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About Plattsmouth weekly journal. (Plattsmouth, Neb.) 1881-1901 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 11, 1894)
P?.ttsmoutIi Journal C AV. MIKRHAV Publisher. rLAl1MOV-II. : NFBRKKA. THE SALVATION ARMY GIRL. She wears a plain poke bonnet, ouch as mother used to wear Some thirty years ago or more, and doss not crvaip her o-iir, But wears it plain in satin bands smoothed soIUv Irom her brow To shuw heT furehead in a way Dame Fashion don't aliow. he isn't much on style you see, ulie is not in the whirl. Yet everybody stops to bless the Sweet Salvation Girl. No silks and satins riots she wear, but just a plain attire Of some dark, rouh material, to which a touch of lire Is given by a little gleam of scarlet, and her shoes Are not of rich, embroidered kid, such as our ladies use; TFkey're made to plod throura mud and slush when giddy snowfial.es whirl. And children s tar vuig rise to bless the Sweet Salvation Girl. f hrouph alleys dark at nig-htfulL where the shadows thickly he, Where crime ami want walk hand in hand be neath the starry sky, Where lever-racked, pale women lie anvi chil dren cry lor bread, "Where hearts that once were light aj air are heavy now as lead. Che wanders like an angel sent from Heaven's ca'.es cif pearl, ir she is mercy's messecrer. the Sweet Salvation GirL Where ribald oaths from crime-siained lips es cape upon the air. Where scarlet women wait their prey she moves with whispered prayer, And at her coming oaths are stilled and eyelids till with tears As nsem'ries waken of a past that has been dead for years. Eer hands are nc t as white as those you clasp in fash on's whirl, .Eut well she does her Master's work, the Sweet Salvation . GirL I reckon when the books of God are balanced up above. Where autrel bands the records keep of deeds of hate and love; When from the past's great sepulchre the stones are rolled awav And every deed accomplished here stands out as ciear as day Tou'11 find her srnndins near the throne inside the gates of pearl With harp in hand and crown of gold, the Sweet Salvation Girl. Chicago Dispatch. OLD EIGHTY-SIX. How Brave John gained a Lost Sagrgart Position. Re- John Saggart stood in a dark corner of the terminus, out of the rays of the flittering arc lamps, and watched engine No. bO. The engineer was oil ing her and the fireman, as he opened the furnace door and shoveled in the coal, stood out like a red Rembrandt picture in the cab against the darkness beyond. As the engineer with his oil can went carefully around No. bC, John Saggart drew his sleeve across his eyes and a gulp came up in his throat. lie knew every joint and bolt in that con trary old engine the most cantanker ous iron brute on the road, and yet, if rightly managed, one of the swiftest and most powerful engines the com pany had. notwithstanding the many improvements that had been put upon locomotives since old M left the foundry. Saggart, as hi stood there, thought of -the seven years he had put in on the loot board of old 60, and the many tricks she had played hin- during that period. If, as the poet says, the very chains and the prisoner become friends through long association, it may be imagined bow much of a man's affection goes out to a machine that he thoroughly understands and likes a machine tha; is bis daily companion ior years, in danger and out of It. No. 86 and John had been in many a close pinch together and at this moment Saggart Beemed to have forgotten that often the pinch was -caused by the pure cusseuness of SO herself, and Le remembered only that she had bravely done her part sev--eryl times when the situation was ex ceedingly serious. The cry of "all aboard!" rang out and was echoed down from the high arched roof of the great terminus, and John, with a sigh, turned from his contemplation of the engine and went to take his place oa the train. It was long train, with many sleeping cars at the end of it, for the heavy Christ, mns trafiie was on, and the people were .petting out of town by the hundreds. The engineer had put away h 6 oil can and had taken his place on the engine, 6tanding ready to begin the long jour ney the moment the signal was given. John Saggart climbed into the smok inir carriage at the front part of the train, lie found a place in one of the forward seats and he sank down into it with a vague feeling ol uneasiness at "being inside a coach instead of on the -engine He gazed out of the window and savv the glittering electric lights slowly slide behind, then more quickly the red, green and white lights of the station lamps and finally there flick ered swiftly past the brilliant constel latiou of city windows, slowing iiat the town had not yet gone to bed, At la-st the flying train plungtd inti the -dark country and Saggart Jressed his f acy against the cold glass of the wiu--dow, unable to shake off his feeling cf responsibility, olthcvrrb he kierr ti nt there was a"iobr ni.-n Ji the -.i.rot'..-.'. He was n'O'.'ed Irc.m his rev-rie by a touch on his shoulder and a curt re quest: "Tickets, please." lie pulled out of his pocket a pass and turned to baud it to the conductor, who etoi.d there with a glittering plated and crystal lantern on bis arm. "Hello, John, is that yos?" cried tie Xonduotor as soon as he saw the face itnrned toward him. "Hang it, man, 7on didn't need a pass traveling wits sne.- 'I know it," said the engineer, "but they gave it to me to take me home, and 1 may as well use it as not. I don't want to gt t you into trouble." "Oh, I'd risk the trouble," said the conductor, placing the lamp on tbe Uoor and taking his seat beside the en gineer. "I heard about your w jrry t3 day. It's too cursed bad. If a man had got drunk at his post, as you and I have known 'em to do, it wouldn't have seeu.ed so hard, but, at its .worst, your case was only an error of judg ment, and then nothing really hap pened. Old S6 teems to have the habit of pulling herself through. I sup pose you and she have been in worse fixes than that with not a word said bout it" "Oh, yes," said John. "We've been in many a tight place together; but we won't be any inore. It's tough, as yon say. I've been fifteen years with the company and seven on old t6, and at first it comes mighty hard. Hat I suppose I'll get used to it." "Look here, John." said the conduc tor, lowering his voice to a confiden tial tone, "the president of the road is with ns to-night. His private car is the last but one on the train. How would it do to speak to him? If you're afraid to tackle him I'll put in a word for j-ou in a minute acd tell him your side of the story." John Saggart shook his head. "It wouldn't do," he said. "He wouldn't overrule what one of his sub ordinates had done, unless there was serious injustice in the case. It's the new manager, you know. There's alva3"S trouble with a new manager. He sweeps clean. And I suppose he thinks by bouncing one of the oldest engineers on the road he'll scare the rest." "Well. I don't think much of him, be tween ourselves," said the conductor, "what do you think he has done to night? lie's put a new man on 86 a man from one of the branch lines who doesn't know the road. I doubt if he's ever bjen over the main line before. Now it's an anxious enough time for me with all the Christmas trafiie mov ing, with the thermometer at zero, and the rails like glass, and I like to have a man in the front I can depend on." "It's bad enough not to know the road," said John, gloomily, "but it's worse not to know old 86. She's a brute if she takes a notion." "I don't suppose there's another en gine that could draw this train and keep her time." -"o. She'll do her work all right if you'll humor her," admitted Saggart, who could not conceal his love for the engine, even while he blamed her. "Well," said the conductor, rising and picking up his lantern, "the man in front may be all right, but I would feel safer if you would be further ahead on the train than the smoker. I'm sorry I can't offer you a berth to night, John, but we're full clear through to the rear lights. There isn't even a vacant upper on the train." "Oh, it doesn't matter," said Sag gart. "I couldn't sleep, anyhow. I'd rather sit here and look out the win dow." "Well, so long," said the conductor. "I'll drop in and see you as the night passes on." Sasrgart lit his pipe and gazed out into the darkness. He knew every inch of the road all the up-grades and the down-grades and the levels. He knew it even better in the darkest night than in the clearest day. Oeca sional'y the black bulk of a barn or a clump of trees showed for one moment against the less black sky and Saggart wuld say to himself: "Now he should shut off an inch of steam!" or "Now he should throw her wide open." The train tiade few stops, but he sa w that the- were losing time 8t was silking, very likely. The thought of tke engine turned his mind to his own fate. No man was of very much use in the world, after all, for the moment he steps down another is ready to stand in his place. The wise men in the city who had listened to his defense knew so well that an engine was merely a combination of iron, steel and brass, and that a given number of pounds of steam would get it over a g-iren num ber of miles in a given number of hours, had smiled incredulously when he told them that an engine had her tantrums and that sometimes she had to be coddled up like any other fe male, and that even when a man did his best there were occasions when nothing he could do would mollify her, and then there was sure to be trouble, although, John had added, in his de sire to be fair, that she was always sorry for it afterwards, which remark, to his confusion, had turned the smile into a laugh. He wondered what 60 thought of the new man. Not much, evidently, for she was losing time which she had no business to do on that section of the road. Still, it might be the fault of the new man not knowing when to push her for all she was worth and when ',o ease up. All these things go to the making up of time. Still, it was more than likely that old (SO, like Gilpin's horse, was wondering more and more what thing upon her back had got. "He'll have trouble," muttered John to himself, "when she finds out." The conductor came in again and sat down beside the engineer. He said nothing, but sat there sorting out his tickets while Saggart gazed out of the window. Suddenly the engineer sprang to his feet with his eyes wide open. The train was swaying from side to side and going at great speed. The conductor looked up with a xmile. 'Old 80," he said, "is evidently going to make up for lost time." ch c.h--,vH be slowinc down for cri-v-.ir. x i-U.- U. & M. liue," answered the engineer. "Good heavens!" he cried a moment after. "We've gone across the G, &. M. track on the keen Jump!" The condnctor sprang to his feet. He knew the seriousness of such a thing. Even the fastest expresses must stop dead before crossing; on the level the line of another railway. It is the law. "Doesn't that jay in front know enough to stop at a crossing?" It isn't that," said Saggart "B knows all light, even the train boys know that. Old 80 has tblc-n the b t betwe-en her teeth; shes ruun.ing away with him; he can't stop her. Where do you pass No. 6 to-night?" "At Pointsville." "That's six miles ahead. In five minutes at this rate we'll be running on her time and her track. She's al ways late, and won't be on the side track. I must get to 80." Saggart quickly made his way through the baggage car, climbed on the express car and jumped on the coal of the tender. He cast his eye up the track and saw glimmering in the dis tance, like a faint, wavering star, the headlight of No. 6. Looking down into the cab, he took in the situation at a glance. The engineer, with fear in his face and beads of perspiration on his brow, was throwing his whole weight on the lever, the fireman helping hi in. John leaped down to the floor of tae cab. "Stand aside!" he shouted, and there was such a ring of confident command in his voice that both men instantly obeyed. Saggart grasped the lever and, in stead of trying to shut off steam, flung it wide open. No. 80 gave a quiver and a jump forward. "You old fiend," muttered John be tween his clinched teeth. Then he pushed the iever home and it slid into place as if there never had been any impediment- The steam was shut off, but the lights of Pointsville flashed past them with the empty sidetrack on the left, and they were now flying along the single line of rails, with the head light of No. C growing brighter and brighter front of them. "Reverse her! Reverse her!" cried the other engineer, with a tremor of fear in his voice. "Reverse nothing," said Saggart; "she'll slide ten miles if you do. Jump if you are afraid." The man from the branch line jumped promptly. "Save yourself," said Saggart to the brakeman, "there's bound to be a smash.'" "I'll stick by you, Mr. Saggart," said the fireman, who knew him. But hia hand trembled. The airbrake was grinding the lor.g train and sending a shiver of fear through every timber, but the rails were slippery with the frost and the train was still going very fast. At the right moment John reversed the engine and the sparks flew up from her great drivers like a Catherine wheel. "Brace yourself," cried Saggart. "No. 6 is backing up, thank God!" Next instant the crash came. Two headlights and two cowcatchers went to flinders, and the two trains stood there with horns locked, but with no great damage done except a shaking up for a lot of panic-stricken pas sengers. The burly engineer of No. 6 jumped down and came forward, his mouth full of oafhs. "What do you mean, running on our time like this? Hello, is that you. Saggart? I thought there was new man on to-night. I didn't expect this from you. " "It's all right, Billy. It wasn't the new man's fault. He's back in the ditch with a broken leg, I should say from the way he jumped. Old 80 is t-3 blame. She got on the rampage. Toole advantage of the greenhorn." The conductor came running up. "How is it?"' he cried. "It's all right. No. 86 got her nose broke, and served her right, that's all. Tell the passengers there's no danger and get 'em on board. We're going to back up to Pointsville. Better send the brakeman to pick up the other en gineer. The ground's hard to-night, and he may be hurt." "I'm going back to talk to the presi dent," said the conductor, emphatical ly. "He's in a condition of mind to listen to reason, judging from the glimpse I got of his face at the door of his car a moment ago. Either he rein states you or I go gathering tickets on a street car. This kind of thing is too exciting for my nerves." The conductor's interview with the president of the road was apparently satisfactory, for old No. 80 is trying to lead a better life under the guidance of John Saggart. Luke Sharp, in De troit Free Press. Mr. Murphy's Ticket. It is often remarked that an unac customed traveler can get on pretty well if he will keep his eyes and ears open. A native of Ireland landed at Greenock, and wanted to take the traic to Glasgow. Never having been in a railway sta tion before, he did not know how to get his ticket, but he saw a lady going in, and determined to follow her lead. The lady went to the ticket box, and putting down her money, said: "Mary hill single." Her ticket was duly handed to her. and she walked away. Pat promptly planked down his mon ey, and shouted: "Patrick Murphy, married!" Youth's Companion Hia Own Offspring;- There was a crowd of excited darkles in a dark alley gathered around twi negro boj-s who had clinched each other and were fighting away for dear life on the ground. There was one negro man present, and he urged the combatants not to give up. "Gouge him in de eye. Bill! Sam, if you give in I'll tan jer hide feryer. If you whip Bill I'se got a quarter fer yer. Chaw de end of his nose, Sam." A well-dressed gentleman stopped and said to the negro man: You ought to be ashamed of your self to encourage those boys to fipht." "Why. boss, dem's my owp chil druns." Texas Sif tings. A resident of Chisholm Islands, S. C, during the October storm, saved thirty-five persons as th.e waters were sweeping thorn past his door. Den was a low place, hence Alten, Dean, Brogden. Wolfenden, Foxden, Buckden, Bugden, Rayden, Cowden, Berden, Sowden, Ogden and othtra. A PROPER COURSE. Tbe President's Wise Treatment e-T tbs Hawaiian Question. No fair-minded person can read Pres ident Cleveland's message on the Ha waiian affair without coming to the conclusion that the president and the secretary of state are absolutely right in every position they have taken with, regard to this unfortunate business. No state paper concerning a similar subject has ever come from the execu tive office that reflected more honor upon our government, and of which every patriotic American citizen had more reason to be proud. It sets, forth once more in a plain, clear and candid way the well-established facts of the overthrow of the Hawaiian govern ment by a small band of conspirators under the instigation of the American minister and with the aid of United States troops facts bo well verified by documentary proof and all manner of conclusive evidence that the most un scrupulous partisan mendacity has not been able to obscure them. It is well that the president's message shows more fully than it has been officially shown heretofore how the American minister had for years been bent upon accomplishing the annexation of the Hawaiian islands to the United States; how he had j-earned for the "golden hour" of opportunity; how he had asked the state department to permit him to use the United States forces in Hawaiian waters for purposes beyond the mere protection of the American legation and of the lives and property of American citizens; and how, when he thought the "golden hour" had ar rived, he used the United States forces even to the extent of committing an unjustifiable act of war against a friendly government. What interests the American people most at the present moment is the con duct of our own government under such circumstances. The government of Hawaii had been stolen, and offered to the United States in hot haste by the thieves. President Harrison so Mr. Cleveland generously presents the case was misled by artful misrepresenta tions into a hasty acceptance of the stolen goods, and submitted a treaty of annexation to the senate. But Mr. Cleveland's administration, having taken office fortunately before annexa tion was consummated, easily detected that there was a grave discrepancy be tween the assumption of Mr. Harrison, that "the overthrow of the monarchy in Hawaii was not in any way pro moted by tnis government," and the protest of the queen, declaring that she had surrendered to the superior force of the United States, and that she therefore confidently submitted the case to the enlightened justice of the government of this republic. It was in obedience to the simple dictate of com mon honesty that President Cleveland withdrew the annexation treaty from the senate and sent a man of high char acter and known ability and experi ence to Hawaii to ascertain the facts. Mr. Blount, the agent selected, had en joyed the rare distinction, when leaving congress after many years of service, of carrying with him expres sions of the highest regard from lead ing members of both political parties. No man ever thought of questioning his universally recognized integrity un til, after a conscientious endeavor to ascertain, and with a firm determina tion to speak, the truth, he told the whole story of the theft of a country, and thus incurred the rage of those who found themselves balked in the in iquitous attempt to profit from the dis graceful transaction. The president and the secretary of state have done their duty. Now let the unscrupulous ranters in congress who have so wildly vociferated against the administration show what remedy they have to propose, consistently with American honor, integrity, and mor ality. Mere denunciation will no longer serve. On the bare assumption that the president had ordered the queen of Hawaii to be reinstated by force of arms, without authority from congress, they have hurled against the president vilification without measure, even to the threat of impeachment. The message, showing that the presi dent has remained strictly within hi9 constitutional limits, covers them with confusion and shame. They are ex posed as wanton calumniators. Their rage may grow more desperate, but it will also become more harmless every day. "If national honesty is to be dis regarded," says the president, "and a desire for territorial extension, or dis satisfaction with a form of government not our own, ought to regulate our con duct, I have entirely misapprehended the mission and character of our gov ernment, and the behavior which the confidence of our people demands of their public servants." Let the presi dent rest assured that, the demagogues notwithstanding, the American people are neither fools nor knaves. Their conception of the mission and character of our government corresponds with his own. Their sense of justice will stand by him, and turn his severest trial into his most signal triumph. Harper's Weekly. Exmr Reed's Fallacies. 'r. Reed says that American prod ucts cannot be sold except at a loss unless their price can be increased by putting a tax on competition, and he adds that "sales at a loss cannot long continue" This is a very unflattering, and. we believe, a false view to take of the enterprise and ability of American manufacturers and workmen. They produce many things now cheaper than they can be made abroad. , They prove it by selling in foreign markets. They can produce many others more cheap ly when their crude materials and ma chinery are untaxed. But it is a poor rule that does not work both ways. Mr. Reed implies that the foreigner pays the tariff tax. Can he tell how the foreigner managed to pay $199,143, 000 in duties last year upon goods val ued at $400,282,000? It was but a frac tion short of 50 per cent, of the value of the goods which, according to Reed, the foreign producers paid for the priv ilege of selling in our market. Where are the profits in such a transaction? Is Mr. Reed fooled himself, or is he try ing to fool the people? N. Y. World. TARIFF TRUTHS. Motives Promptlne tbe Wilson Commit ter in Tbelr lelibertlons-. The report of the majority of the ways and means committee on the bill for the reform and reduction of the tariff is likely to go into history as one of the chief document brought out by a radical and beneficent change in the fiscal policy of the country. It is an extremely able paper, dear and firm in statement of principle, temperate and prudent in spirit, logical in argument and practical in its method of dealing with a problem that has become ex traordinarily complex. The committee recognize the mandate f the American people, given to the majority in con gress, as they justly say "after the full est and most thorough debate ever given bv anv people to their fiscal pol icy." That mandate required that the present tariff, "wrong in principle and J grievously unjust in operation," should j be revised in the lightf of the law that "the power of taxation has no lawful i or constitutional exercise, except for i providing revenue for the support of i the government." But the committee ; also recognize that the revision of the : tariff in the light of this high law can- I not proceed suddenly and violently; that "great interests do exist whose j existence and prosperity it is no part of our (their) reform either to imperil ; or to curtail;" and "that in dealing with the tariff question, as with every j other long-standing abuse that has in- j terwoven itself with our social or in- i dustrial system, the legislator must al ways remember that in the beginning temperate reform is safest, having inv itself the principle of growth." This statement is fully sustained in the body of the report discussing the various changes made by the bilL The object of the committee has been to abolish or reduce the duties on the materials of manufacture; to reduce in a corresponding degree the duties on the finished product into which these materials enter; to lighten the taxes on the necessaries of life; to abolish duties that were prohibitory, and to emancipate at once commerce and industry from unnecessary restric tions. We do not think that it can, with any show of reason, be denied that the bill honestly and practically meets these ends. It has been neces sary to some extent to keep in view the temporary needs of the treasury, and that is to be regretted, but the commit tee are perfectly justified in inferring that the opinion of the country will sustain them in not allowing these needs to interfere with substantial compliance with the will of the people, as shown clearly and repeatedly at the polls. It remains for the republicans to de cide in what way they will meet the question which is now before congress, brought there by the decisive action of the voters after full discussion with the utmost deliberation. Will they content themselves with fair and rea sonable discussion, or will they resort to dilatory tactics, to purely factious talk, with the hope of wearying the country with uncertainty? If they are either patriotic or wise they will not take the latter course. A tariff reform bill is bound to pass. They cannot prevent, though they may postpone, its passage. The particular class whom the republicans in congress assume to represent the manufacturers will suffer more from the uncertainty, doubt and confusion attending a tedi ous delay than any other class. But they will not be the only ones to suf fer. The country has passed through a most trying season of suspense and depression. Its energies are reawaken ing, and it is preparing to resume pros- perous activity in all branches of busi ness. Uncertainty in any branch must defer the recovery in alL Will the re publicans make themselves responsible for such an untoward and unnecessary addition to the d.fficulties of ail busi ness men? That is the question they will have to decide. They have now a very moderate and fair bill before them. They cannot justly complain of radical or extreme propositions. They may be sure of one thing, that none so moderate will ever again be offered, and that whatever change takes place in public sentiment will be in the di rection of more drastic and immediate reform. Every consideration of honor and interest alike impels them to mod eration. If they fail to be moderate their accounting will be sure and swift. N. Y. Times. OPINIONS AND POINTERS. The arguments of the republican editors do not fit the case. The pres ent congress was not commissioned to frame a manufacturers' tariff. N. Y. World. A year ago Mr. Stevens was not so hot for a republic in Hawaii as he is now. He thought the country would do well enough "as a crown colony of Great Britain." Louisville Courier Journal. The republicans say that they are bound to come back into power if the Wilson bill is passed, and yet they are doing all they can to prevent its passage. What's the explanation? Detroit Free Press. These are the selfish plutocrats who raised no employe's wages when they obtained the additional "protec tion" of the McKinley bilL pocketing the new bounty themselves. But when it is proposed to reduce that bounty they declare their purpose to make la bor pay them the difference and to proscribe skilled and faithful workmen for opinion's sake. McKinleyism will go the more surely for such action. N. Y. World. The desire of g. o. p. oracles to cross the tariff bridge before they reach it is indicative of an anxiety which augurs well for the cause of re form. They already have the Wilson bill torn to tatters in the senate, and foresee a total collapse of democratic prospects in that body. It will be well enough for the country to wait devel opments in the senate, which is not now under the control of the republican w hoopers or organs. The political fal lacies that the latter are preaching are such as to induce a belief that their prophecies, like dreams, should be in terpreted by the rule of contraries. Detroit Froe Pr PERSONAL AND LITERARY. Ivan Riaboshapka. probaldy the most famous of the leaders of Russian .Mundism. who for some months past has been lying in jail in Elizabethgrad, has just been banished, by administra tive order and forwarded to Gerusi. a place in the wilds of me of the prov inces of Transe.mcaskiL He is ovef sixty years of age. Capt. Isaac ltassett has just com pleted his sixty-second yvar of continu ous service in the employ 'of the Unitx-d States senate. He Wcran us a page, appointed on the recommendation of Daniel Webster, and to-day his face is as rosy, his white hair is as luxuriant and his step is as elastic as it lus leen at any time during the last twenty years. At a meeting in Boston tlie other day wider the auspices of the Massa chusetts Indian association Miss. E. Pauline John-son. of Canada, read sev eral original poems. She is tlie (laugh ter of a Mohawk Italian chief. Miss Johnson appeared in the co-tume of hertril-e, which included a necklace of cinnamon b-ar claws and a bracelet of panther claws. There still fremain in California more than twenty-five descendants of John Brown to help col on ire and civil ize other new lands. M iss S.irah Brown, one daughter, is an artist and art teach er, with classes at San J .se and Sara- toga while her orchard at the latter place is fruitful in French prunes, olives, peaches, etc. She much resem bles both her father and mother. William D. Howells is a hard worker and is obliged to use a type writer since he injured his wrist so badly that be can not use a pen. His study or workshop is a model of tidi ness and as neat as his sentences. Mr. Howells is a warm friend of Henry George and has similar political views, as some of his novels have shown. They arree admirably socially and so cial isticalh'. Mayor Bern is of Omaha, nepkew of George Francis Train, says the "Citi zen's" income is supplied by tbe lat ter's daughter, to whom Mr Train turned over about two hundred thou sand dollars while he was making money He sets the pare himself, his present allowance being twelve dollars a week, and he says that if he were to draw thirteen dollars he wouldn't know what to do with the odd dollar. Admiral Avelan and hi associate Russian officers found their recent visit to France well worth their while. It has been estimated that the pres ents they received were worth 3,000,000 francs. They were of all kinds, among them tallow candles, weighine- all told S00 pounds, thousands of bottles of champagne, fine wines, liquors cognac, soap, perfumery, linen and bric-a-brac The chapel of the admiral's vessel is to be adorned with a painting by J. Mail lart, presented by the clergy of France. HUMOROUS. Sunday School Teacher (hearing Arthur say his catechism) "Arty, what is the chief end of man?"' Ar thur "The end wot's got the head on." Robby "Papa, I ran all the way up Long hill to-day." Tapa "And how did you feel when you reached the top?' Robby "I felt just as if I had a stomach-ache in my feet." A Stand-Off. Guest (angrily) "Sav, boy. I've been waiting here an hour." "Waiter "Thafs all right, boss. I've been waitin' here five j years." Detroit Free Press. His Friend "What part did von find most difficult when you were on the stage?"' Footlights "Trying to live up to the salary I told my friends I was drawing." Brooklyn Life. "Young Snifkins tells me he is a practicing phj-sician 'now. Is he? . "Well, from the high rate of mortality among his patients I should say he is, just practicing." Buffalo Courier. Fond Tarent "1 can not inter fere, Bobby; your teacher writes me that she thrashed you on principle." Bobby "Well, she didn't. Don't you think I know where she licked me?" Life. Figg "Skittles has run off and left his wife in an impoverished con dition." Fogg "Yes. Skittles has a good heart, lie al ways said he would ! never ee her suffer." Boston Tran- j script. I Mr. Nocash "Great Scott, there have been burglars in the house!" Mrs. Nocash "How do you know? Oh " Mr. Nocash "I found a dol- ; lar in my trousers pocket." Inter- 1 Ocean. i "You can talk as yon will about : keeping cool in battle," said a veteran I cf the war, yesterday, "but when a cannon-ball catches a fellow in the neck, the coolest man is liable to lose his head." Philadelphia Record. Wet and Dry. An Irish post-boy having driven a gentleman a long stage during torrents of rain, was asked if he was not very wet. "Arrah! I wouldn't care about being o very wet, if I wasn't so very dry, your honor." "I say, mother, didn't I hear you say last night you thought vegetables had feelings?" "Why, yes, my wn; it is very pleasant to believe so." "All right, then; you don't catch me run ning that old lawn-mower again. I'm not going to hurt the feelings of the grass."' The Wrong Man. "Did you tell sister I had come?" "Yeth. thir " "Thafs a good boy, and here is some candy. Now. what did sister say?" "I told her that her beau wath in the par lor, and she thaid 'Which oner and when 1 told hr it wah you she tliuid: Ok, lion- pj-ookiufc-:" Kansas City Journal. ' When anyone proposes to start s, new newspaper he is gravely remindasl that there are nineteen thousand fiv hundred and seventy -three (the ery latest figure) newspapers printed in the United States and Canada. But he is now learning to retort that Ben jamin Franklin's mother advised hias not to start another newspaper "sinca there wert already two ?n the country."