PlffR FOTTE.
nATTSMOUTH SEMI-WEEXLY JOITBNAL
MONDAY. AUGUST 13, 1919.
Because your wife is forty is no
The senate is trying to put the
shan't in Shantung.
:o:
sign you cau change her for
twenties.
two
j
Cbc plattemoutb journal
PUBLISHED SEMI-WEEKLY AX PLATTSMOUTH, NEBRASKA
Entered at Fostofflcl. Plattsmouth. Neb., aa second-class mall matter
In business, politics, or matri
tobacco mony, watch your safety valve.
-:o:-
The man who chews
fflotX'AlTydM Good. Fellows,
Come -Fill Up Your Pipes
wastes a. lot of time looking for a
:o:-
place ot spit.
:o:
The more you are a "good fel
low," the worse you feel next day.
R. A. BATES, Publisher
SUBSCRIPTION PRICE $2.00 PER YEAR IN ADVANCE
The treasury department decides
:o:-
that duty must be paid
How about bunk?
on punk.
A woman's thumb is not very big,
but tiiere is generally a man under
it.
A good deal of it. too. is the high
cost of politics.
:o:
Oh, you Plattsmouth electrl: jui
what a disappointment!
:o:
A new Krupp gun shoots about a
million times before it wears out.
Just like Senator Hiram Johnson's
mouth.
We hope St. Peter will make the
crowd clear out before he reads our
record out loud.
:o:
There is a big quarrel among re
publicans as to the best way to
avoid doing their duty.
:o:
Mtrely getting more pay will
never folve the cost-of-living prob
lem. The main thing is to do more
work.
:o: -
If there was a luxury tax on
language republican attacks on the
league of nations might be some
what profitable.
-:o:
The wampum they used to strive
so strenuously to get and fight each
other for is no good now to the
mummies.
:o:
Some Dutchman has said that if
you eat sauer kraut twice a day you
will live to be 100 years old. We'd
sooner die.
-:o.
Carnegie's joke about dying poor
is still funny. A rich man's jokes
are always funny. A poor man is a
Joke himself.
-:o:
Probably that republican effort to
adjourn the house of representatives
for five weeks was intended as a
Strategic retreat."
:o:
We'd do a man a favor.
Hut can't quite understand
Why he expects we'd cross the street
And put it in his hand.
:o:
Nowadays if a fellow don't agree
with his neighbor he is a reaction
ary aim an oa?tructionist, and lucky
If he is not a liar and porch-climber.
:o:
And now another prominent actor
has married his fifth wife. When
ht! meets them all on the goldefi
shore what a razzle-dazzle lie will
get.
:o:
Buttermilk, cheest-, sauer-kraut
and carrots are said to be sure death
to bacilli and microbes. Sounds
logical. That ought to kill any
thing. :o: '
What is your honest opinion of
our three-way light plant? For
heavens sake do not express it out
loud, just whisper in our ear, or
make signs.
:o:
There is said to have been a de
crease in the number of marriages
lately. Nobody has the nerve any
more to tell young people that "two
can live cheaper than one."
:o: .
No wonder shoes are high when,
according to recent revelations,
profiteers have taken $175,000,000
more than 'they were entitled to out
of leather during the past year.
:o:
Possibly the worst offender in
this whole cost-of-living mess is the
weather man. Dad weather has wip
ed out 400,000,000 bushels of wheat
from the June estimate, and hund
reds of millions of bushels of other
grain along with it.
:o:-
The Journal did not Issue a paper
Wednesday evening. The light
plant was out of commission, again,
again, again, and the machinery of
the Journal office was closed down
all the afternoon We printed both
papers today, in order to miss no Is
sues for the week.
INVESTMENTS
Public Service Corporation
Paying
7
Can fee had in amount of
$100
E
PUL FITZGERALD,
InvMiment Securities
I First National B'ok Bid's,
Omaha, Neb.
A swallow does not make a sum
mer, to be sure, but two or three
swallows make some fellows think
they are birds.
:o:
Damage suits for alienation of
affections demand too ninrh. Affec
tions that can be alienated are not
worth anything.
:o:
The Plattsmouth electric light
plant is certainly getting to be a
genuine joke. Just about as depend
able as a lightning bug.
:o:
After the next election republic
ans in congress may experience the
high cost of living down their rec
ord of legislative failure.
:o:
No country man likes to live in a
city flat, where the rooms are so
small the dog has to wag his tail tip
and down instead of sideways.
:o:
This department has been asked
if it Is strong auainst militant
sufi'ragetism. Well, er. yes. of
course, that is. to some extent in
fact as strong as we dare to be.
:o:
Nothing short of a local lighting
and power plant will suit the people
of this city, and we have been in
formed that the present company
are making plans to provide one.
:o:
The Commercial Club are now be-
coming Interested in the lighting
plant proposition, and will take the!
matter up with the city council am
a committee of well selected rctn
will be appointed to confer with the
officers of the company with but one
end and that will be to a better elec
tric plant for Plattsmouth.
:o:
The guy who invented this new
alleged near-beer had a mighty hazy
Idea or distance. If he were in
Plattsmouth today he might try a
sip of our city water and become so
infatuated with the taste and color
and think that he had really dis
covered the fountain head of his
famous beverage, flowing freely
through the mains of our city water
plant.
- :o:
The larger the better, but we are
willing to accept what we can get
in the way' of a new power plant,
but the service must be wonderfully
improved "upon. Back up with the
old transmission line and give us a
plant. We have been informed that
the Nebraska Power and Electric
Co., are right now planning on a
large plant to be located somewhere
along tho Missouri river, and if a
united effort Is made Plattsmouth
may be selected as that site. All
you men interested, including the
Commercial club, wake up from
your, recent slumbers and get busy
for Plattsmouth still has plenty of
room for advancement, and the lo
cating of this large plant in our
city will prove a wonderful assist
ance, toward a genuine 'manufactur
ing city. Now is the 'me to work,
and now is the time for assistance
fru the oflieials o the lighting
company.
What do you think about a inu-
uiciple light plant. Mr. Taxpayer?
Also, an ice plant Mr. Taxpayer?
:o:
Before abusing any man, pause
and count a hundred. If the man
is bigger than you are, count a mil
lion.
. :o:
The path of progress winds by
the thorn-road, and all along
can trace it by the tracks of bleed
ing feet. i
:o:
As a general thing a man is gov
erned by his prejudices until he gets
married and comes under a new ad
ministration. :o:
An Illinois man ate forty bananas
in forty minutes. Wonder how long
it would take that fellow to weed an
onion patch?
- :o:
Get sunshine. music, love and
flowers into your system ami me
birds wil sing to you and the world
look brighter.
-:o:
If you have water on the brain it
doesn't matter whether it is boiled
or not.
:o:
Whether your nose is Grecian,
Roman or Pug. keep it out of other
people's business.
:o:-
is assured.
A banner fruit crop
one The forbidden variety is also plenti
ful and luxuriant.
:o:-
The young lady with a new dia
mond engagement ring is not much
interested in gloves.
:o:-
:o:-
Seems like some of you fellows
whose wives are out of town dress
Don't do nothing today just be
cause you think you are going to do
something tomorrow.
:o:
Some stars in heaven are mighty
high up. and some stars on the stage
are mighty low down.
:o:
.Money talks. Your part of the
syndicate is to listen. One fellow
smokes, the other spits.
:o:
In all thee barefoot
dancing
stunts on the stage the foot ks bare
up slicker and get shaved oft ener I clear up above the knee.
-:o:-
It is better to have callous spot.--
on the palms of your hands than on
the seat of vour trousers.
:o:
Angels are always painted as
blonde women. What becomes of
all the men and brunettes?
:o:-
Theophile Delcas.se is the name
of the French minister of marine.
Sounds like a brand of cheese.
: o :
All men are born free and equal.
and each has everything his own
way, until he is a year or two old.
:o:
t There are no express elevators
running to heaven and very few
automobiles on the road to right
eousness.
:o:
"Coal men fear the situation will
get away from them, and that prices
may rise $5 or ?, a ton," says a rep
resentative. And how manv dol
lars a ton will prices rise if they
retain control of the situation?
than some of the rest of us do.
farmmoohas
GAINED 137 POUNDS
All Troubles. Overcome By Taking
Tanlac. Had Suffered
Eight Years.
"1 suffered for eight long yeaTs
before I found a medicine that would
do me any good, but sinct taking j
Tanlac I have gained exactly thirty-
seven pounds, and all my troubles
have been completely .overcoifle."
said John N. Moore, a well known
and prosperous farmer who lives on
H. F. D. No. 4. Empire. III., while
in Shorthouse's drug store in Bloom-
ington the other day.
When I commenced taking Tan
lac," he continued, "I had reached
the point where I couldn't do any
work at all, and was forced to hire
a hand to take my place on the farm.
had suffered so much and so long
with stomach trouble, I was just
about down and out so far as health
and strength was concerned. Dur
ing all 'these years my appetite was
very poor, and what little I did
manage to eat would cause me
worlds of suffering. Gas would
form, on my stomach so bad that I
could hardly get my breath, and I
would have the worst sort of cramp
ing spells. I finally got to where I
was hardly ever able to retain what
I ate. and would actually get
nauseated every time I looked at
anything to eat. I had fallen off
so much, and was so low in health
that all my friends were tnlkjnp
about the awful condition I was in.
I was very nervous all the time and
never knew what a good night's
sleep was.
"I heard about Tanlac, then, and
I thought I would give it a trial.
Well, sir, my friends and neighbors
are talking differently now. They
are asking me what in the world
have I been taking to make such a
big improvement in my condition,
and it just does my heart good to
tell them that Tanlac did it. It is
wonderful the way I have gained in
weight and strength. I can go to
the field now and do as much hard
work as any hand on the farm My
stomach ?ecms to be in perfect con
dition, and I never have indigestion,
and am not bothered with gas form
ing after meals. 1 have the best ap
petite I ever had in my life.
can eat just anything I want. I am
free from all that nervousness, too.
1 l . - . I
auu bieep just line a noy every night. a
Tanlac has done all that for me, and the buyer l
and I am as well and hearty now nMarh Klassy KaPS are the
I ever v;i in rut' .,. i i 1 '
as I live I will pass the good word Stetson? in the Cap Kingdom
along to others who suffer as i did." Made of Priestley's Cravenettal
Tanlac is sold in Plattsmouth by f"Uil, : J . j .?
P. G. Fricke & Co.. in Alvo by Alvo Uoth lndestr"cto visor, and the
Drug Co., in Avoca by o. e. codps. newest shapes. Prices
in bouth Bend by E. Sturzcnegger..
in Greenwood by E. F. Smith, In
Weeping Water by Meier Drug Co.,
in Elm wood by L. A. Tyson. in
Nowadays
a Cap is more
than simply a
head covering.
It is an article of head dress
which is receiving the utmost
ani attention by the manufacturer
and seller.
The Velvet tin
is twice as big
as shown here
vm 1
15 c
F ever men are "Tom" and "Bill" to each other,
it's when good pipes are a-going. If ever good
pipes go their best, 'tis when Velvet's in the
bowl.
For Velvet is a mighty friendly smoke.
Kentucky Burley is the leaf that Nature made
for pipes. Wholesome and hearty, honest as
the day. And Velvet is that same good Burley leaf,
brought to mellow middle age.
For eight long seasons Velvet "meditates" in
wooden hogsheads, throwing off the rawness of
"young" tobacco truly "ageing in the wood." Out
Velvet comes cool, calm and generous the tobacco
Nature made good, kept good and made better.
3
Velvet's
sweetness
91
is the sweetness of good
tobacco, not "put on like "frosting" on a cake. Its
mildness comes from natural ageing not from having
the life baked out. Its fragrance is true tobacco fra
grance, not a perfume. And Velvet makes an A
Number One cigarette. Roll one.
As good old Velvet Joe says:
"Fill yo' heart with friendly thoughts,
Yo' mouth with friendly smoke
An' let the old world wag."
-the
frien
dly tobacco
BACKACHE IS VERY
DISCOURAGING
But Not So Bad If You Know How
to Reach the Cause;
Murdoch- by 1 1. V. McDonald.
Louisviile by P.!a!io'.s Pharmacy
Eagle by K. W. HIooiueuKamp,
I lli'. n l.y K. U . Kely. jn .Vthavvk
by n. 1). Adams and iu Murrav 1
Meier Drug Co."
$2.25 to $3.50
Sec our front east window
EVERYBO:
Ore
Nothing more discouraging than
a constant backache. Lame when
you awaken, pains pierce you when
you bend or lift. It's hard to work
or to rest. Backache often indi
cates bad kidneys. Plattsmouth
people recommend Doan's Kidney
Pills. Read this case:"
Mrs. C. C. Burbridge, Vine St..
Plattsmouth, says: "About five years
ago. my back caused me a great
den I of misery. It ac hed most all
the tim- After ! h;-l tki I'-n's
KMiiy Pills tor a while, my back
felt as strong a- ever. Since then,
I have always considered Doan's
fine for backache and ' kidney
trouble and have recommended them
to my neighbors when I have heard
them complaining."
Price 60c, at all dealers. "Don't
simply ask for a kidney remedy
get Doan's Kidney Pills the same
that Mrs. Burbridge had. Foster
Milburn Co., Mfgrs.. Buffalo, N. Y.
A California woman asks $l,r.0.
000 for breach of promise. Pay if.
Any man who has escaped a woman
with that much nerve and self ap
preciation is lucky at any price.
:o:
A bull got crazy mad at two young
ladies recently who displayed red
i!k" stockings w hile goinar lliruiiv,li
l field. Any bull who hadn't an
moro sense than " that tl -serves
butchering.
A specialist on bugology says ev
ery crazy man is afraid of a woman.
Huh! So are we. and we are only
balf crazv.
New York wants a curfew bell
rang at 2:00 o'clock in the morning.
It would be a touching eight to
the little innocents hurrying home
to the hay at that hour. .
:o:-
fajtcy stationery at this office.
C ASTO R I A
For Infants c -
In Use for f t
Always bc'i
the