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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 5, 1892)
CAPITAL CITY COURIER SATURDAY NOVEMBER 5, 1892 MARKT WAIN IN IRONS THE HUMORIST TRIED BEFORE AM ADMIRALTY COURT AT SEA. round Guilty ol' UiinrlriitMo Lying Sentenced to llciul for Threo Hours Kverjr Day from III Own Worki SportUr Proceed In if 011 1111 AII1111II0 Miter. Special Correspondence.) New Yoiik, Nov. . It won In tho month of July lust Unit Murk Twain wan put in irons mill brought beforo an ad miralty court UKn Korlous charges. The tory of that experience in tho lifo of tho fatuous humorist lnw just been brought back to this country by ROtno of thoso who witnessed tho trial anil who saw Mark Twain in chains, ami nothing he has ever written contains moro hu morous RtiKKt-'stioim than doos this story. Among Mark Twain's follow passon gers uiH)ii tho utoiuutihip Lahu woro ox Judgo Dittenhoefer, of Now York; Syd ney Webster, of Boston, an otuiuont law yer; James T. Walluch, a prominent merchant of Now York city, and u party of twelve Yalo students, among them boine tho fatuous football champion of Yale, Mr. McClung. Mark Twain had mado merry with tho passengers. Ho told somo of his most extraordinary stories, which, whilo thoy had tho appearance of having oc curred to him at tho moment, ho in sisted woro veritable chronicles, nnd as incredulity prevailed among tho passcn- jyjt 31 AUK TWAIN IN IttOS. gers it was at last publicly declared that Mark Twain was "in his capacity as a story teller an inordinate and unscien tific liar." Tho humorist resented these accusations, insisting that if in any of his published narrations thero appeared to bo anything which justified such ac cusation ho had written it in moments of irresponsibility or insanity, and lie declared that ho was willing to stand trial upon theso charges. Captain Dampfer, who has tho power of an autocrat upon his ship, authorized a court of admiralty to bo organized, of which Mr. Dittenhoefer was appointed judgo. Mr. Walhich was choson by tho court counsel for prosecution, and Mark Twaiu selected tho eminont lawyer, Mr. Webster, counsel for the dofonso. Tho Yalo students were impaneled as jurors, and Mr. McClung was made foreman. Tho court was held on tho evening of July 14 in tho great saloon of tho steam ship. Judgo Dittenhoefer took his seat on tho bench, and ho never looked moro stern when ho was serving us judgo in a Now York city court. Tho jury were seated in u box to tho right of tho judgo, and tho counsel were gathered at a table, and near them were tho witnesses for tho prosecution and tho defense. After tho court was opened Judgo Dit tonhoefcr instructed tho sheriff to bring the prisoner in. Tho clanking of chains was heard, and a moment later Mark Twaiu, witli disheveled hair, witlt shuf fling step because tho ship's irons hung heavy on his legs, and with his wrists inclosed in handcuffs, was brought in and placed in tho prisoner's dock. At a command front tho judge the irons were removed, and tho trial began with a speech from tho prosecuting offi cer, in which ho declared tltut ho should prove that Mark Twaiu had boon guilty of inordinate and unscientific lying. Hero tho prisoner bent his head to conceal his emotion apparently, and seemed to bo sobbing. Miss B. It. Dit tenhoefer was called as tho first witness. She read extracts from Mark Twain's description of tho jumping frog. The jury looked very solemn whon this evi dence was introduced, and Mr. Webster, tho counsol for tho dofutiho, on cross ex amination demanded of tho witness what thero was unscientific in this lie, if it was a lio, and she replied that al though it caused people to laugh they smiled at tho improbability of tho ntor , and added that thero was nothing funny in tho suggestion of filling tho stomach of a frog with shot to prevent its making u jump, and thereby causing its owite. to lose 11 bet. Mr. K. I). Cheuey, being summoned as a witness, produced one of Mail; Twain's books and read from it his as sortiou that ho dropped a tear upon tho tomb of Adam. When asked by Mr. Webster what thero was unscientific about that lie, if it was a lioj Mr. Cheney replied that tho world know that Mark Twain never wopt and never mado any ouo else weep. If ho had written that ho searched tho vicinity for tho tomb of Eve or had exhumed Adam's remains, that ho might discover which rib wa taken for tho creation of Eve, that would have been an entirely scientific and la tioual undertaking ut Adam's tomb. Other witnesses lead extracts from "Huckleberry Finn" and quoted from tho exploits of Colonel Mulberry Sellers anarrated by Mark Twain to proo that tho accusation that thu various humor ous lies there narrated were uiiscioutitU', and therefore improbable, and then tho prosecution tebted. Tho defense was insanity or lriospon nihility, and the two ship's phjuU'liiiiii were put upon tho stand, each of whom testified that in all thuiriwpi'iietimthoy had never m-t a man who talked so ir rationally as Mark Twaiu did. They declared that tho stoties lie told them had not one grain of probability, and they indicated an abnormally JUaotuiod condition of his mind. Mark Twain himself was put Jpon tho stand. Ho testified that ho had no recol lection of ever having written anything about a jumping frog, and that he felt like smiting the men and women who camu to him nial told him, as thousands of them did, tLat tho jumping frog wan tho funniest story thoy over had lead. Ho testified that if ho ever said that ho wopt at the tomb of Actum it must have been in moments of hallucination, since his emotions at tho diccoveiy of that tomb would certainly havo been tlnwnof joy. Ho at tucked t testimony "f Mr Cheney, declining .nit ho was unworthy of belief as u witue "Why," until lie, "I met Cheney's ,yit u fow dayM lie foto I sailed and he told mo that his sou was being sent to Liuiopn to cure him of a mania for ptevaricatiou Not long ago that young man disappeared from his homo for several days, When he enmo back in a shamefaced manner his father said "Where have you IwiMif" "1 have been hunting bear." "Well, if you killed any boar I shall not punish you; but if you did not hill any. then I shall banish you to Euros for awhile How many did you kill?" "I shot 180'. bears, father." "You are a falsifier You havo mixed up tho year of our Lord with your bear shooting exploits You will havo to go to Carlsbad to bo cured." When Mark Twain finished this anec dote the prosecuting attorney declared that ho had been convicted out of hi" own mouth, for tho anecdote itself was an unscientific lie, Insomuch that Mark Twain had mentioned hour as tho game, whereas ho should havo said fish. Everybody expects that n fisherman will exaggerato thu number of fish caught, but nobody ever know a bear hunter to do it. The jury convicted tho culprit without leaving their scats, and Judge Dittenhoefer was called upon to impose sentence. He com manded Mark Twain to stand up, and ho declared that for the first time a jury of his peers had formally nnd very properly on tho evidence found him guilty of unscientific lying. Ho should therefore sentenco hitu to read for threo hours every day from his own works until tho steamer readied port. As sentenco was prououncod Mark Twaiu groaned, and then, falling on his knees, implored tho judgo in these words: "Anything but that I Hang mo if you will, but do not compel mo to read my own works. That is a slow and horrible death t" Without heeding tho apieul Judge Dittenhoefer added that as Murk Twain was going to Germany to livofor awhile ho should also condemn him to abandon tho American form of his name, which means two marks, and uso instead the German word "Bismarck." "Thero can not bo two Bisinarcks in Germany," said tho judge, "and it will bo a part of your puiiishmont to carry on battle with tho princo of that name for your right to uso it." Mark Twain served his sentence faith fully. Ho read threo hours every day from his own works, but most of tho passengers wished that ho had not. MAHK TWAIN 1IEOS KOIt MKItCY. Of course nil theso proceedings were sportive, but they netted for tho Sea men's fund somo $000. and wero said by tho captain to have been tho most in teresting and delightful of all tho enter tainments ever arranged at sea upon any of the steamships of that lino. E. J. Edwards. A PolltlcUn In Pieces. Bpvclnl Correspondence. New Oiu.eans, Nov. 3. Governor Nichols relates witli much relish his peculiar experience in a hotel. During tho late unpleasantness the governor, then general, had the misfortune to lose his right leg, having parted company with his right arm in an accident several years before tho war. During tho last campaign ho was stumping Mississippi and stopped over night at a lintel in Natchez. "Scud a man to my looin'said the governor, and in a fow mnmentsu typical southern negro made his appearance. The dis robing process had been continued for somo time iviien tho governor command ed, "lake off my arm. "Sah!" said tho astonished negro, his wool fairly rising. "Take off my arm," repeated tho governor, and Sambo edged suspiciously toward tho couch, assisting in removing tho artificial member. Laying it upon thu table ho gave tho limb u long and careful examination, but was suddenly interrupted by tho command, "Take off my leg." For u moment ho gazed at tho reclining sol dier and thou started for tho door. It required innumerable threats, ex planations and promises to get the darky near tho bod, but finally n largo portion of tho governor lay upon tho table, anil thero was a mischievous twin kle in ids eyes, "Come bete, Sambo," ho shouted, lean ing forward. "Come hero and unscrew my head." 't ... darky waited no longer, but with uuu wild rush he dashed from tho room, und bursting into the oflieo shouted, "Oh, Massa dialled I hem's a man in 111 who is coininjr t pieces." A crowd followed to 4!l, a'uA tho governor "set 'em up." U. C. It. A MEAN THICK. He Wanted In How, hut It Whi'I Huccrss. A wealthy member of n swell club, ac companied by n real estate broker nnd cap italist, was out strolling along thu lake shore northward n short lltnu ago when tho gentlemen mutually agreed that noth ing wih more enjoyable than tho exordia of rowing. The lake was at pellucid mid still as a tin 11 at eventide, when not a rephyr is list I r, and they engaged ft boat with thu abandon of youth. The real estate man look first turn at the oars, and tho case and grace with which ho handled the blades excited the envy of Ids companion of thu swell club, "Vou don't propo-e to hog It all thu afternoon, do your" said the latter. "If there's one thing I do pride myself upon It Is my kuowledgeof rowing. You have had that place for a mortal hour, and If you don't gvt up ut once friendship will ccasa here and now. That's what I'm discours ing." Amicably the other r-llnulshcd till place and cheerily took a sent forward, well III the how. "What in mischief are you dolngf" pre sently the real estate man liiililred. "Can't vou see that you are whirling about In a elreter" "Yes, I see It. I'm always stronger In one arm than In the other. That make the whole trouble." "Well, give two strokes with one and mm with tho other, then." He did, but with tho same result. Around and around tho Isrnt went In tho same ceaseless round. The swell clubman used strong words, while his companion smiled, "I'm a nice one. ain't If Here I'd been planning to take my wife and bubles out Tor a row, and n nice spectacle I'd havii made. I'd I icon u consumed murderer and suicide, that's what I'd have been. Hut I'll overcount tho blamed obstacle, what ever it lie, If I die for lU" The perspiration rolled down his checks. Oil went his coat, his vest, his collar, cra vat and euls. He grew fairly desperate. Forward he Inclined nod backward hubeiit until the oars fairly doubled. The boat Hew around like a whirligig. Itedder nnd redder his faco became until ho seemed la sweat lilood, "That'H enough," finally said his friend tantnll.lngly. "Can't you see 'talu't In your You're mado one sided, and ain't to blame for It." "One sided nothing. I ain't feeling well, that'" it. .My left arm's been in bad shape lor some time. Maybe one oar's shorter than the other." Hut do what, he would tho result wanlh same, and llually, when utterly worn out and exhausted, he said gaspingly; "I - I g guess you may take tho oars." Just then lie turned about and saw the real estate man sueaklugly drawing 11 big stone out of the water. The boat had been anchored all tho time lie was rowing. "I'll bethudenthof you for that," groaned the victim. Alas! it was near to being his own, for it was a week afterward buforo ho got out ol bed. -Chicago Mail. Not Itoudy Yet. A robust American friend of ours 1 1 vol below the boundary In Lower California. There lived in the neighborhood a foreigner, as homely a man a one might light hit eyes on In a year's travel, ilo was an on developed or immaturcljullp. Ilo mutiiiKt-d to aeciimulate considerable money and needed a wife. An ucitinlutniico suggested that he visit our Lower California friend, who had several very handsome marriage able daughters. lie was received with baronial hospitality, lie mentally minU Ids choice from the trio of beautiful girls and next morning broached the subject te the father. The old gentleman eyed hlin with an amazed smile and rcmaikcd: "My Iriend, I fully appreciate and feel highlj honored by your preference, but when I want to raise monkeys in my family I'll vend for you. I am not yet embarked in the menagerie liusiuess." Dr. Itemoudl no's Itevlew. (Inly u .Mutter of I'.ndu ranee. "Vou are standing on my foot, inn'nm," said a big, good natured man in the crowd yesterday, at the corner of State and Mad I sou, to a lady in front of him. "Sir!" she replied haughtily, turning her dead. "I haven't moved in my tracki for half an hourr" "I know It, ma'am," he rejoined. "Hut the foot you've been standing on all that time lias begun to get tired. Would you niltnl occupying the other one awhiler" Chicago Tribune. tie lire iv tlm l.lur. An old man entered u crowded sheet car, anil, seeing a Ixiy seated in the corner, asked If he would give him his seat. ".Saw, ' Mild the hoy. "Do you think that Is showing the respect to age that Is be coming in a boyf If your father were to come into this car now, wouldn't you get up and uive him a seat?" "Hotelier life," said the boy; "1 ain't ridiii in a street car with any ghost." Argonaut. Dlllerent Then n. . . - s Ilo-Your chaperon Is not very watchful. She (absently)-Hut you should see her when there's a man In my vicinity. Life. lrf-11 II fur Her to ln. "This port rail of my wife is excellent," said Hallow lo the art 1st, "but you haven't put a bit of color in the face and she has a great deal." "I know It," lelurued the artist, "but I thought uiailam miuht like to put it on herself, as she always does with the orig inal." New York Sun. Set Him IllKlit. He One has only to hsik at your lips and see I hat you aie Intended for kisses. She On the contraiy, t lie kisses are for iiy intended. New York Hera!.', A llreadciicr. The mini if sportive inliid no more. As In Ihcdnisof nlil, Will lls'Uie mil I he luisehall neon1 Willie his dinner Kiouclh eolil. , Detroit Trlliunu. i iiv A.i'ii'rv C Ji i; V MIMV V k r , mmm i a n-rrwrii mM WHAT IT WAS. Tha HtllliiMi uf In Twilight Hour Vf Hroki'ii. It win evening, Softly came tho summer tephyr from the shadows sleeping In the valleys, cooling as the breath from scented Inns, yet with 110 touch of chill. The low lug bet N, now silent on the lei, lay resting hi the fragrant (It-Ids of gently waving grasi, where daisies nodded klivn to the rod lipped clover. The dusky air, low lying 011 thu shaded hi IN, rose pinpllug to the sky about their tops, and here and theiu far oil In tho stilly distance twinkled minor two tone stars, the llisl to loiue, and they stood there blushing near the dark blue curtains dtaped above the tliicshold of tho night, uncertain jot If 1 hoy should enter now or wait until the gay and glittering throng in which they moved had tome to bear them company. The song of bltds was stilled In every hush and tree, and every warbling throat was tucked away beneath a tired wing. The hum of Insects, resonant nil day, had hushed Itself amid the iiilet leaves, mid every fluttering tinsel whig was rent ing till the morn, Tho lazy stream had seemed to stop and now no longer babbled to thu (lower which grew upon Its pretty banks. Almve. Mow, licyond, tho soft, dellclout stillness of the bedtime of day pervaded the nlr and touched tho earth and (tented to the sky. They sat there in tho gloaming, ho nnd she, and watched tho silent shadows creep slowly out from those dim hiding spots hi which no man can 11 nil them in tho day. Suddenly they beard a crash as if some one had struck a heavy limber with an ax and shlvi red it. "What's that man breaking?" ho lu ll 11 1 red with a start. "The stillness of the twilight hour," she murmured softly, and tho man passed them 011 his way to thu woodshed with n stick of kindling on his shoulder. Detroit Free Press. A Unit MIm. I'iiiiiIIj I'liiiiiiclorlni;. "They tell inejiiii work fur a ilnllnr R day. Hum In it jiiii rliahe )our six ho)s on such pii r "I know oii will llilnk II (or.dlUil imd ipiuer, lint I do It heciiiipi' I'm 11 kmmI llimneler. There'll I'ele, .lulili, .Hill Ittul Jlic, mid Wll- 1 1 it in mill Ncil A half dneii l.ojs lo he cliitheil up anil fed "Anil I ha) fur them u'ixhI, plain victuals to out: Hut clotlilnit-l only buy elnthlni: for Pete. "When I'tto'i. clothes are too niintll for htm to uet on My wife ma sei. 'em over anil nlwnYm tnJnlia. "When for.lnhii, who Is ten, they hnvo Krown out of date, Hhu jiiKt makes 'em in or fur Jim. w ho U eUlit. "When fur. Ilin the) Ih'icmiio loo riuts'ed to III Mhu just makes Yin oter fur Joe, who l nil. "And when little .loseih can wear 'em no more Btiu just makes 'em oter for Hill, whoU four. "And when fur joiitu: Hill tiny no loiiwr will do Shu Just makes 'em ner for Ned, who Is two. "So ou see, If I k'el eiiouith elothliiit for IVte, The famll) l fa iilluil Htth iIoiIiiiik coin lilule.' "Hut when .Ned h.isuot llumiuli wllttlioclolli. Inu. iiihI " Inn He has Ihiiiuii II aslile, what ilo nil do with II then-' "Why.ome more eno round the circle com plete Ami heulu to ue 1 1 for pMlchc fur I'ele." Mercury. f S1&ff n W A .Jl.i -I I - - - l i 1 I PCx. X sH' l I TllltOWl ertfc3 era c.TM STirrTl C snow! r xvL-Vvs..- -4.- iumwi ( m Ml W m m, wr BT M Wd.tr al A m I 1 l,il.lfi'MI MM B Mr71 iw ;.zi hi tAUz :w;TwR!JfvJ 7; ?f?T "w 'Wls n,CJw m e a m i m t i miip k:32Lr2m ill III 111 ill il III jy e7? T-vRJUa s-" &3tr- - - -. -- h-S71xi -EiMUSifSSl-IlP I L 1 wok! Truth. 150,000.00 At six per cent, per annum ami a cash commission or at eight per cent, no commission, for periods of three or live years on well located improved real es tale in Lincoln or Lancaster count)'. INTICUICST AhhOWKI) ON SAVINGS DKPOSITS DKI'OSITOUS IIAVIC AHSOI.UTIC SKCUHITY. Union Savings Bank, 1 1 1 South Tenth Streo Industrial SavingsBank KhKVICNTH AND N StKKICTS. CapitalStock, $2150,000. Liability of Stockholcrs $500 ooc INTIjRBST PAID N DEPOSITS, Wm. Stum., Pies. J. E. Hill, Vice-Pres. Louis Stum., Cashier. DirkctouS. D E Thompson, C E Montgomery, Geo M. Hastings, II II Shaherg, W II Mercery, J C Allen, T E San tiers, J E IlilljWtn Stull, Louis Stull, Geo A Mohrenstecher $$teiixlLj:tjLitji'.i. ii.it itjiit s$n$Liitjii-x;uir. L.j-.VjCtjrW ' TKI.. Sill i 41 Iinnnn - 1..w-w $). . grvittitc, JiivccUiv flerteu years of nellvii work 1 1 1 1 the Mimical Union Orchestra, t jj of Onmliii, us lllreelor, ilurliu; which tlinu Hie utiovo Oreheslra fur- l,t h u'sheil iiinle for all thu promlmint evenlH.frclcitll , theatrically, elo. t Jl i conio 10 i.ineoin 10 euuiiKi) persomuiy in iiirui'sira imihiiicm, iioiiiik , eonllilenl Ihal 1 eiui fiirulKli itM elllreus with lb bust of musical nuy yj anil all Union, for tonus mill luforiuiitlon, call ut ollleo of Oaimtai, k. M IJirv I'oUlilKM, Hill N street, or Telopliono'iM. rf rvr iyn$3n$n$ T,vijr7s 7nr r$ jv., rjr7iv-;jVTjr5(j AVINU just acsunieil personal control my iilin to conduct a lirst-cla.. establishment, glxlng best of care and attention to horses cntruttcd to our keeping. STYLISH CARRIAGES. Single or double, and a fine line of wcll-trulncd horses for liver,) uc, fur nlslicd, day or night. DAVE FITZGERALD, Prop. FRANK RAMSEY, Foreman." . Telephone 550 Stables 1639 and 1641 O Street. t?rt III U HI I Itjfei IV tli.Mlf Tv r,MlrwMtm-i.'n??l"miri r 'r i i n - in t Mfiniiw" m r( i i m Lincoln, Neb An Old School ina New Location Ninth Year. 25 Departments. 30 Teachers Henutiful, beallliv location, mnnnlficcnt buildlnt's, line equipment, superior nccom modatlons, stionn Mcull, coinprcbciisive curriculum, tboiouli woik,bi(;h moral and chiistlan Inllucnces and low expenses make this The SCHOOL FOR THE MASSES A practical edi c.ition wuhoiit needles wiisie ( In e or mem isiiin Western Normal CoMejjc You can Enter any Time and Choose Your Studies This Krt'at school is located in Hawthorne, thre miles southwest of the post office and" w II be conm-tcd by electric street car line, YOl'K CAR FAR Is PAID In Older lint all ma see our main ad. intakes in the w.it ot buildings, equipments faculty .etc. we will p.n uiur car fare from ynu home to Lincoln providcil ou are present on the opening d.y of the fall term, hept. lSys. Write for particulars." seml mime mill iithlri-seK of ;V youiii; people anil wo will semi you eholen of lino 15-Inch ruler, t .eriiimiii'lomi ear's siilierlpMon lo our Illustrated cilucntlomil monthly. CATA l.(KII'i:.S.Ml(MHC'l I, Wis, HIIIl!, Ailtlress M M. t'ltlA, I'r"". or WESTERN NORMAL COLLEGE, Lincoln, TO LOAN music XL .M nnuA. II. MIOIPTIONS TIONS fr OAHOH.l ,ito .'. c OROEntn Uw....M. u I Finest in the City THE NEW LINCOLN STABLES. of my linndsome new ktables, it will lie Mud n the Neb. .1. KINSI.HV. heriiliir) and Treiikiirer FAST MAIL ROUTE I 2 DAILY TRAINS 2 -lo- Atchlson. Leavenworth, St. Joeph,Kn City, St. Louis and all Points South 1-ast nnd Vet The direct Hue to Ft. Sco't, Parson, Wichita, Hutchinson and all principal points in Kansas. The only ro.id to the Great Hot Sntlnns I Arkmih.is. I'nllin.in bkepers and Fre Reclining Chair Cai on all trnlnv I E. R. MILLAR, R P, R. VULAR, City Ticket AKt. U:a'l f tut I'vV )
