in the emsp
ANOTHER
of-ill
it'
BED
CURED
WTi a. .
WOMAN
EDWARD B. CLARKE
da
1'IE RED TAPE trust ought to
be rich. Its mills are kept run
ning overtime to supply tho
Washington demand. Tho com
mittees on claims are tied up
In red tapo and any claimant
gets his legs tangled up In it
before be has progressed a foot.
The tape Is of the right color; it
turns to anarchy the thoughts
of the claimant who tries
through the disappointing yenra
to thread tho devious courso of
its windings.
The house of representatives
once had submitted to it by the
members of the committee on claims a report
recommending that Major LawBon M. Fuller
of the army be paid for some articles many
articles In fact which tho government lost for
blm nine years ago.
An army officer's pay is small nt the best,
and ten years ago, when Major Fuller's bo
longings wero lost, his pay wa8 somewhat
mailer than It is to day. Nevertheless, he had
to expend $1,323. 3.r, as he could save It from
time to time, to replace tho absolutely neces
sary articles which were lost "without fault
or neglect on his part and with equitable re
sponsibility by the United States," as the find
ing of one of tho investigating officials had It.
Major Fuller's belongings comprised pretty
nearly everything that lie had in tho world,
from "one pair of Romeo slippers" to a civilian
dress suit, "evening, satin lined," "one sack
suit from New York" and "one sack suit from
Baltimore." The major made affidavit that ev
ery article enumerated in tho list of his losses
"was necessary and would have been used hnd
the consignment ever reached its destination."
Tho consignment went to the bottom of tho
sea with the wreckage of tho transport Mor
gan. The major added to his affidavit the
statement that every article would be replaced
as soon as he was financially able to replace it.
The goods were lost 10 years ago. A glance
at the army pay tablo makes it appear that by
the practice of rigid economy Major Fuller by
this time may have succeeded In duplicating
bis wardrobe of the Into nineties.
The end Is not yet. The committee on
claims, after many years, reported Major Ful
ler's cose favorably to the house. The house
was busy with other things. It is not hard for
the representatives to ovei ook claims. They
are used to it and hardened to it. Then the
senate must act and finally tho president. Ma
jor Fuller may get his money at a tltno coinci
dent with his retirement at the age limit, and
he Is yet a young man.
There Is no means at this present moment
of finding out whether Casper H. Conrad, of
the Third United States cavalry, has succeed
In finally wresting from Uncle Sam's grasp
$32.85, which the usually amiable uncle took
from the officer's pay practically by force of
arms some 10 years ago. At last accounts the
cavalryman was still pegging away trying to
get his money back, for it belonged to hltn and
no one has ever Intimated that it did not be
long to him, but claims proceedings are greater
laggards in their pare than were the Jarndyco
proceedings In chancery.
If Cnpt. Conrad has not recovered his $32.83
he is still hopeful, for the most hopeful peoplo
on earth are those who have claims, and the
deferring of hope seemingly never makes their
hearts sick. This is one of tlui compensations
which nature grants to offset the Iniquities of
claims proceedings in congress.
Capt. Conrad, as an acting quartermaster,
paid $32.83 extra duty money to curtain en
listed men. A government regulation which
has existed for years authorized, In fact or
dered, the captain to pay tho money. After
he had paid It he found that the government
had revoked the extra-pay regulation, but no
one had seen fit to notify the quartermasters of
the change.
Uncle Sam Immediately stopped $32.85 out
of Capt. Conrad's pay and practically told him
that he should have known lu Bomo mysterious
way that the government had an order stowed
away in a vault somewhere to the effect that
extra-duty pay had been cut out.
Conrad comes of an army family and ho
stuck to his trt of getting his money back
from the goveiii.fcmt like a good fighter, and
ho is sticking at it to day, unless within a very
short time the almost Impossible has hap
pened and his money has been returned to him.
It took him five years to get permission
from the secretary of 'Jrar, the licutenaut-cen-
rr
V
oral of tho army and the
quartermaster-general to
make tho attempt to get a
bill passed by congress to
reimburse him for the
pocket-picking outrage per
petrated by Uncle Sam. Ho
had to do a lot of work be
fore ho succeeded In reach
ing the action permission
stage of the proceedings.
To be sure there was only
$32.83 in money Involved, but
the principle was worth
something, and the soldier
who won't fight for a prin
ciple won't fight well for
anything else.
Of course only a part,
very likely a small part, of
the claims entered against
the government have Justice
as a basis. In order to find
out the truth of things tho
government occasionally is
obliged to spend many times
the amount of money in
volved. One of tho most curious
claim cases ever known to
congress wus that of Senora
Feliciana Mendlola, who
lived at Angeles, Fampanga,
Philippine islands. The Se
nora rented a house to Un
cle Sam for the use of some
of his tenmsters. When the
mule-driving contingent
moved out of the house after
a short occupancy tho se
nora declared under onth
that some of the siding
boards wero missing from
the kitchen wall, and she
asked for $200 In gold to re
pay her for the damage to
her property.
This case of Senora Fellel
' ana Mendlola fills 14 pages
of a house of representatives
document. It contains a
long letter from the secre
tary of war on the question
of the value of kitchen sid
ings, another letter from the
quartermaster-general of the
United States and D3 com
munications from army offi
cers and civilians of various
ranks and conditions.
A bonrd of officers was
convened to pass on the va
lidity of tho scnora's claim.
The board was In session tnr
days, many of Its members coming from a
ong distance to attend. One teamster. Wil
liam langworthy by name, swore that the se
nora a kitchen sidings were chewed up and
eaten by red ants. Teamster Summervillo
swore that in his opinion the boards dropped
out of place by their own weight. Teamster
PIcklo said: "Them boards was punk"
The army board which sat on the enso
thought It was very doubtful In strict Justice
If Senora Feliciana should be allowed nny
money, but finally (he members granted her
the sum of $30 In gold. This action, of course,
was not final, but the committees on war
claims In house and senate approved the find
Ings. The senora received $30 and doubtless It
gave her some satisfaction to know that Uncle
Sam had spent about $1,000 to get authority
to pay for a kitchen siding which went to de
struction either by way of a teamster's foot
or a red ant's stomach.
The Inventor' Rocky Road.
There comes to Washington occasionally a
man who perfected an Invention, an engine of
war. which is now in use by nearly every civi
lized government on tho face of the earth, In
cluding tho government of tho United States.
This man recently talked reminlscently. Ho
said some things In the course of bis conver
sation which may be Interesting to Inventors
present and prospective, and which may also
dishearten those of them who have not wills,
physiques and courage of iron.
It must bo remembered, of course, that this
Inventor is a man who finally made good and
who to-day talks from the hilltop of success.
Ho said:
"Let every man know If be has an Inven
tion In which he beliovs and Id which ha
I
i i i
'I.
ik ' ; l m ill
iff inn
i'i'i
trusts thnt the government will find merit
that he must prepare himself at tho outset to
be treated In turn like an Imbecile, a lunatic
and n criminal by tho department officials to
whom he tries to present his ideas.
"Every inventor who enters n department
of the United S.utes government with a view
to interesting the officials in something which
may bo and often proves to be of servlco to
the government is set down ns a matter of
course as an idiot. This is at tho outset.
There Is in most of the departments, nnd cer
tainly In the one with which 1 had to do busi
ness, a set of officials whose business It Is to
get rid of inventors and to get rid of them
without loss of politeness and without loss of
time.
"The regular plan Is to pass the Inventor
from one to another, each one having an in
creased chilliness of manner, but yet wearing
the semi-indulgent smile with which one listens
to the prattle of a child known to be mentally
deficient.
May Never Return.
"The last official gets rid of the inventor,
who. if ho, has not an Indomitable persever
unce and a mental poise which enables him be
cause of nn Inner consciousness of right to
overlook insult, goes away probably never to
return, and the chances are that becauso of
tho sensitiveness of somo men this govern
ment has lost to its uso many Inventions
which would have added to Its power.
"Tho second stage of tho inventor's pro
gress, for I am speaking only of thoso who
make progress, Is thnt of the lunatic, for so
he comes to bo viewed. The Idiot Is practi
cally harmless and may bo treated as a child:
tho lunatic is apt to bo dangerous, and so when
the liwator, conscious of the worth of bis in-
Jti, 'K
vention, perseveres In attempting to
see the officials, he is looked upon as
tho man with 'a glitter In his eye,' and
the blue-coated officials with police au
thority are given warning that he Is
not to bo admitted to the presence of
official greatness.
"Occasionally Influence, which the
real Inventor hates to bring to bear, en
ables him to get an audience with the
highest official in the department. He
has reached the criminal stage by this
timn, for he has taken to the chief that
which courtesy and custom require
should have been taken to the under
ling. "The three stages of suspicion are
gone through again by the persistent
Inventor imbecile, lunatic and crimi
nal aud occasionally his persistence
wins out, for in passing through the
degrees he may happen to hit upon
some official, also regarded as a lunatic
by his colleagues, who takes In that
which other lunatics produce.
"Such was my case, and I won out.
The officials today who treated me
with something worse than scorn are
taking credit to themselves for discov
ering the merit in that which I had to
offer.
Different in Europe.
"On the continent of Europe things
nro different. There the inventor la
not treated as if he were fresh from an
asylum for the feeble-minded, but Is
turned over at once to the official
whose duty it Is to examine such
things as he has to offer, and the exam
ination proceeds forthwith. Tho conti
nental governments take interest in ev
erything that is new, especially If It
pertains to warfare, nnd the Inventor is
treated like what he is In most cases
a gentleman. The United States gov
ernment when It gets a thing gets it
by nccldent after having exhausted ev
ery means likely to discourage a man
whoso brain has produced that which
finally is found worthy by those who
had met it at the outset with a sneer."
It may be after all that truth Is
stranger than fiction, though people are
given to a doubt of the old saying.
After hearing of what this inventor had
said, a character In one of Charles
Dickens' novels came to mind and I
looked him up to refresh the memory.
Tho American said that the continental
European governments were Interested
in all the schemes of Inventors. He
said nothing about Great Britain. It
may be that Edward's government has
reformed, but in "Llttlo Dorrlt." as
anyone may And who chooses to look, Daniel
Doyce, Mr. Meaglc's friend, had an experience
with officialdom much like that of the yankee.
Of Doycc Mr. Meagle said:
"This Doyce is a smith nnd engineer. . . .
A dozen years ago ho perfected an invention
(involving a very curious secret process) of
great importance to his country and his fellow
creatures. I won't say. how much It cost him,
or how many years of his life he had been
about It, but he brought it to perfection a
dozen years ago. . . .
Becomes a Culprit.
"He addresses himself to the government.
The moment he addresses himself to the gov
ernment, he becomes a public offender! . . .
He ceases to be an Innocent citizen and be
comes a culprit. Ho is treated from that
instant ns a man who has done some Infernal
action. Ho Is a man to be shirked, put off,
brow-beaten, sneered at, handed over by this
highly connected young or old gentleman to
that highly connected young or old gentleman,
and dodged back again; he 1b a man with no
lights in his own time, or his own property;
a mere outlaw, whom it is Justifiable to get
rid of anyhow; a man to be worn out by any
possible means."
Tho Inventor who had some things to say
about the manner In which he was treated by
tho American department officials when he
asked them humbly to look at his Invention
6tated also that once upon a time he had an
appointment with a cabinet officer and that
ho waited beyond tho time set for two hours
before he had his interview, which lasted less
than ono minute.
It must be borne in mind thnt this was
some years ago nnd no present cabinet official
is Implicated.
It might also be borne In mind by present
officials that nt least six governments of the
world are each spending millions of dollars
annually In adding to their store of weapons
of offense and defense the Invention which
this man had perfected years before he could
get the officials of the government of his own
country to look upon it with anything that
even smacked of interest.
By Lydia E.Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound
Gardiner, Maine. "I have been a
peat sufferer from organic troubles
and a severe female
weakness. The
-pn. - X I doctor said I would
It f have to go to the
operation, but I
could not bear to
think of it 1 de
cided to try Lydia
E. llnkham's Vcr
etable Compound
and Sanative Wash
and was entirely
cured after three
months' use of them." Mrs. S. A.
Williams. R. F. D. Ko. 11, Box 39,
Gardiner, Mo.
No woman should submit to a surgi
cal operation, which may mean death,
until she has given Lydia E.Pinkhani's
Vegetable Compound, made exclusive
ly from root3 and herbs, a fair trial.
This famous medicine for women
has for thirty years proved to be tho
most valuable tonic and renewer of
the femalo organism. Women resid
ing In almost every city and town in
the United States bear willing testi
mony to the wonderful virtuo ot Lydia
E. llnkham's Vegetable, Compound.
It cures female ills, and creates radi
ant, buoyant femalo health. If you
are ill, for your own sake as well as
those you love, give it a trial.
Mrs. Pinkham, at Lynn, Mass.,
Invites all sick women to writo
her for advice. Her advice Is free
and always helpful
New Ceyser in Yellowstone Park.
For a few days past there have been
Indications of an eruption of some
kind near the Fountain hotel lu Yel
lowstone park, says a dispatch from
Mammoth Hot Springs, Wyo. Now a
new and magnificent geyser has bro
ken out in full force about 1 00 feet
north of the regular Fountain geyser
near Fountain hotel. This new geyser,
which does not appear to affect any of
the others In that vicinity, played to a
height of 150 to 200 feet, throwing off
Immense quantities of hot water, mud
and steam. The new geyser does not
play regularly as does Old Faithful,
but at short intervals, the eruptions
occurring five or six hours apart, and
lasting about one hour.
Many Were fn the Same Boat.
According to the Saturday Evening
Post, this Is a story heard with much
glee by congress during the last days
of the Roosevelt administration:
During tho recent cold spell In
Washington, a man, shivering and
tagged, knocked at the door of a F
street bouse and said to the lady
"Please, madam, give me sometblnt
to eat. I am suffering severely from
exposure."
"You must be more specific." the
lady replied. "Are you a member of
the senate or of the house?"
Joke Medicine.
He Is a very practical, serious
minded man of business. The other
day he met a friend, and related to
him an alleged joke, and at its con
clusion laughed long and heartily.
The friend looked awkward for a
moment, and then said:
"You'll have to excuse me, old man,
but I don't see the point."
"Why, to tell you the truth, I don't
Juts see the point myself. Rut I've
mfc.de It a rule to laugh at all jokes;
I think it's good for the health."
Editorial Amenities.
Editor Junkin of the Sterling Bulle
tin has red hair. Editor Cretcher of
the Sedgwick Pantngraph has no hair
at all.
"Mac," asked Junkin, "how did you
lose your hair?"
"It was red and 1 pulled it out,"
growled Cretcher. Everybody's.
Hlxon "Did the operation on your
wife's throat do her good?" Dixon
"It did us both good. She hasn't been
able to talk for six weeks." Boston
Herald.
fmsm
ft
!Z5
'Guam
When You're Hoarse Use
CURE
wt ust mmi tor (gutus.;
Gives Immediate relief. The firrl
dose relieves your aching throat and
allays the irritation. Guaranteed lo
contain t opiates. Very palatable.
AD DruiiUto, 1 5c
- hit
