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About Will Maupin's weekly. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1911-1912 | View Entire Issue (March 31, 1911)
SPEAKING OF OUR "AMERICAN PEERESSES"
Our enterprising contemporary, the Lin
coln Daily Star, in its issue of last Sunday
morning, favored us with a list of "Ameri
can peeesses" who will appear in their
'robes and coronets" at the crowning of
their majesties, King George and Queen
Mary, at Westminster Abbey on June 22,
Of course the whole story is a lot of "rot,"
but it will interest many people. But Will
Maupin's Weekly wants it distinctly under
stood that not all of the "American peeress
es" appear by name in the list published
by the esteemed Star not by several mil
lions. Nor does the Star's list contain the
real creamof the lot not by a danged sight
On June 22 the greatest "American peeress"
of the whole bunch is going to get out of
bed about the usual time, prepare breakfast
for a gang of the brightest and best
kiddies in the country, get 'em all out of
bed, wash their faces and comb their hair,
rout a sleepy husband out of slumberland
and send him off down town prepared to
hustle in good shape, and then do the
sweeping and dusting and baking. Her robe
will be neat and clean calico wrapper
unless she has a premonition that callers are
due and her coronet will be the love of
her husband and of that same bunch of
kiddies who know without question that
they have the best little mother in all the
land. Talk about your "American peeres
ses!" Bless ycur souls, the pick of the
whole lot never were within three thousand
miles of the Court of St. James, and never
expect to be. And the "American peeress
here described may be found in a thousand
homes in America. The sixteen names of
"American peeresses" published by the
esteemed Star make up a list of sixteen
snobesses ; sixteen American girls who have
traded good American dollars for the right
to be th? playthings of a lot of frazzled-out
and ' washed-out aristocrats who are not
worthy of unlacing the shoe of any self-respecting,
industrious, honest American me
chanic. There arc some things that give
Will Maupin's Weekly a feeling of lassitude
in its lm::bar region and the rapid develop
ment of American snobacracy is one of
WHAT THE OFFICE BOY SAYS
Ev'ry time I hear a feller sayin' he don't
keer t' hold his job I feel like givin' his boss
I hev offun notused dat de guys wot say
dey c'n drink er let it alone genrully hev
noses dat don't leave no doubt erbout deir
After I've hustled a whole week t' earn
me liviif it's blamed tuff t'. have t' spend
me only rest day t' suit de fancy o' some
guy wot . don't know what hard work is. .
Some fellers wid de cleanest hands has
de doitiest hearts. -
A rnighty lot o' smart young fellers dat
stand on de corners an' make remarks about
de goils fergit day dey hev sisters o' deir
De. greatest fenawncier in dis country is
de woman dat c'n feed an' clothe a house
full o' kids on de -wages what her husband
earns woikin' half-time.
Pa says dat dere is more ways o' wor
shippin' God dan goin' t' church t' listen to
a sermonette smothered in a concert. Pa
De trcoly good is consignin' so many fel
lers t' hell dat dey are in danger o' makin'
de place popular.
Dem heiresses wot marry dem foreign
jukes may git de titles, but de goils dat
marry Americans git de men.
A lot of pious folks dat is hollerin' erbout
de wickedness o' de white slavers is payin'
goils wages dat makes de woik o' de white
slavers mighty easy.
Boostin' pays such big intrust in de way
o' pleasure dat I wonder more fellers don't
git into de game.
True love don't ask f'r no change back.
I reckon God ain't goin' t' ask big results
frum de guy wot does his best an' accom
plishes but little.
I reckon dat God ain't goin' t' waste any
time answerin' de prayers o' a man dat's
alius askin' f'r somethin' he can git out and
grab off f'r hisself.
I'm agraid dat a lot o' Christians took
good care not t' let deir pecketbooks git
baptized wid 'em.
As long as a feller's character is good he
needn't worry much about his reputation.
TAKE KEER O' YERSELF, BISHOP DOANE
Bishop William Crosswell Doane, of the
Protestant Episcopal church, residing in Al
bany, N. Y., has refused to permit a wo
man to speak in his cathedral. Mrs. Eliza
beth B. Grannis, president of the national
league for the promotion of purity, asked
permission to speak in All Saints cathe
dral during the convention of the league,
but Bishop Doane vetoed the proposition,
quoting the words of St. Paul: "Let your
women keep silence in the churches, for it
is not permitted unto them to speak." This
language will be found in I Corinthians,
Will Maupin's Wreekly has always looked
upon Paul as about the greatest man, save
One. ever walking and teaching on this
earth. But even Paul had his limitations.
He was a crusty old bachelor, and in' some
ways, was deeply prejudiced, Maybe hh
experience with women in church work
was such as to lead him into the belief -that
they should remain silent, although we can
hardly imagine that such goodly and godly
women as Dorcas could have led, him into
such an error. And maybe conditions were
such during Paul's time that it was best
for the women to remain silent. But what,
wc ask, would become of the church of to
day if the women were to heed Paul's in
junction and remain silent? Bless the pre
judiccd heart of Bishop Doane, he wouldn't
have any more church than a rabbit were it
not for the self-sacrificing devotion, the
earnest work, the constant activities of the
women. Neither would any other minister.
Paxil also said something about the wo
men wearing headgear in ' church. Does
Bishop Doane insist that the women who
listen to his sermon remove their bonnets?
We trow not, for we've heard nothing that
leads us to believe that Bishop Doane
preaches exclusively to men, and we know
from observation that the women simply
will not remove their bonnets in church.
We feel sorry for Bishop Doane. He
is going to have something handed to him
before he gets through with this woman
question. And it will be a plenty, too,
For a real cinch on the job an Episcopal
bishop has them all lashed to the mast, but
even an Episcopal bishop has his limita
tions, and when one tries to squelch the fair
sex,, even by scriptural quotation, he is up
against the real thing. And especially
when that scriptural quotation exhorting
the women to silence is taken from the writ
ings of a crusty old bachelor.
It will be a sorry day for churches and
church work when the women are com
pelled to remain silent. If ever the women
church workers go on strike against such
injustice as. Bishop Doane purposes per
petuating, from that dav the church will hit
the toboggan. Without their little mission
ary socities, their socials, their sacrifices and
their devotiqns, the church is going to de
cline to a sure and speedy fall and it
should. We'll take Paul's advice on almost
anything save the woman question, but we
prefer to be guided by our own experience
on that subject. And wise as he is, Bishop
Doane is going to know a lot more before
he is through with his efforts to suppress
Elizabeth B. Grannis and the other devoted.
Christian women whose devotion to re
ligious works has made possible the nice
soft, easy berth held by Bishop Doane.
Goodby, Bishop; take keer o' yerself!
Wakes Us Very Weary .
This thing of touting some prize-fighter
as "the white man's hope" because he shows
symptoms of being able to bash the block
off of Jack Johnson, makes us very weary.
We'll not lose a minute's sleep nor sweat a
hair if no white man ever comes along to
wrest the bruising laurels from the sable
brow of the big smoke. We never shed a
tear when Bruiser Johnson whanged Bruiser
Jeffries into the land of troubled dreams.
On the contrary, being, of Caucasian de
scent we rather rejoiced when the palm for
bruising went from a white man to a black
man. And now, that certain newspapers and
sporting dope writers are forever talking
about this or that embryotic white bruiser
being "the white man's hope," we feel like
arising upon our rear underpinning and
protesting. There isn't a single pale-faced
or pie-faced white prize fighter in the
country who is carrying any of the hopes
of the presiding genius of Will Maupin's
Weekly. Not by a dad-blamed sight, and
then some. "White man's hope," indeed!
That sort of balderdash may make a hit in
some quarters, but not in the vicinity of
the office where . the bright thoughts are
ground out for this newspaper.
The Girl We Are Seeking
Will Maupin's Weekly congratulates the
Lincoln young lady who has just won a
prize of $50 for a synopsis of a play. As
soon as we have added a few hundred more
names to our rapidlygrowing subscription
list we are going to offer a $50 or more to
the Nebraska girl who can prove h,er super
iority as a housekeeper and cook. Just now
the country is vastly more in need of young
women who can cook digestible food and
keep house attractively clean than it i pf
authors of uthoregseg, .
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