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About Plattsmouth weekly journal. (Plattsmouth, Neb.) 1881-1901 | View Entire Issue (April 26, 1894)
C TV. KlIEKMAN. rohlUbrr.
FLAITsMOUTIl. : NKRUASKA
.s itie Autnor.j
1 IS ten years ago
, the occurrence
of that awful
c h a n g e d the
whole course of
My parents had spared no expense in
giving me a first-class musical educa
tion, and the tutors had been very lav
ish in their endeavors to develop me
into what I then was an instrumen
talist of no mean skill or promise.
For three years I toured around and
about the provinces as a soloist; but I
Boon bgan to tire of traveling and
longed to settle down in such an en
yagement as would permit of my residing-
At the age of eighteen I succeeded in
securing a leadership in an orchestra
in which 1 was the only lady member
of a London theater. Possibly some of
my readers will say that this was not
"comme il faut" for a girl of tender
years. But I was perfectly happy and
would not for the whole world have
pone back to the excitement of the con
I had been there some time when otir
conductor vacated his post to a for
eigner of some five or six and thirty
It was soon apparent that he was as
undeniably clever as he was handsome;
yet, in spite of his talent and attrac
tions, 1 fancy he was aware of the fact
that he wa no favorite with any one
About him there was that cold dis
tance and peculiar reserve which at
once checked all kindly feeling and
friendly advances. Somehow, instinct
teemed to tell me that it was I whom
he disliked and avoided most. lie was
wont to become unpleasantly ab
rupt to me, and often very rude in com
ing and going without even passing the
compliments of the day.
I would sometimes sit and muse upon
his behavior; for it seemed so strange
that I should meet with nothing but
slights and rebuffs. I was always av
tentive to business, and ever trying to
the utmost to please and make friends
instead of enemies.
When Otto Zetch had been wiih u
about six months I noticed a great
change in his manner towards nie. I
did not like the looks which he fre
quently cast iD my direction, and I felt
a peculiar sense of fear and mistrust
whenever I met the gleam of his dark
fiery eyes, which were so powerfully
mesmeric in their influence.
Keing a girl of quick perceptions, it
was not long ere I discovered his secret.
Otto Zetch loved me! Yes; in spite of
his former indifference it was now
quite evident that he had conceived a
passion for the little violinist whose
alent had been the means of bringing
As I gazed back upon those years I
feel that I can 6peak unreservedly of
my pretty face and recognized accom
plishments; for now that my features
alas! have lost their charm and beauty,
any vanity for the past would avail
Night after night. Otto would follow
me home, and persisted in dogging my
footsteps wherever I went.
To make matters worse, his passion
was no longer unknown amongst the
members of the orchestra, whose talk
and joke it was.
As my heart had long since been
given to another man, his attentions
HE BARKED THE WAT.
were repugnant to me, and I avoided
him in consequence.
As a feeling of coming trouble grew
upon me, I began to loathe him, and I
would willingly have left the theater
had another engagement offered itself.
One night he asked me to allow him
to accompany me as far as my resi
dence. Of course I did not wish to of
fend or to make an enemy of hira, as
icy dismissal lay in his hands; thus it
was that I reluctantly consented to his
walking with me, which he did for
Dow I longed for the time to come
wben Fred Hamilton would a.yain be
bactc at the theater; for shin, I
thought, he would protect me from this
My lover had been ordered away for
the benefit of his health; but he was
expected to resume bis post as stag
manager in the course of a fortnight.
The night before Fred was to return
to the theater. Otto Zetch came to my
rooiu and asked me to be his wife. I
think my refusal almost maddened
Catching me roughly in his arms h
owed that nothing should prevent me
1 struggled from him and rushed
pantingly to the door, but alas! he
barred the way. Now that it was too
late, I became aware of my terrible
With a mocking smile, he laid his
hand upon my arm.
"My darling!" he said, drawing me
passionately to his breast; "my darling!
which shall it be life or death with
us? Swear that you will be my wife,
or this very hour we die together.
There is no help for you now; we are
alone in this building, and you are at
my mercy, the limit of which depends
upon your answer. If you will be
mine I will spare no pains in endeavor
ing to make you happy. Oh! my dar
ling, without you, existence would
hold no charm for me. No other man
shall ever call you wife shall ever rob
me of that affection for which my
heart pleads and pleads in vain. Now,
Stella St. Clair, my life, my soul, my
all! which shall it be? The workmen
will be here at five o'clock; as I have
much to do before the dawn of that
hour, you must decide at once. Come!
sweetheart, tell me."
As I felt his hot breath fan my burn
ing cheek, I shuddered.
Choking back my tears, I spoke with
all the hauteur that I could muster.
No! even were I free to do so, I would
never become the wife of one who had
taken such an iniquitous advantage of
a woman's helplessness.
1 told him this, adding:
"I had rather face a thousand deaths,
were it possible, than be your wife."
Producing a revolver, he leveled it at
"Stella, reflect!" he cried, in the angry
roice of a maniac
As my eyes fell before his, J felt that
I was completely in the power of a god
less scoundrel, and I offered a prayer
for deliverance from the cruelty of this
Like a flash of lightning a bright
thought presented itselt I would turn
over the lamp which stood on a table
With one bound I had grasped and
hurled it to the door.
Great Heaven! shall I ever forget the
agony of that moment when, with but
I GKASPED THE LAMP.
little hope of escape, I rushed to the
door and ran down a passage which led
to the property room?
In my terror and excitement I de
scended the wrong staircase; the one
which 1 should have taken terminated
at the stage door, where I should prob
ably have made a successful egress.
My utter exhaustion was my only ex
cuse for making such an error.
In the distance I heard the sound of
footsteps. Otto Zetch was following
I think the terrible idea of once again
encountering him must have invigor
It was the work of a moment to dash
along the corridor at the end of which
I came to an office, in which I gladly
Locking the door behind me, I ran to
the window. Alas! there was no hope
for escape. I could not possibly jump
from such a height.
I stood considering what I should da
Presently 1 detected a stifling odor of
fire and a deafening crackle of burning
Oh, what a dreadful night that was.
My only gratification was in the knowl
edge that I had managed to avoid
the villain whose folly was the cause of
all that misery which I had experi
enced in those eariy morning hours.
when I was shut out from the world
and locked up in a building which was
now a mass of angry flames.
Through the crevices cf the door I
saw the ghastly reflection of that dead
ly fiend which wrecks so many happy
homes the destroyer of brave and val
Ouiy those who have been grasped
from out of the jaws of death will un
derstand the awful feelings of being
brought face to face with a cruel end
ami ruthlessly flung to a grave for
which so many are unprepared.
As a last resource I opened the win-
dew, out of which i screamed for help.
Good heavens! would no one come to
save me? Was 1 destined to die there
was my life to be sacrificed and to meet
the same fate as that of the man who was
a would-be assassin? Hark! What was
that? The door was giving way the
names were rushing in upon me and
scorching the walls which seemed to
whirl round me. Another moment and
I should be an unrecognizable heap of
Should I risk it and juraD from the
window, or should I face the suffocat
ing conflagration and endeavor if pos
sible to retrace my steps?
I could not think; my brain was
burning and aching with excitement,
and seemed to be losing its sense of un
derstanding. With one bitter scream I fell to the
floor, where I lay in a state of semi
helplessness. In my delirium I thought I felt a
hand grasp my waist, and above the
roar of splitting rafters I fancied that
I heard a well-known voice cry:
"Stella! found! thnk heaven!"
Then I fainted.
Yea! it was no weak wandering of
the mind. God had heard my prayer
for mercy, and at a moment when I
least expected rescue He had saved me
from a fate terrible beyond conception.
Three weeks had passed sinee the de
struction of the theater.
During this time I had lain on a bed
of sickness and insensibility. My life
had been well-nigh despaired of, and I
had had a very narrow escape of suc
cumbing to a severe attack of brain
But, thank heaven, I was at last out
of danger and well on the road to con
valescence. As 1 reclined upon a couch I bade
Fred tell me the story of my rescue.
It was this:
On the night of the fire he went to
the theater to meet me. After waiting
in vain for some time he concluded
that he had missed me. On his ar
rival at my home he learned that I had
not yet come; thus it was that, in the
hope of ascertaining the cause of my
absence, he returned to our usual
trysting place, vhich was at one of the
As he passed the office window he be
held, from the opposite side, the reflec
tion of flames, and was about to call
assistance when my screams reached
With as little delay as possible he
procured a ladder and bravely saved me
at the risk of his own dear life.
"Ah, Fred, how can I ever repay
you?" I cried, pressing the bands
which lay locked in mine.
"By trying to get well as quick as
you can," he gently replied, showering
kisses upon the lips which had never
responded to the caresses of another
"Come, darling, when will you be my
"What, Fred, would you really marry
a woman whose face is forever disfig
ured and rendered ugly?"
How well I knew what his answer
would be. I think a negative would
have broken my heart.
Folding me in his arms, he said:
"My little Stella! To me those scars
are as proofs of virtue and love. When
ever I gaze at your dear face I feel that
you suffered all for my sake; for had
you not the option of leaving that
building as you entered it a woman of
beauty and attractions? Though the
world may consider you somewhat dis
figured, I shall ever think that those
marks but tend to enhance the fascina
tions of those sweet cheeks whose roses
"And Zetch what is become of him?"
I timidly inquired.
Fred averted his face and was silent.
After a pause I repeated my question
Taking my hand kindly in his, he
gazed searchicgly into my eyes and
"Stella, are you strong enough
brave enough to learn the truth?"
"Yes." I gasped.
"You will never again be troubled
with his attentions, for he is dead."
There was a reverential compassion
in his voice, as he spoke of the mis
guided man who had tried so hard to
wreck our happiness.
"Dead!" I echoed, "Then he was
"Buried among the ruins of the
"Did no one try to save him?" I in
quired. I could not help feeling a pity for one
who had suffered as I had done.
"Yes!" Fred responded, somewhat
reproachfully I thought, "yes! the fire
men were a brave lot of fellows, but all
efforts to rescue him proved useless.
But failing their assistance, did you
think that I would see a man die so
awful a death without exerting every
endeavor to save him?"
"Dear Fred, I know that you are the
best, the bravest man in the whole
The real cause of that fire was never
known. But it is my opinion that in
my hurry to overturn the lamp, it must
have ignited with something inflam
mable. I cannot bring myself to think
that Zetch was so utterly heartless as
to carry into operation his cruel, un
manly threat. Yet this is the belief
of most people.
Sometimes, as my thoughts wander
back to that night, I cannot but feel
grateful for the miraculous deliver
ance from the hands of him from
whom I should have met with little
mercy. It seems, however, as though
the conflagration which at first so ter
rified me, had proved, in the end, to be
the work of a kind and watchful Provi
dence. That page of life' history has entire
ly changed my career; for after the
events which I have just recorded, a
peculiar dislike for performing in pub
lic grew upon me, and, I have long
since abandoned all idea of doing eo.
Sometimes my husband gently remon
strates with me for this, and says it is
a pity that a clever musician should
withhold her talent from the world;
but 1 laughingly tell him that my
blemished features woulJ be a pre
ventive to my securing an engage
ment,, an argument to which he play
fully gives way and conforms to my
it would, indeed, be untrue to 6ay
that I mourn the alteration in my life,
for as the wife of the man whom I
love, I am happier now than I could
ever have been otherwise, and the sweet
and peaceful solitude of our little home
is dearer to me than all the deafening
applauses to whi-h I was once accus
tomed. In our quiet chats about the days of
our early courtship, Fred and I often
refer to the startling events of that
night when I was "Saved by Fira"
A New Version.
An illustration of how children seize
the sound of words occurred when a
seven-year-old girl was asked to tell
about her Sunday school lesson last
Sabbath. She replied: "It was in the
Psalms, where it said something about
running his cup over, and at the end
said: Goodness, gracious, mercy sakes
alive." This is certainly a new ver
sion of the twenty-third Psalm. Omaha
Would Like to Know. First Old
Maid "WeU, you know marriage is a
lottery, and I truly believe it." Second
Ditto "So do II But when do you sup
pose I could get a ticket?' Truth,
CRIMES OF PROTECTION.
BIcKlnlejism the Curae of Honest Amer
There is a repetition of history in the
story of riot and bloodshed that comes
from the coke regions of Pennsylvania.
Its proportions are less formidable than
those of the uprising at Homestead, in
the Hocking Valley and in the coal re
gions of Tennessee; but it springs from
the same causes and is illustrative of
the same evils. It is not a mere coin
cidence that all these deplorable affairs
occur in sections of the country where
the privileges of protection are great
est and the support of McKinleyism is
strongest. They are among the legiti
mate fruits of 'that nefarious system;
inseparable from its active existence.
Where it professes to operate for the
good of the "poor workiugman" and is
maintained especially for the ameliora
tion of his condition, is where he suf
fers most from grinding poverty and
all the train of evils that troop in its
McKinleyism has been the curse of
honest American labor. Duty has been
I exacted upon every imported arti
j cle entering into our manufactured
! products except the most important
1 one of labor. That has passed our
i ports free. It has come in cargoes at
t the expense and solicitation of protect
! ed American capital. The lowest and
; cheapest order of pauper European
i labor has been imported to operate our
I mines and do the rougher work of our
i furnaces, coke overs and other "infant"
industries. Without S3'mpathy for our
: institutions, ignorant, brutal and con
I tent with far loss than will meet the
; requirements of a self-respecting work
j man In our own country, these free im
, portations have worked for far less
i than a good man should receive and
i the protected barons well afford to pay.
; Cheap labor and swollen profits
! taken from the consumers under the
; special privileges of protection, stimu
I iated production beyond the demands
of a restricted market, concentrated
i more labor at the centers of production
j than could be maintained in employ
i ment, the inevitable result appearing in
! enforced idleness of many and less than
a living scale of wages for the rest. This
S has been the history of the great
! strikes in this country and will contin
' ue to be until our tariff laws are made
I for the entire nation and not for the
favored few, whose enormous wealth
' thrives upon the legislation which it is
; enabled to secure.
j Strikes were comparatively unknown
! before the high protective system was
I put into effect hy the republican party,
i Up to that time the wealth of the peo
; pie was more equitably distributed, in-
dividual effort was not crushed out by
' the ruthless power of combination, and
! the man who was willing to work was
! assured of the comforts which a coun
i try like this should afford to all its
I citizens. The deplorable change has
been wrought by misguided tariff legis
: lation, and the happier conditions thus
sacrificed will be restored by wiping
i out the laws responsible for McKinley
: ism. Detroit Free Iress.
liepubllcan Maladministration KecoUing
C'pon the leiuocracj".
The country is now reaping the log
ical effects of the recent republican
victories. These victories are accepted
as the consequences of hard times and
the delay in repealing the McKinley
bill. As the republicans wish to win
more victories they are resolved to per
petuate the hard times and continue
the delay as far as they can. This is
simply the operation of the law of sup
ply and demand.
When Senator Harris proposed to ex
tend the daily sessions of the senate in
order to afford facilities for discussion,
he was interrupted by an objection
from one of the Pennsylvania senators
before he had time to formulate his
proposition. Mr. Frye stated he was
in favor of postponing the tariff bill
till next December, as he believed that
it would do more harm than the war
did. Mr. Quay said he would not work
extra hours in order to pass a bill that
would be the ruin of Pennsylvania.
Both these senators must be credited
with too much ability to permit them
to believe the extreme things they said
about the bill. But the whole tendency
of their remarks was to disclose an in
clination to obstruct the passage of the
bill, and to keep the business clement
in suspense. They are satisfied that
business depression will help their
The menace to the country from this
conspiracy arises from the fact that
there are democrats in it. Some of
these democrats are probably willing
to .llov the McKinley bill to remain
in force. It does not seem to have oc
curred to these senators that a new
revenue bill is absolutely necessary,
even from the standpoint of protection,
to which they seem to have become
converts. The McKinley bill is not
yielding sufficient revenue. There is a
deficit in the treasury, which must
continue to grow larger so long as the
business depression continues. The re
publicans can contemplate this deficit
with equanimity, since their opponents,
having a numerical majority in both
houses, are responsible for legislation.
But the democrats cannot permit the
present situation to continue without
confessing their inability to enact the
necessary legislation to carry on the
government. The democrats who aid
and abet the republicans in this con
spiracy of obstruction can i-ever in the
future enjoy the respect of the masses
of their party. Louis fille-Courier
The republicans pretend to be
very indignant because the democrats
of the house are giving one or two
democratic contestants scats held by
republicans. These are times when
dumbness is the only virtue. This is
one of those times for the republicans.
After the high-handed and cold-blooded
manner in which they shaped the
rules and svstematically turned demo-
j crats out of the Reed congress to make
j a working majority of their own, they
j only recall to the country their own
! shame when they protest against any
I action which their opponents can take
j in contested election cases. Albany
Sophistries of tfcje Apostle of
Gov. McKinley's Minneapolis speech
was a labored attempt to prove that if
a ten or twenty per cent- tariff in the
early part of the century was a good
thing for the country, ODe that ranges
from sixty to eighty per cent, is abso
lutely necessary for our existence to
day. Tariffs which upon an average
did not impose duties of more than a
quarter of the percentage levied under
the McKinley bill were held up as fine
examples of protectionism, while the
Wilson bill, a comparatively high pro
tective measure, was denounced as free
It is by such claptrap as this that
McKinley hopes to win the presidency
in 19G. The preposterous argument is
paraded that import duties should in
crease with the advance of civilization
until they become nearly if not entirely
prohibitory. Once give a man the
right to rob his neighbors of five per
cent, of their earnings and it is only a
question of time when he will take
everything, except a bare and miser
able living for his victims. That has
been the history of all legalized rob
bery and it is the record of protective
tariffs in the United States.
The old pretext for "protection" was
that infant or feeble industries ought
to be encouraged by the government.
McKinley's idea is that all American
industries are perpetual infants and
can only exist by the constant con
tributions of consumers. So impotent
and helpless are American manufactur
ers, according to republican opinion,
that, even after thirty years of the
pap-feeding policy, the mere promise
by democrats to cut off a part of their
unearned rations precipitates a panic.
That is protectionist doctrine in 1S34
as preached by its chief exponents and
proclaimed as "patriotic" and "Ameri
can." The next republican candidate for
the presidency thus explains his belief
on the Question of taxation: "We must
i either tax ourselves and our property,
j our lands and our investments, or we
! must tax the products of other nations
'. seeking a market here."
' The idea sought to be conveyed here
j to his ignorant and partisan hearers
; was that imported goods belonged to
j foreigners and that taxes levied on
! them would be paid by people in
! Europe. As goods only come here
I when bought by some one in this coun-
try, all tariff taxes falL not upon for
j eigners, but first upon our own impor
I ters and by them transferred to Anier
j ican consumers.
McKinley's gross ignorance of rudi
i mentary political economy ought to
I consign him to political oblivion, if his
' attorneyship for the great American
tariff thieves has not brought him such
i a fate already. Chicago Herald.
POINTS AND OPINIONS.
j Ferhaps Maj. McKinley will soon
j explain to the deluded followers of
j Gen. Coxey that the only proper way
to be supported by a paternal govern
j mcnt is to hire out to a McKinley trust
N. Y. World.
Gov. McKinley is now attribute
ing all the evils of the country to fear
j of tariff reform Last summer he made
I several speeches proclaiming that the
! democrats were responsible for those
evils because of their delay in assera
' bling in extra congressional session
; and repealing the Sherman act Louia
j ville Courier-Journal.
Gen. Green B. Raum assures us
! that President Harrison has had enough
of office holding, and that he will not
be a candidate for renomination in
13(5. Green B. knows some things, for
1 he was pension commissioner under
j Harrison, and is believed to be on in
! timate terms with the ex-president.
! Iowa State Register (Rep.).
j According to the Tribune "the
! democratic party has to learn that il
cannot draw a large revenue from a
people by impoverishing them." The
j republican party learned that it could
i impoverish a people by drawing a large
i revenue from them. The sufferings of
the country from McKinley taxes and
I billion dollar appropriations led to the
! republican overthrow. The democratic
party is not afraid of impoverishing
the people by reducing their taxes.
N. Y. World.
Until the civil war brought upon
us the series of high tariffs that began
with Morrill's and ended with McKin
ley's, the wealth of the United States
was pretty evenly divided, not only as
between north and south, east and
west, but also as between the two
great interests agriculture and manu
factures. The democratic party had
been in substantially continuous as
cendancy in the government from the
inauguration of Washington to that of
Lincoln. Its leadership and legislation
were all that time untainted with the
corrupt influences of the great vested
interests that are nowadays based on
the protective system, and which, as
Senator Voorhees justly said in his
speech opening the debate in the sen
ate, have succeeded in placing it "under
the duress of a small majority" of that
body. Baltimore Sun.
Republicanism has been no greater
success in Ohio than in the nation. A
bill is now pending before the legisla
ture of that state providing for the
issue of 5000,000 in certificates of in
debtedness to keep the state from go
ing into bankruptcy. The chairman of
the finance committee of the house, in
introducing the bill, admitted that the
state had been forj-ears spending more
than she received and that her income
for the current year was virtually
mortgaged to the extent of 500,000.
An effort has been made to shift some
portion of the responsibility for this
condition of things on the late demo
cratic administration; but the fact is
undisputed that 350,000 of the 500,000
deficiency was incurred by the last re
publican legislature. Considering the
McKinley boom it is no wonder that
the Ohio republicans want to fix the
matter up in some way; but they are
going to have hard work to pose suc
cessfully as economists or even as hon
est administrators of state government.
Detroit Free Press.
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.
Henri Rochefort began his jour
nalistic life by writing pungent and
witty articles for a friend whose name
he signed. They received such flatter
ing attention that he was prevailed to
write over his own name.
The duke and duchess of Fife are
passionately fond of dogs, and when
they travel they always take several
canine pets with them. The duke is
most fond of collies and Scotch ter
riers, and the duchess of fox terriers
Mr. Gladstone, in addition to five
hundred thousand dollars left by his fa
ther, has a rent roll of the Hawarden
estate which came into the possession
of his wife on the death of the last
male Glynne. His annual income is
one hundred and twenty-five thousand
Mrs. E. D. E. N. Southworth has
just passed her seventy-fourth birth
day. She is in fairly good health and
may live to have her years equal in
number her eighty novels. It is hard
ly likely that she will write another
book, though her mind is still active
and fertile in invention.
It is reported that Mrs. U. S. Grant
has quite decided not to publish her
memoirs of her husband, as it is her
wish that this book shall not be pub
lished until after her death. Several
publishers have had the opportunity to
look it over, and it is said that one has
offered fifty thousand dollars for the
Mr. Stuart Rendel, the Welsh
radical who has been made a peer on
the recommendation of Mr. Gladstone,
is the father-in-law of one of Mr.
Gladstone's sons. He is one of the
wealthiest men in Wales, and has been
one of the principal entertainers of
the liberal leaders during the last ses
sion. Jean Casimir-Perier, who has taken
upon himself, as premier, the perilous
task of piloting a new French minis
try, has. like President Carnot, a dis
tinguished ancestry. He is both grand
son and son of ministers. His grand
father was the president of Louis
Philippe's council, and his father was
a minister of Thiers.
Although paper-bound French
books have become very cheap in New
York city, paper-bound books in
Italian are still high priced and often
very ill made. They are bought chiefly
by resident Italians, while French
books are bought by all sorts of per
sons. The old book shops and stalls
are crowded with French books that
go at very low rates, but sell compara
tively few Italian books, save the
classics, and those usually in good old
When Olive Schriner is in London
she gives very curious little receptions.
The guests are eclectic both in religious
belief and literary taste. Tall, long
haired j'oung men, vivacious, bright
maidens earning their living by the
pen or the brush flock to drink in wis
dom from the lips of the writer of the
"Story of an African Farm." At the
present moment Miss Schriner is back
in her house near Cape Town, and the
little flat which she inhabited during
her long sojourn in London knows her
no more. .
Every boy ought to be a second
edition of his father revised and im
i proved. Ram's Horn.
"I beg your pardon, sir" "What
. is it?" "Can you tell me where I can
get the newest ideas in antiques?"
j She "George, I hear burglars !
' He--"Well, keep quiet, they wor't
' steal you." Browning, King & Ca's
' "Is the bishop a broad man and
liberal in his views?" "Oh my, yes.
lie's abroad most of the time, and in
giving his views he is most prodigal.
j Harlem Life.
) Treecard "Did your wife storm
i when you gof home?" Twospec
! "Right away; sndthe cloud was larger
! than any man's hand in our party."
Kate Field's Washington.
; "What sort of a collection have
you. Will?" asked the visitor. "Per
! haps I can help you." "Well, sir,"
j said Will. "I'm collecting American
; coins." Harper's Young People.
Magistrate "If you were there for
: no dishonest purpose, why were you in
I your stockinged feet?" Burglar "I
i heard there wa.s sickness in the family,
' your worship." Pearson's Weekly,
j Not a FaHure. Hudson "Jones is
! very sick. IIn'i an operation performed
j on him." Judson "It wasn't success
j ful, then?" Hudson "Yes. it was
, very successful. It was a Wall street
I Fendersaa (who is having his
I mustaches blackened) "Do you
charge for this kind of work by the
i job or by the hour?" Barber (senten
; tiouslv) "Per dye em." Boston
"Didn't you tell me you could hold
the plow?" said a farmer to an Irish
man he had taken on trial. "Be alsy.
now." said Mike. "How could I hould
it, an' two horses pullin' it away? Just
stop the craytures an I'll hould it for
ye " Brooklyn Life,
A stranger in Galveston asked an
old resident how malarial fever could
be distinguished from yellow fever.
"As a general thing," was the reply,
you can't tell until you have it. If
you ain't alive, then it is most likely
yellow fever." Texas Siftings.
A lady has just lost her husband.
A gentleman living next door, on call
ing to see her, found her, to his greal
surprise, playing on the harp, and said:
"Dear me! I expected to find you in
deep distress." "Ah!" the lady pa
thetically replied, "you should have
seen me yesterday." D"Arlequin.
Mrs. Corntassel had been to the
Corcoran art gallery. "What did you
think of the statuary?" f asked her
hostess. "Well," was the, meditative re
ply, "of course it's mighty poor taste and
sinfully wasteful fur people to over
dress; but I must say the ancients car
ried economy ter an extreme." Wash
nd prices. I pnP
j cr life;
ga tesT co nsequ e nil J "tb ere i
cate odor in perf il me-'Lilac I and
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