The news-herald. (Plattsmouth, Neb.) 1909-1911, May 03, 1909, Image 3
Unsympathet'e. Others may have nail the same ; thins, but this r.vher unsympatheMc ' comment is attributed to the l.ito ! Judge Hoar: "Are you going to at- j tend the funeral of Gen. ltutler?" a 1 frit ml asked him. "No," was tho ! calm reply. "No, I am not going to at- ; tend but I heartily approve of It." I Detestable. I Two of the most dotestthle kinds of! people In this world are the ones who are ashamed of their grandfathers and those who hoasi of the high po.sl- : tlons their grandfathers had iu so J ciety. j Any Banditti in Our Town? Whenever numerous troops of ban diiti, multiplied by success and im punity, publicly defy, instead of elud inn. the Justice of their country, we may safely Infer that the excessive weakness of the government Is felt and abased by the lowest tanks of tho community. Kd ward Gibbon. They Live Up to the Hair. We know a certain number of young tin n who study music piano, organ, harmony, anil counterpoint for the sole purpose of honoring their opulent heads of hair. They are musi cal snobs; (iil Was. Riches and Real Worth. niches are for the comfort of life, not lift' for the amassing of riches. I asked a wise man: "Who Is the for tunate and who Is the unfortunate man?" lie replied: "He Is the for tunate who sowed and reaped, and ho the unfortunate who died and enjoyed rest. Offer no prayer In ludialf of that worthless wretch who did nothing but spend his life In the accumulation of wealth which he used not." nr Keeping a Wife. Feminine Intellects are now both ered as to the best way "To Keep a Husband." Of course they don't real ize that for centuries countless legions of men have been worried nearly to the grave by the problem of how to keep a wife. New York Herald. Going to Law. The man who to' s to law for the purpose of obtaining satisfaction pen erally '!s so many other things that he forgets all about the satisfaction if there is anv in It for him. Idea of Gen. Butler. Red and green side lights for ves sels were first used on the Hudson t river in 1 SG2. and they were intro- i duced by Gen. Benjamin F. Rutler, i .who was interested In a factory that made the lights. Swedish Sign for Restaurants. ! In Sv.vlen the railway stations at which meals Hie served are known by the simple but suggestive picture if a crossed knlf" and fork opposite the name of the station. I A Slight Typographical Error. ' A New York manager has explained ! that, what he advertised for was "thirty chorus girls," not "thirsty chorus girls," and, of course, he got them. Attractiveness. A magnetic personality Is often more powerful than ability, and Is often, very often, placed In the balance against It. It Is therefore advisable to exert oneself to the utmost to cul tivate that wonderful charm to the highest degree, and Kite who has It not is not so much to be pilled as blamed, for It Is, more or less, within the reach of a'l. Woman's Life. Girt In. It Is not to die, nor even to die of hunger, that makes a man wretched. Many men have died; all men must die. Hut It Is (o live miserable, wo know not why; to work sore, and yet Rain nothing; to be heart worn, weary, yet isolated, tun elated, girt In with n cold, universal lal.ssey falre. Thomas Carlyle. Balm for Fat Men. Every picture of the devil in human j form represents him as very tall, j very slender and elegantly dressed. 1 The fat men need all the comfort they can get and may And some In this. I Atchison Globe. Hunger, Hunger Is God's instrument in bring ing the idlest to toll, and Hunger waits to work her will on the Idler and the waster. .1. H. Green. Last Chance. The ordinary man feel that If he ! fails at everything else he can make j a good living raising chickens. The I Why, of Course. If a bear were to visit a dry goods store, what would she want? Muzzlin'. What Gifts to Give. The different wedding anniversaries and gifts appropriate are: First year, cotton; second, paper; third, leather; fifth, wooden; seventh, woolen; tenth, tin; Iweirth, silk and fine linen; fif teenth, crystal; twentieth, china; twenty-fifth, sliver; thirtieth, pearl; fortieth, ruby; fiftieth, golden; seventy-fifth, diamond; eighty-fifth, radium. average woman feels that if worse ever comes to worst she can take roomers. Uncle Ezra Says: "All things come to him who waits, but they come a good deal quicker to her." Calls a Halt. A well-known feminine publication bursts forth with this self-evident fact: "We are suffering from acute verbosity. Everybody talks too much. Huh! Once! '1 console myself." said tho fellow I knew, "with the knowledge that when I was a baby there were some people who thought I was a very handsome baby." And Never Will Be. No woman has ever been quite sat isfied with the training her husband got from his mother. Truth Versus Fiction. ! The mother-In law Is generally kind and indulgent; the landlady is mora i than solicitous about your welfare; I the street-car conductor does not j knock down fares; policemen do not i go to sleep on their beats; there is no such thing as a gentleman burglar, j Think It over. i Remark of the Crouch. "When Johnny came marching home," grumbled the Philosopher of Folly, "it was probably because the cars were so crowded he couldn't ride." "Blue Hen'i Chickens." Copt. Caldwell, who commanded a Delaware regiment In th" rcvcliitlon. I was notorious for his love of cock fighting. He drilled his men ndnilr nbly, and they wire known In the army as "Caldwell's game cocks." The gallant captain held a peculiar theory that no cock was really game unless it. came from a blue hen, and this led to the substitution of "Hlue Hen's Chickens" as a nickname for his regi ment. After the revolutionary war the nickname was applied indiscriminate ly to all Delawareans. His Suggestion. Tonimle was about to have a chil dren's party. "Mother." he said thoughtfully, "it wont look well for me to be stuffing myself when those other kids are here. How will It be j If I eat my share before they come?" Harper's Bazar. Result of Mince Pie Nightmare, After eating three pieces of mlnca SAVE 1-2 YOUR SHOE MONEY 4 S5.00 and S4.00 Ladies Shoes lor if t; 'Ik. A V9 ft A $5.00 Men's Shoes lor When in Omaha buy your Shoes for Men and Women. We carry all sizes, widths and leathers in Men's and Women's Shoes, the regular value of these shoes are $5.00 and $4.00 and they are guaranteed to be worth that amount. Any kind of a shoe you want you can find here and the rt price is only P S3) w Take Elevator at 16th Street Entrance to 6th Floor Paxton Block. 000 to 638 Paxton Block ALEXANDER OMAHA, NEBR. Corner lGlh & Farnum 11 J. W. Grossman left Friday for I Pie. Albert Allen of f'lilrn tin wont tn I Colorado Snrimzs. where he will enter sleep, and. dreaming that a man he the sanatarium of the M. W. A. He was gambling with was cheating, he wji) occupy the new tent furnished by got his revolver Intending to shoot the local camp. His many friends hope the Rambler, but Instead fired a bullet 1 , . , Into his wife's head. I for h,s ear,y recovery. Showery. "Ah soon as some men gits a little saved ui- fob a rainy day," says I'nclo Khen, "(ley ran't resist do temptation ! to knoek off work an waleh fob a ! shower." Washington Star. Sold only in Moisture Proof Packages XT lNo woman ever once bought Uneeda Biscuit and then willingly bought any other kind of soda crackers. No biscuit can he the National Biscuit unless it is First Un of "Kerosene." "Ke: o.ii'iie" seems to have been first i:s"d In I'tilted tMa'os patent No. 12.012 of March 27, 1855, granted to Abraham G-'sner of Williamsburg, N. Y., and assigned to the North Ameri can Kerosene Gas Light Company. In the preamble to his specification Ges ner states that, he has "Invented and oseovered a new and useful manu facture or composition of matter, be ing a new liquid hydrocarbon which I denonilnato 'kerosene. Coal oil" was the term in general use before "kerosene" was invented. Loquacious Britoni. As a nation and ns Indlvduals we are suffering from acute verbosity. Everybody talks too much, uaya far more than is necessary, and a great deal more than Is wise. Lady's Pic torial Magazine, London. Analysis of Argument. "Dar is two kinds of argumenta," Bald Undo Kben, "deni In which yon Is try in' to enlighten somebody an dem In which you Is tryln' to fool somebody." Easy Enough to Reform. Stop grumbling. Get up two hours earlier In the morning and do some thing out of your regular profession. Mind your own business and with all your might let other people's alone. Live within your means. Give away or sell your dog. Go to bed early. Talk less of your own peculiar gifts nnd virtues and more of those of your friends and neighbors. He cheerful. Fulfill your promises. Pay your debts. He yourself all you would see In : others. He a good man and stop grumbling. Sheffield (la.) Press. A Fashion Note, "'Ecclesiastical' gown's the tblng;." says a writer on the modes. Tat ladies, of course, who make a religion of following the fashion. New YorH World. A Toast. To Eve, who. recognizing the ralue of a higher education, secured it fos herself and her descendants, while Adam thought only of tickling hit palate. M. A. Watson, in Judge. Statistics. Of the 1,001 young women who fainted last year. 99 fell into the arms of men, two fell on tho floor ant one Into a waterbutt. Life. r m r yn00(Qi mm Judged by Their Trousers. A study of the trouser legs, as seen In the photographs of our most noted men, bring the smile of contempt from even the most, disinterested; ami one wonders If anything could be uglier than the concertina folds of the clum sy elephantine outlines that are there to be seen. Breeches, knickers and kilts are all far more artistic and healthy. London Tailor and Cutter. The Practical Side of It. "I likes poetry," said Uncle Ebe, "but I can't he'p reniarkln" dat twa bits In de hand Is worth acres of sil ver llnln' In de clouds." For Who Could Talk? And yet if all those who lived Is tjlass houses refrained from throwing tones there would be practically no social conversation. Puck. Examination Fever, Examination fever In a terribly j acute form has been developed by a ! learned doctor of Cambridge univer sity. It Is nearly fifty years since he ' matriculated, and he has degrees In j three faculties, but he still nccumu- lat.es first classes in the special (or passi it. a. degree examinations In various subjects; last month he added the ninth specimen to his collection. London University Correspondent. A Peculiar Wish. Young Chap lilame the luck! My i future father-in-law has been indicted for forging a check for 10,000 marks. 1 If he Is found guilty, then I cannot j marry his daughter; and if he is Inno- ! cent, then I get nothing by way of a dowry. My only hoie is that, he will be -t free and also that he Is not ' innoceut. Kliegnde Hlaetter. NATIONAL BISCUIT COMPANY Essential to Matrimony. The inhabitants of the Green Islands. In the China sea, are largely engaged In diving for singes. No grl there marries until she has shown skill In bringing spongit from tU depths. In some of the Ulands the father of a marriageable daughter bestows her upon tli most Hiircejuful (liver he who can slay under water and brng up the bUst load of spuiiyesi. Womau's Life. Rathersome. Some mpn would rather own an au tomoblle than have nothing to worry them Chlcaio Dallv News. Heap A Truss After Thirty Tears Experience I Har Made A New Discovery Fcr Men, Women or Children That Cures Rapture. Costs You Nothing To Try It. tf yn h! tr!' 1 m! fvervCil.-u '". om to me. Wh tn otti"r fill where 1 hive mrftmtmt lUCrfM. .M-o.l Ht'Ui'l)'' i' .J ;-:! t i liy 3 1 1 will vo i jr'iu tree my tx ' in i;i:;m.r-) ari l K cure, nhuvlihc my uexr 'lionet- ut,i.v::u u pr!i-i- ami Danie of many people wlMh4vi t:' I It -ami ware curel. ft U !r.'. mt r i : i-r m -ri u;: u.iuti r.i!l. iiemember I uric nn iltfi, m In .i '- i.i l -i. I oaU on tr!l t. if -.n i' '. ' ,r I My U true. Tin lire l!ie J i.i.m; xni .iu - htvi.m n my h.wli ami rea't II y u win ti : . enthu !;:. n mv hualrvd if iatien:i wb iv I'jttTt y "j .:) rr.i t Kill uut fret-enup.in beliiir ait n il Mii.t". t:' well warta your time wte-tvr ju my J rocy or mi. FREE INFORMATION COUPON C. K. tin io" .: . :U , .:: !. . Mirt.all, Mlrb. I'lerm! wti l yiti.'' i n vurpur full tiifirn.atlu3 uf jr-'ara" flrt) l-r lUa cum 'f ruptur'.