The news-herald. (Plattsmouth, Neb.) 1909-1911, May 03, 1909, Image 3

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Others may have nail the same ;
thins, but this r.vher unsympatheMc '
comment is attributed to the l.ito !
Judge Hoar: "Are you going to at- j
tend the funeral of Gen. ltutler?" a 1
frit ml asked him. "No," was tho !
calm reply. "No, I am not going to at- ;
tend but I heartily approve of It." I
Detestable. I
Two of the most dotestthle kinds of!
people In this world are the ones who
are ashamed of their grandfathers
and those who hoasi of the high :
tlons their grandfathers had iu so J
ciety. j
Any Banditti in Our Town?
Whenever numerous troops of ban
diiti, multiplied by success and im
punity, publicly defy, instead of elud
inn. the Justice of their country, we
may safely Infer that the excessive
weakness of the government Is felt
and abased by the lowest tanks of tho
community. Kd ward Gibbon.
They Live Up to the Hair.
We know a certain number of
young tin n who study music piano,
organ, harmony, anil counterpoint
for the sole purpose of honoring their
opulent heads of hair. They are musi
cal snobs; (iil Was.
Riches and Real Worth.
niches are for the comfort of life,
not lift' for the amassing of riches. I
asked a wise man: "Who Is the for
tunate and who Is the unfortunate
man?" lie replied: "He Is the for
tunate who sowed and reaped, and ho
the unfortunate who died and enjoyed
rest. Offer no prayer In ludialf of
that worthless wretch who did nothing
but spend his life In the accumulation
of wealth which he used not."
Keeping a Wife.
Feminine Intellects are now both
ered as to the best way "To Keep a
Husband." Of course they don't real
ize that for centuries countless legions
of men have been worried nearly to
the grave by the problem of how to
keep a wife. New York Herald.
Going to Law.
The man who to' s to law for the
purpose of obtaining satisfaction pen
erally '!s so many other things that
he forgets all about the satisfaction
if there is anv in It for him.
Idea of Gen. Butler.
Red and green side lights for ves
sels were first used on the Hudson t
river in 1 SG2. and they were intro- i
duced by Gen. Benjamin F. Rutler, i
.who was interested In a factory that
made the lights.
Swedish Sign for Restaurants. !
In Sv.vlen the railway stations at
which meals Hie served are known
by the simple but suggestive picture
if a crossed knlf" and fork opposite
the name of the station.
A Slight Typographical Error. '
A New York manager has explained !
that, what he advertised for was
"thirty chorus girls," not "thirsty
chorus girls," and, of course, he got
A magnetic personality Is often
more powerful than ability, and Is
often, very often, placed In the balance
against It. It Is therefore advisable
to exert oneself to the utmost to cul
tivate that wonderful charm to the
highest degree, and Kite who has It
not is not so much to be pilled as
blamed, for It Is, more or less, within
the reach of a'l. Woman's Life.
Girt In.
It Is not to die, nor even to die of
hunger, that makes a man wretched.
Many men have died; all men must
die. Hut It Is (o live miserable, wo
know not why; to work sore, and yet
Rain nothing; to be heart worn,
weary, yet isolated, tun elated, girt
In with n cold, universal lal.ssey falre.
Thomas Carlyle.
Balm for Fat Men.
Every picture of the devil in human j
form represents him as very tall, j
very slender and elegantly dressed. 1
The fat men need all the comfort they
can get and may And some In this. I
Atchison Globe.
Hunger Is God's instrument in bring
ing the idlest to toll, and Hunger
waits to work her will on the Idler
and the waster. .1. H. Green.
Last Chance.
The ordinary man feel that If he !
fails at everything else he can make j
a good living raising chickens. The I
Why, of Course.
If a bear were to visit a dry goods
store, what would she want?
What Gifts to Give.
The different wedding anniversaries
and gifts appropriate are: First year,
cotton; second, paper; third, leather;
fifth, wooden; seventh, woolen; tenth,
tin; Iweirth, silk and fine linen; fif
teenth, crystal; twentieth, china;
twenty-fifth, sliver; thirtieth, pearl;
fortieth, ruby; fiftieth, golden; seventy-fifth,
diamond; eighty-fifth, radium.
average woman feels that if worse
ever comes to worst she can take
Uncle Ezra Says:
"All things come to him who waits,
but they come a good deal quicker to
Calls a Halt.
A well-known feminine publication
bursts forth with this self-evident
fact: "We are suffering from acute
verbosity. Everybody talks too much.
'1 console myself." said tho fellow
I knew, "with the knowledge that
when I was a baby there were some
people who thought I was a very
handsome baby."
And Never Will Be.
No woman has ever been quite sat
isfied with the training her husband
got from his mother.
Truth Versus Fiction. !
The mother-In law Is generally kind
and indulgent; the landlady is mora i
than solicitous about your welfare; I
the street-car conductor does not j
knock down fares; policemen do not i
go to sleep on their beats; there is no
such thing as a gentleman burglar, j
Think It over. i
Remark of the Crouch.
"When Johnny came marching
home," grumbled the Philosopher of
Folly, "it was probably because the
cars were so crowded he couldn't
"Blue Hen'i Chickens."
Copt. Caldwell, who commanded a
Delaware regiment In th" rcvcliitlon. I
was notorious for his love of cock
fighting. He drilled his men ndnilr
nbly, and they wire known In the
army as "Caldwell's game cocks." The
gallant captain held a peculiar theory
that no cock was really game unless
it. came from a blue hen, and this led
to the substitution of "Hlue Hen's
Chickens" as a nickname for his regi
ment. After the revolutionary war the
nickname was applied indiscriminate
ly to all Delawareans.
His Suggestion.
Tonimle was about to have a chil
dren's party. "Mother." he said
thoughtfully, "it wont look well for
me to be stuffing myself when those
other kids are here. How will It be j
If I eat my share before they come?"
Harper's Bazar.
Result of Mince Pie Nightmare,
After eating three pieces of mlnca
S5.00 and
if t;
'Ik. A
V9 ft A
When in Omaha buy your Shoes for Men and Women. We carry all sizes,
widths and leathers in Men's and Women's Shoes, the regular value of these
shoes are $5.00 and $4.00 and they are guaranteed to be worth that amount.
Any kind of a shoe you want you can find here and the rt
price is only P S3) w
Take Elevator at 16th Street Entrance to 6th Floor Paxton Block.
000 to 638
Paxton Block
Corner lGlh
& Farnum
J. W. Grossman left Friday for
I Pie. Albert Allen of f'lilrn tin wont tn I Colorado Snrimzs. where he will enter
sleep, and. dreaming that a man he the sanatarium of the M. W. A. He
was gambling with was cheating, he wji) occupy the new tent furnished by
got his revolver Intending to shoot the local camp. His many friends hope
the Rambler, but Instead fired a bullet 1 , . ,
Into his wife's head. I for h,s ear,y recovery.
"Ah soon as some men gits a little
saved ui- fob a rainy day," says I'nclo
Khen, "(ley ran't resist do temptation !
to knoek off work an waleh fob a !
shower." Washington Star.
Sold only in
Moisture Proof
lNo woman
ever once bought
Uneeda Biscuit
and then willingly
bought any other
kind of soda crackers.
No biscuit can he the
National Biscuit unless it is
First Un of "Kerosene."
"Ke: o.ii'iie" seems to have been first
i:s"d In I'tilted tMa'os patent No.
12.012 of March 27, 1855, granted to
Abraham G-'sner of Williamsburg, N.
Y., and assigned to the North Ameri
can Kerosene Gas Light Company. In
the preamble to his specification Ges
ner states that, he has "Invented and
oseovered a new and useful manu
facture or composition of matter, be
ing a new liquid hydrocarbon which I
denonilnato 'kerosene. Coal oil"
was the term in general use before
"kerosene" was invented.
Loquacious Britoni.
As a nation and ns Indlvduals we
are suffering from acute verbosity.
Everybody talks too much, uaya far
more than is necessary, and a great
deal more than Is wise. Lady's Pic
torial Magazine, London.
Analysis of Argument.
"Dar is two kinds of argumenta,"
Bald Undo Kben, "deni In which yon
Is try in' to enlighten somebody an
dem In which you Is tryln' to fool
Easy Enough to Reform.
Stop grumbling. Get up two hours
earlier In the morning and do some
thing out of your regular profession.
Mind your own business and with all
your might let other people's alone.
Live within your means. Give away
or sell your dog. Go to bed early.
Talk less of your own peculiar gifts
nnd virtues and more of those of your
friends and neighbors. He cheerful.
Fulfill your promises. Pay your debts.
He yourself all you would see In :
others. He a good man and stop
grumbling. Sheffield (la.) Press.
A Fashion Note,
"'Ecclesiastical' gown's the tblng;."
says a writer on the modes. Tat
ladies, of course, who make a religion
of following the fashion. New YorH
A Toast.
To Eve, who. recognizing the ralue
of a higher education, secured it fos
herself and her descendants, while
Adam thought only of tickling hit
palate. M. A. Watson, in Judge.
Of the 1,001 young women who
fainted last year. 99 fell into the
arms of men, two fell on tho floor ant
one Into a waterbutt. Life.
r m r
Judged by Their Trousers.
A study of the trouser legs, as seen
In the photographs of our most noted
men, bring the smile of contempt from
even the most, disinterested; ami one
wonders If anything could be uglier
than the concertina folds of the clum
sy elephantine outlines that are there
to be seen. Breeches, knickers and
kilts are all far more artistic and
healthy. London Tailor and Cutter.
The Practical Side of It.
"I likes poetry," said Uncle Ebe,
"but I can't he'p reniarkln" dat twa
bits In de hand Is worth acres of sil
ver llnln' In de clouds."
For Who Could Talk?
And yet if all those who lived Is
tjlass houses refrained from throwing
tones there would be practically no
social conversation. Puck.
Examination Fever,
Examination fever In a terribly j
acute form has been developed by a !
learned doctor of Cambridge univer
sity. It Is nearly fifty years since he '
matriculated, and he has degrees In j
three faculties, but he still nccumu- first classes in the special (or
passi it. a. degree examinations In
various subjects; last month he added
the ninth specimen to his collection.
London University Correspondent.
A Peculiar Wish.
Young Chap lilame the luck! My i
future father-in-law has been indicted
for forging a check for 10,000 marks. 1
If he Is found guilty, then I cannot j
marry his daughter; and if he is Inno- !
cent, then I get nothing by way of a
dowry. My only hoie is that, he will
be -t free and also that he Is not '
innoceut. Kliegnde Hlaetter.
Essential to Matrimony.
The inhabitants of the Green Islands.
In the China sea, are largely engaged
In diving for singes. No grl there
marries until she has shown skill In
bringing spongit from tU depths. In
some of the Ulands the father of a
marriageable daughter bestows her
upon tli most Hiircejuful (liver he
who can slay under water and brng
up the bUst load of spuiiyesi.
Womau's Life.
Some mpn would rather own an au
tomoblle than have nothing to worry
them Chlcaio Dallv News.
A Truss
After Thirty Tears Experience I Har
Made A New Discovery Fcr Men,
Women or Children That
Cures Rapture.
Costs You Nothing To Try It.
tf yn h! tr!' 1 m! fvervCil.-u '". om to
me. Wh tn otti"r fill where 1 hive mrftmtmt
lUCrfM. .M-o.l Ht'Ui'l)'' i' .J ;-:! t i liy 3 1 1 will vo i
jr'iu tree my tx ' in i;i:;m.r-) ari l K cure, nhuvlihc
my uexr 'lionet- ut,i.v::u u pr!i-i- ami Danie
of many people wlMh4vi t:' I It -ami ware curel. ft
U !r.'. mt r i : i-r m -ri u;: u.iuti r.i!l. iiemember
I uric nn iltfi, m In .i '- i.i l -i.
I oaU on tr!l t. if -.n i' '. ' ,r I My U true. Tin
lire l!ie J i.i.m; xni .iu - htvi.m n my h.wli ami
rea't II y u win ti : . enthu !;:. n mv hualrvd if
iatien:i wb iv I'jttTt y "j .:) rr.i t Kill uut beliiir ait n il Mii.t". t:' well warta
your time wte-tvr ju my J rocy or mi.
C. K. tin io" .: . :U , .:: !. . Mirt.all, Mlrb.
I'lerm! wti l yiti.'' i n vurpur full
tiifirn.atlu3 uf jr-'ara" flrt) l-r lUa cum
'f ruptur'.