day dey hev sisters o' deir own. De. greatest fenawncier in dis country is de woman dat c'n feed an' clothe a house full o' kids on de -wages what her husband earns woikin' half-time. Pa says dat dere is more ways o' wor shippin' God dan goin' t' church t' listen to a sermonette smothered in a concert. Pa knows, too. De trcoly good is consignin' so many fel lers t' hell dat dey are in danger o' makin' de place popular. Dem heiresses wot marry dem foreign jukes may git de titles, but de goils dat marry Americans git de men. A lot of pious folks dat is hollerin' erbout de wickedness o' de white slavers is payin' goils wages dat makes de woik o' de white slavers mighty easy. Boostin' pays such big intrust in de way o' pleasure dat I wonder more fellers don't git into de game. True love don't ask f'r no change back. I reckon God ain't goin' t' ask big results frum de guy wot does his best an' accom plishes but little. I reckon dat God ain't goin' t' waste any time answerin' de prayers o' a man dat's alius askin' f'r somethin' he can git out and grab off f'r hisself. I'm agraid dat a lot o' Christians took good care not t' let deir pecketbooks git baptized wid 'em. As long as a feller's character is good he needn't worry much about his reputation. TAKE KEER O' YERSELF, BISHOP DOANE Bishop William Crosswell Doane, of the Protestant Episcopal church, residing in Al bany, N. Y., has refused to permit a wo man to speak in his cathedral. Mrs. Eliza beth B. Grannis, president of the national league for the promotion of purity, asked permission to speak in All Saints cathe dral during the convention of the league, but Bishop Doane vetoed the proposition, quoting the words of St. Paul: "Let your women keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them to speak." This language will be found in I Corinthians, xiy :34. Will Maupin's Wreekly has always looked upon Paul as about the greatest man, save One. ever walking and teaching on this earth. But even Paul had his limitations. He was a crusty old bachelor, and in' some ways, was deeply prejudiced, Maybe hh experience with women in church work was such as to lead him into the belief -that they should remain silent, although we can hardly imagine that such goodly and godly women as Dorcas could have led, him into such an error. And maybe conditions were such during Paul's time that it was best for the women to remain silent. But what, wc ask, would become of the church of to day if the women were to heed Paul's in junction and remain silent? Bless the pre judiccd heart of Bishop Doane, he wouldn't have any more church than a rabbit were it not for the self-sacrificing devotion, the earnest work, the constant activities of the women. Neither would any other minister. Paxil also said something about the wo men wearing headgear in ' church. Does Bishop Doane insist that the women who listen to his sermon remove their bonnets? We trow not, for we've heard nothing that leads us to believe that Bishop Doane preaches exclusively to men, and we know from observation that the women simply will not remove their bonnets in church. We feel sorry for Bishop Doane. He is going to have something handed to him before he gets through with this woman question. And it will be a plenty, too, For a real cinch on the job an Episcopal bishop has them all lashed to the mast, but even an Episcopal bishop has his limita tions, and when one tries to squelch the fair sex,, even by scriptural quotation, he is up against the real thing. And especially when that scriptural quotation exhorting the women to silence is taken from the writ ings of a crusty old bachelor. It will be a sorry day for churches and church work when the women are com pelled to remain silent. If ever the women church workers go on strike against such injustice as. Bishop Doane purposes per petuating, from that dav the church will hit the toboggan. Without their little mission ary socities, their socials, their sacrifices and their devotiqns, the church is going to de cline to a sure and speedy fall and it should. We'll take Paul's advice on almost anything save the woman question, but we prefer to be guided by our own experience on that subject. And wise as he is, Bishop Doane is going to know a lot more before he is through with his efforts to suppress Elizabeth B. Grannis and the other devoted. Christian women whose devotion to re ligious works has made possible the nice soft, easy berth held by Bishop Doane. Goodby, Bishop; take keer o' yerself! Wakes Us Very Weary . This thing of touting some prize-fighter as "the white man's hope" because he shows symptoms of being able to bash the block off of Jack Johnson, makes us very weary. We'll not lose a minute's sleep nor sweat a hair if no white man ever comes along to wrest the bruising laurels from the sable brow of the big smoke. We never shed a tear when Bruiser Johnson whanged Bruiser Jeffries into the land of troubled dreams. On the contrary, being, of Caucasian de scent we rather rejoiced when the palm for bruising went from a white man to a black man. And now, that certain newspapers and sporting dope writers are forever talking about this or that embryotic white bruiser being "the white man's hope," we feel like arising upon our rear underpinning and protesting. There isn't a single pale-faced or pie-faced white prize fighter in the country who is carrying any of the hopes of the presiding genius of Will Maupin's Weekly. Not by a dad-blamed sight, and then some. "White man's hope," indeed! That sort of balderdash may make a hit in some quarters, but not in the vicinity of the office where . the bright thoughts are ground out for this newspaper. The Girl We Are Seeking Will Maupin's Weekly congratulates the Lincoln young lady who has just won a prize of $50 for a synopsis of a play. As soon as we have added a few hundred more names to our rapidlygrowing subscription list we are going to offer a $50 or more to the Nebraska girl who can prove h,er super iority as a housekeeper and cook. Just now the country is vastly more in need of young women who can cook digestible food and keep house attractively clean than it i pf authors of uthoregseg, .