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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (March 26, 1892)
CAPITAL CITY COURIER, SATURDAY, MARCH 26, 1892
AT THE TABERNACLE.
THE DIVINE ASTRONOMY A8 DE
SCRIBED BY THE PROPHET8.
In the Unchanging Volume of the Hkles
It li Written That Ootl I a CJml of
InDnlte Order anil Without Variable
net or Shadow of Turning.
UltouKLVN, Mnrch sa In this scrmou
Dr. Tulmago traverses wild realm of
thought to teach useful everyday lessons,
based ou the text, Amos v, 8, "Seek hlin
that mnkcth the Seven Stars and Orion."
A country farmer wroto this text Amos
-of Tokon. -He plowed the earth and
thrashed the grain by a now thrashing
machine just Invented, as formerly tho cat
tle trod out the grain. Ho gathered tho
fruit of tho sycamoro tree and scarified It
with an Iron comb just before It was gut
ting ripe, at It was necessary and custom
ary In that way to take from it the bitter
ness. Ho was tho sou of a poor shepherd
and stuttered, but lieforo tho stnmmcrlug
rustic tho Philistines and Syrians and
Phoenicians 'nnd Monbltesand Ammonites
and Edomltcs and Israelites trembled.
Moses was a lawgiver, Daniel was a
rjrlnco. Isaiah n courtier and David a klntr:
but Amos, tho author of my text, was a
peasant, and, as might bo supposed, nearly
all his parallelisms are pastoral, his proph
ecy full of the odor of new mown hay, and
the rattle of locusts, and tho rumble of carts
with sheaves, and tho roar of wild beasts
devouring tho Hock while tho shepherd
-camo out In their defense. He watched the
herds by day, and by night Inhabited a booth
made out of bushes, so that through these
he could see the stars all night long, and
was more familiar with them than wo who
have tight roofs to our houses and hardly
-ever see the stars, except among tho tall
brick chimneys of the great towns. Hut at
seasons of the year when the herds were in
special danger, he would stay out In tho
open field all through tho darkness, his
only shelter the curtain of tho night heaven,
with tho stellar embroideries and silvered
tassels of lunar light.
What a llfo of solitude, all alono with
his herds) Poor Amost And nt 12 o'clock
at night hark to tho wolf's bark, and the
lions roar, and tho beur's growl, and the
owl's U-whlt-to-who, and tho serpent's
1 ss, as be unwittingly steps too near
while moving through the thickets! So
Amos, like other herdsmen, got tho habit
of stud) ing tho map of the heavens, be
cause it was so much of tho time spread
out before him. Ho noticed soino stars
advancing and others receding. Ho asso
ciated their dawn and setting with certain
seasons of tho year. Ho had a poetic nature,
and he read night by night, and mouth by
month, and year by year, tho poem of the
constellations, divinely rhythmic. Hut
two rosettes of stars especially attracted
his attention while seated on tho ground
or lying on his back under tho open scroll
of tho midnight heavens tho Pleiades, or
Seven Stars, ami Orion. Tho former group
this rustic prophet associated with the
spring, as it rises about tho first of May.
Tho latter ho associated with tho winter,
as it conies to the, meridian in January.
The Pleiades, or Seven Stars, connected
with all sweetness and joy; Orion, the
herald of the tempest. The ancients wore
more apt to study the physiognomy
and Juxtaposition of the heavenly bodies.
because they thought they had a special!
Influence upon the earth, and perhaps they
were right. If the moon every few hours
lifts and lets down tho tides of tho Atlantic
ocean, and tho electric storms of the sun,
by nil scientific admission, affect the
earth, why not the stars have proportionate
WAS IT ALL BUTKnSTITlOXf
And there are somo things which wake
me think that it may not have been all su
perstition which connected tho movements
and appearance of the heavenly bodies
with great moral events on earth. Did not
a meteor run on evangelistic errand on the
first Christmas night and designate the
rough cradle of our 1-ordf Did not the
stars in their courses fight against Slseraf
Was it merely coincidental that before the
destruction of Jerusalem tho moon was
eclipsed for twelve consecutive nights?
Did It merely happen so that a new star
appeared in constellation Cassiopeia, and
then disappeared just lefore King Charles
IX of Franco, who was responsible for thy
St. Bartholomew massacre, died? Was it
without significance that in the days of
the Roman emperor Justli ian war and
(amine were preceded by the dimness of
the sun, which for nearly a year gave no
more light than the moon, although there
were no clouds to obscure it?
Astrology, after all, may have been
something more than a brilliant heathen
ism. No wonder that Amos of tho text,
having heard these two anthems of the
stars, put down the stout rough staff of
the herdsman and took Into his brown
hand and cut and knotted fingers tho pen
of a prophet and advised tho recreant peo
ple of his time to return to God, saying,
"Seek him that maketh the Seven Stars
and Orion." This command, which Amos
gave 785 years H. C, is just as appropriate
for us. 1892 A. D.
In the first place, Amos saw, as wo must
see, that the God who made the Pleiudes
and Orion must bo the God of order. It
was not so much n star here and a star
there that Impressed the inspired herds
man, but seven in one group and seven in
the other group. Ho saw that night after
night and season after season and decade
after decado they hod kept step of light,
each one In Its own place, a sisterhood
never clashing and never contesting prec
edence. From the time Heslod called tho
Pleiades the "seven daughtes of Atlas,"
and Virgil wrote in his JKncid of "Stormy
Orion" until now, they have observed the
order established for their coining and
going; order written not in manuscript
that may be pigeonholed, but with tho
hand of the Almighty on the dome of the
sky. so that all nations may read it. Order.
Persistent order. Sublime order. Om
TIIK CONSOLATION IN NATUItE.
What a sedative to you and me, to whom
communities and nations sometimes seem
going pellmell, and world ruled by some
fiend at haphazard and In all directions
maladministration! The God who keeps,
even worlds in right circuit for six thous
and years can certainly keep all the affairs
of individuals and nations and continents
in adjustment. We had not better fret
much, for the peasant's argument of the
text was right. If God can lake care of
the seven worlds of the Pleiades and the
four chief worlds or Orion, he can probably
take caro of the one world wo Inhabit.
So 1 feel very much as my father felt
one day when we were going to the country
mill to get n grist ground, and I, a boy of
seven years, sat In the back part of the
wagon, and our yoke of oxen ran away
with us and along a labyrinthine road
through the woods, so that I thought
every moment we should be flushed to
pieces, linil I made a terrible outcry of
fright, aud my father turned to me with a
fare perfectly calm, and saldi "Do Will
what are you crying alwutf 1 guess wi
can ride as fast as the oxen ran run.'
And, my hearers, why should lie affrighted
and lose ourequlllbrlum In tho swift move
ment of worldly events, especially when
we are assured that It Is not a yoke of uu
broken steers that are drawing us ou, but
that order and wlso government are In tin'
In your occupation, your mission, yotii
sphere, do the best you can, and then trust
to Clod; and If things are all mixed nil'.'
disquieting, and your brain Is hot and your
heart sick, get some one to go out with you
Into tho starlight and point out to you the
Pleiades, or, better than that, get Into some
observatory, and through tho telescope s
further than Amos with tho naked eye
could namely, two hundred stars In the
Pleiades, and that In what Is called the
sword of Orion there is a nebula computet
to 1hi two trillion two hundred thousand
billions times larger than tho sun. Oh, lie
at peace with the Ootl who niadu all t lint
and controls all that tho wheel of tho con
stellatlons turning In the wheel of galaxies
for thousands of years without the break
ing of a cog or tho slipping of a band or the
snap of an axle. For your placidity and
comfort through tho Iinl Jesus Christ. I
charge you, "Seek him that niaketh the
Seven Stars and OrloiijL.
TIIK LIMIT or oot.
Again, Amos saw, as we must see, that
the (lod who made these two groups of the
text was tho God of light. Amos saw that
God was not satisfied with making one
star, or two stars or three stars, but he
makes seven; and having finished that
group of worlds, makes another group
group after group. To the Pleiades ho
adds Orion. It seems that God likes light
so well that he keeps making It. Only one
being In tho universe knows tho statistics
of solar, lunar, stellar, meteoric creations,
and that is tho Creator himself. And they
have all been lovingly christened, each ouo
a name as distinct as the names of your
children. "He telleth tho number of the
stars; ho calleth them all by their names."
The seven Pleiades had names given to
them, and they arc Alcyone, Mcropu,
Celieno, Elcctra, Sterope, Taygcto and
Hut think of tho billions and trillions ot
daughters of starry light that God calls by
name as they sweep by him witli beaming
brow and lustrous robot So fond Is God of
light natural light, moral light, spiritual
light. Again and again is light harnessed
for symbollzatlon Christ, tho bright
morning star; evangelization, tho day
break; tho redemption of nations. Sun of
Righteousness rising with healing In hla
wings. O men and women, with so many
sorrows and sins and perplexities, if yon
want light of comfort, light of pardon,
light of goodness, In earnest prajcr
through Christ, "Seek him that maketh
the Seven Stars and Orion."
Again, Amos saw, as wo must see, that
the God who made these two archipelagoes
of stars must bu an unchanging God.
There had been no change in tho stellar
appearance in this herdsman's lifetime,
ami his father, a shepherd, reported to him
that there had been no change in his life
time. And these two clusters hang over
tho celestial arbor now just as they were
tho first night that they shone on the
Kdenlc bowers; tho samo as when the
Egyptians built the pyramids, from the
top of which to watch them; tho same as
when the Chaldeans calculated the eclipses;
mo samo as wnen hllliu, according to the
book of Job, went out to study tho aurora
uoreans; mo samo unuer I'toicmnic system
and Copcrnicun system; the same from
Cnlistheues to Pythagoras, aud from
Pythagoras to Herschel. Surely, a change
less God must have fashioned the Pleiades
and Orion! Oh, what an anodyne amid
the tips and downs of life, aud the flux anil
reflux of the tides of prosperity, to know
that we have a changeless God, tho same
"yesterday, today and forever!"
fickli:ni:ss ok kaiitiilv moxaiiciis.
Xerxes garlanded and knighted the
steersman of his boat in the morning and
hanged hint In the evening of the samo
day. The world sits in its chariot and
drives tandem, and the horse ahead is
Hu..a and the horse behind is Anathema.
Lord Cobhuin, in King .lames' time, was
nppluudcd, and hod thirty-five thousand
dollars a year, but was afterward execrated
and lived ou scraps stolen from the royal
kitchen. Alexander the Creat after death
remained unburied for thirty days, because
no one would do tho honor of shoveling
him under. The Duke of Wellington re
fused to huve his iron fence mended because
It had been broken by an infuriated pop
ulace in some hour of political excitement,
and he left it iu ruins that men might
learn what a fickle thing is human favor.
"Hut the mercy of the Iord Is from ever
lasting to everlasting to them that fear
him, and ills righteousness unto tho chil
dren's children of such as keep his cove
uant, and to those who remember his com
mandments to do them." This moment
"Seek him that maketh the Soveu Stars
Again, Amos saw, as wo must see, that
the God who mado these two beacons of
the oriental night sky must be a God of
love and kindly warning. Tho Pleiades
rising In mldsky said to all the herdsmen
and shepherds and husbandmen, "Come
out and enjoy the mild weather aud culti
vate your gardens nnd fields." Orion, com
ing In winter, warned them to prepare for
tempest. All navigation was regulated by
these two constellations. The one said to
shipmaster aud crew, "Hoist sail for the
sen and gather merchandise from other
lauds." Hut Orion was the storm signal,
aud said, "Reef sail, make things snug
or put into harbor, for the hurricanes are
getting their wings out." As tho Pleiades
were the sweet evangels of the spring,
Orion was the warning prophet of the
LESSONS OK TIIK 8KABON8.
Oh, now I get tho best view of God I ever
had! There are two kinds of sermons I
never want to preucii the one that pre
sents God so kind, so Indulgent, so lenient,
so Imbecile that men may do what they
will against him and fracture his every
law and put the pry of their impertinence
and rebellion under his throne, and while
they are spitting in his face and stubbing
at Ids heart, lie takes them up in his arms
and kisses their infuriated brow and cheek,
saying, "Of such is the kingdom of heaven."
The other kind of sermon I never want to
1 . 4i 4 . ) n
preach Is tho one that represents God as al
lire and torture mid thu idercloiid, and
with red hot pitchfork tossing the human
race Into paroxysms or lullnlte agony. The
sermon that I am now-prcachlng believes
In n God of loving, kindly warning, the God
of spring and winter, the God of tho Plei
ades and Orion.
You must remember that the winter is
just as important as the spring. Let one
winter pass without frost to kill vegetn
tlou and Ice to bind the rivers aud snow to
enrich our fields and then you will have to
enlarge your hospitals and your cemeteries.
"A green Christmas makes a fat grave
yard" was the old proverb. Storms to
purify the air. Thermometer at ten do1
grees above r.ero to tone up tho system.
December and January just as Important
as May and dune. I toll you we need the
storms of llfo as much as we do tho sun
shine. There ate mora men ruined by
prosperity than by adversity. If wo had
our own way in life, before this wo would
have Iteeti Impersonal Ions ot selfishness
and worldlluess and disgusting sin, and
puffed up until wo would have Wen like
Julius Ciesnr, who was mado by syco
phants to lelloo that he was divine, aud
tho freckles on his face were as stars of the
One of tho swiftest transatlantic voyages
mado last summer by our swiftest steamer
was because she had a stormy wind ntmft,
chasing her from New York to Liverpool.
Hut to those going In tho opposite direc
tion the storm was a buffeting and a hin
drance. It Is a bad thing to have a storm
ahead, pushing us back; but If wo bo God's
children and aiming toward heaven the
storms of life Mill only chase us tho sooner
Into tho harbor. I am so glad to Mlee
that the monsoons nnd typhoons nnd mis
trals and siroccos of tho land nnd sea are
not unchained maniacs let hxiso upon the
earth, hut are under divine supervision! I
am so glad that the God of the Seven Bturs
is also tho God of Orlolil It was out of
Dante's suffering came the sublime "1)1
vlna CommtO'u," and out of John Milton's
blindness came "Paradise Lost," and out
of miserable Inlldel attack came the
"Hrldgewater Treatise" In favor of Chris
tianity, aud out of David's exile camo the
songs of consolation, ami out or tho sillier
Ingsof Clirlst come the possibility of the
world's redemption, and out of your be
reavement, your persecution, your pover
ties, your misfortunes may yet come an
Tilt: ItOLLIKU WOIII.DS ON IllOlt.
Oh, what a mercy It Is that In tho text
nnd all up and down the Hihlo God Induces
us to look out toward other worlds! Hihlo
astronomy in Genesis, In Joshua, In Job, In
the Psalms, In tho prophets, major and
minor, In St, John's Apocalypse, practical
ly saying; "Worlds! worlds! worldsl Get
ready for theml" We have n nicii little
world here that wo stick to, as though los
ing that we lose all. We are afraid of fall
ing off this little raft of a world. Wo are
afraid that some meteoric Iconoclast will
some night smash It, aud wo want every
thing to revolvo around It, and aro disap
pointed when we find that It revolves
around the sun Instead of the sun revolv
ing around it. Wliataftisswemakoaliout
this little bit of a world, Its existence only
a short time between two spasms, tho par
oxysm by which it was hurled from chaos
Into order, aud the paroxysm of Its demo
And 1 am glad that so many texts call
us to look off to other worlds, many of
them larger and grander and more re
splendent. "Iok there," sas Job, "at
Ma.aroth aud Arcturus and his sons!"
"Look there," says St. John, "at the moon
under Christ's feetl" "Look there," says
Joshua, "at the sun standing still iiIkjvo
Gibcon!" "Ijook there," says Moses, "at
tho sparkling firmament!" "Look there,"
says Amos, tlio herdsman, "at the Seven
Stars and Orion!" Don't let us bu so sad
about thoso who shove off from this world
under Christly pilotage. Don't let us be
so agitated about our own going off this
little barge or sloop or canal boat of i
world to get ou some Great Kastcrn of
the heavens. Don't let us persist in want
ing to stay hi this barn, tills shed, this out
house of a world when all the king's palaces
already occupied by many of our best
friends are swinging wide oieu their gat js
to let us iu.
When I read, "Iu my Father's house are
many mansions," I do not know but that
each world is a room, aud as many rooms
as there arc worlds, stellar stairs, stellar
galleries, stellar hallways, stellar wlndowt;,
stellar domes. How our departed friends
must pity us shut up in these cramped
apartments, tired if we walk fifteen milcr,
when they some morning, by one stroke of
wing, can make circuitof the whole stell ir
system ami he hack iu time for matiiu.'
Perhaps yonder twinkling constellation Is
the residence of the martyrs; that group
of twelve luminaries is tlie celestial home
of the apostles. Perhaps that steep of
light Is the dwelling place of angels cheru
hie, seraphic, ntchaugelle. A mansion
with as many room as worlds, and all
their windows Illuminated for festivity.
TIIK HTI.MUI.U8 TO CIIIIISTIAN TIIOUQIIT.
Oh, how tills widens aud lifts and stim
ulates our expectations! How little it
makes the present and how stupendous it
makes the future! How It consoles us
about our pious dead, who, Instead of be
ing boxed up and under the ground, have
the range of as many rooms as there are
worlds, and welcome everywhere, for It Is
tho Father's house, In which there ure
many mansions! Oh, Lord God of the
Soveu Stars and Orion, how can I endure
the transport, the ecstasy of such a vision!
I must obey my text ilud seek-him. I will
seek him. I seek him now, for I call to
mind that It is not the material universe
that is most valuable, but the spiritual,
and that each of us lias a soul worth more
than all the worlds which the Inspired
herdsman saw from his liooth ou the kills
I had studied It before, but the Cathe
dral of Cologne, Germany, never im
pressed me as it did the last time I saw It.
It is admittedly the grandest gothic struc
ture In the world, Its foundation laid iu
1248, only eight or nine years ago com
pleted. More than six hundred years iu
iiillding. All Kurope tnxed for Its con
struetion. Its chapel of tho Mugl with
precious stones enough to purchase a king
dom. Its chapel of St. Agues with master
pieces of painting. Its spire springing five
hundred and eleven feet Into tho heavens.
Its stained glass tho chorus of nil rich
colors. Statues encircling tho pillars nnd
encircling all. Statues above statues, until
sculpture cun do no more, but faints and
fulls back against carved stalls and down
on pavements over which tho kings and
queens of the earth have walked to con
fession. Nnvo and aisles and transept nnd
portals combining the splendors of sunrise.
Interlaced, Interfollated, iutercolumiied
grandeur. As I stood outside looking nt
thu douhlo range uf flying buttresses ami
the forest of pinnacles, hlglier and higher
and higher, imtll I almost reeled from diz
ziness, I exclaimed: "Great doxology In
stone! Frozen prayer of many nations!"
Hut while standing there I saw a poor
iipin enter and put down his pack and
kneel beside his burden on thu hard floor
of that cathedral, And tears of deep
tiiiuiiuii iiiiuu ituw nn v) ui lit 1 nuu iu iu
I Rl,f. T ,s , w' u
, U. Iimlt.rlu, hurron,uKs. That man will
live after the last pinnacle has fallen, and
not one stone of all that cathedral glory
shall remain tincrumbled. Ho Is now n
Lazarus in rags and poverty and weari
ness, but Immortal nnd n sou of the Lord
God Almighty, aud tho prayer he now
offers, though amid many superstitions, I
belieVL God will hear, and among the
apostles whose sculptured forms stand In
the surrounding niches ho will at hist lie
lifted, ami into the presence of that Christ
whose suiTerlligs aru represented by the
crucifix la-fore which he bows, nnd be
raised In duu tlmo out of nil his povcrtlcu
Into the glorious home built for him and
built for us by 'him who maketh the
Beveu Stars aud Orion.' "
HIS FIRST SMOKE.
)eorgl I IVisuadrd In Try a rip
Wishes llo Wa lleatl After II.
deer edltur htlst ulte I was most ded.
I Jest prald that I wood die, hut gawd
:lhlent auslr ml iiralr nil 2 da I felo Uiter,
no I am glad that gawd dldent anslr mi
I jest wish tho that ml urn & pnwood ba
lltel luolr kinder 2 me. thay seed how
sick I wo an thay dldent felo a bit sorrl 4
mo an sed It served mo rltocauso 1 wos sik.
this Is how It ill happlllld.
I met bll
an he sed
gorgle, r u with lue.
ov eoss bll node t was with him cause I
was stntidln by him, hut that Is null slang,
an wen cut 1 says r u with mo thay mena
wll u go In a seeine, so wen bll sed r u with
me 1 sed yes.
then I sed wal Is It.
this, he sed, an he tuk a plpo out of his
pocket an n (taper of tohacker.
wal do ll inelie, I askld.
wy, wat the matter with havln a smoke,
so I sed I am with u.
then we went 2 r barn an bll filled his
plpo an then glvu mo 1 2 smoke, bll has
sinokld 4 a long time. I never smokld In
ho, bll, I sed, alut It rung for mo 2 smoke
wen he handed me the pipeful of tohacker,
now, sed bll, dont bo n fttle gorgle. yura
pa is a sundl seool techer nn he smokes, no
how can It h rung.
sol put the pipu Iu ml mouth an till
striked a match and 1 commenced 2 pull on
the pipe, the smoko tasted orful nasty an
It choked me.
how dtt li like It, gorgle, bll sed.
ho, It Is Hue, I sell, cause If I sed I dldent
like It bll wood luff an say I was a reglar
so I went on sinokln an smokln nn hi &
bll commencld to fele like I wood like 2
thro away thu plpe.onll I wasafrade ov bll
lalllii nt me.
then hi & hi I sed 2 bll I woodcut smoko
mil more cans I dldent want to Impose ou
his good natur hi takln his tohacker, hut
bll sed not 2 mentln it, cause It dldent cost
him mil thing cause he swiped It frum his
ho, foolish boy wat I was, I tuk sum uiolr
tohacker an smoked sum tuolr, bl an hi 1
saw the wals of tho barn comeuce 2 move
a round an I felt like ml bed wood bust, sc
I lade down the pipe an tole bll I woodcut
smoke an I molr 4 sure, cause I node 1 was
robin him ov his tohacker.
bll trldo 2 git mo to smoko sum molr but
I rely coodetit. way down In ml stomlk It
felt like n lot of peopul wos fltlu, nn then I
got so slk I had 2 lay down. I kep gctln
worse nu worse an I thoto 1 wos dyln.
bll jouMin, I sed, I alut gone 2 live much
longer, but wen u take ml (led body home
dont tel ml ma ami pa a bote me smokln.
but bll onl I luffed an sed I wood b al rite
In a lltel wile, an that If 1 thot I wos dyln 1
liettcr bo tuk home, so bll helped me get
ou ml fete an I got home.
heavlngs, gorgle, said ma wen 1 got In
the house, wat malks u so pale wats tho
matlr with u child.
t tried to make b love thay wosentnothin
tho matlr, but ma sed thay wos an sent 4 a
wen ho cum ho tolo inn 1 had botn smokln.
then ma crido an sed 1 wos a lost child
an that she dldent think I cood b so wicked
as 2 hiunke an that tho lest thing she cood
du wood bo 2 send mo 2 a peuuytentary.
I woodcut care If they sent me 2 a butcher
shop 2 b cut up 4 sasslge mete.. I jest wlshld
I wood die. ho, 1 wos orful slk.
then wen pa cum homo he hiked nt mo,
an he askld wat wos the matlr, nnd ma sed
1 had a lied ake, cause she dldent want him
2 no I had ls?ni smokln.
but pa wos ded on. ho Jest coined over 2
mo nu sed, wel, u wantld 2 bo a man dldent
li. it smoked, illdut u. how did it like It.
I oull groucd.
then pa got his plpo nn (lid It with missus
millers best an maid me smoke It, saylu,
men don't stop nt 1 pipe fill ov tohacker. u
must halv n gild smoke, if u evlr waul a
smoko agaiie tel me so, au u kin halv my
If I had been a big man nu wosent so slk
I wood halv licked pa. I trido 2 ask him 4
merci, but I coodent spoke. I jist closid
ml eyes au prald 4 gawd 2 inalk mo a gud
boy au let me die.
then I went 2 sleap an next day I wos
,1 promlcid ma I wood nevlr smoke nganc.
lltel bov, nevlr smoke, that Is ml advise.
If u must smoke halv a pistol with u, an
then wen u get sick u kin kil yourself,
you res, gorgle. New York Mercury.
With Oood Itenson.
It Is said that nothing stamps tho edu
cated man like thecorrect use of adjectives
and adverbs. Andy Trumbull was a popu
lar merchant iu a small way, but In nu
evil hour he committed a forgery, which
He was tried at tho next term of court,
and Kphrnlm Hlulr was among thoso who
went over to the county seat to hear tho
"Well?" said tho wlfo on his return.
"Guilty," said Kphralm laconically.
"Land suzl" cried Mrs. Blair. "How
did poor Andy take It?"
"Well," said Kphralm reflectively, "I
looking right at Andy when he was sen
tenced, nnd it struck me that ho was em
barrassed." Youth's Companion.
A Hiiro Hlgn.
Dr. Dumps (n phrenologist) This boy,
ma'am will never dio iu state's prison.
Mrs. Gimlet I'm sure we oug'it to be
thankful for that.
Dr. Humps Yes, tho bump of longevity
Is highly developed; he will live to serve
out his time. Truth.
Hostess Shall I have you helped to koiuo
of the lemonade, Major Claptrap?
Major Claptrap Thank you, madam, no.
You have probably heard the old saying,
"You may take an ass to water, but you
can't make him drink."
Hostess Then I
won't press you an
THE RED, RED WEST,
I've traveled In heaps of cmintrliM ami studied
all kinds of art,
Till tlioro Isn't a critic or ennuolssuiir who's
properly deemed so smart.
And I'm free to say llmt Hie grand results of
my explorations show
That somehow paint gels roddor tho farther
nut west I unt
I've slpissl the voluptuous sherbet that the
nrlciil ivls semi,
And I'xefclt the glow of red llordentii tingling
riieh separate nerve)
I've sampled j our ohissla Mnsslo under an
Ami I've reeked with song a wholo night long
osera brown poteen.
The stalwart brow of Hut lsnd o' cakes, the
schnapps of the frilitnl Diltiih,
The much praised wine of the distant Rhine,
and the beer praised ovoruuiehl
Thonlo of dear old Umilon ami tho port of
All, ml Inllii., have I taken In a hundred thou
Yet, as I nfiui'Uiuiilloiioil, thoto other ohsrms
Compared with the paramount gorguouinoM
with which the west Is fraught!
For art and nature aro just tho samo In the
land where tho porker grows,
Ami the paint keeps getting redder tho farther
out west one goes,
Our savants havo never discovered tho reason
why this Is so,
And ninety per cent, of the Inyinon oaro lots
than the savants know
It answers every purpose, that this Is manifest!
The paint keeps gutting redder tho farther you
go out west!
Glva mo no homo 'nenth tho palo pink doino
of European skies
No cot for mo by tho salmon sea that far to tho
But away out west I would build my nest on
top of a carmine hill,
Whcru 1 can paint without restraint, creation
Ktigono Field In Chicago News.
Kxplulnlng Ills Theory,
Tho Stevenson Street Colored church
held nu luformnl lllhlo meeting last
Friday night, and tho minister a recent
"cull" gave a talk on tho thrilling
story of tho uxodtis. To account for tho
safe passage of tho Israelites over tho Ited
sea tlio minister submitted a theory that
tho Hed sea was frozen over and thus af
forded the (teoplo of God a means of csoupu
from the cohorts of Pharaoh,
"Vou see, bruddern," said tho preacher,
smiling affably from .his rostrum at tho
congregation, "du charrotsob Pharaoh war
so hobby dat dey sank troodo Ice an dwouod
At tills junctiiroa long necked brother
aroso and saldt
"I lx-g t' su'tnlt dat I havo studied do
gografy, an de gografy say dat dat placo
am do tropics, an de tropics am too hot fur
Ice, nu I want to hah dat plutubcout do Ice
A dense silence ensued. Tho worshipers
looked nt each other with panic stricken
eyes. Tho minister filially straightened
up, tho light of a now Idea In his fuce,
aud addressing tho Inquisitive brother, re
plied: "I am deotdy uratcf ill dat do brtiddor her.
asked dat qucstchun. I puceed t'unswer It
wit feeling. Vou see, doso times war a
great many years ago, befo' doy hed cny
gogrnllcs, nn liefo' dey war cny troplcsl"
Tho worship went on smoothly nftor
that, and nt tho next meeting of tho trus
tees tho minister's salary was raised to
94.75 a week. San Francisco Wasp.
A Good Color Combination
Ho Oh, It's just his money! I don't se
how- you can stand n man with a nose as
rtsl as a danger signal.
She It's not. Ilesldes It would be dif
ferent If I were a blond; hut any shade of
red goes very nicely with my complexion.
A l'Htal Objection.
Trumping Jake It's getting to bo too
hnrd work to pick up a livln in this coun
try. Kf It wuzn't so fur nway I'd go to
Central Amerlky. A man don't hev to do
nutliiu there. Wholo country's covered
with bananas. Nothlu to do but lay under
a tree all day an eat bananas.
Rusty Kufo Got to pick 'em otl'n tun
trees, hain't yef
"I knowed ther' wur. some drnwback."
Once there was a hired man who wai
constantly astonishing his employer, 11
farmer, by doing strange and unexpected
things. One day thu farmer went Into the
burn and found that this man had hanged
himself. Looking at tho dangling lsxly a
few minutes, hoexclaimed, "What on earth
will that fellow do next?" Texas Sifting.
Nn Mttlu Tuct Ueijulrcd.
Ho When Is that "leap year sleigh ride'
of yours coining off?
She Oil, I don't kuow yet.
He I thought It was all arranged. Why
tho delay I
Sho We are going In two sleighs, and 1
have got to classify the people who don't
speak to each other. HulTalo Courier.
Facetious Caller (who finds his friend ex
ercising with the dumbbells) What's the
mutter? Getting ready to write another
Literary Aspirant No; I'm getting ready
to sell one. Washington Star.
A rrucllral View.
Son Here's a horseshoe I found in the
street good one too.
Papa Well, throw it away.
"Isn't It lucky to find a horseshoe?"
"Not unless you own a horse," Good
Tom Hullo' "Invitations are out for it
well dance Iu Horticultural hull on the
18th." Wonder why they left me out?
Jack I'robubly on account of their
haughty culture! Harvard Lampoon.
,. ' a y 'fir
Mr. Mornml of Omaha Dancing Acad
my lint, opened classes In nil the
Children 4 p. m, Adults 7:30 p. m.
Circulars nnd particulars may be lind nt the
Courier olllcc, iijf N street,
KIHHT AUDITION TO
Tlio most beailllfili suburban prop
erty now 011 the market. Only
three h'nek from tlio hnmUumn Lin
coln Normal University and but
three blocks from the prooscd
eleetilo railway. These lots aro now
bring placed oil the market at
Exceedingly Low Prices and Easy Tern
I'or plat, terms and Information, call ou
M. W. FOLSOM, TRUSTEE.
Insurance, Ileal Instate and I,oan Ilrokor
lloom id), Newman illnck, 102.1 O Htreot
NEBRASKA CONSEK.VAORY or MUSIC
Academic School for Girls,
Music, Art, Elocution,
Literature, and Languages,
I aught by a Faculty or Hlxteou Instructors.
IZneh Teacher an
ARTIST AND SPECIALIST.
Tho only Conservatory west of lloston own
ing Its own building ami furnishings. A re
fined homo for lady stiulonts. Tuition from
ls.00 to ;).() per term of IU weeks,
Write for Catnloguound general Information.
O. II. HOWKLL, Dlrcotor.
Kino Dust Cabinets 1 per doton. HpcoU
ates to studonts. Call and seo our work.
Open from 10 n, in. to 4 p. m. Humlays.
tudio, 1314 O Street.
Tht most exquisite preparation for tho skta
Cure Chapped HaiMJ, Chafed or Hoaldal
Removes Tan and Freckles.
Positive cure fo-Hult Illiptim. Ladle pr
nounco It nerlectlon. Excellent louse aflat
having, l'erfoctly harmless l'rlco Twenty
Dvi cents. Hold bv all llra-cUss druggist.
Has secured during 1892:
V. D. Howells,
Ht. Georgo Mlvnrt,
It. IiiIh Hlnveiihon,
H. Kldor Haggard,
J. Chandler Harris,
. nara iiuNsen,
Mary K. Wllklns
1 I'liivua iimiHHUii iiuiiiui.I
And iimuyotlinrdlNtliiKuUhed writers.
lnnjinil llftilnanti lliimmlt
s the greatest Sunday Nowspupoi In tlio
Price 5c a copy. By mail $2 a year.
Addrrss The Nun, New York.
is the pivot
A numlwr of years ago I suggested
to ono of my clients that ho place nn
advertisement for goods used exclu
sively by men Iu a paper supposed to
be read exclusively by women. Tho
nd vertlsemeut npeared ; it continued
iu that paer several consecutive
years. The actual mail cash sales,
coming directly from that advertise
ment, were two or thrisj times as
great, reckoning proxrtionate cost,
than cuine from the same advertise
ment in any of the hundred puers
my client was advertising in. Since
then I have made these experiments
many tlmo, until I Isdieve I havo a
right to claim that the experiment
hns passed Into fact. A'ufVi C. fowler,
Jr., Atlretilsiny Kxjwrt.
The fouiilKli is the favorite joura a
among the ladles of Lincoln and adjacent
country. Plant your announcement In its
columns nnd reuu b"t results.
C. L. RICHARDS,
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