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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 29, 1892)
II H . i ), $$ iV CAMTAfL cr.r:Y COURIER, sSAfflKUAY, OCTOBER, 29.. 9 j t-k ' " ' -nT-r-T- -r ! DR. REMIT I. HRTIR'S Medicaiinstitute roilTIIKOUIIliOF Chronic Diseases ' SPECIALTIES: Discuses of Women, Cntnrrh,' Morphine nnd Opium Hnbits. Cure Guaranteed. Consultation Free. Offices, 141 South 12th Street IIIR1SI1 GOISBKVATORT of MUSIC and Intuit Wool for Girls, Nebraska All NranchM of Mask, Art, ItontiM, Literature, aad Languages, Twagat ay a faculty or Hlxteen Instructors. Each Teacher an ARTIST AND SPECIALIST. he only coin vatory writ or nostoa owb OWB Banning ana iiirnisning. a r home tar lady students. Tultloa from to tap. mt term of 10 wreka. . Moauiague aaa general information. O. B. HOWBLL, Dlreeter. UdiW and Children's air CiltiDg and Stumpooloj , a Specitlti. SAEWESTERFIELD'S BURR h BLOCK. Santa Fe Route I p ltdlMi, Topb ft Stnta Fe R R Tto PapaUr Raata la Mm PacUto Caaat A SCHEDULE OF LOVERS. Maw Through Pullman and Tourist Sleepers l Kaaaaa CHr aad SAN DIBGO, UOm anuel.es, aaa . pkaiv CISCO. Short UM Rates ta PORTLAND, Oregaa. Paaali Dally Train Ssrviee Satwaa Kaaaaa Cttr and PUBBLO. COLORADO SPRINGS, and DENVER. Shaft la SAL.T L.AK.B U1TT. The Direct Texas Route anal Trataa Between Kaaaaa CRy alfaataa. The Short Llaa Betwaaa Kaaaaa Cky and Galaaarllla, Ft. Wank, Dallas, Austin, Temple, Baa Antonio, Houston, aad all Principal PeWtte In Texas. fOalt Line Running Thraug Bm 9KLAHOMA COUNTRY. Ta OtAj Direct Una te tfeaTesaa Paa-Handle. Far at aaa aad Tine Tables aad Interna Sen Regarding Kales aad Route Call en or Address B. L. PALMER, Paataafar Afeaa, tha Hern nod Heroine Hahava at I'ruMoaal. . Mr. I), it. MoAnnlly, Jr.. after reading several hundred standard love stories, ro cubtly compiled tliu following tnbloaato the conduct or llh next or lovera at tbe thrilling moment of the avownl of the ten der paaslont I'llOIVSAL ACCKPTKI) (IKMTLKMAN'a BE HAVIOR. Number of cases, 100. Qnntlcman takes Inily In armi 08 Ortiltcinan kliwra lady on lips 07 (Irutleman klaaca lady on chock,,, 4 amtbuiiiiiklaacaladron bangs 10 (kntleiuau klM'n lady on eyea 3 Ocnttenmii klMM lady on hmitia I (lentleinati kla.talndyiiii top or licml 1 Ocntleiuaii klraci lady1 on nose, by mistake. I (Icntlcinnn klaara liuljr on ciIkc of than l...i 1 (Icutleiimn holds Indy'a liiuiil,.,,, 12 (lenllemun hold lad) 'a linml vety tight.,., 17 (leutleinan weeps to some extent.. U (tenth-man hint eye calm and cleur 5 Gentleman has lump In '.fciuit 14 Gentleman ha qualms 14 QcntloiuniiKnyn "Thank Ood" aloud.,....., 0 (Imtlcmau ladellrlouily happy,,..'.,,, 7 (lentlomaii says he U too full for utterance S Oentleman declares ho cannot llvo without her 81 (leiitleninn makes formal prolmlo 0 (lentlcman lieulim all or a luddon A3 Oeiitlemiiti DditatH. pulU Imndkorohlof, etc. 4 (lentleninii atandii on onafoot..... 8 Oetitlomnn iIUoii rlmlr, ofa, etc SO (lenllcmnn lie on uraw that In, rvollnoi.. a (luntlemnn goea on nnokneo., ,,,,, 4 Oeiitleiiiiin koch on two knee.,,.,, ., I IIKIIAVIOIt OF TIIK LAUV. Number of canea, in). Idy alnka Into the nrtna of Kentlcman 81 lad)'tlnka Into ar inn of clinlr 1 ijidy'reMtK lii'Hil on Kniitlemnn' ulinnUlcr... SO Miy rel head on Kontlomnn'alireniit Of) tndy ret head on Rontlemnn'a kneo 1 I jwlr cliupii arms around Kcntlamnn'a ncok . II Lady MeepHtenraof Joy ullently 0 Lady woepa team, not pec I (led, proutnably aloud.., 44 lxdyhancyeii hot and dry S Lady haa ejrea innlil and limpid 7 Lady baa eyea full of love TJ ltdy runliei from room to toll somobody... 0 Lady know that aomolhltig la cowlnti S7 I.ady laureatly urprltiMl t , 4 Lady ulitnlea hysterically and clherwlio.,,. 6 Lady nnwros (i)..., 1 Lailr rofera iientloman to papa !) Lady ktsaca gentleman flrtt 0 Lady fumble nt glovea, fan, flower, etc.... 87 Ladyhldoafaoolnhanda 12 Lady atrumtle not to le klued (b) I Lady la pale and agitated n Lady Ik flushed and warm IS Lady aaya "Yra. but don't bo a fool" (0) I (a) A maiden under sixteen; nut a precedent. (b)A maiden forty to forty-five ycara old: not a precedent. (c) A widow) not a precedent, IIK.IKCTKI) (II'.NTI.KMAN'S ItRllAVIOIL Number of eaaoa, 60 Oentleman ruhrn madly away 31 Gentleman aaya ho will go home in Qantlcuien aaya he will goforaaoldlcr.... I Gentleman aaya ho will go toaea 4 Gentleman aa)a he will go to tho dovll I Gentleman aaya ho will commit aulclde 0 Gentleman enraea bad luck 4 Gentleman cumes auppoacd rival 0 Gentleman tcara hair his own.... a Gentleman wlpea eyea hi own... S Gentleman wrings banda hla own & Gentleman cuts banda In pocketa-hlaown. I Gentleman acratchea bead bla own........ Gentlemen declare ha will aaarry another, Qaatlamaa pnlla at mustache.. Gentleman pulls np hla collar Gentleman pnlla down hU vest Gentleman throws himself on grass Gentleman clean lump oat of throat Gentleman hepea never to aea her again .... wnimi.u rut, hip vuih. ........... .... Gentlemen refnaea to let her be a sister...... Oentleman refuses to let her bo a friend .... Gentleman refuses to be prayed for. I Oentleman pouuds a stone wall with hla flat 1 Gentleman aweara life of no value 17 Gentleman brushes dust off trousers from kneeling 1 RKIIAVIOK or THE LADT. Number of cases, 80. Lady rlsea to her feet , 41 Lady weeps with gentleman..,., 7 Lady becomea alck and faint from having to refuse , 4 Lady laughs In scornful derision..., t Lady promisee to be a slater. 17 Lady promises to be a friend St Lady loavea the room In anger (pretended)., t Lady la Barry she cannot lo,ve 1dm B Lady hepea be will find another, .' 11 Lady hopes he will alwaya be happy. 13 Lady aaka him U hla mother knowa 1 Lady promises to pray for hlra I Lady takee gentleman's hand to explain. ... 1 uuy la calm, eaia ana unmoved z Lady la much agitated at necessity of re jecting , 1 Lady wishes she ocald accept 4 Lady telle him she must work (can't aup pOPt Blltlltee eeeeeeeaaeeeeeeeeeaeeaeeeeeieeee Lady tella him he Is too young for her 1 Lady telle klm be la acting like a donkey... 1 Lady tella him ahelovea another.., 8 Lady tella him she la engaged to another.... I Lady tails him alio la unworthy of him I Lady telle him bo wants' some one who will obey hkn.and aha la not that kind of a aliHfidaii'a lluch. Mlifrlilnn. who ivu no anortainan. once 'went out on n Khootlntf (xcilrmn.''EreT)-' UiIiik flew In-fore lilin nnd hla win, and be Hut nothing. On hla wiy homo, with an empty Imik, Iiu auw n tunti, who lookod like n farmer, attiring over a gate at a flock of ducka In 11 pool, "Wind will you Hike," aald Sheridan, "for n aliot nt thiwo diickaf" Tho mini liHiktil nt him In astonishment. "Will half n crown do" Tho man nodded, nnd Blierldan gave him tho half crown, taking Ida shot nt tho ducks. AImhii linlfn do.eli fell dead. Aa ho wiMiri'NirltiK " liK tlictn ho aald to tho man, "I think, ou tho whole, I have gotnuood Ixirgnlti or you," "Why," wild tho mail, "they're not Blind" Chntturlxix. Itlder Haggard HUMOR II.' THE SCHOOL, laAjlv ' C" "! ssa TO BAY HOTIIINtl OF TIIK HOK3K. Truth. Moderation. M. do Gnrncrnu wna 11 French magistrate of Krcnt Integrity anil learning nnd many flnoqunlltlcH. No 0110 appreciated bettor than lie tliu beauty nnd vultto of patience, hut Ills naturally quick temper and Irrl tablodlHposltlon Konietlmea Ijctrayexl him Into droll IncouHlHtcncluH. M. do FU'hnvIU'h, prvaldcnt of tho au jierlor council nt l.yona nt n tlmo when the chancellor, Man peon, was mnklng great chnngcH In the government, waa Instructed to aupprcHH tho parliament of Trcvoux, of which M. Do Gnrncrnu waa president. M. do FlcaaellcN vlalted Trevoux, naaom bled the miiglatratuH and gave hla ordcra. DoGarncraii replied with dignity that It was hla duty to obey his sovereign, left his place, nnd followed by hla associates pre pared to march out of tho courtroom. But unfortunately hla vnlet opened the doors. Instantly M. do Gnrncrnu In a passion throw hla cap and robe on the floor and cried: "Here, Antolne, tako those thlnga. Thoy nro only for tho uao of valets nowl" . At n public meeting of tho Lyons acad emy, of which lie wna n member, he rend a paper on "Moderation." The discourse wna flue, but tliu effect wna somewhat marred by an Incident nt Its commence ment. The Kpeaker began: "Gentlemen, mod eration Please ahut that door. "Gentlemen, moderation la a Will you be ao kind as to shut that doorf "Gentlemen, moderation la a virtue Confound you, shut that door or I leuve thla hulll" Youth'a Companion. noma Amusing Instances of Confusion te tha Different Departments of learning. Under tho title of "Humor In derBchule," Karl Uruscr, of Vienna, lnw collected a act of specimens from tho Austrian school ex nmlnntlotiMof the Inst school year which show that tliu "exam." produced quite aa nmazlng results In the east of Kuropu na It doea In tho west. Tho most delightful In stances of confusion occur under thocnto gory of "History." A pupil wna naked, "How many coalition wars can you natnef" "Four," aald he, "Nnmo them," aald the examiner, "The first, the second, the third nnd the fourth," replied tho pupil. To the question, "What Is n cynlof" tho candi date, either wittily or wltlessly, Answered, "A philosopher who Uvea n dog'a life." Tho entries under the heading of "Ger man Language nnd Literature" contain some remarkable dowers of composition. A ncholnrnf tho eighth gyinnaslal class be gan his historical essay with tho following sentence: "When tho heart, throbbing with a Kcuulno patriotism, turna over with a 'glance of prldo the leaves of world history, ho," etc. A girl in n high school was set the task of composing an Account of nil excursion in tho mountains. Sho wrote: "On tho llttlo lako everything was Idylllcnlly lovely. Beautiful milkmaids ant tinder their cows In order to milk them. On the surface of tho Inko this charming sight wna mirrored upside down," Another young lady, who wna required to wrlto 11 description of n ship, ended with tho sentence, "From nil theso particulars wo arrive nt tho conclusion that tho ship niliv ftlfttl v lwt rnllrwl flin nntnnt nt f tin tuia A third declared it to ho "very agreeable when there nro two dear friends, one of whom Is rich nnd tho other Is poor, or when the contrary Is the case." A student of "natural history" nsscrted Unit "tho mur mclthlcr sleeps so soundly In tho winter that ho does not even uwnken if ho is Btruck dead." The couiioser of nn essay on tho "Uses or Animals" observed that "tho horso Is serviceable to man by his swiftness. How many soldiers," ho added, "owe their Uvea solely to tho swiftness with which their horses hnvo carried them from tho battle fields I" A youth who wna naked, "What la optlcaf" answered, "The science of tho Illusions." Poll Mnll Gn tctto. Dad for tha Witness. Judge What do you say now, when you see tho prisoner denies under outh thnt he broke your window f Plnlntlir Hut I hnvo witnesses who saw him break it. Wltni'HH Yes, your honor, I saw him. Ho took n big stone nnd threw It nt the window. I whh passing by, nnd if I hadn't ducked my head the Mono would have hit mo. Judge Thnt alters tho cose. If tbia wit ness hnd not ducked his head tho window would not have licen broken, and the de cision of tho court, therefore, la that aald witness must be held responsible for the damage caused by the breaking of aald window. European Exchange. Illustrated Phrases. wis wiit ins a4pwvo Twsisaaewa" Argonaut jMOOUMH wm atrssMtM sweiar su. oatsn A injQT Op Till t fl TM Taal-rWf IBBBBBBBBBBBBBBbI iA JjJtnFjxRMU ft i-rvyji 1F 't"yrr lirTrr s1! nrTmMnaidrftBJni1i.Tji Ju. Ghicago.Rtcklsland&PaciflcRu The SIBJSOT SOUTB to sad Crosn OKloa iioox iauurav oavawxatT. pmb xoin tUOKCH. iXttUlTB. WATKJLTOWW, BIO FAT.LB. MTtlirKAPOIJB. BT..PAVU 8T. J A Sura Thlag. A witty Individual one morning wagered that he would ask the same queattonof fifty different persons and receive the same aaawer from each. The wit went to first aae and, thea to another until he had reached the bamber of fifty. And thla Is 'how he won the bet. He whispered half audibly to each: "I say. have you heard that Smith Aaa failed?" "What Hmithr" queried the whole fifty, one after another, and It waa decided that tbe bet had been fairly won. Tlt-Bita. Bar Cruel Advice. "It la very kind of you, Mr. Jelly, to aak me to be your wife, but it can never be." It waa n fair young woman who spoke. The man whose doom sho hud thus sealed had tho appearance of a wreck. Sho wna the two dozenth woman who had crushed hla hopes, and It began to havo ita effect on him. He rose from his kneea trembling. She waa sorry for him aa women are under audi circumstances but ahe had doue the best sho could. Iff .1 few brief momenta ho recovered hla apeccn. Ilia lips quivered, but he wna bound to any something. "Whnt shall I dof" ho moaned. The girl shook her head. "I've asked two dozen women to marry me," he went on, "In the last ten years and everyone haa sat down on me. 'Even you have,!' ho sighed, "nnd now what ahall I dor I am completely worn out!"' Her face was ablaze and her eyea snapped. Then ahe became cold and cruel. "Yon would lietter havo yourself uphol stered," she replied in a steely voice, and awept out of tbe room. Detroit Free Preaa. Willie Knew. The teacher, who bed glvenaleaaon,on wool and told the clnsa that wool cornea oS the aheep and la made Into blanketa, clothing and ao on to keep us warm In cold aad wintry weather, proceeded to question little Willie, who hail been rather Inatten tive during tbe lesson. "Now, Willie," Bald tbe teacher, "where doea wool come from?" "Off the sheep's back, teacher," replied Willie. "And what' tbenf" inquired tho teacher. But Willie could not answer. "What were these made fromf" asked the teacher, touching Wlllie'a knickers with hla blackboard pointer. "Uncle John's old una," Willie amartly replied. Boston .Globe. A foon FINISH. -Lite. A Ileal "rvor. OHTOAQO, aroxwam oux JOB m irrnnHH iiivtvvniirv vtmu oitV topSa. pbnvxb, oqixwaso ap-Moa tad PUBBIA,, SOLID VBTtlULE EXPRESS TRAMS of throucaToeachM, BlMpera. Vrart SecUatag Chair Oats ajul XMainir Cars daily lwtwavCHX- OXf AXA. aat kMwarn CHICAOO and XiaMVaW, UOILOBADO sWBOvaa and VVXHIQ via at. Joatait, or sTsbbss our aad Tojpska, r VlTh4 Albert Lm Rout-. Vast apaarasa' Vralaa dUy betwara OtsWao ca Xie5to aa a. ruU with TKHOUOM moUmmKvB9vm Vtvas) te Bod fMea ttoM BOkatB d tsassa Otor. Through Chair Car aadgUeMr UtwaaagaarU, Spirit lho and TpU!j&aSkhAr dMM tel-ema-pppi.aiiplraiaBTT'n'itTT'''""' B. ST. JOHN, JOHM SEBASTIAN, eallUaattsr. ta.irxt.0 rasa. Aat. oncAoo h.t -gtll I Jtl (.Y BxpJl?A B 1 11 wm I r 1 S3Q00 iwaaT BMdpiMHa. KitT ll nua prppppi pi,nni ,av .mp fiwpipp vpp. 'lift lpatPMlpP,wlll Mk I.IPHlH.MlT. PPT Ml iwpj . p pnpn p M. liE t .-"" "T -T-I.TT-. '.- i. . . . . - ... : msm mmj wmj iwia iiajNi rmB asuM ms, Isicti i4 t4 nriM.Su4 9.M. m UrsMttswiMpvvtrttMjr Nm.I will ttoaNntlth wwmyltfmtmlM wMli f m ikslsaMMka. mm Ml.pM mmM as abov. lUallv mA aMikAlv BffB fcwa MM MfllW (VMM taKti tk Of CJtt-f. 1 mmM Mm- !'- " VKSmNml EBWS Little Girl nt Window- Pleaae, Mra. Ma galre, mother sent me over to aay that gran' tnother'aidyln and abewanta ter know if Serwon'l let yer husband coae over will la cornet, to give her a goad aend off Life, Creeper. Buainaasllke Citizen Good morning, air., Thla bouse of yours Is on the line of march of the parade next week, isn't ttf Owner of Building Yea, air. "A good view of tbe whole procession can be had froaryour front windows, can't It?" "1 presume ao, air; but wo hud not thought of renting any of them" . "Great C'rowiusl 1 don't want to rent a window! I can't afford that. 1 wan. to buvliH property'" Chicago Tribune. An Idea. Quericus Why were you stating ao bard at that Florldn girl? WlttlctiB She gave mean Idea. Did you notice the llvo bug alio hnd chained on her waist? Quericus Yes; but whnt about it? Wlttlcus I was thinking of a scheme for a bnldheudiil man of having a spider chained to his ears In the same way, to keep awuy thollea. New York Herald. On Smith Clark Street. Uncle Kufiis (attracted by algu) Say, young feller, where'a that "old and experi enced clothing dealer?" Proprietor of Secondhand Goods Empo rium (young, but full of business) That's me, tntno friend.. I deal in old and experi enced clothing. Step right In. Chicago Tribune. A Performance In Athletics. The Belle of the North Bide-Oh, I'm Just wretchedl Sympathizing Friend What's the mat ter? The Belle My doctor aaya 1 won't be strong enough to wear my Jewelry at the big ball. Chicago JVewa-Kecord. CT-j 4 BUUUllflU DIAIn Truth. AM ENGLISH CHOP WELL DOKV. Truth. Now'stheTimetoBuyf 11 If ymri mm I l J i B"l ' mWW&mmmmmVF fi e Vif yll .mwmm II f TXf'iV. af "E3TJ"H" PSOM Manufacturers Agent t I have just received nt my repository, direct from the factory, n large line of ,FiST CLASS B'OA", and nm offering then at prices that positively dis tance nil competitors. Sec my tine of Phaetons Su rreys And all the latest Novelties in the Carriage line. Being manufacturer's agent for some of the greatest factories, I am in n position to offer goods nt closer figures limn retailers. It will pay you to call and sec my NEW LINE before making purchases. " E. R. GUTHRIE, 1540 O STREET - 1540 STREET Sewing Machine and Gun Repairing ! We have just employed a skillful workman from the East, who is fully competent to make all repairs In the above lines. T. J. THORP & CO., n,i, 320 South Elcv- J" trcct Telephone 176. Office 1 00 1 BBnraupwpkK Ultice IOOI U St It Makes a IMSureacpv, "I'll have you arrested for making false representations. I bought that horse of yoa only because you told me he had a record." "Very true, but the record la u bad one. You didn't ask me wbut kind of a record he had. "Milder and Driver. A HaMclant Knowledge, Wooden Do you kuow Beat ley? Bulflnch Yea, I kuow him. Wooden Do you know him much? Bulflnch Well, yea, twenty dollara' worth. Boatea Courier. Professional Acquaintance Only. "I hope you don't associate with that man I saw you apeak to in tho street jurt now." "Associate with him? Whnt do you take mo for? Thnt man, sir, Is ono of tho most , rascally, corrupt, sneaking, underhand, low down, villainous mid depraved scoun drels that ever managed to keep out ol Jail." "I know It. But why are you on speak ing terms with him at all?" , "Why, I'm er hla lawyer." Boston Globe, Left to the Spooks. Ab, what a channel The hotel stands An empty tinru. ueacrteu, And looks across tbe barren sanda Where summer lovers flirted. A howling v aste of barren beach. Forsaken by the million; The hungry arms of ocean reach Tho gaudy red pavilion. Where once tho band's Teutonlo throats Blow Wagner ulrs before us. Now sound tbe deeper, grander notes, Of ocean's winter chorus. The tower beds are ehoked and dead. The beach hsj, changed and shifted! "Keep Off tbe dross" is dimly read, Where restless sands have drifted. Aad on the broad plassu, where I used to sit with Mabel. There stands a weather beaten chair, A saamod aad wora eat taUc And leaning up against a post, In that once dear location, I see the grim and pallid ghost, Ol my two weeks' vacation! -Harry Uomalne la Life, Moving Household Goods and Pianos a Specialty. None but experienced men omploycd. t-atost dovlces for moving Machinery, Hafos, and other Heavy Articles, Bt) Burliitop's Serritory AIRr-WrroMia' Danoi db Alphabktb. Mlmuihmmtrq ftttHvk Trmit Pariw Cmr Track Clt$tC$nn$ction$ ilninj Ctn Unitn Dipot Sttil Rwlt Through Coachtm ugh uleS Quick fimt Chair Cart Mir Brake TTTiT A-pAJVT, ATCHISON, ALLBOHBMT AMB AOBTttf. BjALTUsoaa, boston, Burrau) and buujhotc, 0"vao, eoUNcn. bluffs, Cincinnati arts clbvklaba DBABWOOB, DETAOrr, DBS MOINES AMD DBMVBB. KVANSVOXB, BBIB, BLMIBA AMD BAU CLA1RB. 1 pCALL.atVBB, riTCHBURO, BOND DU LAC AND roKTWATM QALTBSTON, BOXOBTOWM, RAND KAP1DS, OALESBUE. HaUVAZ, HOUSTON, HOT SFBINOS AMD HANNIBAL. i eonton, indianapolis, iowa city amd ihdbpbmdbmb jersbt city, jackson, joliet and jackson villb. Kalamazoo, keokuk, kankakee amd kansas ity. l.badville, little rock, louisville and lincoln. Minneapolis, mobile, milwaukbb and Memphis, new orleans, nantucket, new york and mashvuxcv Omaha, oshkosh, osweoo and oodensburo. Peoria, pittsduro, Philadelphia amd pobtlamb. queretaro, quincy, quebec amd quitman. Rock island, Richmond, rockpord amd rochestbr. sjacramknto, salt lake, san francisco amb st. paw Tallahassee, terre haute, Toledo and tavmtom. Ulysses, uruana, unadilla and utica. Virginia city, vicksburo, vincennbs and vancouybb vvlnnlpko, washington, winona and worcbstbr. xania junction, xerxes, xenia and xenophom. ypsilanti, yonkep.s, yankton and younostowm. I.OANDIOTMJI a I 2ON, JUMBROTA, ZACATECA8 AND Z AN E8 VILLB. BM.NPOT. ' THMKB CAN BR NO MISTAKING TUB BURLINGTON'S POSITION "IN THE RAILROAD WORLD" tff M ALWAYS WAS ALWAYS WILL BB A LEADER. A. O. IIIMBIL 99h&!omVimm " " '' '" 1 awru 1 "ii ias MgsalirIli