Nebraska Newspapers

    CAPITAL CITY COURIER, SATURDAY, AUGUST 13, 189?
M
WOMAN
is the pivot
upon which
Trade Turns.
A number of year ago t Miggestad
to one of my client" that ho place aa
aortliumcut for good used exulu
ttvely by men In a pnwr auiot to
t read exchulTely by women. Th
adrrrtlomrntapoarcd; It continued
la that paper aororal eonsccutlvr
year. The aotunl mall rash Mice,
coming directly from that adrertl
Mint, were two or three lime a
great, reckoning proportionate cott,
Bwn came from the Mtna advertise
Bant In any of ilia hundred paper
my client was advertising In. Hltica
then I have nimlo theso experiment
many tlmri, until I bolide I liava a
right to claim tlmt tlin experiment
bat passed Into fact. S'nlh'l O. Fovltr,
Jr., Ailm thing Kxjiert,
Tfee CouiitKit It the favorite journal
atong the ladles of Lincoln and adjacent
oaotry. riant your announcement In It
eohuan and reau btai result.
PHOTOGRAPHER
llllH lit gll'llt OX-
peiise replaced I1I1,
(Mil) Instruments
with 11 now Dalle-
myer, direct front London, and l now bettor
prepared lliiiunwr to ilo lino work, from u
locket up to lire slro. Open from It) n. in. to I
p. m. Holidays.
Studio, iat4 treet.
CBK liOWARIVR
CREAM OF ROSES.
Tba motxqullte preparation forlheakta.
cnappeu nanus, i,uura or nosumsi
Ren
emoves Tan and Freckles.
FMUtr cure fo-Rult Jtlienm. Laae pro.
inoa Uperleotlon.
Kxcellent to
tvtni. Parfectly harmless. I'rloe Twaaty
ub alios
1 eenia. tsoiu i' an iini-oiia amnin,
C. L. RICHARDS,
hiciiaudh Loor
LINCOLN, NEBRASKA.
S-hZtfCOLA
W7r?MrW
?Pt?l? Tnlllonl Full term, In seven dltTer
rnEiL tnt courses, Only high grade In
dependent Normut In tho state. Tin- Finest
liullding, Equipments, nnd Ablest Normal
raouily. ;so experiment, "111 llll CIIMIIICU
management. 40 court-en, Xt toucher und lecturers-
A live school for tlio musses. Wrllo
for catiiloguo to F. F. HOUMK. Manager.
Lincoln, Neb.
FAST HAIL ROUTE I
2 DAILY TRAINS 2
-TO-
Atchlson, Leavenworth, St. Joscph,Kansas
City, St. LottU and all Point South
Eat and Went.
The direct line to Ft. Scott, Parson.
Wichita, Hutchinson and nil principal
MMU in itanaaa.
riThe only read to the Great Hot Spring
M Arkansa. Pullman Sleeper and Free
lUcUnlng Chair Car on all train.
J. 1 Jt. MILIAR, At P. E UlUI,
Cky llcket Agt. Gsn'l iat
Memember that the
-to route tB Chicago from Lincei
(through Omaha) is
viethe "Beck atone."
The Dining Care are ail
new and elegant y the
service everybody knew
is the beet in
the Unite4 male. J
Bave newer and better Steepen,
handsome Day Coaches,
beet Reclining Chair Care,
and the train it. new and the
handsomest that runs from
Lincoln to Chicago (via Omaha),
If you want to be
convinced of this fact,
compare it with other-BO-called
first-doss lines,
Tickets for sale by
CMA8. It UTHEltFOBD,
City Passenger Agent,
In the Hotel "Lincoln."
jgB&eAtt.
nH'"
a, aisVA A
OFFICIAL LAUGHTEJK.
EMBRACED IN DRACKETS AND PRINT"
ED IN THE RECORD.
tn Mm lliKinr Tlirre Ar Many Itrnuil.
Unlit, I.ihiiI l,ntigti In n Ha), but Hen
tor Are Ton lllitiilltrit to Do Mure
Til mi N m He,
Pmm'IiiI (iirrrKindcnce.
Wahiiimiton, Auk. 11. CotiKrcitii'ji
do IiiukIi. "IjintKhlt'r" mill "(Jn-nl
litufflitvr" nro fri'titti'tit t'titrloH lit tin
piiKi'M of Tlio CoiiKrcMHlotml Itocoril. In
tlio lioumi tlicro nro fifty IihikIih Unit Ih,
olllclul liitiKht, which Kiu Thollcconl
to iiiii) in thom'iiiitc. Tint Kriivonnd rev
orotul enimtorM llml it hoticntli their tlltf
uity to lnti(fh except tut Krciit provouit
tion, nnd Kfuut iinivocutlona to laitRhtcr
nro ruro in their lxly. HcnnlorH mull"
u mwd ilcnl, hut tho oftlciitl reporter
would never ilnro hrncket hiiiIIcm in liix
rcimrt. In tho hotixo there nro ninny
IiiiikIih in n ihty hroiiil, IkiIiI, loud
IihikIih. Tlio olllclul reporter, hiivliiK
tho uowHpiiHir inntiiiet, uml ilesiriiiK to
enliven tho dry und inonotonotm record,
put them nil in.
Thin hint been u IiuikIiIiik coiiKreHM.
Never Iwfoni Imvo thtwo hrncketed
words appeared ho often. It In u uoti
KreHK of funny men hoiiio (leniriiiK to be
funny, hoiiio funny ugnlnst their will.
It in n congreHH that coutniiiH ninny pe
culiar tnninlKrs, who "blew in" with
tho cyclone of lHDIt, Many of them,
who Imvo purKely or intentionally
niniiHed iih, will not come hero niiiti;
inoro's tho pityl For without itu "hntf;h
ter" and "great laughter" voiiKrcKit
would lw piwitlvely dreary. Oft it in
anyway.
Our hiHt good liiugli in the Iiouho wuh
on Thtireduy, when Mr. llutler, of Iowa,
a very bright man and ready talkei,
made n peculiar nllp. IJeing iiHked if ho
had not tcHtilled in a certain way before
an InvcHtlKatiiiK committeo ho replied
"Yen, hut iHting under oath I had to tell
tho truth." Tho inference that Mr. llut
ler did not tell tho truth except when
under oath was no obvious that it wuh
not liocoHsary for any one to ioiut It out
Tho house roared and tho galleries
shouted, nnd tho familiar wordo "Great
laughter" appeared in Tho Record next
luoruiug.
Our tlmt good laugh was when Mr
Doutello poked fun nt Economist Hob
man, comparing him to Mrs. Saucer,
who gathered tho hoys nliout Iter at
DothelKiys hall and administered to
them with n long 8jM)on their doses of
brimstone and treacle (retrenchment and
reform), for tho purpose of breaking
down their aptietitcs and Having provi
sions, between these first anil last laughn wo
have hnd hundreds more.
Young Mr. Uryau, of Nebraska, raised
many it laugh while talking tariff.
"My friend front Maine (Mr. Dingley)
seriously nays tho tariff ou wool has
mado more pounds of wool grow on tho
sheep's back." To an opponent who wi
terrupted him Bryan said, "You are
welcome to all tho timo you want if you
will only talk in that way." Mr. Bryan
told one of tho In-st stories of tho ses
sion. A white Imy proposed to H col
ored boy that they go cahoots on coon
hunting. Tho colored boy wns to fur
nish tho dog and climb tho tree, while
the whito boy was to do tho "hollering."
The colored loy accepted, nnd in this
way they caught three coons. When
they caino to divide the white Imy took
them all. "What do 1 got?" asked tho
black boy. "You get the cahoots!"
Bryan likened the Manufacturers who
pretended not to want uioro tariff to the
maiden lady who said to herself: "This
is tho third time my beau has called
nnd ho may make some demonstration,
If ho does I havo mado up my mind to
bear it with fortitude." Mr. Bry
satirized tho river and harbor bill by
proposing an improvement for tho Platte
river, in his state. "It has no commerce
now," he said, "but that fact alone u
sufRclont evidence that it needs improv
lug. If tho present tlow of water were
confined In iv stone wall thirty feet wide
and twenty feet deep there would bo suf
ficient water to carry ou extensive com
inerce, and if necessary wo could sink
artesian wells to get more water at the
west end of tho river."
A colloquy In tho house:
Mr, Motes Tlio masses throuihuutthecnin.
try pay tho enormous postal receipts returned
by the cities. Who denies than
Mr. ntutfhaui 1 do.
Mr. Moses No suno man could deny It
UiUKhter.
Mr. Uluguaiu-I deny It.
John Allen, of Mississippi, has bee::
rather quiet this season. In discussing
nn election case he raised one good laugh
by telling of a colored voter of his towu
who on every' election day took up his
stand near tho polls nnd waited for what
over might turn up. One timo he waited
und waited in vain, nnd finally, becom
ing Impatient, exclaimed: "Gentlemen,
I is about to vote) Doe any gentleman
wish to sjwak to me?"
Mr. Payne, of New York, talking tariff,
was asked about wages in 1840. "Well,
I havo not studied the question of wages
hack to the time of tho flood." Mr.
Barter asked Mr. Payue if he might in
terrupt him. "Certainly," said Mr.
Payne; "it rests me."
Mr. Dolliver, of Iowa, told of a barber
of his acquaintance who knew every
thing and had a cheerful way of letting
go of it. On another occasion Dolliver
was closely pressed by Mr. Bynum for
explanation of certaiu figures which the
former had given. "I am a philosopher
now," said Dolliver, "and do not care to
go into details."
Mr, Turner, of Georgia, said very neat
ly, "The people- would rather see well
that respecUiblo gentleman whom we
name with reverence, because we do not
know what may happen to us, than thi
taxgatherer."
Mr. Kilgore, of Texas, raised a good
many laughs during tho winter, Onci
he was objecting to a war claim, when
the friend of the bill said the item foi
2,000 bundles of oats at five cents n bun
dle was a reasonable charge at that time.
"I don't know," said Kilgore, "I did nol
feed ou nuts; I was in tho foot cavalry.'
Kilgore gave a member permission to in
terrtipt him if ho woull not mala'
ipeecli. "I do not want your speech
go thundering down tho age with mine.
Mr. Bowers, of California, has made
his share of fun. Tho house laughed n,
him when ho discussod river and luu ho:
appropriations, saying: "I Imvo us ninii
rivers and harbors In my district as these
gentlemen from Now York, Louisiana
incL Florida, who Imvo lieou getting so
much. I am in favor of reform on theli
part. As I understand It, unless I can
get a 'pull' ou tho committee 1 ain't in it,
nor my district, either. Now, I want a
nhow." On another occasion Mr. Bowers
warned his Democratic friends tlmt their
iMilley of economy was a mistake. "You
can't win with tho hand you hold," he
declared; "you havo got to draw und
till, or you will Imi lieaten,"
Tho houso laughed when tho speaker
tried to convince Mr. Pickler, of South
Dakota, that ho was not in order and
should not speak. "Tho gentleman has
not the lloor," said the chairman. "In
deed I havo," replied Pickler, "1 am on
tho floor with my resolution."
Tho houso often had occasion to laugh
nt Mr. Walker, of Massachusetts, for
thn hammer and tongs stylo of his ar
guments. In a tarilT discussion some
one quoted Senator Kvarts on him,
thinking such high Republican author
ity would sllonco him, Walker Wing
also a Republican. But Walker wan
equal to tho emergency. "EvartHt" ho
exclaimed contemptuously; "what does
Evarts know about It?" Ho added that
lawyers outsldo of tho houso were like
lawyers In it thoy know all about law
and everything else. Blaino was also
quoted against him. "What do I euro
about James O. Blaine!" rotorted Walk
er. Mr. Walker having siiokeii of hoiiio
of tho young memlierrt from Massachu
setts us being "fresh, very fresh," and a
point of order lcing raised against such
language, ex-Speaker Reed remarked in
his droll way, "The point of order does
not seem to bo well taken in point of
fact."
Tho houso laughed till Its sides ached
lit what was tho liest story and hit of
tho Besslon, told by O'Forrnll, of Vir
ginia, ut tho expense of Bourko Cockrati.
The latter had just made it speech in his
usual splendid voice, but without going
very deeply Into tho merits of tho ques
tion, when O'Ferrall said ho wuh re
minded of a man who was overtaken at
night in a lonely road by a thunder
storm. Ho could see his way only by
occasional Hushes of lightning. Finally
n terrific peal threw him to his knees,
when ho lifted up his arms and ex
claimed, "Lord, if it is all the same to
you, I'd like to have n little more light
and not quite so much noise!"
Friday nights the house has a special
session for the consideration of pension
bills. Usually tho attendance Is very
small, and the members go in for fun.
Tlio following is from Tho Record:
Tho Clmlrmun -Tlio Kcntlemnn from Tcxns
will bo rvcoKlilcd If ho desire to proceed,
Mr. KllKore tlow much timo would I hoen
titled to?
Tho Chairman-Ono hour.
Mr. Kllnnro rcmulncri Mutnl Inland gesticu
lated ns tlnmuli sieikkliiK, but without address
Inn tho committee.
Several Members Louder, l.auithtcr.
Mr. Ilushncll I rlao ton point of order.
Tho Chnlrmnn Tho ucntleiuan "111 please
statu It.
Mr. Uushncll Wo nro uniihto tn hear tho
gentleman. Laughter.
Mr. Caruth I think tho gentleman Is to bo
congratulated then. Laughter.
Mr. Hlcharitsou I moo to strike tho gen
tlenmn's remark from Tho Itecord. Luiuli
ter.
Tho Chairman Docs tho gentleman from
Texas dcslro to proceed?
Mr. Kilgore I am proceeding. Itughtcr.l
I thought a pantomime would suit this hou
better than n vcch. Laughter.
Tho Chairman Under tli rulo the gentle
mau must address tho chair.
Mr. Smith, of Illinois, is also a humor
ist ut these evening sessions. His favor
ite peroration is, "Behold tho orb of
day." Tho following is from Tho Record:
Mr. Smith Heboid tho orb of day. Laugh
ter. A Member What day was ltf
Mr. emlth-llehold tlio orb or day. whlcli
Laughter mid applause.
Several Members Act un umbrella!
Mr. Smith Heboid tho orb of day, that rlnt-s
gloriously, etc.
On another occasion Mr. Smith is thus
reported hi Tho Record:
I desire to say hero that I have no sympathy
with any out-, haldhcaded or otherwise great
laughter ami applauso, who can say an) thing
detrimental to tho ladles of tho American poo.
pie. llaughter and applause. For, Mr. Chair
man, In our hearts' mirrors their faces shall
ever bo tho fairest, and when they fetand ou
tho shady side of life's rugged hill, with the
shadow s of ago thickening around them, ulth
tho bloom and blushes of youth remembered
only ns things of the past, with silvered
thread among tho locks which onco weit
goldcn lined, many hearts, warm as those who
wooed them In tho summer of life, still gather
around them ami cheer their spirit as they
take their flight to tbociuhracoof those who.
with shailowy hands, shall beckon them on to
the future of their existence in the untet-u
world. Wheuecr my colleagues In this house
may Hnd It comenlent or In accord with their
feelings to say n word In detriment to the
ladles and tho mothers of tho American peo
ple, they will alu it) s find mo Btandlng oppos
ing such sentiments. laughter and applause.
A palpablo hit at tho World's fair peo
ple was that mado by Mr. Moses, of
Georgia. An appropriation of a few
thousand dollai-s for medals was laud
ing ami Mr. Mo.es wanted it defeated,
because it might be u precedent for
larger appropriations later in the session.
Then he told tho story of the little boy
wuo una tue ngui wiin tno gamier nun
got tho worst of It. Next morning his
mother saw him knocking off the heads
of the goslings and asked him, "Why,
Johnny, what are you doing that for?"
"Because they grow up to m ganders,"
he replied. Walter Wellman.
The Ilasts of Fish Stories.
The enthusiastic disciples of Izaak
Walton doubtless baso their wonderful
stories upon their knowledge of the fact
that every square mile of tho sen con
tains 120,000,000 fish of various kinds.
Voter's Kemarkablu Knergy.
Ether must possess more energy than
a veteran lightning rod agent. It has
been computes! by competent authorities
that in n single cubic foot of ether there
are locked up 10,000 feet of energy.
How "iilnras" Wer Named.
It is not generally known, but it is
nevertheless a fact, that guineas were so
named fnuu the fact that they wore first
coined with gold brought from tho coast
of Guinea,
WASTED LABOR.
Th Story nf un KilllnrUI That Was
Nerr I'rliitoit.
CnAPTEIl t.
"Thercl" exclaimed Editor Hhnckelford,
of tho Perkins .function Weekly Thunder
holt, leaning hack in his chair, "If that
doean't settle their linsh and drive the In
famous hounds nut of town there's no vir
tue In strong KiikIIhIi,"
Editor Hhnokelford hnd Just written a
vigorous article In regard ton traveling
auction that had occupied a vacant room
on tho principal street of tho town for
thrco or four days and driven a rushing
business, nnil he felt that ho had roasted
them In his best and most scientific Mtyio.
Ills editorial was as follows:
"A perlp.itetlo gang of bloodsuckers
from now hem In particular and carrying
a lot of soldo and worthless gixsls, ol
tained no ono knows how-, has Infested this
community during the week mid worked
on" a lot, of aheap Jlmoraeks at more than
double their value ou the unsuspecting
citizens of our town, These Irresponsible
fakirs, these mercenary vagnlKimls, thc
Htrolllug auctioneers pay no taxes, con
tribute nothing to the support of 1'crklns
Junction, have no Interests In common
with our people and deserve to ho held ns
designing Interlopers. Under a thlu guNo
of friendliness they carry ou a warfare
against our best Interests. They are publlu
enemies, deserving of universal execration.
Shun them as joii would n pestilence, n
viper, or tho nmlng Haines of perdition It
sclfl Touch tiotasltiglo nrtlclo these Im
pudent, tramping Invaders havo for sale.
No mau or woman who spends h cent ut
their inlserablu ono horse auction is n
giMsl cltl.en. If oti have any self respect,
any publlu spirit, buy your goods of home
merchants and let these cheap, character
less, despicable outsiders alone. If jou
have a drop of patriotic blood In your
veins or any Just tense of the duty you owe
to yourself, your family and tho commu
nity In which jou live, keep away from
theso Peter Funks, and do not iletllu your
homes with any of the cheap, nasty, worth
less 'goods' heaven save the mark! they
are trying to unload ou the good people of
Perkins Junction."
"I think that will finish them," mused
Editor Shucklcfcrd as ho rend it over.
CflAlTKK II.
"Jacobs," said the editor n ho put on
his coat at 6 o'clock p. m. and locked his
desk preparatory to starting for home, "Is
tlmt article I wrote this morning nlxmt the
auction gang In type?"
"Yes, sir," replied tho foreman.
"Make It tho leading article nn thn edi
torial iwigo. When will you bo ready to
go to press?"
"Be ready In fifteen minutes. (Solng to
work off the whole edition this evening.
Got a big day's Job work to do tomorrow."
"All right, Jacobs."
cilAPTr.lt ill.
"Oh, Lycurgusl" exclaimed Mrs. Shack
elford ns the edltorot the Perkins Junction
Weekly Thunderbolt entered his home
fifteen minutes later, "I havo something
to show you I"
She took hi tit Into tho spare room and
pointed to a miscellaneous collection of
things spread out ou tho bed.
"I was coming from down town this
afternoon," hIio said Joyously, "and as I
passed the auction room I stepped in to
see what they were selling. Did jou ever
see such a lovely counterpane? I ot It
for"
"Amanda," said the editor In nn awful
"Walt a minute. You'd never guess
whnt I paid for it. I got it for f.'),75. And
look at those tidies! They only cost mo
atxty-flve ccntsl Then see that lot of pa
per nnd pencils. I got them for you, dear.
Only a dollar. Think of it! Look at that
beautiful iifghan for tho baby carriage,
and these towels, and this lot of sewing
machine needles, and the box of soap, nnd
that half dozen plated spoons! I never
saw things going ho cheap. I got this
whole lot for what's tho matter, Lj'cur
gus? Where are you going?"
"I am going back, madam," said tho
editor with a world weary look In his eye,
"to tho office of Tho Thuiiderlmlt."
CHAPTEIt IV.
"Jacobsl"
"Yes. sir."
"Havo jou got tho forms locked up?"
"Yes, sir."
"Unlock them and lift out that edltoriul
about tho cheap auction."
"Lift It out? What tho Sum Hill havo
we got to put In its place?"
"Put In n dead patent medicine nil! Slap
In tlmt three dollar shoo electrotype! FIJI
out tho page with Lydia Pitikhaml Run
In anything!" yelled Editor Shackelford.
"Yes, sir," said tho Imperturbable Ja
cobs. And thus it came to pass that the most
trenchant editorial ever written in tho
office of Tho Thunderlsjlt wns forever lost
to the good people of Perkins Junction.
THE KNI).
Chicago Tribune.
Not rartlrulur.
Wife Are you going to entertain Mr.
Wet at your club when ho pays us his
promised visit next month?
Husband No, dear, I don't think enough
of him. I'll have him at the house. Club.
Too Great to Hear.
Visitor Whnt is the history of that pa
tient? He looks so Imppy,
Warden (of Insane asylum) He Is. That
man, madam, succeeded in getting a white
vest that fitted him around tho neck, and
It mnde him Insane with Joy, Clothier
and Furnisher.
I'art of the lllrd.
Tho Young Housewife (to the butcher)
Have you a nice spring chicken this morn
ing? "Yes, ma'am,"
"Well, please cut out the croquettes and
sendthem to my address, "Chicago News
Record. They Had Never Met.
"You have never met Miss Cotrox's fa
ther, have j on?"
"Never. He overtook mo once, I remem
ber." Indianapolis Journal,
t'nlliiulng Their Advice.
There wns pot long since a venerable ati I
benevolent judge In Paris who, nt the tuu
tnent of passing sentence on a prisoner,
consulted his associate on each side of
hint as to tho proHr penalty to ho Indicted.
"Whnt ought wo to glvo this roM-nl,
brother?" he said, bending over to the one
upon his right.
"I should say three years."
"What Is your opinion, brother?"
"I should glvo him about four j-ears."
Tho judge, with benevolence! "Prisoner,
not desiring to give you a long snd severe
term of Imprisonment, ns I should have
done If left to myself, I have consulted my
learned brothers, ami I shall take their ad
vice. Seven years)" Tlt-Blts.
llrymid IU
"Do you mean to say, Mr. Dryblrd, thnt
you don't carry a latchkey? I should
think, of nil men in tlio world, you would
need one."
"It's no use to me. I couldn't use one If
I had It. "-Life.
t.'liliier Chestnut.
This Is tlio season of the year when the
fanner goes out to examine the mowing
machine, and comes Into the house with
two lingers missing and reports to Id
wife that the cutter bar Is all right. Bel
fat Age.
F. L begs to Invite tlio attention ot
the public to the exquisite workmanship
of his ladles' hoots. N. B. Every pur
chaser w 111 receive a box of com ointment
free of charge. Netieste Nachrlchtcn.
You never know much about the limit
tnluable until you get up In tho middle ol
the night and reach for tho mosquito it!i
thu wet end of a towel. New York Even
lug Sun.
An editor kept his .tailor's bill "under
consideration" for twelve months, and
then returned It to the author with a litho
graphed nolo saying, "The editor regret
that he Is unable to avail himself of the In
closed manuscript." Tlt-Blts.
Always pass tlio fruit to everybody cite
before helping -ourelf. Common polite
ness will induce your company to leave the
choicest specimens upon the plate, ami
when It comes to your turn you cnn e.it
them without exciting remark. Bosto i
Transcript.
It is a great shock to a young married
woman to realize that when her husband
omes home i Is not to tell her how much
he thinks of her, but to get something to
eat. Chicago Times.
For a full crop ou tho farm commend us
to tho old hen. Lowell Courier.
Many people say they go nwny to get rid
of their business letters, hut the summer
girl relics implicitly on the dally male,
Philadelphia Times.
Persistency is a great virtue, hut It Is
hard to admire It In a llj fcomerville
Journal.
Thanks to tho mosquito, tho angler can
never complain of not getting a bite. New
York Evcnihg Sun.
How to get Inside information: Use a
stomach pump. Truth.
It Is a wise child that knows his own
father when the old man is dressed In a
hired bathing suit. Texas Sittings.
VI' u nt of b-lm!.
Great learning is not always accompa
nied hj lurgo measurcsof "common sense."
The celebrated Dr. Chalmers came home
on horseback one evening, and ns neither
thu man who had charge of his horse nor
thu key of tho stable could bo found he
was puzzled us to the best temporary resl
deuce for thu animal.
At lust he fixed ou tho garden, und lead
ing the horse thither placed him on the
gravel walk. When Miss Chalmers, who
had been nwny from tho house, returned,
nnd her brother told her he hail been una
ble to find the key of the stable, she in
quired what had been done with the horse.
"I took htm to thu garden," Hald tho doc
tor. "To tho gardenl" she exclaimed. "Then
nil our flower and vegetable beds will be
destroj-ed!"
"Don't be afraid of that," said Dr. Chal
mers. "I took particular care to place the
horse ou thu gravel walk."
"And did you really itnagino that he
would stay there?"
"I huve no doubt of it," replied the doc
tor, with calm assurance. "So sagacious
au animal could not full to bo awurc of the
propriety of refraining from injuriug the
products of the garden."
"I am afraid," remarked Miss Chalmers,
"that you will think less favorably of the
discretion of the horse when you have seen
the garden."
True enough, the horse had rolled in and
trampled upon the beds till thej were a
scene of pitiful devastation.
"I never could have imagined," re
marked thu doctor in deep disgust, "that
horses were such senseless animals."
A retort about the surprising Ignorance
of n certain other order of animals must
must huve been on Miss Chalmers' tongue,
but no doubt she kept It back. Youth's
Companion.
A Hungry Man.
Tramp Mudum, will you please give me
a bite to eat? Chicken, for instance.
Lady Do you love chicken?
Trump Do I, mudnui? Huve jou even a
wing of chicken?
Lady No, sir.
Trump Heart?
I-.ndj' No.
Trump GUzard?
Lady No.
Tramp The head?
I-udy I gave tlmt to the cat.
Trump Wheru's the cat? Boston Cou
rier. Depends Upon Circumstances.
Uncle Erustus I doesn't beleebu In
couutlu yo' chlckuus bufo' dey is hutched,
Judge, docs yo'?
Judge Twinkle No, Uucle Erustus; but
experience bus taught luu that 111 this
nclghborhpod one can't begin too soon
aflunvurd. New York Heruld.
A Good !)',
Rev. Dr. Primrose How is It your fa
ther always comes homo from fishing on a
Friday?
Little Jo'.muj' 'Cause he's then suru to
find 11 good assortment of fish lu the mar
ket. New York Evening Suu.
IBBRISU COXSEHVUTORT of MUSIC
and
Academic School for Girls,
liaoala, Nebraska.
All IJrancheiof
If aalc, Art, Elocution,
Literature, and Languages,
Taught by a faculty of Hlxteeu Instructors.
Each Teacher an
ARTIST AND SPECIALIST.
The only Conservatory west of ltoston owm
Ing It own building and furnishing. Are
fined home for lady itudeats. Tuition from
MOO to f 30.00 per term ol 10 wrok.
Write for Catalogue and general Infonaatloa.
O. a HOWKLL, Director.
TheFirsttfitio ail Bank
0 and Tenth Sts.
Capital, $400,000 Surplus, $100,000
OtTlCKIlM
A S. llAMriHW. I'ltfltltnt,
CIIAS.A. MA'AM, Vlee-1'irtliltnt
'. M. COOK. Ctithttr.
V S. l.wriXCUTT. An't Ciuliter.
II. 1). MUA.KH, Am't t'doiff r.
milKCTOHSi
A'. X. ffiiriiixsf, Jniii FdjyemM, II. W. Mimic,
J. I). JMriiifiiml, H .If Cliiia, O. If. Cki;
T. M. Miwiutttr. V. T. Ihw, F .U.Oxia,
dull lf A llivimt, John II. .lmf,
John It. Vivum.
Lincoln, : Nebraska
Capital,
$250,000
Officrr vitl Directoi .'
John II. Wright, Pres. T. K. "nnders, V.-P.
J. II. McCluy, Cashier.
FK Johnson, II I' Ijhi. Thos Cochran. K
UHlier, TWLowery, W I. Dayton
General Hanking limJucss Transacted
Collections a Specialty.
DR. T. O'CONNOR,
(Successor to Dr. Charles Sunrise.)
Cures Cancers Tumors
Wens and Fistulas without lie uso of Kulfo
Chloroform or Ether.
Ollice 18.7 O Street
LINCOLN NEB.
Ladies' and Children's
Hair Catting and Shampooing
a Specialty,
-AT-
SAM. WESTERN'S
BURR : BLOCK.
Santa Fe Route 1
Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe R, R
Th Popular Route to the Pacific
Coast.
Through Pullman and Tourisk
Sleepers
Between Kansas City and SAN DIEGO,
LOS ANGELES, and SAN FRAN-
CISCO. Short Line Rate to
PORTLAND, Oregon.
Double Daily Train Service Between
Kansas City and PUEBLO, COLORADO
STRINGS, and DENVER. Short
Line to SALT LAKE CITY.
The Direct Texas Route
Ud Train Between Kansas City anil
Galveston. The Short Line Between
Kansas City and Gainesville, Ft.
Worth, Dallas, Austin, Temple,
San Antonio, Houston, and
all Principal Point
In Texas.
The- Only Line Running Through the
OKLAHOMA COUNTRY. The
Only Direct Line to the Texa
Pan-Handle. For Map and
Time Tables and Informa
tion Regarding Rate
and Routes Cull on
or Address
B. L. PALMER, Passenger Agent,
13l6Farnam SlritX,
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