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CAPITAL CITY COURIER, SATURDAY JANUARY 16, 1892.
'
I
"The foremost of our periodicals."
COMMAKDIHO
BVERY 0SGA1
CENTRE OF
THOUOHT AHD
ACTION IX
THE WOULD,
Aismpltcoprwltl.
Illustrated protpic
Ins will b lint lot
Result.
IK EDWIN ARNOLD.
Tn Forum In tho most Instnictlr.
the moot tlmesr. llw Unrest and)
thn handsomest of thn retlew.
The Noxt Number Especially Good.
TALES FROM
Town Topics
READ BV ALL MEN AND WOMEN.
I'mIiIIkIumI first day nf December, March,
Juiib inl Hciteinler.
DELICATE, DAINTY. WITTY,
INTENSE.
Kvery reputable news and book stand 1ms It.
l'rlcr, kIiikIo number, RO Cl'.NTS. '4.IMI
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This brllllniit Quarterly reproduces tlio licst
Morten, sketches, burlesques, pis-ms, wlttb
chin', etc., from tho bnck numU-rs of Hint
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Town Tories, which Is published meAty. Hub
scrlptlon price, SI.OJ per car.
Tho two piitillcatloiis "Tows Tones" nnd
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Ask your newsdealer for tlit'in or address,
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For Information and free Handbook wrlto to
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veart ll.'O six iiinntlis. Address MUNN CO.,
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The Popular Route to the Pacific
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The Direct Texas Route
Solid Trains Between Kansas Citv ami
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Kansas City nnd Gainesville, Ft.
Worth, Dallas, Aitbtln, Tempi:,
San Antonio, Hounton, and
all Principal Points
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TheOnlv Line Running Through the
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Only Direct Line to the Texas
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Time Tables and Informa
tion Regarding Rates
and Routes Call on
or Address
E. L. PALMER, Passenger Agent,
4!t N.f. Life Building,
02v JL.-ELJL, OiTIEB.
U-rrt.tfc-Ya
Fractlaa. U
othtr wonli.wt
will tfich yoa
I KIF, and Karl
you In builnrif,
atMlildiyoiiran
raiiMlvrttlirrln
tlitUuliar. V
can a n it will. If
Xoiii.Iracjfach
yoiiulrkljrltnw
tarnm riituiWa
to MIO ftriar
at Ilia tiart, anil
Hurt at v ii fQ
On. I loth ttB(
allaffi, In an
jarlif Aiutilta,
yut tan (tin
nirura at Ii m,
riving nil ur
tlm. or i).ir
IlluinrnU uiilv,
to I ha irnrli.
Wtmwi-.ir.rli
iuw ami II la
btau jirovvtl
artt an I uvrr
afTAltMllillKICNt
uy It tun fr
cirry w urkar.
l'aiy In ini,
MiiTilflt abili
ty rfnlt(l.
Ilrantiialila In
dusiry pitlynw.
rsiary fr aun
larga inreatt.
U'a Hurt you,
fiirnUiilna: rv
tryllilnir mu la
onafif Ilia jrcat
til In fornaril
la tutrul.tnYtntWarToffrrsi, tint milch alltwktra. Ills
IrotiaMy lh Brrairst vMrtiuttiy lilwrlna; tl hartrrr
iiotvu. Now) lliatliiiv. Iir'ay iiifmis loss, I'iiII rartl iitir
In, lirttrr "tltt nt mil'. A 'M , )i:ICUIl
MTlS'SO.N li (' llox 4HH, I'oiiliiinl, Maine.
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HE KNEW ABOUT IF
An Alirrtlolt. IMiKtrHlliiK Ibu Sntpr ol
IliisiUtonii'it Knowledge.
Ail iiiu-itlotf ! Kilil nf Mr (tliuWtntic
which IHuMrati" -arlkliiKly tin- virHtlllty
mid lircinltli of kiiowlcilKi' of tliitl rciiiurk
nhle mini Twt porHounl frli'iiiU of Mr
(IIiiiU(hh once laid it plan to iimhim' thum
hcIvch. ntiil pluy n Juki upon hint
Tin.1)' wcretodlscuHHln his prv.sontcHonii'
Hiihjt'ct of which he tulKlit he prcstiiucd to
Ik' iKiionitit, nnd then, Imvltiu; pretcudcil
to ilhuiftri't1 (Ireltlcdly, to appeal to Mr
(lIuiNtnue to Meltlu tho point The fun war
to (.onu when he win forced totonfesn th.it
there wiim one subject which lie hud not
Htmlled.
Thinplnu they carried out, hut It un.
not ho 1'iuy to liml the tnplu on which Mr
Gladstone iiiut coiifeKshlniHelf "nluininl.
At la-it theic wan discovered hi an old
neWHpaper an article on Chinese uIicj.
The description of the K"ine had been
copied from u well known iniiKalne '11 1 1 v
HeeuiMl proinlsliiK
The cousplmton studied the article iti
Hiduoiixly until they hud In-come thoniimb
ly familiar with It Then they walled fi i
their opiHirttinlly It came when the
were Invited to n dinner where Mr Chn!
stone wiw to he present, Seated on eae i
tilde of their Intended victim by nrranp
incut with the host, they beKaii to put
their scheme In cratloii.
Mr (lladstone had maintained his rt-pi
tatlon throughout the evening for belli.1
thoroughly HC(iialuted with not only tin
leading questions of the day, hut even
subject which had U'cii thnsfnr Introduce I
by those around liim , Hit neighbors on
either side began to discuss games of nKHI
and chance generally
Every Tew minutes one or the othei
would appeal to Mr, Gladstone to clear up
some particularly complicated point in
disputed question. Iletwecli then, the)
Hkillfully led the conversation up toChltu-M
chess, and soon found their opportunity to
argue Homewhut warmly in regard in a
certain matter connected with the game
They had studied the article ho cloel)
that they reeated much of it almost ver
batim Mr niadstoue seemed intercstisl
but said nothing The two Jokcra, linvaiil
ly eongratuhitlng themselves for their sue
cess, continued the conversation with moie
animation than ever.
The host, who had been taken Into the
iwcri't, wimiin amused xpectutor of whnl
he thought was his honored guest's em
harrnxsincul.
Ylicu they had Mulshed their mock
battle, Mr Gladstone, who had not utteicd
a word, took a sip of colTee, replaced lin
eup in the saucer, and remarked pleas
antly
"Gentlemen, I observe that you have
Ih-cii reading an article on Chinese chess
in The - Review, which 1 wrote!"
Youth's Companion.
Too llnsy.
The Skeptical Au nt Wliat docs be do,
Dolly, for a living?
Dolly (greatly mirprlsed) Why, auntie,
lie does not have time to earn u living while
we are engaged, Life.
Why lie Was Married.
Fifty year ago "Uncle Harry" wits u
well known resident of a village in the Old
Colony, writes a correspondent. Slow of
speech and action, he was reputed to be
"easygoing." He had lived to the age or
seventy without a wife, and it wits opeiil)
said that he was "too la.y to go courting.''
which of course marked him as a very l.i.-.
man Indeed.
One day the village wits startled by the
news of Uncle Harry's marriage. Shortly
afterward the -.quire, its the otjo lawyer of
the place wits called, happened to be driv
ing pitst Uncle Harry's farm, and seeing
the old man in the yard stopped for u little
gossip The bridegroom, visibly "Hinnrt
ened up." wits resplendent with happiness.
'You seem so well contented, how did It
happen you never married In-foref" asked
thf squire.
"I diiuiio," drawled Uncle Harry. 'I've
bad marriage feelings come over me lots o
times, lint they never lasted long 'noiigh
for me ter get anywheres."
"Hut this time they lasted-"
"Willi, no, not egg.actly. you see, Eunice
eoiuo along and staid I" Youth's Coin
paiiion
l.tko Ills Mother.
"I was iHirn In Indliuiy," says a HtraiiKor limk
unci slim,
As us fellers In the rc-Minimm was kind n
Kuyln him.
And Undo Juke was hIIiIIii lilmHiiotlierpun'kln
pie
And an extra cup n' entree, with n twinkle In
Ills iiyo
"I was lorn In Indlany -moro'ti forty years
BRO,
And I hain't been back In twenty and I'm
workln buck 'tin I slow;
Uut I've -t In every restiiiiriuit "twlxt hero mid
Sunta Ke.
And I want to state this rol'eo tu.,tes like u'lt-
lltl home to me!
"Pour us out aniitlu-r. daddy." says the feller,
wuruiln up,
A-HH"iikin i-rost a suiieerlul. as unt-lc tuck bis
cup
"When I seed your hlu'li out Huidor," bu vut
on In I'lU'lu .lake
"'(.'oiiie in and net wiiihm olfi-e like your inothcr
u-sl io iiiiike'
"I tlimndit ot myrolil innlliei and the l'ot
cniini) tarin.
Ami un- a llllle kid iiu'lu a.miiiln on lit-r iiriu
Assl.e the il ii'lilllu broke the em;s mid
IhiiiiimI em lu"
Ami Hie teilei kind n luiliid with a Ireiiilile
in nisi inn
And I lirle hike lie li-telied tin- fcller' inlfee
nai k nun kIihmI
As miIi-iuii lei it uiuinii- as an uiuli-l Inker
uuilld
I'ln-n lie sort o luria-d'aiid llploeil to'nl llif
kllelien iIimii ulid ueil
lliTf iiiih nixolil Ileum with nliu.a.ruhlilu
(It lli-l pees
And Kin iiislie-. Ini Ihe Iraimcr. uml she hoi
ii-rxuut "Ii'k IiiiiiI
I'liaiik iiihI mc -t. mii'I him loinlul Don't )ou
know ) tnti uuilhi-i, liuir"
liil Mil- lelli-i as he Krahhisl del, saks, "Von
hit I Imln't Iniu-iii"
Kill, ulpln ot his cie. iis tin, "Your eoiree'-
uiluhty hoi '
.lumen VVhltrouib liiivt.
Marred Om.
,lr',V llaiulllnn Gibson, !ie artist, tells
this ii4 one of his experiences In N'eir Kiik
laud. He was slopping at the home of a
man imuu-il Galusha, where he had hslgisl
'luring the prti'isllug summer. He had oh
wrvwl on his previous visit that tlie
Galushas were uiaMiu great preparations
for the annual fair at North Adams, and
lie was surprised to note that, ill the time
of his later visit, un such preparations were
being made So he uskisl Mr. Galusha
what It meant, The old gentleman replied
that then- hud been iincmp.aud tliattlmes
weii' tu ml to hold a successful fair
Mr. Gib- ..i then turned to Mr. Galusha'-.
graudsou. (.'hatiucey. a Hue, strapping ho)
and facetiously reiuurkcd, "Why, theie's
Chauiicey, he'd make a good exhibit lit
any fair," "No, I wouldn't," replied
Chauiicey "cause I hain't got no pull
Hrcc," San Kruuclsco Argonaut.
Not l-'ulr Shake.
Traveler Say, my friend,
meat lu this sandwich.
Waitress-No?
Traveler Don't you think you'd better
give that pack another shullle and let un
draw agiilnf I'.lfo.
He Ml Kilt lluti) Knoivll.
"Say, lioyl" ealhsl out au excited man d
middle age, rushing from one of the lad
of!ke buildings on Dearborn street )e-lei-day
afternoon, "what will you take Tor
your whole stock of those Infernal things?'
The boy had been standing on the side
walk lu front of the building all day ntsp
lug a calliope whistle back and forth across
his mouth, stopping only when somebody
wanted to buy one and In-ginning again
with renewed energy when the sale was
completed.
He counted up the whistles he had on
hand, made a rapid mental calculation
and replied
"I'll take a dollar 'uaf fur du Int."
"If I buy nil you've got will you goawu)
from here and not come back any inuii-'
asked the excited man
"Surel 1 go out o' de business,"
"lluiid 'em over Hold out I waul the
one you're blowing, too! Here's your
money. ''
"All right, boss! Here's du goods."
He turned over his entire stock, pocketed
bis tl.M) and disappeared,
The middle aged man went Inside tin
building willi his load of calliope wliMft-i,
nnd ii few minutes later he was at hWdck
near one of the front windows in the third
story The wooden whistles, broken to
fragments, were In Ids witstebasket, uml a
look of peace, to vh.;h he had long been a
stranger, wits on his face.
i
Fifteen minutes bad pitssed away -11
teen quiet, peaceful, happy minutes
Then a weird, horrible, agotilliig yti
strangely familiar sound broke on his ent
ile raised the window and looked nut
The sidewalk directly below wa black
with a struggling mass of hoys. Each boy
was loaded down with calliope whistle
and each was blowing one of the lustru
menus of torture with all his might The
uproar wits frightful and getting worse
every moment.
Then the peaceful, happy look faded out
of that middle- aged man's face. He shut
down the window, closed his desk, put on
his hat and overcoat, went out nf the
building by the back stairs and faded
nway presently lu the gloom of Randolph
street,
lie had made the mistake of his lire,
Chicago Til bu nu.
Iiisllcr,
There was once a robber in Cairo who
fell from the second story of a house he
was trying to enter and broke his leg (said
Charles Dudley Warner recently at the
Aliline club on story teller's night) He
went to the cadi and complained The
man's window wa badly made and he
wanted Ju-tlce The cadi said that was
reasonable, and he summoned the owner of
the house The owner confessed that the
house was poorly built, but cliilined that
the carpenter was to blame and not he.
This struck the cadi a miiiiiI logic, and
he scut for the carpenter 'The charge Is,
ala. ton true." ahl the carpenter, "hut
the masonry wa at fault and I couldn't
Ilia good window ' So the cadi, impressed
with the reasonableness of the argument
sent for the mason The mason pleaded
guilty, but explained that a pretty girl in
a blue gown had passed the building while
ho was at work, and that his attention had
been diverted from his duty. The radi
thereupon demanded that the girl Ih
brought before him
"It is true," she said, "that I um pretty
but It's no rault or mine. If my gown at
tracted the mason, the dyer should be put)
Ished and not I." "ljulte true," said the
cadl, "send for the dyer' The dyer wits
brought to the bar and pleaded guilty
That settled It. The cadi told the rubber
to take the guilty wretch to his house and
hang him from theihsirsill, and the popu
lace rejoiced that Justice had been done
Hut pretty soon the crowd returned to the
cadi's house, complaining that the dyer
wits too long to be properly hanged from
his doorslll "Oh. well," sjild the cudl, who
by that lime wa sullering with ennui, "go
(Inda short dyer and bang him. Justice
shall prevail " -San Francisco Argonaut
SiiKKeslion.
"I've got an Idea fur a play." said Spiv
vlusl
"Well. I'll nil joii what to do with it If
you waul jo, n pi, n to succeed." replied
Spavvlus
"What?'
"Leave tin- idea out " - Washington Slur
:iillii'lliill Were tLelul In Mini,
First Slimmer So un uie a collector.
I'm glad to lu-ai II I ulway take a keen
lulen-l in colleilor
Second Stranger You are a collect or
vnlirel pel haps?
F1ri Summer-Yes I collect dollar
bills Souii-i'vllle .Imirual
lli-Ki.-t-.. Ilelnii,
Due a man die suddenly who I killed
by 10111'
"No. In- dies by degiies " -.New York
Herald
A (!n-iil l.'i-oiionili- Tintli,
It take money to einn-nnl.e,-Frnui Its
mark bv n Chicago Hou-ewlfe
A I'llhlle I'lem-rlptlun,
The wdebralisl ptiysiclan, lr .laojli;,
was walking along llroadway one iUv
when he met au old gentleman who w,s
very rich, but who was at the same time
tinted tor hi extreme stinginess The old
man, who mi somewhat of a hypochnu
drlac, huagliied that he could gel Mime
nusllcal udvlce from .laenby without pay
lug for It. Doctor, I am feeling vei
pooily." "Where do you sutler mostv
"In my stomach, doctor.' "Ah, that
bad, IMcitsc shut your eye.. That's
rigid Now put out your tongue, mi that I
can examine It closely." The Invalid did
a lie wn told After he had walled pi
tieiilly for uIniui ten inlnutix he opeiieil
his eyes and round himself surrounded n
a crowd whu suppnsnl that he was cra.v
l)r .lacuby had lu the meantime illsap
M-atisl -Comic
A KaUl r.rrnr.
He These masked bulls are very dan
Kcrous, you know.
She Dangerous?
lie-Yes. Our servant girl wan altr.ont
killed the other night at the .Milkmen's
masquerade ball and had to be carried
home.
She You don't say so! How did It hap
pen?
He She Impersonated a pump, -Life,
The Man with a Ktrnln.
Them were four or live of us together in
the smoking car, all free to Join In the gen
eral conversation After n hit a young
mini who wa traveling for u Huston house
brought out a coin anil by laying It on his
wrist and snapping hi linger hu caused It
to Jump six Inches high. All of us except
a heavy old farmer with a clay pipe had
seen the thing done many times, but It was
new to him, nnd he exclaimed lu astonish
incut
"Willi, by thunder! hilt thai ar' doe
beat anything In the line of tricks I ever
did seel'
The Hoston man then worked his ears
backward and forward, and by moving the
skin on his forehead he lUted his hat.
"Hy gum1 but I've lived to be fifty years
old and never saw that done beforel"
gasped the fanner, considerably excited.
This cuioti raged the Hoston man, and be
borrowed ten cents of the fnrtncrunil uuule
a few passes and changed It Into a quarter
The man was almost diimfoundcd, and as
the exhibit Inn ceased and the group broke
up he beckoned me over to him and asked
"Is thai young man related to you?"
"No."
"Is hea friend of yours?"
"lie's un acqiialutouce."
"Wall, you don't wunt to see him fall
sick and die?"
"No."
"Then let me tell you Ktiinthin," he con
tinned, us he dropped his voice to a whls
a-r 'lie's l(si mighty smart, Ills brain
Is giowiu too Tnst I had a boy named
Sam about his age, and he looked a good
deal like him. Sam was a-gettiu along as
smooth ns 'htsses till a feller came along
one day and learned him the string game
and that thing they call thiiublerlggiii."
"And then he began to fall, did he?" I
asked.
"True a (i'osM-lt Too much of a strain
on his bend, you ee, Hralii jest softened
up like puihlfii, and in less'n six mouths
we had to bury him, llelter see till feller
and haven talk with him. Them's power
fill cute tricks o' his, but I'm a-telliii you
the strain I too much altogether loo
much If -oiuelHsly don't warn him it
won't Ih- three moutlis afore lie won't know
'null to chop up pumpkins to feed cows '
Del roll Free Press,
shut from Many l.iirkers.
It is not a very serious matter to quarrel
with an actrcs. sjhe never refuses to
'make up," -Hoston Post,
Accuidlug io a current literary note
Frank Stockton is so painstaking an au
thortbat he fiequeutly wait hours for a
word. lleiuiiM have hi words sent him
by u dl-tiid mcHseiiger boy Chicago
Time
You can't measure a girl' love by Its
sigh - Klinlra Ga.elte.
Tin- rain bill upon the just, hut not
upon the mi jit -t whu has stolen the um
brclln of the lormer. Galveston News,
No, my sou, it is not always polite to tell
a man what you think nf him. It Is safer
to tell it to somebody else, ami it is just a
elfectlve in mnt instances. Hoston Trail
script.
The "bored ol education"-the pupil.
Daiivllle Hreee
Sometimes joii seen man who does not
seem capable of accomplishing anything
else, but who can ralseu magnificent la-anl
-Sonu-rville Journal.
Help from the Clouds.
Hell Hoy (excitedly tu hotel clerk)-l.lghtuiimha-
-1 1 uck through lulo i;kj. sr
Clerk I 11M hurt?
Hell-Hoy .No. sir He' all right
Clerk Ho IsHik keeper) Charge i'JJ two
liar t,,r i.jrtra heal Life
Telephone 176
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"tBBMsflKflKsAflESSKaMVvff'VBw JSiVMSA)MuKi9Kf9KDSSbr
Moving Household Goods and Pianos a Specialty
IN IT ALONE.
Now We Cut Profits in Two.
Having purchased the interest of Mr. Sanderson in the
late lii'u of Parker it Sanderson, which ended with the old
year, I have decided to offer
SPECIAL BARGAINS
in all lines of goods for the next Thirty days.
Ladies will do well to look up our harjjains in Fine
Street Wear and Party Goods. Remeinher the old reliable
at the old stand.
BARKJ PARKER, ';
iooo O S'IRICET.
A SENSIBLE QIRL.
When lie dropped on Ids knee to tell the old, old store, the young lady reminded
him how much moic ejiinfortnhh; It would bo (or liim If'hc took a sent, especially a
there was such a comfortable chair so close nt hand. That isn't vthnt young Indies arc'
supposed to Miy according to the modern novel, but It Is wlmt every level bended girl
says of our line easy chairs nnd the more she knows about them the surer she is that
they nre rcmnrknhly well made, wonderfully comfortable and phenomenally cheap.
In all these Important particulars they arc matched by our Divans, Tetc-n-Tes,
Lounges mid Rocking Chairs, which nre offered nt ridiculously low prices. Come and
sec them I
A.
T. Gruetter & Co.
124 to 134 North
Opposite
German National Bank,
f.A'CO.X, XF.Il.
O.K. Montgomery. President.
Herman II. Hcluilierc, Vice I'rest.
Joseph llocluuor, Cashier.
(). J. Wilcox, Asst. Cashier.
Capital . . . $100,000.00
Surplus . . . 30,000.00
Transacts a General Banking Business
Issues letters of credit, draw dm fls on nil purls
of the vtnrlil.ftForclitn collections a specialty
I
Telephone 225.
13th.
Lansing Theatre.
f"". JB -aWssHHl 'iff
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Canon City,
Rock Springs,
Vulcan,
Mendota,
Scranton,
Anthracite.
OFFIJE
1001 0 Street.
&