4
rLATTSMO 0TI1 WEEKLV 11EKALD, TlltJKSDAY, SEPTEMBER g, 1887.
KNOTTS BROS,
Publishers & Proprietors.
REVENGE IS SWEET.
So Thought the Wife of a San Fran
cisco Millionaire.
Canon (Nev.) Appeal.
A few days ago a lady from San Fran
cisco, who had a very solid bank ac
count, went to Lake Tahoo on a pleasure
trip with her daughter. She concluded
that she would hayo a good time, and
accordingly took along some plafn ser
viceable clothes and no jewelry. When
she struck one of the fashionable resorts
she found herself in the midst of a lot of
people making a vulvar display of jewel
ry and diamonds, and every time she
turned around she was the subject of tho
most unmerciful snubbing. She was put
off in an obscure corner to eat, and not
one of the f ashionable guests condescend
ed to show her the slightest civility.
Tho lady bit her lips for a few days, took
in the situation, and with true feminine
instinct decided on revenge. She drop
ped a line below, and presently there
were deposited at the hotel twelve Sara
toga trunks, way billed to her address.
She and her daughter retired to their
rooms, and that evening came down to
the dining room in a blaze of Jace and
diamonds that took everybody's breath
away. No such gorgeous or tasty toilets
had ever bewildered the guests of that
hotel before. It blinded the eye to look
at the pair as they quietly entered the
room. The steward, after recovering his
poise, rushed forward and pulled out
two chairs from the most fashionable
table in the hotel. She shook her head
and replied: "The old table will do,"
. and went to the obscure corner, where
she had eaten all the time.
The utmost consternation spread
through the dining room, and the low
linm of voices rose to a fashionable buzz
as they warmly discussed the situation.
Wasn't it awful? They had been snub
bing a woman and her daughter all the
week who could outdress them all. In
the eyening they attempted to hedge, but
couldn't to any considerable extent. The
dudes tried to shine up to the girl, but
she wouldn't have it, and those who tried
to scrape an acquaintance with the moth
er found it like trying to run a funeral
into an iceberg. For a while she flashed
like a comet through that hotel into a
constant change of ravishing toilets, each
more costly and bewildering than the
others, until, like the kings who pedes
tranized in Macbeth, they threatened to
j stretch oufuntil the crack of doom.
At the end of the week it was learned
from the chambermaid that she had only
gone through half of her immense Sara
togas. There were several women who had
displayed at least a dozen different toi
lets, and they felt that they would just
die if she beat their record. But she kept
right on, and when she was three ahead
of their score they packed up and left.
One by one she vanquished the leaders,
and the rank and file capitulated, display
ing the rarest generalship imaginable.
If Mrs. appeared in any special color
to make a spread in the morning, she
adopted that color at once, only in a dress
that eclipsed the other as the sun out
shines the stars.
She was the absolute John Sullivan of
the toilet ring, and knocked out all who
had the temerity to stand before her.
The last of her opponents was a red fac
ed, vulgarly dressed woman from San
Francisco, whose flashy toilets had attract
ed general attention and admiration from
persons ignorant of harmony and color.
Whatever dress this woman donned in
the morning the fashionable Nemesis was
on her trail with a color that literally
killed the other. The heretofore cock
of the walk was unable to stand her de
feat, and, packing her trunks, started
home.
The army of snobs was routed, and one
by one dropped out of sight. They just
settled up and quit. Then the quiet lit
tle lady resumed her plain clothes, put
on an old straw hat with her daughter
and went fishing. As the last gang left
she absolutely had the coolness to be
down at the wharf fishing in an old cali
co dress, cotton gloves and straw hat.
The landlord considered that she liter
ally cleaned his place out, and she thinks
she had an awful lot of fun.
point; the other is tho CharwelL I be
lieve they call the latter creek the Char-
well. They never pronounce any thing
more than half-way right at Oxford. I
have often wondered why this is, and
have come to tho conclusion that it is
through lack of educational instructions
in that town. Something really ought to
be done to bring up the standard of ed
ucation in Oxford, and I for one am will
ing to contribute liberally for that pur
pose, for many a jolly day I have spent
in that town. Still it saddens me to
hear the men pronounce Thames "Isis"
and call Magdaline College "Maudlin."
"Maudlin is too suggestive of the condi
tion of the "men" after a night out.
The casual visitor to Oxford sees the
colleges and other stock sights of the
city, out you naye to know a "man" or
two to really get at the life of the place.
What tourist, for instance, has ever had
a plunge at "Parson's Pleasure? Not one
in 10,000, I venture to say. The morn
ing is the time to visit "Paison's Pleasure. "
A "man" asked me to go with him. I
afterward learned that he thought no
American could swim, and expected to
have the pleasure of seeing ,me drown.
Ihate to disappoint any one, but I had
to on this occasion.
We went along by a pretty park which
belongs to the town or some college,
and then entered a long narrow lane that
leads to Mesopotamia. Mesopotamia,
the "man" told me was a scriptural term
signifying the "land between two waters,"
and the Ox ford Mesopotamia is a path
that is bordered on each side by a rush
ing stream. A very pleasant walk it is,
a green arcade with views between the
trees of the noble domes and towers of
the classic city in the distance.
Before arriving at this path between
the waters we turned in at the gate in
the thick hedge and were at "Parson's
Pleasure.
As we went there we met hosts of earlier
men, mostly in their boating flannels and
each with a damp towel over his shoul
ders, for it is Oxford ettiquette to bring
your own towel.
At the "Pleasure" were a number of
small boxes on the "standing room only"
principle, and these rooms were the di
visions of a shed that formed a sort of a
wall on two sides of the grounds. I
think there is a small fee paid to the
person in charge I didn,t pay it so I
can,t say for certain but any how he
opened the door of one of the upright
boxes and placed at my disposal a pair
of abbreviated cotton pantaloons.
There is a green lawn in the V-like en
closure, and flowing past the lawn is the
clear Cherwell. There is a dam some
distance below and the water here is
broad and deep. The Oxford man does
not go gingerly into the water. He takes
a run from the. door of his box and
plunges head tirst with a terrific splash
right into the depths, or he goes to the
spring board and flies into the air, turn
ing a somersault and coming down ker
plunk into the river. A rope is stretched
across, and by hanging on that a timid
non-swimmer may save his life, for the
old Cherwell is pretty deep at this point.
There is a sort of a lookeiy up in a
tree that hangs over the water, and the
"men" climb up to this platform and
drop down unexpectedly here and there.
In fact, "Parson.s Pleasure" is the most
exciting place I ever swam in, for you
have to be continually on the lookout
for men of high educational attainments
who come plunging in around you in all
directions.
Why is this place called "Parson's
Pleasure?"
You will have to ask me an easier one
than that I don't suppose any ore
knows. There is a legend in Oxford that
the French used to take headers there
and called it" Parisian Plaisir," and
that "Parson's Pleasure" is a corrupption
of this term. However that may be it
is one of the finest places in the world in
which to take a plunge on a hot day.
year until it is almost indispensable,
i or several years, also, the circus was
kept out of Wyoming territory by ahig
liccnne which amonnted to prohibition
and if the people of Wyoming hadn'
had an Indian scare that they could turn
to they would have suffered.
The Indian is the Nation's ward kin
of a doubtful ward, as it were but he is
a great boon to the newspaper man, who
naturally gets tired of pool and picnic
at tins season, una pines tor almost any
thing that will give him a change It is
sate to say that the Ute outbreak will
turn out, upon close investigation, to be
nothing more than prickly heat.
It is not presuming too inucli to say
that human life will bo perfectly safe as
far west as St. Louis, and even those who
dwell as far west as Omaha and Denver
will run no risk of being killed by
Indians if they will come home by
o'clock p. m.
Indians arc not so ierocious as many
suppose them to be, auy way. We have
seen the Indians of Buffalo Bill, and they
were very pleasant to meet. Tliev are
not intellectual, of course, and they want
to ride in a hotel elevator all tho time
when they are not drunk, but they be
haved well here and won the English
heart. It is claimed that by another year
the common frontier American blue eyed
flea will be as cooramon in England as it
j l j j a -a . .
s now in me leiruones. Ana yet Jt is
claimed that the Indian is coldand.back
ward in society and desirous of inauger
ating an outbreak.
The Ute has been almost always friend
ly to the whites, aud has repeatedly as
aisted the white man in fighting the war
like Sioux.
The price of good available lots facing
south ought not to be reduced either at
Kansas City or Omaha on account of a
pending Ute outbreak, and the St. Paul
man who refuses to bring in the washing
from the clothes line after 9 o'clock be
cause he is a ."raid of Indians is just trif
ling with the tender feelings of his wife.
THE DARK-RED INDIAN.
Graphic and Re-assurlng Observa
tions on the "Ute Outbreak."
The Place Where the "MeiV'of Ox
ford Take a Plunge.
rrbm the Detroit Free Tress.
There is one place in the vain world
where you can never "go out with the
boys." That place is Oxford. When a
beardless youth joins the University as a
student he is from that moment a "man."
A "man" in Oxford means an undergrad
uate. If you told an Oxford resident
that you met a man or that you were go
ing out to see a man, he would not un
derstand from the latter phrase that you
.-were about to take a drink, as" an Amer
ican would interpet it, but would think
Bill Nye in the New York World: The
regular form of annual hydrophobia
known as the Ute outbreak has followed
the sea serpent, the paragraph about the
watermelon and other current items. As
a matter of fact the Utes haye done more
to make newspaper life desirable than
"Constant Reader," "Veritas," and "Tax
payer" all put together. You can always
bet on a Ute outbreak and write it up
when you feel like it, as long beforehand
as you wish, and the Ute will not ask you
to retract.
Old man Colorow is like the regular
army, lie is brave, but lie nasn t got
help enough. lie is a man of great nerve
and enjoys carnage, provided it is furn
ished by some one else. He is said by
those who have met him to be a very
"low-sot" man, with a powder-burned
face and a desire to outlive as many
white men as possible.
But the Utes are not strong enough to
do any special damage, and it is very
likely they have no special notion of it.
They are a measly set, and still they are
you were about to interview a student.
Two respectable creeks join at Oxford.
They call them rivers there, but that is not likely to break out
just their fun. The one is the Thames, It has been customary to have an In
Vhich Oxford calls the "Isis" at that I dian scare in the Rocky mountains every
In A Bad Way.
The American running turf appeals to
be getting in a very bad way, which is
natural enough wrhen one considers that
as now conducted its sole object appears
to be the furnishing of an excuse for peo
ple to bet vast sums of money. Of course
where there is opportunity to win for
tunes by winning with a Loire there are
also cnances to secure a modest compe
tency by having him pilled when he is a
favorite ?n the betting by reason of pre
vious good performances. J lie runrrus:
tracks of this country as at present con
ducted are simply huge ganibUrg ma
cuines. ana tne jous ana crookedness in
connection with them have become so
marked that the men who have the best
interests of the thoroughbred horse at
heart are beginning to putest, well
knowing that a continuance of vhe state
of affairs now in vogue means Tbat in five
years nearly eveiy runn:ng t'-ack i-a tue
country will bo plowed over. One of
these men is Mr. B. G. Bruce, editor of
the Kentucky Live-Stock Record, and as
he is also aa officer of nearly all the
prominent tracks in the west and attends
the meetings regularly he knows what he
J 11.V 1 a. " w -w-k
is laiKing auoui. Air. jsruce is not an
alarm'bt. On the contra -y he is a very
conservative man, but what he has seen
alieady this season is too much for bis
honest nature, and in his paper he han
dles the subject without gloves. "There
has been more compla'nt this season of
crooked running," he says, "than we ever
heard before in all our life, and there is
no quest'on but what there are grounds
for the compla'nts. There are three or
four parties undoubtedly who have been
running in and out with their horses, and
it is not possible for the judges to get at
the facts. Most of the horses are not
pulled by the jockeys, but are fixed in
the stable before being brought out to
run. When they have a horse fixed they
generally put up a first-class jockey who
is above suspicion, and by th;s means
throw dust in the eyes of the judges and
the public."
Having shown that the evil exists Mr.
Bruce suggests a remedy. The offending
pai ties, he says, are well known to the
managers of race tracks, and he advises
that the last-named persons refuse the en
tries of the known scoundrels. This, of
course, is a manifest absurdity. No track
could refuse an entry without giving
some reason for such extraordinary action.
and haying told a man that he was a dis
reputable c haracter the track managers
would doubtless be called upon to prove
it, which they might rot be able to do.
since, as Mr. Bruce freely admits, they
are at the present time in a perfectly
helpless position on account of the fact
when horses are "doped" and otherwise
fixed so that they cannot win a race the
work is done in the stable before the race
is called. Therefore Mr. Bruce's plan of
reform would hardly work. Another
thing, and one which he apparently for
gets, is that a good deal of jobbery is
done at the starting post It is not nec
essary to mention names, ercept to say
that no one ever said a word against
Sheridan. Mr. Bruce knows, as does
every man of the world who attends run
ning meetings, that the flag is frequently
held by men whose records ought to bar
them from officiating in any capacity
where honesty is required. Tho trouble
with the running turf is that its opportuj
uities for jobbery are countless, and as
men are not saints the thieving will
doubtless continue as long as the oppor
tunity exists, Breeder's Gazette.
Jonathan IJatt
J. W. .Mauthi.-s.
C8.
A Novel Bet.
While I am not a betting man. said F.
J. Cheney, of the firm of V. J. Cheney &
Co., I considered it my religious duty to
make that fellow a bet, you see he was
about dead' and I guess he would of
died before Spring, if I had not of got
him on a bet. You know some men had
rather loose their life than lose a hun
dred, well he was one of that kind, and
we botli came near being out, but I saved
my hundred and it only cost him ten
dollars. How's that He sent for me
one day and said the doctors had all giv
en him up to die, with the catarrh. I
told him that I would bet him $100 that
IlallVCatarrh Cure would cure him or I
would give him $100 if it failed. lie
tooK tne latter proposition, l his was
three months ago: you see now he looks
now, don't you, as well as any one, aud
a dandy. American, Toledo, O.
24 ml
WIARKET.
WHOLESALE AlTD HSTAIL
CITY HEAT
PORK PACKERS and dealeus in BUTTER AND EGGS.
BEEF, PORK, MUTTON AND VEAL.
THE BEST THE MARKET AFFORDS ALWAYS ON HAND.
Sugar Cured Meats, Hams, Bacon, Lard,
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The best brands of OYSTEHS, in cans and bulk, at
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL.
RICHEY
Corner l'earl and Seventh Streets.
BROS.,
job
Putting Himself in Tralnlne-
l'lttsburtf Dispatch.
Anxious Stranger Say, I want a
of umpiring the rest of the season.
Base Ball Mngnate Xow, don't try to
be funny, young fellow.
"But I'm not trying to be funny."
"It's a good thing for you, because
there isn't anything humorous about
chestnuts any more."
"I'm in earnest about this thing, I am."
"Oh, don't bother me."
"But see here; I mean business."
"Why, young fellow, you don't know
what you're asking for. You don't know
when you're well out."
"Oh, yes, I do."
"What's your racket, anyhow?''
"Why, I wan't to get broke in a little
I'm going to get married this fall, and
my girl's mother will probably live with
us."
DEALEKS
ALIj kinds op
!
Lumber, Lath, Sash, Blinds
MISZSD PAINTS, LIME,
Cement, Plaster, !Hair
Lowest 13
Ciyo Them A Chance!
That is to say, your lungs. Also all
your breathing machinery. Very wond
erfui machinery it is. Not only the lar
ger air-passages, but the thousands of
ittle tubes and cavities leadidg from
them.
When these are clogired and choked
with matter which ought not to be there
your lungs cannot do half their work
And what they do they cannot do well.
Call it cold, cough, croup, pneumonia,
catarrh, consumption or any of the fam
ily of throat and Lose and head and lung
obstructions, all are bad. Aud all ought
to be got rid of. There is just one sure
way to get rid of them. That is to take
Boscheeks German Syrup, which any
druggist will sell you at 75 cents a bot
tle. Even if everything else has failed
you, you may depend upon this for cer
tain. (1)
Dr. Lewis A. Sayre says that the
reason why the cigarette is so deadly is
because the nicotine cannot peocolate the
paper cylinder and is therefore drawn in
to the smoker's mouth. Item.
TtJE :-: IfElALD
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Si eIj sis IIjIgJsJi
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We
52
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It is said that two electricans at
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Prices InwA.t. Prki.f a t.
Gardeners aay our seeds are
D09T. inomanusot ctiolco
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Special irholesale price
list to Markrt (fartfnj.
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1W WU WAIT M
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Envelopes, Business CqMs,
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oi ciy otliGi'clqss of pi'iqjiqg.
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iATISFACTION GUARANTEE
The Plattsinouth Weefcly Herald ba3 the largest circulation
any paper in Cass County. - Iiepnblican in politics. Advertise in
and if you have not already, snh-cribe for it.
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