closing has pinched a lot of boozing- dens
and some hotels that catered more to beer
than to bread and meat. Omaha has, been
unfortunate in her spokesmen. What she
ought to do is to suppress a lot of them
and put more Campbells on the firing line.
The excise question in Lincoln should be
settled on its merits, and wholly apart from
any other question. The city's officials
should be elected on their merits, and wholly
apart from their personal views on the ex
cise question. Let's get down to plain com
mon sense just for once. '.
After fighting for resubmission of the
prohibition question for a generation, Maine
has at last secured a chance to do so. The
legislature has just voted to resubmit. Maine
has been a prohibition state for years, and
we have had all sorts of figures from both
sides, one to prove prohibition a success, the
other to prove it a failure. Without pre
tending to being a political prophet, Will
Maupin's Weekly ventures to prophesy that
Maine will defeat prohibition and return to
high license and regulation under local op
tion. The fact that prohibition does not pro
hibit is not an argument against it. Our
laws against horse stealing are constantly
violated, but we still keep the law on the
books. The most forceful argument against
prohibition is that it tends to bring law into
disrepute without remedying any of the
evils of the liquor traffic. We've seen some
giant farces in our day, but the biggest farce
of the whole lot is the prohibition law of
Oklahoma. A little later Will Maupin's
Weekly is going to give the results of some
of its editor's investigations into the work
ing of prohibition in the "baby state." It is
to laugh!
WILL MAUPIN'S WEEKLY
$1,00 ,.
A YEAR.
Printing
UST the kind you want
WHEN you want it.
Auto 2748.
Wageworker Publishing Co.
JUST INCIDENTAL AND ACCIDENTAL
Being Merely Little Quips and Jests About People You Know.
But a Few Evolved from Dreams and Visions. . .
Mostly Sent in over the Phone
Getting Along.
When Tom Benton received a telegram
from California which permitted him to at
tach the venerable title of "grandfather" to
his name he was pardonably proud, though
somewhat embarrassed. Without knowing
exactly why the incident reminds Will Mau
pin's Weekly of one that happened in Mis
souri about twenty-five years ago.
Frank Allen of Craig was an enthusiastic
republican. When his first born arrived he
rushed to the telegraph office and shot the
following message to his father :
"It's a boy. Missouri bound to be re
publican." A couple of hours later Frank received a
reply from his father, as follows:
"Congratulations, my son. But if you ex
pect to make Missouri republican by your
own efforts, heaven pity your wife."
Today Frank is prouder than ever, for his
prophecy has been fulfilled. However, it is
not recorded that he is wholly responsible
for the political change.
The Democratic Apparel.
Governor Aldrich appeared at a recent
banquet in Lincoln, clad in a Prince Albert
suit. Noticing a number of gentlemen clad
in dress suits, the chief magistrate re-,
marked :
"I presume I will have to lay in a suit
like that, but it rather grates on my feel
ings because I am a man of democratic
tastes and dislike the appearance of being
aristocratic."
"That being the case, governor," re
marked Fire Commissioner Randall, him
self, clad in a swallowtail, "you should ac
quire a dress suit, for it is the most demo
cratic of garments." .
"How do you make that out, Randall?"
inquired the governor.
"Why, when you put on a dress suit and
attend a swell function like this, even
though you are the guest of honor, a stran
ger would be unable to distinguish you from
the head waiter."
The next day the executive anatomy was
measured for the conventional dress suit.
Signs of Spring.
Sauntering down O street recently, "Rich
ard L. Metcalfe spied a pile of sassafras bark
in a drug store window, and immediately he
grew reminiscent.
"That reminds me of my boyhood days'
in Missouri," said Metcalfe. "It was just
about this time of year that mother would
send us boys out into the woods to dig sas
safras roots. When we had accumulated
something less than a two-bushel sackful
of it, mother would begin doctoring us. Her
theory was that the long winter of compara
tive inactivity had "made our blood sluggish
and thick, and that it was high time to thin
out. Consequently she made us drink sas
safras tea three times a day instead of tea
or coffee, and if there is anything that will
thin the blood more effectually than sassa
fras I would like to know it. We'd have
to , keep drinking the stuff until our blood
got so thin that every time we sneezed our
noses would bleed. When that time1 came
mother deemed ' our blood sufficiently
thinned, and we'd get release from the aw
ful stuff. It makes me shudder even now
to see or smell sassafras bark." V ,.-..
Another Sign.
After hearing Metcalfe's sassafras story,
Frank Ranson, who happened to be in town
to see to it that the legislature didn't ham
string the Union Stock Yards Company,
snorted and exclaimed: -
"Sassafras, nothing ! WThy, that was bully
stuff compared with what my mother. used
to dope her children with in the springs and
for the same purpose. We-didn't have to
drink sassafras to : purify our blood; we had
to take sulphur and cream tartar in copious
doses a tablespoonful, at a dose, and the
tablespoons as big as the sugar scoop in a
grocery store, too.
"She'd send down to the village drug
store and get a pound or so of pulverized
sulphur and an equal amount of cream tar
tar, and then she'd mix the . two. Every
morning we'd have to swallow a scoopful of
the mixture. And the way it would cake
and cling to the roof of one's mouth was aw
ful. It would keep coming off in chunks
all day long, and with every chunk was a
taste impossible to describe without violat;
ing the law prohibiting loud and profane lan
guage. No matter what the weather, we al
ways knew when spring was at hand, for
mother would begin growing restless and
be found consulting the old medical book
that was an heirloom in the family. The
boys whose mothers doped them with sas
safras tea instead of sulphur and cream tar
tar were almighty lucky."
Those Old Timers.
"After having figured on it for many
months I have arrived at a conclusion," re
marked "Bob" Hinkle the other day. "I
have doped it out that at one time or an
other not less than seven million people
have lived in Lincoln at one time or another.
"Now this may-seem like a lot of people,
but I believe I am correct. Everywhere I ,
go, when people find out I am from Lincoln, ,
from one to a hundred of them will exclaim :
'Well, sir, T used to be in Lincoln, but it
was a long time ago; so long ago that we
saw dear and buffalo and Injuns right about
where the postoffice now stands.' Then they
proceed to draw on their fervid imagina
tions until they've got Annanias and Mun
chausen backed off the boards. To date
more'n a million , people have sprung that
on me, and figuring on the law of averages
I think that since Lincoln was incorporated
just 7,397,543 people have lived here most
of them during the time when Indians and
buffalo and deer and , other wild animals
were pretty near , as numerous as boot
leggers are now." .
A Gentle Reminder.
"Strange how things are constantly bob
bing up to remind one of the fables perpe
trated by that wise old gentleman,! Mr.
Esop," remarked J. H. Harley one day this
week.
"Now there's the old fable about the fox
that offered to officiate as guardian of the
farmer's poultry. It reminds me of a some
what similar situation ritjht here in Lin
coln."' - .. ' 1 ' :
Mr. Harley's auditor exhibited a puzzled
expression on his face, whereupon Mr. Har
ley elucidated : :. '
"Don't you see? We are being iwarned
against electing an official of the gas com
pany tcr municipal office, and the warning
comes from a newspaper that is-pretty well
mixed up in the affairs of the street railway
company." :