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About The news-herald. (Plattsmouth, Neb.) 1909-1911 | View Entire Issue (June 3, 1909)
HHH-H-H-H-X-H- THOSE DEAR GIRLS
Worth up to 35 cents a
Bolt, from the H. E. Weld
man stock, all in good con
dition, your choice for
A BOLT AT
One Door West of Fanner's.
STRONG FLIGHTS OF ORATORY.
AND THE RUDE CROWD AT THE
The Smocth Way.
In the last generation TyW Cobb,
i was a well kr..)wn c:t lz-ii of
N'..rth H: id.?ewat-r now Brockton
M.issael.usf its. He was famou3
throughout Plymouth count v. s:is a
contributor In I he ll,.r.in Herald, for i f this: "All along tha ever flowing
liis witty retorts ami dry humor. I
Examples of Mixed Metaphors Calcu
lated to Cause a Smile.
An amateur historian la responsible
Ago of Chivalry Surely Dead When
Men Object to Missinj Their
Trains to Accommodate Fair
Mis Photographic Plates Spoiled.
A now York photographer recently
An Instantaneous Cure
During the rattle plague of 180G In
learned, to his sorrow, that the gas j England a farmer who had lout a niim
mantle emits a ray. lie had stortd ; ber of his cows grew so depressed that
nway a large number of plates In a ,0 fy persuaded hlmseir he had al
dark place and Inadvertently left a so contracted the disease. The niedl
gas mantlo near the plates. They re- ral man whom he consulted tried !n
mained In the place for a month, and vain to laugh him out of his fears,
when the photographer took his plates . t,iit subsequently, being fond of a
out he found all of them fogged. The j,,, pretended to agree with the pa
mantle contained thorium, a radio-1 tleiit's views, and solemnly told him
active subRtanco that penetrates a
cttrdbonrd plate box as easily as It
goes through glass. The man didn't
know this, but now he knows better
than to leave gas mantles near hid
Luxuries are those possessions
"Which aro enjoyed chiefly and almost
solely because other people do not
have them. All other possessions aro
necessities. If every one were a
Standard Oil magnate, it would be an
Insufferable bore, and It is getting to
bo almost that anyway. Luxuries do
not connoto comfort. On the con
trary, they connote litter, Indigestion,
gout and lassitude. Comfort comes
only from necessities Ufe.
If he would attend to his Instructions
he would bo cured. He then gave
the farmer a prescription, which he
directed should be taken to a neigh
boring druggist, but when the latter
op"f.ed the envelope and rend the con
rents he was as much startled as the
farmer. For the prescription was ns
follows: "This man lias the cattle
plague. Take him Into the backyard
and shoot him, according to act of
j parliament." Needless to gay, the
' cure was Instantaneous.
Wisdom In Old Adages.
"Strike when the Iron is hot" and
"keep it hot by striking. "Take time
"while time Is, for time will away."
the English say. The Spanish proverb
laa It: "When the fool has made up
Tils mind the market has gone by."
The old Latins said: "Opportunity has
hair in front, behind sho is bald; It
you scire her bytho forelock, you may
hold her; but if suffered to escape,
not Jupiter himself can catch her
Interesting Analysis of Snow.
The London Lancet once made an
analysis of London snow on a week
day and on a Sunday. Tho SuncY
Enow showed roughly a fifth of the
amount of impurities present In tho
neeltday snow. But the most signi
ficant difference was that while tha
weekday t-now contained ns much :is
2,ofi grains of sulphuric acid In (en
pounds tho Sunday snow contained
Investing In Nature.
A man must Invest, himself near at
h?.H, and In common things, and bn
content with a steady and moderate
return. If he would know the blessed
ness of a cheerful heart and the sweet
ness of a walk over the round earth.
This is a lesson the American has yet
to learn capability of amusement on
a low key. He expects rapid and ex
traordinary returns. He would make
tho very elemental laws pay usury.
He has nothing to Invest In a walk;
it Is too slow, too cheap. We crave
the astonishing, the exciting, the far
away, and do not know tho highways
of the goila when we see them always
a sign of the decay of faith and sim
plicity of man. John Burroughs.
Where Nell Gwynne Lived.
Trent house, standing on the banks
Kt the River Brent at Brentford,
which was oneo the resilience of Nell
Gwynne, Is about to make way for
two modern villas. While residing
there Nell Gwynne often entertained
Charles II., and It Is said that ha
once rode his horse up the grout oak
slalrcnso. London Daily News.
As there Is a worldly happiness
which God perceives to bo no more
than disguised misery; as there aro
worldly honors which in his estima
tion nre reproach, so there Is" a world
ly wisdom which in his sight Is fool
ishness. Of this worldly wisdom the
characters are Riven In the Scriptures, j
and placed In contrast with those of
tho wisdom which Is from above. The
one is the wisdom of the crafty, the
other that of the upright; the one
terminates In selfishness, the other In
charity; the one Is full of strife and
bitter cnvylr.gs, tho other of mercy
and of good fruits. Blair.
Small Scale Love.
Dr. Pierce Underbill, whose hook on
divorce and marriage is to appear next
month In Indianapolis, delivered a lec
turo on divorce recently In a fashion
aide Indianapolis church.
"Kxtravagance," he began, "is one
ut the Mr causes of divorce. My cous
in, a bnnk clerk, married a pretty
jc!rl and took her home to a nice little
tat. But she frowned and bit her Up.
"Oh, Jack.' she Bald, 'I can't llvs
la a tiny fiat like this!'
"You don't love me when you say
thai, darling,' said my cousin.
-"Oh, yea 1 do, but not on such a
'Tlgeon milk is a myth." said a
milkman, "but there actually is a bean
milk. It Is drunk, put In tea and cof
fee, and even frozen fur ice cream.
The Japs are Its Inventors. This milk
Is made of the Sofa bean. Tlie bean
Is first soaked, then boiled in water.
After the liquid turns white sugar and
phosphate of potash nre added, and
the boiling is kept up till a subJianee
of tho thickness of molasses is ob
tained. Nobody could tell this bean
milk from condensed milk, and when
water Is ndd'M It can't be told from
the fresh. Tho Japanese poor uso
uothlng else." ,
; It was one of tlrj branch unices of a
! Dig railroad. As the man ahead of h t
' llierw down hi money, grabbed his
( ticket and disappeared, she fluttered
j up to the counter.
"I want to get my trunk checked,
"Let mo see your ticket, miss."
"(), Clare, we forgot to get my
ticket." turning to the girl with her.
"So we did. Now we will have to
go all the way back."
"You can get your ticket here, miss."
"O, Clare, I can gvl my ticket here.
Un't it lovely?"
"Just happened to have a few odd
lota on hand," grinned some brute bit
'jlnd her. "It's bargain day, you know.
All tickets reduced to 1.!I8!"
"What does that rudo creature
mean, t lare .'
"I don't know, dear. Don't pay any
attention to him."
"Where to, miss?" Inquired the
ticket agent at this point
"O, I wait a moment. Clare, I
oevor thought about that. Would you
get a round trip? You know the How
ards may only be In New York a week,
and 1 may go on with them to Pitts
burg. They have been begging me to
for weeks, but If Mabel's wedding
should come off by the 30th, I'll want
to go to that. I shouldn't be a bit sur
prised though If she postponed It
again, but "
"Round trip, miss?" asked the ticket
agent again, while the waiting line of
men und women btood on the other
"O, Clare, what would you do? I
urn wild to go to Pittsburg with the
"And we are wild to have you go,"
suddenly yelled a man at the ex;rome
end of the line, whose train left in 20
"Try Pittsburg," yelled another
voice. "You have to chang9 every
thing there every hour or so, and you
can Include your mind without any ex
"Oh. no," shrieked another frantic
Individual, "go to Mab'd's wedding. I
nm dying to have you go. What, Ma
bel?" "Clare, did you ever see such dread
ful people. I shall report you at the
main olllce." and she glared at the
"Yes, miss," returned that Individual
In an expressionless voice.
"No, single," haughtily. r
"What time? The next call la be
tween 11 and 12"
"Oh, my trunk Isn't packed yet. 1
could never get It ready In that t ime.'
"Next call between 3 and 4."
"Very well, have the man call for
my trunk at 3, tlua 1 can take the 2
"You would not have your check
"Why not? I can g :t the check when
the man comes for my trunk."
"But you won't be there If you go
on tha 2 o'clock train and he doesn't
come until 3."
"Oh." A long pause.
"Clare, I won't bo there. What
shall I do? Do you think I could get
my trunk ready by 12? You know
they never come when they say they
"I think you could, dear. I'll pack
one tray for you and we'll phone for
Helen to come and help us, and "
"Say, look here," shouted an excited
person In the rear, whose hair was
standing wildly on end and whose
eyes appeared to be endeavoring to
sever their connecting links with his
face. "I've got Just 20 minutes to
make my train In, and It's a matter of
$40,000 to mo if I lose It. Now if
'Clara' and her friend will retire for a
few moments and decide the?e mo
mentous questions the rest of u.i can
et our tickets before she has tlmo to
rhange her mind aguln."
"Clare, I'll not stay here another
moment and be Insulted. I shall not
;..et my ticket at this office, and I shall
certainly report you, sir, at headquar
ters. I will never go on this road
again and I shall tell all my friends
how I have been treated, and see that
they take their custom elsewhere."
and then she and Clare swept haught
ily from the ofllce, while the crowd
As the two disappeared the ticket
agent winked at the crowd, and then
began throwing out tickets and mak
ing change, as each man yelled his
destination, tossed him his money and
snatching his ticket sprinted out of
the door with his coat tails standing
out straight and his suit case cutting
long streaks out of the utnioapUere.
Never having taken a sea trip. Mr.
Colj!) one day conceived the idea of
r. r.kir.g a voyage to New York. Ac
coidlnuly he sidled from Boston ia a
sn.iill st hoi tier.
The fit st day cut a storm was en
countered i.nd Mr. Cob! became vio
I i : 1 1 v,U-k, but aft r several liui.ru ho
L.ustued u;j coinage aiid .strength tc
it.ol; cut i:pun the troubled waters.
As he looked from the hide of the
little s!iii up the trough of the sea. It
;u.'( med veiy smooth to him. The ia;i
tain's cutting of the wavci was "sense
Ileh." w told himself.
But as this mad steering continued,
the unhappy passenger finally crawled
out, on hands and knees, to where the
captain stood at the wheel, and rais
ing his voice above the din of waves
a:id wind, shouted:
"Man, mat:, keep In the ruts, keep in
the ruts!" Youth's Companion.
mcnes ana He3i Wortn.
Riches are for the comfort of Ufa,
not life for the amassing of riches. I
asked a wise man: "Who Is the for
tunate and who is the unfortunate
man?" He replied: "He Is the for
tunate who sowed and
the unfortunate who died
rest. Offer no prayer in behalf of
that worthless wretch who did nothing
but spend his life in the accumulation
A magnetic personality Is often
' more powerful than ability, nnd Is
; often, very often, placed in the balance
i against it. It is therefore advisable
j to exert oneself to the utmost to cul
; tlvate that wonderful charm to the
I highest degree, and Fhe who has It
( not Is not so much to be pitied as
; blamed, for it Is, more or less, wlthlu
; the reach of all. Woman's Life.
The Human Family.
The human family living on earth
to-day consists of about 1.450,090,000
souls not fewer, probably more.'
These are distributed literally all over
the earth's surface, there being no
considerable spot on the globe where
man has not found a foothold. In Asia,
the so-called "cradle of the human
race," there are now about 800,000,000
people, densely crowded, or an av
erage of about 120 to every square
mile. In Europe there are 320.000,000,
averaging 100 to the square mile, not
so crowded as Asia, but everywhere
dense, and in many places mer-popti-
lated. In Africa there are 210,000,000;
and In the Americas North, South
and Central 110,000,000, these latter,
of course, relatively thinly scattered
over broad areas. On the Islands,
large and small, there are probably
10,000,000 more. The extremes of the
blacks and the whites are as five to
three, the remaining 700,000,000 Inter
mediate, brown, yellow and tawny In
stream of history you can discern the
fdlent fcotprinta of the crowned heads
The village reportir on the de.ith
of the village poet: "That dauntless i ot Wcalth which he used not.
en shall write no s.iore,- for Us eyes
nn closed forever!"
From the speech of a rising young
politician: "The llerce light of pub
lic opinion shall dog their footsteps
until it strangles them. Then shall
they swallow the bitter pill and drink
its very dregs."
Advice and warning from a success
ful man of business to a gathering of
young people: "Kvery rung In the lad
der of success Is paved with slippery
stones, on which only the clear head
and the steady hand can retain their
The fearless suffragette was address
ing a meeting of mere men. She had
graphically related to them the fasci
nating story of the strenuous struggle
the ladies had made for that most
priceless of possessions, a vote how
every obstacle had been conquered
and victory was at last In sight. "We
have now," she shrieked, "almost
crossed the trackless desert and the
harbor lights are stretching out their
arms to greet us!"
The temperance advocate was giv
ing a striking but a true picture of the
vast amount of evil wrought by Hv
demon of drink. "What is the grerfr
est devastating agent of our time?" he
asked. "It is the bottle, which smifes
genially before your face while at the
same time it is stabbing you in the
He Is the for
reapod, and he jr
Ld and enjoyed '
It Is not to die, nor even to die of
hunger, that makes a man wretched.
Many men have died; all men must
die. But It is to live miserable, we
know not why; to work sore, and yet
gain nothing; to he heart worn,
weary, yet Isolated, unrelated, girt
In with a cold, universal laissey falre.
Thomas Carlyle. ,
Advice Worth Heeding.
Do not wait, but begin to-morrow
morning to be reliable and keep at it
until reliability becomes a part of
you Booker T. Washington.
What Gifts to Give.
The different wedding anniversaries
and gifts appropriate are: First year,
cotton; second, paper; third, leather;
fifth, wooden; seventh, woolen; tenth,
tin; twelfth, silk and fine linen; fif
teenth, crystal; twentieth, china;
twenty-filth, silver; thirtieth, pearl;
fortieth, ruby; fiftieth, golden; seventy-fifth,
diamond; eighty-fifth, radlutu.
Cause of Baldr.ess.
After considerable jocu'.ari'y tr-.e
pair turned to the pearly-pnted
stranger and one said:
"My friend and I have ben discuss
ing the cause cf baldness, but we can't
seem to agree. Would you min i tell
ing us what yon regard as the rea
cause of baldness?"
The stranger wheeled about, eyei;
his questioners fi-r'xly and snorted:
Where Nature Fa!l3 Short.
Whiskers may conceal a receding
chin, but there Is r.o help for a flat
Truth Versus Fiction.
The mother-in-law Is generally kind
and Indulgent; the landlady la more
than solicitous about your welfare;
the street-car conductor does not
knock down fares: policemen do not
go to sleep on their beats; there Is no
such thing as a gentleman burglar.
Think It over.
And Equal Uselcssness.
V.'ere- every pebble a ruby the
and tne pebble would be of
New Use for Onions.
A woman has cured her husband of
a had attack of "affinititis" by feedins
him on raw onions.
Tommle was about to have a chil
dren's party. "Mother," he said
thoughtfully, "It won't look well for
me to bo stuffing myself when those
other kids are here. How will It be
If I eat my share before they come?"
No Cheap Grades.
There are no varyin? degrees
Result of Mince Pie Nightmare.
After eating three pieces of mince
T H A 1 ) w i r f Alton nf Chtr'fitm ,nn f t.W
j..-, . f . . v ...... v., v tit. uu m in w 7
sleep, and, dreaming that a man hu
was gambling with was cheating, he
got his revolver, intending to shoot
the gambler, but Instead fired a buljet
Into his wife's head.
If You Are Needing a
DELIVER Y WA (iO.X
We are offering a fine
Top Delivery W&gon
Worth 135 for
It has 11-4 inch Axle and Wheels, has full wood
panel sides nicely painted. Think of it.
hcnifc nnd ns he did so It rolled along
t& floor with a grinding rattle.
Itefore he had time to turn around
h heard tho old lady shout from the
Tront of the store: "That makes mora
t-cdse than my old one, and I don't
raw to look at It," and so saying, she
whisked out to tho door, leaving the
iia!er to wonder whether the Joke was
worth the loss of tho sale. Portland
Queer Kablts of Authors.
Both Dumas nnd Balzac showed no
Inclination to pass the wine-bottle. On
the ortier hand. Voltaire drank huge
quantities of coffee when engaged lil
writing. As a matter of fart, over ln
diligence In that beverage during a
protracted literary effort was tho real
tausB of his death. Schiller alsc
urnnk coffee "to thaw the frost out o?
his wits." but he fancied ImblUng tht
Infusion while sented with his feet
In hot water. This, he believed, stlmu
lated his Imagination in sluggish
moods, and he refreshed It durinp
work by copious draughts from a flask
of Rher.lsh wine.
Knowing Child Mamma punished
me for something 1 hadn't done yes
terday. Auntie That's rather unjust. Are
Knowing Child Yes, she punished
me because 1 hadn't done my lea-sous.
A.T A. BIG- SACRIFICE
A Soft Answer.
'09 What did you tell your father
when he asked you If you Indulged?
'12 Told him t took only ginger ale.
'oa Thought a soft answer would
turn awav vwatli. th?
18th and Harney Street, Omaha, Nebr.
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