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About Plattsmouth weekly herald. (Plattsmouth, Nebraska) 1882-1892 | View Entire Issue (April 2, 1891)
n it i 'How fat I'd get if I had one." FREE Get from your dealer free, the Vi45o'k. It lias handsome pictures and valuable information about horses. Two or three dollars for a sa Ilorae Blanket will make your horse worth mora md eat lens to keep warm. 5A Five Mile 5A Boss Stable 5A Electric 5A Extra Test Ask for 30 other styles at prices to suit every body. If you can't get them from your tlealer. write us. LY N ET CHEAP AND STRONC. I other styles A Net, price? to so', all Wm. Aiiu & Sova, raT.ADKU'&iA Bold by all " 'era. - Republican France, and Russia, the most despotic monarchy on the globe have formed an offensive and aetensive alliance. It is a queer combination and will be watched hy Europe with great interest. Ger many grows nervous at the thought of the menacing combination, while Kngland becomes frightened lest her Indian possessions slip from her grasp. Senator Switzler has a good cause of ac tion against the Lincoln Call. Yesterday's paper contained a picture (which had evidently been obtained at the asylum) and labeled Switzler. The mouth, which is open, looks like Switzler, otherwise it is a heinous libel, as people who have read Switzler's speeches think the picture must look like him and is really hie. Dm you ever think of it? Nearly tvery republican state in the Union lias adopted ballot reform laws, while not a single southern demo cratic state has taken any interest itx a fair ballot aud an honest count. Only two northern democratic states have engrafted an improved ballot law into their statutes. This may seem i range but 'tis more true than Strang The party that howla reform the loudest is oftimes the ne that least desires it. The man in the crowd that hurries along cry ing "stop thief" is very often the thief himself. These great, so called, reformers as a rule are the eriest rogues. And the party which seeks to ride into power on a false isue of reform cannot with safety be trusted. Mckinley on the home market. Mr. McKinley, in a speech deliv ered the other day at Rochester, N. Yn answered the plea for free trade made at the same place a few days before by Roger Q. Mills. The latter had afked for a free interchange be tween the different states of the Union was a good thing, why would it not work well if applied in our dealings with other nations. In the course of his reply to this free-trade argument lr. McKinley said: "I see a difference between the many governments of the earth. "We are in a republic, associated tog-ether like so many members of the trame family. We must protect our selves against the people of other countries. This is according to the dictates of patriotism and the doc trine of the protective tariff. The foreigner cannot be reached by your tax-gatherer. Why should he be admitted to your market free? Why should we not make him pay for the privilege of coming? He has nothing iu common with us. Why should wo not stop him at one cnstoiH house? I tell you that wr teiU never open our market to the products of European labor until 1 llPP& the foreigners level up the condi tion of their labor to ours. Then we will meet them in the neutral mar ket of the world then, and never t -till then. Why should we give up these markets to foreigners? They are the best under the shining sun. We consume more than any other G2.000.000 people on the face of the globe. We buy more because we have more of the wherewithal to buy than others, because our conditions ,give the rewards of trade to the la borer." The silly logic of a leader of free trade is seen to melt away as the ' mists before a morning sun. To the practical, patriotic man who thinks for himself, and gives the "matter any attention, the theoretical 'beauties of free-trade are replaced vby a thorough belief in the efficacy c.f a protective tariff. Why don't our neighbor sign a petition asking the governor to veto the rate bill." l.'iii.j:i.rt nave lost all confidence in their governor ac cording to the testimony of the Omaha organ. NEVADA'S population has de creased from (2,'J'J0 in 1SS) to 41,701 in lH'.K). Think of a state with a population smaller than the city of Lincoln, with two IT. S. senators, a governor and a full complement of stale officers. Jt must be hard on the tax payers to keep up such a f:rce of a government. Senator Gorman reports a bad split in the south on the Cleveland Hill quest ion. Hah! Go talk to the winds Mr. Gorman, it will be as easy for you to create dissention there and bring on a cyclone, as it would for the Southern democracy to show signs of devot ion to principle suf'li cient to make them do otherwisi than vote blindly for a democrat. The strike in the coke regions o Pennsylvania continues unabated and even seems to grow worse The strikers thoroughly exasperate and frenzied with rage have beei using dynamite with deadly effect Already thousands of dollars' wortl of wronertv has been destroyed, and the wildest excitement prevails throughout the entire region. THE governor has appointed II. J Davis and Lee Kstelle, republicans and Mr. Irvine and Mr. Ferguson democrats, to the recently created iudgeships in Douglas county. The two places in Lancaster county are not so easily filled. The bar being almost unanimouslyrepublican at Lincoln, it is said the governor does not take much stock in their recom mendation. Mr. Wokld-Herald, you must have supported a "bloomin' daisy" for governor that requires so much of an effort on your part to keep him straight. It would cast less reflec tion on your jtidgment if you had supported a man that had some moral stamina, stood squarely on the platform on whicn he was elect ed, and that you reposed some con fidence in. Mr. Rosewater, of the Bee, has concluded to earn the retainer which he received from Boyd some time ago by trying his hand with the lawyers in arguing the eligibil ity question. He utterly fails, how ever, when he tries to parallel the Nebraska case with that of General 3am Houston, who was made a citizen by an act of congress taking in a foreign territory. Nebraska has been a part of the Union since 1813, and only its form of govern ment was changed when it was ad mitted to statehood in 1867. It must be a weak case ihat can have such silly grounds as Rosewater advances to stand upon. If Boyd's eligibility depends upon such trash as Mr. Rosewater dishes up to us, his tenure of office may be consid ered short. It is aimusing to witness the struggles of the free-trade organs with the McKinley bill. The growth of this measure in popularity is al most as great a surprise to its friends as it must have been to its enemies, campaign prices turned out to be campaign lies, and the people are beginning to realize pha ses of this bill which were almost entirely overlooked in the campaign last fall. First came the treaty with Brazil, illustrating the automatic reciprocity feature of the McKinley bill. Within a few days the duty will be abolished on sugar, and it ia said the price will take a sudden drop. Then there is that clause pro viding for free importation of raw material to be manufactured into articles for export, giving the Amer ican manufacturer equal footing with his transatlantic competitors for all foreign trade. Here we have reciprocity, free sugar and free raw material. The meaning of this is an enormous reduction in the bur den of taxation, advantageous terms for the admission of American goods into foreign markets, and free raw material out of which to manufacture these exports. Be sides absolutely protecting the home market, the McKinley bill has thus reduced unnecessary taxation and opened up important South American markets to the products of our soil, mines, workshops and mills. ew xork Press. March 21. PRICES AND THE FARMERS. The aggregate of all farm pro ducts which cost $100 in 1860 would cost at this time in the same mar ket $99.79, showing a decline of only one-fifth of 1 per cent. But the ag gregate of all other products, less the internal taxes above specified, which would have cost $100 in 1860, would cost now only $76.43 for the same article in the same market, a decline of $28.57 on every $100. On what the farmer sells, therefore, he is getting about as much in New York wholesale markets as he re ceived thirty-one years ago, but on all the products that he buys, taken tother, he is paying 24 per cent less than he paid in 1847). It ought to be observed that the gain for the farmers in nearly all parts of the country is much greater than these figures indicate, because the cost of transportation has also been greatly reduced, thus giving him a larger share of the price obtainable iu the seaboard markets for his products, and also giving to him manufac tured and imported products at less advance above their cost at the sea board. Hut if such has been the general result of a protective policy extended over a period of thirty years, have not the protectionists some right to gratitude if "the far mer is on top"? For it is their policy which has opened mills and mines, factories and shops, employ i g millions of workers, and thus has enormously increased the home de nand for farm products. New i oik Tribune, November 20. WHY PRICES OK TIN PLATES HAVE RISEN. A letter on the subject of tin plates from Messrs. K. S. Wheeler & Co. of New Haven, Conn., has beei going the rounds of the free-trade press, used as a text from which to preach "reform" doctrine. The let ter says that since the pasuge of the McKinley bill was assured prices of tin plates have advanced $1.15 a box. The profit due to this increase has amounted to $3,000,(XX), it asserts, all of which was trans ferred from the American consiim er's to the British manufacturer's pocket. The advance in prices simply il lustrates how completely at the mercy of the tin plate manufactu rers we are, with no tin plate mills of our own. The Welsh tin plate makers met a few months ago and determined to "make a box of plates a rather costly commodity," and we could not help ourselves. They saw they had only a few months in which to bleed us, and they set about it right heroically. The McKinley bill has not been responsible for the advance, lin plates have not been touched by the new tariff, and they will not be touched until next July. The ad vance is due purely to speculation and the rapacity of the foreign tin plate maker. It is not the first time we have been bled. Time and time again have plates gone up in price more rapidly and higher than since the McKinley bill was passed. According to figures furnished by a tin plate dealer in New York City, Mr. II. R. DeMilt, who took them from the price-lists of Henry Nash Sc Co. of Liverpool, recent fluctua tions in tin plate prices, have been as follows: Coke tin plates, per box. May 39, 1890 13s. 4Ktt..Or$a.2 Coke tin plates, per box, Dec. 2, 1190 17.. orW.H 0ke tin plates, per box. March 15. 191 17s. Ad., or$4.M This shows a fluctuation of $1.01 in ten months. Compare these figures with the fluctuations of the market at a time when no tariff change had been even thought of: Coke U tia plates, per box, June, 1179 $6.So Coks tin plates, per box. Feb. 1 . 188 t.ot Here was a rise of $3.50 in a box in eight months, against $1.01 rise in the last ten months. With new mills in process of erection in this country, the foreign manufacturers have not dared to put up the price so high as was their custom in the good old days when the Yankee was more content with the destiny marked out for him by English men viz., raising cheap cotton and cereals and did not bother his head about tin plate making and other lines of industry supposed to be beyond his intelligence and skill. If the extortion of the British manufacturers amounts to $3,000, with the rise of about $1 a box, it must have amounted to at least $10,000,000 in 1880, when the price had advanced $3.50 a box. Nor will the McKinley bill atop with having re duced the foreigner's extortion from ten to three millions. Our own tin plate mills are rapidly going up, and Boon we will be entirely out of the Welsh manufacturers' clutches. Wait until the new tariff on tin plates goes into effect, and then we shall talk to the reformer some more. American riconomtst. It has been carefully figured out that the United States has paid to the Welsh tin syndicate over $307,- 000,000, a royal sum indeed if it had been left in this country. The de mand for more currency on the part of the west would not be so urirent f we had kept part of what we had. Yet the democratic party is howling mad because an effort has been made to keep a part of the money annually sent acroes the ocean, here at home. This is a sample of dem ocratic statesmanship that the read ing public should understand. Dick Berlin seems to have se cured $S3,000 for river improvements at Omaha, but the $50,000 specially appropriated for this city two years ago is still neiu uacx. it some one in authority would give the com mission a slice of the appropriation we would doubtless have better success. PERSEVERANCE. The pine that stands upon the wooded mo un tarn (Jhjjih not ia ftUttnre In a single uay; The uoLilu river ij)rin,T not iroui oue fountain. Hut Kttlkors up ita btruiicth aluug its way. The nloc hear for years the autumn's dirgea. Iiefore it shows its blosaonw to the hkics; The coral reef that brooks tho ocean's tturtcce Through centuries of growth uiono.ran rio. Thu, through her works. Dame Nature offer ever f'.ir o ir acceptance one perniUmt thought, Tis but by patient, nturly, brave endeavor Tho Krcutcst. bout and grandest tiling are wrought. , Housekeeper's Weekly. Appetite n Good lotor. When the health is fairly food, anc re is no Kp"ci;il strain to bo put upon .It: system, uie normal anivTU" m.iy trusted to indicate the kind and quantity of food necessary to maintain that eon dr.!' ii. rvali-rally the appetite varies vith the chair;'; ng s-easons, and iinlcis it indicates an i. treasonable extreme of in duliieiice or ab.-tinence no attention need !, paid to any other monitor ..inch uarm is done ty mju Ju-.ous or rneiluL.'some ineuds stiggenung tuat a jrsoii is too stout or too thin, too pal or too ruddy, and serious disturbance uf the t;.stem often follow the misvliicv ous advice to take some bitters or pills tr refrain from fattening food or drink. raying attention to any or ttiese lacs ia iike pl-tviri!' with Ore. If you ;.re ill enough to seem to warrant any radio change of diet or ar.v application of me iicine, conduit your physician at once. Above all, ..void ouack medicines. To use tho opinion of n successful dealer in them, whose bank balance ia more liberal than his conscience, they are "made t .31." Harper's Bazar. Chewing:. "On which side of your mouth do yon ,-iiewr "What a question r "Well, there ia much difference be tween the masticating methods of peo ple. It ia quite an interesting study too. To me, in the restaurant business, I have i host of subjects before me every day. I think that a long and close experience with men will support the conclnsion that most people masticate with the teeth on the left side of the jaw. A few peo ple chew on the right side; most, how ever, on the left How do I explain it? Oh, it is partly habit, partly the result of necessity, broken or defective teeth, etc. Next time yon sit down to table with a large party just notice the rari cms and distinct waya in which the peo ple present chew. It will surprise you Not only do some chew ont loud, but well, judge for yourself." Interview in Detroit Free Press. Great Men As Bofs, Every one knows how, when Sir Wal ter Scott was a boy, the future novelist was lost during a thunderstorm, and found by the alarmed searchers lying on his back on the hillside looking at the lightning, clapping hia hands at each flash and exclaiming, "Bonnie! bonniel" But a story of the same kind, with Schiller, the German poet, as the hero, is net bo well known. One day, while a very small boy. a severe thunderstorm came on; the boy was missed and could nowhere be found. The whole house hold searched for him, but It was not until the storm was past that he was Been descending from the top of a high lime tree near the house. To the in quiries of his father as to hia motives he replied: "I only wished to where all tha fire came from." New York Ledger. A Flue Sermon. Young Master X is an observant youth of 5. He returned from church, and was Bent up stairs that his maid might remove hia lordship's top coat. The fol lowing conversation ensued, which I dedicate respectfully to a certain well known clergyman: Maid Were you a good little boy t church today? Yonne Master X Oh. yes. Mamma said I was very still today. Maid Did you have a fine 0070100 to day? Young Master X I gaess we did. II sounded like a very fine one, indeed! "Out of the mouth of babes and sack lings," etc Brooklyn Life. Girts Who Bid auU Tmy. Thompsonville girls stand a good deal of chaffing because they go on sleighing parties all by themselves and leave the young men out. They retort thai they can go and have a good time, and par the bills, too, without asking any help from the boys. They are not the Bfoign ing parties that go hooting and howling through the streets, waking folks up after midnight, either. Springfield (Mass.) Homestead. In Doubt. Quia was once at a small dinner party. The master of the house, pushing a de licious pudding toward Quin, begged him to taste it. A gentleman had just before helped himself to an immense piece of it. "Pray," said Quin, looking first at the gentleman's plate and tben at the dish, "which is the pudding?" Ban Francisco Argonaut. An alarm for telling when a ship rtuches a predetermined depth of water ia being tried aboard her majesty's ship Rambler in the Red sea. It consists ef a wire sounding apparatus it&ving a sinker, which, on coming in contact with the bottom, relieves the drum on board Bhip and sounds a bell. The air brake millionaire Westing- house is a practical mechanic, being the graduate of a machine shop, in which ho spent hid youth. He is a skillful draughtsman, and his remarkable men ory for facts and figures enables him t carry in his head the details of his vast business enterprises. The form used by the king f Sweden tn addressing the members of parlia ment differs from that used by many ither rulers. His speeches be.crin with. Good gentlemen and Swedish men." They end usually also wit-h, "The bloos tcg of God be upon you, good genUemen aad Swedish men," The Prejudice Against ftortors. The old time prejudice a-jainut lYjiort ers is fast parsing away. The ieneil and notelwok scribe now finds littlo difficulty in gaining access to any and every house in town. This is wjjecially tho c;vo with women reporters, who aro now chosen from a cl.tss of jieoplo who would usiMn think ot moral suicide as of violating a confidence. Wl atever is told them they resjx et and on y print that which m actually intended for publication. Peo ple have found 'his out from experience and they have jrtined confidence accord ingly. But soi:io of 1 his report ing is ter ribly exacting wo: k and dii';j.-ult to 1 1 ; : i -age. Tor example, Mi.-s Il-; ;r'-r fot.-s to see Mrs. Iutervi'.-w about a forgery iu which her broiler was implicated - not actually jru;ily, you know, but drawn into the cae i:i a questionable way, possi bly receiving '! i.tni iM-'-. 1' -r 11 is w'.i'n when the world s.-.id no :l.;:i ..nds were dee. "Now, 111 t. 11 Vi.l coliliuel.t i..M v." be gins Mrs. Iiiterviev. "No, plea.se d m"t It 1! n-e , . i.,.' .. ; ;. .;,t;" becair-e I sh:-.1! wj'i.t to ' e tv ::e4-'- pers a fair account, a:i i I ca.i'i you bind me in this way." "Well, you can say that tlioi were promised long ago and were given to my bit;ter-in-law because she was of service to Mrs. Blank when her last baby was born. But please don't tell that." "I think if you let me mention that little fact every one will understand and be in sympathy, and it will do your broth er's side of the story lots of good." "Oh, no! no, indeed! But you may tell part of it." And 60 the interview goes on, wearing out the unhappy reporter, who must get in her "story," and who is doing battle between her newspaper instincts and the betrayal of confidence. Try reporting a little while if you think you can always tell the right thing and withhold the wrong. Just try it. Newj-ort News. Word Shadows. Under this title a writer in Tho At lantic Monthly discourses upon the fanci ful and grotesque dialect of the southern negro. In the "plantation patois" are many expressions which display genuine humor aud a happy knack at picturesque statement, as, for example, when an un productive piece of ground is called "failery Ian'," and an obedient and tractable servant ah "orderly gal." The favorite and indispensable bread of the field hand that made of corn meal is "John Constant," while wheaten bread ia "Billy Seldom." Our word "ac cuse becomes " scuse in the negro s mouth. There are few of his race, alas who nave not been, at some time or other, "'scuse of a cow," "'scuse of pig," " 'sense of a pa'r shoes" and so on down the scale. A half starved calf is a "calf dat's been whipped wid de churn dasher." To keep down grass ia to "fight wid Gen al Green." A matter well accom plished is "essentially done," as, for instance, "Wheu she cooks, she des es sentially cookd good." A proud person is an "umptious somebody." To live easily and happily is to live "jolly and wid pleadjnre." To be ill is to "have a misery." To be quite well is to be "des sorter tollerble." Entertain ing conversation is "mock-in bird talk." lively tunes are "sinner songs," or "reels," or "corn-hollers," "jump up songs," or "chunea dat skip wid de banjo." Religious songs are "member songs" or "hymn chunes." Not to be a church r.ember is to be "settin on the sinner seat," "still in de open fiel', " "drinkin de cup of damna tion," and many other such phrases. To enter the church is to "jine de band," to "take up de cup er salvation," to "git a seat wid de members," to be "gethered in," to "put on a shine line gyannent, and so on indefinitely. A Woodorfal Mm. Williams Kingston, of Ditch-heat, Somersetshire. England, was "the most wonderful of all that wondrous krew." Concerning him a writer of The London Chronicle says: I put half a sheet of pa per, with pen and ink, on the floor before him. He threw off hia shoes as he sat; took the inkstand in the toes of his left foot (having been born without arms), and held the pen in those of the right. He then wrote three fine lines better than most can with the fingers. He feeds himself, and can bring both his meat or hia broth to his mouth by holding the fork or spoon in hia toes. He showed me how he shaves. He can dress and undress himself. He is a farmer by occupation; milks his cows with his toes, cuts his own hay and binds up the bundles and carries it about the field for his cattle. In sad dling and bridling his horse he does it with his teeth. He is so strong in his teeth that he can lift ten pecks of beans with them, and he can throw a hammer as far with his feet as most people can with their hands. The Babj's Bath. Nursery conveniences have been sup plemented by the introduction of a new sponge basin. This is a pretty and deep china bowl, decorated in quaint Green away figures and divided into two dis tinct receptacles by a porcelain partition. Hot and cold water are thus directly at nurse's hand, with a powder box and a soap cup of a pattern to match. To fur ther increase the usefulness of this novel ty, small willowware 6tands in white and gold are provided, on to which the sponge bath may be lifted and readily trans ported to any part of the room. Huge but light weight willow woven hampers, exquisitely trimmed with white esprit and pale blue ribbons, are fitted up with every known nursery luxury, from an ivory and silver rattle to keep the small bather quiet, to the day's ward robe and a cushion fine enough for a duchess toilet table; no single article is lacking. The bassinet, with its low swung rockers and graceful canopy, is done up iu the same manner and leaves the infant nothing to de?ire. Illustrated American. A Pardonable Mistake. Editor What is that proof you have the Morse alphabet? Assistant No; an interview with a parrot. Puck. 1 CUiuftae Idaa AlMtt God. A yonng lady who tiwlvs Sunday school Jwjsons to two (Tliineso boys 1t an Episcopal church on Fifth avenue. Hpe.-i Ic ing of her work, said: "My two sons of ih'j Flowery Kingdom cm; speak but lit tle English, but I really think they hav a good idea of Christ and hn mission on earLh. They H'H-iii -ery apt at learning, aritl kneel ami itad up at t h- proper time during chiirvL service. Both of t hi in w-.ar queues, though, and would not part from them for any consider.ir t ion. It tiHk me a longtime, to make them understand that Christ wasdivino. They imagined I had refereiieo merely to his gooilncss. At fu'ni they imagined : was an idol that had bieii found over 'l hundred years ago at JJethlo tieiu, iii Judea, and Iwil been buried ,m '.--r being exposed on the cross, i'.nt'V 1 irii Mole'i and hidden by those wh:j ' 1 mi pp" 1 t he idol. It was hard to get .-i.i a way fit 'Hi tie- Jt iss id.'.l llt. j'.i- h ho imperfectly I i.,;iil: tn tt i.s n drawback to their rapid . Iv i aicnt. Inn of I hem asketl me if was on i"i - 1 in In lea, as well as 1 1 in !, .n. When I explained that tin y lived nK.ve the d jiitl i an incredulous look came upon the boys' faces, and one said, 'Meliean man hah tings way up.' I could not deny that wo worshipped a being far above us, but all around ua. How long did it take me to make them understand the divinity of Christ? Well, nearly four years. They aro bright boys." New York Herald. Tim A vertigo Man. One of the most galling tyrannies of modern life is that of tho "average man." Who ever saw tho average man? Ls any one acquainted with any one w1k ever did? Has any one auy reason to be lieve that the average man ever existed? The fact of the matter is that the aver age man Ls a myth. He never did and never will exist. lie is a philosophical abstraction, a stage, property of tho meta physician, a straw man et up to be wor shiped or reviled, as the case may be. Yet people always bow down to him and talk in whiwpers about hia thoughts, his moods, hia needs and desires. They are rejoiced when he is supiosed to smile, and are cast down when he frowns. Statisticians burn the midnight oil in order to "do buiiib" about him. States men give up their lives to his service. Political economists look solemn as they take his measure. Physicians explain ) how he may keep well, and preachers ad just the message of the gospel to his com prehension. Yet, of all the myriads of men who have ever lived each one differs more or less from the supposed average man. Who will deliver the world from the tyrannical rule of the average man? Cincinnati Commercial Gazette. A Doomed Unfit. Singers who "murder" music are usu ally considered more guilty than the music ia. The provoked Cincinnati judge was not blaming the music, how ever, when he turned the metaphor the other way. j His daughter and a young gentleman caller frequently indulge in tuneful vocal practice over the piano, and when they get together in the parlor the j udge gets in as remote a part of the house as pos sible in order to avoid what he terms the uproar. One evening they had been even more devoted than usual to their music, and on the following morning the judge inquired of his daughter: "What on earth was all that racket you and yonr caller were making in the parlor last evening?" "Why, papa, Sam and I were trying a new duet." "Trying a new duet, were you? Well, from what I heard I should judge that you found it guilty and inflicted the heaviest penalty ou it." New York Tunes. Am Oht Now Orlojta Custom. If you have plenty time to loaf and ob serve everything that passes before your gaze you will notice on nearly every post in the French quarters there are little hand bills tacked up and bearing the heading "Decede." Beneath this there is additional printing, all, however, ia French. These are death notices, which seemed to be used instead of tke newspa pers to announce the invincible hand. They state the hour of the funeral, etc, and the name of the deceased. As a general thing these notices are tacked up all over the French section in an hour after the person has died. . I no ticed several upon which the printers' ink had scarcely dried, and which an nounced the demise of some unfortunate which bad taken place only a few min utes before. New Orleans Cor. Rich mond Dispatch. Ntlr Caught. The following is told of a judge before whom a man was being tried for steal ing a gold watch from a woman as she was entering a 'bus. The man declared the watch was his, and the woman was Mistaken in identifying it as hers. Sud denly the judge asked: "Where's the keyr The prisoner fumbled in his pockets, and said he must have left it at home. The judge asked him if he wound t)e watch frequently with the key, and-he said "Yea." Then a key was procured, watch and key were handed to the prisoner, and he was told to wind the watch. He opened the case but could not find any place to use tne Key, because the watch was a keyless one. The sentence was five years. London Tit-Bits. Tho ThoagbtfDl Manager. Mrs. De Style (in theatre box) What was this placard, "No Loud Talking," put in our box for? Mrs. Forundred (after reflection) I presume the manager left it here so we could show it to the people on the stage when their chatter interrupts our con veraauon. New York Weekly. Th Red MVs Disappointment. "Ugh!" said the Indian, in disgitft. "What's the matter. Swallowtail?" asked the agent. "Big Injun chase white man four mile. Want scalp. Catch white man. U-ulil white man bald." Harper's Bfczar '! v Ji V: 1 1 i V J. 1 1 - 1 0