Nebraska Newspapers

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Who Shall be President?
Is it Harrison?
Is it Blaine?
OR IS THERE ANY OTHER I1AN YOU WANT FOR PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES?
NAME YOUR CHOICE !
FARM
Blaine, McKinley, Gorman, Boies, Rusk,
v anamaktr.. Ihese
portraits are in
t heinsel ves I eau tiful
works of art, really
splendid pictures,
This space Is occupied
with engraved portraits of cither
HARRISON. CLEVELAND.
BLAINE. HILL. CRISP,
WANAJVIAKER. McKINLEY,
GORMAN. RUSK. BOIES.
Whichever you may select.
JOURNAL
JANUARY
as fine as any steel
' ' ngraving, and in
no way an adver
tisement. They will
be an ornament to
S M T W T F S
1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 1112 13 14 15 16
17 18 192021 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31
50 CENTS
any parlor, or office,
wall, or desk, and
This is a miniature of the Calendar.
The size is f, by o inches.
tr vaii or a a riovlnnrl man vou will
C alendar if a Blaine man order a
Calendar; if a McKinley man order a
n
LET'S HAVE A VOTE!
The Farm Journal is well known everywhere in the United States
as one of the very best Farm papers a perfect gem of a Family paper. It
is cream, not skim-milk; it is the boiled-down paper; chuck-full of
common-sense; hits the nail on the head every time. Everyone who has
a horse, or cow, or pig, or chicken, or has a farm big or little,
or a garden patch, ought to take the Farm Journal. The
r Xt- r . .u : lii n mitnA millirtti rilrc tiAcnpnl: c it wonderful
lliai 1 V 11.13
jiopularity. It is
1s-S to be honest, and
LET'S HAVE A VOTE I
It cost you nothing to vole, The Farm Journal tor one year costs noth
ing; the presidents' portrait calendar costs you but 10 cents, to merely
cover the expense of printing, wrapping; mailing etc., provided that you
subscribe at the same time for The Hekalo. Our clubbing terms with
the farm Journal are such that we can furnish
Weekly Herald ... $1.50.
. Farm Journal, : - - J .50
President s portrait calender, - .25
Total, $2.25
all for $1.60, but ten cents more than our usual subscription rate: or, if
your subscription to THE HERALD has been paid up in full, we will send
you the Farm Journal, 1 year, the presidents portrait calendar (your
chioce for president) for 35 cents. Make remittance direct to us without
delay as this is a special and extraordinary offer.
Don't forget in orderring calendar to state who is your choice
for President, and which calendar you want,
ADERESS,
PLATTSMOLTTH, NEBRBSKA.
Circulation Large.
Rates Reasonable.
Returns Remunerative
PLATTSMOUTH HERALD
Is q "Weekly Pqbliceitioq of
ligll aqd speciql vcjlqe cs qd
ei'tisiqg rqediiiiri o qll .9to
seel t veQcly fqmilies ttl10Sll"
out t1!6 coqqty-
Partes On iipplicatioii-
A. B. KNOTTS
BUSINESS
BOl Cor Fifth
f PLA.TTSMOUTH
-g p.
sTUam- and
Is it Cleveland ?
Is it Hill?
The Farm Journal has, at large expense,
designed and printed a beautiful Counting House
Calendar for 1892, containing portraits of the leading
President inl Tinssihilities : Cleveland, Harrison. Hill.
and Crisp, also Postmaster-Gener
PORTRAIT
after the Calendar
is done are suitable
for framing. They
are sold, with or
without the Cal-
CALENDAR
endar, for 25 cents
each, to non-subscribers
to Farm
Journal.
25 CENTS
want a Cleveland
lilaine Calendar; if a Hill man order a Hill
McKinley Calendar, and so on.
vua.A ........... ' f ' ' "
the one paper that guarantees its advertisers
protects its readers against fraud.
MANAGE".
and Vine St.
NEBRASKA
- M - ; T and especially in V?ie somrrr oegan VTtrr-Arent . vne-aew!t'4wlthX'
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1409 Douglas St,,
OMAHA, - - NEBRASKA.
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Children Cry for Pitcher's Castoria.
WTieu Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria.
When she was m Child, she cried for Casioriu
VTien she became Mis-, s'." r!:-.n to Ca"r.i,
' Vben ?he h.i'H?hi; ;" !...;-v ;!icn C;i"r""r-
mm
mm
King Solomon's Mines.
I aiy aear old teiiow," burst out Sir Henry
a I..... ,il .1 .1. .1... - ., . A 1
imu x liiouin iiii. you were (ifiiu. i
have been over Solomon's Mountains to find
you, ami now i eom across you perched in
the desert like an old n:isvoj;el (vulture). "
"1 tried to go over Solomon's Mountains
nearly two years ago," was the answer,
spoken in the hesitating voice of a man who
has had little recent opportunity of usins his
tongue, "but when 1 got here, a bowlder fell
on liiv leg and crushed it, and 1 liave been
able to go neither forward nor back."
Tuen 1 came up. "How do ou do, Mr.
Neville? ' 1 said; "do you reuieniOer me?"
Wiiy," he said, "isn't it y lateriiiain, eh,
and Good too? Hold on a minute, you lel
iows, 1 am getl:n ilizy again. It is all so
vi-r-. strange, and, when a man has eeased to
hoot, so very happy."
Tnat evening, over the camp-tire, George
Cuius told us nis .story, wliie.'i, in its way,
was almost as eveiunu as our own, and
am. muted .shortly to tins. A little short of
two years net.. re, lie had starte.i lr.iiu h.tan
ua's Kraal, to try and reach Hie mountains.
As lor the note 1 had sent him by Jim, that
worthy had lost it, and he hud never heard
of it till to-day. Hut, acting upon informa
tion he had received from the natives, lie
made, not for fcjiiehu's ISreasts, but for the
ladiierlike descent of the mountains down
which we hail just coint'.wliicii was clearly a
Detu-r route lii. in liiul marked out in old
Ho i Silvestra's plan. In the desert he and
J mi Biill. icit great hardships, but hnally
tney reached this oasis, wneie a terribie ac
cident beieil Gorge (Junis. On tue day of
ineir arrival, iu was s.umg by the stream,
and Jim was extracting the honey from the
nest oi a sungies.s nee, which is to be lound
in the desert, on the I of the bank imme
diaiely above luin. in o doing he loosed a
oowider of ro-lt, which leil iiKn tieorge
Curtis' right leg, crusn ng it Irighttuliy,
rroni that tlaj lie huii i.:eii so ureauiu.iy
lame, that he had found it impossible to go
eiuier toiward or baciv, and hau pre i cried to
taue uie chances oi u lug on me oasis to the
certainly oi perishing in the desert.
As lor looii, however, thev had got on
prett well, lor they had a good supply of
ammunition, ami the oasis was lretpiriited,
e.speciaiiy at iiiht, by large ou. unities of
name, whicii came tinnier tor water. These
they shoi, or tra)peu in pitfalls, using tlieir
iiesn lor looit, and alter tlieir clothes wore
out, tueir nuies for covering.
"And so, lie eimeil," we have lived for
ueany two years, like a second Kobihsou
Crusoe and his man Friday, hoping aga.nst
iioje that some native might come lieie and
.icip us away, but none have come. Oniy
last ii:ght we settled that Jim should leave
me, and try to reach .-snan.ia's Kraal and get
.issisia.iee. He was to go to-nii rrow, but J
ii.to. i.lUe hopo ol sceiii him DacR again,
And now you, ol an peop.e in liie world,
you, who 1 lulU'lwl hau lon ago lorgotten
all about me, and were living eomiuriuhlv in
old i-.ugland, turn up in a promiscuous way
and hud uie where you least 1-xpt-cu.M. It is
the most wondeifu! thing I ever heard of,
and the most liierc.tru t- o.
Then Sir llenrv et to work and to!d liim
the main tacts of our adventures, sitting till
late in t!;e niiriit to .'.o it.
"By Jove!" he said, when 1 showed him
some of the diamonds, "well, at least you
have got something for your pains, besides
my worthless fceif."
Sir Henry lauerhed. "Thpy belong to
Quatermain and Good. It was part of the
bargain that they should share any spoils
there niiiriu be.
This remark set me thinking, and having
spoken to Good 1 told Sir Henry that it was
our unanimous wish that he should take
third share of the diamonds, or if he would
not, that his share should be handed to his
brother, who had suff ered even more than
ourselves on the chance of getting them
J? inally, we prevailed upon him to consent
to this arrangement, but George Curtis did
not know of it till some time afterward.
And here, at this point, I think I shall
finish this history. Our journey across the
desert back to Sitanda's Kraal was most
arduous, especially as we had to support
George Curtis, whose right leg was very
weak indeed, and continually throwing out
splinters of bone; but we did accomplish it
somehow, and to give its details would only
be to reproduce much of what had happened
to us on tne iormer occasion
Six months from the date of our rearrival
at Sitanda's, we found our guns and other
goods quite safe, though the old scoundrel in
charge was much disgusted at our surviving
to claim them, saw us all once more safe and
sound at my little place on the lierea, near
Durban, where I am now writing, and
whence I bid farewell to all who have ac
companied me throughout the strangest trip
1 ever made in the course of a long and
varied experience.
Just as I had written the last word, a Ka
fir came up my avenue of oranee-tree9 with
a letter in a cleft stick, which he had
brought from the post. It turned out to be
from Sir Henry, and as it speaks for itself, I
give it in full.
"Brayley Hall, Yorkshire.
ait dear yuATERMAix, i sent you a
line a few mails back to say that the three
of us, Geoi'sTP, Good, ana myseli, fetched up
all right iu England, vv e got on the boat at
Southampton, and went up to town. You
should have seen what a swell Good turned
out the very next day, beautifully shaved,
frock coat fitting like a glove, brand new
eyeglass, etc., etc. I went and walked in
the park with hiin, where I met some people
l knew, and at once told them tne story or
his 'beautiful legs.'
"He is furious, especially as some ill
natured person has printed it in a society
paper.
"To coine to business, Good and I took the
diamonds to Srreeter's to be valued, as we
arranged, and 1 am really afraid to tell you
what they put them at, it seems so enor
mous. They say that of course it's more or
less guess-work, as such stone have never
to their knowledge been put on the , market
in anything like such Quantities. It anoeara
that, they are (with the exception of one or
two of Uie largest) of the finest water, and
equal in every way to the best Brazilian
stones. 1 asked them if they would buy
them, but they said it was beyond their
power to do so, and recommended us to sell
by degrees, for fear we should flood the
market. They offer, however, a hundred
and eighty thousand for a small portion of
them. .........
"You must come home,' Quatermain, and
see about these things, especially if . you . in
sist upon making the magnificent present of
the third share, which does not belong to
me, to my brother George. As for Good, be
is no good. His time is too much occupied
in . shaving,', and other matters connected
with the vain adorning of the body. But 1
think he is still down on his luck about Fou
iata. . He told me that since he had been
home that he hadn't seen a woman to toucn
her, either as regards her figure or tbe sweet
ness of her expression.
"I want you to come home, my dear old
comrade, and buy a place near here. Yon
have done your day's work, and have lots of
money now, and there is a place for sale
quite clo&e which would suit you admirably.
Do come; the sooner the better: you can fin
ish w riting the story of our adventures on
board ship. We have refused to tell the
story till it is written by you, for fear that
we shall not be believed. If you start on re
ceipt of in is. you will reach here by Cnrist
man, and I book you to stay, with me for
that Good is coming, and George, and so,
by the way, is youc boy Harry (there's a
bribe for you). 1 have had him down tor -a
week's shooting, 'and like him. He is a cool
young hand;, tie shot ute in the leg, - cut oat
the pellets, and then remarked upon the ad
vantage -of having a medical student in
every snooting party.,; n ii;; :
Good-bye. oid bur: 1 can't say anr more.
f .Sk4w1rt Alii hlLl
but 1 know tnat you will come, if it is only
to oblige, , .. -t.-.v-i-j o.?iii:'i,;. j
. , , "Tour sincere friend, ,:n
'' - ' 1 "Hksky Crana.
.To-day is Tuesday., There is. a steamer
going on .Friday, and X really . think 1 jniwt
take Curtis at his word, and sail by her for
England, if it is oniy to tee my boy Harry,
and Bee about the printing of this history,
which is a task I do not like to trust to any
body else.
THE E3TD 1
wit and humor.
A happy pare the oi l-fashioned apple-bee.
Lowell Courier.
Put a sinner where ho can't hide,
and that's where hell begins. Hain't
Horn.
Persons on pleasure bent often pot
badly doubled up. Liitfjhainlon Jic
publican. The people who would have lono so
and so, if tiiev had been there, never
get then;. Ham's Horn.
There are still too many people who
enjo- .seeing a tin can tied to the tail
of soiuo other man's dog. Ham's
Horn.
Pessimists should remember that fine
of the iirst things Adam did in Eden
was to attempt reform with his mouth.
( 'ol u mbus 1 'out.
Woolen shirts and a broken
dollar bill in iiL be made of tin;
material, judging from the way
live
same they
shrink. Dunscitle Lrtczc.
When you want to cultivate a man
it isn't a good thing to harrow his
feelings ami plant the seeds of hatred
in his breast. ISimjhamtoit Leader.
Greenland has no cats. How thank
ful the Greenlanders should be. Im
agine cats in a country where the
ni'rlits are six months lonr. Tit-Bits.
The humorist may cudgel his brain
in vain to earn the ladgli which any
ordinary man can raise by falling down
a slippery walk. Somcrcille Journal.
Ikey (slipping a ring on her finger)
"Now we're engaged, Kebecca, ain'd
we?" Rebecca - "Mot till fader ex
amines the ring. Ikey." A. Y. Herald.
Wentman "Why do you call your
horse Independence Day?" Weeks
"Because in every race 1 enter him ho
always comes in a glorious fourth."
Hitler and Driver.
"When I went away," said the re
turned wanderer, "ilanlhit was crazy
over Miss Icelv. Did he ever get cured
of hi3 fancy tor her?" "O, yes; bhe
married him." A'. J". Press.
Jessie "You must be a hard worker,
Mr. Chapley." Chapley "What makes
you think that, Miss Jessie?" Jessie
"Cleorge told me yesterday that you
made him tired." X. Y. Herald.
Princess SawdoiTski "Why did the
Emperor send the Grand Duke Prtrov
na to Siberia?" Prince SawdofTski
"The Duke casually alluded to his
Majesty as an old Czardine." X. Y.
Sun.
Mr. De Peyster "Why, it's almost
11 by that clock on the mantel. I had
no idea it was so late. Are you sure
that clock is going?" Miss Rosebud
"Yes, the clock is,:" Somervillc Jour
nal. "Look here, George, I am positively
tired of your talking love to me this
way every time you call." "Marry ine,
then, and I'll never speak another word
of love to you as long as I live." N.
Y. Press.
Jamison "What's the matter, old
man? You look as though 3011 had
struck luck. Jenkins T should say I
have. My landlady has just warned me
that I must pay up before I can leave."
Boston Post.
Wagaway "So 3011 heard my lect
ures on 'Miracles.1 Do you know what
a miracle is, my little girl?" Bessie
"O, yes. My sister said it would be a
miracle if vou didn't stay for dinner
today." fit-Bits.
"What is the name of that lady who
has just finished singing?" "Miss
Swan." "Well, if I were in her place I
would proe an exception to the gen
eral run of swans, and die before I
sing." Harper's Bazar.
"Is this the man charged w ith pro
fanity?" asked the Judge. "I don't
think he is, yer Honor," replied the
policeman. "He may have bceif? but
Oi think most ay it must have escaped
by this time." Washington Star.
"Johnny," said the elder little
brother, "you must be sure not to ask
for any of the wild duck twice."
"Why?" "Because I hoard father tell
the company that they would have a
little game with a limit to it." Wash
ington Star.
"Paw," said little Tommy Figg, "I
heard Mr. Watts say that great men's
sons never did any good. I ain't a
great man's son, am I?" Up to a late
hour Mr. Figg s mind had not found a
sufficiently diplomatic answer. In
dianapolis Journal. -
That much of man's wisdom is van
ity is illustrated in the case of the
man who has the grip. He is tlie per
son most interested, but he doesn t care
whether it is a microbe or a herd of
elephants that is the matter with him.
Washington Star.
It was a bright Boston schoolgirl
who when asked by her teacher to ex
plain the meaning of the Shakspearean
phrase, "Go to!" exclaimed: "O, that
is only the sixteenth century's expres
sion of the nineteenth century's 'Come
off!'" Boston Herald.
"Well,Mr. Bronson," said a dominie.
"I hope you derived profit from the
services this morninjr. "Sir, re
turned Bronson, inclining to be indig
nant. "I assure you I drop business on
a Sunday and attend church with no
hope of profit." Tit-Bits.
Mr. Emerson Bean "O. yes, I've
written poetry, of course, but I never
hava tried to have any of it published."
Miss Waldonia Hubb "Now, why
don't you send it to some of the maga
zines? I've seen Some frightful stuff
in them lately." Jester.
"Your husband swore off smoking at
the beginning of the year, I believe?"
"Yes, it was awfully good of him. And
I had just brought him a box of cigars
as a present, too." "Indeed?" "Yes,
and he only smoked one and then
swore off." N. Y. Press.
. Old Friend "How did you and yonr
wife come to remarry after so many
ytars of separation?". Jimson "Well,
you ee,I in the cross snits for divorce
aha mad me out so bad, and I made
he? out so bad, that there . wouldn't
anybody else have either of us."
Brooklyn Life.
Husband "Are you going to - Miss
Twickenham's tea?" Wife "No; I
haven't anything to wear." Husband
"Why don't you wear the same gown
tou did at tbe last tea she cave?" wife
"I hare too much respect for you.
People would say you vcre running
down hill." Cloak Brview.
"I am going to ask you to bo my
wife," ho HahF, "but I don't want you
to say yes unless you accompany your
consent with congratulations." - "Con
gratulations?" "Ves, on my having
won the loveliest, most charming, and
amiable woman iu tho world." Shu
didn't congratulate liim. but she said
yes, nevertheless.- AT. )'. Press.
Bullinch "That was a wonderfully
clever speech 1 hat your husband just
made; and lie tells im it was entirely
impromptu." Ah-;. W.ioden 'Oh,
yes; ipiile so." l'.ullim li "ll is mar
velous liiat lie cnld do so well vvlieil
he looks so tired." Mrs. Wooden
"Well. I should think lie mi-lit look
tired; lie s:il up all niylil thinking w hat
he'd say." ---JJtt.-tun I'.iuri.r.
Petted daug'iter "They asked mo
to play at Mrs. Ilighupp's lliis even
ing, and I did; but " Fond mother
(proudly) "Were tliev not en
tranced?" Potted daughter -"Hum!
When 1 plaed 'Life on (lie Ocean
Wave' with variations half of tliem
left the room." Fnd mother (rn
t hu.siasliealiy ) "That's wonderful!
They nillt have been seasick." .V. Y.
Weekly.
Jinks --"By George! I've struck it.
I'll be rich in live years." Winks
"What at?" "Going to start an intel
ligence olVii-o?" "liali! Nothing new
about that." "Wait till you see me.
I'll have a regular line of cabs, and
send 'em around every morning to all
my customers " "What for?" "To
leave a fresh ;irl and take yesterday's
girl away. J;i.l think of it! For the
mistresses, a new girl every morning;
for the girls, a new place every day.
There's iniMi-Mis in it." '..
HUMAN NATURE.
A UeartlfftM "I.io Triilcn Willi it and
H f.itllr Ouit-t I nn.
Ilaa
There was a man at th Wabash
depot the other afternoon who took a
$0 bill out of his vest pocket and
spread it out on his knee and attentive
ly examined it. Then he took it over
to the window and held it to the pa 110
of glass and examined it still mora
critically. Then he went hack to hi
seat and said to the man on ids right,
who had become much interested, to
gether with half a dozen others.
"Well they say there has got to be a
first time with every bod-, but I
thought I had travelled far enough to
cut my eye teeth."
"Got stuck, eh?" queried
the other.
as he reached for the bill,
are not so much to blame.
"Well, you
That bill i
pretty well gotten up."
"Yes, fairly well, but feel of it. Does
it feel like a genuine greenback to
you?"
"N o, it doesn't, though I should
never have stopped to feel of it. I can
see how that it is rougher and coarser.",
"They might have passed that off on
me in the night," said a second man
who took up the bill, "but never by
daylight. I should have spotted it at
Once."
"Pretty well executed, isn't it?"
queried the owner.
"I don't think so. The inks used were
not first class, and the printing is bad.
I could tell it was queer, even if held
out at arm's length."
"Counterfeit, eh?" said the third
man. as he took the bill in his hands.
"Wall, now, I call that pooty well
done. I'd a taken that bill anywhar'
fur a good one."
"If somebody didn't take 'em fer
good," said a man with a pair of steel
bowed spectacles on. as he' joined the
group, "the counterfeiters couldn't
make a living. There are plenty of
yahoos still alive."
"Are you callin1 me a yahoo?" de
manded the third man.
"I'm only speaking in a general way.
I'd have spotted that bill among a
thousand. Just one look at the back
of it is enough for me. Whcre'd you
get it?"
"Can't tell," solemnly replied the
ownpr. "
"You ought to le mor careful." '
"Yes, I know." " '
"What are you going to do w ith it?"
"I think I'll try and p::sS it off on
some one. Let's see if the ticket man
will drop to it."
He advanced to the widow, bought
a ticket for a town fifty miles down
the road, and the ticket man pulled in
the bill made change like chain light
ning. Twenty people were watching,
and each drew a long breath and
opened his eyes. The owner of U13
bill coolly pocketed the change and
ticket and calmly sat dow n and open
ed a newspaper and began to read. It
was some time before the crowd tum
bled to the fact that it had been guy
ed. Then one by one, they sneaked
around or went out for fresh air. All
but one. It was the man who re
sented being called a yahoo. He went
over to the joker with a grin on his
face, slapped him on the back in a
hearty way- and said:
"It was a good joke, and it's jest
such adventures as this that make
travellin' around all-fired pleasanter
to me! Come out and have some
lemonade!" Detroit Free Press.
A Matter of Pride.
Small Boy "I wanter take gas."
Dentist "It is not usual to admin
ister gas for milk tooth, my boy. It
won't hurt but an instant."
"You've gotter gimme gas or I won't
have it pulled."
"You shouldn't be so afraid of being
hurt. Now sit right up here like a.
little man."
"I ain't 'fraid of bein' hurt. 'Tain't
that. I'm afraid I can't help givin' a
screech when it comes out."
'That won't matter."
"Yes, it will, too. All th' boys wot
I've ever licked is waitin' under th'
winder to hear me holler." Good
News.
Amber in Old Times.
During the reiim of Nero an exte-
pedition was sent from Rome to ex
plore the. amber-producing country,
and so successful was the party that a
nrount of 1 (MY nnnnds of nmhpr ww
brought back to the emneror. includ
ing a piece weighing thirteen tiounds.
A gold coin loses h per cent of ita
Talue in sixteen years of constant ue-
I