COMING ALONG WITH THE DOPE
FOR THE LOVERS OF SPORT : : :
When the gang is on the diamond and each
corner bag's in place,
And the fun go batter hits 'em to the field
with easy grace ;
When the fielder for the long ones hit to
wards him quickly hies. ...... ".
And proceeds to gaily pick 'em from the
azure of the skies;
When the peanut boy is shrilling and the
pop boy lilts his lay,
And the fans and fannies gather in their
holiday array .
That is when my blood runs faster and I
heed the out-door call,
And incline my ear to listen when the
umpire cries, "Play ball!"
When the pitcher winds his arm up and con
torts his strong physique,
And the catcher pounds his big mitt and the
coachers wildly shriek;
When a home man swats the horsehide to
the very furthest fence,
And into the other fellows puts some deep
and lasting dents;
When we get three on the bases, no one out
and some one up
That can smash the ball a furlong, life with
joy has filled my cup
Then is when I lose my reason, quite forgot
is duty's call.
And I yell like a Comanche to the Antelops,
"Play ball !"
When we nip a wary runner as he nears the
old home plate.
And he wipes his swarthy visage and heaps
curses on his fate ;
When we bunt and quickly beat it, and land
safely down at first;
And we yell our approbation till our lungs
arc like to burst ;
When we make a likely double and retire
'em with an "egg,"
And we set ourselves to spinning like a top
upon its peg
Say come on, you spring; and quickly!
We arc ready one and all
To go raving bughouse crazy when the
umpire shouts, "Play ball !
From "Properly Pasteurized Pastoral
Poems," by Morris Friend.
Monday awfternoon, Ilerr Unglaub care
fully unwound his name from around his
thorax and dragged it down to 'Lope park,
where he had assembled a few of our high
salaried pastimers for the purpose of tak
ing a few winter kinks out of their
physiques. There was nothing strenuous
about the work-out, as several severe cases
of spavin, ringbone, heaves, pip and roup
showed up as a result of winter stall feeding,
and Ilerr Unglaub had failed to notify the
family physician to be on hand with an
ambulance. But the pastimers were taken
by the hand and led around the inside of the
fence a few times to strengthen their bel
lows and work a little of the silica, sand and
gravel out of their joints. Local druggists
report a sudden inflation of their sales of
arnica, liniment, Dovcrs powders, nu-skin
and lubricating oil.
Quite a little bunch of regs and subs
showed up Monday afternoon, presenting a
promising sight to the railbirds who fore
gathered to work up -a "few hew things in
whoops and roots. Herr Unglaub looks
good. Lean ' as a race-hoss, lorig-limbed,
clear-eyed and with evidences of having a
lot of warm condiments stored up for use
when the going gets good, the news man-'
agers seems to be the goods. Since arriv
ing in our midst, as the whale said to Jonah,
Herr Unglaub has, kept his probocis .stuck
into the booklets that give the playing pedi
grees of the pastimers, and he is now Mr.
John Wise to the abilities of the gentlemen
who ; will act under his directions. Every
day, 'unless preciptation of moisture or con
gealing weather prevents, the 'Lopers will
flitter and flutter around the park a few
hours each day and attempt the task of
limbering up without accumulating too
large a variety of aches and pains.
Monday morning a bunch of carpenters
began putting an extension on the thumb
hand end of the grandstand. The extension
will shove itself some thirty feet in the di
rection of Mr. B. Durham, whose noble
form looms up against the southern horizen.
The seats in that end will be padded, maybe
with Indian muslin, or something equally
soft and relaxing, and those desiring to re
cline thereon at their case while the 'Lopes
are working up their adversaries into choice
samples of mincemeat may do so upon pay
ment of the decimal fraction of a dollar in
addition to the regular fee of a half-a-bone.
Us for the bleachers again this summer!
The east end of the bleachers will also
be extended a bit, so as to provide accom
modations for a few more of us who don't
give a whoop for comfort when we can yell
our foolish caputs off at a ball game.
Parson Farthing is making good in all
kinds of ways with the Sox. So far he was
worked in nine innings of training season
ball, with the result that the old-stagers
have lambasted him for but three hits, net
ting them a lonesome run. If the Meth
odist school at University Place has any
more of the Farthing brand in its posses
sion, will it kindly raise its right hand and
keep it up until we can send our hired man,
Mr. Don Esperanto Despain out there to
snare him?
"Spider" Corhan is laid up with a sprained
ankle, caused by his stepping on his neck
in ? wild scramble for a hot one in a prac
tice stunt. His Spiderlets may have to lay
off a couple of weeks, which may result in
his losing out this season. The news that
Corhan might have to hike back to that dear
old St. Joseph for another season made Jack;
Holland so mad that he went right out and
bit a chunk out of the pavement on Felix
street. For .Spider's sake we hope he re
mains with the Chicago bunch. Incidental
ly, also and likewise, for our own sake.
Ol' Reliable Leviticus Kernapp, who has
been night owling at the Roil hosterly dur
ing the winter, has rubbed the daylight sleep
mixture from his optics and is getting into
trim. We've seem some better players that
Leviticus in the 'steem or 'sleben years
we've been foolish over base ball, but
we've never seen one who tried harder to do
his level best than this same Leviticus. All
of which makes him quite popular with .us.
Besides, too and also, Leviticus is a mighty
nifty pastimer at that. . ,
the nimble dollars at the Armstrong clothes
orium all winter, expectorated upon his
paws, rubbed a bit of Nebraska soil into his
visage and carvorted some proper around
the initial angle Monday, doing so with con
siderable eclaw which is French for nifti
ness. Herr Unglaub is reported to have un
der consideration the idea of taking first
base himself and switching Johann over
to second. Nixty, to say nothing of nay
and nein. That is, of course, unless Herr
Unglaub so decrees. We have decided to
let the. gentleman whose name looks like'
a pi-line of linotype metal conduct. our ball
club this summer, contenting ourselves with
signing the salary checks and listening to
the wise ones as they tell us how we ought
to manage our team. But if Herr Unglaub
can improve on Johann's playing of first,
and Johann can do as well as second as he
has at first under those conditions we'll
consent to the switch.
Waterloo remains in the Three-Eyed
league, and Quincy will have to play three
ol'cat with Camp Point, Lickskillet and
Podunk.
In .the ten years of the American league
there have been only three batsmen who
have made more than 200 hits in one sea
son. Lajoie of Cleveland did it four times,
Ty Cobb twice and Stone once.
The toot onsomble of the 'Lopes for the
coming season is about complete, there re
maning only a couple of holes to fill out,
one of them being a utility man. Hon.
Jeems Cockman answered present a day
or two ago, and Paulpolis Cobb attached his
autograph to one of them there things that
Don Esperanto Despain insists upon having
signed before he will part with any of our
mazuma. Paulopolis was a little late, but
we have never lost any sleep over his dila
tory tactics. In addition to the princely
salary we are paying Paulopolis for the
pleasure of seeing hini cavort in the outer
garden, he has another reason for remaining
1 in little old Linkun town. We've tempo
rarily forgotten her name, but Paulopolis
can spell it backwards in his sleep.
Washington Irving 1 Rip ' Van Winkle
Waldron, than whom we never had a harder
working and more conscientious player,
will manage the Meridan, Miss., team in the
Cotton States League. Waldry, if he gets
into the game, ought to knock a few bales
of the staple out of most of the pitchers
in that conglomeration. : '
Bizzie Izzie Isbell, the bald headed eagle
of Wichita, says his bunch is going to be
after the three-cornered rag from the minute
the umpire calls play, and he reckons and
opinionates that all that stands between him
and the bunting is Denver, St. Joseph and
Sioux City. That reminds us that once
upon a time that all that stood between us
and a fortune of umpty-steen million dol
lars was a little old steel and concrete vault
guarded by about a million soldiers and
watchmen. Izzie is such a funny geezer.
What?
Now we know who invented the catchers'
mask, and the catchers' pad, and the pitch
er's toeplate, but will some one please in
vent for us a real comprehensive term we
can use when with two men out, two on
bases, and the visitors one run ahead, we
send a pinch hitter in arid he' solemnly slams
the breeze three times in suction? We
want, a word we can use, when .the frau is
Johann Thomas, who has been trapping along.