. i..'- r.; ;-
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Who Shall be Presi dent ?
Is it Harrison ?
Is it Blaine?
OR 15 THERE ANY OTHER flAN YOU WANT FOR PRESIDENT OP
THE UNITED STATES?
NAME YOUR CHOICE !
m Y- . T . - T - )... -..-v.n-a
FARM
Blaine, McKinley, Gorman, Boies, Rusk,
Wanamaker. 1 hese
portraits are in
themselves beautiful
works of art, really
splendid pictures,
This space Is occupied
with engraved portraits of cither
HARRISON, CLEVELAND.
BLAINE. cHILL, CRISP,
WANAMAKER, McKINLEY.
GORMAN, RUSK, BOIES.
Whichever you may select.
JOURNAL
JANUARY
as fine as any steel
engraving, and in
no way an adver
tisement. They will
be an ornament to
S M T W T F S
1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
lOll 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 192021 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31
50 CENTS
any parlor, or office,
wall, or desk, and
This is a miniature of the Calendar.
The size is sJ4 ty 9S inches.
If vou are a Cleveland man you will
Calendar; if a Bkiine man order a
Calendar; if a McKinley man order a
m
LET'S HAVE A VOTE!
The Fakm Journal is well known everywhere in the United States
as on of the very lest I-'arm jajers a perfect gem of a Family paper. It
is cream, not skim-milk; it is the lxiled-down paper; chuck-full of
coramon-seii.ie; hits the 11.. il on the head every time. Everyone who has
a lior.se, or cow, or pig, or chicken, or has a farm Lig or little.
a or a garden patch, ought to take the 1 ARM JOURNAL. the
JPV-V fact that it has a round million readers bespeaks its wonderful
popularity. It is the one paper that guarantees its advertisers
to be honest, and protects its readers against fraud.
LET'S HAVE A VOTE I
It cost you nothing to vole, The harm Journal tor one year costs noth
fner: the presidents' portrait calendar costs you but 10 cents, to merely
cover the expense of printing; wrapping; mailing etc., provided that you
subscribe at the same time for TllK IlERAtn. Our clubbing terms with
the farm journal are such that we can furnish
Weekly IIekali - - - . $i.:50.
Farm Journal, ; - - J .50
President's portrait ca'ender, - .25
Total. .... $2.25
all for $1.G0, but ten cents more than
your subscription to THE HERALD has been paid up in full, we will sena
you the Farm Journal, 1 year, the presidents portrait calendar (your
chioce for president) for 35 cents. Make remittance direct to us without
delay as this is a special and extraordinary offer.
Don't forget in order ring calendar to state who is your choice
for President, and which calendar you want,
ADDRESS,
THEE HBRATiD
PLATTSMOUTII, NKBRBSKA.
Circulation Large,
Rates Reasonable,
Returns Remunerative
PLATTSMOUTH HERALD
Is q Weekly
iigl qqd speciql
ei'tisiim iiiediqn o qll t1o
o ieqcl fqiqilies flotjgti-
A. B. KNOTT
BUSINESS MANAGE!.
SOI Cor Fifth
PLATTSMOUTH
CMtcPtesreirM U3H. fteo C063 Dahond Brand
PLttttRONM UriiS
. TMC omINAJL ANO ACMUIMK. Tss mmty ftare, d rtlimtu PC! for !.
La4l. mtk n ! rr (lutuvr l Jht tHammmd rmd m Um sbS tied n-ulln
m m -:. wimt mmm rly. Tke
AH mum mi (imiiiJ mmtm, fo
mm. ut i pt far psrSssls- mmm:
mm mm wmmr
1,W 1jmiU. Hmmmlmr,
Is it Cleveland?
Is it Hill?
1 lie I A KM JUUKAi jia, -i i(jc cAjniuL,
designed and printed a beautiful Counting House
Calendar for 1892, containing portraits of the leading
Presidential possibilities : Cleveland, Harrison, HilL
and Crisp, also Postmaster-Genera
PORTRAIT
after the Calendar
is done are suitable
for framing. They
are sold, with or
without the Cal-
CALENDAR
endar, for 25 cents
each, to non-subscribers
to Farm
Journal.
35 CENTS
want a Cleveland
Maine Calendar; if a Hill man order a Hill
McKinley Calendar, and so on.
our usual subscription rate: or, if
Fqbliccitioq of
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and Vine St.
- NEBRASKA
mtmm. --- ryri, c; JmUiUtomB.
it -1rnr lw jiy Mir. b rrmrm Uml
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oy a new psrcseisa
scientific method ths
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Victims of abuses and
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nslnHS honor still exist; here k band in hand.
Vrlte f or oar Itook. with explanations a proofs,
miled sealed free. Over JS,0M references.
ISIS MEDICAL CO., BUFFALO, IT. Y.
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189 Wisocm Street, MILWAUKEE, WIS,
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A certain etxre for Chronic Sore Eyes
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PARKER'S
HAIR BALSAM
lees end hMttilM LL.
Froniotes a Inxurisot growth.
Hevet Fails to Restore ern
-Kate to its Ysarhful Ccl'or.
' ' . . turrs r.s.-p uieuwi A hair ieiiuu.
P.-i it's &ir.(,'er Tonie. it c.iren the jrtl Ci ujiL,
4 Lunv, Xvbilitv. Ia'ier;iol. Faio-Tske is tiinciOct.
IMriUtKtUHNS. The onWrore cure far Coms.
o'-jv tui peiu. xoc m ururKuts. or lliscuji. u CO.. Ii
Y.
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STHi
ia: civ thyself.
Or 8KLF-FRE8ERVATIO?r. A nw and only
Gold Medal PRIZE ESSAY on NERVOUS and
PHYSICAL 'DEBILITY, ERRORS of
YOUTH, EXHAUSTED VITALITY, PRE
MATURE DECLINE, and ail DISEASES
and WEAKNESSES of MAN. 800 pages, cloth.
cilt; 186 invaltu-Ma prescripUoos. Only fl.W
oy ma, aonoia sosiea. usscnpme
Proepect-
DS witn enaorsemenis
s FREE I now?
of the Press and volon
testimonials cf tha
Consultation in person or by mail. Expert treat
ment. INVIOLABLE SECRECY and CEK
wity rrnv idilM.. rw tr rr
The Pea body Medical Institute, No. 4 'Bulliach'St..
iioston, Mass.
The Pea body Medical Institute has man v imi
tators, bnt no equal. Ilmslil.
i ne science or ire. or "M-it Preservation, is a
treasure more valuable tnu.a lt.M. Head H now,
every WEAK and NERVOUS man. and learn to
be STKOXI . Metl'ctU .r.r. (t'opvrighied-.'
tmsm
r7,'J,,oV:T"JvL3:a.
-tri4i.
Mi
WIT AND lllIMOR. .
The champion light-wright a short
ton of coal. Tcraa Siflinys.
The Anarchist is h niiin w ho rannnt
Btand other incn1s rsjiTity. Indian
apolis Journal.
A fantic is a man who takis a hiirn
intr interest in something we don't
like. Hani's Hum.
Almost any man can ui made to
talk if a corkscrew is used to draw him
out. Buffalo L'j-jinx.i.
The book that makes I he jrrealest
stir in society is the w cll-iilicd pocket
book. Texas Xijlin
"Von say your present boss treats
you better than Mr. Smith did?" 'Yis,
sorr, and oftetn-r." -.';'.
A good many men are more inter
ested in having vrk than poverty
abolished. 7-j(:i Sifliii'j.
It's bad enough to lite oil more than
you can chew, but it's worse to try to
chew it. Ihlrnii l'nr 'rr.ss.
Five thinjjs ar
in life. One is a
others are money.
essential to success
jood wife; the four
Ilirhmorid lii.-cordt r.
i "That you n Ie Vere is a very
! promising follow." "Ah! How much
j did you lend ! lialtiruorc Amcri
j can.
I It Ioesn"l ah'.ij s prove an official is
I burning with pub1!- zeal when he tires
a lot of subordinates. Philadelphia
Times.
Teacher "Now, children, what
j well-known product is raised in Ire
j land?" r.riht L5oy "American citi-
! It is hard to draw the line between
j ;jood and evil; but how does the other
j political party manage to et all the
bad men? l'nek.
j "Do you know. I don't think much
or ftiawson.-' ' "lou Hon i nave in.
You can size Ala vv sou up in two sec
onds. "12 rook I a- I. ij'e.
There is never any diilk-uUv in tind
inr people to play the ii c.-i fiddle, but
O how hard it is to ;et tLe rest of the
orchestra. l!aus Hum.
Yabsley "Does
your wile ever
choose vour clotlu-s for vou?" Wick-
wire "No; tilic nicreh' jiic-ks tlie ioe-k-ct
s. " In d ia n a polls Journal.
Ethel "George said last night that
there wasn't a girl in town with a
complexion like mine." Maud "The
mean thing." Brooklyn Life.
The banana has a great variety of
uses. It is said that Hour is now made
from it. It is no secret that the skin
makes low slippers. Lowell Courier.
Women would do better work against
the devil if they got down on their
knees less for the men and stood up
more for the women. Atchison Globe.
Old Soak "Self-preservation is the
first law of nature." YoungCroak "I
suppose that is why you keep yourself
in alcohol all the time." St. Joseph
News.
Foley "Have you nice neighbors?"
Patterson "Elegant. Why, they spend
the fall and winter in Florida and the
spring and summer in Newport."
Epoch.
Primus "Young Dr. Neale tells me
that in his specialty he has never
made a mistake in diagnosis." Secund
us "What's his specialty autopsies?"
Judge.
"I am wedded to art," said Parlej.
"Well, "said Criticus.gazing at Parley's
picture, "I'd get a divorce if I were
you. one nas aeserteu you. isrooK
lyn Life.
Kvery man in the world is telling
what he would do if he were a woman.
and every woman tells of
would not do it she were a man. Atch
ison (jlobe,
Sunday - school Teacher (sadly)
Tm afraid, Johnny, that I will never
meet you iu heaven." Johnny Why?
What have you been doing now?"
Uarpefs Bazar.
"Why do you Boston girls keep
fellow at such a distance?" sighed Fay-
er. "It s the way of the Hub," Miss
McBean responded, and then blushed
at her pun. X. Y. Herald.
2fo, my son, it is not always polite
to tell a man what you think of him.
It is safer to tell it to somebody else,
and is just as effective in most in
stances. Boston Transcript.
"I wish I hadn't eaten that apple."
said Fatty ruefully. "Why, was it a
bad one?" "Well. I believe it was
spoiling for a light," and his face took
on a look of pain. tit. Joseph Xcws.
"I've got an idea for a play," said
Spivvins. "Well, I'll tell you what to
do with it if j-ou want your play to
succeed," replied Spavvins. "What?"
"Leave the idea out." Washington
Star.
Wrmen are more faithful to a mem
ory than men. All of them cling as
tenaciously and as long to their youth
a. they can, and yet with many of
them it is a mere memory. Philadel
phia I'imes.
A Hindoo baby is named when it is
12 days old, and" usually by the moth
er. The names the father calls it
then, especially nights, wouldn't usual
ly look well on a visiting card. Som
erri'lc Journal.
Beggar "Please, sir, will ve lend
J me a dime ter git somethin' ter eat?"
Gentleman "lou ve got a quarter in
VJI 1- II II
hand now. What's that for?"
ir "mats lor tip i ne waiter.
X. 1'. Weekly.
"Your kisses do not seem to have the
same spirit about them they had once,"
complained Mrs. Fitts. "Of course
not," said Mr. Fitts. "You could not
expect them to since I have sworn off."
Indianapolis Journal.
Guest "And you are the proprietor
of this popular hotel, are you? Why.
I was here last summer, and I don't
think you owned it then, did you?"
Mr. Heavytipp "O. no; I was one of
the waiters, though." Comic.
Deacon Jones "But surely you be
lieve in the existence, of a personal
devil?" Mrs. Nifty "I believe there's
a devil, but I don't see any need of be
ing personal in one's remarks in re
gard to him." Boston Transcript.
"Of course," said the critic. "I have
taken the worse side in criticising your
Koems. Ivbt nicv have, nevertheless. 1
their good side, too." And that in
" "The side of the paper that's
not written on." Ftiegende Blatter.
"Of of course, Mr. Smith, I feel
flattered by your offer; bnt you can
hardly exjR'ct a decided answer, as I
have known you for h short a time."
"Well, what am I to do? All the girls
who've known me longer have refused
me." Buffalo Express.
Ida "Did you see my father?" Walt
er -"Yes, I told him I had come to ask
of him the greatest blessing a young
man could ask his daughter's hand.
"And what did lie say?" "He .seemed
much pleased said he was afraid at
lirst I wanted to borrow some money."
Comic.
A fat woman entered a crowded car
and, seizing the strap, stood on a iron
tlcman's iocs. As soon as lie could
extricate himself he arose and offered
her his seat. "You are wry kind,
sir." she replied. "Not at all, madam."
he replied; "it's not kindness, it's self
defense. " Com ic.
"You applying for a pension? You
weren't in the army." "No, but I tried
to enlist at the age of thirteen, and
my uncle kicked me all the way home
from the recruiting ollice three
blocks. I have just come to the con
clusion that he injured my spine."
Indianapolis Journal.
"What are you doing in my house?"
asked a man who surprised a burglar
at his unlawful work. "Your house!"
exclaimed the burglar, as he com
menced once more to put silver spoons
in his pocket. "You seem to imagine
that I don't know the title to this prop
erty is in your wife's name." Brooklyn
Life.
li(lrTt Hpit on tti Fuse.
A good story has been told of a lisp
ing ollicer having been victimized by a
brother ollicer who was noted for his
cool deliberation and strong nerves
and of his "getting square" with him
in the following maimer: The cool
joker Capt. Bluckcney- was always
quizzing the lisping ollicer a lieuten
antfor his nervousness, and said one
day at mess. "Why, nervousness is
all nonsense; I tell you no brave man
is ever nervous."
"Well," inquired his lisping friend,
"how would you act thpothing a thell
with an inth futhee thould drop ithelf
in a walled angle, in which you had
taken shelter from a company of tharp
thooterth and were it wath thertain if
you put out your nothc you' get pep
pered?" "How?" said the captain, with a look
at his brother-officers. "Why, take it
cooly and spit on the fusee."
The party broke up and all retired.
The next morning a number of soldiers
were assembled on parade, when along
came the lisping lieutenant. Lazily
opening his eyes he remarked to a
cluster of officers: "I want to try an
ekthperiment thith morning and thee
how ektheedingly cool Tom Blakeney
can be."
Saying this, he walked deliberately
into the captain's quarters, where a
fire was burning on the hearth, and
placed in its hottest part a powder
canister and instantly retreated. There
was but one door of egrees from the
quarters and that opened on the pa
rade ground. The occupant gave one
look at the canister, comprehended the
situation, and in a moment made for
the door, but it was fastened on the
outside.
"Charle let me out if you love me!"
shouted the captain.
"I hpit on the canither!" shouted he
in return.
Not a moment was to be lost; the
captain had at first snatched up a
blanket to cover himself with; but
soon dropping it, he raised the win
dow, ana out he bounded, sans every
thing but a very short undergarment,
and thus, with hair almost on end, he
dasled on to a full parade-ground.
The shouts which hailed him brought
out the whole of the occupants of the
barracks to see what was the matter,
and the dignified captain pulled a ser
geant in front to hide himself.
"Why didn't you thpit on it?" in
quired the lieutenant.
"Because there was no sharpshoot
ers in front to stop a retreat," an
swered the captain.
"All I've got to thay, then, ith,"
said the lieutenant, "that you might
thafely have done it, fori thware there
wathn't a thingle grain of powder in
it."
Youthful Finesse.
"Papa." remarked a Third -street
small boy at supper one evening re
cently, "I saw Johnny Baker with a
whole silver dollar to-day." "Where
did he get it?" inquired the father.
"W'y, papa, he said his papa gave it to
him. Don't you think that was a big
lot of money for a little boy to have?"
"Altogether too much; I think." "That's
just w hat I tdld him, papa, but he said
it suited him pretty well and he was
going to get another next week." The
boy waited a minute for a paternal re
sponse, but it didn't oome. "I say,
papa," he continued, "do you think iu
cents is too much for a boy to have?"
"Why, no. That would be" reasonable
enough." "That's what I told John
ny, papa, and he asked me why I
didn't have it. and I told him I'd ask
you and see." The father responded
this time by forking over a dime. De
troit Free Press.
(Iliost in a Mine.
A ghost has driven the workmen out
of the 7)o-foot level of the Anaconda
copper-mine at Butte, Montana. It
is said to sit on the rafters and give
orders, and resembles a former lire
man of the mine who was killed there.
An Aged CIf.
A certain clergyman of Halifax, N.
S.. while addresin'- his cono-r-:ition
on the subject of the prodigal son, is
saia io nave anecteu nis nearers even
more than he anticipated when, with
fe:rK in liia fv. fiml titlwt iti lii-
voice, he pictured the aged father
overjoyed at the return of his long
lost boy, commanding them to bring
forth and kill the little calf which had
been fattening for vears. and vears,
ani vears. tiartwr JJazar.
A VERSATIUST.
Ilow Ho Sueroededi In Kitrrtlng-t Quarter
from Itusjr Lawyer.
He was a snappy-looking young fel
low of iierhaps 2.3, curly-haired, hand
some, dark-eyed, and dresed in the
latest htyle. Walking into an office in
tho Cincinnati Commercial (lazitte
building, he carefully closed the door
behind him. removed his fjow, and
remarked: "I w:is in town and thought
J would drop in to see you.
"Yes?" interrogatively remarked tho
at torncy.
"Yes. I dropped in to : "i you
and now I should like to do souid liing
for you." "Oh. you would? What can
you do for mei"' coldly relumed tho
barrister.
The young man made a graceful lw
and produced his car. I: ".McDonald
Everett Ycrat i!is! ic ai l ist nn 1 special
ist. Painting - Young ladies, lessons
one hour, free of c harge; old maids,
p and upward, depending upon first
impressions. Musician and vocalist
One night stands. $1(1; prices to vary
according to size of hall, also size of
audience. Correspondent (traveling
or stationary) Sensational, 1 cent
per line. Divorce cases written iu
(lowing style, and eloquence utilized
in case lady is in her teens or not UnrK
far gone beyond. Society scandal.
$ 10 per column. Actor Shakspeare'
productions $tfO per night; 10 if egged.
Other drama l.r for single engage
ment. Fainting spell with ladieir
neatly executed, and real blood used
in every scene of tragedies. Ventrilo
quism ami elocution on demand at
lowest rates. Kalsomining, plumbing,'
carpentry and joinery, paper-hanging,
song and dance Gncco-ltoman wrest
ling, tight-wire, cleaning and repair
ing clothes; private tutoring for Vain
Princeton, Harvard, and University of
Michigan. Special attention given to
piciiicTpartics and church lairs. Send
stamp for circular, with intcrchting
particular worth twice the money."
"No" gruflly growled the lawyer.
"I don't want anything in your line."
"L'm-m-m. Sorry. Don't you want
your office scrubbed?" "No."
"Coal carried?" "No."
"Shoes shined?" "No."
"Spitton washed out neat?" "No,
sir. I don't want anythingdone at all."
"Oh, indeed? Sorry! What will it
be worth if I tell something you want
done that I can do for you, and no one
else?"
"I told you once I did not want any
thing done in your line. But I'll giv
j ou a quarter if you can tell me some
thing of that sort," and the attorney
grinned sarcastically. "Well, you
want me to get out of here! See?"
As he jiocketed the quarter daintily
and softly reopened the door, he said:
"Any time you want something els
done drop me a card. I'm in thi
business to make a liv ing, and some
thing's got to come."
DETERMINED TO WIN.
The Woman I'awnitil Her Goat to Get
Money for Her Lawsuit.
"My first case," said a well-known
Harlem law er to a Commercial Adver
tiser man, "was an unique one. An
Irish family of the name of Murphy,
living up on the rocks in one of the
fast-disappearing remnants of Shanty
town, were fraudulently evicted from
their tumbledown cabin by a rascally
landlord. The practical head of the
household was the wife, ami she de
termined to light the matter out.
"For three weeks the Murphys, chil
dren, furniture and all, lived in the
back' yard of their former home with
nothing between them and heaven but
a flimsy tent made of old sheets, while
Mrs. Murphy tramped around town
looking for a lawyer who would take
their case for nothing.
"One day she charged into my office
and told me her story with the stereo
typed exactness that comes from fre
quent repetition. The case seemed to
be a worthy one, and as I wasn't over
burdened with work I agreed to take
it free of charge and reinstate the
Murphys in their dilapidated home
stead. "She wanted to get out a free sum
mons against the landlord and waive
several other small but necessary ex
penses, but I told her it would be
more politic to pay these, as the total
would not amount to
"'Foive dollars,' she cried, 'divil a
cint have the Murphys seen since me
husband losht his job wan month ago,
and the lasht blissed thing thim pawn
brokers '11 take they've got already.'
"When I offered to loan her the
money she went into such a rage that
I apologized abjectly.
"'Be the powers,' she exclaimed afler
pacing the floor for about ten minutes.
I forgot wan thing! Wait, mister,
an' I'll be back in an hour.'
"She kept her word, and just as I
was closing up shop for the day she
reappeared with her hands full of sil
ver, which she poured upon my desk.
"Mrs. Murphy,' I queried, where'
did 3'ou get this? I thought your
last valuable had been pawned?'
"'Yis,' she replied with a gleam of
triumph in her gray eyes, i very thing,
excipt the goat. I tuk auld Nanny,
whose milk me childer has lived npon,
over to the Kenneys, and they lint me
four dollars and ninety-sivin cints oa
her. There's the money, young man,
and now, be the lav of hivin, go ia
ami bate McCarty !
"I take pleasure in stating that Mc
Carty hu- -baten.1"
Cruel Man.
She came in daintily, and laid a
manuscript tied with a blue riblxjn on
the editor's desk, says the Detroit Free
Press. He looked up at her question
ing! v. She was quite pretty and he
continued to look. "I write iioetry
sometimes," she said tremulously, but
with a hope grown upon his kindly
look. "I beg your pardon." he said,
canting his head over to one side, a
if his ear were out of repair. "I write
poetry sometimes, sir," she repeated
softly and insinuatingly, as she pushed
the bine ribbon a little nearer his
hand. She was just as pretty and as
sweet as ever, but his face grew hard.
"You do?" he said coldly. "Yes, sir,"
and she trembled again. "Well, you
ought to f. a-hamcd of yourself.
Good morning!'' And the cold bru
tality of everyday life was on top
again- .x
