THE EDITOR'S REPLY.
K Got to the Wrong Man, Who Re
ported the Result
"A temperance lecturer ouce came to
Virginia City.' said Mark Twain, "and
In bla lecture be cited tbe rase of
young Nevadlan who bad died from
tbe effects of a balf pint of brandy.
"The cane was a well knowu one, but
It bad en a pint of whisky, not a
half pint of brandy, that liad killed
the youth, and consequently 1 as 'An
swers to Correspondents' mnn on the
'Enterprise wasn't astonished when I
got this letter the day after the lec
ture: " 'To acttlo a bet please state In your
Taluable paper whether the young man
referred to In Inst night's temperance
lecture drank half pint of brandy or a
pint of wblsky. Constant Reader.'
"My reply to this was: N
" 'Constant Reader. A pint of whis
ky.' "The reply appeared, as was our
rule, tbe week after Its receipt, but
meanwhile a schoolteacher bad writ
ten In for a cold cure. The school
teacher, too, bad adopted the signature
of "Constant Reader,' and he mistook
our other correspondent's answer for
bis own. Luckily, though, be bad a
good constitution, and tbo next duy be
wrote In to us:
"'Dear EditorThanks for valuable
cure. It worked splendidly. The cold
Is completely gone now, and nothing
remains but a bad headache from the
pint of whisky. Constant Reader.' "
BASKETBALL TOURNEY.
(Ust Teams of the Country to Clash
In Chioago.
Charlea A. Dean, chairman of tbe
National Amateur Athletic union cham
pionship basketball committee, has an
nounced that tbe unlimited champion
salps will be held In Chicago on
March 17, 18 and 19. As an Inceutlve
'o bring the best teams together In this
meeting Dean has offered to pay pnrt
of the expenses of tbe Montreal five,
champions of Canada; the Birmingham
(Ala.) team, one of the strongest ag
gregotlons In tbe south; the Suit Lake
City T. M. C. A., which has had an un
beatable team In tbe last few yean,
and the San Francisco Athletic club,
which Is represented by on of the
strongest teams on tbe coast
Soothing tho Weary.
Mrs. I'oarck Is a tactful woman,
skillful and calm, as la shown by the
way she handles ber sometimes un
ruly husband.
Mr. Poarck came home very late tbe
other night from an Important polit
ical gathering. In the hall he kicked
up rather a row, growling and swear
ing to himself till his wife called to
him from upstairs:
"What's the matter, my dear?"
"Matter-hlc-is," Mr. I'oarck shout
ed, "thut there's two hatracks here,
and I dunno which one to bang my
bat on!"
"But you've got two huts, haven't
you?" sold Mrs. Poarck soothingly.
"Hang oue on each rack and come up
to bed. You're tired."
"HIT WHEN A BLOW
COUNTS" JOHNSON.
"IIow will 1 fight Jeff? Well,
that depends," says Jack John
son. . "1 don't believe a man Is
wine In sailing In and taking a
chance of breaking bis hands In
the first round or getting In
front of a knockout wallop, nit
when It counts that's my Idea.
I am not going to run away from
Jeffries, but.l do not believe In
taking foolish chances on any
thing, and I will not fight any
more recklessly against Jeffries
than I have fought In tbe battles
that have brought me to the
top."
LOST HIS MONEY.
Made a Bot and Foolishly Plokod tho
Wrong Mmbor.
There waa an eminent English ser
geant at law some years ago who bad
a cork leg that was a triumph of ar
tistic deception. None but bla Inti
mates knew for certain which was the
real and which was tbe sham limb. A
wild young wag of tbe "outer bar,"
who kuew the ' sergeant pretty well,
once thought to utilize this knowledge
it the sergeant's secret to take in a
green, newly fledged young barrister.
Tbe sergeant was addressing a spe
tlul Jury at Westminster in his usual
earnest and vehement style, and tbe
wag whispered to his neighbor:
"You see bow bot old Buzfuz Is over
his case. Now, I'll bet you a sovereign
I'll run this pin Into his leg up to the
bend and he'll never notice it. he's so
absorbed In bis speech, lie's a most
extraordinary man In that way.".
This was more than tbe greenhorn
could swallow, so be took tbe bet.. Tbe
wag took a large pin from his waist
coat and, leaning forward, drove It u
to tbe head In tbe sergeant's leg. i
yell that froze the blood of all who
heard It, that made tbe balr of the
Jury stand on end and tbe Judge's wig
almost full off, rung through tbe court
"Dy Jove, It's tbe wrong leg! I've
lost my money!" exclaimed tbe dis
mayed and couscleuce stricken wag
as be fled through the door, while the
laceratod lawyer danced on bis cork
leg and bowled in agony.
Cadet-Middies Meet Nov. 28.
That football will be resumed at
West Point next autumn was ussured
by the recent announcement of tbe
schedule. The soldiers will, of course,
agnln tackle the navy In their big
gnmo of the year. This contest will
be played on Franklin field. In Phila
delphia, on Nov. 2G.
Harneit Racing In Connecticut.
The trotters and pacers will lie well
provided for at the Connecticut fair
next July. The $10,000 C'hurter Oak
will be the feature of u splendid program.
FUTURE SPORT PLANS
lidn t Keep Diary.
At an important trial in a London
law court one of the witnesses was
an Irishwoman who was decidedly
hard to handle. She was particularly
categorical as to her dates and told
how "this happcued at 4:27 on Tues
day, this at 0:33 on Friday," and so
on. At Inst tbe patience of tbe advo
cate was exhausted.
"My dear woman," said the exns
perated counsel, "do you keep a diary 7"
"No, sir," replied the woman, "
dramsboo."
When the operator up In the nmall
country town got through with tran
scribing the message it conveyed to
the young woman tbe following Illu
minating adrlce:
"You had better stop at a store
house." New York Sun.
Men Are Four. '
Men are four. He who knows, and
knows he knows he Is wise; follow
blm. He who knows, and knows not
he knows-he Is asleep; wake blm. He
who kuows not, and kuows not he
knows not bo is a fool; shun him. He
who knows not. aud knows he knows
not-he U a child; teach him. Arabian
rroverb.
Newark, N. J., Is to buve a six day
bicycle rnce the week of Feb. 7.
The Krigllsh track nud field cham
pionships of 1910 will be held at Stam
ford r.rklge. London.
Detroit expects 400 five man teams'
to bowl in the American tournament
to bo held In tllfi City of the Straits In
February.
The Los Angeles one mile bicycle
track will be 1.C80V6 feet In diameter.
It will be forty-five feet wide and
banked at a 20 per cent angle. It will
be ready April 1.
Racket championships in singles
and doubles will be decided in New
York and Boston courts. Tbe two man
matches will be played nt the New
York Rncket club Jan. 17 to 22 and
tbe Individual mntcbes at the Boston
club Fol. 14 to 19.
HATTS"
CASH
Having started to sell for Cash, we can give
you bigger values for your money and save you 15
per cent on all your Groceries and Meats.
7 bars Calumet Otr
soap
Jenneting apples acr
per" bu....50c andUJL
Salt per pack- Ar
ages L
2ukgsKorn Kinks Cr
breakfast food UL
10c can com 9c
10c can tomatoes 9o
10c can peas 9c
Special Blend
coffee per pouni..2c
10c VanCamp's pork Q
and beans
25c Coffee.. .'. 23c
25c can Shillings in
baking powder 1U-
10c pkg. macaroni 9c
106 raisins, per lb r. -. r. ; 8c
Oatmeal, per lb 5c
12ic dried peaches jq
10c pkg. crackers 9c
10c can K. C. baking Qr
powder
10c bottle catsup 9o
10c mince meat .8c
10c pan cake flour 9c
10c rice per lb............ 9c
Smw Flake $1 9ft
flour v1-011
Star $1 OC
flour pi.-w
Oranges per doz. ..... .15c
Green Goods Fresh
Every Day
Cauliflower, each 10 to 20c
Lettuce, per bunch. .... .5c
Celery, per bunch. .7 to 10c
Beets, per bunch. v. ..... .5c
Onions, per bunch. ...... .5c
Cabbage, carrots pars- Ar
nips, sw't potat. lb.
Brisket boil beef 7r
per lb ,L
TRAINING FOR UMPIRES.
Few 8uggeetion Made For
Benefit of Arbitrator.
The suggestion that tbe um
pires go south like tbe ball play
ers and get in shape for tbe big
league season his brought forth
the following from one of the
fans who doesn't overlook any
thing: "In this circuit next season an
arbitrator Is going to need to
step the half mile in about fifty
five seconds nud be able to con
tinue tbe mime pace tbe Mara
thon route If be baa pulled off
a particularly raw decision.
"High hurdling should also be
a pnrt of the spring training.
The average fence height of the
parks is about eight feet The
arbitrator should be able to clear
tbls, taking off on either foot,
and do tbe 100 yards to the fence
In about nine seconds flat.
"Shadow boxing would play
an Important part In tbe train
ing if it was done right. When
ever nu ump gets so be can
dodge his shadow and leave it
intact ten feet away from him
and come' back and Join it be
fore It can overtake him he will
be In pretty fair condition to
hear tbe whig of a pop bottle
aud beat It out of tbe way be
fore it dents his dome.
"He should also get his feet so
well pickled iu brine and forma
lin that he can smile when one
of our peevish Infield pets sinks
his spikes through his shoes lu
tbe midst of any little airy per
siflage that may be bundled
about the bail yard."
The Plaltsmouth Telephone Co
H
ill Install Telephones on
Short Notice
' Business rate per month $200
Residence rate per month $1.00
650. Telephones' on the Platts
, mouth Exchange.
Office Next Door to Post Office.
.WILLIE JONES ON WARPATH.
Crack Featherweight Now Hotfoot
After Near Champions.
Willie Jones, tho Brooklyu feather
weight. Is now hotfoot after the s
called near champions In his division
Since his debut into the ring nearly
three years ngo he has beaten .met
good men us Charley Goldman, l'hllly
McGovern aud Young Brltt and hus a
draw to bis credit with Al Delmont,
and his first battle, with I'atsy Kline,
HA
BBC
an kiwssw 4
cash
STOE3E
WILLIB JONES, THK PROMISING F&ATHKR-
WE1C1HT.
went the limit of ten rounds. Of
course there was a diversity of opln
ton as to the victor, but as Jones had
the better of Kilns lu the first seveu
rounds and was ou bla feet at the-end
of tbe last round aud fighting strong
ly It la difficult to understand how any
one could fall to pick bim as the win
ner.
Jouea la willing to hook up with any
one thut will make a noise like a bout
or, lu other words, la willing to meet
any boy In the country at 122 pounds.
With proper handling this youngster,
who Is only twenty years old,, has a
grand future before him aud may some
day wear tbe rbaruplonsblp crown.,
Batters Are "Suokere," Says 8mith.
Paderewskl Prank Smith of the Chi
cago Americans says all batters are
"suckers." According to the plauo
Juggler, all a pitcher has to do nowa
days Is to make a bluff at using tbe,
apltter. Tbe batter will then surely
miss If the ball la shot iu straight and
high.
FUTURE SPORT EVENTS
Detroit looks for 2,000 skat players
at the touruey, June 11 to 13.
The annual tournament of the Na
tional Archery Association' of tbe
United States will be held In Chicago
Aug. 10, 17, 18 and 19.
The Louisville thoroughbred horse
racing meeting will open May 10 and
continue uutll June 4. The Kentucky
Derby will be run on the opening day.
Stanley Kotchel. tbe middleweight
champion, who has not fought since
ha was defeated by Jack Johnson, will
re-enter the ring to meet Frank Klaus
In rittsburg, March 11.
The championship contests were ar
ranged by the International Cyclists'
union in Paris recently' for July 17, 21
and 24. They will be held In Brus
sels. The 1011 championships will be
held in Turin.
The Plattsmouth Telephone Co U
.1
SEE PLATTSMOUTH SUCCEED
See PlattsmouthSucceed, Smoke Acorn Cigars,
Made here at homeiar.d famed near and far;
Of flavor the fines! you smoke and repeat
Kings of their kind They cannot be beat.
Every Puff is a pleasure, enjoyment complete.
And their fillings selectedjfrom Cuban choice fields,
Complete satisfaction the Acorns yield.
Over the country theyf jumped into fame,
Right from thestart they are always the same.
No Products are betterfall men have agreed.
Smoke Acorn Cigars SeeJPlattsmouth Succeed.
PTAKD z BAJECK
: Manufacturers
hie TiiiinR's nrart i
mm'. ... j n a . i . W
l-ii out ai rranK s get a suit up to date,
Right in the fashion of woolens first rate.
A suit that will fit goods sound as a bell,
No outside shops will fit you as well,
Keep track of Mac's good value he sells.
Mac builds good clothes garments all neat,
Chicago's ready made agents cannot compete.
Examine his line and prices all through,
Look him up for a suit, saves money for you.
Reliable goods, all through his line,
; Order a suit for the on coming spring time,
You find value for money here every time.
F. M. RICHEY
DEALER IN
Building Materia
LUMBER, LIME, ETC.
Estimates -Furnished. '
Prompt Attention to Orders.
YARDS AT
PLATTSMOUTH, - . MYNARD,
NEBRASKA. . . . NEBRASKA.
The Ilailv News 10p nop wooh
y W II s I'll
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