THE TIICIGMTFLL WOMAN
conirs here wkn she wishes to Imy
candy, soft drinks, ice cream. Why
Because the can depend upon our
poods being absolutely fresh and pure.
Follow her example and you will
profit by so doing. Leave orders for
Ice cream, Pint 2(e, Quart, 35c, Gal
lon, $1.15. Try our Fountain for ice
cream and soda.
Ice Cream Delivered
J. E. MASON
Ind. Telephone 33G. Store.
16 ounces to the Pound
evcrytimc in our store. Our scales arc
frequently inspected and arc abso
lutely accurate. You get here what
you pay for in both weight and qual
ity. Now that summer Is coming (?
A is har
''will alw
I is hard to keep cereals fersh ; but you
,-ays find ours new and in prime
rendition.
J. E.
TUEY
Want Column
Be a Booster and smoke "See Platts
mouth Succeed." Made by Speis
5c. tf
LOST - BETWEEN WM. TAYLOR
place and town, dark brown fur
scarf. Phone 13C. W m. A. Tay.
lor lGCtf
I HAVE ROOM FOR A FEW MORE
cows in my pasture. Price il.60
per month. T. II. Pollock.
YOUNG WOMEN COMING TO
Omaha as strangers arc invited to
visit the Young Women's Chris
tian Association building at St.
Mary's avc. and Seventeenth street
where they will be directed to suit
able boarding places or otherwise
. assisted. Look for our Travelers
Aid at the Union station.
Spend a pleasant hour at the Ma-
jestic theater. Bring your friends.
Admission 5 and 10 cents. ISOtf
Spend a pleasant hour at the Ma
jestic Theatre with your friends
They're all there. Admission 5c am
10c. 182-tf
W ANTED A DISHWASHER., A
pan washer and a laundrywoman
Good wages to the right people
Riley Hotel. 191-tf
FOR SALE RUBBER LINED TOP
buggy in first class shape also one
set of double buggy harness rubber
trimmed, hand sewd. John Bower
Our entire line of millinery stock
must be closed out in six weeks. Mrs,
J. S. Dwyer, opposite postofMce,
Plattsmouth. 16d5tw
Sarcastic.
The Manager I've got a new Idea
for a melodrama that ought to make
a hit. The Writer-What la It? The
Manager The Idea Is to introduce a
cyclone in the first act that will kill
all the actors.
Hardly.
An English political speaker was ad'
dressing an audience. Urging his
bearers to give utterance to their
views, he said, "If we remain silent
the people will not hear our heart
rending erics!"
A Great Thinker.
"Wiggins puts a great deal of
thought luto his work."
- "Yes: he works ten minutes and
then thinks about It fur an hour and
a quarter."
Half of success Is In seeing the sig
nificance of little thtogs.-IIenry F.
cqpe.
A Nice Calculation. ""
Two very dear old ladies walked op
to the window where tickets were to
be Hold for two popular concerts. They
wanted tickets for both ulghts; but.
alas, those for the second evening
were all gone! This was the more,
popular entertainment of the two.
"I'm so sorry, my dear!" pattered
one of the old ladles to the other. "We
did want to go. didn't we. and we
wanted to go Pii h nights?"
"Yi;ii couldn't five us two tickets
fur each night'?" Inquired the other
of the clerk.
"No. ma'am."
"You haven't two scats , anywhere
for the second night';'.'
"No, ma'am. Couldn't give you nose
room."
A great resolution beamed upon her
gentle face.
"Then." said she firmly, "give me
four tickets for the first night. We
will make them do."
"Why, sister." quavered the other,
"you're going to Invite somebody?"
"No," said she. "but If we can't go
both nights" She paused, bewilder
ed, quite out of her calculation. Then
a happy thought struck her. and she
added. "We'll go twice the first night"
-Youth's Companion. '
A Wandering Lake.
Lake Nor. In the Tabl desert. In
southwestern Asia, which has been
colled the "wandering lake." presents
phenomenon about which contra
dictory views have been entertained.
Perhaps the Swedish explorer Sven
Hedlu has given the most plausible
explanation touching this phenome
non. A
It appears, according to that explor
er, that the larim river, entering tne
lake from the west, brings down dur
ing the period of high water late In
summer a great quantity or salt,
which has the effect of driving the lake
lying on the level floor of the desert
toward the southeast. But the sum
mer wind, drifting the surface sand
and darkening the heavens with dust.
blows generally from the northeast,
and it, too. tends to drive the lake be
fore It. The combined effect of the
urging by the wind and the river Is
to force the lake southward. Yet It
Is thought the migration of the lake
Is not constant In direction, but it
shifts bank and forth Intermittently,
according as the circumstances change.
She Forgot.
At 3 o'clock the nbsentniinded wo
man left home with an umbrella. At
the subway station she concluded it
wouldn't rain and left tlio umbrella
with the corner newsdealer. When
she came back at 0 o clock It was
raining. Boys with umbrellas to rent
darted toward her when she appeared
at the head of the subway stairs. She
paid one boy 10 cents to escort her
home. Then she remembered her own
umbrelln. Sheltered by a borrowed
umbrella, she went back to get It The
newsdealer looked uneasy. ,
'Just a minute." he said. "Oh. Tom,
come here!"
A small boy dodged around the cor
ner of the stand and handed over a
dripping umbrella. The absentmlnded
woman looked at the boy; she looked
nt the umbrella. She recognized both.
"Idiot!" she said. "I paid that boy
10 cents for taking me home with my
own umbrella." New York Press.
The Amen of Nature.
Do you ever wonder why poets talk
so much about flowers? Did you ever
hear of a poet who did not talk about
them? Don't you think a poem which,
for the sake of being original, should
leave them out would be like those
verses where the letter a or e or some
other is omitted? No; they will bloom
over and over again In poems as In
the summer fields, to the end of time,
always old and always new. Why
should we be more shy of repeating
ourselves than the spring be tired of
blossoms or the night of stars? Look
at nature. She never wenrles or say
ing over her floral paternoster. In the
crevices of cyclopean walls, In the dust
where men lie, dust also; on the
mounds that bury huge cities, the Blrs
Nemroud and the Babel heap, still that
same sweet prayer and benediction.
The amen of nature Is always a flow
er. Oliver Wendell IIoImeB.
The Firet Fork.
The first fork? The fork, as a mat
ter of fact, did not appear as a table
Implement until' the seventeenth cen
tury, though as early as the thirteenth
century gold and silver ones were
made for special purposes. The ordinary-dlter
was only provided with a
trencher, a napkin and a spoon. For
knife he used his own, which he car
ried about, and, worse, there was no
second trencher, no secoud Bpoon.
When the several courses came along
he exercised his Ingenuity ana moppea
his trencher with his bread. Ills
spoon well, we ourselves H?k postage
stamps! London Chronicle.
Comparing Notes.
Mrs. Slowboy My husband's so lazy
that If It wasu't for me I don't believe
be would get up In time to go to lied.
Mrs. Rounder My husband's differ
ent He scarcely goes to bed In time
to get up.
Appropriate Treatment.
The Thoughtful Man What would
you recommend as treatment for a
man who Is always going around with
a poor mouth? The Funny Fellow-
Send him to a dcutlst.
He Did.
"Did Slmklns get any damages In
that assault case?"
"Did he? My dear fellow, you ought
to see his face."
A man without pnttence Is a lamp
without oil. De Musset
Party's Fate on On Vote.
Instances ure couiuhui euougb In
elections when u single vote turns the
scale, but for that vote to decide not
only the fate of a candidate, but of a
party us well, is rare. Yet a majori
ty of one in parliament, which may
logically depend on a majority of one
lu (he country, has worked some of the
most iikuic:itoiis results possible. The
classical example Is I lie act of union
of IT'.l'.i? certainly among the largest,
most Intpoi ta.it and iiio-t remarkable
changes e"r accomplished by a legis
lative biily. One hundred and six
vi ted for it and UC against. Then a
majority of one carried t lie great re
form bill l:i S.';l.
Majorities i nly a little bigger have
again and again been responsible for
farreaohieg consequences. A majori
ty of five threw out the Melbourne
government In IS?.!). By the same fig
ure Lord John Kussell's government
was defeated In IStiC. Gladstone went
out of otlice In 1S73 because he lucked
three votes, and the public education
act. one of the most Important ever
passed, was placed on the statute
book by a majority of two. London
Chronicle.
Wild Dogs of Asia.
The whole tribe of wild dogs, which
In closely allied forms are to be found
hi the wildest jungles and woods of
Asia, from the Himalayas to Ceylon
and from China to the Taurus unless
the "golden wolves" of the Unman em
pire are now extinct In the forests of
Asia Minor show an Individual and
corporate courage which entitles them
to a high place among the most dar
ing of wild creatures. The "red dogs,"
to give them their most characteristic
name, are neither large In size nor do
they assemble In large packs. Those
which have been from time to time
measured and described seem to aver
age some three feet in length from the
nose to the root of the tall. The pack
seldom numbers more than nine or
ten. yet there Is sulllclent evidence that
they are willing and able to destroy
any creature that Inhublts the Jungle,
except the adult elephant nnd perhaps
the rhinoceros, creatures whose great
size and leathery hide make them al
most Invulnerable to such enemies as
dogs. London Spectator.
London's Big Ben.
Why Is thu large bell In the tower
of the house of parliament lu Londou
called Big Ben? The average London
er himself seems to have no Idea how
It got its name. When the building
was designed Sir Benjamin Hall had a
great deal to do with carrying out the
plans of .the architects, being high
commissioner of public works, and bis
coworkers appreciated the fact that to
him the city of London, was largely In
debted. So when the question came
up in parliament as to the name ot the
enormous bell that was to be hung lu
the tower n member shouted, "Why
not call it Big nen?" This suggestion
was received with much applause us
well as with roars of laughter, for Sir
Benjamin was an enormous man, both
lu height and girth, and had often been
culled Big Ben. From that day on
the bell whose peal every Londoner
kuows has been known only as Big
Ben. Harjier's Weekly.
Mighty In Titles.
The ruler of Turkey. lu ndditlon to
the titles sultan and kha-khnu (high
prince and lord of lordsi, also claims
sovereignty over most districts, towns
cities nnd states lu the orieut. specify
ing each by name and setting Out in
each of his various titles "all the forts,
citadels, purlieus and neighborhood
thereof" lu regular legal form. Ills of
ficial designation ends. "Sovereign also
of diverse nntious. states, peoples and
races on the Sace of the earth." All
this is in addition to his high position
as "head of the faithful" and "su
preme lord of all the followers of the
prophet." "direct and only lieutenant
on earth of Mohammed."
t
The Great Eastern.
The dimensions of the one time world
famous Great Eastern were as fol
lows: Length. 002 feet: width. 83 feet
depth. )0 feet; tonnage. 21,000 tons
draft when unloaded. 20 feet; when
loaded. 30 feet. She had paddle
wheels fifty-six feet In diameter and
was also provided with a four blnded
screw propeller of twenty-four feet
diameter. She had accommodations
for 800 first lass. 2.000 second class
and 1.200 third class passengers. 4.000
In all. Her speed was about eighteen
miles an hour. The Great Eastern was
finally broken up for old Iron In the
year 1880 after a checkered career of
some tblrty-one years.
Fair, but Stormy.
A gentleuiau boarded the Karorl cor
at Kelburne avenue. Recognizing a
friend on one of the seats, he nodded
pleasantly and then said. "Well, what
do you think of the weather?"
"Ou. horrible!" was the reply.
"Aud how Is your wife today?" ,
"She's Just about the same, thank
you!" New Zealand Free Lunce.
No Ear For Musio.
"new do you like the music. Mr.
Judklns?" said Miss Parsons.
"I'm sorry, but I have no ear for
music." he answered. '
"No." put In Mr. Jasper. "He uses
his for a pen rack."
An Even Score.
is your objection
"What
to him,
papa?"
"Why. the fellow en n't liinke enough
money to support you."
"But neither can yon."
No Use For Theory.
Wlewag-lt Is a pet theory of mine
that two can live as cheaply as one.
Youugpop-Huti! It's plain to be Been
you were tu-ver the father of twins.
Philadelphia Itecord.
I he talkative Barber,
"The laikimve.iess ot barbers long
has been i lie subject for puns and
Jokes." said a barber. "I had always
fancied the mailer one of recent origin
nm II the other day. You know in my
trofesslon we have a great deal of
spare lime. Well, the other day I was
sitting on the bench waiting for the
shaves ami hair cuts to conic In and
o while away the time was glaucini;
hroiigh a copy of Plutarch's Wrche-
laus.' Imagine my consternation when
1 happened on a line reading:
A prating barber asked Archclaus
how he would be trimmed, lie an
swered. "In silence." '
Well, that got me. 1 never knew
they even had burlier that long ago.
always supposed the ancients let
their whiskers grow and that they
wore curly locks as long as their to
gas, tint It seems that the barber is
an ancient relic and that his talking
proclivities are a matter of history
I'll have to give It to the humorists
there.
But. sny." ho whispered, "that man
icure girl over there has got us beat to
a frazzle. 1 wonder If there's anything
In Plutarch about her."-Kansns City
Star
The Sunny Side of Superstition.
That there Is anything genial, cheet-
lng or therapeutically valuable about
superstition may seem a tall state
ment. The adjective generally associ
ated with it Is "dark." 'On the con
trary, there Is something very bright
ening about n four leaf clover. Who
Is not a little more of an optimist for
picking up a horseshoe' What lone
ly fanner's wife, stormbound on a
winter afternoon, with unwelcome lei
sure on tier hands, but feels a little
quickening of the pulse as she drops
her scissors and beholds them sticking
up In the carpet or discovers that she
has laid an extra place at the table'.'
Company signs are the commonest and
welcomed of all superstitions. The
scissors, the needle, the dishcloth, the
fork, the Saturday sneeze, all Inculcate
hospitality and reward It by an unex
pected visitor. If the ueedle slams as
it stands up in the crack of the floor
it foretells a gentleman. Bun. young
daughters of the house, and put a
blue bow In your hair! Atlantic
Monthly.
Working It Out.
The following note was delivered to
a schoolmistress recently:
"Dear Mum 1 am sorry that John
ny won't be able to come to school to
day. He has gone with his father to
act as timekeeper. The sum you gave
Johnny last night was, 'If the road Is
one und a quarter miles long bow long
will It take n man to walk that dis
tance twenty-six and a half times, his
average rate of progress being three
and three-quarter miles per hour?'
Johnny ain't a man yet, so as dad's
the only man In this house be had to
go. They started at 4 o'clock this
morning, and dad said he'd finish the
sum In one day if be could manage It.
though It would mean hard going.
Dear mum. next time you want any
Information please make It 'woman.'
then 1 can do the sum nnd dad can go
to his work." London Scraps. ,
A Custom of the Balkans.
lie or she who enters a bouse for the
first time Is supposed lu the Balkau
countries to bring It good or bad luck
for the whole twelvemonth. This be
lief gives rise to a curious observance
The visitor before crossing the thresh
old picks up a stone (token of strength i
or a green twig (emblem of health and
fruitfuluessi and lays It on the hearth
lie also brings with him some grains
of salt, which he casts Into the flames,
and then, squatting by the fireside,
wishes his hosts "a prosperous year, u
plentiful crop and many blessings
Then as the grains of salt burst and
crackle In the tire he utters the follow
ing quaint formula: "As 1 am sitting
eveu so may sit the hen nnd warm the
eggs. As this salt splits, even so may
spilt the eggs of the elm king hen and
the chickens come forth,"
Reptiles' Eggs.
Reptiles' eggs ure hot very nttrac
the objects. In the case of crocodiles
and many kinds of tortoises they are
pule colored or white and resemble
those of birds In shape. But the egg
of the gopher tortoise Is remarkabii
for its complete roundness. It migbi
well be mistaken for a golf ball. Manj
snakes' eggs are soft skinned, brown
as to color and look for all the world
like n number of new potatoes.-Scien
title American.
Enthusiasm,
Tbe organist sent a little boy to lu
quire of the minister what the first
hvmn would be. "Tell her." said tin
minister. "I would like "Carol. Broth
ers. Carol.' "
The little boy thought he said "Howl
Brothers, nowl." und told the organist
.that the minister's selection was "Yell,
Brothers. Yell."-New York Times.
Runs In the Family.
Mr Agile (to Mr. Stotittnan. running
for u can-Hello, old boy! I thought
you were too lazy to run like that
Mr. Stoiitnian ilangnidlyi-Enslly ex
plained, my dear lmy. Laziness runs
In our fanilly.-Llpplni'ott's,
Sutpended Animation.
"What Is suspended animation?"
"It's what happens at an afternoon
tea when the very woman they have
been talking about enters the room."
Puck.
Cramped.
Knlcker-ITnw large Is their subur
ban place? Itocker - Large! Why. they
have 1 1 have folding beds for the flow
ers New York Sun.
Bless the fools! What would we do
! wen mm wer wise? Antrim.
The Alert Man.
"Calmness Is a fine trait," said Mr.
Bllllly. "but doos It always get there?
You take the "ase of two men stand
ing up lu a c;T holding on to straps,
both the same age. but one of them
quiet and the other quick, uud now let
the man they are standing in front of
get up to leave the car at u station,
and suppose these two men are both
nt exactly t lit same distance from the
seat, each with the same chance as the
other for seising It, which would get
that seat? Would It be the calm, cool
man who moved deliberately and al
ways with some thought for others, or
would It be the ever alert man. quick
to move ami always on the lookout,
not caring a continental for w hat auy
body thinks and always ready to Jump
in any seat he can nab? Why, while
the calm man Is thinking It over about
what ho shall do ami beginning to turn
that way the alert man Is lu the seat.
I certainly do admire the calm, tran
quil man and his good manuers, but It
Is the man ever on the alert that gets
the seat In the car and other things."
New York Sun.
The Back of a Glove.
The meaning of the three marks on
the .back of n glove nnd the clocks on
a stocking were two of the llttlo mys
teries of dress explained nt a lecture
on clothes lu Loudon. The lecturer
said that the three marks on the back
of a glove correspond to tho fourchetto
pieces between the lingers, and In old-
eu days these pieces were continued
along the back of the hand, braid be
ing used to conceal the scams. A
somewhat similar origin was assign
ed to the ornamental clock on the
stocking. In the days when stockings
were mndo of cloth the seams came
where the clocks do now, the orna
mentation then being used to hide the
scams, l ho useless little bow in tlio
leather band lining a man's hat Is n
survival of tho time when a hat was
made by taking a piece of leather, bor
ing two holes through it nnd drawing
It up with a piece of string.
Fashions In Borneo.
According to the rules of Borneonn
fashion It Is deemed necessary to mold
one's limbs into a more shapely form
than that bestowed by nature. This Is
done really effectively by winding
strong brass wire round tho ankles, the
wrists, under the knees aud above the
elbows of children. Growth at theso
points is, In consequence, greatly bam
pered, with the result that the limbs
come to be deformed or. according to
Dyak Ideas, brought Into proper shape.
The headdress consists of a curious
headwork cap. and around his neck a
bridegroom to be wears bangles' of
plnlted fiber and strings of cowrie
shells. These shells, by the way, as lu
other parts of the world, are used as
currency. A yard of fiber or twenty
to thirty cowrie shells represent tho
value of a penny. Tbe white armlets
are mnde of another species of shells.
-Wide World Magazine.
What a Toad Enjoys.
There are few things more amuslug
thun to watch a toad submitting to the
operations of a back scratching. He
will at first look somewhat suspicious
ly at the twig which you are advanc
ing toward him. but after two or three
passes down bis back his manner un
dergoes a marked change, bis eyes
close with an expression of Infinite
rapture, he plants his feet wider apart,
and his body swells out to nearly dou
ble Its ordlnnry size, as If to obtain
by these means more room for enjoy
ment. Thus he will remain until you
make some sudden movement which
startles him or until be has had as
much petting ns he wants, when, with
a puff of regretful delight, be will re
duce himself to his usual dimensions
aud hop away, bent once more on the
pleasures of the chase.
In Hearing.
Thy stood upon the crest of the
mountalu und gazed off through the
purple distances.
"Darling." he whispered, bending
closer, "give me a kissJust one!"
"No. Clarence." she answered tim
idly, "some one will hear us. There
may be other ears around."
"OihT ears! Why should you think
so, dearest?"
"Oil. because I have so often heard
of mountaineers I t Imtiutit pet haps
there might be some around, and" -
But Just then tlnfe was a mighty
crash. A iiioiiniaPi goal had heard
the awful pun and pimped over the
cliff. Loudon Tuner.
Making f.one Two Ways.
Our rive i in pleies. or course, ure
merely tokens, deriving their purchas
ing siwer from the l.at of the treas
ury. The metal blanks fir lliein cost
only about II cents a hundred. When
the expense ot slumping the designs
Umiii lb 'ii is lidded they come to
something like ?:!..". Hi a million-tbnt Is
to say. for I Ills amount the government
produce $.4MNNi worth of ulckels.
making a dear profit ot $40.4! KJ on tbe
transaction. -Saturday Evening Post
Not Surprised.
Real Estate Agent I tell you. sir,
the death nue In this suburb Is lower
than In any other part of the county.
Near Victim I lsllet e you. 1 wouldn't
be found dead here myself. Chicago
Journal.
Not Much.
She Well. I hope you are going to
write n letter to the mnn who Insulted
you. lie (an ncton What, make him
a present of my autograph? Not much.
-Pele Mele.
Wbatver disgruce we have merited.
It Is almost always in our power to re
establish our reputation. La Koche-foucauld.
The Light of the 8tars.
Various endeavors have been main
to estimate the light of the stars. In
the northern hemisphere Argelander
has registered 321.000 stars down to
the nine and a half magnitude, and
with the i. id of the best photometric
data Agnes M. Clerk's "System of tho
Stars" ghes the sum of the light of
these northern stars as equivalent to
1-1 ID of full moonlight, while the total
light of all stars similarly enumerated
lu both hemispheres, to the number of
nboui pno.ooo. Is roughly placed at
1-1SO of the lunar brightness. Tho
scattered light of still fainter celestial
bodies Is dllllcult to compute. By a
photographic method Sir William Ab
bey rated the total starlight of both
hemispheres nt 1-100 of full moonlight,
nnd Professor Newcotnb from visual
observations of all stars at Just 728
times that of Capella. or 1-S9 of the
light of the full moon.
It Is not certain, however. that the
sky would be totally dark If all stars
were blotted out. Certain processes
make the upper atmosphere strongly
luminous nt times, and we cannot bo
sure that this light would be totally
absent. Harper's Weekly.
A Dutch Fishing Fleet.
If the traveler wants to get a real
glimpse of picturesque Holland, a
glimpse which shall long bo a happy
memory. , let him Journey to tho old
fishing village of Schevenlngen, not
far from The Hague. Its fishing fleet
is an imposing one nnd Is best seen at
ulght, when tho boats are drawn up on
the bench. Each has a number, and
these are painted on tho Bides In such
large figures that they can be read
at a considerable distance. At night
when the fishermen begin to come to
land tho women of the village walk
down to tho bench with their knitting
In their hands to meet tbern. They
wear their wooden shoes, some of
which ure made to look especially
clenn by an application of whiting, and
they make a merry clatter ns they go.
Industry Is characteristic of the wom
en of Holland in all walks of life.
They must always be at work of some
kind, and It would seem as If moro
knitting needles must be used lu Hol
land than In any other country in the
world.-E. J. Farrlngton lu Interior.
The Old Time English School.
Until comparatively recent times
public school boys In England bad
many hardships to endure. As late ns
1834 a writer who spoke from experi
ence said that "the lumates of a work
house or a Jail were better fed nnd
lodged than the scholars of Eton."
Boys whose parents could uot pay for
a private room underwent privations
that might have broken down a cabin
boy and would be thought Inhuman If
inflicted on a galley slave.
"They rose at 5. whiter nnd sum
mer, nnd breakfasted four hours later,
the interval being devoted to study,
after they had swept their rooms aud
made their beds. Tbe only washing
accommodation was a pump. Tbe diet
consisted of an eudless round of mut
ton, potatoes and beer, none of them
too plentiful or too good.
'To be starved, says this writer,
"frozen and flogged such wus the dal
ly life of the scions of England's no
blest families."
A Losing Game.
"By having a record kept at tht
cashier's desk of pay checks which
patrons fail to turn In 1 sometimes
mnke up my losses." said the proprie
tor of a large restauraul. "Today a
mnn got a check for 155 cents. To the
cashier he presented one for 25 ceuts.
The latter, glancing at bis missing
check card, discovered that it was one
of the listed ones. Detaining the man.
he notified me. After being confront
ed with the waiter the beat wanted to
pay both checks. 1 ordered a police
man summoned. The man's pleading
led me to show him the list of missing
checks, which umounted to something
like $80. saying that I didn't kuow but
that he was tbe cause of them all. He
offered to pay the lot If the matter
would be dropped, and this proposition
I nccepted."-New York Sun.
Couldn't Forget It.
"Saturday night some miscreant lug
ged off a whole cord of my wood, and
somehow I cau't forget about It." de
dared Silas.
"Have you tried to forget It?" In
quired bis friend.
"Yes. Sunday morning 1 went to
church, hoping 1 could get It off my
mind, and before I hud been there five
minutes the choir started In singing
The Lost Chord.' so 1 got out."
Judge. .
Reckless Gambling. '
"I'm afraid my husband Is develop
ing the gambling Instinct." sobbed the
bride.
"What's the matter, dear? Has he
been playing poker?"
"No. but yesterday he offered to
match pennies with Brother Frauk to
determine which one should pay tbe
cur fare." -Detroit Free Press.
Getting Down to Business.
Mistress no new servant There are
two things. Mury. about which I am
very particular. They ure truthfulness
nnd obedience. Mary-Yes'in. ana
when you tell me to say you're not In
when a person calls that you don't
wish to see which Is It to be, mum
truthfulness or obedience?
Defined.
Precocious Child-Papa, tell me what
Is humbug? Parent (with a deep
drawn slghi-lt Is. my dear, when
your momma pretends to be very fond
of me nnd puts no buttons on my
shirt.
ne who loves goodness harbors an
gels. Emerson.