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About Plattsmouth weekly herald. (Plattsmouth, Nebraska) 1882-1892 | View Entire Issue (April 2, 1891)
'How fat I'd get if I had one."
FREE Get from your dealer free, the
Vi45o'k. It lias handsome pictures and
valuable information about horses.
Two or three dollars for a sa Ilorae
Blanket will make your horse worth mora
md eat lens to keep warm.
5A Five Mile
5A Boss Stable
5A Extra Test
30 other styles at prices to suit every
body. If you can't get them from your
tlealer. write us.
LY N ET
CHEAP AND STRONC.
I other styles A Net, price? to so', all
Wm. Aiiu & Sova, raT.ADKU'&iA
Bold by all " 'era. -
Republican France, and Russia,
the most despotic monarchy on the
globe have formed an offensive and
aetensive alliance. It is a queer
combination and will be watched
hy Europe with great interest. Ger
many grows nervous at the thought
of the menacing combination, while
Kngland becomes frightened lest
her Indian possessions slip from her
Senator Switzler has a good
cause of ac tion against the Lincoln
Call. Yesterday's paper contained
a picture (which had evidently been
obtained at the asylum) and labeled
Switzler. The mouth, which is open,
looks like Switzler, otherwise it is a
heinous libel, as people who have
read Switzler's speeches think the
picture must look like him and is
Dm you ever think of it? Nearly
tvery republican state in the Union
lias adopted ballot reform laws,
while not a single southern demo
cratic state has taken any interest
itx a fair ballot aud an honest count.
Only two northern democratic
states have engrafted an improved
ballot law into their statutes. This
may seem i range but 'tis more true
than Strang The party that howla
reform the loudest is oftimes the
ne that least desires it. The man
in the crowd that hurries along cry
ing "stop thief" is very often the
thief himself. These great, so
called, reformers as a rule are the
eriest rogues. And the party
which seeks to ride into power on a
false isue of reform cannot with
safety be trusted.
Mckinley on the home market.
Mr. McKinley, in a speech deliv
ered the other day at Rochester, N.
Yn answered the plea for free trade
made at the same place a few days
before by Roger Q. Mills. The latter
had afked for a free interchange be
tween the different states of the
Union was a good thing, why would
it not work well if applied in our
dealings with other nations. In the
course of his reply to this free-trade
argument lr. McKinley said:
"I see a difference between the
many governments of the earth.
"We are in a republic, associated tog-ether
like so many members of the
trame family. We must protect our
selves against the people of other
countries. This is according to the
dictates of patriotism and the doc
trine of the protective tariff. The
foreigner cannot be reached by
your tax-gatherer. Why should he
be admitted to your market free?
Why should we not make him pay
for the privilege of coming? He
has nothing iu common with us.
Why should wo not stop him at one
cnstoiH house? I tell you that wr
teiU never open our market to the
products of European labor until 1
the foreigners level up the condi
tion of their labor to ours. Then we
will meet them in the neutral mar
ket of the world then, and never
t -till then. Why should we give up
these markets to foreigners? They
are the best under the shining sun.
We consume more than any other
G2.000.000 people on the face of the
globe. We buy more because we
have more of the wherewithal to buy
than others, because our conditions
,give the rewards of trade to the la
borer." The silly logic of a leader of free
trade is seen to melt away as the
' mists before a morning sun. To
the practical, patriotic man who
thinks for himself, and gives the
"matter any attention, the theoretical
'beauties of free-trade are replaced
vby a thorough belief in the efficacy
c.f a protective tariff.
Why don't our neighbor sign a
petition asking the governor to veto
the rate bill." l.'iii.j:i.rt nave lost
all confidence in their governor ac
cording to the testimony of the
NEVADA'S population has de
creased from (2,'J'J0 in 1SS) to 41,701
in lH'.K). Think of a state with a
population smaller than the city of
Lincoln, with two IT. S. senators, a
governor and a full complement of
stale officers. Jt must be hard on
the tax payers to keep up such a
f:rce of a government.
Senator Gorman reports a bad
split in the south on the Cleveland
Hill quest ion. Hah! Go talk to the
winds Mr. Gorman, it will be as easy
for you to create dissention there
and bring on a cyclone, as it would
for the Southern democracy to show
signs of devot ion to principle suf'li
cient to make them do otherwisi
than vote blindly for a democrat.
The strike in the coke regions o
Pennsylvania continues unabated
and even seems to grow worse
The strikers thoroughly exasperate
and frenzied with rage have beei
using dynamite with deadly effect
Already thousands of dollars' wortl
of wronertv has been destroyed, and
the wildest excitement prevails
throughout the entire region.
THE governor has appointed II. J
Davis and Lee Kstelle, republicans
and Mr. Irvine and Mr. Ferguson
democrats, to the recently created
iudgeships in Douglas county. The
two places in Lancaster county are
not so easily filled. The bar being
almost unanimouslyrepublican at
Lincoln, it is said the governor does
not take much stock in their recom
Mr. Wokld-Herald, you must
have supported a "bloomin' daisy"
for governor that requires so much
of an effort on your part to keep him
straight. It would cast less reflec
tion on your jtidgment if you had
supported a man that had some
moral stamina, stood squarely on
the platform on whicn he was elect
ed, and that you reposed some con
Mr. Rosewater, of the Bee, has
concluded to earn the retainer
which he received from Boyd some
time ago by trying his hand with
the lawyers in arguing the eligibil
ity question. He utterly fails, how
ever, when he tries to parallel the
Nebraska case with that of General
3am Houston, who was made a
citizen by an act of congress taking
in a foreign territory. Nebraska
has been a part of the Union since
1813, and only its form of govern
ment was changed when it was ad
mitted to statehood in 1867. It
must be a weak case ihat can have
such silly grounds as Rosewater
advances to stand upon. If Boyd's
eligibility depends upon such trash
as Mr. Rosewater dishes up to us,
his tenure of office may be consid
It is aimusing to witness the
struggles of the free-trade organs
with the McKinley bill. The growth
of this measure in popularity is al
most as great a surprise to its
friends as it must have been to its
enemies, campaign prices turned
out to be campaign lies, and the
people are beginning to realize pha
ses of this bill which were almost
entirely overlooked in the campaign
last fall. First came the treaty with
Brazil, illustrating the automatic
reciprocity feature of the McKinley
bill. Within a few days the duty
will be abolished on sugar, and it
ia said the price will take a sudden
drop. Then there is that clause pro
viding for free importation of raw
material to be manufactured into
articles for export, giving the Amer
ican manufacturer equal footing
with his transatlantic competitors
for all foreign trade. Here we have
reciprocity, free sugar and free raw
material. The meaning of this is
an enormous reduction in the bur
den of taxation, advantageous terms
for the admission of American
goods into foreign markets, and
free raw material out of which to
manufacture these exports. Be
sides absolutely protecting the
home market, the McKinley bill has
thus reduced unnecessary taxation
and opened up important South
American markets to the products
of our soil, mines, workshops and
mills. ew xork Press. March 21.
PRICES AND THE FARMERS.
The aggregate of all farm pro
ducts which cost $100 in 1860 would
cost at this time in the same mar
ket $99.79, showing a decline of only
one-fifth of 1 per cent. But the ag
gregate of all other products, less
the internal taxes above specified,
which would have cost $100 in 1860,
would cost now only $76.43 for the
same article in the same market, a
decline of $28.57 on every $100. On
what the farmer sells, therefore, he
is getting about as much in New
York wholesale markets as he re
ceived thirty-one years ago, but on
all the products that he buys, taken
tother, he is paying 24 per cent
less than he paid in 1847). It ought
to be observed that the gain for the
farmers in nearly all parts of the
country is much greater than these
figures indicate, because the cost of
transportation has also been greatly
reduced, thus giving him a larger
share of the price obtainable iu the
seaboard markets for his products,
and also giving to him manufac
tured and imported products at less
advance above their cost at the sea
board. Hut if such has been the
general result of a protective policy
extended over a period of thirty
years, have not the protectionists
some right to gratitude if "the far
mer is on top"? For it is their
policy which has opened mills and
mines, factories and shops, employ
i g millions of workers, and thus
has enormously increased the home
de nand for farm products. New
i oik Tribune, November 20.
WHY PRICES OK TIN PLATES HAVE
A letter on the subject of tin
plates from Messrs. K. S. Wheeler &
Co. of New Haven, Conn., has beei
going the rounds of the free-trade
press, used as a text from which to
preach "reform" doctrine. The let
ter says that since the pasuge of
the McKinley bill was assured
prices of tin plates have advanced
$1.15 a box. The profit due to this
increase has amounted to $3,000,(XX),
it asserts, all of which was trans
ferred from the American consiim
er's to the British manufacturer's
The advance in prices simply il
lustrates how completely at the
mercy of the tin plate manufactu
rers we are, with no tin plate mills
of our own. The Welsh tin plate
makers met a few months ago and
determined to "make a box of plates
a rather costly commodity," and we
could not help ourselves. They saw
they had only a few months in
which to bleed us, and they set
about it right heroically.
The McKinley bill has not been
responsible for the advance, lin
plates have not been touched by the
new tariff, and they will not be
touched until next July. The ad
vance is due purely to speculation
and the rapacity of the foreign tin
plate maker. It is not the first time
we have been bled. Time and time
again have plates gone up in price
more rapidly and higher than since
the McKinley bill was passed.
According to figures furnished by
a tin plate dealer in New York City,
Mr. II. R. DeMilt, who took them
from the price-lists of Henry Nash
Sc Co. of Liverpool, recent fluctua
tions in tin plate prices, have been
Coke tin plates, per box. May
39, 1890 13s. 4Ktt..Or$a.2
Coke tin plates, per box, Dec.
2, 1190 17.. orW.H
0ke tin plates, per box.
March 15. 191 17s. Ad., or$4.M
This shows a fluctuation of $1.01
in ten months. Compare these
figures with the fluctuations of the
market at a time when no tariff
change had been even thought of:
Coke U tia plates, per box, June, 1179 $6.So
Coks tin plates, per box. Feb. 1 . 188 t.ot
Here was a rise of $3.50 in a box in
eight months, against $1.01 rise in
the last ten months. With new
mills in process of erection in this
country, the foreign manufacturers
have not dared to put up the price
so high as was their custom in the
good old days when the Yankee was
more content with the destiny
marked out for him by English
men viz., raising cheap cotton and
cereals and did not bother his
head about tin plate making and
other lines of industry supposed to
be beyond his intelligence and
skill. If the extortion of the British
manufacturers amounts to $3,000,
with the rise of about $1 a box, it
must have amounted to at least
$10,000,000 in 1880, when the price had
advanced $3.50 a box. Nor will the
McKinley bill atop with having re
duced the foreigner's extortion from
ten to three millions. Our own tin
plate mills are rapidly going up,
and Boon we will be entirely out of
the Welsh manufacturers' clutches.
Wait until the new tariff on tin
plates goes into effect, and then we
shall talk to the reformer some
more. American riconomtst.
It has been carefully figured out
that the United States has paid to
the Welsh tin syndicate over $307,-
000,000, a royal sum indeed if it had
been left in this country. The de
mand for more currency on the part
of the west would not be so urirent
f we had kept part of what we had.
Yet the democratic party is howling
mad because an effort has been
made to keep a part of the money
annually sent acroes the ocean, here
at home. This is a sample of dem
ocratic statesmanship that the read
ing public should understand.
Dick Berlin seems to have se
cured $S3,000 for river improvements
at Omaha, but the $50,000 specially
appropriated for this city two years
ago is still neiu uacx. it some one
in authority would give the com
mission a slice of the appropriation
we would doubtless have better
The pine that stands upon the wooded mo un tarn
(Jhjjih not ia ftUttnre In a single uay;
The uoLilu river ij)rin,T not iroui oue fountain.
Hut Kttlkors up ita btruiicth aluug its way.
The nloc hear for years the autumn's dirgea.
Iiefore it shows its blosaonw to the hkics;
The coral reef that brooks tho ocean's tturtcce
Through centuries of growth uiono.ran rio.
Thu, through her works. Dame Nature offer
f'.ir o ir acceptance one perniUmt thought,
Tis but by patient, nturly, brave endeavor
Tho Krcutcst. bout and grandest tiling are
, Housekeeper's Weekly.
Appetite n Good lotor.
When the health is fairly food, anc
re is no Kp"ci;il strain to bo put upon
system, uie normal anivTU" m.iy
trusted to indicate the kind and quantity
of food necessary to maintain that eon
dr.!' ii. rvali-rally the appetite varies
vith the chair;'; ng s-easons, and iinlcis it
indicates an i. treasonable extreme of in
duliieiice or ab.-tinence no attention
need !, paid to any other monitor
..inch uarm is done ty mju Ju-.ous or
rneiluL.'some ineuds stiggenung tuat a
jrsoii is too stout or too thin, too pal
or too ruddy, and serious disturbance
uf the t;.stem often follow the misvliicv
ous advice to take some bitters or pills
tr refrain from fattening food or drink.
raying attention to any or ttiese lacs ia
iike pl-tviri!' with Ore. If you ;.re ill
enough to seem to warrant any radio
change of diet or ar.v application of
me iicine, conduit your physician at once.
Above all, ..void ouack medicines. To
use tho opinion of n successful dealer in
them, whose bank balance ia more liberal
than his conscience, they are "made t
.31." Harper's Bazar.
"On which side of your mouth do yon
"What a question r
"Well, there ia much difference be
tween the masticating methods of peo
ple. It ia quite an interesting study too.
To me, in the restaurant business, I have
i host of subjects before me every day.
I think that a long and close experience
with men will support the conclnsion
that most people masticate with the teeth
on the left side of the jaw. A few peo
ple chew on the right side; most, how
ever, on the left How do I explain it?
Oh, it is partly habit, partly the result
of necessity, broken or defective teeth,
etc. Next time yon sit down to table
with a large party just notice the rari
cms and distinct waya in which the peo
ple present chew. It will surprise you
Not only do some chew ont loud, but
well, judge for yourself." Interview in
Detroit Free Press.
Great Men As Bofs,
Every one knows how, when Sir Wal
ter Scott was a boy, the future novelist
was lost during a thunderstorm, and
found by the alarmed searchers lying on
his back on the hillside looking at the
lightning, clapping hia hands at each
flash and exclaiming, "Bonnie! bonniel"
But a story of the same kind, with
Schiller, the German poet, as the hero,
is net bo well known. One day, while a
very small boy. a severe thunderstorm
came on; the boy was missed and could
nowhere be found. The whole house
hold searched for him, but It was not
until the storm was past that he was
Been descending from the top of a high
lime tree near the house. To the in
quiries of his father as to hia motives he
"I only wished to where all tha
fire came from." New York Ledger.
A Flue Sermon.
Young Master X is an observant youth
of 5. He returned from church, and
was Bent up stairs that his maid might
remove hia lordship's top coat. The fol
lowing conversation ensued, which I
dedicate respectfully to a certain well
Maid Were you a good little boy t
Yonne Master X Oh. yes. Mamma
said I was very still today.
Maid Did you have a fine 0070100 to
Young Master X I gaess we did. II
sounded like a very fine one, indeed!
"Out of the mouth of babes and sack
lings," etc Brooklyn Life.
Girts Who Bid auU Tmy.
Thompsonville girls stand a good deal
of chaffing because they go on sleighing
parties all by themselves and leave the
young men out. They retort thai they
can go and have a good time, and par
the bills, too, without asking any help
from the boys. They are not the Bfoign
ing parties that go hooting and howling
through the streets, waking folks up
after midnight, either. Springfield
Quia was once at a small dinner party.
The master of the house, pushing a de
licious pudding toward Quin, begged
him to taste it. A gentleman had just
before helped himself to an immense
piece of it. "Pray," said Quin, looking
first at the gentleman's plate and tben
at the dish, "which is the pudding?"
Ban Francisco Argonaut.
An alarm for telling when a ship
rtuches a predetermined depth of water
ia being tried aboard her majesty's ship
Rambler in the Red sea. It consists ef
a wire sounding apparatus it&ving a
sinker, which, on coming in contact with
the bottom, relieves the drum on board
Bhip and sounds a bell.
The air brake millionaire Westing-
house is a practical mechanic, being the
graduate of a machine shop, in which ho
spent hid youth. He is a skillful
draughtsman, and his remarkable men
ory for facts and figures enables him t
carry in his head the details of his vast
The form used by the king f Sweden
tn addressing the members of parlia
ment differs from that used by many
ither rulers. His speeches be.crin with.
Good gentlemen and Swedish men."
They end usually also wit-h, "The bloos
tcg of God be upon you, good genUemen
aad Swedish men,"
The Prejudice Against ftortors.
The old time prejudice a-jainut lYjiort
ers is fast parsing away. The ieneil and
notelwok scribe now finds littlo difficulty
in gaining access to any and every house
in town. This is wjjecially tho c;vo with
women reporters, who aro now chosen
from a cl.tss of jieoplo who would usiMn
think ot moral suicide as of violating a
confidence. Wl atever is told them they
resjx et and on y print that which m
actually intended for publication. Peo
ple have found 'his out from experience
and they have jrtined confidence accord
ingly. But soi:io of 1 his report ing is ter
ribly exacting wo: k and dii';j.-ult to 1 1 ; : i -age.
Tor example, Mi.-s Il-; ;r'-r fot.-s
to see Mrs. Iutervi'.-w about a forgery iu
which her broiler was implicated - not
actually jru;ily, you know, but drawn
into the cae i:i a questionable way, possi
bly receiving '! i.tni iM-'-. 1' -r 11 is w'.i'n when
the world s.-.id no :l.;:i ..nds were dee.
"Now, 111 t. 11 Vi.l coliliuel.t i..M v." be
gins Mrs. Iiiterviev.
"No, plea.se d m"t It 1! n-e , . i.,.' .. ; ;. .;,t;"
becair-e I sh:-.1! wj'i.t to ' e tv ::e4-'-
pers a fair account, a:i i I ca.i'i
you bind me in this way."
"Well, you can say that tlioi
were promised long ago and were given
to my bit;ter-in-law because she was of
service to Mrs. Blank when her last baby
was born. But please don't tell that."
"I think if you let me mention that
little fact every one will understand and
be in sympathy, and it will do your broth
er's side of the story lots of good."
"Oh, no! no, indeed! But you may tell
part of it."
And 60 the interview goes on, wearing
out the unhappy reporter, who must get
in her "story," and who is doing battle
between her newspaper instincts and the
betrayal of confidence. Try reporting a
little while if you think you can always
tell the right thing and withhold the
wrong. Just try it. Newj-ort News.
Under this title a writer in Tho At
lantic Monthly discourses upon the fanci
ful and grotesque dialect of the southern
negro. In the "plantation patois" are
many expressions which display genuine
humor aud a happy knack at picturesque
statement, as, for example, when an un
productive piece of ground is called
"failery Ian'," and an obedient and
tractable servant ah "orderly gal."
The favorite and indispensable bread
of the field hand that made of corn
meal is "John Constant," while wheaten
bread ia "Billy Seldom." Our word "ac
cuse becomes " scuse in the negro s
mouth. There are few of his race, alas
who nave not been, at some time or
other, "'scuse of a cow," "'scuse of
pig," " 'sense of a pa'r shoes" and so on
down the scale.
A half starved calf is a "calf dat's
been whipped wid de churn dasher."
To keep down grass ia to "fight wid
Gen al Green." A matter well accom
plished is "essentially done," as, for
instance, "Wheu she cooks, she des es
sentially cookd good." A proud person
is an "umptious somebody."
To live easily and happily is to live
"jolly and wid pleadjnre." To be ill is
to "have a misery." To be quite well is
to be "des sorter tollerble." Entertain
ing conversation is "mock-in bird talk."
lively tunes are "sinner songs," or
"reels," or "corn-hollers," "jump up
songs," or "chunea dat skip wid de
banjo." Religious songs are "member
songs" or "hymn chunes."
Not to be a church r.ember is to be
"settin on the sinner seat," "still in de
open fiel', " "drinkin de cup of damna
tion," and many other such phrases. To
enter the church is to "jine de band," to
"take up de cup er salvation," to "git a
seat wid de members," to be "gethered
in," to "put on a shine line gyannent,
and so on indefinitely.
A Woodorfal Mm.
Williams Kingston, of Ditch-heat,
Somersetshire. England, was "the most
wonderful of all that wondrous krew."
Concerning him a writer of The London
Chronicle says: I put half a sheet of pa
per, with pen and ink, on the floor before
him. He threw off hia shoes as he sat;
took the inkstand in the toes of his left
foot (having been born without arms),
and held the pen in those of the right.
He then wrote three fine lines better
than most can with the fingers. He feeds
himself, and can bring both his meat or
hia broth to his mouth by holding the
fork or spoon in hia toes. He showed
me how he shaves.
He can dress and undress himself. He is
a farmer by occupation; milks his cows
with his toes, cuts his own hay and
binds up the bundles and carries it
about the field for his cattle. In sad
dling and bridling his horse he does it
with his teeth. He is so strong in his
teeth that he can lift ten pecks of beans
with them, and he can throw a hammer
as far with his feet as most people can
with their hands.
The Babj's Bath.
Nursery conveniences have been sup
plemented by the introduction of a new
sponge basin. This is a pretty and deep
china bowl, decorated in quaint Green
away figures and divided into two dis
tinct receptacles by a porcelain partition.
Hot and cold water are thus directly at
nurse's hand, with a powder box and a
soap cup of a pattern to match. To fur
ther increase the usefulness of this novel
ty, small willowware 6tands in white and
gold are provided, on to which the sponge
bath may be lifted and readily trans
ported to any part of the room.
Huge but light weight willow woven
hampers, exquisitely trimmed with white
esprit and pale blue ribbons, are fitted
up with every known nursery luxury,
from an ivory and silver rattle to keep
the small bather quiet, to the day's ward
robe and a cushion fine enough for a
duchess toilet table; no single article is
lacking. The bassinet, with its low
swung rockers and graceful canopy, is
done up iu the same manner and leaves
the infant nothing to de?ire. Illustrated
A Pardonable Mistake.
Editor What is that proof you have
the Morse alphabet?
Assistant No; an interview with a
parrot. Puck. 1
CUiuftae Idaa AlMtt God.
A yonng lady who tiwlvs Sunday
school Jwjsons to two (Tliineso boys 1t an
Episcopal church on Fifth avenue. Hpe.-i Ic
ing of her work, said: "My two sons of
ih'j Flowery Kingdom cm; speak but lit
tle English, but I really think they hav
a good idea of Christ and hn mission on
earLh. They H'H-iii -ery apt at learning,
aritl kneel ami itad up at t h- proper
time during chiirvL service. Both of
t hi in w-.ar queues, though, and would
not part from them for any consider.ir
t ion. It tiHk me a longtime, to make
them understand that Christ wasdivino.
They imagined I had refereiieo merely
to his gooilncss. At fu'ni they imagined
: was an idol that had bieii found over
'l hundred years ago at JJethlo
tieiu, iii Judea, and Iwil been buried
,m '.--r being exposed on the cross, i'.nt'V
1 irii Mole'i and hidden by those wh:j
' 1 mi pp" 1 t he idol. It was hard to get
.-i.i a way fit 'Hi tie- Jt iss id.'.l
llt. j'.i- h ho imperfectly I
i.,;iil: tn tt i.s n drawback to their rapid
. Iv i aicnt. Inn of I hem asketl me if
was on i"i - 1 in In lea, as well as 1 1 in
!, .n. When I explained that tin y lived
nK.ve the d jiitl i an incredulous look
came upon the boys' faces, and one said,
'Meliean man hah tings way up.' I
could not deny that wo worshipped a
being far above us, but all around ua.
How long did it take me to make them
understand the divinity of Christ? Well,
nearly four years. They aro bright
boys." New York Herald.
Tim A vertigo Man.
One of the most galling tyrannies of
modern life is that of tho "average
man." Who ever saw tho average man?
Ls any one acquainted with any one w1k
ever did? Has any one auy reason to be
lieve that the average man ever existed?
The fact of the matter is that the aver
age man Ls a myth. He never did and
never will exist. lie is a philosophical
abstraction, a stage, property of tho meta
physician, a straw man et up to be wor
shiped or reviled, as the case may be.
Yet people always bow down to him and
talk in whiwpers about hia thoughts, his
moods, hia needs and desires. They are
rejoiced when he is supiosed to smile,
and are cast down when he frowns.
Statisticians burn the midnight oil in
order to "do buiiib" about him. States
men give up their lives to his service.
Political economists look solemn as they
take his measure. Physicians explain
) how he may keep well, and preachers ad
just the message of the gospel to his com
prehension. Yet, of all the myriads of
men who have ever lived each one differs
more or less from the supposed average
man. Who will deliver the world from
the tyrannical rule of the average man?
Cincinnati Commercial Gazette.
A Doomed Unfit.
Singers who "murder" music are usu
ally considered more guilty than the
music ia. The provoked Cincinnati
judge was not blaming the music, how
ever, when he turned the metaphor the
other way. j
His daughter and a young gentleman
caller frequently indulge in tuneful vocal
practice over the piano, and when they
get together in the parlor the j udge gets
in as remote a part of the house as pos
sible in order to avoid what he terms the
uproar. One evening they had been
even more devoted than usual to their
music, and on the following morning the
judge inquired of his daughter:
"What on earth was all that racket
you and yonr caller were making in the
parlor last evening?"
"Why, papa, Sam and I were trying a
"Trying a new duet, were you? Well,
from what I heard I should judge that
you found it guilty and inflicted the
heaviest penalty ou it." New York
Am Oht Now Orlojta Custom.
If you have plenty time to loaf and ob
serve everything that passes before your
gaze you will notice on nearly every post
in the French quarters there are little
hand bills tacked up and bearing the
heading "Decede." Beneath this there
is additional printing, all, however, ia
French. These are death notices, which
seemed to be used instead of tke newspa
pers to announce the invincible hand.
They state the hour of the funeral, etc,
and the name of the deceased.
As a general thing these notices are
tacked up all over the French section in
an hour after the person has died. . I no
ticed several upon which the printers'
ink had scarcely dried, and which an
nounced the demise of some unfortunate
which bad taken place only a few min
utes before. New Orleans Cor. Rich
The following is told of a judge before
whom a man was being tried for steal
ing a gold watch from a woman as she
was entering a 'bus. The man declared
the watch was his, and the woman was
Mistaken in identifying it as hers. Sud
denly the judge asked:
"Where's the keyr
The prisoner fumbled in his pockets,
and said he must have left it at home.
The judge asked him if he wound t)e
watch frequently with the key, and-he
Then a key was procured, watch and
key were handed to the prisoner, and he
was told to wind the watch. He opened
the case but could not find any place to
use tne Key, because the watch was a
keyless one. The sentence was five
years. London Tit-Bits.
Tho ThoagbtfDl Manager.
Mrs. De Style (in theatre box) What
was this placard, "No Loud Talking,"
put in our box for?
Mrs. Forundred (after reflection) I
presume the manager left it here so we
could show it to the people on the stage
when their chatter interrupts our con
veraauon. New York Weekly.
Th Red MVs Disappointment.
"Ugh!" said the Indian, in disgitft.
"What's the matter. Swallowtail?"
asked the agent.
"Big Injun chase white man four
mile. Want scalp. Catch white man.
U-ulil white man bald." Harper's Bfczar
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