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About The news-herald. (Plattsmouth, Neb.) 1909-1911 | View Entire Issue (June 3, 1909)
HHH-H-H-H-X-H- THOSE DEAR GIRLS 0 V Y ? ? t ? ? ? ? ? v t ? ? t ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? t Y t t ? Y Y Y sun IIS or (DOUBLE ROLLS) Worth up to 35 cents a Bolt, from the H. E. Weld man stock, all in good con dition, your choice for 10 A BOLT AT mil 0 One Door West of Fanner's. Y Y v t ? Y v t v f Y v Y Y v f ? Y v t ? V t Y v STRONG FLIGHTS OF ORATORY. AND THE RUDE CROWD AT THE TICKET OFFICE. The Smocth Way. In the last generation TyW Cobb, i was a well kr..)wn c:t lz-ii of N'..rth H: id.?ewat-r now Brockton M.issael.usf its. He was famou3 throughout Plymouth count v. s:is a contributor In I he ll,.r.in Herald, for i f this: "All along tha ever flowing liis witty retorts ami dry humor. I Examples of Mixed Metaphors Calcu lated to Cause a Smile. An amateur historian la responsible Ago of Chivalry Surely Dead When Men Object to Missinj Their Trains to Accommodate Fair Femininity. Mis Photographic Plates Spoiled. A now York photographer recently An Instantaneous Cure During the rattle plague of 180G In learned, to his sorrow, that the gas j England a farmer who had lout a niim mantle emits a ray. lie had stortd ; ber of his cows grew so depressed that nway a large number of plates In a ,0 fy persuaded hlmseir he had al dark place and Inadvertently left a so contracted the disease. The niedl gas mantlo near the plates. They re- ral man whom he consulted tried !n mained In the place for a month, and vain to laugh him out of his fears, when the photographer took his plates . t,iit subsequently, being fond of a out he found all of them fogged. The j,,, pretended to agree with the pa mantle contained thorium, a radio-1 tleiit's views, and solemnly told him active subRtanco that penetrates a cttrdbonrd plate box as easily as It goes through glass. The man didn't know this, but now he knows better than to leave gas mantles near hid plates. Luxuries. Luxuries are those possessions "Which aro enjoyed chiefly and almost solely because other people do not have them. All other possessions aro necessities. If every one were a Standard Oil magnate, it would be an Insufferable bore, and It is getting to bo almost that anyway. Luxuries do not connoto comfort. On the con trary, they connote litter, Indigestion, gout and lassitude. Comfort comes only from necessities Ufe. If he would attend to his Instructions he would bo cured. He then gave the farmer a prescription, which he directed should be taken to a neigh boring druggist, but when the latter op"f.ed the envelope and rend the con rents he was as much startled as the farmer. For the prescription was ns follows: "This man lias the cattle plague. Take him Into the backyard and shoot him, according to act of j parliament." Needless to gay, the ' cure was Instantaneous. Wisdom In Old Adages. "Strike when the Iron is hot" and "keep it hot by striking. "Take time "while time Is, for time will away." the English say. The Spanish proverb laa It: "When the fool has made up Tils mind the market has gone by." The old Latins said: "Opportunity has hair in front, behind sho is bald; It you scire her bytho forelock, you may hold her; but if suffered to escape, not Jupiter himself can catch her again." Interesting Analysis of Snow. The London Lancet once made an analysis of London snow on a week day and on a Sunday. Tho SuncY Enow showed roughly a fifth of the amount of impurities present In tho neeltday snow. But the most signi ficant difference was that while tha weekday t-now contained ns much :is 2,ofi grains of sulphuric acid In (en pounds tho Sunday snow contained practically r.one. Investing In Nature. A man must Invest, himself near at h?.H, and In common things, and bn content with a steady and moderate return. If he would know the blessed ness of a cheerful heart and the sweet ness of a walk over the round earth. This is a lesson the American has yet to learn capability of amusement on a low key. He expects rapid and ex traordinary returns. He would make tho very elemental laws pay usury. He has nothing to Invest In a walk; it Is too slow, too cheap. We crave the astonishing, the exciting, the far away, and do not know tho highways of the goila when we see them always a sign of the decay of faith and sim plicity of man. John Burroughs. Where Nell Gwynne Lived. Trent house, standing on the banks Kt the River Brent at Brentford, which was oneo the resilience of Nell Gwynne, Is about to make way for two modern villas. While residing there Nell Gwynne often entertained Charles II., and It Is said that ha once rode his horse up the grout oak slalrcnso. London Daily News. Worldly Wisdom. As there Is a worldly happiness which God perceives to bo no more than disguised misery; as there aro worldly honors which in his estima tion nre reproach, so there Is" a world ly wisdom which in his sight Is fool ishness. Of this worldly wisdom the characters are Riven In the Scriptures, j and placed In contrast with those of tho wisdom which Is from above. The one is the wisdom of the crafty, the other that of the upright; the one terminates In selfishness, the other In charity; the one Is full of strife and bitter cnvylr.gs, tho other of mercy and of good fruits. Blair. Small Scale Love. Dr. Pierce Underbill, whose hook on divorce and marriage is to appear next month In Indianapolis, delivered a lec turo on divorce recently In a fashion aide Indianapolis church. "Kxtravagance," he began, "is one ut the Mr causes of divorce. My cous in, a bnnk clerk, married a pretty jc!rl and took her home to a nice little tat. But she frowned and bit her Up. "Oh, Jack.' she Bald, 'I can't llvs la a tiny fiat like this!' "You don't love me when you say thai, darling,' said my cousin. -"Oh, yea 1 do, but not on such a araall ncale.'" Bean Milk. 'Tlgeon milk is a myth." said a milkman, "but there actually is a bean milk. It Is drunk, put In tea and cof fee, and even frozen fur ice cream. The Japs are Its Inventors. This milk Is made of the Sofa bean. Tlie bean Is first soaked, then boiled in water. After the liquid turns white sugar and phosphate of potash nre added, and the boiling is kept up till a subJianee of tho thickness of molasses is ob tained. Nobody could tell this bean milk from condensed milk, and when water Is ndd'M It can't be told from the fresh. Tho Japanese poor uso uothlng else." , ; It was one of tlrj branch unices of a ! Dig railroad. As the man ahead of h t ' llierw down hi money, grabbed his ( ticket and disappeared, she fluttered j up to the counter. "I want to get my trunk checked, please." "Let mo see your ticket, miss." "(), Clare, we forgot to get my ticket." turning to the girl with her. "So we did. Now we will have to go all the way back." "You can get your ticket here, miss." "O, Clare, I can gvl my ticket here. Un't it lovely?" "Just happened to have a few odd lota on hand," grinned some brute bit 'jlnd her. "It's bargain day, you know. All tickets reduced to 1.!I8!" "What does that rudo creature mean, t lare .' "I don't know, dear. Don't pay any attention to him." "Where to, miss?" Inquired the ticket agent at this point "New York." "Round trip?" "O, I wait a moment. Clare, I oevor thought about that. Would you get a round trip? You know the How ards may only be In New York a week, and 1 may go on with them to Pitts burg. They have been begging me to for weeks, but If Mabel's wedding should come off by the 30th, I'll want to go to that. I shouldn't be a bit sur prised though If she postponed It again, but " "Round trip, miss?" asked the ticket agent again, while the waiting line of men und women btood on the other foot. "O, Clare, what would you do? I urn wild to go to Pittsburg with the Howards " "And we are wild to have you go," suddenly yelled a man at the ex;rome end of the line, whose train left in 20 minutes. "Try Pittsburg," yelled another voice. "You have to chang9 every thing there every hour or so, and you can Include your mind without any ex tra inconvenience." "Oh. no," shrieked another frantic Individual, "go to Mab'd's wedding. I nm dying to have you go. What, Ma bel?" "Clare, did you ever see such dread ful people. I shall report you at the main olllce." and she glared at the ticket agent. "Yes, miss," returned that Individual In an expressionless voice. "Round trip?" "No, single," haughtily. r "What time? The next call la be tween 11 and 12" "Oh, my trunk Isn't packed yet. 1 could never get It ready In that t ime.' "Next call between 3 and 4." "Very well, have the man call for my trunk at 3, tlua 1 can take the 2 o'clock train." "You would not have your check mis?" "Why not? I can g :t the check when the man comes for my trunk." "But you won't be there If you go on tha 2 o'clock train and he doesn't come until 3." "Oh." A long pause. "Clare, I won't bo there. What shall I do? Do you think I could get my trunk ready by 12? You know they never come when they say they will." "I think you could, dear. I'll pack one tray for you and we'll phone for Helen to come and help us, and " "Say, look here," shouted an excited person In the rear, whose hair was standing wildly on end and whose eyes appeared to be endeavoring to sever their connecting links with his face. "I've got Just 20 minutes to make my train In, and It's a matter of $40,000 to mo if I lose It. Now if 'Clara' and her friend will retire for a few moments and decide the?e mo mentous questions the rest of u.i can et our tickets before she has tlmo to rhange her mind aguln." "Clare, I'll not stay here another moment and be Insulted. I shall not ;..et my ticket at this office, and I shall certainly report you, sir, at headquar ters. I will never go on this road again and I shall tell all my friends how I have been treated, and see that they take their custom elsewhere." and then she and Clare swept haught ily from the ofllce, while the crowd cheered. As the two disappeared the ticket agent winked at the crowd, and then began throwing out tickets and mak ing change, as each man yelled his destination, tossed him his money and snatching his ticket sprinted out of the door with his coat tails standing out straight and his suit case cutting long streaks out of the utnioapUere. Puck. Never having taken a sea trip. Mr. Colj!) one day conceived the idea of r. r.kir.g a voyage to New York. Ac coidlnuly he sidled from Boston ia a sn.iill st hoi tier. The fit st day cut a storm was en countered i.nd Mr. Cob! became vio I i : 1 1 v,U-k, but aft r several liui.ru ho L.ustued u;j coinage aiid .strength tc it.ol; cut i:pun the troubled waters. As he looked from the hide of the little s!iii up the trough of the sea. It ;u.'( med veiy smooth to him. The ia;i tain's cutting of the wavci was "sense Ileh." w told himself. But as this mad steering continued, the unhappy passenger finally crawled out, on hands and knees, to where the captain stood at the wheel, and rais ing his voice above the din of waves a:id wind, shouted: "Man, mat:, keep In the ruts, keep in the ruts!" Youth's Companion. mcnes ana He3i Wortn. Riches are for the comfort of Ufa, not life for the amassing of riches. I asked a wise man: "Who Is the for tunate and who is the unfortunate man?" He replied: "He Is the for tunate who sowed and the unfortunate who died rest. Offer no prayer in behalf of that worthless wretch who did nothing but spend his life in the accumulation Attractiveness. A magnetic personality Is often ' more powerful than ability, nnd Is ; often, very often, placed in the balance i against it. It is therefore advisable j to exert oneself to the utmost to cul ; tlvate that wonderful charm to the I highest degree, and Fhe who has It ( not Is not so much to be pitied as ; blamed, for it Is, more or less, wlthlu ; the reach of all. Woman's Life. tilu. The Human Family. The human family living on earth to-day consists of about 1.450,090,000 souls not fewer, probably more.' These are distributed literally all over the earth's surface, there being no considerable spot on the globe where man has not found a foothold. In Asia, the so-called "cradle of the human race," there are now about 800,000,000 people, densely crowded, or an av erage of about 120 to every square mile. In Europe there are 320.000,000, averaging 100 to the square mile, not so crowded as Asia, but everywhere dense, and in many places mer-popti- lated. In Africa there are 210,000,000; and In the Americas North, South and Central 110,000,000, these latter, of course, relatively thinly scattered over broad areas. On the Islands, large and small, there are probably 10,000,000 more. The extremes of the blacks and the whites are as five to three, the remaining 700,000,000 Inter mediate, brown, yellow and tawny In color. stream of history you can discern the fdlent fcotprinta of the crowned heads of Kuri,pe!" The village reportir on the de.ith of the village poet: "That dauntless i ot Wcalth which he used not. en shall write no s.iore,- for Us eyes nn closed forever!" From the speech of a rising young politician: "The llerce light of pub lic opinion shall dog their footsteps until it strangles them. Then shall they swallow the bitter pill and drink its very dregs." Advice and warning from a success ful man of business to a gathering of young people: "Kvery rung In the lad der of success Is paved with slippery stones, on which only the clear head and the steady hand can retain their footing!" The fearless suffragette was address ing a meeting of mere men. She had graphically related to them the fasci nating story of the strenuous struggle the ladies had made for that most priceless of possessions, a vote how every obstacle had been conquered and victory was at last In sight. "We have now," she shrieked, "almost crossed the trackless desert and the harbor lights are stretching out their arms to greet us!" The temperance advocate was giv ing a striking but a true picture of the vast amount of evil wrought by Hv demon of drink. "What is the grerfr est devastating agent of our time?" he asked. "It is the bottle, which smifes genially before your face while at the same time it is stabbing you in the back!" He Is the for reapod, and he jr Ld and enjoyed ' Girt In. It Is not to die, nor even to die of hunger, that makes a man wretched. Many men have died; all men must die. But It is to live miserable, we know not why; to work sore, and yet gain nothing; to he heart worn, weary, yet Isolated, unrelated, girt In with a cold, universal laissey falre. Thomas Carlyle. , Advice Worth Heeding. Do not wait, but begin to-morrow morning to be reliable and keep at it until reliability becomes a part of you Booker T. Washington. What Gifts to Give. The different wedding anniversaries and gifts appropriate are: First year, cotton; second, paper; third, leather; fifth, wooden; seventh, woolen; tenth, tin; twelfth, silk and fine linen; fif teenth, crystal; twentieth, china; twenty-filth, silver; thirtieth, pearl; fortieth, ruby; fiftieth, golden; seventy-fifth, diamond; eighty-fifth, radlutu. Cause of Baldr.ess. After considerable jocu'.ari'y tr-.e pair turned to the pearly-pnted stranger and one said: "My friend and I have ben discuss ing the cause cf baldness, but we can't seem to agree. Would you min i tell ing us what yon regard as the rea cause of baldness?" The stranger wheeled about, eyei; his questioners fi-r'xly and snorted: "Brains!" Where Nature Fa!l3 Short. Whiskers may conceal a receding chin, but there Is r.o help for a flat tened brow. Truth Versus Fiction. The mother-in-law Is generally kind and Indulgent; the landlady la more than solicitous about your welfare; the street-car conductor does not knock down fares: policemen do not go to sleep on their beats; there Is no such thing as a gentleman burglar. Think It over. And Equal Uselcssness. V.'ere- every pebble a ruby the and tne pebble would be of value. ruby equal New Use for Onions. A woman has cured her husband of a had attack of "affinititis" by feedins him on raw onions. His Suggestion. Tommle was about to have a chil dren's party. "Mother," he said thoughtfully, "It won't look well for me to bo stuffing myself when those other kids are here. How will It be If I eat my share before they come?" Harper's Bazar. No Cheap Grades. There are no varyin? degrees sincerity. of Result of Mince Pie Nightmare. After eating three pieces of mince T H A 1 ) w i r f Alton nf Chtr'fitm ,nn f t.W j..-, . f . . v ...... v., v tit. uu m in w 7 sleep, and, dreaming that a man hu was gambling with was cheating, he got his revolver, intending to shoot the gambler, but Instead fired a buljet Into his wife's head. L, 1Z If You Are Needing a 7 r DELIVER Y WA (iO.X We are offering a fine Top Delivery W&gon Worth 135 for OO It has 11-4 inch Axle and Wheels, has full wood panel sides nicely painted. Think of it. hcnifc nnd ns he did so It rolled along t& floor with a grinding rattle. Itefore he had time to turn around h heard tho old lady shout from the Tront of the store: "That makes mora t-cdse than my old one, and I don't raw to look at It," and so saying, she whisked out to tho door, leaving the iia!er to wonder whether the Joke was worth the loss of tho sale. Portland LxprcsB. Queer Kablts of Authors. Both Dumas nnd Balzac showed no Inclination to pass the wine-bottle. On the ortier hand. Voltaire drank huge quantities of coffee when engaged lil writing. As a matter of fart, over ln diligence In that beverage during a protracted literary effort was tho real tausB of his death. Schiller alsc urnnk coffee "to thaw the frost out o? his wits." but he fancied ImblUng tht Infusion while sented with his feet In hot water. This, he believed, stlmu lated his Imagination in sluggish moods, and he refreshed It durinp work by copious draughts from a flask of Rher.lsh wine. Things Undone. Knowing Child Mamma punished me for something 1 hadn't done yes terday. Auntie That's rather unjust. Are you sure? Knowing Child Yes, she punished me because 1 hadn't done my lea-sous. r 20E IOI I BUGGIES. GfRRIfGES, HARNESS. A.T A. BIG- SACRIFICE LOOK IN. A Soft Answer. '09 What did you tell your father when he asked you If you Indulged? '12 Told him t took only ginger ale. 'oa Thought a soft answer would turn awav vwatli. th? D R U M M ON D 18th and Harney Street, Omaha, Nebr. U I 21 Jib. sen