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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (July 12, 1890)
ER, SATURDAY, JULY 12, 1890
Won)on (to drugstore clerk) Hnvo yon
an nrtlclo called n two cent poaUiKo stump
Druo; Clerk (mechanically) Wo Botno
times keep It, but I think wo itro out of It
Iust now. There l very llttlu iluinnnd for
t. Quito Inferior, I assure you. Now, wo
make nn nrtlclunf our own that oh, It was
postage Rtnttip you wnntl Ccrtnlnlyt liero
U one, ilnvo It charged! Texas Slftlus.
Mr. Uooloy (with strong mimical fervor)
Perhaps youM llko to hnvo m glvo you
ft rendering of my last billatl U'h called
'No sleep comes to my fevered hrnln.1 "
His New ljindlady Mr. (Jooley, if you
aro nwaro that thafls a piano bedstead I
think you are very unkind to mako fun of
ll Wit Quito Hungry.
A lot of men were plnjir.g jioker at Del.
rnonlco's tho other night. Thu party got n
llttlu hungry and ordered somuHaudwiches.
They cnine, u mnall but appetizing plate;
also tho bill, 14. Shortly afterward u unlet
gentleman asked tho waiter to pirns lilin
another sandwich. "All gone, Mr," was
tho reply. Tho quiet gentleman W-konwl
to tho waiter and paid In n confidential
"Go down stairs and order hoiuu more."
"How many, sir?"
"Well," said tho gentlennm, thought
fully glancing at tho 1)111 and tho empty
plate, "as I'm quite hungry I should say
about $.',000 worth." lilakcly Hall in
rroitiict of llio Imagination,
Stranger (at restaurant reading from bill
of fare) Oive me some chicken croquettes.
Walter Very sorry, sir, biH there ain't
Stranger Then glvo mo some oyster
Walter K.xtremely sorry, sir, but wo
have only roast Iieef, corned loef and stew
ed lcef today.
Stiunger Hut where aro all thco things
that I see on tho bill of fare
Wnltcr--They'ro on tho bill of fare, sir.
Poetry vs. Ilrallly.
Chappie You know wo Invited Col.
Pluukett, who used to be n blacksmith, to
hear our class glvo tho "Anvil Chorus" tho
other night. The fellows were got up in
red shirts and tho stage was turned Into a
Ills Friend You don't say! Moved tho
old colonel to tears, I suppose'
Chappie Not exactly. Ho simply said
"rata." American Grocer.
Would ll KiioiikIi.
Mrs. Yeast (who olwnys makes her own
bread) I declare, John, it Is too bad: you
have conio homo without that strychnin
for tho ratsl
Mr. Yeast How wero you going to uso
"Put it on bread."
"Well, why not try tho bread alone,
dear?" Yonkers Statesman.
Parrott (wrathfully) I can't see why
Gabby takes so much time in coming to
tho point. Ho keeps saying tho sumo tiling
over nnd over.
Wiggins He can't help it, poor fellow,
no has hud n telephono in Ids office for the
post four years. Munsey's Weekly.
A Mutter of Humor.
"Where aro you off to? "
"To apply for tho hnnd of one of tho
"That depends. If ho looks pleasant I'll
toko tho youngest; but if bo's cross, tho
oldest." Humoristlscho Illaetter.
A Sensltlvo Soul.
"Open you eyes, George. What's tho
matter with you f" said tho occupant of n
comer scat in a crowded car.
"Mind your business. I'm going to keep
'am shut. I hate to seo women stand In
horse cars," replied George, settling down
In his own seat, Puck.
Time for l'nijer.
First Italian Brigand Is our victim in
Second Brigand Yes; but ho is still a
long way off.
first Italian Brigand Then wo have
time to say our prayers at this waysldo
It Win 'Conrlusltn.
Mrs. Llvewayt (of Chicago) Yes, young
Mr. Lnker wanted to marry our Susie, but
I put my foot right down on 1c.
Mrs. North Hlver (with a glonco at Mr.
Llvowayt's feet Well, that covered tho
ground. West Shore.
Tlio Derby I'cur.
Irritable Mnjor Look here, my girls, I'm
certain I'm right ulmut that. I'll liet my
ears on it.
Sharp Daughter Oh, papa.you shouldn't
carry betting to such extreme lengths.
Sho Ilml flood Time.
Belle Did you enjoy yourself at the
butchers' ball, last night, Bess
Doss Yes, Indeed. Had a lovely time.
I danced till I was so tired I couldn't stand.
.Maggie (to her stepfather, who is very
popular with tho children) Oh, I wish you
had lwon hero when our papa was alive..
You would have liked eacli other so much.
A CluiiiKO of Opinion.
Will-Dou'tyou think Miss Plain home
ly Bill I used to think so beforo I learned
sbo was an heiress. Yaukou Blade.
An AttHChnl Condition,
Billing Are you going to take n vaca
tion this summer
Sraedgely If my health permits. Cloth
lor and Furulsbor.
"Yes," hosnld, os 1" wit In tho tlussoll
houso office, "it is no with u great many
men foolish followsl They wait and wait,
expecting something to Implicit, nnd then,
when the Very thing they havo lioon wait
ing fordoes happen, they fall to act. They
miss their opportunity, and then they go
on waiting its before. Well, 1 must go and
pay my bill but say1" ho addcd, looking
nt Ids watch, "I haven't time to catch that
train why how "
"Which way wero you going'" asked his
"Michigan Central -1:30."
"Why, tho 'bus for that train left somo
tlmo ago. Tho porter called It out while
you were talking "
"That's great, too," said tho other, hold
ing his watch in his hand and gazing sadly
through It into space.
And then ho went on waiting as before.
Detroit Freo Press.
Her Im1 dinner.
An Irate womaueiitereda shop tho other
day and accosted one of tho assistants.
"I've cdmo to find out what you mean by
charging ono a dollar on Saturday night
for that table cloth, nnd selling Mts. Fer
guson ono Just llko It on Monday for sev-enty-flvu
cents. Didn't you say It was my
last uhanco to get one so cheap V
"You mistook me, mndame," responded
tho ready clerk; "I said it was your last
chanco to get ono for a dollar. And It was,
for wo put them down to soventy-flvo cents
on Monday morning. "Americanized from
"When a woman gets frightened at
night she just pulls tho bedclothes over
her head, says sbo Is terrified out of her
wits and goes to sleep," says ono who
knows; "but with man it is different
Ho says he Is not afraid, pushes tho clothes
down, and lies tremblingly awake for two
or three hours, straining his ears at every
A Cautious Inquirer.
A Ah! So you havo lived In Gelben
bcrg; then you must hnvo known my fa
ther, Schmicdcckc, tho carpenter
B I havo not Ix-on there for tho last ten
years, but I knew Schmicdcckc, the car
penter. Ho had two sons; ono liceamo a
gamekeeper and tho other went to tho bad.
You aro not tho gamekeeper -Humor-lstische
A Until)' Milled.
It- " ...
Mr. Pudtly (wlio Is rather deaf) I won
der if t lint ftone Is lno.ic; it has thatup
W iWVtk ta,
VKIIV UHtfV. IXDKKI)
There'll Much In it Name.
Vnn de Milk What are you going to
call your new steam yacht
Van do Water I was yoing to name her
tho Wave, but as I was looking over my
books lost night a more appropriate name
occurred to me. I think I'll call her the
Breaker. Detroit Freo Press.
Simpson I saw n great bargain In a
buggy down town.
Simmons Why didn't you invest In t
How win it
Simpson Splendidly lovely, joung nnd
worth half a million. Detroit Free Press.
A Matter of locution.
"I feci .sick at heart," said the rejected
lover, us ho leaned upon tho railing of the
"I'miwith you,!' remarked a fellow pas
senger, "onlymliio Is further down." Igni
tion (F.ng.) Pink-un.
Dnshmvny I think I shall go up in the
Adirondack this summer.
Cluvcrtou What do you e.wrt to get
Daslmway In debt, mostly Clothier
3.n Fl;iirutlely Told.
Trui love Is 1 ilerlnlly nice.
Oft tin 2 1oith sworn,
The earth .1 sembles jiurmllst',
And sometime If 1 lorn.
Porno otrs enn't sur 5 alone,
Ami loe G symptom show ;
Some tlilnl; It's 7 w It 1 1 tlielr on n,
And Mime ere C their vot.
bomo, lien their sweetheart look Ui II,
Keel such a 10 iler thrill;
t'omo, vhen they don't, fori) will pine
And seelc n urine S till.
A eighty nmld fell down nt length;
Her Iwiui ruslitst 'J assist tier;
&hu won i-60-l liU strength,
Fo lOilerly lie kUtned her.
fihe candy H Ui I her Ihmu,
And had a tootlmcliu 4 it;
When her '.' 80 cried, ullhoutfli
With 40 tudu she tare It.
4-0.ro waited loug," rrld Will,
"Now Imhti me, I would wed tuts'."
'You'lHmvii W 8-4 ma until
You've I n 4 tune," said she.
-II. O. Vols u IVUtU Fns lliw.
And Otlier l,nk Muperlor Points.
The travrllug publlo may not l aware
thnt the II, & M makes tho run between I.ln
colu and points on Iiko Huperlor several
hisirs quicker than any other line, our rates
nre the lowest nod tho services tho lnM.
Make Inquiry nt Union depot or city ollleo,
corner O and Tenth streets, More dividing
on your route It's to your Interest to do so,
A. V Zlemer, 0. P.oVl A.
i:rtirslou Itiitei to Ciifttern HesortK,
The itttnitlou of the traveling public is
called to the advantages of tlieOlilciV Missis
sippi Hall Aay as a touto to New York, I'lilla
delphln, Washington, I). O., Ilnlthnore, t'ln
clnnatl and liulsvllle, as well as to tho ntnti
erons health and pleasiue resorts or the
Iloth morning and evening lines of l'utlniau
Vesllbulo IiutTot Hlwper are I tin from Ht.
Imls to New Vork via the nbove nnnusl
cities over the llultluioie & Ohio route. Dts-r
l'nrk and Oakhiud the twin mountain le
wirts of the Allel'eules, are on tho tllrect
unite of these through sleepers to tho Kast.
For Lake Chautnuqim and Nlngnra Falls
our train connects In I'lnelnnatl with trains
of tho Krlo lloute which runs thniugh
to New York via Ijikowood on tho routheru
Isiarder of ltko C'hautauipin; Is'lug tho only
lino from tho west running a lccier or a
itnu'li of tiny kind to nny points on Luke
For White Sulphur nnd other healing
springs of tho Virginias; lllchmond, Old
Point Comfort, Washington, llaltlinore,
Philadelphia nnd New York, our trains mnl.e
tllrect connection in Pnion depot, Cincinnati
with the "F. F. V. Limited" of tho Chexa
Mnko ev Ohio Houte.
Our rates to New York and other eastern
points aro lower than nny other through car
route from St. Imls, while our accommoda
tions nre tmsurpasHsl,
To thoM who contemplate a trip east thin
summer we will be glad to furnish descript
ive pamphlets of tho different resoi ts, reserve
sleeping enr bet ths and fin ulsli any addition
al Information as to rates, time and routes.
Hummer Kxcurslou tickets to all the east
ern resorts ai e now on sale In our olllceat lo
Call on or address A. .1. L)tle, General
Western Passenger Agent, O. iV; M. Hy., I(.i
N. Uroadway, SLliuls, Mo.
(Iriiud llxeumlon to VelloHxtoue Niitloiml
I'ntk mid Oilier U'etern Itexortn.
Tho Union Paellle, "Tlio Overland Itoute,"
proposes to run on July ','litli, a grand nxcurs-
lon from Omiilia to Yellowstone Niitioiuil
i'ntk, (treat Shoshone Falls, Idaho, Ogdeii,
Malt Lake City.Oarlield lleach, DeiiVHi.Clear
Creek Canon, the famous Loop, and other
points of Interest. The Union Paeille will
furnish six hoixeCoueoiilconches, which will
carry the party from Heaver Canon, Idaho,
to and through Yellowstone National Paik.
These coaches will also bo taken to Shoshone
Station, and used for tho ride to (Irent Sho
shone Fnlls. At each stopping place, such as
Ogden, Salt Lake City, Cheyenne and Den
ver, the coaches will lie unloaded, and the
tourists conveyed from the depot to tho
hotels. Afterward a rlilo to all points of in
terest In each city w ill tie taken.
From Heaver Canon to Yellowstone Nation
al Park, the trip will occupy three days going,
three days returning, and eight days will bo
spent in tho Park. Kxcellont tents and good
equipment for camping out will lie furnished
by tho Union Pacific, enrouto from Heaver
Canon to tho Park, and while in the Park the
tourists will Is) qunrtered at tho various
Tho very low rate of fii-J5.00 h.t passenger
has been made from Omaha. This rate In
cludes Hailrond, Pullumn and Stage fare,
Meals and Hotel bills from the tlmo of leav
ing Omaha until the return of the excursion,
in all 0 days.
Only thirty passengers enn bo ncconuno
dntcd, and ns accommodation aro limited
early application for same should bo made,
no one being accepted after July Sflth. Un
less ('JO) tickets are sold by July '-'Oth, the ex
cursion will bo abandoned, and pun base
money refunded immediately.
In ordering tickets send money for same by
express, to Harry P. Deuel, City Ticket Agt.,
U. P. Hy., UKtt Fiirimm street, Omaha, Ne
brask. While children ill be allowed on this trip,
still it is advisablo not to take them. For
further Information relative to this excur
sion anil Itinerary, apply to
K. L. I.OM.VX, O. P. A.,
Of (leliernl Intercut.
It is important to laundry patrons to see
that their soiled linen is sent to the Evans
Laundry Coniany. We havo the very latest
machinery for doing the work. Our process
is original anil that wo keep abrenst with the
times goes without question. Your goods are
handled with the greatest care possible. Or
dinary repairs and buttons sewed on under
wear without eitrii eharae. Wo have the
liest facilities and can serve our patrom to
In x)lnt of color and finish our goods ate
unequnled. Wo hnvoonoof thehestequipissl
and finest laundry plants in the west and
that our enterprise is appreciated our many
friends w ill uttest. We havo alo special ma
chinery for doing up household linen, Hav
ing been in tills business fifteen years the
work Is no experiment with us. Seo that
your goods uro given to our wagons, and wo
guarantee satisfaction in every particular
Telephone HW Evans laundry
Is tho time to visit tho famous Shenandoah
alley, Vu. Tuls valley is not only full of
historical reminiscences, but is ono of tho finest
agricultural, fruit-growing and dairying
countries in the world. Hero Istiik place for
the farmer, the manufacturer, tho dairyman
and the stock raiser. The hills are full of
high grade iron oroaud coal, and ,the vallejs
abundantly pioductlve. The climate is a gol
den meun, pleasant in summer and delightful
in winter, Tho water Is abundant In quan
tity and pure in quality. Umds are cheap,
contiguous to market and can he secured hy
hnuieseekers on the most favorable terms
Come and look over this region, so favored by
uatuie, while the growing crops and gnus
demonstrate tho fertility of tho toll and tliu
geniality of the climate. If you wish to mako
an investment that you will never think of
except w ith unalloyed pleastitu, or to mciiio
a homo that will be tho delight ot yoursell
and family, don't let this oportuuit pa-x
uiiimpinved. This is not the veiltnblw gar
den of Eden, but is one of the bet legions to
be found in tho best country in the world.
For further and more dellnlto information,
call on or addles
M. V. RlL'IIAItllS,
Iand and Immigration Agt., II. & O. It R.,
Herpoisholiuer & Co's. Exposition Depart
ment Stoio oirer a line of Muck Surah Silks
at much less than regular prices. Inst
their lino of novelties, outing cloths, wash
silks, French ginghams the best line they
have ever shown. Silk mlts and parufols, in
great variety. Call ami see ilerolhoiiner
& Co's, beautiful store. Indies' parlor up
SHE imOUOHT HIM AROUND.
A Thrilling Htory of Man's llHslifitlnst
mid Woman's Tnct,
Softly shone tho subdued light of tho sol
Itnrygas Jet in tho parlor of tho Wider
bnck mniislnu on tho avenue, nnd soft was
thovolcoof tho abashed young Erasmus
Shackelfonl, who sat nn tho etlgo of Ids
ehnir, mopped Ids heated faco nnd smiled
with a kind of paplcr-tuacho smile nt tho
entrancing young woninn, in tho dnxzllng
nuroolo of whoso auburn hair ho hud Mut
tered In agonizing captivity for months
"Miss Viola," ho said, clearing his throat
nnd speaking with every Inflection of a
man nlsiut to say something, "you will not
bo surprised, I presume, if I If I express
tho tho feeling, tho tho opinion, as It
wore, that that It's nivtty hot this even
ing" ' Erasmus gavo his faco another frenzied
swipo with his handkerchief and subsided
Into ixilpiiating silence.
"No," replied Miss Viola, with n smllo
thnt brought a largo and ecstatic lump of
something or otlier up Into his throat, "I
am not surprised, Mr. Khackelfonl. You
made tho same observation earlier In tho
" Y-yes," he gasped. "1 Is-llovo I did. It
It was not an entirely new remark. In
fact it was a kind of a of a chestnut, I
Tho agitated youth made mint her effort
to crush down tho lump In his throat.
"And I -1 feel. Miss lill-Vloln- as If I
wero a -a kind of of observation uijsclf
that was gifting tiresome. Haven't I
U'un Ik-cii obvrvtsl hero little too often
Do I seem to is- a -a chestnut" and as ho
moved his handkerchief over his glowing
faco in tn-mulous Jabs his voice took on a
despoiling sound "n sort of of roasted
"No, Erasmus," slowly answered tliu
maiden. "When it chestnut is roasted It
Tho conscientious historian Is bound to
record the fact that at this point Erasmus
immediately popped. Chicago Tribune.
A Clear Monopoly,
Tho ot her forenoon a messenger boy ho
was going up Woodward axentte stopped
for a moment in the shadoof ono of tho
Circus park maples. Ho was sopping up
tho sweat on his hands and faco when an
I co wagon came along.
"Gimme me a hunk!" culled tho boy.
Tho driver shook his head.
"It may prevent tmustrokc," continued
"ror ten cents," icplied tho driver.
"Then lemmo ride."
The driver shook his head.
"It may save my life."
"For llvn cents," grimly replied tho
"That's a clear monopoly, and hero goes
to down it!" said tho Isiy, and ho hit the
driver in the back with a stono and escaped,
Detroit Ftco Press.
How- to Mm! Out.
Leisurely Stranger I suppose, now, you
don't sell such lino young spring chickens
as these to hoarding housu keepers'
Proprietor of Meat Market Not often.
Mrs. Irons, though, who keeps a boarding
houso in tliu next block, buys a half dozen
of them every morning,
Stranger (with alacrity) Thank you.
(Disappears in tho direction of Mrs. Irons'
boanllng house.) Chicago Tribune.
Captain Sergeant, noto down Private
Grosgrun threo days on bread and water
for slovenly turn out on parade.
Sergeant Ben pardon, captain, i hat
won't mako tho slightest dilTerenco to him
hoVi a vegetarlun!
Captain What Then put him for three
days on meat and soup', Chjitter.
Moving Household Goods and Pianos a Specialty.
Ladies why Perspire
AmllFret over this
Offers you such Extraordinary Bargains in
Everything in Dross Goods, Underwear, Hosiery, Mitts,
Etc., especially for Summer wear, just io suit you, in weight,
quality and price. You can't afford to buy elsewhere.
1 1. 1 1 and r
Largest Stock and Finest Assortment of
Summer Hosiery and Underwear
Ami nt Prices that arc O. K.
CALL AND SEE! n. S. 12th, opp. Opera House.
NOW OPEN ,
Table Service Unsurpassed in the City. J
Apartments Single .or En Suite with or without Board.
Passenger Elevators. , ''
Cor. I'4th nnd U (Street.,
Telephone No, -IH'j.
YOU SEEN IT ?
Wcsvscl Printing: Co.
Hot Weather? When
i.ji O St.
M. ISABEL BOND Prop.
Prints from Type
Call and See It, or
Send for Full Par
ticulars. 1 1 36 N Street.
1024 0 Street
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