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About The news-herald. (Plattsmouth, Neb.) 1909-1911 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 15, 1909)
TAILOR'S SIGNALS GO WRONG I SURVIVAL OF OLD BELIEFS
TRUST BURSTING IN BAGDAD
UNCLE SAM WANTS THE BEST
CAT WITH DIAMOND EARRINGS
GRACEFUL ACT OF GENTLEMAM
Trlee en New Shoes and Brings Vol
lay from tht Bar
The tatlor'i shop la above a saloon.
The tailor likes bis German joy, and
Is such a steady customer that the
saloonkeeper decided to put in a dumb
waiter for the purpose of shooting the
lager up to the tailor without having
to carry it up to him or wait for the
tailor to run down.
"Ve shall have signals, no?" sug
gested the tailor. "Ven I stamp my
foot on der floor vonce, dot iss von
beer. Ven I stamp two times, dot iss
two beers, und bo on."
"Dot Iss it," responded the saloon
keeper, with a smile that indicated
his approval. "Von stamp Iss von beer
und two stamps iss two beers, und
yet on so long as you stamp."
The saloon keeper had not been
.back in his bar room more than five
minutes until he heard noise from
above, lie tried to count the stamps,
but loRt the count. He Just loaded a
dozen glasses of beer on the dumb
waiter and sent them up. Then he
went upHtalrs with four glases more.
As be entered the tailor's door he was
surprised to find no one in the shop
but the tailor.
"Vot's der matter, Herman?" he
said. "Vot are you doing? Are you
glflng a barty?"
"Vot you mean? For vy Iss all dls
beer?" queried the tailor.
"For vy Ibs all dose stamps If not for
And Herman, to his financial terror,
suddenly realized that be had been
stamping on the floor. He was trying
on a new pair of shoes.
They didn't try to put the beer back
Into the keg.
DIVORCES RARE IN CANADA
Surprising Difference Between Statis
tics of United State and Her
Neighbor on the North.
There Is a surprising difference be
tween the divorce statistics of the
United States and those of Canada.
While in this country divorces are
(ranted by the thousand, on the other
Ide of the boundary the number rare
ly reaches even two figures annually
Since 1867 there has been a grand
total of 136 divorces granted in Can
The figures are given In detail in
the St. John Globe as follows:
In 1867-68 one was granted; in '69,
ne; '70, '71 and '72,! none; '73, one
75, one; '76, one; '77, four; '78, three;
T. one; '84, one; '85, five; '86, one;
7, five; "88, two; '89, four; '90, two;
"92, four; '93, seven; '94, six; '95,
three; '96, one; '97, one; '98, three;
99, four; 1900, five; '01, two; '02, two;
M, seven; '04, six.
Jn 1905 nine were granted; in 1906,
fourteen; 1907. five; 1908, eight, while
Che last season eclipsed all records
with a total of 16.
Medicine Man Made Good.
In the August Wide World Maga
tne, C. H. E. Askwlth of Ottawa,
tells an amusing story of "rain-ma
king." The prosperity of the Yukon
3a, as every one knows, cloaoly bound
up with an abundant rainfall, and in
order to insure this the services of
m "rain-making expert" were enlist
ed by the government and a commit
tee of mine owners. He failed, where
upon Silau, hereditary chief of the
Moosehide Indians, staked his repu
tation that his tribal medicineman
rould do more wonders than all the
paleface's science. Nature, through a
remarkable coincidence, came to his
sslstanee with the unlooked-for re
emits that the Yukon got all the rain
Jt wanted, and that the entire tribe
of Moosehldes went back to the faith
f their savage forefathers. "The
tacts are strictly as I relate them,"
.WTltes the author. "I was at that time
editor of the Yukon Daily World, and
look a small part in the affair."
Calls for Courage.
"No matter how watermelon may
fee rut up or served In fancy style, It
never tastes better than when placed
1efore one In the good, old fashioned
southern slice," said a man In the
"Waldorf-Astoria the other night. "I
would have It oftener, but . no one
feels more conspicuous than the man
who calls for It and has his waltei
approach In state with the huge, scar
Jet slice. It seems as if every one in
the room turned to stare. It takes
aerve to eat watermelon. As for can
.teloupe and ice cream as a dessert
Ihey are all right If a little apricot
brandy is put into the melon before
the ice cream. That blends the flavor
No mockery In this world ever
Bound to me so hollow as that of be
Ing told to cultivate happiness. What
docs such advice mean? Happiness
is; not a potato in mold and tilled
with manure. Happiness Is a glory
shining far down upon us out ol
"heaven. She Is a divine dew whicb
the soul, on certain of Its summei
mornings, feels dropping upon It fron
the amaranth bloom and golden fruit
age of I'aradlse. Charlotte Hronte.
Home of the Wild Bee.
A wild bee's home, as we all know,
serves the purposo of a storehouse as
well as of a place for the young tc
grow and develop. The entrance used
by the bees Is often very small, but
always leads Into a large room. Tht
wax for their honey and brood cellt
Is the only thing In the least like fur
nlture which they rc;ulre. The Arm
er and more hare the walls and floors
the better for them. St. Nlchobs,
Explanation of Fact That Parsley Al
ways Has Been Associated with
Life and Death.
One of the most curious features
in parsley lore is that the plant is
traditionally connected with both
birth and death. The association
with the former, though familiar
enough, is the more mysterious, the
London Globe says. All of us have
heard in one form or other the ex
planation given by nurses to inquisi
tive children as to the appearance of
a new brother or sister "The doe
tor, or clergyman, found him or her
in the parsley bed." It is possible
that some may see a reference to
this widespread fiction in the Roman
folk story, "Filinagrata," but there
can be but little doubt that the
origin must be sought for in some
of the oldest and most universal of
primitive beliefs, those, namely;
which related to the sympathetic
connection between the fertility of
certain forms of plant life and the
increase of the human race.
Jones Hasn't that Sniithers girl
Brown Rather! Why, I can re
member when she was such a mod
est little thing. Piek-Me-Up.
"No use of talking," drawled the
freckled youth on the roadside
fence, "thar certainly is money in
"In the stock-raising business,
young man?" asked the tourist.
"No, not exactly, but an automo
bile ran over that spotted calf a few
minutes ago and the man with the
big spectacles got out and handed
me a $5 note."
"Five dollars? That's not so
much for a good-sized calf."
"Yes, but, mister, the calf wasn't
mine. Now, if I can only stand in
front of another calf while he gets
run over, I'll be right in it, be gosh."
RISE OF RUSSIA.
In the history of Europe clown to
the middle of the eighteenth cen
tury Russia is a blank. The founda
tion of the kingdom was laid by
Ruric the Norseman in the ninth
century. In the tenth century the
Russians were Christianized, adopt
ing the Greek form of Christianity.
In the thirteenth century the Rus
sians were completely overrun by
the Tartars under Garghiz Khan.
From the Tartars Russia was deliv
ered by Ivan, who became czar in
the time of Elizabeth. It was Peter
the Great (l(jiM?K5) who gave
Russia for the first time a place in
the states system of Europe.
THE FACETIOUS WAITER.
"Waiter, these are not likely
hoeky l'ord melons.
"How do you know, sir?"
"Why, by' looking at them."
"Von can tell in an easier way
than that, sir."
"By looking at the price."
Cleveland Plain Dealer'.
POWERFUL LIGHTING SYSTEM.
The Brooklyn (XV Y.) Edison
system is at the present time suj
plying the current equivalent of
l,.Vi(i,otlO lti-eandlc power' incan
AFRAID OF CONSEQUENCES.
Dg-IIater (tremulously) See
here, sir, will that, dog bite me?
Dog Owner (scornfully) Do you
suppose he has no instinct of self
prenervation? ON THE JOB.
Gerald Will vou marrv nie?
Geraldine Yes, but I shall want
time to change my dress.
How the Problem Was Solved for All
'Time by the Caliph Haroun al
Senator La Follette, at a dinner dur
ing the tariff debates, illustrated a
statement with a story.
"The Caliph Haroun al Raschkl," he
said, "bad once to wrestle with a
meat trust in Bagdad.
"Beef for some reason, got a little
scarce, and Immediately all the butch
ers met in secret conclave and doubled
their prices. Nasreddin, a million
aire, was the head of this trust.
"The caliph beard all about the
trust from his grand vazler. He said
nothing. But, a day or so later, he in
vited all the Bagdad butchers to the
"The butchers, knowing their cal
iph's vulgar love for the common peo
ple, went to him with fear and trem
bling. Hut he greeted them with kind
words, and, lo, In the great marble
hall a superb feast was spread. The
caliph, ere he left the room, waved
them graciously to table.
"They ate heartily. The meat
:oures was particularly good. Where,
though, was Nasreddin, Nasreddin, the
millionaire organizer of their trust?
"As they by turns praised the meat
and asked one another where Nasred
din could be, the caliph returned. His
aspect now was stern.
" 'Where,' he said from bis dais, 'Is
Nasreddin, O butchers?'
"Silence. No one knew. The cal
iph frowned as black as a thunder
cloud. "'Nasreddin,' he roared, 'Is here.
You have Just eaten him. Go home
and reduce the price of meat, or your
fate will be as his!'
"And since that day trusts have
been unknown la Bagdad."
SHARES BOSTON'S BEAN FAME
New York and Boston Products Differ
Mostly as to Color of Cooked
There are beans and beans. Boston
baked beans, of course, have come to
be revered as one of the distinctive
Institutions of our country, their fame
being International. It is an old say
ing that "you have to go away to And
out what has happened at home," and
it Is entirely probable that few New
Yorkers are aware of the fact that
there are New York beans. A traveler
discovered the bean representatives
of the two cities on a bill of fare in a
Philadelphia restaurant the other day.
He was curious enough to ask the
waitress what was the difference be
tween the two.
She was plainly surprised at the
question. "Why, Boston beans are
brown," she explained, "and New
York beans are white."
She could not explain, however, why
white beans should have the New
York label attached. But she volun
teered the Information that there were
almost as many calls for New York
beans as Boston, such requests com
ing mostly from persons who were
from out of town and possibly had an
Idea that New York beans had a little
more "class," a little more metro
politan flavor, as It were, thaa the
far-famed Boston product.
Condemns Sunihine Fad.
A well-known medical man con
demns emphatically the form of vani
ty that leads people on their holidays
to do their utmost to get sunburned.
"Workers in city offices," he says,
"who go into the country or to the
seashore for only one or two weeks
will deliberately sit about hatless In
the blazing sun, so that they may
come back looking brown and healthy.
As often as not this practice will send
them home far less fit for work than
they were when the y started, for
even if one escapes sunstroke the ef
fects of the sun's rays upon the un
covered head are very bad. They
will cause dizziness, headache, nausea
and loss of appetite and will often up
set the digestive system for many
days. There are ways of avoiding the
more serious effects of the sun, but
personally I would advise the city
dweller who must have a brown face
to stain it with walnut Juice and wear
a broad-brimmed hat like a sane and
America, too, will have to strain Its
energies, to crack its sinews and all
but break its heart, as the rest of us
have had to do, in the thousandfold
wrestle with the pythons and mud
demons, before It can become a hab
itation for the gods. America's bat
tle Is yet to fight; and we, sorrowful,
though nothing doubting, will wish
her strength for it. New Spiritual Py
thons, as ugly as were ever born out
of mud, loom huge and hideous out of
the twilight Future on America; and
she will have her own agony, and her
own victory, but on other terms than
she is yet quite aware of. Thomas
Would Be Better, Indeed.
"Does the higher education unfit
man for domestic life?" la a subject
that is being discussed in the east
The general opinion seems to be that
It would be better If men were bettei
educated, at any rate, if they were
so educated that they could Improve
their wives' minds a little. The nar
row point of view of men Is respon
alble for much wedded unhapplness.
"I would like mightily to enjoy
"Then why don't you try to marry
"As 1 said, 1 want to enjoy 'em"
Spends Millions of Dollars Annually
to Teach Improved Methods of
The department of agriculture is
maintained by the United States at
an expense of $11,000,000 annually
to discover and teach improved
methods of farming, says a writer in
the Delineator. Co-operating with
it are (ill state agricultural colleges
with free tuition. And a further
important feature of the system is
some 4,000 farmers' institutes, by
which the classroom is taken to the
fields wherever 50 farmers will gath
er together to hear lectures and ex
perts. Sometimes these institutes
are sent on wheels; a railroad train
is chartered and an entire equip
ment for demonstration purposes
placed aboard, accompanied byjior
tieulturists, entomologists and bot
anists. At each little station a halt
is made while the lecturers from the
rear platform address the crowd that
gathers round. Such are the "corn
specials" of Nebraska and Iowa, the
"wheat special" of Washington and
the "fruit train" of Idaho.
China is the great snutr-taking
country of the world, and there is a
snuff there worth the theoretical
fancy price of $1,000,000 a pound,
which is handed round at the great
banquets. Its high value comes in
this way. The rich Cliinamen buy
the bulk of their snuff from Portu
gal, where there are families owning
private old-time recipes, who sell
their snutl at from .$250 to $.50 a
pound to the Chinese. Then the
Chinaman keeps it many years, and,
the legal rate of interest being 3"i
per cent, per annum, its theoretical
value soon increases. The Chinese
carry it in beautiful bottles of
porcelain and Hgate, miracles of art,
which are worth from two dollars to
After dinner at the cafe the bach
elor had invited the crowd to his
apartment for a little music, etc.
They were looking around.
"Lovely," said the pretty girl,
"but vou have no kitchenette. Hotf
in the world do you do without a
"It is a great privation," he said,
"but we manage to worry along fair
ly well. We've got a boozerette, you
"Hi, Bill; don't ennie clown this
ladder, 'tisn't there."
"I'm sure," sobbed the bri&
"that George only married me for
"Wliv, daughter, what make9 vou
"He brought company home for
dinner last night and refused to
wipe the dishes for me."
EVIDENTLY A CONNOISSEUR.
"Biggins is a connoisseur in ci
gars." "He must be. Otherwise he might
mike an occasional mistake and
give away a good one."
Lady Don't you get fearfully
11 rod of doing nothing?
Tramp Terrible. But I never
ouiplains. Everybody has their
MIGHT BE MISTAKEN.
He1 Do you take me for a fool?
Slit; No; but my judgment i9
not infallible. Boston Transcript.
Newa Dispatches Credit New York
Woman with What Seema Abso
lute Limit of Silliness.
The most luxurious kitten in Lon
don is a litile pink Persian, which
recently sat for its photograph in
the studio of a well-known animal
photographer, wearing a gold crown
on its head and a gold ordr around
its neck, says the Mail.
The pink Persian came from
Windsor castle, and now belongs to
Mrs. Anita Comfort Brooks, presi
dent of the Gotham club of New
York, who is on a visit to liondon.
This crowned kitten enjoys a per
fumed bath every morning, and one
tot its favorite pastimes is to paw
the keys of a grand piano.
"I was the lirst cat lover to
think of giving a cat diamond ear
rings," said Mrs. Brooks the other
clay. "Bangles and necklaces had
become so very hackneyed, and I
wanted my cat to be unlike anyone
else's. So I lad the ears of a beauti
ful blue Maltese pierced, and bought
my cat a pair of line diamond ear-
RECOVER GOLD FILINGS.
A small carpet in the San Fran
cisco mint is worth more than its
weight in gold, and is to be burned
in order that the precious metal
filings that have been sprinkling it
for several years may be recovered.
The carpet is in the adjusting room,
where files are used to trim surplus
gold from coins after they are
stamped. It frequently happens
that a piece of overweight falls to
the floor and becomes emlcdded in
the grain of the carpet, and it is
nothing unusual for the government
to get a thousand dollars' worth of
gold dust out of the ashes resulting
from the burning of one of the floor
coverings. The floor-sweepings are
treasured with the utmost care.
DIVORCE BY MESSENGER.
The Jewish women in Russia have
presented their first petition to the
douma. In this petition they beg
that the legislation be enacted to
prevent husbands from sending
their wives a bill of divorce by mes
senger. As things are now, a He
brew husband can divorce his wife,
with the consent of the rabbi, by
giving her a bill of divorcement. If
the wife does not wish to lie di
vorced she can refuse to take the
pajtcr, and it does not become valid
without her acceptance. When the
bill is sent by a messenger the wife,
not knowing what the paper is, has
no means of protecting herself.
JUST WHAT HE NEEDED.
"Reginald, dear, you puckered up
your lips just then as if you were
going to kiss me," said the beautiful
creature languorously, as she lay
stretched on the beach surveying the
frolics of Neptune.
"I intended to," replied Reginald
hesitatingly, "but I seem to have got
some sand in my mouth."
"For heaven's sake swallow it,"
exclaimed the young lady. "You
need it badly in your system !"
He had not been brought up in
the haunts of the wealthy, conse
quently his first experience of close
contact with those fascinating crea
tures had left him, so to speak, gasp
ing. His friends gathered about
him, seeking details.
"Are those new friends of yours
so verv rich ?" he was asked.
" R ieh ? Bieh ? Why, boys," here
he lowered his voice to an awed whis
per, "they keep a complete set of
"I'm going to lick Smith 1"
"He said I was a horsethief and
"Did he prove it?"
"Then let well enough alone and
don't get him any madder." Clevo
Little Girl Papa would like to
borrow your lawn mower.
Subbubs Tell your father I'm
sorry, but I've made a rule never tc
let it go off my premir i. But if
he'd like to use it on our lawn it's
at his disposal any time. Boston
Physiclan'a Delicate Manner of Re
fusing Poor Patient's Act of
Dr. Robert Glynn-Clobery, a de
lightful old character described in .
''Ji'eminisccnces of Cambridge," wassr
a fellow of King's college, where he
resided. During a long illness he at
tended a poor man, of whose family
party a pert, talkative magpie made;
one, and as the patient observed that
Dr. Glynn-Clobery always, when'
paying a visit, had some joke with
(he bird, he thought that perhaps
the doc tor might like to possess it.
Accordingly, when the pur man
was well again, with overflowing
gratitude, but with no money to pay
a bill, he thought he could do nn
better than make his kind friend a.
present of the magpie; and so the
prisoner in its cage was conveyed to
his rooms in King's college.
The bearer met with a kind re
ception, but was desired to carry
the bird back with him.
"I cannot," said the doc tor, "take
so eood care of it ns can von : but T
suau consider it mine, ami i entrust
it to you to keep for me; and as
long as it lives I will pay you half a
crown weekly for its maintenance."
STEAMBOAT CELEBRATIONS. !
k So gradual was the extension of
steam navigation in this country that
it has been figuredout that if the com
munities particularly benefited by it
are so disposed, celebrations of the
"first steamboat" can be continued
until 1939. Pittsburg, Pa., may
lead off in 1911 with the centennial
of the launching of the first steam
vessel put in Bervice west of the
Alleghanies. New Orleans, Oswego,
Natchez and finally St. Louis and
Chicago can continue the series of
centennials. In fact, if the world is
centennial-minded and has not lost
its interest in the history and ro
mance of the steamship, the celebra
tions can be kept up practically an
other century. As it is the way of
the world, however, to lose interest
almost as rapidly as it acquiresjt,
it is probable that observances wTH.
be limited to the larger cities and to 1
incidents easily lending themselves
to spectacular representation.
A SEASIDE DIALOGUE. ,
He (feeling his way) I I wish
we were good friends enough for
you to call me by my lirst name.
She (helping- him along) Oh,
your last name is good enough foi
BEATING MRS. LOT.
"It was not so very wonderful
that when I;ot's wife looked hack
she turned into a pillar of salt."
"Not a very wonderful thing to
have happened in the age of nijia
cles, perhaps, but nothing so won
derful happens in these prosaic
"Oh, I don't know; we were go
ing out Main street last evening and
when my chauffeur looked back he
turned into a telegraph pole."
Mother When I gave each of you
boys an orange, Johnnie, you said
you would not eat yours before din
ner and you, Arthur, said the same.
Have you deceived me?
Johnnie No, ma; we didn't eat
our own oranges. I ate Arthur's
and he ate mine.
LONG DISTANCE PICTURES.
Prof. Korn of Munich has estab
lished stations of distance photog
raphy at Berlin. Munich T;iri.
" ' " J
London, Copenhagen and Stock
holm. He believes it will soon blV
jKissible to take pictures at a dis
tance, not only of individuals but of
groups and scenes. ' -
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